but i have never tasted them in my life

Sam Cortland watching over Celaena and seeing her visit his grave. insp / some direct quotes from Queen of Shadows 

Seeing her dressed in that tunic of spring grass he knows, knows what it means for them, who were clothed far too often in black, in death, to dress in a color so full of life. So full of life, she is now, and his heart aches with the happiness of that realization. She burns with it.  

He watches her place the stones, three of them, and they sparkle in the sunlight against the grass. 

She whispers then, “Hello, Sam.”

He wants to reach out from the Afterworld and grasp her and never let go. 

“I miss you. Every day, I miss you. And I wonder what you would have made of all this. Made of me.”

His lips form the prayer that she is wondrous, he loves her. 

“I think-I think you would have been a wonderful king. I think they would have liked you more than me.”

His tears fall down his cheeks that she used to cup in her hands. They dance down across his lips that miss hers against them. He tastes salt, but he still smells lavender soap. 

“I never told you-how I felt. But I loved you, and I think a part of me might always love you.”

I love you, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, it’s the ultimate truth to him in this moment.  

“Maybe you were my mate, and I never knew it. Maybe I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering about that. Maybe I’ll see you again in the Afterworld, and then I’ll know for sure. But until then … until then I’ll miss you, and I’ll wish you were here.” 

I’m waiting, I’m here. His words are lost to her, he knows. He misses her too, but he does not wish her here. Watching her rattle the stars and find herself, he never knew the depth of her strength or the amount of fire in her heart.

He watches the warrior approach behind her, and his heart’s ache lessens because she isn’t alone anymore.  

Gintama - Mythology Symbolism

So I saw this comment on a video and It’s an interesting observation.

Mythology references and symbolism is one of my favorite things, so naturally I wanted to learn a bit more.

So this is The Moon Rabbit & The Three Legged Crow/ also known as The Sun Crow.

Lets start with the Sun Crow.

Keep reading

PLEASE READ THIS

Do not ever, ever, ever, let anyone tell you that what you love is stupid. Your passions are beautiful, you are talented and that should never be restrained in order to please another person. Write and read your fan-fiction, draw your fan art, make your music, write your blogs, take your photographs. Whatever you love, do it. If someone cannot support you or makes comments to make you question yourself because they do not like the same things you do, please reevaluate why that person is in your life.

For the past several months I was in a relationship where I was made to feel that my writing was a waste of time and that it was a juvenile thing to spend time doing. My love for the “nerdier” things was constantly called into question and I felt that I had to stop doing much of what I loved to make my significant other happy. Even my love for something as simple and harmless as a four-leaf clover or my taste in music were criticized constantly. I felt attacked almost daily because someone believed different things than me and as a result I slowly fell into a dark place. I am not a person to easily change for someone else. I am not one to give in, and yet somehow I fell into that trap. Never compromise.

Do what you love and it will carry you far. If someone cuts you down for doing so, please remember that they only have the relevance you give them in your life. As for myself, I have now removed myself from that situation and want to raise awareness among others who may fall prey to this twisting of the mind. You are precious, beautiful, valuable, and talented. You were made to do whatever it is you feel called to do. Never, ever let anyone take that away from you.

I’m not one to ask for things to be shared, but if you read this please spread the word. Someone else out there may be going through what I went through in some way, and I want to make sure everyone remembers that they need only please themselves and their creator. It is not your responsibility to make others happy when it makes you miserable.

2

andrew minyard: monster
∟ (youtube) || (download)

i. we are monsters // ii. you’re too mean, i don’t like you, fuck you anyway // iii. living on anaesthetic no one seems to get it, it’s too much to take and now you’re numb to the sensation // iv. all of this mess is just my attempt to know the worth of my life // v. we never lost control // vi. i want to feel the pain and the bitter taste of the blood on my lips, again // vii. don’t you ever tame your demons but always keep them on a leash // viii. god damn right, you should be scared of me, who is in control? // ix. i think i found out that i have nothing that i have nothing in this place for me // x. tell you a secret, i’m not alarmed, so what if i’m crazy? the best people are

please like or reblog the post and use them as you please:

  • for the sake of fighting
  • YOU SHOULD NEVER TRUST THE PANTALOON
  • permanently occupied with your past
  • rolling with momentum
  • life is lonely and so am i
  • raise boys and girls the same way
  • art will survive, artists won’t
  • will nature make a man off me yet?
  • there will be a note
  • our respect ran so dry
  • life has a hopeful undertone
  • our brains are sick but that’s okay
  • i want to do all the things your lungs do so well
  • i’m dying to live
  • make art, not friends
  • thanks for the tragedy, i needed it for my art
  • i’m literally emo but let’s call it pop punk
  • raised to be stupid but taught to be nothing at all
  • we will find a destination that may only be seen with a naked mind
  • i sing of a greater love, let me know when you’ve had enough
  • life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself
  • i am not afraid to walk this world alone
  • DEFEND POP PUNK
  • try going to war
  • a microscopic miracle
  • a mortal playing god
  • put on some war paint
  • joy bloody division that’s who
  • if it looks like i’m laughing, i’m really just asking to leave
  • i’m not like them i can’t pretend
  • i’m just the way the doctor made me
  • i can’t stand my own mind
  • a poet is a blind optimist
  • i accept lostness forever
  • when did you look at your skin and decided you were an impotent dirty old locomotive?
  • well, my gun fires seven shades of shit
  • i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness
  • i don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision
  • she tasted like imported sophistication and domestic cigarettes
  • love is a haunting melody that i have never mastered and fear i never will
  • great writers are indecent people, they live unfairly saving the best part for paper
  • well you can hide a lot about yourself, but honey what are you gonna do?
  • i was killing before killing was cool
  • another cog in a murder machine
  • we are all a bunch of animals that never paid attention in school
  • it was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing
  • these bright lights have always blinded me
  • ask no questions and you’ll get no lies
  • you’re always haunted by the idea that you’re wasting your life
  • i exist too much
  • but i come to love you, am i born to bleed?
  • i must admit i can’t explain any of these thoughts racing through my brain
  • who says we have cold hearts?
  • the most heroic word in all languages is revolution
  • born from some mother’s womb (just like any other room)
  • reach the dumb to fool the crowd
  • self induced manipulation
  • tv taught me how to feel now real life has no appeal
  • if all we are is just machines let’s become a miracle and break free from these chains
  • those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it
  • what would you rather be? the poet or the poem?
  • we are drowning in information but starved for knowledge
  • he made me understand why hurricanes are named after people
  • when you look death in the eye and death blinks first nothing seems impossible
  • he pretend he’s okay but you should see him late at night 
  • nothing kills a man faster than his own head
The Great Perhaps // j.j.

