but i do think that he cares for both loki and thor and i think he just figured that it was best not to tell loki where he came from so

The List (Part One)

A/n: OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SORRY! This ended up being very personal (tbh it should just be called Why G has anxiety) all italics are flashbacks. Also, this is written differently than the other fics I’ve written, so I hope you like it! -G

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of self-hate, anxiety, swearing?

Originally posted by the-lokis-queen

———————————————————————————————————–

It was strange, going through her things without her there. He would’ve asked permission but he couldn’t. She’d been gone for a month or so, and the god hated to admit it but he missed her, and he needed something to remind him of her. So he started going through some boxes in their shared closet. After finding an old report card, Loki figured that he was digging through the girls old school books. Pulling out a few notebooks he leafed through the pages of old writing. Stories she wrote as a child and something about a land for zebras to live happily. The god chuckled when he found an old photo of her on, what appeared to be, her first day of school. Her hands gripped the straps of her bag tightly, and she was giving the camera a large, toothy smile.

He continued to flip through the notebooks finding that the stories began to gain more depth and the writing became neater. He examined the girl’s notes in history and the comments she made on her teacher.

“This unit would be so much better if we actually got to learn about mythology" he read “not like Mr. V would know shit about that either the only thing he knows about Vikings is the football team.”

Loki smiled again, he somehow always forgot that she enjoyed the bedtime stories told about him.

He continued to smile as he read on about the horrible Mr. V and how this man somehow made her hate history class more than math. Her hatred for her teacher became more apparent as there were fewer notes and more doodles covering the lined paper. His smile didn’t fade until he flipped through a few empty pages finding one that was full among them.

“Things That Bother Me” he read. Her handwriting had matured again, and it was as if he was reading a poem she’d written him yesterday.

  1. The way I look

The god was confused, the two of them had been dating for about a month. He figured that was a miracle on its own, but she seemed to be growing distant.

“Is everything alright?” he asked her one night

“Yeah,” she shrugged “everything is fine. Why?”

“You just seem,” Loki paused looking for the right words “different,”

Her face grew pale, and she looked down at her lap “I’m alright,” she stated

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” he asked

“I dunno,” she sighed “I just, why me?”
“What do you mean why you?” the trickster questioned

“Why did you choose me?” you asked “There are far better-looking women in the world and you picked me,”

“Darling, the way I see it, you are the most beautiful woman on this planet,” he assured her

“Thanks,” she smiled weakly

Loki sighed “Who made you think you weren’t beautiful.”

She shrugged again “I dunno, me I guess,”

“Well you are unbelievable,” he said, “and you have the best ass in all the nine realms.”

She chuckled “I knew you were only here for my butt,”

“That amongst other things,” the god’s eyes darkened

“Do tell,” she smirked

Loki’s mind raced with the memories of that night. Thinking back it was the first time she’d opened up to him, the first time her anxiety had leaked through the shield she put up around herself.

    2.   I’m talentless

Loki frowned, how could she think she was talentless? She had done so many amazing things.

The trickster peered over her shoulder trying to see what was drawn out on the pad in front of her. It looked like a bunch of shapes to him, but she’d gone through several papers.

“What are you doing?” he asked sitting next to her on the sofa

“Nothing,” she replied making wild movements with her hand on the paper

“What are these?” he questioned uncrumpling the papers next to him

“Aren’t you just full of questions?” she said taking the papers from him

“I’m just curious,” he responded sneaking a piece of paper away and hastily unfolding it “that’s me,”

“It’s not good,” she said

“It’s amazing,” he responded

She narrowed her eyes “I’ve seen better,”

“Well, I like it,” Loki confessed, “maybe I’ll show Thor?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” she said “not that one,”

“There are others?” he questioned

“What do you think I’m working on right now?” she said

It took a few hours, but that was the last paper she used that night. A day or so later Loki saw her sitting on the sofa with a blank page in front of her.

“Did you finish the last one?” he asked

“Kinda,” she said “I don’t really like it,”

“Do you ever?” he questioned taking the pad from her and flipping to the picture. It was one of the best drawings he’d seen. It was as if he was staring at a picture she’d taken

“What don’t you like?” he asked

“The shading is all wrong” she responded

“I see,” he replied carefully removing the picture from the pad

“What are you doing?” she questioned taking the pad away from him

“I’m taking this,” he stated, “I look like a king.”

