but i just about spit out my drink

Entry #1 - About Last Night - Smut - By @maddie110201

Originally posted by punksciles

Author: @maddie110201
Rating: NSFW 18+
Pairing: Dave Hodgman/Reader
Words: 5,123
Prompt:  “I hope everybody saw that because I will probably never be able to do it again.”

“Y’know you haven’t changed a day since you turned 18?” My best friend, Natalie said aloud as we were sitting on my couch looking through old photos of the two of us. She was holding a picture of me from my 18th birthday up to my face, looking for any difference.

“That’s sooo not true.” I tried defending, but she was right. I hadn’t changed one bit. Normally, people wouldn’t have a problem with not aging. Pretty much everyone wants to look as young as possible, for as long as possible. But that was just not the case for me.

Everyone in this world ages like normal until they turn 18. But when their 18th birthday finally comes, they stop aging until they’ve met their soulmate, so that they can grow old together. Sounds cute right? I used to think it was cute too.

Justin and I have been together for 6 years now. We met when we were 19 through a mutual friend and have been together ever since. He was my best friend and i loved him so very much. From old photos to new ones, I could tell that Justin had aged since we have been together, and it made my heart flutter knowing I was his soulmate. There was a slight problem, however…I have not aged one bit.

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A Deal with the Cipher

William was done, his band just kicked him out because of some bullshits about his too much aggressive behavior, Dethklok is a death metal or not? Anyway, he was drinking his booze, when suddenly, his booze brightened and a kind of genie came out of it. It was a yellow triangle with an eye, a black top hat and a bowtie.

“Heeyah, heyo, hello mortal! Drowning your sorrows, aren’t you?” Said the genie.

“What the fuck are you supposed to be?” William spitted at the genie.

“Very well, my name is Bill Cipher and I am THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS, BRINGER OF PAIN AND DESOLATION, also I like floating tea party sometime. I’m here to give you an opportunity that you cannot miss.” Announced Bill, even if he had no mouth to talk with.

William brushed his eyes, thinking that it was just a hallucination, but he seemed to be real. “So… What’s that opportunity?”  

“The opportunity of a new life, with a band that accept you, so much more people loving you for who you are!” Bill informed me, with sparkles in his eyes.

“Where’s the shit?” William asked.

Bill blinked for a moment before giggling. “There’s nothing wrong with this! An opportunity for you and me. Plus, your life does seem to be depression direction. Deal?”

William thought before replying. “Deal.”

“Peeeeerfect! First, I need you to sign this contract.”  

Bill gave William a contract and a feather to sign even though he was drunk. However, when he grabbed the feather, he pricked his finger and a droplet of blood fell on the contract.

“Hahahahahaha… I mean, sorry for the quill.”  

All of a sudden, the contract sucked William and Bill into a wormhole as their visions faded. When William woke up, he saw that the landscape was weird, 3D crap or something like this.

“Yes, it worked. Welcome to the real world, William Murderface!” Bill announced.

William thought that it was some kind of virtual reality or a weird dream, but it seemeed so realistic. However, when he tried to grab a beer on the ground, his hand just passed through it.

Looking at himself, William noticed that he was now kind of translucent. “Wh-what the fuck is happening?!”

“Oh yes. See the only reason that we could go into this world is because we didn’t believe in anything into our previous universe. The emptiness into our two souls was so strong that when you signed this contract, we were freed! Our reality was an illusion, but this world is real. Sadly, even though we broke the fourth wall, we’re still fictional and don’t exist in this world.”

“Then, what are we supposed to do? Watching people piss in the streets?!”

“Hahahihihehe… Don’t worry. This is where the fun begins. Look at this hottie here. Let’s follow him.”

The pair of fictional characters followed the man to his house, it was a bigass mansion. The guy was so rich that he started to undress even though he was still outside.

When he was finally inside, Bill whispered to me. “Psst, psst.”

“Why are you whispering? They cannot hear us.”

“I know, just wanted to mess with you, haha!… You saw this piece of meat? You could like to be him, right?” Bill said as William nodded. “Then, just rush toward him and possess his body!”

William was astonished, him, who was nothing but a ton of ugliness, could be this handsome guy? Thinking no more, William ran toward the man, closing his eyes when he touched him. But, nothing happened and was now lying on the floor, still translucent, as Bill laughed at him.

William glared at him while Bill spoke. “You should have read the contract, you cannot possess this body… But I can!”

Then, Bill waited for the guy to took off his pants and as he leant to untie his shoelaces, Bill floated and dived into his briefs, shoving his triangle form in his ass. The man yelped with a surprised and girly voice when he felt this.

“Shit, that guy has a tight ass!” Bill announced.

Whatever, Bill kept pushing while the man was moaning and trashing around his mansion. He grabbed his butt cheeks, stretching them but Cipher was still shoving himself inside him.  

“Oh merde! Something is stuck in my ass?!” The man complained, trying to call 911.

‘Shit, he was French, the ladies loved that.’ Thought William. Nonetheless, this feeling was too much overwhelming and he could not dial the numbers. Bill was soon under the guy’s abs. However, Bill was lost and he looked at a map to find his way.

“Hmm, so the third eye anja chakra is around the forehead. Let’s take over this delicious puppet!”

Bill was having fun, using his triangle form to sting the inside his body as he was scared and confused.

“No! What’s happening to me?!” The man screamed for help.

Then, Billy was in the guy’s throat and when he yelled, William could see Bill in his mouth as he winked to William from inside the guy. Climbing to the brain, Bill drawn on the guy’s forehead a triangle before inserting himself on it.

“Arrggh! Ma tête! Nooo, UNNNGGGG!” The guy kneeled before collapsing.

All of a sudden, a third eye appeared on the guy forehead. His two others eyes were still close but the guy was now standing up, looking at his body.

“Dear God, look at this, I’m colossal!” The man said without moving his mouth and with Bill’s voice.

“Huh, Bill, is that you?” William inquired.

“Of course, it’s me! What do you…” Bill said, checking himself in the mirror. “Not bad, but I need to be more discreet with this.”  

Consequently, the man’s third eye closed and he took a deep breath, before opening his real eyes and smirking at William.

“Hey.” Said Bill, perfectly mimicking the guy’s hot baritone. “Damn, this vessel has an arousing voice, I’m already use to it. And this body, yummy yummy… Bonjour, je suis Paul Delaqueue, enchanté de vous connaitre.”

Billy caressed his body, licking his hairy arms and biceps. Then he pinched his nipples and moaned, bouncing his pecs. A devilish smile crossed on his angelic face as he started to tickle his abs and thighs.

“Hahaha! Even his laugh is virile, hohohaha!”

William watched the body that he thought was his, astonished and clenching his fists.

“You bastard! Where is my body?”

Bill looked annoyed, raising an eyebrow on his handsome face. Something wrong was on his mind and William could see this, even on a stunning beauty face like this.