A/N: kinda an au (basically only the fact that jug’s dad isn’t head of the serpents) and also inspired by Looking For Alaska (which is my fav book so I loved writing this)

The two teenagers sit on the roof of the projection booth, Y/N flicking her cigarette ashes onto the ground below.

“Why do you like those so much?” Jughead asks, watching as she lets out a white puff of smoke. “Don’t they taste gross?”

“You get used to it after a while,” she replies, shrugging, “dunno it just…releases stress, as cliche as that sounds.”

“Where do you get them from anyway?” He questions, watching as she takes another drag. “None of us will be eighteen for another few months.”

“My dad’s guys, got a coupla them who either lend me some of theirs or buy me my own,” she answers, blowing out more smoke, “why all the questions Jug?”

“Just curious,” he shrugs, “you always seem to have them and there’s only one store around town that sells them and I know the owners know us, and they know that we aren’t old enough.”

“You trying to get me caught Jughead?” She teases, smirking slightly. “Cause if you are let me know, I’ll do my best not to run like I was taught.”

“What’s it like?” He asks, looking up at the night sky. “Your dad being the leader of Southside and everything?”

“It’s…” she trails off, taking a long drag and blowing it out into the dark sky, “indescribable.”

“C'mon Y/N,” he rolls his eyes.

“Okay okay,” she sighs, flicking more ash over the side, “it really is hard to explain it’s…it’s unstable as hell Juggie. A lot of old men in and out of my house and my dad coming in at all hours. My mom left a few years ago and um…just been me and my dad ever since.”

“And the cigs help with that?” He asks.

“If you’ve got such a problem with the smokes you don’t have to be here Jug,” she sighs, “everyone else has already left me, it wouldn’t be a surprise,” she places the cigarette between her lips, leaning back on her hands on the roof.

“You talking about Jason?” Jughead asks quietly, watching as the girl nods. “Don’t give him a second thought, he can’t handle his own shit, much less anyone else’s.”

“He’s dead Jug,” Y/N retorts, the cigarette now residing between her fingers.

Jughead sucks on the inside of his teeth, trying to choose his next words carefully. He knew that before the summer Jason was killed the red haired boy and Y/N were completely smitten with each other, the two of them being the talk of the town for months. That is, until the so-called golden boy found out about Y/N’s life outside of school, breaking things off with the girl and spreading rumors around the entire town. The poor girl has been heartbroken ever since, so it’s no surprise that people leaving is in the forefront of her mind.

“Yeah, yeah he’s dead,” Jughead nods, swallowing a bit, “and that sucks, and I’m sorry that everything that happened to you happened, but that doesn’t mean everyone around you is going to leave.”

Y/N looks at him, finishing off her smoke and nodding.

“You’re a good guy Jones,” she says, “every once in a while there’s someone genuine born into the world and in this case that someone is you. I’m glad I met you.”

“Thanks Y/N,” Jughead smiles, “I’m glad I met you too, and I’m not going to leave you, not like anyone else. I swear to god.”

She smiles, laying her head down on his lap, looking up at him.

“I’m gonna hold you to that Juggie,” she says in a whisper, “because I have a lot of people in my life that have left, I don’t want you to be one of them.”

“I won’t be, I promise,” he replies, swallowing back his nerves, “can I kiss you?”

She smiles, like she’s been expecting that question her entire life. Never mind the fact that the two had only known each other for a few months.

“I might taste like ash,” she says, “I did just finish my third smoke of the day.”

“I don’t care,” Jughead whispers, leaning his head down and pressing his lips to hers.

She’s right, she tastes like cigarettes. She tastes like cigarettes and winter mint chewing gum and honey and some how it all works. Jughead strokes her cheek rhythmically, their noses rubbing against each other because of the awkward angle but neither of them could care less.

“Hmm, that was nice,” she says, a smile on her face still, “more of that later, yeah?”

“Much more of that later,” Jughead replies, nodding, “much more.”

“Don’t sound too excited Jones,” she laughs lightly, taking one of his hands in hers and kissing it softly, “eagerness doesn’t look good on anyone.”

“I think anything would look good on you,” he says confidently, smirking a bit, “or nothing.”

“Oh my god!” She laughs properly this time, making Jughead’s smirk turn into a smile. “Not bad Juggie, not bad at all.”

“So what do we tell people?” He asks, leaning back on his hands as the two of them stare up at the stars. “Is this like…is this a thing or something? Because I don’t want to assume that it is but I also would really like it to be.”

“This can be whatever you want it to be,” Y/N replies, “I’ve never had a serious boyfriend before though, can’t guarantee I’ll be any good at it.”

“Jason wasn’t…you and him we-”

“What we had…we were kids,” she shrugs, “we were fifteen and we just let our hormones take over, it wasn’t anything serious. Especially after what he did to me.”

“What all went down with that?” He asks gently. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but everything was super hush hush after it happened so I haven’t ever heard the whole story.”

“He found out,” she replies simply, “found out about my dad and about what he’s done…about what I’ve done…he decided that I ruined his image, maple syrup boy couldn’t be bothered with the daughter of a Serpent, of the Serpent no less, not after everyone knew who I was.”

