but i dont wanna see that shit

Jesus Sae maybe the reason Makoto decided to become cohorts with the Phantom Thieves is because you’re a shitty sister

i dislike my job a lot i dont particularly like seeing dead people on the daily especially when theyre so fresh theyre still shitting themselves like id kinda rather have something a little more low-key. i wanna go back to the early days when i was selling dicks to people, that was a good gig man. 

thoughts on the Elder Scrolls races

NORDS:

  •  V I K I N G S
  • probably eat nails for breakfast
  • without milk
  • seriously though these guys have some issues with people drinking milk
  • their fashion sense is basically strapping as many dead animals to themselves as they can
  • punch each other for funsies
  • resolve polictical conflict by via shouting contest

ALTMER:

  • commonly called high elves because they’re so fucking tall
  • fab
  • superiority complex
  • do not engage in magical combat with them because you will lose
  • will not rest until they have complained about everything

BOSMER:

  • smol
  • chillest of the elven races
  • outdoor enthusiasts
  • archery skills to rival legolas
  • won’t eat their vegetables

KHAJIIT:

  • furry
  • Khajiit likes to speak about themselves in 3rd person
  • nomads
  • it’s not breaking the law if no one sees you doing it
  • their hands are their weapons. no seriously they got claws
  • their king is chosen by the moons. I’m serious

IMPERIALS:

  • like building empires
  • not very good at running empires
  • rich bitches
  • still sad because they lost sir patrick steward and his son sean bean
  • slapfights with the altmer 24/7
  • longing for the day when they will get their shit together

DUNMER:

  • Edgelords™
  • their eyes are red their skin is blue they’ll probably set fire to you
  • ghost whisperer(s)
  • their gods tend to hold grudges
  • seriously dont piss of their gods they will fuck you over
  • kind of in a bad place after most of their homeland literally exploded

BRETONS:

  • politics
  • will sell you for one cornchip
  • kind of the elves’ unwanted bastard child
  • secretly really good at magic
  • don’t like their rural cousins in the Reach very much

REDGUARDS:

  • will knock you on your butt
  • P I R A T E S
  • What’s that? You wanna invade their homeland? I’m sorry your authority isn’t recognized in Fort Kickass
  • wanna see a magic trick?
  • no
  • no they don’t

ARGONIANS:

  • lizard
  • can breathe underwater
  • history of getting fucked over by the dunmer
  • tree huggers
  • i still dont understand why their women got tiddies. but they do
  • maids: lusty

ORISMER:

  • mean green killing machines
  • literally trained from birth to hand your ass to you
  • isolate themselves a ot
  • not that they have to try because they get shit from literally everyone
  • master smiths
  • their god may be a bit of a dick sometimes but he looks out for his people
  • resting bitchface

the theater teacher at school runs a dnd club and hes running us through the haunting of harrowstone. my character has proven to be absolutely useless missing every attack i (and my animal companion) make, while also managing to provoke unneeded fights with ghosts. we were checking out all the doors in the hall in order and found a huge room

DM: this room is open and unremarkable except the piles of fabric strewn across the floor. across from you you can see a single skeletal hand reaching up and out from under some of the fabric

me: i cast spark to set it on fire

entire party: NO WHAT IF ITS A GOOD GHOST

me: why in the world would there be a good ghost in here weve been attacked by literally everything since we got here but fine i dont do that

sorcerer: i wanna look around [rolls high perception]

DM: as you look at this boney hand peeking out at you your vision shifts. it seems to be moving, but not moving, but its turning towards you but the hand itself is still but you see movement all the same. the next thing you see is a soft apparition of an older woman, who looks at you incredulously

woman: “what are you doing here? its too dangerous to be here”

cleric: “oh she cares about us!”

witch: “wait is this the wardens wife holy shit”

me: “oh. good thing i didnt set you on fire then.”