“Willy-boy, don’t worry. Your body would be easy to find. This succulent host’s bratty spoiled daughter will go to an event where is your future vessel. Unfortunately, I think that she needs to be grounded for interrupting so much of my affairs by harassing so much on the phone… Oh yeah, I can feel it, this one is a manwhore, a real stallion. He fucked so much pussies. Haha, I don’t know if I can make his life even more fucked up, but it will be a pleasure to try!” Billy laughed as he headed to his closet. “Yesss, these clothes will suit this mouthwatering figure better!”

Bill arrived in front of the mirror, touching his tanned borrowed skin while dressing himself up and making sexy faces in the mirror. “Hmm, what a stud, yeah you are such a slut aren’t you? Ruining your wedding by cheating with your future wife’s sister, yeah daddy, you delectable prick. You deserve to be slapped to death.” Bill started to slap himself until his cheeks were red.

“Hey weirdo! We have to go!”

“You’re not fun… I’m not done with you.” Bill winked at his reflection as William rolled his eyes.

Bill took a fancy sport car and drove us to the sought destination. It was a concert.

“Wait, you’re telling me that I will possess a music bitch?” William asked, thrilled.

“I already told you that you would be a part of a band, haven’t I? Now, follow me, we, or rather this body has backstage pass”

We walked away from the crowd and screeching fangirls before going behind the scene. There was a lodge but, ironically, a bodyguard was guarding the body that I was supposed to take.

“Sorry man, Payne canno… *Bam!* ” Bill punched the bodyguard and flexed his gun.

“Holy cow, this body is so strong!” Bill congratulated himself before blocking William. “Wait! Why not possessing this guy during the concert? When he is singing in front of this foolish crowd?!”  

“Then, why knocking out the bodyguard?” William questioned.

“Why? Why? Because I wanted to punch someone with this mountain of muscles, haha!”

William sighed as they both waited for the singer to come. However, William saw nobody that could be his vessel. “Where is he?”

“Willy, can’t you see? He’s right there!” Bill scowled him as he pointed someone singing.

“You piece of shit! You want me to possess this faggot?!” William screamed, pissed off.

“Hey, relax, Liam Payne got some muscle on his bones, plus he would be great on this hard boner I’m right now.” Bill taunted William, thrusting his ethereal body.

“No way, you’re a fucking queer?” William interrogated Bill.

“I’m everything that I want, the only things that I want is fun and chaos. So, if fucking Liam Payne’s vagina ruin these fangirls’ dreams, heck yeah I’m gonna do this.” Bill announced, madness having took over his handsome face.

“Fuck you, I prefer cutting off my own dick rather than doing some gay shit.” William refused.

“Boohoohoo… Too bad, Liam is the only body you can possess, written on the contract my dear. Plus, if you don’t possess someone, you will soon disappear and cease to exist.” Bill told William, grinning like a maniac.

William sighed, looking at Liam’s smaller and younger body before rushing to him. Liam, ignoring the spirit’s presence, was still singing.

“…only you can dance with me. So, put your hands on my bodyyyyy! AHHHH!” Liam yelled as William pushed himself on his back, forcing his bigger body inside him.

Medics came and brought Liam to his lodge, he was convulsing, fighting for control. After a moment, Liam stopped to move and opened his eyes.

“Liam, are you okay?” The medic asked.

Liam’s innocent face soon turned into an annoyed one as he answered. “Fuck off.” His voice was still the same but it seemed like he was trying to have a deeper tone.

Then, the concert was cancelled and Liam did not want to talk with anyone. People thought that he was acting weird. All he wanted to do was to work out.

“Fuck, this faggot better gains more beef or I’ll kill myself.” William complained.

“Really? It would be such a shame to waste this bottom slut potential.” Snickered a familiar voice.

The person was Billy, he was lifting much heavier weights. The fucker even tattooed his stolen body!

Bill was taunting William, he was stuck in that weak body while Bill possessed a Greek Demigod.

“Liking my tattoo? I was thinking about you when I put this blooming flower bud on his beefy bicep.” Bill mocked William.

“Go fuck yourself.” His victim answered.

“Already did, several time.” Bill licked the sweat on his toned arm before savouring his lips. “You know, my ex-wife asked me why I went to a One Direction concert. I told her that it was for banging your sweet twink butt. And you know, I don’t want to lie to her.”

Bill caressed William’s hand but he quickly pushed him.

“Listen gay bitch, I will become more muscular. Then I will beat your ass, understand?” William threatened Bill, but he was unfazed.

“Whatever you want sweetie.”

As the days passed, William hated his new life more and more. Cheesy ass songs were stuck in his mind and irritating fangirls were following him every time. However, he could not deny that his new body was not that bad. For a young shit, he had a bigger cock than his previous body and the workout started to took effects. One time he was singing and his guns were bulging!

It was hard to say but William started to accept his new life. In spite of, he decided that Liam was now HIS body and HIS life, so why he should endure this rainbow unicorn shit every day? Soon, “Liam” dumped One Direction, changed his name for “L-Pain”, became hairier and tattooed his body. Despite of this, the fangirls loved his bad boy persona and William was not annoyed. He could have sex with so much chicks. For the first time, women were telling him that he was handsome!

Now, a death metal singer, Liam was walking to his trailer but he heard someone in. He fell the perfume of soap. But William hated soap because of gay shit tricks. He walked into his trailer bathroom, hearing someone snoring. Then, he saw Bill, sleeping in his bathtub.

“Oh, bonsoir. Want to join me, cutie?” Bill/Paul flirted with me.

“I’m not into this fag crap, get the fuck out of my bathtub!”

“Let me fulfill your wish, mon amour.” Paul winked at William before standing up, revealing the giant monster between his legs. It was probably 13 inches!

Paul grinned, caressing Liam’s neck, blowing foam at him.

William was trying to resist. “I won’t…”

“Shhh.” Paul put a finger on his lips. “Let me show you why French are the best lovers.”

Paul kneeled and gently lapped with his tongue Liam’s balls before licking the peak of his rod. Grasping his penis, Paul laughed.  

“Cute little wiener.”

“Fuck you Bill.”

Paul smirked before returning to his licking, then he lightly touched with his teeth the stiff before swallowing and gorging it. Liam moaned while Paul’s strong lips were moving back and forth on his dick.

“Oh oh OH! Faster!” Urged Liam as precum leaked.

Paul smiled as he grabbed Liam’s athletic legs and stood up. Paul made Liam span his head to the ground, holding Liam’s rod with his mouth. Paul snatched Liam’s butt cheeks, slapping them and sucking like a vacuum under steroids. Suddenly, he stopped sucking.

“What are you doing faggot? Deepthroat me!” William complained.

“Then, beg for daddy.” Bill prompted William.


“If you want more, beg for daddy to suck your tiny dick!”

“Ung… Please Daddy! Suck my small tiny dick!”

Paul grinned as he opened wide his mouth and stuff Liam’s whole dick inside, chewing it.

“OOOHHH SHIT! Dad, I’m gonna cuuuum!”

Jizz erupted and overflowed into Paul’s mouth before he let Liam fall into the bathub. Next, he also jumped in the bath and french kissed Liam, thus, they were both tasting his sugar semen.

