In case you wanted another feels angle for the ILY SCENE...
I just realized that there’s something else in Sherlocks expression when he utters the second and heart melting ILY. There isn’t just realization…there’s peace. Which sounds crazy, considering the circumstances. Think about that.
The rest of that phone call, before and after his declaration, he is bordering on panic. But in that moment of the second ILY, something visibly shifts. And you can see in his suddenly softer gaze that it’s almost like he’s been transported away from the fear for just the briefest moment. It’s like his words and that accompanying realization physically calms him, even in that horrifying scenario. And if this doesn’t fit with everything else we’ve ever been given of Molly and Sherlock, I don’t know what does.
That love is a force to be reckoned with and nobody can convince me otherwise.
No, I chided silently, staring around the pitiful shack, blank. I had left with a heart: I’d left with Bree, the love of my second life, and that little heart had kept me tethered to life until I’d found myself again.
….but the heart with which I’d entered? That was no more.
They were still here, watching me from the
damp, dark corners of the cottage: the fragments. I could feel them. Aching.
Yes, this is where you left us. You made it out, but we
remained. Here we shall remain, now that…
My body was a no-man’s land. On the one side, grief: staggering in detail…unending…ripping me to shreds with every breath; on the other, utter nothingness: numbed oblivion…the absence of anything human. One force would rise up to charge, emboldened, and then be summarily routed, annihilated. The process would reverse and repeat over and over, leaving nothing but a throbbing, bleeding stalemate between. Mutually-Assured Destruction.
I closed my eyes and swayed, my arms limp at my sides, a finger searching for the mark at the base of my thumb.
‘I want to take away your touch with me.’
A past me had said that, here within these walls.
‘…to have something of you that will stay with me always.’
Only, nothing was ‘always.’ Not even that.
True, I could see it, still, the faintest of white lines forming the letter J; but any palpable scar had vanished into the smooth landscape of the skin.
Strange: I had never once allowed myself to acknowledge that fact. Doing so now—It plunged me into a cold, chill darkness, where only my terror was heard. Over the years, as I felt it fade, and fade, and fade, I had let myself cling to the fantasy of ‘always’; had permitted myself to never actually touch the spot, nor look at it—only to tell myself it was there, to cling to the safety and comfort of this one, tiny delusion. Yet, the cruel reality was that Jamie’s last touch was now no more than a photograph: a single moment in time, captured in the record, visible, but with no dimension. An image. A hint at a memory.
Jesus H, Christ, but it’s the *memory* that matters, Beauchamp, so stop being foolish. You’re a physician, damn you: you should know better than anyone that scars are *supposed* to heal. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the memory.
Yes, the body, so perfectly adapted to regenerate and prolong us, will do everything in its power to erase the imperfections life inflicts upon it. The platelets will descend; the threads of fibrin will lash and bind; the white blood cells will attack infection at the breach, keeping the small hurt from becoming fatal. It is how we—physically, fundamentally—go on.
The body cannot comprehend that its healing power, that very erasure, is a wound in and of itself; that our hurts and imperfections might be nothing less than our deepest desire; that even pain—
‘…I don’t care if it hurts; nothing could hurt more than leaving you.’
“Wrong again, Beauchamp,” I whispered, my voice catching. This could hurt more. Leaving him again, half our lives gone; facing the remaining half alone….and that, after rising from loneliness up to a great peak of hope—only to—
But you know he’s alive, this time, Beauchamp. You know he’s happy! You know he’s going to live to be an old man, perhaps to see his grandchildren. For Pete’s sake, you maudlin creature, surely you can agree that that fact makes this day far better than the eve of Culloden.
….but I didn’t expect to endure anything of the like again.
But now you *shall* endure it, Beauchamp. Now, you move on.
‘Move on?’ How?…. I can’t even move from this spot.
I blinked hard up at the ceiling, fists and teeth clenched, tears falling. “Damn you, Jamie, how did you bloody do this?”
