but i just keep wondering what's wrong



I always find myself questioning the things I do, even if I was the one who opted to do it from the beginning. I frequently ask myself whether I’m doing the right thing. Whether there’s any good in the things I choose to put myself in. The school I go to, the activities I join, the events I attend, the friends I choose to keep. Are my decisions going to benefit my future or are they just a waste of time? I wonder if I’m really doing anything right these days. You see, I have always had this fear in me. This fear I can’t specifically explain. I often am afraid if I make the wrong choices, especially when I have to make big important life decisions. What if my plans don’t work out? Who will I be in 10 years? Will I ever really figure it out?

I hate self-doubt. You know when they say we are our own biggest critics, they’re hella right.

Sometimes, the plans that I have for myself, are not exactly the plans that Allah has for me. I get myself in a relationship, and it ends tragically. I take up a course I thought I’m good at, and later fail miserably. I apply for a scholarship, but then find out I was rejected. I plan to graduate on time, but got sick and am told to defer my studies. All these circumstances, it all leads to self-doubt. Will I ever be good enough for anything?

A few days ago, I was reading Surah Al-Kahf and stumbled upon a verse that struck a chord with me. It was so beautiful I made it my phone’s wallpaper lol. The verse goes:

إِلَّا أَن يَشَاءَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاذْكُر رَّبَّكَ إِذَا نَسِيتَ وَقُلْ عَسَىٰ أَن يَهْدِيَنِ رَبِّي لِأَقْرَبَ مِنْ هَٰذَا رَشَدًا 

“Except “if Allah wills.” And remember your Lord when you forget & say “May my Lord guide me to what is right” (18:24)

Perfect timing. This verse isn’t only a do’a but also a statement of optimism. “Asa” according to the arabic language is a verb used to express hope. Subhanallah, Allah is teaching us that the most fundmental thing we need is His guidance. He is teaching us that in the end, He knows best what is good for us and all we have to do is give our best in the things we do. The rest is Allah’s job. I learnt that if we do what is good, our effort will never go to waste, even if things don’t turn out the way we want it. Our compensation is with Allah. 

The verse screams optimism. It says “when you forget” because whenever something bad/failure befalls us, we tend to lose hope. We are bound to feel lost & confused. Been there a lot of time. So this powerful verse is telling us ‘no, don’t give up, hang in there and ask Allah to guide you’. He created us, He created the stars and the universe, so He definitely knows what is best for us. Whatever happens yesterday, stays there. If we have failed in the past, that failure should not dictate our future. 

“Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affair is good and this is not for no one except the believer. If something of good/happiness befalls him he is grateful and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls him he is patient and that is good for him” (Saheeh Muslim #2999)

So I guess we will never really have all the answers, but it’s perfectly okay, What we do know is that we can always ask Allah to guide us to what’s the best for us.

As long has we put our trust in him, we are in good hands.

anonymous asked:

Hi~! Could I request for HC or scenario where MC asks RFA + V and Saeran to pretend to be their SO for Valentines day (Meet the friends/parents etc.) and how they would react and act during their fake date? lololol

This got pretty long. Happy Valentine’s Day!!


  • you call him up desperately, telling him your friends have invited you to go out with them on Valentine’s day
  • at first he doesn’t see the problem, but then you explain that they’re all couples
  • you ask him if he’d be okay with pretending to be your boyfriend just for a few hours because you don’t want to feel alone or to get made fun of
  • he’s extremely flustered but agrees to it
  • oh boy is he nervous
  • he really wants to impress your friends and have a good day with you, because he hopes that perhaps if it goes well enough, he can admit his feelings for you….
  • he spends hours preparing, but tries to make it look like he hasn’t
  • he opts for not wearing his hairclips and tries smoothing his hair down as best as he can it doesn’t really work
  • he comes to your doorstep with a bouquet of roses
  • “I-I figured if we’re gonna do this, we should do it properly…?”
  • poor boy is red as a tomato, but you giggle and take the roses
  • when you head to the meeting spot with your friends, they’re already there
  • without thinking, you reach out and grab his hand, lacing your fingers together
  • he is begging himself to just c h i l l
  • he doesn’t remember any of your friends’ names because he’s too caught up in the fact you’re actually holding his hand holy shit
  • you guys go see a movie, and throughout the entire thing he’s trying to work up the courage to reach out and hold your hand again
  • but it’s a romance movie… would that be weird…?
  • oh god he’s overthinking everything
  • eventually the movie ends and he hasn’t worked up the nerve
  • he’s kind of mad at himself
  • your friends all want to go off and do their own thing as couples now, so one of your friends asks you guys what you’re planning on doing for the rest of the day
  • “oh… uh…” Yoosung stammers and blushes like crazy
  • your friends wiggle their eyebrows at you both like oh I see
  • which makes Yoosung blush even harder and get even more flustered
  • he walks you back home because he’s a goddamn gentleman, fake date or not
  • and when you’re standing on the doorstep, he’s not quite sure what to do
  • “I had a really good day” he blurts out
  • “Me too, I think you were pretty believable in your feelings for me! I almost believed it” hahahahahaha Yoosung please get the hint
  • he really wants to kiss you right now, but he’s not sure if the flirty vibes he’s picking up from you are actually just him being hopeful
  • he decides to take a risk
  • “I know this was a fake date and everything, but… I was just wondering if it would be okay if I… kiss you?” he’s stammering and blushing and speaking really fast, and part of him hopes you didn’t understand what he said
  • so when you agree, he’s over the moon
  • “it’s Valentine’s day, after all”
  • he leans in and kisses you softly, trying not to show how much he doesn’t want to stop
  • you say your goodbyes and he heads home
  • as soon as he’s out of sight he fist-pumps and does a little victory dance, which earns him a lot of weird looks from passers by
  • but he couldn’t care less


  • when you call him up and tell him your friends are all going on group outing on Valentine’s, and were making fun of you for being alone on Valentine’s Day, he wouldn’t even wait for you to ask, he’d just straight up volunteer
  • this is his chance he’s not gonna miss it
  • he takes it right in his stride and doesn’t appear flustered at all, even if he’s screaming a little on the inside
  • he’s an absolute gentleman, and as soon as he gets to your door he takes your hand and kisses it
  • he claims that because he’s an actor, he’s just immersing himself in the role but he actually just really likes you
  • he’s bought you some chocolates in a heart-shaped box which make you blush like crazy
  • he reaches out to hold your hand as you head to see your friends
  • he absolutely loves this pretense, because it gives him an excuse to do everything he’s wanted to do for such a long time but without it seeming weird
  • as soon as he meets your friends, they’re instantly charmed
  • wow shit is that guy even real ??
  • turns out you guys are going out for a joint romantic meal
  • and Zen is gentleman to the extreme, holding open doors and pulling out your chair for you to the point where it’s like jeez Zen tone it down a little
  • you draw the line when he offers to feed you your food
  • you’re starting to feel like he’s taking the piss, but honestly it’s kind of funny, so you’re giggling a lot which makes his heart leap
  • he loves making you laugh
  • and he wants to make a good impression to your friends, even if he’s pretty confident they like him already
  • he walks you back home afterwards, still holding your hand because “the act hasn’t finished yet”
  • you reach your door and just as your about to open it, he clears his throat
  • you turn around to look at him, and suddenly that confident air has gone and his cheeks are slightly pink and he’s refusing to make eye contact
  • you ask him what’s wrong
  • “I really liked spending Valentine’s day with you” he murmurs, looking at his feet in embarrassment
  • you’ve never seen him so flustered
  • “Oh…” you don’t really know what else to say
  • he eventually looks back up at you “I was wondering if we’d be able to… keep up the act for a few more seconds so I can… kiss you…?”
  • you nod, barely able to believe it
  • he leans in and gently presses his lips against yours, cupping your face in his hands
  • it’s so soft and sweet at totally takes you by surprise
  • eventually he pulls back and is even more flustered than before
  • “Sorry… I, uh, I just… I’ll see you around” he hurries away
  • “Zen!” you call after him, and he turns around nervously, not knowing what you’re going to say. “Call me.”
  • that’s all the confirmation he needs to rush back to you and kiss you again