“That’s a stupid reason to leave you,” Jughead replies, “no it’s more than that…it’s cowardly. It’s awful and I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

“It’s okay Juggie,” she says quietly, placing her hand on his cheek, “in some sort of weird way it lead me to you, and for that I am forever grateful.”

Jughead hums happily at her words, swinging his feet as they dangle off of the roof.

“You said um…” he licks his lips a bit, “you said he left because he found out what you did. Can I ask exactly what that entails?”

Y/N looks back at the stars, biting down on her lip. She’s silent for a few moments, Jughead too nervous to even look down at her.

“I need another smoke,” she finally whispers, sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge.

“Look Y/N I didn’t mean t-”

“No, no, it’s fine Jug,” she shakes her head, pulling her lighter out of her pocket and the package of cigarettes out of her bag, “I’ll tell you I just…I need a little courage first,” she jokes, holding the smoke between her lips as she cups the lighter behind it.

Jughead watches as she flicks the flame on, holding it to the end of the cigarette and breathing deeply as it lights.

“I really need to do better at weaning myself off of these,” she whispers, shaking her head and placing it back between her lips.

She blows the smoke out into the dark, watching it disappear as Jughead looks at her.

“I was…I was thirteen no…no I was fourteen,” she says quietly, “it was about a year after my mom left I finally convinced my dad to let me tag along on a job, it went south…” she takes another drag, Jughead staying silent as she does, “my dad gave me a gun and um…some guy from the other side came rushing up on me and a bunch of other guys and I didn’t…I didn’t shoot him. I didn’t shoot him and because I didn’t shoot him he was able to shoot three of my dads guys before someone else got to him.”

Jughead’s eyes widen, his arm automatically going around her shoulders.

“It’s my fault, three guys are dead because of me,” she says, breathing in sharply, “anyway…when Jason found out…I guess the more accurate description of detail is when I told him, he flipped. Said I was the reason these guys were dead and that I was the reason the Serpents were taking over town,” she shakes her head again, breathing in more smoke, “and he left…he left right after that. Those were the last words he ever said to me. Besides the rumors and stuff, ya know.”

“God Y/N that’s…that’s terrible,” he says, shaking his head, “I am so so sorry.”

“I think the worst part is that we were fifteen when I told him,” she says, “I mean…it happened barely a year before and I thought…he was the first person I thought I could finally trust with it and obviously I was wrong.”

Jughead pulls her closer into his side, silently cursing himself for even asking.

“Sorry I usually…” she shakes her head, wiping her face with her sleeve, “I don’t usually get so emotional about this but…thinking about the whole Jason thing on top of it…I dunno, I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize,” he says, shaking his head, “you don’t ever have to apologize for how you feel Y/N, at least not with me.”

She smiles, taking another drag and blowing it into the darkness, snuffing out the flame after she’s done on the roof and tossing the butt down onto the ground.

“I believe that’s called littering Miss. Y/L/N,” he teases, causing her to laugh a bit.

“Whatcha gonna do?” She asks, smirking. “Gonna call Sheriff Keller on me?”

“I might just do that,” Jughead says, leaning a bit closer, “gotta keep the delinquents in check somehow.”

“Hmm,” she smiles again, looking down at his lips for a second, “I’m sure there are other ways to keep me in line Jones.”

“Yeah I…I guess I could figure something out,” he whispers.

Jughead presses his lips to hers, properly kissing her as she cups his cheek. He pushes some hair behind her ear, smiling slightly as they pull away.

“I think that was a good way of keeping me in line,” she whispers, biting down on her lip, “very efficient.”

“I think I’m starting to get used to the cigarette taste,” Jughead replies, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh no,” she shakes her head, “I’m already trying to quit, I’m not about to get you addicted too.”

“You’re different, you know,” he says, half smile on his face, “compared to anyone else in this stupid town. I like that. I like you.”

“I try to be,” she says, smiling properly, “and I like you too.”

Jughead smiles again, putting his arm around her as she leans her head on his shoulder.

“I wish you went to Southside,” she whispers, “actually, no I don’t. That place is hell.”

“I wish you went to Riverdale,” he replies, stifling a laugh, “it’s no paradise but it’s probably better than Southside.”

“Yeah, as if my dad would ever move us across the tracks,” she scoffs, shaking her head, “too far from his boys.”

“Yeah I know,” Jughead says, “probably better though, Riverdale sucks.”

“We’ve got more time together too, before you get sick of me,” she says, causing Jughead to sigh.

“I wish you’d stop doing that,” he says quietly, “stop referring to yourself like you’re something disposable.”

“Yeah, sorry it’s just…” she shrugs, “habit I guess.”

“Well I’m going to break it,” he says, “because you’re not disposable, not to me.”

“I’m glad you’re not from my side of town Jug,” she says quietly, “they don’t turn out boys like you over there.”

“If you ever need a place to stay,” he says, “somewhere to get away from all the drama you got going on…you’re always welcome. Always, I mean it.”

“Thanks Juggie, I appreciate that,” she says, “you know, you make it easier to not smoke.”

He smiles, kissing the top of her head.

“Glad I could be of service.”

“Stay with me, please.”

“Forever.”

