but i do miss the snow

anonymous asked:

Hey, I was rereading the books recently and in light of the show very clearly setting up Sansa in charge of the North, am I mistaken or is that not really a thing in the books? I see Sansa setup doing something courtier like, not being an out and front wardeness/queen/leader whatever. Am I mistaken? Is there foreshadowing that I missed in the books for Sansa ruling the North?

No, not really. When Sansa had references to queendom it was always relational to the south. Most people point out the snow castle scene in the Vale to ascribe some northern power to Sansa, but I believe they are missing the most significant part: Robert and his “giant” destroy it. That’s symbolic, not just in the moment but for the future as well. Her idealization of a perfect Winterfell is just a dream, and someone - a giant - is going to wreck her chances/progress of rebuilding her home. The “giant” is generally thought to be Littlefinger or Robert, whose deaths Sansa will be instrumental in carrying out or intrinsically tied to.

But as for legitimate chances of Sansa ruling the North? Well, let’s look at what would have to happen. First of all, Jon, Bran, and Rickon would all have to die. They’re males, and they have preference in the line of inheritance and the will. Arya would then have to die, considering she probably comes before the disinherited Sansa in Robb’s will. That she will be the only living Stark left when, A) four living total, B) she was not included in the key five, and C) she was the last Starkling created does not work.

Okay, but what if all her siblings are dead? Well first, the northern lords would have to ignore Robb’s last will and testament. Then they would have to trust someone who is married to a Lannister, wanted for kingslaying (that’s a serious crime despite their hatred for Joffrey), raised by a southern septa, no northern political experience, lied about the murder of the Lady of the Vale, has been posing as the daughter of Littlefinger, and will likely be a kinslayer too (assisting in Sweetrobin’s demise by following Petyr’s insistence and plans) by the end of the series. I don’t see them allowing her power unless they insist on a firm and trustworthy regent to rule in her place for a long time. If she couldn’t carry out what they expected of their leader - basically everything that Ned did - they probably wouldn’t allow her the absolute power either, choosing instead to educate her, sit her behind a regent, or replace her with another Stark descendant. 

Personally I think the Starks are returning to a time when their magic and power was at its best. Sansa lost that part of her soul when Lady was killed, and I just don’t see one of the wolflike Starks not sitting that throne when it’s time. There are a lot of possibilities for Sansa’s story, but Queen in the North doesn’t seem to be one of them.

A brief and ugly summary of surviving cold climates

For visitors and writers alike.

  1. You were never meant to be here. Never forget this. You are an ape of the equator, built to run the savannah and swim in tropical waters. Whatever terms and conditions your body has, they are void here. Mother nature never certified to function in a Death World.
  2. Enduring the cold is never a matter of “how much” as much at it is “how long”. Think of it as the water levels of the vieogames you have played. No matter what equipment enables you to remain longer, you can’t stay there indefinitely. The coat that keeps you warm and toasty for three hours in -15 is enough to keep you functional for an hour of -40.
  3. Whatever the locals say, listen to them. Err to the side of caution if you must. You may not endure what they can endure, but you SURE AS FUCKING NOT cannot survive what they say cannot be endured.
  4. That being said, alcohol is a filthy fucking liar and so is anyone who offers it to you. The warmth it gives is an illusion, and a sign of damage. You are worse off feeling comfortable with a mouthful of whiskey as you are freezing your gonads off stone cold sober.
  5. Winter tires. Studded winter tiers are a MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH when you drive on a frozen road. That being said, whatever the locals tell you that your car will need to run as theirs do, take it. Taking the risk of being pranked is worth survival, and you can always stab their tires in the spring if they were shitting you.
  6. Eat. For the love of god, make sure that you eat. Heavier meals might be unpalatable at first for someone used to lighter nutrition, but maintaining bodily warmth in a cold climate takes up a lot of energy, and you will feel tired and drowsy for a long while shile your metabolism adjusts to producing more heat than Mother Nature ever intended. The skinny people in your party are especially vulnerable, ensure their well-being on a regular basis.
  7. If you have a smartphone/other essential technology on your body, keep them close to your body to keep them warm. They were not designed to be frozen any more than you were.
  8. Sleep is death. SLEEP IS DEATH. Never, ever stop to rest in the cold, if you do not have the means to make a fire/otherwise produce heat. The cold tires you out because keeping warm takes energy, but taking a rest will not return your energy. If you feel the need to sit down and rest because you are tired because of the cold, call for help. This is not a hyperbole, if you feel like you are too tired to go on in a cold climate, CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE. If you fall asleep in the snow, you will not wake up. Hypothermia can and will literally kill you.
  9. Avoid skin-to-snow-contact if you can. It hurts because you were not supposed to do it. Consider ice to be like acid. Touching is bad for you.