  • you call her up one day, a little hysterical, and so she has to help you calm down before she can figure out what’s wrong
  • you tell her that your family have arranged a get-together on Valentine’s day and you can’t bear to sit around while they repeatedly ask why you’re single
  • so, you ask her if she’ll pretend to be your girlfriend, just for a little while to get them off your back
  • she’s impossibly flustered
  • she’s never been in a situation like this before, so she’s not quite sure how to react
  • she thought things like this only happened in movies?
  • but she agrees anyway
  • she’s so nervous, and even though she knows it’s not real, she spends hours getting ready
  • she drinks roughly 8 cups of coffee, which does not help with her nerves
  • big mistake
  • as soon as it’s time, she heads over to your place to pick you up
  • for a moment, she’s blown away by how beautiful you look
  • she knows you always looks beautiful, but today it hits her more than usual because she has to pretend to be your girlfriend oh god
  • she’s brought you a homemade cake that she won’t admit took her four attempts to get perfect
  • you put the cake away and head to your parents’ house
  • she’s so nervous
  • your entire family seems to be here
  • she had no idea families did this kind of thing
  • your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins… the house is full
  • you never leave her side, and she grips hold of your hand the entire time
  • partly for the act, partly for comfort, mostly just because now she has an excuse
  • naturally, she gets bombarded by nosy family members about her career and intentions towards you
  • she tries her best to keep calm and give the right kinds of answers, but she constantly feels like she’s messing up
  • eventually you can tell she’s starting to get really stressed out as your great aunt drills her about exactly what she’s planning on doing with her life, so you quickly tell everyone it’s time for the two of you to leave because you have plans
  • as soon as you get out the house, you hug her
  • she’s nervous - what if your family sees you?? but then she remembers you’re supposed to be pretending to date anyway
  • she apologises for messing up so badly and you just pull back like
  • what ???
  • she was amazing in there? she put up with all your family’s shit and barely tripped up at all
  • you tell her how amazing she was, and she blushes and shakes her head nervously
  • you smile at her, “walk me home?”
  • you head back to your house and once you’re standing outside the door she’s ready to say goodbye
  • “You know, that cake isn’t going to eat itself” you say casually
  • “Oh, but I… I couldn’t eat it! it’s for you!”
  • you insist on it until she finally agrees to come inside and have a small piece
  • you’re sitting on your sofa eating the cake and she murmurs
  • “I had a really lovely day today, even if it was a little overwhelming”
  • “I did too” you agree
  • she looks up at you for a moment, and barely knows what she’s doing before she’s leaned in to kiss you
  • just as she’s about to pull away and apologise, she feels your arms wrap around her to pull her closer
  • so she allows herself to get lost in the kiss
  • Jaehee has never really been interested in Valentine’s day, but it’s quickly become her favourite day of the year


  • you’re nervous to ask Jumin, because you highly expect he’ll just say Valentine’s day is a meaningless day which symbolises nothing but capitalist consumerism
  • but you have a huge crush on him so you do it anyway
  • when you call him up and mention Valentine’s day, the other end of the line goes quiet
  • you tell him your family are all coming over on Valentine’s day, and you really can’t stand these yearly gatherings that they use as an excuse to harass you about being single
  • after he’s over the initial shock, he agrees surprisingly quickly and you’re just like…oh okay?!
  • when the day arrives he’s nervous, which in itself is strange because he’s never felt quite like this before
  • he knows he gets butterflies around you, but he’s never felt like this
  • he desperately wants to impress your family
  • he shows up at your house earlier than expected, because he wants to arrive before your family do
  • he holds out a small box for you
  • “I thought that, considering I’m technically your date, I should get you something in case your family ask about it”
  • you open the box and inside is a silver heart shaped locket with a…
  • wait Jumin is that a real diamond??
  • you turn around and he puts it on you, trying to stop his fingers shaking while simultaneously trying to touch the skin of your neck as much as possible, enjoying how you shiver at the touch
  • when your family arrive, he turns on his charm
  • they love him
  • you can barely even tell he’s nervous from the way he’s so smooth and confident, answering every question fired his way with surprising ease
  • he takes everything in his stride even when your grandmother asks him whether you guys have ‘made love’ yet oh boy
  • eventually, your family leave
  • almost everyone individually tells you how lovely Jumin is, and how good you guys look together and what a good couple you make
  • you’re just like h a h a I wish
  • when you head back to see him, he looks exhausted
  • “I’m so sorry about all that” you immediately feel the need to apologise. there’s no way he needed to do this at all. you sit next to him, “They really liked you, though”
  • “Really?” he asks, seeming strangely surprised. you nod, and he lets out a breath “I’m glad”
  • you’re not quite sure how to respond, so you sit there in silence for a moment
  • “You look beautiful” he says suddenly, and you look over at him, shocked
  • “Oh… uh, thank you”
  • he reaches out with his hand and strokes your jaw gently
  • “I hope you wouldn’t mind if I…” he trails off and starts leaning towards you
  • oh
  • you respond by leaning in and your lips meet in the middle
  • he’s so soft and tender, which is a side of him you’ve never seen before
  • when he pulls back he says “I would very much like to do that more often, if you would agree to it?”
  • you nod a little breathlessly and he leans in to kiss you again
  • he now understands why people like Valentine’s day so much