Dare To Dream

“Dare To Dream”

Dare to dream of ships and kings
Of rings of gold and pleasant things
Of skies of blue for miles long
Of finding new ways to be strong

Dare to dream of fighting sharks
On a new life which you embark
By boat or plane or haunted train
Hurry now; it leaves today

Dare to dream of huge success
Of values and money to invest
And if to you now I may confess
I have dreamed of you to ease my stress

Dare to dream of happy times
Of worlds existing without crime
Of fountains of candy spewing drops
Of exotic tastes; it never stops

Dare to dream of great adventure
That you one day will find your treasure
Hidden beneath depths unexplored
Before deciding to unlock that door

Dare to dream of future goals
Of you and me for truth betold
I have dreamed of us behind the notes
Of the perfect melody I composed

I still have dreams not yet shattered
By life or weight of any matter
I keep them in a place that’s safe
From guns or knives or losing faith

All of us; we always dream
Of randomness or suttle themes
Of winning big or love achieved
Of crazy heights or shapes decieved
We always dream; but don’t remember
To write them down from last November
To ponder them as maybe fact
To think of them as abstract

But with all these dreams it seems to me
There’s more to life than I believe
There’s more to us than meets the eye
There’s more to do so don’t be shy
Express yourself through vivid dreams
There’s more to life than you can see
So don’t be afraid to believe
In what you one day will achieve

I am an all or nothing type of individual. I will love you with every part of me or not at all. I put my all into everything I do, I hate that half assed shit, I was never a fan of being teased with something and never being able to have it all. And I think it has something to do with the way my entire life has felt like a tease. I swear it feels like my life is synonymous with drowning in the ocean. I have never been a strong swimmer and wave after wave of that tumultuous yet beautiful blue green water holds me under and for a moment I’ll get a breathe of air. But it’s never for long and suddenly my lungs have to once again get used to the pain of water filling them instead of air. So maybe that’s why when I finally get the taste of good I’d rather just have all the bad because it becomes a series of motions that I can become numb to rather than the pain I feel when everything good disappears. It’s like the day I had you and you left.
Trail Mix

the series read as follows:

SupermanMondayCheezy PouffsBacon … Stumbling

___________________

Thirteen days later, after another quick stop in Barstow, California for some stupid ass background check on some asshole who ended up needing arresting for his massive stash of illegal guns and even more illegal immigrants, they were in the air over Colorado, relaxing with four bags of peanuts, two of pretzels and one vending machine bag of M&Ms between them, all poured into an empty cup to create a munchable trail mix. They were surrounded by a dark, hushed 12am (2am at home … Scully always put them on home time the moment they stepped on the plane) peacefulness broken only by the hum of engines and the snores of the man across the aisle.

Tucking the armrest up and away, Scully shifted her legs and dipped her head to rest on his shoulder, digging for candies in order to eat in rainbow order, “I would like to request no cases that involve air flight for the next few weeks, okay? Nothing more than 30 miles away, tops.”

Mulder snagged a red one, handing it to her with a weary smile, “Tired of racking up the frequent flyer miles?”

“Just tired. I could do with some home cooking, some loud family and some uninterruptable sleep next to you.”

Keep reading

How is it possible for someone to be so supportive and so damaging all at once?
I used to sleep at your house when it was too loud inside my own head for me to sleep at my own
Now I wake in a cold sweat in a college dorm room and the ghost of you drips, saline, from my skin.
You were the poison and the antidote and I guzzled them both down
as eager to kill myself as I was to get better.
I remember the way your words poured acid over anyone who dared to express their humanity through art.
I remember being confused at how you could write me the most beautiful poems,
but laughed at the song lyrics I loved because they made me think of you.
“So edgy.” “So brooding.”
Woe unto those who relied on vague lyrics to get them to sleep at night!
Death to the poets who wrote anything at all before they had fully mastered the craft!
It took months of you being gone from my life for me to enjoy myself without feeling stupid
Still even now all it takes is the slightest word from anyone, the smallest change in tone,
And doubt is all I know.
A mere taste of the self-professed insanity I used to mainline
Have you ever told someone your version of events,
what you were sure was the truth,
only to have them say you were crazy?
For the rest of your life you are never entirely sure of anything.
Your autobiography is reduced to a disjointed series of maybes.
I used to wish like hell that there was a pill I could take that would reattach me to reality,
some chemical way to ensure the accuracy of my memory.
I have no idea what happened anymore.
Sometimes I’m not sure I even know what’s happening now.
And the worst of it is I can hear your voice even as I write this poem.
“It’s good,” you’d say, “but a bit too angsty.”
After All of the After Parties (4)

Part Four to After The After Party

Thanks to cheeky anon’s for pushing me to write this; I love you pesky peeps. Dedicated, as always, to one true loves @delos-mio , @goblackhatwithme  & @princesse-de-ravenclaw for being angels and being my blackhattrashgroup besties.


Word Count: 972 
Rating: T/M
Sirius x Reader
AN: I hope you love it, xox

Originally posted by bentbarnes



She outstretched her fingers attempting to avoid the cramp she was getting from ignoring her school work. Her eyes glanced up out of the window, the sunshine blaring through even on the frosted window. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been attempting to hide from them all, her friends, his friends… him. 

Sirius was irksome, cocky and above all bloody irritatingly handsome.

Her hands ran across her face, her lips missing his now more than ever. He was infectious, and she hated that she needed him. Her emotions were raging around him, they were bothersome and wouldn’t diminish even if she pleaded them too. She wanted to not fall for him, she wanted to not be another girl that fell for his charm… but as expected she had, and she did fall for him.

She picked up her quill before casting it against the wall where she was sat, her head shaking as she wanted nothing more than to scream out, annoyance at the fact that she wanted him. Even if he was no good for her.

“Can we talk?”

Her eyes froze on the mark on the wall in front of her, shivers running up her spine at his soft whisper and she half wanted to not turn around, but she did.

“Please?” Sirius pleaded, and she knew she was unable to turn him down. 

He held her bag in his hand, her fingers busy wrapping the scarf around her neck that he had handed her. She absorbed the smell of his aftershave woven into the fabric, missing the smell on her skin from where she had been against him once before. The fresh breeze near knocked the breath from her chest, her eyes stinging in the cold as she buried her mouth and nose into the scarf to shield her.

The sound of the shoes crunching along the grass as she felt his arm wrap around her, half wanting to pull herself from it but it felt so right, how could she?

“You’re infuriating,” Sirius said suddenly, filling in the silence with words that she never expected to hear.

Frowning as she looked at him, “thank you?”