woman: [laughs] “its happened before”

me: [sudden realization that she burned to death here] “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY”

my favorite things said by mickey milkovich

“fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you”
“what do we look like a couple of fags for sale to you?”
“well this aint macy’s bitch, and you aint window shopping”
“im fucking gay, a big ol’ mo"
“like stab that fat fucking mick who keeps tryna steal my jello!”
“LOOK, DONT WORRY, WE’LL GET A DICK IN YOU AS SOON AS WE CAN”
“rise and fucking shine, cinderella”
“GUESS WHAT WE’VE BEEN DOIN DADDY? WE’VE BEEN FUCKIN”
“line up a shot for the Abe Lincoln of mouth whores”
“I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE SAYING”
“fuck off”
“you callin’ me gay?”
“christ, close the door, nobody wants to see that mandingo shit!”
“they’re not climbing Everest, they’re climbing dick”
“you come all the way down here to talk about my pubes?”
“those fingers go anywhere near that cock, i'mma break every knuckle in your hand! all fifteen of em’.”
“you wanna chit-chat more or you wanna get on me?”

i love shameless more than i love my family holy shit.

Right Next To Me

Cassian Andor/ Reader

Words: 714

Summary: A cramped space in someone’s house is better than sleeping in Cassian’s U-wing. Anywhere but that ship.

Prompt: “We slept in the same bed for space reasons but now we’re just waking up and there’s something about your bleary eyes and mussed hair” with Cassian please? :-)

Tagging: @kwaiky, @attentionseekingprincess, @ly–canthrope, @can-t-figure-it-out

Author’s notes: This is a repost from yesterday. I’m not too sure what happened but the fic wasn’t showing up in their respected tags so no one could really find it. Here’s to the fic showing up in the damn tags. I struggled with finding out the “space reason” and after skimming through a few fics with the same prompt, I went with the good ole fashion “damn, that’s a tiny bed…what ever shall we do?” BITH! SLEEP IN THE SAME BED, THAT’S WHAT!


Supposedly, a man happened to spot you and Cassian discussing with a confidant who happens to be his friend. Assuming you two are with the Alliance, the kind man offered up a room in his home as asylum from any potential threat. A Rebellion sympathizer’s home is better than sleeping on the U-wing bench while sitting up. Though Cassian is skeptical of the man, you take the sympathizer’s offer with a punch with your elbow to Cassian’s left side. Best not to make a scene in a town full of locals.

Keep reading

okay listen up cause I'm only gonna say it once

if I look up any kind of smut I WANNA READ SMUT I DONT WANNA SEE PICTURES OF ANY OF THE BOYS I WANNA READ ABOUT GETTING FUCKED OKAY SO STOP TAGGING EVERYTHINF WITH SMUT OR IM GONNA LOSE MY FUCKING SHIT

anonymous asked:

Lesbians are weak. Darwinism swallows the weak. The future is heterosexual.

this is the funniest fucking shit i have ever seen. lesbians are weak?? have u ever met a lesbian? have u ever met a heterosexual??? heteronis are so pathetic they see ONE gay person and throw a little hissy fit and send messages like this to blogs when they see lesbians not hating themselves

You wanna talk weak? ur whiny baby ass cant handle the fact that there are women out there who dont want you. Check your ego at the door and get the fuck off my blog lol

Mishagara

dumbass exo fanfic shit that gets on my nerves

→ *yall are either doing the most (without a doubt), being annoying, or just down right fucking gross so here i hope yall learn to do better next time (none of this is to directly target anyone or anything, just some things ive seen that need to be put to rest. that being said, my ask is still open if you feel otherwise.) edit: yall are doing the most to clock me for kinkshaming, but not everyone is going to like everything and everyone has a right to express such opinions. if you have a problem with anything i said, oh well lol