  • one day you call him while you’re kind of freaking out
  • once you manage to calm down, you explain to him that your family are having this ‘Valentine’s get-together’ and your grandma kept asking you if you had anyone to bring and you had blurted out ‘yes’ without really thinking about it
  • when you ask him if he’s willing to pretend to be your boyfriend, he’s not quite sure how to react
  • his brain just kind of goes !!!!!!!
  • “It’s only for one day! please, Seven…”
  • okay wow he wouldn’t have expected you to ask him, so he agrees to it
  • “God 707, swooping in to save the day!!!”
  • he’s actually super nervous beforehand
  • even though he knows it isn’t real, his brain is treating it as though it is
  • he desperately tries to prepare his ‘707′ persona so he can hopefully be a little more carefree, but it’s surprisingly difficult today
  • he drives to your house in his favourite babe to pick you up he’s highkey hoping to impress your family with his car
  • when you open the door he bows ridiculously low, holding out a…
  • “Seven, is that a teddy bear?”
  • he hands it to you while grinning and screaming inside oh god why am I such an idiot 
  • it’s a small, brown bear holding a red heart in its paws which has “I love you” written on it
  • he treats it like a joke, telling you to squeeze it
  • you squeeze the heart, and Seven’s voice comes out saying, “Honey, I love you~”
  • he tries to hide how embarrassed he is
  • it’s just a joke it’s just a joke it’s just a joke it’s not a joke
  • he drives you to your grandparent’s house where this is being held
  • when you ask him how he knows where they live he just…
  • oops
  • anyway, you guys head inside, and naturally he instantly gets bombarded with questions and comments about his car, which he is more than happy to talk about
  • whenever someone asks him about how he can afford that at his age he just laughs and brushes it off, saying “If I told you, I’d have to kill you” and things like that
  • he’s really worried he’s coming across as stupid with his weird jokes, but he can’t seem to stop them once they’ve started
  • luckily, you overhear a few family members talking quietly in the kitchen about what a nice guy he is
  • he seems to charm all your female and male relatives to the point where you have to drag him away and tell him to behave because your grandma is 87 years old and married god dammit
  • eventually you both manage to escape the clutches of your family and leave
  • as soon as you’re in the car and out of sight of the house he lets out the biggest sigh ever
  • “Wow, that took a lot out of me.”
  • “Thank you so much for doing that for me. You really didn’t have to.”
  • “No… it’s okay, I actually kind of enjoyed it,” he grins at you, “Kind of sad I didn’t get your grandma’s number.”
  • “She doesn’t have a damn phone”
  • he drops you off at your house and insists on walking you to the door
  • “I really did have a good day. Your family are really nice” he tells you, smiling nervously
  • you decide to invite him inside for a little while, but he declines
  • “I have to pay you back for everything you’ve done!” you insist, “At least let me get you some food or something!”
  • he has a sudden bust of confidence “How about you pay me back… with a kiss? And a promise for a second date”
  • he’s staring at you to gauge your reaction and figure out whether to play this off as a joke
  • but when you blush and stammer, looking down at your feet and nodding, he feels his heart soar
  • he steps towards you, gently taking your hand in his, and you look up at him and he kisses you softly
  • when he pulls back both of you are pretty flustered, but he tries covering it up by smiling and saying “You still owe me a second date, though,” to which you nod enthusiastically and smile back
  • as soon as he gets into his car and is out of sight, he starts laughing almost hysterically and his body shakes with excitement at what just happened
  • he’s never felt as happy as he does right now


  • he’s surprised, to say the least, when he gets a call from you the day before Valentine’s day
  • you frantically tell him the story of how your friends have invited you over on Valentine’s day, he doesn’t see the problem
  • but then you tell him you may have accidentally told them you have a boyfriend, so would he be willing to pretend to be that boyfriend just for the day?
  • firstly, he’ll call you an idiot
  • but then he’ll face the internal conflict of “damn, I really like her and want to do this” and “large crowds of strangers h a h a no”
  • eventually he agrees and wow you’re pretty surprised because you weren’t really expecting him to
  • little do you know that as soon as you guys hang up the phone, he’s straight on his computer researching what people are supposed to even do on Valentine’s day
  • he doesn’t have much time to make a big romantic gesture, and quite frankly he doesn’t really want to because it seems way too much
  • his palms are sweating like crazy as he’s heading to your house, and he’s trying to tell himself to calm down
  • you open up the door and he doesn’t even look you in the eye, he just holds out a single, red rose for you to take
  • “Happy Valentine’s Day” he mumbles, and his cheeks are a little pink with embarrassment
  • you don’t call him out on it
  • you head over to your friend’s house, and find that everyone’s already there
  • he gets really anxious all of a sudden, and reaches out to grab your hand without really thinking about it
  • when you look at him in surprise he tries to play it off as ‘being in character’
  • you do most of the talking, and try directing the conversation away from Saeran as much as you possibly can because you can tell it’s making him uncomfortable
  • he doesn’t let go of your hand the entire time
  • he feels like he’s fucking up really badly, but he can’t bring himself to get involved in the conversation properly
  • little does he know, your friends actually really like him
  • he comes across a little cold, but they tell you in hushed tones as you’re about to leave that they can tell how much he genuinely cares about you
  • you’re kind of like ????
  • you don’t really expect him to walk you home, so you’re surprised when he keeps walking past his road to head to your house
  • you’re still holding hands, and you’re both too nervous to let go also neither of you actually want to
  • when you reach the doorstep he doesn’t make eye contact, he just quickly drops your hand and says goodbye before turning around and walking away
  • you call after him and he turns back around, confused
  • you walk over to him and gently wrap your arms around his shoulders
  • “Thank you.”
  • it takes him a moment to respond, but then he slowly wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer
  • after a little while, you pull back and look at each other for a moment
  • he blurts out “Will you go on another date with me?”
  • he blushes and looks down, before murmuring “A real one, I mean”
  • you can barely believe it
  • “Of course!”
  • you carefully kiss him on the cheek and he blushes even harder
  • he responds by kissing you quickly on the cheek too
  • as he’s walking back home, he can feel his cheek tingling where your lips touched it
  • and he feels a genuine smile cross his face for the first time in a long time


  • you call him up one day, and when you tell him you accidentally told your parents you have a boyfriend to bring to their Valentine’s celebration, he laughs
  • no V this is serious
  • he doesn’t need to think twice about agreeing to pretend to be your boyfriend
  • he’s a little nervous though… he doesn’t think he’s the best person for the job, but he’s honoured you asked him
  • he feels as though he should get you something, just to keep up the façade sure V
  • he reaches your door and bows his head, handing you his gift
  • you just stare at it for a moment
  • it’s a charm bracelet you’d commented was pretty once when you’d gone out into town together
  • and he’s even given you a small, camera charm
  • “To remind you of me” he jokes he’s not joking
  • it’s possibly the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever got you
  • this is a fake date…right?
  • not that you’d mind if it were real
  • he holds out his hand, pretending he needs help because of his sight, but he actually just really wants to hold your hand
  • you head to your parents’ house, and he’s trying desperately not to lose his cool
  • when you arrive, your family are instantly charmed
  • they adore him right from the start, and he just seems to fit in so easily
  • you barely even need to worry about leaving him alone in a room with them for a few moments while you go to the bathroom or talk to someone else
  • he’s just really good with people
  • eventually, you leave and your parents make both of you promise you’ll visit again soon
  • as you’re walking back, he holds your hand again
  • “Thank you so much for doing that,” you tell him, and he shakes his head
  • “It was my pleasure. Your family are lovely.”
  • you reach your house again, and your heart is racing
  • so is his
  • you turn to face him and he thanks the lord he wears his glasses, because there’s no way he would be able to maintain his composure and keep eye contact with you
  • “I had a really good day,” you tell him, and he nods.
  • “As did I.”
  • you’re still holding hands, and he squeezes it gently
  • “I don’t suppose…” he stammers for a moment, “Would you mind if I end this day with a kiss?”
  • you don’t reply for a second and he’s like shit did I cross the line?
  • that is, until he feels you shuffling closer to him
  • he leans into you, and your lips meet, taking your breath away
  • he gently cups your face in his free hand, and finally pulls back when he feels as though he wouldn’t be able to control himself any longer
  • “Thank you,” he whispers, “I’ll see you soon?”
  • “Yes,” you whisper
  • he heads back home with the biggest smile on his face
  • Valentine’s Day has never been something he’s enjoyed all that much, but now it has a whole new meaning
Kidnapped Starters

WARNING: possibly triggering content below!