Sirius stopped all of a sudden, her body following his as his arm was around her and he turned, moving his hands to her shoulders to hold her in place as the grey bore into her, “I don’t know what you’ve done to me.”

Her hand raised knocking his hands off her, taking a step back as his hand remained partly in the air pointing at her, the other by his side as he tensed his jaw.

“Look,” Sirius snapped. “I… need you to have faith in me. I need you…”

“To what?”

“To not give up on me,” his words sounding like a child who needed their mother. A desperation that she had never heard come from him. 

“Sirius, I don’t —”

“— Back to Sirius now are we?”

“And you said I was infuriating?” She retorted as he smirked. “Look, I don’t know what this is all about but, my mind has been made I don’t want to be just another —”

In a breath he had her in his arms, his lips kissing her doubts and her pain away. The last flicker in her eyes burned into him forever as he finally saw what had been there for so long. As her lips moved against his, she made sure to remember each brush against her own. Each taste and each trace of his tongue. Her body lit on fire by his touch, and as he tensed his hold on her back, she curved into him, not hating any of it.

She wanted to ask what it meant, what he was trying to say with this action but she didn’t want to ruin it; she didn’t wish to taint any of it. Her hands moving around his neck as she held on to him for dear life and it was only as he broke from her, their lips tasting each other’s breath that she stared into his eyes and saw the truth that she had never known before.

“Your mood affects mine,” Sirius whispered before her. “I care about you as much as I care about them, my friends, and… it terrifies me.”

“Everybody wants someone they can’t have.”

He frowned, shaking his head slightly, “if I can feel that, it would only be for you.”

“What are you saying?” The words tasting dangerous on her tongue.

“I’m saying that I despised the others, that falling asleep with them beside me was an annoyance. That I’d retreat far from them until they took the hint,” his tongue licking his lips. “But when you fell asleep beside me I felt complete, I didn’t want to let you go, I wanted to hold on to you and never let you go. I never liked those girls, not like I like you. That’s what I’m saying. I’m saying that right now, that’s all I have.”

Her hand hovering over his cheek as his hands remained on her back, her eyes looking from his eyes to his lips. His fingers caressing her cheek and she didn’t realise how much she had missed that touch, that finger that sets her entire body on fire.

“I don’t think…” Sirius cleared his throat, her eyes falling from his face. “I think I am in love with you, more than a friend and… I can’t, I don’t want to lose you.”

“Sirius…”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered as her hand let go of his as he looked at her full of sadness. “That’s how much… that’s how I feel.”

She looked at him, her hand cupping his cheek as she smiled proudly, “you, are going soft.”

“Only with you.”


xox

I’ve Sat in the Dark

By Valeria Renée

Special thanks to one of the most amazing guys I’ve met for helping me with it  @wordsfromthestorm


I’ve sat in the dark for
Some time now.
I’ve tasted the bitterness of solitude,
The icy cold,
Which chills my body,
Freezes my spine,
Leaves me trembling
For him.

I’ve been contemplating life,
And how
I go about it.
Aimlessly, lost, confused,
I have no idea where I’m going
Nor who will I encounter,
Or lose,
Or recover.

Again, one day
When my demons finally leave,
And let me be
Who I know I can be
I want to show it
because,
There’s a pounding in my head
That won’t stop,
That won’t leave,
And I’ve tried,
For so long.

I’ve longed
For solitude,
To be abandoned by them,
My demons,
But I never imagined
That having your demons leave you behind
When you have no one else
Is even worse.
Because this, this is real solitude.
It’s confusing,
It’s powerful,
And it kills you.

I’ve been so angry lately
For staying like this,
Depressed,
Over something I can
No longer control,
Because I’m the one choosing
To feel like this.
But it has it’s perks.

I’ve been thinking,
Night and day,
About life,
And what it means to be alive.
I’ve been thinking about the future,
And what I want to achieve,
But most often, and most intensely,
I’ve been thinking about love,
And what it is to be in love.

Something so beautiful,
Something so delicate,
Like a flower,
And myself.
I now realize.
It brings me joy to think about it,
And it makes me
Fall in love.

But I’m afraid,
Im afraid to never feel this way again.
Im afraid to never find the right one.
Im afraid to have lost him, for good this time,
Because what happened has been enough
To make me
Cynical.

But now, I speak to you.
Yes, you.
You know who you are.
You know what you did.
Don’t walk away from this.
You tore my heart apart,
And savored its pieces.

Was it good?
Did it feel right?
I know I had faults, but yours…
They scarred me.
I’m afraid, for good.
Because you were the first one
The only one
To know me,
And me, you.

I will never understand
How you walked away,
So quickly,
So easily,
Holding hands with someone new.
And even after all that,
I still
Loved You.

But I want to let go,
I need to let go,
I’m ready to let go.
I leave you with these words…
Thank you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.

Loved and Lost - Or Not At All

A/N: An anon request for a Spencer x Reader inspired by I Know You by Skylar Grey. I am interpreting the lyrics slightly differently, considering this is from 50 Shades of Fucked Up. Those movies got a soundtrack they didn’t deserve -_- @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch

                                                                —-

Strength didn’t just come in the form of bulging muscles and a rough jaw, or a hardened exterior waiting to be cracked open. Sometimes, strength meant shielding your heart from the world you lived in so as to not corrupt who you were deep down. No one knew that better than Dr. Spencer Reid. 

From the moment you met him, you saw his strength - not physical - he was by no means imposing, but you could see the cracks in his eyes, the outside world so begging to get in and infiltrate his heart. But he wouldn’t let it in. It could be considered a blessing - his ability to shield his heart from the sadness he saw, but it could also be a curse. That ability was no doubt a double-edged sword. In shielding his heart from the travesties around him, he unknowingly built a wall around his heart all together, leaving him unable to be vulnerable to the kind of love he so craved. 