“Do you want more, little man?” Paul asked Liam while he was beating his neck. “ Do you want to know how it feels to have a real man fucking your tight cunt?”

“Yes, Daddy, please, make me feel this!” Liam pleaded.

Suddenly, Paul lifted Liam before pulling him to his hard wood. Thrusting his entire member into Liam’s virgin hole.

“AHHH! This feel so good, daddy!”

Paul used his brawny hips to push his dick deeper into Liam’s boypussy, digging to the last inch as they both moaned and groaned. Paul’s meaty pecs inflated with his biceps flexing as he fucking his boytoy. Consequently, Liam gave all of his body to the gorillalike man, behaving like a bottom bitch.  

“UNNG! You like this you faggot?” Paul taunted his partner.

“Ooh, yye-yess! MORE!” Liam tried not to faint while talking.

Paul’s huge balls grew bigger with the cum gathering inside them. Liam caressed Paul’s manly beard, tickling his fingers before groping his Herculean arms. Jesus, they were flexing at every thrusting! His hole was even more stretched as Liam leaned closer to Paul’s chiseled torso, licking his hard nipples and pawing his pecs. Liam pressed Paul’s orgasm buttons as he cummed and shot loads of sperm inside Liam.

“OOOH FUCK!” Roared Paul whereas Liam was panting and could not even scream.

Paul hugged Liam with his powerful arms, releasing more semen in his asshole before they both relaxed. Liam was resting his head Paul’s pec as they decided to sleep into their testosterone bath.

“What happened to your tattoo?” Asked Liam

“I removed it, now that I fucked your rosebud I don’t need it anymore… It was a heck of a pain but this bastard deserved it.” Replied Paul.

“Hey, I heard that you liked fun and chaos. What do you think about fucking this whole word, together?”

“Only if it’s involve having sex every seconds.”



endless list of actors i love: [1/*]

↳ Josh Groban

One couple came up to me, quite excitedly and said that my voice was-he [the husband] compared my voice to his wife’s vagina! Which I didn’t get! I have no idea, but the wife was like “It’s true!!” So she’s in on it and I was drinking a giant glass of milk at the time and just spit everything out. I was scared to ask about that. Haha, like the acoustics must be incredible!

New In Town

Originally posted by barbaratrey

Request: Would u do a Sebastian imagine where the reader is new in town and Sebastian like shows her around and he ends up finding out she joined glee club at McKinley and he is worried she will find out what all he’s done to them

Notes: Okay sorry this took forever, I’ve just been more busy lately. Sebastian isn’t really fully in character in this one, but it was as close as I could get with following the request. Hope you enjoy!

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Zane~Chan Headcanons

-Zane keeps one of those pin roll things to pick up after all of K~C’s fur

-K~C bakes special cupcakes for Zane whenever he’s in a extremely bad mood (otherwise you could say he’s in a bad mood 90% of the time LMAO)

-Zane the ‘hater of hugs’ secretly enjoys it when she hugs him and sometimes gives in to cuddling on the couch w/her

-K~C sometimes steals Zane’s sweaters and wears them just to annoy him (unbeknowest to her that he actually thinks that they look good on her–not that he’d ever admit that)

-They constantly argue over whether to watch Horror or Romance on movie nights and/or going to the movies

-Having to find homes for kittens or puppies that Kawaii~Chan finds off the street since she won’t do with 'just leaving them there’

-Them BOTH being the alpha’s of the relationship (tbh bc even though K~C’s like super sweet and bubbly I don’t see her as the submissive type but that’s just my opinion lel)

-MARATHONS OF (my little cutie?? idr the show name)

-Having a shelf completely dedicated to collectible MLC(?) figures


-Zane making th emistake of letting K~C make his coffee, only to have him spit it out full force because it’s beyond sweet instead of being black (like his soul–)

-K~C excitedly bouncing up and down and shouting about something in public while he just stands there with an 'I don’t know them I swear’ look

-Pranking Zane with her and Aph’s infamous make-over while he’s sleep

-K~C knitting Zane the cutest, pinkest, most adorable scarf ever and forcing him to wear it all Christmas, though overtime he comes to love it and treasure it

-LOTS of sleeping in

-K~C teaching Zane how to bake, and him miserably failing and getting mad but he eventually gets better

-Zane not allowing her to drive whenever he’s in the car because she’s a crazy driver

-Kawaii~Chan dragging Zane to Mall Day with Garroth

-Her also trying and failing to get him to join her yoga practices

-Zane constantly scolding her for scratching up the furniture

-K~C using her annoyingly cute charm on him to get out of situations

My petty revenge

When I first started college I was working as a waiter at one of the only sit-down restaurants in town and we always had this older couple come in on Tuesdays for the two for one burger sale. I had started there as a host and the other waiters and waitresses would always complain about how rude they were and how poorly they would tip them. When I started training to be a server they were one of the first patrons I had to work with. Even though they had been coming there for months they started acting like they didn’t know how the two for one deal worked and I kept trying to tell them that it was just a buy one get one free deal. The man kept heckling me and my manager noticed so he came up to resolve the issue. After that they complained about how long it took them to get their food when they did they sent a few items back. Mind you, i was still training and they were one of two tables I was allowed to work with that night. When they left I went to clear the table and found out that they hadn’t left a tip. I had a few more experiences with them that went almost exactly like this and I always dreaded working on Tuesdays because of how rude they were to me. One day my grandparents were visiting and they were asking about the restaurant I worked at and I started complaining about this couple’s treatment towards me. I started describing them and my grandma stopped me and asked, “do they come in every Tuesday for two for one burgers before going dancing at the senior living center?” I had no idea how she would know that until she told me that he was one of my cousins. The next time the couple came in it was with my grandparents, my grandparents and I didn’t greet each other right away. I was going around the table taking orders and I took my cousin’s order first, as per usual he barked his order and then complained about having me as a server again I didn’t respond I just turned and said with as sickenly sweet of a voice as I could muster “and what will you have grandma and grandpa?” He nearly spit out his drink when he realized I wasn’t joking. After they left I went and found the table much cleaner than usual and a much bigger tip, I guess it’s only awful to mistreat people if they’re not related to you.

Auston Matthews #7

Anonymous said:I have an Auston request if you’re willing to take it!! Auston is known for his playboy ways and he meets a girl via mutual friends, they hook up but keep talking after and he realizes that he actually really likes her but she’s hesitant cause of his reputation. (It doesn’t have to be smut cause of the hook up, you could probably start after they hook up you wanted)

Anonymous said:Auston Matthews imagine where the reader won’t date him bc of his reputation but he gets drunk and she sees a different side of him??

A/N: oh how i love being able to get two requests done in one imagine :)) also i 100% got inspired by @jveseys auston imagine that i had recently reblogged, so you can thank her for getting my ass in gear and actually writing an auston imagine lol

Word Count: 2,759

Originally posted by tysbarrie

“Are you really going to sit here and pretend you didn’t sleep with that hot piece of ass?” Your friend joked in a low voice. It took everything inside of you to not turn and smack her hard on the arm for her comment. Instead you settled for rolling your eyes and taking a sip through the straw of your vodka drink.