Originally posted by empirefoxtv


“Hush now. If you scream too loud I may be forced to do something you’ll regret.”

“You are a pretty thing aren’t you?”

“Trust me. You were no crime of opportunity. I’m getting paid a lot of money to deliver you.”

“They say, 2/3 of kidnappings are performed by someone the victim knows. Want to take a guess as to who I am?”

“You are in no place to be making demands, missy/mister.”

“Say one more word, and I may be forced to cut out that sharp tongue of yours.”

“I am sorry about this. Guess you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lucky me.”

“Are you ready to behave, or do you require more punishment?”

“You better behave. You won’t like me when I’m angry.”

“Every time you misbehave I add a tally. You don’t want to know what happens after.”

“Beg. Convince me why I should keep you alive.”

“Looks like your _______ came through with the ransom after all. However, I’ve grown rather fond of you. I think I’ll keep you.”

“I’ve always wanted a pet. I wonder what sounds you can make.”

“When you can control yourself the gag will be removed.”

“You were being so careful too. Next time you think someone is following you. They probably are.”

“And where do we think we’re going?”

“They say when you can’t see your other senses amplify. What do my touches feel like, pet?”

“If you behave maybe you’ll get your own bed at my feet.”


“P-please. I-I didn’t see your face. J-just let me go, and n-no one will know.”

“Help, please!”

“Who are you? Show yourself!”

“You think tying me to a chair and swinging a knife is enough to intimidate me?”

“How do you know my name?”

“Tying me to a bed. Very subtle.”

“Please. I-I have money.”

“Why? Why me?”

“Could you loosen the handcuffs? They’re chafing my wrists.”

“You better hope I don’t get out of here.”

“I’ll give you whatever you want. Just please let me go.”


“Please. I can’t feel my legs.”

“No, no more. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Is the gun supposed to scare me?”

The signs as comebacks/insults

Aries : Remember that time I said I thought you were cool? I lied.

Taurus : You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.

Gemini : Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

Cancer: Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege.

Leo : Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

Virgo: Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

Libra : Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

Scorpio : Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d gotten enough oxygen at birth?

Sagittarius : Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?

Capricorn : There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.

Aquarius: I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.

Pisces : Some day you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.

Prompt List: One-liners

Single sentence prompts for various topics. Mostly angsty cuz I guess I’m an angsty person? Sorry

  • “I don’t know how to look you in the eye after the things I’ve done.”
  • “I can’t trust you alone right now.”
  • “I hate watching you do this to yourself.”
  • “Bullying is really just a type of abuse.”
  • “I wonder what the final straw was.”
  • “Your hands are just as dirty.”
  • “I haven’t been okay for a long time.”
  • “The government didn’t give me a choice.”
  • “You can’t run from time.”
  • “I’m trying really hard not to blame you for this.”
  • “I want to believe there is still some good in you.”
  • “My best wasn’t good enough.”
  • “I’m going to ask you something and you have to answer me honestly.”
  • “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”
  • “You know what we’re doing is wrong.”
  • “I keep seeing his face.”
  • “I’m so tired of the pain.”
  • “I’m so done with this life.”
  • “Life is a curse, not a gift.”
  • “I’m tired of living.”
  • ”Did you do this to yourself?”
  • “I didn’t want to make you do this.”
  • “I made a bet. I lost. It’s simple as that.”

There’s going to be a time, when he falls in love with someone else, and maybe she’ll be just like you. And maybe she won’t.

Maybe you’ll look at her and think, what did she have that I didn’t?

You’ll wonder what sort of special quality she had that filled the cracks in his soul, the way he said you never could.

You’ll wonder what was wrong with you.

Don’t doubt there’ll be a time, when he’ll see you with a guy you love, and he’ll wonder why he didn’t keep you when he had the chance.

He’ll wonder why he hadn’t realized he was ready for a relationship sooner.

He’ll regret not having you in his life.

But you won’t.

—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write
So, You Wanna Talk to Other Bloggers

A Guide

We all have those bloggers or mutuals we adore, and we’d love to reach out and plant the seeds of a bomb-diggity friendship, but then the anxiety sets in… I’m not interesting! I’ll just be a bother! I’m sure they have better things to do! I feel you, trust me, I think most of us feel shy, awkward, or anxious trying to make friends or join in on conversations (welcome to tumblr, home of anxiety-ridden everyone). BUT NO LONGER SHALL WE KEEP TO OURSELVES, MY BRETHREN. Really, though, booklr needs to rise and the number one way to do that is through conversation, comments, and reaching out to make friends. 

Here are some tips for overcoming that pesky social anxiety!

  • Bloggers are just people! I don’t care how many thousands of followers they have, bloggers are all just people. I have a higher follower count, but I’m really just trying to manage adulthood without crying, like the majority of us. Whether they’re a super popular blogger or new on the scene, all of us are just people trying to live life, which really makes us all equal. We’re all on the same team so it’s okay to talk and reach out to one another <3
  • Bloggers love hearing from others! I think most of us wouldn’t be here if we didn’t want to talk to anyone. I’m sure there’s a few of us who aren’t too concerned with being social, but numerous bloggers love seeing comments, getting messages, or having people join conversations. This is social media, meaning being social is expected and conversing is welcome! Nothing makes me more excited than hearing from others! I used to have a lot of interaction on this blog and I miss the community feel. I know I’m not alone. Don’t you want to hear from others too? We’re all ready to talk but one of us has to make the first step.
  • Public platform. You’re watching a post as two bloggers discuss a book you love. You want to add something but… would that be butting in? NO. It’s not butting in. Blogging is public, all of this is out in the open. If people wanted others not to contribute, they’d have the conversation private on messenger! These conversations are out there, on your dash, and we’d love to hear what you’d add to the conversation!
  • You are not annoying. Really, friend, this goes with “all of us are people”. You think you’re annoying? I think I’m annoying. We’re all our own harshest critics. Chances are if you send me a message, I’ll be too busy trying not to seem super lame while thinking you must wish you never instigated this conversation. Take a deep breath, remember your perceptions of yourself are often too critical and send that message or post that comment!
  • Everyone is busy. Have you ever sent off a message and after a day or two of no response, you begin to deconstruct your message, noticing how ridiculous you are? No wonder they didn’t respond! I’m an idiot! Nope, nope, nope, you are not. We all have lives and sometimes that keeps us from responding right away. Don’t panic after reaching out and thinking you said the wrong thing. Nine times out of ten, people are just busy and haven’t got around to responding. 