He told you as much when you met, not in so many words, but he divulged what he did, claimed he had to shut pieces of himself off in order to do the job, and said because of the job, he didn’t always have the chance to foster the kind of relationship he wanted. But there was something about him - his desire for vulnerability, the softness of his eyes, the gun-roughened skin of his hands - it made you want to know more and reveal the man beneath, so despite his warnings you told him you wanted to get to know him.

A year and a half into the relationship, you could see there was love in him, desperate to get out. At first, you told him that you would help him, be patient, and allow him to love you in time, but slowly, you were losing faith that he could admit his love for you. Somehow, in his mind, the second he said he loved you it was real, and therefore could be taken away - just like the last woman he loved.

“Something wrong?” he asked, bringing you out of your daze. He’d just returned from work, and with a tentative smile, you nodded that you were fine. But it wasn’t fine. He was holding back and he didn’t want to; you’d been patient enough.

Again, he looked at you, not saying anything. “I’m not okay.” You looked out the window, clutching just a little bit harder on the collar of the shirt you were wearing. “I’m not okay, Spence.”

“What’s wrong?” His eyes flashed in fear, trying with his brilliant mind to pinpoint what was wrong. But sometimes intelligence couldn’t give you every answer.

For a moment, you swallowed your words. You loved him. You knew he loved you even though he wouldn’t say it. Shouldn’t that be enough? Why did it matter so much to you that he say those words? Whatever faults that desire exacerbated, they were there, and you wanted him to say it. “Why can’t you say it?” you asked. You could feel you lip quivering and did your best to stop it. 

Immediately, his face dropped. “You know why, Y/N. You know how I feel about you.”

“But do I really, I know you care for me, but I don’t know that you love me, because you won’t let me close enough to know. Even after a year and a half together, I haven’t met your mother. I haven’t met your friends, save for Penelope, whom we ran into on accident. I feel things when you kiss me…when we’re together…but that isn’t everything.”

His eyes were watering, at a loss for where to head from here. “The second I admit anything, the second you could be taken away from me…like Maeve…I can’t have that happen again…”

“But what if this time, instead of me being taken away, it’s me walking away because you won’t let me in?” The tears were no longer at bay; you couldn’t keep them there. “I love you so much, Spence. I can see how badly you want to love me. What you’ve given already isn’t even a fraction of what you could give if you opened up to me. But if you continue like this…I’m afraid I can’t be the one. I don’t need a man to scream it from the rooftops, but I do need you to be able to say I love you as you look into my eyes.”

Slowly, you turned away from him and looked out the window, hoping he would just leave and make this easier on you, but he just stared at you. “I can’t lose you,” he whispered. “You’re the only thing grounding me anymore.”

“I don’t know what to say to that, Spence,” you sighed. “I’m glad I can be a grounding force, but I need something in return - nothing material - I want you. All of you. Not these bits and pieces that you’ve shown over the past 18 months. There is nothing you could say, nothing you could’ve done that would make me walk away if you’d just be honest with me.” For a moment, you let your words hang between you, before going over to your door and opening it, praying he would just walk out if he couldn’t say what he truly felt. “And Spence…I hate to break it to you, but if you believe that saying your true feelings means that I could be taken away, and that that would hurt you, then your feelings are there whether you voice them or not. If you choose not to voice them, I don’t know what else I can say.”

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked teary-eyed. 

Your eyes shot up from the ground. “Want?” you asked incredulously. “No! I don’t want you to leave! I love you! But I can’t continue in a relationship that I put everything into when I know that he doesn’t love me back. I just can’t do it anymore, Spencer. I love you so much, and I assume I always will, but you refuse to say it, which leads me to believe that you don’t actually love me. You care. That I can see. But you don’t love me, you just don’t know-”

“But I do!” he exclaimed, his lashes blinking away tears. “I do…love you.”

A wall of tears cascaded down your cheeks, hearing the words you never thought you’d hear. Words were one thing though - actions were another. “Why won’t you introduce me to the people you love? Your mother? If you love me, why do you insist on keeping me separate from everything and everyone else? Why won’t you let me know that side of you? I know you. I know your deepest desires, but you want let me know so much of yourself, and if you love me I don’t understand why that is.”

“Y/N, I love my job. I’m good at it. I feel like I’m doing good for the world. But this job has taken so much from me - pieces of myself that I can’t get back, people I love - if I ingrain you into the rest of my life, I could lose you too. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t.” His eyes stung with tears, and he wiped them away, but they quickly returned in greater numbers. 

Closing the space between you, you took his face in your hands and pressed your lips to his. “You haven’t introduced me to your family, any of them. I am completely isolated from everything else about you. If someone were to come in here right now and shoot me right between the eyes, do you think it would hurt any less because I haven’t been fully ingrained into your life?”

“I don’t know,” he breathed. “I’m scared to find out.”

You kissed him again, his lips tasting of the ocean - the one he was drowning in. “I know you are,” you replied. “But do you want to remain scared your entire life? Wasn’t it Alfred Lord Tennyson that said ‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?’ Would you rather I’d never entered your life to begin with?”

“No,” he exclaimed. “No. No, I’d never wish that.” Something came over him then. Like something clicked in the cogs of his mind. “I love you…I love you. I’ll work on it. Like really work on it. I’ll tell them, my team, I’ll tell them about you tomorrow. Please…give me one more chance. Allow me to prove that I do love you…more than anything else in this world.”

Once more, you pressed your lips to his, sensing his relief and relaxing into him just a bit more. “This is it. This is the last time. I’ve heard this before.”

“I know,” he said quickly, his brown curls falling into your face. “And it’s going to be hard, but I can’t watch you leave…I love you.”

anonymous asked:

People claim that there was no reasons for the series to show us a certain connection between Nina and Charioce if they weren't meant to be endgame but... could this be just what authors want us to believe? I mean what if they're misleading us? That's not the first time it happens: the main girl has a crush on the cool and serious guy but then realizes her true love is someone else or simply just changes her mind about him and doesn't end up with anyone.