  • if she dont know him (and they havent personally discussed it) and hes eating her out while she sleeps for whatever reason,,, he raped her fuck off with that buffoonery
  • you can write tao into a fic without making him a whiny, sobbing pissbaby i hate that stereotype
  • if the oc hates his ass and distinctly said “no” to fucking but he “persuades” them in an aggressive way, thats rape too. no is no regardless it shouldnt be that hard to grasp
  • can yall stop with the mafia!exo fics where he kidnapped the oc and is such a fucking cunt but they grow to love him anyway (ngl ive written this before but like,,, i shouldnt even have to explain why this made the list)
  • some people are into this and thats chill but it annoys me when hes the dom and hell “punish” the oc for masturbating when hes away
  • in supernatural!exo fics why is he watching her sleep if they arent acquainted?? it wasnt cute when twilight did it and it isnt cute now
  • ive seen a distinct lack of boy!reader fics and non east asian poc fics (i try to use words that leave it open to interpretation but why is she always either white or east asian)
  • ill say it again for yall smut writers,,, if the oc seriously says “no” it isnt the time for him to keep trying to seduce them
  • the way hes so protective (especially when they arent allowed to have other male friends) aint attractive sometimes
  • theres a fine line between rough sex and pushing set boundries
  • bts and exo dont always have to beef
  • but i dont wanna see bts in every single oneshot/fic
  • age of consent varies but if you hmu asking me to write some shit about a 13 year old reader (and its happened sksksks) dont expect my american ass not to look at my phone a lil funny before pressing “delete”
  • this is less exo and more general, but stop ! writing ! smut ! about ! idols ! that ! arent ! legal ! let them be kids and stop sexualizing everything
  • i thought i escaped this bullshit when i quit hardcore stanning 1d but the other day i saw a fic where he was her bully?? and she fell for him even though he did nothing but put her down??? um–
  • those “sex slave” fics i see on aff where he literally owns her and dictates every little thing she does are also an um– (thats actually a world issue sjsksks just write some heavy bdsm oneshots i know yall add that in at some point anyway)
  • i know what sehun comes across as but can yall stop making him such an overbearing, bratty piece of shit in everything its agitating to see it so often
  • i find this more funny than anything but with some of those reaction requests where the oc fangirls to another group, is he supposed to seriously mind? my mom fangirls over celebrity men all the time and her husband doesnt care at all
  • lastly, those “adopted sibling/step-brother” stories arent technically bad, but it makes me wince when they were raised as siblings and they talk abt being brother/brother or brother/sister so frequently like,,, idk about you but if i fell in love with my brother–
the fate of the furious thoughts *spoilers*