Okay, you think, I’ll try joining conversations or adding comments. But what if I want to shoot a message to someone but don’t know what to say!? Breaking the ice can be painful and if you’re not sure what to say, it can be a major roadblock to talking to someone. Here are some ideas:

  • Talk about something the blogger recently posted! If a blogger just posted a photo/review/discussion/etc you really liked, it’s a great way to segue into friendship! Send them a message with your thoughts and build from there!
  • Compliments! Everyone loves compliments! Is there something about this person you really like? Are they super nice? Do they take excellent photos? Do you rely on their book recommendations? Tell them! Telling someone you admire something they do are something about them is a great way to introduce yourself!
  • Talk about books! THIS IS BOOKLR. We’re all obsessed and armpit deep in books we want to read and obsess over. Ask about their favorite book! Give them a recommendation! Talk about that new movie adaptation! Books are an easy start because we all love ‘em! So use that love to help you make friends!
  • Be honest! I’m usually pretty frank with my messages. I’ll send someone an “I think you’re really cool and would love to be friends!” message and move from there. I now have several incredible friendships I’m immensely grateful for. It may seem awkward or blunt, but sometimes it’s easy just to be up front.

And remember, sometimes you just won’t click with people. Sometimes you’ll reach out to someone, the conversation fizzles and you don’t talk again. THAT’S OKAY! We’re all different and we’re all not going to become inseparable friends. If your attempt to reach out or talk doesn’t go anywhere, remember that it’s not you. And don’t let it stop you from trying again! Maybe the next conversation you join will introduce you to a lifelong pal! <3


The Discovery

(Your boyfriend Jin is reluctant to allow his sexual fantasy to become a reality.)

Warning: Smut, male dom, female sub, spanking, fellatio, teasing, intercourse, dirty talk. I am so going to hell for writing stuff like this.

“Jin.  Jin!  Jinnie! Yah, KIM SEOKJIN WAKE UP!”

Your attempts to gently nudge your boyfriend awake had failed, so you shook him awake instead.  You had already been up for an hour, had showered, dressed, did your hair and makeup and were ready to go do something fun for the day.  Your boyfriend, Jin, was always so busy with work it was rare to have a whole day for just the two of you.  You had spent the night at his place so you could get an early start on your plans for the day.  First was a bike ride in the park, then a picnic lunch, a trip to the aquarium, a puppy café, a movie, dinner, late night bowling and drinks.  Jin had laughed at you when you told him your list of what you had planned, and he was right, it would be impossible to do everything, but you wanted to try to do as much as you could.

Jin wrapped his arms around you and pulled you down onto the bed so your head was against his chest. He held you tightly so you couldn’t move much. “Baby, why don’t we just sleep a little while longer.   You wore me out last night.”

You smiled thinking of last night.  Making love with Jin was always such a pleasure.  He wasn’t adventurous in bed, but he was a generous lover, always making sure you were well taken care of.  You sometimes missed the wilder sexual activities you experienced with previous boyfriends, but you wouldn’t trade Jin for anyone else in the world. He was by far the kindest boyfriend you had ever had.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

SEVENTEEN'S COMEBACK IS SO CLOSE! I was wondering if you had any theories? I read a YouTube comment that said the trailers could represent each member's fear... What do you think their fears are?

S.Coups: His fear is losing direction. Seungcheol is seen running around the city, but he just keeps going around in circles, as proven when he’s seen passing by the same 17 sign over and over. As the leader of Seventeen, the members are depending on him to lead the way. He fears leading them in the wrong direction—failure—rather than the one they’re all hoping for—success.

Jeonghan: His fear is forgetting. In the trailer, Jeonghan is seen taking pictures with his object, a camera. Pictures are usually linked to memories, and people take pictures to remember precious moments. He’s afraid of forgetting all these moments spent with the other members. He takes pictures so that he can always look back at them and remember.

Joshua: His fear is people walking away from him. In the water, two people’s silhouettes can be seen, but one walks away, leaving the other all alone. Jisoo splashes water on his face to try to “wash away” his worries, but his worries can’t disappear so easily, and he knows that.

Jun: His fear is keeping his feelings inside, unable to express them. Junhui is seen holding letters, but they’re all from the sender and it’s unknown if he answered any of them. He’s afraid of keeping things bottled up inside, or that he will never be able to give an answer to questions he should be able to answer.

Hoshi: His fear is being unable to reach those he loves. It could be being so busy that he can’t find time to contact his family, or even fearing that he’s unable to express his thankfulness to us Carats. In his trailer, we see him pick up the phone, only to find out that there’s no one on the other side. Then he calls the number on the piece of paper he has with him, waiting for someone to answer. We don’t know if he was able to reach them.

Wonwoo: His fear is being unable to finish what he started, fear that he’s going to be interrupted. Wonwoo is seen flipping through channels, but each show is interrupted by static. He’s afraid that something might go wrong and ruin what they’ve all worked so hard for. The static is usually interpreted as disconnection, so he fears that a misunderstanding might happen between them all, resulting in separation. In the end of his trailer, we see the screen all clear again, which could mean that things would have to be cleared up so that everything can work again.

Woozi: His fear is being unable to find the answer no matter how hard he tries. Jihoon is a hard worker who puts his all into his work. As Seventeen’s song writer/producer, the members are all counting on him to create songs that would appeal to the public and their fandom. He fears that one day, he won’t be able to get the results he’s hoping for.

DK: His fear is feeling like he will never be good enough. In the trailer, Seokmin is seen running, but every time he checks his stopwatch, his time remains the exact same. This could represent how he feels that no matter how much he practices, he will never feel satisfied with his results. He feels like that’s the best he can do, and he will never get better.

Mingyu: His fear is falling behind. While his trailer can be interpreted as him feeling like he’s missing something, I think it goes much deeper than that. In the trailer, Mingyu looks up to see two clocks; one is pointing at 2:00, while the other is at 2:01. This is a very subtle detail, but it could possibly mean that he’s afraid of falling behind. No matter how hard you try to synchronize clocks, one is always slightly ahead of the other. Mingyu fears that the other members will show improvement except for him. The mirror could represent him fearing that his visual is all he’ll ever be known for, and not as a rapper or hard-working member of the group.

The8: His fear is the unpredictable. A Magic 8-Ball rolls out of the bag of groceries, and while this object is mostly linked to fortune-telling, it can also represent unpredictability as the user never knows what answer they will get. Minghao is afraid of what the future holds because he’s unsure if it’s a good one or a bad one.