Keep reading

                                                BE      MORE      CHILL      SENTENCE     STARTERS.

❛        c’mon            ❜
❛        go      !        ❜
❛        my      brain      is      gonna      freakin’      explode.        ❜
❛        freaking      out      is      my      okay.        ❜
❛        good      morning      ,      time      to      start      the      day.        ❜
❛        i      don’t      wanna      be      a      hero.        ❜
❛        i’ll      never      be      your      rob      deniro.        ❜
❛        i      don’t      wanna      be      special.        ❜
❛        i      just      wanna      survive.        ❜
❛        that’s      not      what      i      need      right      now.        ❜
❛        that       was      smooth.        ❜
❛        i’m      feeling      kinda      cocky.        ❜
❛        you      look      like      ass.        ❜
❛        what’s      wrong      ?        ❜
❛        why      am      i      telling      this      to      you      ?        ❜
❛        my      heart      is      like      wow      !        ❜
❛        it’s      better      than      drugs.        ❜
❛        right      now      you’re      helpless.        ❜
❛        you      &      i      are      a      team.        ❜
❛        high      school      is      hell.        ❜
❛        watch      out      !        ❜
❛        we      have      each      other’s      back.        ❜
❛        you’re      my      favourite      person.        ❜
❛        it’s      an      effed      up      world.        ❜
❛        everything      about      you      is      so      terrible.        ❜
❛        don’t      freak      out.        ❜
❛        you      look      sexy.        ❜
❛        it’s      still      painful.        ❜
❛        do      you      wanna      ride      ?        ❜
❛        don’t     you      say      no.        ❜
❛        you      have      to      obey.        ❜
❛        then      something      changes.        ❜
❛        a      guy/girl     that      you’d      kinda      be      into.        ❜
❛        are      you      coming      ?        ❜
❛        am      i      late      ?        ❜
❛        you      need      a      drink.        ❜
❛        no      you      can’t      come      in      !        ❜
❛        i’ll      just      blame      it      on      weed.        ❜
❛        wish      i      was      never      born.        ❜
❛        god      !      he/she’s      such      a      loser.        ❜
❛        awesome      party.        ❜
❛        spit      it      out            ❜
❛        i       thought      i      was      dreaming.        ❜
❛        no      ,      i      was      crying.        ❜
❛        i      gotta      help      somehow.        ❜
❛        the      situation      is      grave.        ❜
❛        you      just      suck      it      up      &      go      !        ❜
❛        that’s      not      what      i      wanted.        ❜
❛        i      love      you.        ❜

About Last Night- Dave Hodgman

Author- @maddie110201

Pairing- Dave x Reader

Words- 5,123

Warnings- SMUT, cheating, some have cried while reading (bwahahaha)

Prompt-  “I hope everybody saw that because I will probably never be able to do it again.

A/N- So I wrote this for @dumbass-stilinski competition and wasn’t going to originally post this on my page,  however some people are asking for a part two so i would like to have both on my page. With that being said i will not write a part two unless you guys let me know what you want to see because i have absolutely no idea where to go from here!

Also, HAPPY DAVE WEEK Y’ALL. @ninja-stiles and i are so excited to see what y’all come up with!!!

Thank you to @were-cheetah-stiles for proofreading this for me. Shes such a babe. I hope y’all enjoy!!!!


Originally posted by lifeinabooktorn

“Y’know you haven’t changed a day since you turned 18?” My best friend, Natalie said aloud as we were sitting on my couch looking through old photos of the two of us. She was holding a picture of me from my 18th birthday up to my face, looking for any difference.

“That’s sooo not true” I tried defending, but she was right. I hadn’t changed one bit. Normally, people wouldn’t have a problem with not aging. Pretty much everyone wants to look as young as possible, for as long as possible. But that was just not the case for me.

Everyone in this world ages like normal until they turn 18. But when their 18th birthday finally comes, they stop aging until they’ve met their soulmate, so that they can grow old together. Sounds cute right? I used to think it was cute too.

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Description: Sometimes the guys can’t keep secrets. Sometimes that’s okay.

Genre: Fluff, High School! AU

Pairing: Oh Sehun x reader

Word Count: 2,779

Originally posted by luedeer

I’d been here at Baekhyun’s house for two hours, listening to the guys drone on and on about lame guy stuff. I didn’t quite know what they were talking about right now. I had tuned them all out awhile ago. It was me and four of the guys: Jongin, Chanyeol, Baek, and Kyungsoo. I loved them, but not enough to listen to them talk about… sports?

“But yo, when are tryouts?” I heard Chanyeol ask to no one in particular. Baekhyun answered almost immediately. “Next Thursday, but you have to have an updated physical and gear.” Chanyeol groaned. “That’s not even the best part. The gear has to be brand new. Literally fresh off the shelves and directly to the field or you practically won’t be allowed to tryout.” Baek’s statement made Chan groan louder. “Ugh, I hate tryout season. Like honestly, what’s wrong with the gear we already have? I literally replaced all my equipment last season. More importantly, what if we don’t even make the team. Then we have all this spanky new gear for nothing!” He ranted.

Kyungsoo spoke next. He didn’t speak often when they had conversations like this, but when he did it was good. “You suck at baseball, so you’re the only one that has to worry about that.” This made all the guys erupt into laughter, and even I broke out into a small giggle. Chan’s face turned red, partly from embarrassment. “Aye, leave him alone. At least he can make it to tryouts Mr.I’m-too-scared-to-tryout-for-basketball-so-I’m-just-gonna-hideout-in-the-library.” Kyungsoo gave Jongin a death glare. “That’s not what happened you doof. I had a stupid research paper to finish and the coaches made me go to the library to work on it.” Jongin cowered as Kyungsoo spoke. I didn’t know why though. Jongin was the only one that could get away with saying stuff like that it him. It was obvious that he had a soft spot for him. “Yeah, leave him alone guys. Besides, even if he could try out, he’s too short to make a basket.” Kyungsoo didn’t hesitate to jerk on a strand of Baekhyun’s hair as the guys burst into another bout of laughter. The digs the guys got on Kyungsoo was what usually got them the most riled up, mainly because it didn’t happen often seeing as how nobody wanted to get killed by one of his death stares.

I honestly couldn’t stand listening to them go on. “Can you guys not be so boring? I’m practically falling asleep.” All the guys looked at me with playful annoyance. “Did we ask you to speak?” Baekhyun asked, mocking a face of disgust. “Cause I don’t recall.”

“Aye, I don’t recall asking for permission to speak, not that I’d let any of you losers to grant me that right.”