Feel free to add to the list if you feel like I missed something.

[TRANS] SPRING DAY - BTS

Miss you
saying this makes me miss you more
i miss you even though im looking at your photo
time is so cruel, i hate us
seeing each other for once is so hard between us

it’s all winter here even in August
my heart is running on the time alone on the snowpiercer
i wanna get to the other side of the earth holding your hand 
wanna put an end to this winter
how much longing should we see snowing down to have the days of spring, friend

like the tiny dust like tiny dust floating in the air
will i get to you a little faster if i was the snow in the air 

snowflakes fall and get away little by little
i miss you i miss you
how long do i have to wait
and how many sleepless nights do i have to spend
to see you to meet you 

passing by the edge of the cold winter
until the days of the spring 
until the flowers blossom
please stay, please stay there a little longer

is it you who changed or is it me?
i hate this moment that this time flows
we are changing you know, just like everyone you know 
yes i hate you, you left me 
but i never stopped thinking about you, not even a day
honestly i miss you but ill erase you
cuz it hurts less than to blame you

i try to exhale you in pain like smoke, like white smoke
i say that ill erase you but i cant really let you go yet

snowflakes fall and get away little by little
i miss you i miss you
how long do i have to wait
and how many sleepless nights do i have to spend
to see you to meet you

you know it all, youre ma best friend
the morning will come again 
no darkness, no season can last forever

maybe its cherry blossoms and this winter will be over 
i miss you i miss you 
wait a little bit, just a few more nights
ill be there to see you, ill come for you 

passing by the edge of the cold winter
until the days of the spring
until the flowers blossom
please stay, please stay there a little longer

10

my fave tweets about beyond the wall (7x06)

[7x01] [7x02 part 1] [7x02 part 2] [7x03] [7x04] [7x05] [7x07]

Ask me my top threes:
  • 1: Top 3 ice cream flavors
  • 2: Top 3 Disney Movies
  • 3: Top 3 vacation destinations
  • 4: Top 3 places to shop
  • 5: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take
  • 6: Top 3 make up products
  • 7: Top 3 music artists
  • 8: Top 3 spices/herbs
  • 9: Top 3 drinks
  • 10: Top 3 apps to use
  • 11: Top 3 months of the year
  • 12: Top 3 clothing items
  • 13: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows
  • 14: Top 3 romantic dates
  • 15: Top 3 kinds of flower
  • 16: Top 3 christmas movies
  • 17: Top 3 OTPs
  • 18: Top 3 quotes to describe your life
  • 19: Top 3 characteristics you love about yourself
  • 20: Top 3 kinds of candy
  • 21: Top 3 ways to exercise/ be active
  • 22: Top 3 spirit animals
  • 23: Top 3 petnames
  • 24: Top 3 books read outside of school
  • 25: Top 3 most used websites
  • 26: Top 3 people you last texted
  • 27: Top 3 hashtags you use
  • 28: Top 3 instagram accounts you follow
  • 29: Top 3 guilty pleasures
  • 30: Top 3 summer activities
  • 31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle
  • 32: Top 3 aesthetics
  • 33: Top 3 things you'd buy if you gained three million dollars
  • 34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself
  • 35: Top 3 celebrity crushes
  • 36: Top 3 books from your childhood
  • 37: Top 3 accents to hear
  • 38: Top 3 scents
  • 39: Top 3 "Friends" quotes
  • 40: Top 3 cupcake flavors
  • 41: Top 3 fruits
  • 42: Top 3 places you've had amazing pizza from
  • 43: Top 3 sports teams to watch
  • 44: Top 3 crayola colors
  • 45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college
  • 46: Top 3 fanfictions you've read
  • 47: Top 3 people you miss right now
  • 48: Top 3 fears
  • 49: Top 3 favorite literary devices
  • 50: Top 3 pet peeves
  • 51: Top 3 physical things you find attractive
  • 52: Top 3 bad habits
  • 53: Top 3 pets you've had/wish to have
  • 54: Top 3 types of foreign food
  • 55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime
  • 56: Top 3 dog breeds
  • 57: Top 3 cheesy romance movies
  • 58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak
  • 59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television)
  • 60: Top 3 pizza toppings
  • 61: Top 3 youtubers you're subscribed to
  • 62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas
  • 63: Top 3 awards you want to win
  • 64: Top 3 emojis
  • 65: Top 3 cars you dream of owning
  • 66: Top 3 authors
  • 67: Top 3 historical figures
  • 68: Top 3 baby names
  • 69: Top 3 DIYs
  • 70: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors
  • 71: Top 3 songs of this month
  • 72: Top 3 questions of this post you want to be asked
  • 73: Top 3 villains
  • 74: Top 3 Cities you want to see
  • 75: Top 3 recipes you want to try
  • 76: Top 3 dream jobs
  • 77: Top 3 lucky items
  • 78: Top 3 traditions you have
  • 79: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid
  • 80: Top 3 harry potter characters
  • 81: Top 3 lies you were told
  • 82: Top 3 pictures in your camera roll right now
  • 83: Top 3 turn ons
  • 84: Top 3 turn offs
  • 85: Top 3 magazines/news papers/ journals to read
  • 86: Top 3 things you wish you had known earlier
  • 87: Top 3 spongebob episodes
  • 88: Top 3 places to be in the world
  • 89: Top 3 things you'd do differently
  • 90: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood
  • 91: Top 3 meals you love
  • 92: Top 3 kinds of tea
  • 93: Top 3 embarrassing moments
  • 94: Top 3 holidays to celebrate
  • 95: Top 3 things to do in the rain
  • 96: Top 3 things to do in the snow
  • 97: Top 3 items you can't leave the house w/o
  • 98: Top 3 movies you'd like to see
  • 99: Top 3 art mediums
  • 100: Top 3 museums you've been to
  • 101: Top 3 school memories
  • 102: Top 3 things you don't/Won't miss
  • 103: Top 3 pick up lines
  • 104: Top 3 sports to watch
  • 105: Top 3 taylor swift songs
MASTERLIST