Well, I’m a huge AzaNina shipper. It’s OTP that’s why I ofc wish to see them as endgame. But why not Charioce and Nina? I try to explain, please remember it’s only my opinion, I don’t want to bash ship or shippers. It’s still a taste thing.

I already wrote something about it. This ship is really complicated. First, what bothers me is a mental age difference and different ideals. Charioce is an adult, a true adult unlike hundreds years Azazel. Nina is a cheerful child. They have different views on life, one of them should to give up or they’ll never find a compromise. I wish it will be Char but on the other hand it could feel rushed, out of his purposeful character. He should change not because of Nina’s naive kind ideas.

Second. I really like Nina’s personality that’s why I feel like she lost herself when “Chris” was around. Because of her crush, yeah, but I want that Nina keeps being her true self. I think we all agree that this love feeling was really facile and blind. Sorry, I don’t believe in love at first sight. I see the first step of Charioce and Nina relationship starts from Nina’s speech to him. That was our true Nina.

Third. As I said for me their true relationship starts only now. Nina still should to know that the king = “Chris”. I wonder what kind of reaction she will have. It will prove how deep her feelings were. Still I don’t see yet that Charioce takes a big interest in her. Ten days were running out but he didn’t even visit her. Maybe the next episode shows why.

And last. It’s too early to say that this ship is canon. Spoil an endgame already in PV? Nee, it’s too easy. Do you remember 3d PV? The Nina’s question “Is it love?” and then “Let it end” with fights, fire and blood. It’s not a sweet story. Charioce and Nina should make a true bond, understand each other to be canon. It takes a long time.

As AzaNina shipper I like to think that it’s a misleading. Yeah, I’m fan of the stories, when the girl has a crush on the handsome guy, but then realizes that her best friend is her match. Here comes a question: why AzaNina? The answer - their relationship started platonic. Yeah, I like platonic relationship that slowly becomes a romance. Almost in every episode is a small hint for their development.

Azazel and Nina both are energetic, a little naive dorks. I like Azazel’s unconscionable care about Nina, I like his progress from “kisama” to “Nina”. Nina can see his true personality yet, without handsome charm, and she really cares about him even without calling him her friend. She never really offended on him, without any reason she helped and trusted him.They both love Mugaro too, I think he becomes the reason for them to be closer. I enjoy their interactions, they always are so funny. I’m curious what Azazel is thinking about Nina now, when he can’t just use her power?

Well, you see, it’s a really personal perception. All characters relationships still need more development. Let’s hope it will be really likeable and we keep enjoying the show together.

anonymous asked:

4?!

4. Are there any other fic writers you admire? If so, who and why?

*clears throat* There are about 50,000,000 fic writers that I admire but I’ll list three

@ebenroot because LYFG was one of the first YOI fics that I read and!!!!!! Was fantastic!!!!! And never tasted rubies ruined my life!!!!!!!! My favorite thing about Shar’s fics is the banter/humor that comes off as so effortless and natural. Everything feels so in character and it’s not, like, hard to read, if that makes sense? Sometimes I feel as though stories are bogged down with details and unnecessarily complex plots but w Shar’s fics you can just grab yourself some tea and have a nice time and that’s what I love about them !

@forovnix because KIC is art™!!!! My favorite thing about Justine’s fics are the little details that she uses. I feel as though every sentence adds something to the story and since it’s all so detailed, she’s really good at crafting a universe and making you feel invested!! Her diction is always varied from the beginning to the end and you can tell that she invests a lot of time into the writing to keep it interesting and flowing perfectly!

@kazliin because my fics rely 99% on dialogue and her fics rely 1% on dialogue. I will endlessly admire her ability to tell such a captivating story without just slapping down a heck of a lot of dialogue!! I love her style of storytelling and also love how easy it is to get invested in a chapter of one of her fics. The way that she can delve so deep into a character’s emotions is fantastic and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt as anxious reading a fic as I felt reading UMFB hahaha

The Attic Letters

Mistress Dolly,

My heart aches for you. I cannot rid my mind of the filthiest pleasures I want to bestow upon you. I am yours and yours alone. You own me wholly and completely. I do not dare satisfy myself because I know I am wasting seed that could nourish you. You are my sun. My piercing stars.

I am nothing and you are everything. I close my eyes and see your sensual form. Your generous breasts, your soft stomach, your sharp teeth. Men would die for a moment of your time. And yet I get to have you, even if it is only for an hour.

I have carved your name onto my chest as you requested. I hope you will visit soon, so I can show you my work. It was painstakingly slow. I had to use the rusted nail from the doorframe. But I wrote it in cursive just like you asked. I will do anything for you. Please come visit soon.

Yours forever and beyond,

Otto


 ……

Mistress Dolly,

Your visit was breathtaking. I forget about my hunger when you set upon me with your body. Your flesh covered my vision. I could feast on you for the rest of my life and never feel an appetite again. You are my sustenance. My everything.

Thank you also for the iodine. Although your name on my skin looks beautiful, the rot has set in. I think the iodine will help, although it makes the pain worse. And not the sweet pain that you gift to me. Your teeth have left half-moons along my thighs. I rub them and think of you. Your bittersweet smell. I found some of your hairs in my nest. I taste each before entwining them in my own hair.

I hate to ask anything of you, since you give so much to me, but might I have some water? The attic is hot and I have drunk nothing but the sight of your beautiful body. I am a miscreant for even asking. You owe me nothing. You must hate me for this request. I will do an hour of headaches to atone.

Yours faithfully,

Otto



Mistress Dolly,

I am forever in your debt (as if I weren’t already). Despite the taste of the toilet water it truly has put the life back into me. I feel spirited again. And the dog food was an unexpected gift. You truly take care of your bat so well. I am so lucky to have you.