The guys all let out in a chorus of “Ooooo.” Chanyeol was next to speak.“So sassy.” Baekhyun mumbled something under his breath right after him. I didn’t quite catch it all, but I caught some of it. “No wonder… on you…”

“Would you like to say that again Baek? Maybe a little louder?” I said, mocking a stern tone we’d all heard Baekhyun’s mother use with him. He was quite the sassafrass. He was constantly getting in trouble with his parents because he couldn’t stop himself from saying something sarcastic or snarky. He rolled eyes. “I SAID, NO WONDER OUR SASSY MAKNAE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!” He shouted even though we were all barely two feet away from each other. “Smartass.” I huffed crossing my arms. The guys got back into their previous conversation. I snatched my phone up from its place on the table behind us. I started mindlessly scrolling through social media. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular, I just wanted something to prevent me from going completely insane while the guys talked about… hockey?

I grabbed one of the cups off the table, and took a big gulp of the fizzy soda. No wonder our sassy maknae likes you. Baekhyun’s words from earlier popped back into my mind causing me to spit my drink out. It flew from my mouth and straight from my nostrils too. “Eww Y/n, what the fuck?” Chanyeol squealed. For someone so manly, he sure did squeal and scream alot. “sEHUN LIKES ME?!?!” Chanyeol nodded. He and Jongin started wiping the soda off the table, Baekhyun was drying himself off, and Kyungsoo had moved to the other side of the room. He’d just barely avoided getting soda spit on him because he had gotten up to fix himself more drink at the same time soda was spewing from my nose.

“He’s had feelings for you since like practically day one.” Jongin said just as he finished wiping off the table. “Yeah.” Baekhyun agreed. “It’s so obvious too. He’s always drooling over you when we’re all together.” My jaw dropped. There was no way in hell, Sehun, of all people, liked me. I had a major crush on him, and the universe was never ever kind enough to let your crush reciprocate feelings. I got a rag from the laundry room, wet it, and made sure the table was clean. Once I was done, I threw the rag back at Baekhyun for him to put it where it goes. Anytime any of us tried to help him straighten up the place he got upset.

“You guys can’t be serious.” I said. The guys loved to joke around, so I wholeheartedly believed this was another one of their pranks. “You should see the way he looks at you.” Kyungsoo stated, making his way back to the table once he was sure it was clean. “And when you’re not around, we can never get him to shut up about you. Y/n, this. Y/n, that. Makes me wanna slap the kid sometimes.” Jongin added. Something in me still didn’t quite believe them, but regardless I spilled my own feelings to them. “Well, I sorta maybe have feelings for him too.” I whispered, covering my face as soon as the words had left my lips.

“OH MY GOD! WE CAN SET YOU TWO UP!” Baekhyun screamed, jumping up and down in the process. Matchmaker, one of his favorite things to do. “No! He doesn’t know.” I said, feeling my face heat up. I knew exactly how the guys were, now that we were on this topic it would be awhile before we were on to something else. “You didn’t know how he felt about you, but look at you now.” Chanyeol said, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders as if this wasn’t sort of big deal. “Bye Yeollie, that’s different.” I whined, I was way too chicken to tell Sehun about my tiny, huge, crush on him. “Honestly, I’m content with him never knowing.” Before I had the chance to say anything else, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Jongdae.

From Dae: Okay but like dont hate me

From Dae: butttttttttttttttttt

From Dae: Something may or may not have slipped…

“I say you just waltz up to him and tell him how you feel.” Jongin suggested from his seat across from me at the table. “Jongin, that’s lame.” I said, quickly replying to the ominous text message I’d just received.

To Dae: Explain

“Or you could have one of us tell him, like me for example?” Baekhyun said, I was looking at him, but I could tell he was wearing the biggest grin of his life. “You only want to do it because you like being in other people’s business.” His first reply was a scoff. “Not true, I enjoy being kind and helping others around me.”

From Dae: SOOOO likeeeee

From Dae: I love you Y/n, you know that right??

I was starting to get impatient. What had he done this time? “Text him.” “Call him.” “Meet up with him. “Send him a letter.” “Send him an email.” “Send him a snapchat.” “Post in on Instagram.” “Slide in his DM’s.” The guys just starting shouting out suggestions. I couldn’t help but giggle as some of the options started to get ridiculous.

From Dae: Hunnie knows you like him

From Dae: dont kill me pls

I screamed as I typed out my reply. Jongdae was one of the first, and for a while the only, people to know about my crush on Sehun. The other was Yixing.


To Dae: UGH im so gonna punch you next time I see you

To Dae: ur such a punk, i hate you

I didn’t notice, but the guys, all except for Baekhyun who moved to the other room to take a phone call, had moved behind me to peek over my shoulder. They were reading my messages. “Whelp, looks like you don’t even gotta worry about telling him now.” Chanyeol laughed, ruffling my hair, something he knew I hated with a passion. I punched his shoulder for revenge. “Leave me alone you crusty heathen.” I said, pushing the red haired giant away from me. He stumbled, and hit his side on the kitchen counter. I could tell the blow to his hip hurt, Chanyeol burst into a fit of giggles. He was so odd.

“Hey guys,” Baekhyun said. He tossed his phone back on the table, where it was pre-phone call. “Sehun and the others are coming over. Also what do you guys want to eat.” The four shouted food suggestions at Baekhyun. I didn’t understand how he understood all the clamour, but I was more focused on the fact that Sehun would be here any minute

From Dae: i luv you tho :’(

From Dae: Also we’re coming to Baek’s

Hearing the fact again made me scream.

To Dae: I KNOW

I pretty much continued screaming even though about thirty minutes had passed. I screamed even more when I heard a knock on the door. Luckily it only turned out to be the pizza we had ordered. We were supposed to wait for everyone to get here, but I was so anxious it was making me hungry. I ended up scarfing down close to a whole pizza by myself.

We always get like five orders of breadsticks, and I ate about one and a half of those. They weren’t even that good, but I was so nervous to see Sehun I couldn’t stop myself. I actually began pacing around the room as we awaited the other guys’ arrival. I was shook beyond belief. How was he gonna react? What was he gonna say? Was he even going to talk to me? Was everything going to be awkward the rest of the night? I didn’t know what to do, so when another knock came to the door I ended up screaming once more and hiding in Baekhyun’s room. I could hear Chanyeol laugh at me as I did so, but I didn’t care.

To Dae: Meet me in Baekhyun’s room ASAP

I assumed he got my message when about ten minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I had locked it just in case. “Open up!” He shouted through the door. I hurriedly unlocked it and went back to pacing. “Jongdae, I can barely breathe!” I uttered, my nerves causing my hands to start shaking. “Is that so?” I expected to hear Jongdae’s voice, but instead I was met with that of Sehun’s much deeper one. “WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!” I screamed for the umpteenth time today. “The guys pushed me in here and said they wouldn’t let me out until we talked, so here I am.” I didn’t know what to do or say. Literally the only thing I could think to do was scream. But that was off the table considering I didn’t think the guys wanted to hear me do that again.

le boyz gc: I hate all of you

Eventually Sehun broke the silence which was different seeing as how besides Kyungsoo, he was the quietest out of all the guys.

“How long have you liked me?”

I almost choked because of his boldness. I mean leave it to Sehun to get straight to the point. “What do you mean?” I laughed nervously. “I’ve never liked you.” I’ve liked you since middle school.