-Fuck okay so I saw the movie last night and fuck i didn’t think i’d be hype but it felt so right watching it!!!
-this is definitely scattered and poorly articulated compared to my review of ff7 but ill write a proper one in due time. I fucking miss paul
-ive seen every fuckin movie of this franchise in theaters n im only 23 ah these are my thoughts as i was watching it. I was lowkey keeping notes lmao
-beautiful setting and colors wow as always!!!
-FUCK as if charlize therons character wasnt annoying enough the fuckin bitch had to have dreads!!! Deadass bye
-GEEKED at roman coming in at 11 for most wanted criminals
-Roman lmfao he literally cracks me up so fucking much i love tyrese
-the Rock as a soccer daddy ifucking love it his daughter is so cute ugh
-DECKARD SHAW IS SUCH A DADDY oh my i love jason statham and his banter w the rock lmao
-digging all the gratuitous fight scenes and humor and explosions
-what are you gonna Email her? Lmfao roman is too much hahahah
-calling roman Slick lmao
-hobbs and shaw are both daddies fuck they can get it
-scott Eastwood FUCK ME UP i love how theyre giving him so much shit ahaha hes so fine though gotdamn
-The kisss!!! Fuck this dumb ass hacker Bitch
With ugly dreads
-Brian would know what to do… OMG SHOOK im crying i miss paul walker so much my mans
-omfg hes a fucking dad. Papa!!! HE HAS A KID W ELENA IM SHOOK AGAIN
-middle name marcos first name is for his father to name him!!! Bitch!! 😭😭I bet he calls the bb brian!! Just cus thats how dom and vin both would be. I’m crying
-god lmao hobbs’ Fuckin names for shaw and his damn one liners i can’t… callin him princess LOL
-themost recent movies have so much more comedic elements and honestly i live for it my theater was crackin up constantly in between all that anxiety if whats happening next!!!
-shaw in suits fuck me up statham is so fine
-ugh in ny!!! The music is always so lit!!! THE TOYSHOP DAYUM!!! Those sexy cars and sexy ass scott eastwood fuck
-are you Blanta? Lmao roman and that fuckin neon orange lambo
-oo shit doms got a plan yas!!! Helen mirren omfg!!! British woman so I assume this is mama shaw
-ok this banter now is just straight up Flirting between shaw and hobbs like theyd be so good together lmao
-ugh this Destruction i cant… imagine if that shit was real so many ppl would be dead god
-ugh charlize is a little cunt
-gotta admit tho putting those cars jn Auto drive was pretty freaking dope but crazy and the pileup. Shits wild if that could happen irl we’re fucked
-did i mention Eastwood is fucking sexy
-Lil nobody lost his lil mind hahaha
-BIG SEXI COMIN THRU
-Why didnt they just crash into him fuckkkk like instead of just tugging on his car from dif directions like ya dont hurt him but still
-Omg shaw WTF RIP I WAS JUST LOVING HIM ON THE TEAM IN SAD IM CRYING AND HOBBS IS UPSET
-DOM TURNIN HIS BACK ON LETTY IM HURT
-baby callin dom dada im cryjbg holy fuck this mf just shot mama OMG RIP ELENA IM PIST
-god charlize tryig to psycho analyze shit and just constantly spewing bs makes me wanna hjr her
-Tej n roman babter is my fav
-ah eastwood baby is on board fuck me. All Bets r off–Hahaha the fuckin orange car
-Roman" this aint for me man" hahaha he’s so fuckin funny they really made his character a bitchass i love it
-2 hacker bitches up against eachother lmao ramsey is gorge
-roman Reading russian HAGAHA such a goof
-LETTYs SUCH A BAD BITCH sent that fucker right into those blades.
-THERES NOTHING ALRIGHT ABOUT THIS LMAO honestly i’m roman
-Spinning in his lambo on ice and everyone just fucking with him hahaha
-WHAT IS GOIN ONHAHAHA as hes sliding with the fuckin door
-TYRESE HELL YA OMG FUCK YEA WHAT A COMEBACK. “NUMBER 11 MY ASS” HAHAH, whole theater is laughing
-OH MY GOD IMS CREAMING BOTH SHAWS ARE ALIVE AND BEAUTFUL MY DADDIES. LUKE EVANS IM SHOOK BABY SCARFACE LMAO IM CRYING I LIT UP WHEN THEY TOOK THEIR MASKS OFF
-SURPRISEEE… AHA FUK U CHARLIZE IM SO HYPE I HAVE CHILLS
-TEGO CALDERON and DON OMAR HELL YEAH EVEYTHING IS UNRAVELING I MISSED THEM IM CRYIN IM SO HAPPY RN
-DOMS WHOLE PLAN FUCK YEAH AND THE SHAWS IM SO HYPE
-MOMMA SHAW HELL YES AHAHAH DISCIPLING HER FUCKIN BOY “and ur gonna TAKE UR brother” “DEVILS BUNGHOLE” HAJAJA MOM it’s god’s eye. I LOVE THIS FAMILY. Spinoff please???
-IMCHEERING SO HARD MORALE IS SO HIGH
-FOR ELENA YAS DOM IS BACK BABY KNOCKED THAT FUCKER DEAD
-STATHAM W BB BEING AN ACTUALLY DADD IM CRYIN ALVIN N CHIP MUNKS YES AHAHA
-FIGHTing W BB OMFG DADDY YES, “its gonna be a lot of fun” i love him so much take me
-DOMS BACK I HAVE CHILLS YES
-LETTY SEEING DOM AND REALIZING HE’s back Im SOBBING i love them
-WHEres THAT SMILE? THERE IT IS!! OMG CUTE BABY AND SEXY DADDY DECKARD SHAW IM SHOOK
-Ur not gna wanna see this… *sniffs* is that u or him? HAHAHA i love him
-hobbs to roman: Yr u always yelli g hahaha this shit is so funny while even in the middle of action scenes
-Thats my girl!! Letty made it… ugh dom im just
-U lost the minute u interrupted honeymoon fuck ya bitch dont mess w familia
-“This is for my son” FUCK yasss
-The cars protecting dom im crying more
-Told u this would b fun hgh DADDY shaw pls
-DOM N LETTy FOREVER
-gotta get MY YUNG SELFIE LEVELS up I CANT Hahaha fucking roman
-FAMILY!! I LIVE FOR THE ENDINGS AND THE HUGE FAMILY GET TOGETHERS IM CRYING I MISS PAUL WALKER SO MUCH
-ELENA UGH im sad
-INTRODUCing letty to the baby im dead
-WHAT IS HIS NAME WTF???
-Okay EVERYONE MEET….BRIAN… IM CRYING
-I FUCKING KNEW IT BUT IT STILL GOT ME I WAS LEGIT SOBBING THEN THAT FUCKIN KEHLANIGEAZY SONG CAME ON AND IDK I STARTED CRYING MORE. BABY BRIAN FUCK IM SO EMOTIONAL
-I LOVE THESE MOVIES SO MUCH I WILL BE 80 and still watching these movies as long as they keep putting them out omfg i just love them all i miss paul walker and brian and jordana brewster but this was a really good addition it did not disappoint even tho i hate the title lmao
-i appreciate u if u read this whole thing lets b friends