Seungkwan: His fear is being trapped in something that feels never-ending, and impatience will be his downfall. In the trailer, Seungkwan is seen waiting for his laundry, but as it takes too much time, he gives up on waiting and dumps what he owes on one of the machines. His wash cycle would eventually come to an end, but he won’t be there to see it. He fears giving up too easily because of the thought of wanting quick, positive results. He’s afraid of getting himself into something so difficult that he doesn’t want to continue it, not knowing just how close success is.

Vernon: His fear is not knowing where he’s going, not having a specific goal in mind. Hansol is seen walking around an open field, looking in every direction, hoping it would help him find a way out. He fears feeling lost and completely hopeless, unable to find his way and decide which path to take on his own.

Dino: His fear is being unable to advance. In the trailer, Chan rolls his dice over and over, but no matter what, the sum is always the same. This number leads him right back to square one. He’s afraid of not being able to change his course, and that he’ll forever remain in the same place.

thank you for your request!!

Meanspo #3

How many times have you tried “not eating”? Probably a hundred. And guess what? You always fall apart and fucking binge. No wonder you’re still so fat! Oh yeah, go all day without eating, you get home, and then you pig out?! God you’re such a pathetic little bitch. If you wanna lose the pounds, then stop eating so fucking much. You always go overboard. What the fuck is wrong with you? If you keep this shit up, you’re just gonna prove that you’re parents were right, that you’ll always be a fatso. Do you wanna be fat forever? Well?! Then stop eating like a damn pig!

Please don’t take this offensively. I wrote it for myself. Please don’t hate.

I don’t want an apology.
I don’t need the two pointless words
“I’m sorry”, to spill out of your mouth with little to no truth in them.
I want the recognition. I want you to know how the words you said to me sometimes still keep me up at night. Or how I still spend days trapped in my own bed wondering what I did so wrong for you to leave me the way that you did, even though I know in my heart that I was too good for you. I just loved you too much to walk away first.
I want you to know that I’m absolutely terrified to give someone the power to make me happy again. You proved to me so violently that happiness can be given to me on a silver platter with a pair of innocent eyes and soft hands to hold. But those eyes can turn a sad shade of grey and a hand that is calloused and refuses to be touched within what seems like a few days.
And before I can catch my breath and figure out what the fuck is going on, why your hands turned cold or why you stopped looking at me with love, it’s suddenly a Tuesday morning where I find myself gathering every piece of me from where I once called my home.
And suddenly it’s been 7 months since I walked out your door. It’s been 4 months since we’ve spoken. It’s been 2 days since I’ve made eye contact with you.
Time is a funny thing. Some people say time heals all wounds, or makes them painfully deeper. I can’t agree with either. 7 months ago I wanted an apology. Today, I don’t need or want that. I want it to hurt for you. Even if it’s just for a day, or a moment, I want you to look at the girl you once called the love of your life, and realize everything you could’ve had, everything you should’ve said, everything you let go,
And everything you lost.
—  I was always too good for you
What Goes Around (M)

Plot: After discovering that your boyfriend cheated, you find yourself in a nearby bar drinking your sorrows away. You are mad at the world until a handsome stranger decides to sit next to you.

Genre: Angst/Smut

Characters: Chanyeol x Reader

Word Count: 2,253

Originally posted by fy-sexo-exo

The bar is packed tonight and all you can see are two shot glasses sitting in front of you, or is it only one? Whatever the case may be, you lost count about a six shots ago.

Keep reading

It Was All My Fault (Peter Parker Imagine)

Prompt: You’re seriously injured by a villain, and Peter does the only thing he can think of; taking you to Stark. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner help nurse you back to health, but not without a bit of help from a blood transfusion.

Peter Parker x Reader, words: 1693, requested?: no (i actually requested this from someone else and also wanted to write it) warning: near death experience

Originally posted by spydoor-man

Keep reading

Sticky Fingers

Host shambles through his library, cane in one hand and a book in the other. It’s peaceful, far more peaceful than today’s meeting. It was really just a shouting match about Anti’s latest antics and what the Egos should do about it. The Host is glad to be back to his usual peaceful surroundings.

Dark wants the Host monitoring all the Anti theories online and keeping him updated on them. As much as Dark dislikes sharing the limelight, he also needs to know what the glitch has up his sleeve, and the fans are typically quite good at sniffing such things out. Host is so tired of listening to the droning computerized voice reading out the posts to him, however, and he would much rather settle down quietly with one of his books.

Host drops into one of his armchairs with a sigh, rubbing his forehead and kicking up his feet on the little ottoman. He’s just getting good and relaxed when Wilford comes in stewing about Dark. “That no good attention hog. Not to mention what Anti might be doing to Jack and the others right about now. And what if he decides to come after us in the mean time?” Wilford ruffles his hair and twists his bowtie. “It’s exasperating!”

Host chucks a book at him, and Wilford catches it, absolutely shocked that Host would do something like that. But the Host just smiles. “Read a book.”

Wilford looks down at the lump of paper in his hands and makes a face. “I don’t know, Host. Books aren’t really my thing…”

“Books aren’t really my… Oh, Wilford! Don’t ever say that again.” Host covers his ears and pouts. “Books are filled with tons of things you’d like. Swordfights, pirates, treasure, all right there in that little book.” Host points at the leather-bound volume in the pink Ego’s hands.

Wilford’s eyes sparkle a bit as he flips through the pages. “There are pictures?”

“In that one,” Host smirks. “It’s a special edition, one that I paid a lot of money for. So no sticky candy fingers, got it?”

Wilford nods, turning to the first page and settling down into one of Host’s chairs. “I… I’m really slow at reading.” He glances up at the Host, but the blind man is still smiling.

“Take your time.” Host leans his head back and folds his hands in his lap. “You can read out loud if that helps.”

“Really? You wouldn’t mind?” Wilford looks down at the book again, at all the neat little letters all in perfect rows, but sometimes they just don’t want to behave properly. And he finds himself floundering to make them out.

Host traces his fingers along the needlepoint stitching of his armchair with a sigh. “Just softly, please.” Wilford nods and begins to read. He stumbles through a few chapters before the Host falls asleep and begins snoring softy, and Will keeps reading even after that for a few more minutes.

Once even he can’t keep his eyes open anymore, he takes a quick nap right there in the library and dreams of pirate ships sailing on storm-whipped seas and islands where buried treasure is hidden among the jungles. When he wakes up, he starts perusing Host’s library for more books. Once he has a sizeable stack, he pokes the Host’s shoulder until the other man stirs from sleep. “Can I borrow these?”

Host runs his hands over the spines of the books. “That’s quite a few, Wilford. Don’t you want to…” But he can sense Wilford’s excitement, as yellow as sunshine at first light. Host smiles. “Sure, take as many as you want.”

Wilford bobs onto his toes with a snicker. “Awesome!” And then he scampers off with the books piled up under his chin. Host shakes his head and gets up to check the latest Anti theories. Wilford returns the books after a few days, and the Host is somewhat pained to feel some of the pages stuck together with sugar. Though he wonders what else he expected from Wilford, the Ego always stuffing his face with candy.