“Don’t lie to me.” He said casually, moving from leaning against the bedroom door to sitting on Baekhyun’s bed. “Jongdae told me you’ve had a crush on me for a while now.” I mentally cursed Jongdae. Remind me not to tell any of the guys if I ever develop a crush on literally ANYONE EVER AGAIN!

.“For the record, I’ve liked you since that first time we all hung out at Chanyeol’s place.” I tried thinking back to the first time we ever went to Chan’s house. It was quite hard to manage seeing as how we’re always either at his or Baekhyun’s house. “What’s so special about us hanging out that one time?” I asked, trying to avert from the subject of me liking him. “I don’t know really.” He started. He stopped looking at me, and focused all his attention on his twiddling thumbs. “Just something about you struck out to me. It made me what to get to know you better.” “Are you glad you did?” I asked in a small voice. Sehun nodded vigorously. “It was the best decision I ever made to be honest.”

I could feel a warmth course through my body at his words. Now I have to tell him. I took a deep breath and finally spilled the truth. “I’ve had a crush on you since before high school. And ever since then just the thought of you makes me happy beyond belief.” I puffed, still not wanting to admit my true feelings for him. I looked over at Sehun. His entire face was lit up in result of what I’d told him. But he went from beaming to smirking in two seconds flat. He sat up off the bed, and stood about a foot away from me. “See how easy that was.” I punched his arm, causing him to start laughing. “Leave me alone.” After those words, he pulled me into a tight hug. I buried my head in his chest. I was able to get a whiff of his cologne, it was strong but not too overbearing. It was pleasant, but at the same time it was a savory scent. I didn’t want him to let go anytime soon, however we jumped away from each other as we heard Baekhyun yell “THEY BETTER NOT BE HAVING SEX IN MY ROOM, ON MY BED!!” and the door swing open.

The guys piled into the doorway. “Ew, look at the lovebirds.” Minseok teased from the front of the huddle. His words caused both Sehun and I to turn bright red from embarrassment. “I bet they were making out.” Chanyeol butted in, sticking his head farther into the room. “Shut up Chan!” I said, covering up my face as it got even brighter.

“Come on guys, pizza’s getting cold and we’re about to put on a movie.” Junmyeon said. I gave him an understanding nod. I went to speak, but before I could Jongin interrupted me. “Oh Y/n’s not hungry. She practically ate like three pizzas before you guys got here. Sehun had her super stressed out.” Everyone broke out into laughter, causing all my embarrassment levels to skyrocket. I buried my face in my hands, so no one would see just how red my face was getting. “It was more like one, let me live.” I pouted. Sehun wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me closer to him. “It’s okay babe.” He whispered in my ear. I ended up smiling like an idiot at his words. The guy I like just called me babe. What a world!

“Stop being gross, you’ve been together for like five seconds.” Baekhyun said, wearing an over exaggerated look of disgust. I couldn’t help but shake my head at him. We hadn’t talked about us actually dating yet. “Hey you guys, we should choose tonight’s movies carefully. The two love birds might get a little risky throughout them.” Kyungsoo said from the middle of the crowd of guys. This time Sehun and I joined in on the guy’s laughter. One by one, everyone eventually turned around and left the bedroom. Sehun and I exited the room, his arm still draped around my shoulder. Before we got into the living room, he placed a kiss on my forehead. Maybe we weren’t together just yet, but I could definitely get used to this.


Writer’s Block 6.1

Originally posted by lovershub

Happy Monday, Everyone! Here is a quick update for you. Longer than normal. I hope to have the next bit out by the weekend. Obviously the stress in my life is driving me back to writing. And less sleep! If you want to read the first 5 chapters, find them here

After making a few edits and many suggestions to Johanna’s nonfiction piece, I’m starting to rethink our deal. I’ve fulfilled my part, but do I really need hers? Peeta already knows I have no experience by my own admissions, so what will he think when I show up ‘looking like a pro’, as Johanna put it? He’s expecting virginal, not promiscuous. Maybe this is a terrible idea.

An abrupt knock on the door interrupts my concentration. My heart speeds up until I look at the clock. It’s too early to be Johanna. It must be Peeta, though he hasn’t made an attempt to contact me since he dropped me off last night. Not that it’s easy. We can really only communicate through google docs and I’ve been on for the last 3 hours, wondering why Johanna’s piece about the mating habits of moths sounds like it needs moth smut.

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Baby Fever

Marty Scurll x Reader

tag: @hushothermuses

I sat cuddled closely against my boyfriend Marty, munching on some pizza. We were catching up with our favourite series on Netflix. I reached for my drink when Marty decided to disturb the comfortable silence.

“What do you think about having a baby?” he nonchalantly asked. The soda I was just going to drink was spit across the entire couch. I struggled to get air, coughing my lungs out.

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Pairing: Halfdan x Reader
Summary: In which Reader is infatuated with Halfdan and can’t control herself. 

Warnings: OMG NSFW, swearing, murder mention, rough sex
Length: Do ya’ll even know me @ all? LONG!!
Tagging: @squirrelacorngliterfarts @captainpoopweinersoldier @underthenorthstar @mizzvengenz6661 @whenimaunicorn @lordavanti @ivartheboneme @pagan-raider @synnersaint @rockyrascal @arkrimwitchout @heathen-army @cherrytrinkets @littlewolfieposts @lumpyqueen97 @wastelandsheep @ubberagnarssons @shondlenoodle @sylvia-wolfe-postlimit-blog @bluearchersstuff @ryderwinchester @ivars-pet @ceridwenofwales @fandomers @holy-minseok @ivarsvalkyrie @lyra-stark99 @blonde-valkyrie @alienskind @lollyfuckindagger @anniemar @brightlycoloredteacups @raekenimages @agonybcrn @vile-villain6661 @loveabove @itharley @mrsmargera 

I couldn’t keep my eyes off them. Almost the whole time we’d been on this boat, one of the many in our fleet, my eyes seemed to drift over on their own. Studying the two lovers as they bobbed against the waves. I watched as Ellisif, oh you poor woman, tucked under her new husbands arm, keeping her warm under his cloak and out of the billowing cold. I could see him kiss the top of her head as we crashed through the water.

Our King would not like what he saw, that was certain. I had run over a of different scenarios and outcomes of how this would play out. With either one of them dead, Gods, maybe he’d kill me too!

King Harald was the one who had left me in charge of our men, getting them ready and prepared to join The Great Heathen Army. I had let this happen on my watch and that alone led me to believe King Harald might actually kill me..

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What a Horrible Fake Boyfriend

I wrote this one shot based on this post and idea of @chapter-61

(I just really loved this idea, so I hope you don’t mind it because you said you wanted it to be written)

’“Baz,” Simon said.

“What?” Baz snapped, already annoyed from being distracted from the book he was reading. It was a book about ancient spells that he needed for school. In this moment, there was literally nothing he’d rather done than reading it. Certainly not talking to his room mate. Especially not talking to his beautiful room mate. Also not when he was wearing a very cute sweater. Like, at all.

“I need you to be my boyfriend.”