today may not be a good time to post this and im sorry for blowing up ur notifs but what the fuck !!!! i hit 1.1k followers !!!! i usually do my follow forever posts at end of the year but i didn’t do this last year bc i was waiting to hit 1k ! now here i am !

i made this blog on april 21, 2014 and had my first post in may 1st of the same year then abandoned this blog and officially came back after a year and now this blog has been running since july 2015 lmao it took me 2 yrs to get 1k rip me

anyways! my experience here on tumblr is Awesome so far! (i am not being sarcastic) (or am i?) and i met great people thru here and have made a lot of amazing friends and lost quite a few, sadly

of course @ everyone thank you thank you thank you thank you all for making my tumblr experience great! i still don’t even understand why y'all still follow my lame ass trash of a blog but i couldn’t ask for more lol i love y'all for still keeping up

NOW all i wanted to do right now at this very fucking moment is to give my mutuals a Huge Shoutout for being so so fucking lovely and so so fucking awesome and so so fucking nice! (even tho i only every occasionally talked to some of you and wish i had the guts to talk to everyone), my sappy ff starts below! :)

Keep reading

the signs IMO

aries: can’t fuckin chill for one goddamn second. everythin is a fight to u. stop yelling im 2 metres away from you. maybe i should be 200000 metres away from you BYE. u need to get ur ass kicked. egoistic bastards. they’re not even that egoistic in reality they’re just big fuckin babies but they gotta put on this dumbass mask so nobody can hurt their stupid fragile feelings. suck a fuck arians

taurus: fuckin sloths. ur not as cool as u think u are. stop acting so fuckin chill when i kno ur dyin on the inside. also fuckin leave the house once a while alright. ever heard of vitamin d? didnt think so. bitch. chocolate ice cream is their religion

gemini: DEAR FUCKIN LORD FORBID WE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. DEAR FUCKIN LORD FORBID I TALK TO U . fuckin blabbing all the fuckin time. 24/7 non stop. can’t chill for 2 secs eve n if it depended on their life. ur like an eastern european old lady at christmas dear god help me. they also leave the house only when the wifi is down. they go to the palce they kno has free wifi. leave me the hell alone two face d bitches

cancer: fuckin cry babies. always the victim and always has a reason to cry. gets offended because the leaves fall from the trees in autumn. tells at least 20 lies a day. manipulates and cries their way through life. probably through sex too. sissy ass little bitches thinkin they the shit. guess what. ur not. fuckin satan in disguise. no t the cool kind of satan tho. 