He’d been so brave—so fucking brave in those final hours under this roof. He’d known that he must send me away, must do so because it was the best chance for me, for our child. He’d touched me; roused me; smiled for me; reassured me; joked and laughed, even, as best he could. He had been strong and HIMSELF, to the end.
And here I was
twenty-odd years later, leaving by the very same route for his sake, for his chance for a good and happy existence, just as genuinely assured in my conviction as he—falling apart.
How had he remained in one piece? How the bloody hell had he managed to say goodbye without even shedding a tear, damn him?
‘I would sleep once more this way—holding you, holding the babe.’
Because he had known for a fact that he would die the next morning. He wouldn’t have to live with that emptiness, with a broken heart, or so he had supposed; and so he’d kept his tears at bay because he knew I would. I had to go on, and so he’d rallied for my sake, presented himself to me as a man calm and at peace, so as not to make my task—my grief, the reality that I would have to be the one to walk away forever—any more excruciating than it already was.
So brave. Strong.
I would do the same for you, Jamie, if it fell to me. I hope I could be strong for you.
But if there were any grace that had been granted to me, in this final, broken chapter of our story, it was that I was spared having to look my love in the eye as I gave him up to a better life;
that I, at least, could let my tears fall freely.
A sudden draft stirred my flimsy skirt, bringing me sharply to awareness. I shivered against the frigid air, mindful through my disorientation of how sharply my knees ached. The light outside had shifted since I entered the cottage. The sun had long since disappeared behind the horizon, leaving only the dim grey-pink of November twilight.
Time, Beauchamp. Walk out the door. Only a quick walk up the hill, and it’s over. No sense in prolonging it any further.
It was time; and I found myself moving with purpose, though not toward the door.
There, at the back wall, in that opening where the boards had long since fallen away, I stood, silent and still. Snowflakes—scattered, sporadic— brushed my cheeks, but I paid them no heed.
The very last place I’d seen him; felt his touch; felt him within me.
The damp, rotten wood felt so soft and smooth under my bare palm. Warm. Living.
‘Name him Brian…for my father.’
“Come find me, will you?” I whispered to the wind, forcing a smile. “When we’re both gone into what comes after, c—”
My throat closed.
I pictured seeing the outline of a tall, etherial figure, in that after-place…and seeing his arm circle around the waist of a small woman; the both of them stretching their arms out toward two little girls, running to them.
Would he even see me?
‘I will find you….
“I shall hold you to it, Jamie Fraser.” I rubbed my thumb once over the plank. “Til then, my love.”
It was a much more strenuous climb than I remembered. The icy, twilight air stung my lungs as I gulped it down, the burning in my muscles only heightening the sensations of grief, of panic, of regret, and loss. I wanted to let myself fall, there on the slope, and weep, just sleep until I vanished into nothing.
But the thought of Bree’s face kept me going up that hill, step after aching step.
You’ll see her, soon.
Only a hundred yards more.
You’d prepared yourself to never see her again, and now you’ll have years and years
Yo I don't like Moffat but i do like the weeping angels. Why r they problematic? (Real question, no hate, luv u)
The problem with the weeping angels specifically is that the rules change every time we see them, directly contradicting information we’ve been given in the past. So while they start as some of the strongest and most interesting monsters in the show, by their third appearance, all their dramatic tension is obliterated and meaningless.
And that is emblematic of Moffat as a whole. Even setting aside is complete inability to write women and minorities with any level of proficiency, he introduces big ~cool~ interesting ideas that he completely fails to follow up on.
Also the world is always ending, but he can’t actually kill a main character to save his own life, so his plots are inherently devoid of meaningful tension.
I'm really upset about the interview. Louis sounds so sad and stressed out, and he's hurting himself with all that smoking 😕He's the one who always defended the band and now he's paying the consequences of angering people in the business while still not being recognized for his talents. It's just unfair, I hate it.
I’m not going to lie, I think it’s an upsetting interview, too.
How he was abused and mistreated since the XFactor and the effect that had on his self-esteem and his confidence is something that he’s mentioned before, and which one could imagine.