“WHAT?” Baz repeated and he’d spit out his drink if he’d had one. Simon Snow didn’t just say that, did he? Was Baz going mad?

“Oh come on, Baz, you know I don’t mean it like that!”
“Like what?”
His language skills weren’t on the best level today. I know you don’t mean it like that, Snow, because I’d never be that lucky and because I am miserable. But how do you mean it?

“I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Ah, that cleared things up. Except…

Okay, Baz was freaking out a tiny bit.

“Well, Agatha is not interested…”

…and then you thought you’d put on with the next best option? Not that I’m the next best option. Not that I’m an option at all.

“…but I’m not sure whether she’s wrong and just doesn’t notices it. So I thought about making her jealous. So she would realize she wants to be together with me. You know, because I care about her? And I thought about how I could piss her off most, like, to get her attention.”
Yeah, Snow, because you care about her so much, right?

“And considering you flirted with her all the time, it’s best that I have a fake relationship with you. What do you say?”
With that, Simon smiled at him, like he actually expected an answer. Like he actually expected Baz to be capable of a single movement or another action other than staring at Simon open mouthed. For the first time in his life, Baz was at a loss of words and so he said the only thing that came to his mind.


Simon frowned. “You know, that’s actually not the reaction I’d hoped for.”

Baz kept staring at him for a few more seconds before coming back to his senses.

“And what am I getting out of it?”

He said it like he actually considered saying no. But he knew he couldn’t do it. He knew it wasn’t fair on Simon, saying yes despite his feelings for Simon, but he was a villain after all, so what did it matter? Being Simon’s boyfriend, even though it was just pretending, that was more than Baz had ever hoped for. It was more than staring at Simon creepily in his sleep.

“Oh… I actually didn’t think that far ahead. What do you want?”

I want you to love me.

“How about you owe me a favor, like, a big one?”
“Wait, do you mean you’d really do it?”
“I don’t care what people think about me.”

And them thinking a person like Simon Snow is my boyfriend, that can’t be so bad.


Simon was beaming at him. Baz almost couldn’t look at him. It hurt to much too think that it made Simon so lucky, not because he cared about him, but because he cared about Agatha.

Suddenly Baz got a feeling he’d regret his decision. But it was too late to back off now.

Crowley, Baz thought. What have I gotten myself into?

Baz regretted his decision. How was he supposed to do boyfriend-things with Simon without him noticing that Baz was completely in love with him? Or that Baz had no experience in that matter?

Shit, shit, shit.

When was this pretending thing going to start? Maybe Simon would realize that it was a horrendous idea. Maybe he’d be grossed out as soon as he realized he’d actually have to kiss Baz (and Baz was sure that Simon didn’t realize that, because he was an imbecile).

When Simon, holding Baz hand, announced that they were a couple, it was like the whole school was turned upside down. Penny thought about the two of them together for a bit (weirdly, it did make sense) before Simon told him about his plan.

“This is the worst idea you have ever had, Simon!”

“It’s not so bad.”

“Yes it is. You and Agatha just don’t fit together.”
She didn’t bother telling him that he and Baz did fit together. Watching them hand in hand – it was just like pieces falling into places.

Baz felt like he was dreaming or flying on a cloud. It was a bittersweet pain, knowing that it didn’t mean anything to Simon and everything to him. It was just skin on skin. Why did it make Baz feel dizzy and wonderful?

He felt like he was capable of doing the spell On love’s light wings which he’d never pull off because it was so tricky. And that was all wrong. Baz wasn’t supposed to be happy. His life (if you could call it that) was destined to be a misery. He didn’t even deserve to feel happy. Most of all, he had no reason to be happy because Simon didn’t mean any of it.

But he felt happy nonetheless.

Simon strangely enjoyed holding Baz’ hand. He didn’t like it, of course. He liked that it helped him get Agatha, for sure. Agatha had taken the news with weird rationality. Wasn’t she supposed to be upset? So Simon decided to kiss Baz. He had to convince everybody that they were boyfriends (especially Agatha). And Baz did have really nice lips. Like, they looked nice. Not like he wanted to kiss them. Not like he wanted to know whether they felt as smooth as they looked. Not like he’d do a lot to find out.

Should Baz kiss Simon? He wasn’t sure. He wanted so badly, and now he was given the chance. Why was he still insecure? Simon couldn’t confront him afterwards. It was all just for the play. Why didn’t he just go for it?

So he turned towards Simon, fully intending to kiss him now, when suddenly he felt lips on his. Simon was kissing him.

Oh god I have not thought this through Simon is kissing me oh god oh god will he notice? No it’s just a kiss, people kiss all the time, Crowley this is good, please don’t stop, haha I’m just a good actor, Simon, I don’t enjoy this at all, oh this is so good Simon Simon Simon Your hair is so nice can I touch it oh it is a smooth as it looked

This is Baz I’m kissing This is a boy I’m kissing How crazy Why is it so good? Good it’s not good haha why would I like kissing Baz? Because he smells so good and he tastes so good, woah this is all wrong but I’m never gonna stop kissing him now, I like this so much better than fighting. Baz oh this is perfect you are perfect no hell Agatha is watching.

Simon broke the kiss and they were both breathing heavily. Nobody was doubting that they were a couple anymore.

This was going on for a whole week now and Baz was scared that it might end soon but he also believed he couldn’t endure this any longer. All the kisses and touches were driving him crazy. If he didn’t hold on to reality he could almost make himself believe that Simon was in love with him and they were happy boyfriends.

They were standing in the hallway making out. It was of course only because Agatha was here and surely Simon did it because he hated it and wanted Agatha to end it, but Baz couldn’t think about that. All he thought about was Simon’s touch.

Okay, Agatha thought. Enough is enough.

She walked up to them and tapped Simon on his shoulder. Simon flinched.


What is Agatha doing here? What does she want? Can’t she see that I’m occupied?

Then Simon realized that it was Agatha and he was doing it because of her.

Silly me.

She was probably going to tell him that she still didn’t want this.

But then I have no excuse to make out with Baz anymore – where the hell did that thought come from?

“Okay, Simon. I see you have been trying really hard.”

Of course she had seen through Simon’s actions from the first minute.

“So, do you want to go on a date?”

Simon looked at her. Baz looked at him.

No, he thought with a lump in his throat. This is it. No more happy feelings for me. He’s got what he wanted. How great.

Then he looked on the floor and turned to leave. That’s when Simon grabbed his arm and said to everyone’s surprise (including himself): “Sorry, Agatha, but I’m already taken.”

And then he kissed Baz. This time he knew that he wasn’t faking it. He did want to kiss him. All the time. Not Agtha. Baz.

They were in their room. Everything was awkward.

“I’m sorry,” Simon whispered. He felt so bad about himself, he never should have done that.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Baz replied, feeling horrible. It was over.

“You realized that you are not in love with her anymore and needed an excuse to shove her off. That’s okay.”

“You think that?”
“Yeah, why else would you have said that?”
“I’m… I’m sorry. I guess… I kind of have been using you this whole time.”
“What do you mean?”