leo: do u think about anytihng else other than clothes and being in the spotlight? didnt think so . get off social media and get a grip. this isnt fuckin kim kardashian reality tv show. dumbasses. favorite hobby is throwing shade at ppl they kno through statuses on facebook. doesn’t have a life outside of social media unless they get hammered. put s on glitter to go to the store. has 20+ crushes at the same time and gets heartbroken about each and every one. my god. disgusting

virgo: MY FUCiNG GOD. grown up babies. u is not always right. there’s filth in this world too. get over it. and dont bring the vacuum cleaner to the party pls thanx. nobody is interested in shakespeares gay ass poems either. fuck off vorgis. lubes their dick and ass with hand sanitizer

libra: BITCH YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL. HAVE U EVER HEARD OF STATING UR OPINION WITHOUT GIVING A SHIT. real life words i’ve heard come from a libra “have you tried charming them” BUH BYE. fake ass bitches

scorpio: calm down satan princess/ this isnt hell. and its also healthy to let go of grudges. please dont kill me because i dont like cats. also stop staring at people like they killed your family in front of your eyes. fuckin freaks 

sagittarius: def not as cool as you think you are. def not the party animal u say u are. stop bein a fuck up and a little bitch and settle down for ONE FUCKIN THING IN YOUR LIFE. also u not as philosophical as u think, no real facts just fancy vocabulary. likes big words cuz they think it makes them smart. it doesnt. suck my dick sag fags

capricorn: dear fucking lord. all of u stay the FUCK AWAY FROM ME. always ready to fuk u up without even listening to u first. think they kno what u saying before u even say it. they have a funny way of twisting ur words. shows the convos with u to all of their friends. pretentious little fucks. theyre gonna gauge ur eyes out for asking if they r ok when they’re sad. then they gonna flip out cuz ur “never there for them” or “don’t pay attention to them” and then they gonna go like nothing ever happened a while later. fuck u honestly. fuck u in the ass capricorns. fuckin spawns of satan

aquarius: def not emotionless. definitely too fuckin sissy to show their tru emotions. will wear a dress made out of plastic flowers and shit just to show their “UNIQUE INTELLECTUAL REBEL SIDE”. fuck off aquas . fuck off. their world crashes down when their intellectuality and opinions are being questioned . fuck off alright u and ur dumbass lana del ray aesthetics. they prolly run a hipster blog too. ew. definitely has a poster of a sexy alien in their room

pisces: D R A M A QUEENS. attention whores, m y god have you ever heard of privacy????????????????????????? THE WHOLE WORLD DOESNT HAVE TO KNO ALL OF UR PERSONAL SHIT. if they got a problem with you theyre gonna drag you to a crowd of ppl and start their shit there. god forbid they talk to you alone about it. they all just wanna be super duper artistic but all they do is fuckin zone out and day dream about some gay shit prolly. i dont know. dont wanna go into their heads. i love and respect myself too much to wanna see whats goin on in a pisces head.  they all post pics of their collar bones and their “90′s pastel grunge torn up jeans” on social media. no matter what happens they are always the victim, and everybody hurts them. fuck off and grow a pair and tell it how it is aight. sick and tired of ur bullshit

fixed the ask for u anon, since you made such a silly mistake 😘😘😘😘😘

ahh im so tired of seeing white people being glorified for stealing poc roles lmao…… and im so tired of white people being cast to play poc characters…. im tired of seeing healthy and positive poc representation being stolen left and right and im tired of people trying to excuse it or guilt trip people who are actually affected by this into accepting this kinda stuff. Its not actual rep and we shouldnt be happy w it or accept anything. its time people understand that representation REALLY fucking matters and this half assed attempt to represent us isnt shit. I dont wanna see white people pretending they understand or they live in the reality i live, fuck that. Cast actual poc. Its not that hard.