“That’s the point,” she smiled “you really like it?”

“The only thing it’s missing is a crown,” Loki commented

“Gimme,” she replied taking the drawing from him and doodling something on it. When she handed it back, the god noticed a small crown floating above his head.

“Much better” he smirked

    3.   I think things that aren’t true

He found her curled in a ball in her closet, tears stained her cheeks. The god didn’t know what to do, should he comfort her? Should he leave her? Maybe she just needed to be alone, or maybe she needed someone there but couldn’t ask. He didn’t enter the closet, but he sat down in the doorway if she needed someone she had someone, but if she didn’t the girl could easily ignore him. He noticed her sobs begin to quiet, like she was holding her breath, trying to hide.

“It’s just me,” he called softly

Her breath hitched, and he could see her curl tighter in the closet.

“Do you want me to come in?” Loki asked

“N-no” she muttered “yes…”

The god frowned and crawled into the closet and pulled the girl into his arms. He didn’t ask her anything he just held her if she needed to talk he was there but if she didn’t want to, there was no pressure.

“Y-you weren’t supposed to see this,” she paused “see this me.”

“It’s alright love,” he assured “I understand,”

“I’m sorry,” she cried

“For what?” the god asked pulling her closer

“For- for not telling you,” her breathing became more sporadic “for not being, being who you thought I was”

“Darling it’s alright,” he said calmly “I promise, just breathe ok?”

She nodded trying to calm herself and breathe with him. That night she fell asleep in his arms, they both slept in the closet.

   4.   I’m not a nice person

Loki looked at the words, again and again, he could actually understand this one, sort of. Y/n did have a tendency to snap at people or be sassy, and sometimes she was rude, but she always had a reason. Generally, if you didn’t piss her off, she was kind and usually caring.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” she scowled

“Don’t what?” Tony asked

“Don’t act like you’re better than him,” she said, “don’t act like you haven’t made your fair share of mistakes.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t try to kill an entire race or take over the world,” he retorted

“But your robot child did,” she countered

“He’s not my child, and Bruce helped too,” Tony stated

“Bro,” Bruce said looking up from his papers

“He didn’t want to help,” she replied “besides Ultron was your idea,”

“Well I’m not inherently evil like him,” Tony said

You groaned “He is not inherently evil, I figured you’d understand him, try to at least get along with him but no.”

“Why should I?” he asked

“Because he’s going to be living here and you can’t just ignore him, and you can’t be a dick to him,” you answered

“Aww,” he pouted “don’t want me to hurt his ego?”
“No, I don’t want to hurt yours,” the girl glared

“Sweetheart,” Tony started before Bruce cut him off

“Bad idea man” he called from his desk

“I thought you weren’t getting involved” Tony called back

“As much fun as it is to watch her kick your ass I don’t want to clean it up again,” Bruce replied

“Just try to be nice to him,” she said

“Fine,” he paused “but if he’s an ass.”

“You’re going to be the better person,” you finished for him and walked out.

Loki may not have been the argument, but Thor had told him to go to you if he had issues with everyone and he soon learned the story. He didn’t understand exactly why you stood up for him without knowing him yet, but he had to admit it was a nice change.

    5.   I have no friends

That was a blatant lie, in fact, she was out with her friends now. Not just her friends her family. Loki wanted to delve into this list a bit further, use it as a way to help. That was if he could help if she wanted his help. But as he was about to read the next item on the page her voice rang through the air. She wasn’t due back for another day, the mission must’ve been easier than they thought.

“Loki?” She asked he rushed to shove the notebook back where he found it and pull out a photo album knowing he wouldn’t have enough time to put away the box.

“I didn’t know you looked this cute as a baby?” he said as she walked through the door her cheeks flushed red

“What are you doing,” she asked

The god merely shrugged putting the photo album back along with the box it came from.

“You were gone an awfully long time, darling,” he said

“Aww, you missed me” she teased

“I did not” he stated

“Did too” she sang walking out of the room “how about we fix that with a movie?”

“As you wish” Loki called getting up from his spot in the closet

“Just for that we’re watching The Princess Bride” she smiled.

It was hard for Loki to believe that she couldlook and seem this happy after what he had just read. He figgured that after reading eb=ven just part of the note he’d see all the things he missed before but she hid it so well. No wonder no one knew what was really going on in the girls mind.