And it was obvious how difficult losing his mum, who was also his number one fan and best friend, must have been for him, given their close bond. As well as the fact that him standing up for the band and for all of them has carried such a high price for him.
But there’s knowing and knowing, and having him address it like this is very painful. (The Jay bits in particular are heartbreaking.) And I agree it’s dreadfully unfair.
However, I will say that Louis still has many people who love him and support him, including his devoted fanbase. And he’s incredibly brave and, I believe, the type of person to find joy even in the worst of situations.
And that’s missing in the article. Because, remember, this is an interview with an angle. And though I feel like it’s true, and reveals a very vulnerable part of him that he hasn’t expressed that often, there’s also happiness and love in his life, and accomplishments that I am sure he is proud of, like his songwriting credits, for instance.
I’m not one of those bloggers who will tell you to chill out and that everything is fine, because I don’t believe everything is fine.
This is the starting point, now we see where we go from here. What kind of promo. What happens to his stunts.
And we continue to support him as we can; probably raging and weeping and rejoicing by turns. And we continue to hope that the universe will be kinder to him and that, even in hardship, Louis remains loved and able to find joy in his life.
I want to watch season 3 already bc eruri and kenny but I don't want to watch season 3 bc of erwin's death...
There’s no question that Eruri and Kenny fucking Ackerman are going to be the highlights of Season 3, and oh man, I hope the anime does them justice. I can’t wait to see Levi and Kenny fighting it out on the rooftops and the showdown in the bar.
I still don’t know how much of Shiganshina I’m going to be able to watch though. I really want to see this scene animated, but beyond that….
Damn. Even just capping that scene makes me want to weep.
honestly you're terrible. I mean, not only do you make us wait THREE WHOLE DAYS, you literally just. pull pairings out of thin air and spin them into these gorgeous narratives that leave us weeping into our laptops at four am. like. we aren't fuckin worthy. i honestly don't even give a single solitary fuck about your updating schedule because every time i'm notified about an update from you it's like christmas, no matter what's being posted. bless you, u terrifying avatar of rarepairs.
Thank you! I definitely enjoy chucking my rare pairs out into the depths and seeing who latches on. ‘Tis very satisfying. ;)
You are of no use to us whatsoever, are you? I don't even see why you went to the trouble of being captured, I really don't. What's the point of being a prisoner if you're not going to divulge secret plans to your captors?
Defeats the purpose.
It does indeed, Dexter. What do you have to say for yourself? Are you suitably ashamed? You should be. If I were you, I'd have a good long think about what a disappointment you've been to us. We had high hopes.
Can someone tell me why the fuck there’s such a lack of Saiki Kusuo no Sai Nan fic? DO YOU ALL NOT SEE THE FIC OPPORTUNITIES HERE? Where are my Time-Travel AUs where Saiki goes back in time hoping to regain his peaceful life without his friends only to realize he a) can’t avoid them (It’s set in stone by fate or whatever) or b) he doesn’t want to, and he admits to himself he likes having friends? Where’s there Saiki angst fic about Saiki’s apathy or how he can’t fall in love due to his x-ray vision? Damn it, where are the crossovers! At this point, I’ll even accept a Harry Potter crossover. But like? No crossovers with Bnha, OPM? MP100????
No AU’s with personality swaps or fics about Saiki having a breakdown or even fucking Kaidou unlocking powers or something?
Ooh.. you know what would be really cool? A fic where Dark Reunion is actually real, which could turn out to be horribly tragic or hilariously funny with Kaidou being like “Ha! Told you!” and then cowering, kinda like Usopp. Or those zombie AUs you see in abundance in other fandoms but Saiki just kind of comes in and quickly ends it.
To be fair, there’s a little bit on ff.net and ao3 and a couple of them are damn good! But damn it! The community for it is so good and I want to weep over their Saiki fic!