My body burns for you. I dream of you at night. At least, I believe it is night. Since there are no windows I cannot tell what time of day it is. But I hear no footsteps downstairs. Your bastard husband makes so much noise when he walks. He is a hippo of a man. I understand your disgust with him. Yet…I can’t help but feel jealous. He has your bed whenever he desires. I am vermin for even telling you this. But last night I heard him cry out in what must be sexual ecstasy. While I hope beyond hope that this tryst did not involve you, I can’t help but mourn my beautiful goddess at the hands of that rat. If you asked, I would remove him for you.

I also wanted to say that I listened to your request and have stopped urinating. It is difficult, and often painful, but I have gone many hours without relieving myself. If I fail, I will do two hours of headaches.

Can you hear the sound of my skull against the wall? I don’t want to alert your bastard husband.

Your willing slave,

Otto



Mistress Dolly,

Please touch me again. Please use me again. I am dying without your love. My body has become nothing more than straw and wood. I hear voices all the time now. They tell me you don’t love me anymore. But I defy them! You are my sun. My only light. You would never leave me. It may have been hours or days since we last consummated our desire. I have lost all time.

Have you locked me in? I have to admit, although it shames me so, that I tried to open the attic door. It was the thirst, my love. Both for you and for water. I thought maybe you had left some outside and I could grab it quickly before coming back to my nest. But the door would not open. Did you lock me inside? What horrible thing have I done to deserve this? I will atone. I know I am nothing and you are everything.

Please come to me soon. There is a yellow liquid building on my chest. It smells worse than the chamber pot. I cannot live without you.

Yours until I die,

Otto

 …


Mistress Dolly, 

Did you visit me? I no longer have memory. Perhaps I have lived inside this room my entire life. Have I been your slave since birth? The words dance along the paper. The voices bite my ears when I try to sleep.

There is a leak in the roof. I have been sucking rainwater from the broken wood. It gives me a second of luster. Hunger drove me to the rats. And the bugs. They are in my stomach now, whispering their insults. You must be disgusted by me. I am no better than your husband. If he were in front of me now, I would wrap my hands around his throat. I would fill his mouth with the pus I scrape from my skin. I would kill him again and again and again and

 

Dolly

I miss you your body sex

Tell me I love you Tell tell Kill him in front of you

Yours

 ………………………………………………………………………………..

 

My name is Fred and I found this stash of letters under a baseboard in my dining room. My wife claims she knows nothing of them. They look old and the ink is fading. We bought this house four years ago. The people who lived here before us thought the place was haunted and gave us a good deal. We haven’t had a problem, except for the occasional banging from the attic. I tried to go up there to see if there was something broken, but the door was locked shut with an old brass padlock. Since then we have basically ignored the attic and its contents.

But then I found these letters….If this is a joke, it’s not a very funny one.

Especially since I just rechecked the attic door, and it was wide open.

anonymous asked:

I love to watch you drag those "but not all men!" idiots through the mud. It looks exhausting, but please never stop until there aren't any of them left 🙏🏻

Thank you! I mean not so long time ago i was calling myself an ‘equalist’ because i thought feminists on tumblr were too radical and extreme for my taste but then i started to interact with more men irl and I’ve realized I was really sheltered and lucky to have in my life some men that were A+ material and most women don’t have the same luck as I do so I can’t really blame them for being disillusioned with men in general.

So yeah I love me *some men. The others can go fuck themselves, especially when the only thing they’re doing here is confirming my posts.

The Signs as Quotes from Monster Factory:  Mass Effect 2

Aries: Hey, let’s go have a Jupiter make-out! I need to find a kiss partner, where are ya hidin’?
Taurus: This is way off the grid, right? (Oh, dude, we have so– I have broken the factory warranty on Truck Shepard!) Truck Shepard’s body could not be returned to Best Buy! (They will not give me store credit, even.)
Gemini: It’s like– the movie The Fly, if instead of… a fly in the chamber, with Jeff Goldblum, it was, like, a big bowl of pasta salad or something.
Cancer: Do you think this was what Bioware intended? (Um… for you to download third-party software and then–) And hack this thing into it– (And then grab the bones of their protagonist and just sorta do a quick hand-jive inside of their faceskin?)
Leo: (Griffin saying holy shit with varying degrees of distress for 30 full seconds)
Virgo: I see you’re drinking from a cup. I’ve never done that. My fluid is sent to me in special bags. By a space company, for special faces. (I have to pay them seven-hundred of my eight-hundred spacebuck paycheck every month–) Just for ten punch bags. Those are bags filled with punch for special faces. (In Earthen times, they were called Capri Suns. You could buy them for three dollars.) Now they’re called Special Face Life Bags. They are a nutrient slurry. You do not puncture them with straws, but with your ear-teeth. I taste with my skin.
Libra: It’s like a gashapon! Only it’s a guy’s face!
Scorpio: He can’t be killed! (Oh my god! He’s unkillable!) Griffin, he’s gonna jump through the computer screen and kill you! (Don’t– Don’t even joke about that! They are gonna– they are gonna find my body in the morning underneath a dreamcatcher.)
Sagittarius: Look, I can save you! Grab my chin, grab my lips, nooo! I can taste you!
Capricorn: Listen, Wilson was responsible for your reconstruction. He knows exactly what you did. Giving you six discrete facial dorsal fins.
Aquarius: I am still a work-in-progress, God’s still figuring me out!
Pisces: If HP Lovecraft saw this right now, he would shit his pants to death! (It looks like Stephen King’s dick exploded! It looks like Wes Craven took a dump into a box fan!)

though the anchor drags against the seabed
you usher me gently along
i am safe in this rowboat
that we have christened, untouched
by salty waves lapping against the hull
even as they jolt against the grain
and i can almost taste them, cold and unforgiving
you wrap yourself around me -
a luminous orange life jacket -
weighted with soft reminders of worthiness
and offer me your tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
are they really mine?
i will never hold anything as precious
as the promise of your time
there is nothing tangible
worth more than this love
the indents in your cheeks
quicken my heartbeat
can you hear it?
i would not just die for you, love
i will live for you, too