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A/n: I hope you guys liked it! Part 2 should b out next week? I am so sorry it took me so long! -G

A Warrior’s Life

TITLE: A Warrior’s Life

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter TFourteen

AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine Viking Loki coming to your village, raiding and pillaging, before deciding there is something about you that intrigues him and deciding to take you back to Asgard with him. There, you are forced to learn a new life and language, and though you hate what has happened to you, you learn that Loki is not as bad as you think.

RATING: Mature.


At first, Maebh thought Loki’s actions had been a spur of the moment idea to try and convince her to stay, but when she returned to the house, every time Loki got her alone, he seemed to find a reason to glide a hand against her, or steal a small kiss. Initially, she was quite wary of his attentions and their meaning, but soon she came to enjoy them as she realised them to be genuine.

For his part Loki could not have been happier, the affections he gave Maebh felt so natural and easy. With Aslaug, he did it only because it was expected, or on occasion, he did it to try and force himself to try and feel something for the woman. However, Maebh’s reaction mixed with his constantly increasing feelings for her made him yearn for her more and more. He ensured to not let Nafi see anything, for the time being, he did not want to upset the boy if it did not work out, or for him to tell anyone before he had a chance to speak with his family regarding the matter.

Three weeks after the argument and the subsequent kiss, Nafi was outside watching the farmhands as they worked, while Maebh was inside preparing food for the dinner, Loki came in from doing work with the horses and cleaned his hands before standing behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning in to kiss her neck, she naturally leant her head over to give him more access.

Keep reading

A Warrior’s Life

TITLE: A Warrior’s Life

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter Ten

AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine Viking Loki coming to your village, raiding and pillaging, before deciding there is something about you that intrigues him and deciding to take you back to Asgard with him. There, you are forced to learn a new life and language, and though you hate what has happened to you, you learn that Loki is not as bad as you think.

RATING: Mature.

Loki smiled in response to his brother’s question.

“So, better then?” The older man asked.

“Very much so, Nafi no longer fears her return and the farmhands can be heard joking around the lands as they work just as hard if not harder,” Loki answered.

“And you, brother?”

Keep reading

Is This Love That I Found

TITLE: Is This Love That I Found

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: One Shot- Loki’s surprise! And no, it’s not that I’m pregnant again! Pt 1

AUTHOR: wastingallmytimeonyour-smile

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being in an arranged marriage with Loki. You aren’t too unhappy about it, but he is and is at times rude to you. You two argue and bicker a lot before you both begin to fall in love.

RATING: PG 13, M for Pt 2

NOTES/WARNINGS: Another quick one shot, now to my school work I go! I hope you all enjoy! Oh, and just a heads up, the next one shot, which will be a continuation of this one, is going to be very, very explicit! 

***

I had given birth to our second pair of twins not too long ago, Liela and Layla.

They were 3 months old now, 3 months and 1 week to be exact. Two beautiful little princesses that were just as beautiful as their handsome father. Both had his big green eyes and raven hair.

All of our children looked like Loki had had them on his own. No trace of my was in them, besides maybe my moodiness, but Loki was moody too so…

Keep reading

TITLE: I Guess This is Growing Up

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 7

AUTHOR: The-stuttering-kiwi
 
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being another child that Odin has brought back to Asgard to raise along side Thor and Loki.  Thor is always the older brother but even from a young age there is no denying the connection between you and Loki.

RATING: General

NOTES/WARNINGS: None I think

One thousand miles away

There’s nothing left to say

But so much left that I don’t know

We never had a choice

This world is too much noise

It takes me under

It takes me under once again

I don’t hate you

I don’t hate you no

Rise Against - Savior

When Sigrun woke up the next morning she knew it was late, and as her heart sunk she also realized she had missed the send-off ceremony. Trying to convince herself that Odin and Thor wouldn’t care and that she would have preferred to chew glass than see Loki after last night, she pulled the covers back over her head.

Keep reading

Axel

“It’s not my proudest moment,” he says, not meeting Tony’s eye in a way that kind of scares him.

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“…”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Tony insists, reaching out for those fragile looking hands. “I’ve seen all sides of you, and i’m still here. I’m here for all of your proudest moments and your major fuck ups.”

When Loki doesn’t answer him, he adds, “unless said fuck up is murdering me. I’m not here for that.”