I’m gonna have to start writing all these myself, aren’t I? If someone can direct me to where all this fic is being held I would be immensely appreciative.
it's a story about having to choose between your best friend and your boyfriend
female main character 1 (agatha):
everyone says i'm ugly
female main character 2 (sophie):
you're not ugly or nasty you're super cool and i hang out with you all the time and you're basically my only friend and vice versa even though we have very few interests in common we just have this magnetism that's ridiculously strong haha isn't that super-platonic?
omg sophie you're so beautiful i am struck dumb by your beauty even when you're transformed into a fox
hey so agatha i've been having dreams about you and i'm obsessed with you and your face is all i see when i sleep
but it's totally because you're my nemesis
okay now I'm going to spend the entire last third or so of the book being ridiculously jealous of the guy who suddenly likes you
i don't even want to be at this stupid school i want to be back home with galinda
i mean sophie
bOYS ARE ICKY [repeat for the entire book except a little bit at the end]
oh no sophie is dead
i will hold her body close to me and weep and cradle her tenderly and kiss her
hello yes i'm alive now because true love's kiss
"who needs princes in our fairytale?"
THAT'S A DIRECT QUOTE AND THAT IS ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENS IN THE SCENE I KID YOU NOT
nothing has ever made me cry more than ptolemy's gate. the ending obviously had me weeping like a madwoman but the bartimaeus/ptolemy arc and the alexandria parts had me actually bawling my eyes out. i don't want to and will never forget these books. they are not just children's fairytales but a journey of laughs, tears, sort of not liking a character and seeing them redeem their true selves. it was a ride and it was beautiful and i will always remember it. it was so much that was needed in a trilogy and constituted purely platonic relationships. maybe that's why it's not more famous but i'd choose bartimaeus any day over any ya novels.the whole story is just so ... i'm at a loss of words. there's not really a safe haven for our nat like hogwarts or camp half-blood and any comfort he had like mrs underwood or ms lutyens were taken away from him. he became a creature he didn't really want to be and bart saw all those changes but he still saw the good in him, still saw the brightness of the ptolemy he had lost all those years ago. and then, kitty was a whole another dynamic. her friendship with jakob, her hatred of the magicians, her participation in the resistance. it takes a lot knowing that what you set your entire life to was a false hope. and kitty and bart. there was so much that bart saw in kitty that reminded him of ptolemy and you know one of the most important things in the entire series is the ptolemy/bartimaeus bond. his intentions were the best and bartimaeus took time to understand that but he DID and that's why he loved him. loved him as a person who was the first to be different and recognise each and every soul. like seriously, if you haven't yet read it GO READ BARTIMAEUS. i promise it will be a rollercoaster and it WILL be heartbreaking but completely worth it. you're missing out on a lot, so please I IMPLORE YOU, READ THIS WONDERFUL SERIES.
Did you ever finish the Heathers comic thing for Victorious by P!atD? I thought it was really cool, and it said in the caption that you would try and complete it, but I don't see it anywhere on your blog! (The rest of your art is awesome though :D)
Good gosh I am so SO sorry. No I never got to finish it, and I CRY. I’m so happy people liked it. Such a positive response was beyond unexpected for my silly music shenanigans. Work-work completely derailed my time for personal work. I do have some of the unfinished bits still. let me see…
And that’s as far as I got. I wanted to make it a gif and everything but…*weeps* FORGIVE THIS ONE!!!
For the record, if anyone out there would like to pick it up where I left off that would be AWESOME.
Thank you for asking! And enjoying my art! And for being so cool! <3 <3 <3
Hello! I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you, but do you still have interest in the scene kid AU? The reason why I was asking is because there's now NDRV3 (of course, be wary of spoilers), and I was wondering how you would depict the new cast members (especially Gonta, since he's actually my fav!). You can totally delete this if you don't want to do this btw!! On a side note, i played the Enstars fangame, and I loved it so much! You did a great job on it!!!
No bother at all! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ I love scene kid au everytime i see or think about it weEP, also thank you sO MUCH im glad you enjoyed the game (*´꒳`*)
As for the NDRV3 kids (as wary of spoilers as im trying to be) id like to do some designs for them theyd all be so cute ahh but since gonta is your fav i think hed be something like this