but i kind of look like i'm 12

Literally like a 12:38 AM thought but one thing that I find really compelling about writing Shiro is the impressions of him that other characters gain. Hell, it’s a pretty??? Common impression even in canon. Essentially, him being this entity of light and guidance filled with kind smiles and words that align even the most troubled of minds. But also one thing that’s always kept drawing me back to Shiro is this false impression of divinity, that he can do no wrong when he’s so painfully human in how he’s survived and how he’s handled himself. I love it when people get close to him and this image of a perfect person begins to fade because as they get close they realize that though yes Shiro was broken and yes he did put himself back together, a lot of those pieces are gnarled and not as they used to be. I think an analogy I really liked that I used a couple of days ago was something along the lines of “a predatory flash of teeth” in regards to his inner demons which is??? Accurate??? With Shiro, you’re not going to see his troubles on full display. It’s a quick flash. You might see a glance of it. You might see him stiffen, dissociate, tremble, but it’s always quick, he’s always quick to gather himself.

He’s so painfully human and though he’s good, he’s also not all there. In order to survive he had to kill certain parts of himself. There’s this old saying that don’t befriend a survivor until you know what they had to do in order to survive, or something along those lines, and I feel like that’s very true to Shiro. Now I’m not saying that Shiro is a terrible person people should be wary of. He’s a very good person, better than the average human being. But also,,,, this assumption that he’s this person larger than life unaffected by everything that’s so commonly held isn’t true and I love writing that with Shiro. I love writing that contrast between what is perceived and what is real and then sort of qualifying between the two like yes though he is akin to light even the brightest of lights flicker and leave what they illuminate in brief moments of darkness.

Shiro is exciting to write because he’s human. He’s got the backbone of old, Greek heroes who get wrung through the universe’s bullshit and are somehow the favorite through these sick and twisted trials. It’s just,,, this duality to how Shiro is as a character between the leader and the tired warrior that draws me in and encourages me to write him more. Despite being the Black Paladin and his nickname meaning “white”, he’s nowhere near a black and white character. I love writing Shiro because I can write almost a saintly kindness and understanding that transcends most levels of common humanity and then I can write an anger and frustration that is so human and so fragile that going between the two is such an interesting thing for me. He’s not…. simple… there’s a lot to him…. I just… really like writing him….


Jinki and his invisible chair  (⊙_◎)

…he has thighs of steel…glorious thighs of steel