“Anthony…” Loki breathes, finally meeting his gaze with that complicated expression that Tony still can’t categorize properly. Is he happy? Is he mad? God only knows. Literally.

“What?” Tony smiles innocently at him. “You don’t seriously think i’m going to stand by and let you gut me, do you?”

“You do not honestly think I would gut you, do you?”

“Maybe, if I pester you enough about that time with the lime-green sock and your—”

Nails dig into the palms of Tony’s hands in warning, making him giggle, because Tony has those things called callouses so good luck with that, and because Loki was hardly even trying.

Oh yeah, he was totally feeling threatened.

“You swore not to speak of that anywhere where those two may listen in.”

“I promised no such thing,” Tony replies, then winces when the nails dig in deeper, and quickly makes to amend himself. “Oh, yeah, right, I did say that. Yep. So, about this not-so-proud moment?”

Loki lets out another breath, this time some foreign-alien-probably-swear-word sliding out with it. His gaze hasn’t drifted away or lowered in shame again, which is a little more reassuring since Loki doesn’t usually do that. He meets you head on, challenges you even when he’s dead fucking wrong.

So to see the god duck his head, hide his eyes behind his hair, to shuffle his feet like a toddler caught climbing on top of the fridge was… okay, maybe that’s a bad example, Tony was an odd baby.

The point was, this kind of reaction from the one and only Loki, God of ‘Don’t Give a Fuck’ was absolutely terrifying.

So when Loki begins to talk, Tony sits right down and gives the nervous looking man his actual full-on attention.

“I have lived proudly, I shan’t deny that,” he admits, looking down at his thin fingers that had, at some point, curled around Tony’s instead of digging into his palms.

“I have lived less so, of course, under certain thumbs of powerful beings. A father, a king, a war lord…”

“SHIELD,” Tony adds with distaste.

Loki spares him a smile.
“The lesser of three evils.”

“Depends on the evils.”

“Odin? Th… Thanos? I should think they rate higher,” Loki points out, his lips pinched and white.

Tony stares at him, unblinking, mutters an, “You win,” and nods for him to continue.

But Loki doesn’t, not for a while. He sits back, keeping their hands connected, and stares down at Tony with another unreadable expression. Tony was undoubtably the best at reading Loki’s moods, next to Thor, who was the best at misinterpreting them, but the god still succeeded to hide everything in times likes these.

It was the small shift in posture, a drop of tension from his shoulders, that told Tony that Loki was about to dish it out at last.

“When I was younger, I believed strongly in justice. No—” Loki puts up a hand to silence him, “—not your mortal sense of justice. Something more… Ah, well, primitive, by one’s usual standards. I believe you once called it 'an eye for an eye’?”

Tony nods, more to himself than anything. He vaguely remembers that conversation, the sex afterward being much more memorable.

And eye for an eye, indeed.

“I believed in a balance, much more literal than your society’s systems have chosen. There was the people, the spirits, the politics, the power, and the truth.” Loki pauses, lips forming an odd smile with an old sadness to it. “Truth above all, and the rest trickled down to the things of a lesser importance. Politics had always been at the bottom of my tower, and along side it, people.”

“People weren’t important to you?”

“People did not provide this Justice accurately.,” corrects Loki. “Politics fail the balance, people abuse it, souls are lost to it, power corrupts it, and truth… truth was its only shining star amongst the murk. Because truth could always be balanced.”

At Tony’s incredulous snort, Loki pulls him closer and touches their hands to his chest.

“Truth is raw,” he says. “Do you feel my heart beating? That is truth. There is no lie in the most basic forms of life. A tree grows, snow falls on a mountain top, animals fight and eat and mate. These things thrive on their honesty, and are a part of the balance that we will never achieve… because we lie.”

“But aren’t you, like, the 'God of lies’? What are you telling me here?”

“I’m telling you my gravest mistake, Anthony. My largest 'fuck up’.”

“Go on…”

With a sharp sigh that sounded no where near relaxed, Loki begins more slowly.

“One day, many, many years ago, while I still believed in balance and truth above all else, I met an elf. He was no one special, in the end, simply a pivot on which my life would turn, but his name was Trill and he was clever.

He also found great amusement in this little, naive prince wandering out in the world, and decided to show him how to manipulate it to suit his needs.”

Loki clears his throat and glances away again.