So when Wilford comes back wanting more books, Host surprises him with a stack of his own. “Really? I can keep them?” Host nods, but Wilford suddenly goes silent.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you want them?” Host tugs at his bandages.

Warfstache shakes his head. “No, that’s not it! I just… I feel like I should do something for you now.”

Host smirks. “Don’t worry about it, Will. Really.” Wilford pauses for a minute and then gives Host a quick hug before the other Ego can protest and runs off with his books.

Great lay~Kai Parker~

Prompt:Kai is the bad guy but he is very attractive, you can’t help but be turned on by him.

Pairing:Kai x Reader

Warning:Smut, Visuals,

Keep reading

This Is Me Letting You Go - Letter #1: The beginning of our end [Grayson Mini-Series]

Hey guys! I posted a few days ago that I was gonna make this small series and I finally got part one done! This is a mini-series so it won’t have more than 10 parts probably 5 at most. I’ve been so busy with school now that classes have started. I really hope you enjoy!

There will be moments where there are flashbacks. Those will be in bold. Enjoy!

Dear Grayson, 

At this very moment, you are probably reading this first letter with that adorable look of confusion on your face that I adore so much. You’re probably wondering what these letters are about. Why did I write them? 

Well Grayson, it’s pretty simple. If you’re reading this, it’s because I’ve reached my breaking point and I just can’t keep faking it anymore. I can’t keep pretending I am happy when I’m completely broken inside. I know by now you’re probably shaking your head, thinking, “But why? No. I would’ve noticed if something was wrong. I would’ve known, I’ve always known”. But you didn’t know and you couldn’t have, and these letters will explain why.

Let’s start in the beginning, shall we?

It all started the day before you left for tour. Remember that day Gray? We had so much fun, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as much as I did that day. I remember the goal was to spend as much time as we could together, making the best memories that we could hold on to while you were gone for half a year, and we did. We took an impromptu road trip to the beach for the whole day, I never felt closer to you than I did that day. 

There was one moment in particular from that day that stayed in my mind the whole time you were gone. I don’t know if you remember, but as we drove home from our small road trip; you told me we needed to have a talk once we got home. I remember thinking all types of things in that moment. I was even thinking you were going to ask me to go to tour with you again, even though I had already said I couldn’t because of my job and summer school; but at that point, I was thinking of saying yes. Ready to leave it all behind because half a year without you would’ve been torture Gray. 

But that wasn’t it, was it? Once we got back to the apartment, the look you had on your face already said it all even if I didn’t want to admit it. 

“Y/N I… I just…” I saw Grayson look down at his hands for a moment before meeting my gaze once again, “I-I think we should take a break” 

I slowly step away from him, clutching my chest as my heart begins to fall apart from the impact of those five final words. We should take a break.

“Look Y-Y/N I love you, you know I do-”

“Then why the break?” I interrupted. How could he tell me he loved me and ask for a break at the same time? It didn’t make sense. 

“Just listen to me please” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, his eyes beginning to water. Once I nodded, he continued, “I’m going to be gone for six months okay? SIX MONTHS. That’s half a year! I don’t want to do the whole long distance relationship thing Y/N. Distance ruins relationships which is why I just think we should take a break until I get back. See how we are when I’m back for good and not just for a few days before leaving again for months.”

I shook my head profusely and turned away from him to make my way to the door. “If you want to be single while you’re on tour then just fucking say it Grayson! But don’t come to me with that taking a break bullshit, just so you’ll have someone to come back to when you’re back from sleeping with girls from all over the world.”

Before I could open the door all the way, I saw Grayson’s hand quickly shut it closed and turn me to face him once again. “Y/N you know I’m not like that” He grabbed my face and gently kissed me on the lips, “I’m. Yours. And. Only. Yours” he whispered in between kisses. 

I looked up at him as my tears fell freely, “Then why Grayson? Why break up?”

“I don’t want to, trust me, but tour is going to be super busy. And once we go international, we’ll be on different time zones. We won’t be able to talk as much as we’d like and I don’t want to make you feel ignored or upset. I don’t want that to make us end badly and permanently.” He bit his lip and looked down, trying to hold in the tears. 

Although this was the last thing I wanted, maybe he did have a point. This could just be a small break. I knew Grayson loved me and I loved him, this would just be temporary. Once he got back, we would go back to normal. 

I placed my hand on his cheek and made him meet my gaze once again, “Okay” I said with a sad smile. 

You told me you wanted to take a break and no matter how many times my heart told me not to do it, I accepted it. We thought it was what was best for us at the time, it was supposed to be a small break, but boy were we wrong right? And you know exactly what I mean by that. 

Because once you got back, you weren’t mine and only mine were you? You’re probably saying to yourself “No y/n, yes I was” because you kept your word. You didn’t sleep around while you were gone. No you didn’t cheat, if it can even be called cheating since we were no longer together. But you met someone on tour didn’t you? Amber. She worked for the company that created your tour and therefore was around you 24/7 for those six months you were away. Something I wasn’t. 

She had become a part of your life while you were away and you brought her along after you got back as well, saying you were “just close friends”. And you fought me on it back then and you’re probably still doing it right now, but I saw it in your eyes once you made it back home in December, there was more there. 

But Amber is the topic of our second letter. One thing for sure though, I wish I could go back and fight a little harder. Fight for us to stick together through this. Because we could’ve made it if we had. But you said it yourself, It was only supposed to be a break, and then everything was going to be back to normal. 

But instead it became the beginning of our end. 

- Y/N 


Eddy Lee - Paving the Path in Hamilton and Beyond (Huffpost):

As the first Asian male dancer to get hired for the Broadway Production, what are your thoughts on this? Do you feel you have to represent the API community? Or are you able to be just you?

Well, it’s definitely crazy to think about. I mean I never thought I’d be the first of anything! Let alone the first Asian Male ensemble member of Hamilton on Broadway!! I mean that’s just crazy! I’m just so grateful that they saw something in me and gave me this opportunity to represent in this already incredibly different and diverse show. I definitely feel a sense of need to represent the API community. Especially after meeting that Asian boy Leo after my debut. It was so telling for me the power that representation has to bring hope and belief to those watching. But I also don’t know any better way to represent than being who I am haha. This show just resonated with me on so many levels and I think it was because of that that I caught their attention. If anything maybe I’m helping to represent the API community by letting them know it’s okay to be yourself.


As one of the most hard-working, sweetest, salt of the earth, performers I know do you have any words of advice for your fellow Asian-American performers?

Aww, you’re too sweet! Ummm it might sound cliche but I’d say trust in yourself. I think too many times we rule ourselves out before we’ve even given casting the chance to do so haha. Trust in your own talents, your own abilities, and your own gifts that you know you have and show it to the fullest! You had that wonderful challenge earlier in the year about hitting 100 auditions by the end of the year or something along those lines and I think that’s such an amazing goal! Even if we’re not “right” for the part why should we stop ourselves from gaining that experience? Auditioning is such a different beast and you can learn so much every time you get into that room. It keeps you sharp and on your toes and if nothing else it’ll show casting that the Asian and Asian-American Community are here and we’re ready!