“I think… I never wanted to you to be my fake boyfriend for Agatha. I don’t think I wanted you to be fake.

“I know, you didn’t sign up for this and everything. Thanks for helping me, though.”

He turned away.

“I thought… I didn’t know…”

Crowley, what was Simon doing to him?

“I did mean it.”

“Everything. All of it.”

Simon smiled.

“Me too.”

“Does that mean we are really boyfriends now?”
“If you want to.”
“More than anything.”
They kissed another time.

This time, they meant it.

helloskitty  asked:

We've seen headcanons about pooping, but what about how the RFA boys react when MC farts in front of them for the first time?




◉ Yoosung

  • You were sitting in bed together
  • When you couldn’t hold it anymore
  • You farted
  • omg how embarrassing
  • Yoosung swayed side-to-side for a minute
    • “Hmm? This bed is getting creaky. I think we’ve “rocked it” a little too hard, MC. Maybe we need to get a new frame?”
  • O thank god
  • He was too cute and clueless to even consider you farting as a possibility
    • “Whew, I stink. Why didn’t you say anything, MC?” he got up. “Wanna join me in the shower, make sure I get nice and clean?”
          • Bonus: He knew the whole time. He’s just too freaking sweet to ever let you be embarrassed about something like that so he played dumb.

◉ Jumin

  • You were just finishing dinner and getting up from the table
  • Something inside you shuffled wrong and as you stood from your chair
  • and
  • It happened
  • He did the slanty-head closed-eye thing
    • “MC, is your stomach bothering you? Are you gassy? I’m going to speak with the chef and nutritionist about this right away. I’m very upset that the meal plan they’ve set for you is causing you discomfort. Please excuse me, my love.”
  • Now the staff was about to get bitched out because you farted

◉ Zen

  • You guys were sitting on the couch just hanging out and drinking
  • You were pretty drunk
  • And it just happened without warning
  • Zen spit out a mouthful of beer
    •  “Did you really just…”
  • He bursts out laughing
  • You both are just batting at each other and you’re screaming for him to stop and he’s just giggling
    • Zen I swear to God, if you ever tell anyone about this I’m going to cut off your ponytail while you sleep!”

◉ Jaehee

  • You guys were hanging out over coffee
  • Everything was going fine
  • Until
  • You sneezed and it forced a loud fart out of you
  • She just…
  • Stared at you
  • And you stared at her
  • And you were locking eyes and not saying anything
  • She cleared her throat.
    • “Excuse me, MC. I suddenly remembered some work I have to get done.”
  • And she left

◉ Saeyoung

  • You guys were tickling each other in bed
  • And you were begging for him to stop but he just wouldn’t let up
  • And without warning it came bursting out of you
  • He jumped a little
    • “Woah! Was that an earthquake just now? Did one of my baby cars slip into the sheets? No…that was even louder than my baby cars!”
  • You punched him in the ribs and he rolled off the bed
    • “Ow! Fine then,” he rolled around on the floor, “I’ll just roll to the window and open it.”
    • “I really hate you.”

◉ V

  • You guys were snuggling on the couch together
  • But your tummy was really upset
  • One wrong shuffle in your seat
  • And it happened
  • You wanted to die omg
  • V’s face got a little red
  • Your face was red
  • It was quiet for a moment but he chuckled
    • “It’s okay, MC. It happens to the best of us.”
  • He kissed the top of your head and pulled you in closer

◉ Saeran

  • You were straddling him on the bed, giving him a back rub
    • “Harder, MC.”
  • O god
  • You pushed a little too hard
  • And farted on his back
  • You rolled off of him and covered your face in your hands for a moment
  • He didn’t say anything
  • He didn’t even make eye contact with you
  • He just got up from the bed and left the room
  • Then left the apartment
  • He needed to go for a walk after that

Ratatouille sentence starters

124 starters
feel free to change gender pronouns
‘read-more’ added for length
content warning: alcohol mention

  • “The best food in the world is made in France. The best food in France is made in Paris.”
  • “I, on the other hand, take cooking seriously. And no, I don’t think anyone can do it.”
  • “I think it’s apparent I need to rethink my life a little bit.”
  • “Woah, woah, woah, don’t eat that!”
  • “Now, don’t you feel better, _____? You’ve helped a noble cause.”
  • “It isn’t stealing if no one wants it.”
  • “If no one wants it, why are we stealing it?”
  • “Let’s just say we have different points-of-view.”
  • “If you are what you eat, then I only wanna eat the good stuff.”
  • “Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die.”
  • “Look, if we’re going to be thieves, why not steal the good stuff in the kitchen, where nothing is poisoned?”
  • “Good food is like music you can taste, color you can smell.”
  • “There is excellence all around you. You need only be aware to stop and savor it.”
  • “Each flavor was totally unique. But combine one flavor with another, and something new was created.”
  • “Come on, you’re good at hiding food. Help me find a good place to put this.”
  • “He doesn’t understand me, but I can be myself around him.”
  • “Why are you walking like that?”
  • “_____, there are possibilities unexplored here. We gotta cook this!”
  • “The key is to keep turning it. Get the smoky flavor nice and even.”
  • “Oh! You gotta taste this!”
  • “You’ve been here a million times?”
  • “You could fill a book, a lot of books, with things _____ doesn’t know. And they have.”
  • “I don’t like secrets.”
  • “It’s like you’re involving me in crime, and I let you. Why do I let you?”
  • “Great cooking is not for the faint of heart. You must be imaginative, strong-hearted.”
  • “And you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from.”
  • “Your only limit is your soul.”
  • “If you focus on what you’ve left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead.”
  • “A cook makes. A thief takes. You are not a thief.”
  • “Food always come to those who like to cook.”

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Party Games


How to fall for your enemy—A Dummies Guide

[1. Set the game] [2. Play like you mean it] [3. Keep playing and don’t ask] [4. Poker Face] [5. Play dirty] [6. Show him what you’ve got] [7. Don’t fall in the trap] [8. Cards on the table] [9. Play the game of love]

Summary:  Playing games is an innocent and harmless thing to do. Except when you get so caught up in the game that don’t know if you are playing or not anymore, and then… Well. Then you burn.

Chapter word count: ~1.3k

Rating: M

Tags: Watford, eighth year AU, alcohol, enemies to lovers, enemies with benefits, NSFW, smut, mutual pining, fluff, alternating POV first person

Also on AO3

1. Set the game (Never have I ever)


“Of all the stupid ideas you idiots have ever had, this is by far the stupidest one. And that’s to put it nicely.” I don’t know why I agreed to this. We are sitting, forming a circle, in the middle of an empty classroom. Snow is seated directly across from me. Great, now I have full sight of him.

“You’re free to go if you want to,” he says.

“We were here before you arrived,” I protest. “I’m not moving.”

“Come on Baz, let’s play,” Dev pleads. “It will be fun!” he says. Fucking traitor.

“Okay, so which game should we play?” the pixie asks.

“Never have I ever,” Wellbelove says, nonchalantly, as if she’s done this sort of thing many times.

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