“I have never told anyone this, and I wish to never have to repeat it again. So listen well, and I… can only hope you remain as you are. As I said, truth is balance when on equal ground. But even then, it can still destroy.”

“Would you just tell me already?” Tony huffs, freeing one hand to tip Loki’s head back to face him. “This was probably eons before I was even born, why would I care?”

“Because this is where that side of me came from.”

“The 'side’ of you that’s a part of you that I already know about and have gotten over along with the window throwing, almost-Coulson-killing, city ruining, poison-coffee-ing, lime green sock—”

“Stop it.”

And he does, but he smiles at Loki with more confidence than the god seems to expect. In fact, he really was under the impression Tony was going to up and leave him over whatever this was. It was equal parts fascinating and disturbing.

Oh well, he thinks, the truth will set you free. Or balance you, or whatever.

“I was told, by this elf, that things were not as it seemed. That a tree could lie, healthy bark hiding a rotten core. That animals could disrupt the balance, taking a life in needless violence…” His voice softens to nearly a whisper. “A father eating his young, for example.”

Tony’s heart does a painful thudding thing in his chest, and his grip tightens around Loki’s hands.

“Loki…”

“I told you he was a pivot, but I did not say that was the moment my life pivoted,” Loki says with a pained smile. “It wasn’t until that faithful day in the weapons vault, with my skin just changed back to what I knew to be my own, that I saw it. I saw that ugly, broken world at last, and I embraced it fully.”

“You lied before, though,” Tony interrupts. “You told me this before, you tricked the Frost Giants to break into Asgard or whatever.”

“Yes, I lied a lot, even as a child,” Loki agrees, shrugging awkwardly. It was a habit he seemed to be picking up from Tony—to both his horror and pride—and was slowly working it into his repertoire of gestures.

“I lied to complete the balance. A mound of gold for a girl? No, too unbalanced. Her life meant more and Odin thought not. But for the Ring? Yes, the Ring was worthy of her life, and so it was because I interfered. Was Thor ready for the throne? Was this an equal price to pay; his nativity, that would tear our realm apart, weighed against his honor?

I thought not.

A realm is not worth Thor’s trust, and certainly not his pride.”

Tony hums in agreement, finally beginning to understand where this was going.

“No wonder we get along. It really is an eye for an eye, or, you know, a ring for a girl, a back-stabbing, murdering, son of a bitch father figure for world sort-of-peace.”

“And Pepper,” he adds quickly, ignoring the way Loki’s eyes narrow at her name. Three years and he still did that, greedy much?

“Yes, we do share the same… Priorities at times. Myself, of course, having pivoted once again.”

“Oh?” Tony muses, wiggling his body a little. “Did a little personal do-si-do?”

At that, Loki smirks and leans in, yanking Tony nearly into his lap.

“No, I met you. I had gone beyond the balance and into a spiral of irreparable destruction and chaos. I had lost sight of truth and beauty and you, Tony Stark, showed up and told me the truth.”

“I did?”

You have no throne here,” Loki drawls. “Sound familiar?”

“A little more Shakespeare, but yeah, I was threatening you.”

“You were honest,” the god remarks, sliding his hands free to wrap around Tony’s back. “You told me why I was wrong, you walked up to me, foolishly, and told me I would lose… and I did.”

“So I was a pivot… Because I threatened you and you threw me out a window and went off to stab Thor and, sorry babe, lostmagnificently?”

“If you must put it in such simplistic terms, then yes, you were and still are, a turning point in my life.”

Tony lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding, and hides his face in Loki’s neck. It was his favorite hiding technique, perfect thanks to hight differences, and also because this way he could admit things without facing Loki head on.

Like the coward that he was.

“I’m here for this,” he whispers, hating how wobbly his voice sounds.

“You are here?” Loki replies, sounding equally as shaken, if not surprised. “I fear it is a rather grand responsibility, being so transformative.”

“I can handle it, you should have seen my metamorphosis. This isn’t even my final form.”

“Norns, what is?” Loki chuckles in his ear, lips brushing against the sensitive skin below it.

Tony thinks while he snuggles into Loki’s body to get comfortable. The god shifts, unasked, and suddenly it’s perfect and nothing’s in the wrong place.

Like puzzle pieces.

No, cogs working together in the grand machine.

“Probably a giant moth,” he mutters, eyes closing as Loki huffs with laughter.

He doesn’t reply, and he doesn’t need to.

They were just balanced like that.