I remember when you started going in for this show. You had quite the lengthy audition process. Can you talk about it? How were you able to maintain a positive attitude throughout it?

Oh man! Indeed it was! I think I went in for them 13 or 14 times over the span of two years! I mean I don’t have an agent so I just kept going into every required call they had. Even if I had gotten pretty far in the call prior I still went to the ECC’s every time. I even went to some of the EPA’s! I wanted to keep going in and show them that I was working and improving, and I wasn’t gonna chance them remembering me and calling me in for an invited call. And Ooooh Weee, let me tell you it wasn’t easy keeping a positive attitude toward the latter part of those two years. Especially after I was in final callbacks for the Angelica tour. It was the furthest I had ever gotten and I felt pretty defeated when I didn’t get it. I kept beating myself up and wondering what I did wrong, or what I could have done better, or if I just wasn’t good enough and they finally saw that. A whole plethora of negative thoughts rushed into my mind, and truthfully the only thing that kept me a float and kept me in the game was the unrelenting support from my friends and family. I can’t tell you the number of talks and phone calls I had where I kept beating myself up and they kept picking me back up. I know for a fact I wouldn’t be here without any of them and I need to thank each and every one of them for knocking some sense into me and for not giving up on me! I mean they must have been so annoyed with me always having to bring my spirits back up! Haha! But what became really helpful to me is from talking to everyone I realized that I had become too focused on Hamilton. By that point, I was thinking, “This is my only shot and the only show I’m right for!” (Having a hip-hop background and loving theatre I mean it just makes sense). I had forgotten that I wanted to be a performer before I even knew Hamilton was a thing! And that’s when I shifted my mind set from “How can I get into Hamilton,” to “How can I improve myself as a person and a performer.” I started to get back into classes and going to as many auditions as I could and doing workshops and readings and whatever I could do to improve. It seems like it worked out for me! But for sure having my friends and family was absolutely critical for me booking this job. I’m nothing without them! […]

& congrats for having made his debut as George Eacker yesterday!

Couples Counseling

Summary: What better way to investigate a marriage counselor (who may or may not be responsible for the death of six of her clients) than to go to marriage counseling? It’s just pretend right? No different than putting on the FBI suits. Of course, nothing ever goes according to plan, and Sam and Dean quickly get more than they bargained for.

Warnings: Wincest, eventual smut (all the smut), slow burn, canon-typical violence

Word Count: 9,200+

A/N: This is the first of two parts, because the fic got away from me and ended up being too long to post as one part. The second part is complete and will be up tomorrow! Feedback MUCH appreciated on this one!


“Remind me again what we’re doing here?” Dean is only half-sitting down in his chair, looking very much like he’s one wrong answer away from fleeing.

“Calm down,” Sam answers, keeping his voice low and steady. “Three people, all from the same small town, murdered their spouse then committed suicide, all within the span of a week. The only thing they have in common is this therapist.”

Keep reading

softer world sentence meme.

❛ i miss doing nothing with you. ❜
❛ when i look at you all i can see are the mistakes we’re going to make. ❜
❛ i wish being a good person could erase the bad things i’ve done. ❜
❛ everyone you love will eventually die. but sure, go have another nap. ❜
❛ if we couldn’t carry our dead inside us, we would be empty. ❜
❛ when live gives you lemons take the lemons and be thankful you got anything. ❜
❛ i don’t know how to make things right. so i’ll just keep pretending that nothing’s wrong. ❜
❛ if you can’t stand the heat, stay out of hell. ❜
❛ there’s two ways we can do this. the easy way, or i cut you. ❜
❛ the hospital sounds restful. i could use a rest. ❜
❛ I’m in love with the you I wish you were. ❜
❛ you and i were meant to be together, even if we weren’t meant to be happy. ❜
❛ sometimes i want to ruin my whole life so i can start over without feeling guilty. ❜
❛ the only thing we leave behind when we die is fear. ❜
❛ i wonder what kind of person i’d be if i didn’t worry so much about what kind of person you wanted.  ❜
❛ even monsters are welcome when your home feels empty. ❜
❛ ah, unrequited love. when your best isn’t enough. ❜
❛ love is a drawer for knives to rust in. ❜
❛ there’s no silence worse than the silence of a friend. ❜
❛ looking at you is like looking in a mirror except i like what i see. ❜
❛ when my cage is by the window i can see the sun. ❜
❛ my body is a temple and there’s another funeral today. ❜
❛ infinity does not have your picture in its locker. ❜
❛ i have never seen them scared before. ❜
❛ you can’t get any further away before you start coming back. ❜
❛ nobody grows tired of something they can’t have. ❜
❛ there’s a lot that can go wrong in a life. ❜
❛ i was lost until i found you. now i’m lost and on the run from the cops. ❜
❛ happiness is not a house where you can live. ❜
❛ when they look back on their lives, they’ll smile. ❜

After seeing the way women are treated by men irl, after seeing how my friends have been treated by men in romantic relationships…it’s literally not surprising to me at all why romance novels are so popular and why some women love them so much. And yet the genre still gets so much flack?

Yes romance novel heroes are often too alpha to be realistic but think of it this way: at least in a romance novel, the alpha hero is fighting for the heroine. His feelings for her are never in question (for the reader anyways), just the way he expresses them. And no matter what goes wrong, he keeps fighting for her. Usually, in more modern romance, he has a moment of “I’ll leave her alone if she’s truly happy without me.” And then he goes and does something wonderful and a little crazy to win her back, to show her he cares. yes, it’s a grand gesture, a fantasy, but—I mean, I’ve dated a lot of guys and this has never happened to me, and I’ve deeply WANTED it to happen. I’ve wanted them to fight for me, and they…just haven’t. 

And yeah, some alpha heroes are a bit much, and my favorite pairing by far is alpha hero alpha heroine, but christ—is it really that difficult to see why women love reading about protective alphas when the men in our real lives usually cant even bother to text back? Is it really so hard to understand why a man who cares deeply, passionately, and yes, crazily, for the heroine is so cathartic for women who deal with “hmu later” and “we’ll hang next week” to read about? 

The men in my life and my friends’ lives are constantly making us feel like we aren’t a priority and are so careless in their treatment of us. We aren’t important enough to keep plans with. We aren’t important enough to ever become a girlfriend after literal YEARS of being a hookup. And these actions are not just coming from “bad guys” and no we aren’t just choosing the wrong ones. Like, I have so many female friends, and this is a universal experience for those of us who like men. So it is literally NOT SURPRISING AT ALL that women like reading about men who are ACTUALLY OBSESSED with their romantic partners. No, a lot of the shit that flies in romance novels wouldn’t be so great IRL but can you please just let women enjoy reading about men who care enough about them to do something crazy and heroic to win them over? Can we just let women live and have this fantasy and escapism without telling them that they aren’t feminist if they like this literature, or that romance is for “idiots?”