*  = Smut


Oberyn Martell

Pleasure *

Perfect just the way you are COMING SOON

Changing opinions * COMING SOON

Catching her attention * COMING SOON

Fleeing the city COMING SOON


Sansa Stark

What’s stopping you *
If you insist *
Join me *

I adore you * COMING SOON

True love COMING SOON

Always meant to be w/ Jon COMING SOON

Dominating beauty * COMING SOON

Betrothal and reveals * COMING SOON

Petyr’s intentions w/ Petyr COMING SOON

Benjen Stark

Ranger among the wall COMING SOON

Eddard Stark

First born son

The sword of Arthur COMING SOON

Saving Ned COMING SOON


Lyanna Stark

Creating Jon Snow * w/ Rhaegar Targaryen

Passion lies within w/ Robert Baratheon COMING SOON

Different times * w/ Robert Baratheon & Rhaegar Targaryen COMING SOON


Robb Stark

Naughty girl *
Playing dirty
War is war
As you wish, your grace *
Threesome * w/ Jon Snow
A challenge
Wild, rough and dirty *

Rainy days

Awkward arrangements

A princess in winter * COMING SOON

Bumping into each other * COMING SOON

Proclamation of love COMING SOON

Be careful * COMING SOON

Jealousy isn’t always ugly * COMING SOON

Secrets and orgasms * COMING SOON

Three is a crowd * COMING SOON

Daddy kinks gone wild * COMING SOON

The Greyjoy of Winterfell * COMING SOON

Bran Stark

A vision in white COMING SOON

Possessive instincts COMING SOON 

Magic Mouth * COMING SOON

Sleepy words COMING SOON

Rainbow after the star COMING SOON 

Jon Snow

Ghost or snowy  

Formalities

Threesome * w/ Robb Stark

I can handle it *

The brothel *

Elevator trips

The Ice Queen Part 1

Outstanding mouth sills

The Ice King Part 2 COMING SOON

Restored peace * COMING SOON

Dayne Goddess COMING SOON

Never too much love * COMING SOON

Life long protection COMING SOON

Finally together again COMING SOON

Reunited w/ Catelyn Stark COMING SOON

Thigh desires * COMING SOON

Three is a crowd * COMING SOON

The mother of Jon COMING SOON

Please Miss, punish me * COMING SOON

A Dragon for a Direwolf COMING SOON

Always meant to be w/ Sansa COMING SOON

Secret reunion of siblings * COMING SOON

Margaery Tyrell

Who she belongs to COMING SOON

Robert Baratheon

Different times * w/ Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark COMING SOON

Passion lies within w/ Lyanna Stark COMING SOON

Jaqen H’ghar

“I can’t do it” COMING SOON

A girl is lonely * COMING SOON

Love and adoration * COMING SOON

Catelyn Stark

Reunited w/ Jon Snow COMING SOON

Khal Drogo

Mafia trouble Part One

Peace offering * COMING SOON

Tattoos and flowers COMING SOON

Mafia trouble Part Two COMING SOON

Roose Bolton

From alliance to love * COMING SOON 

Arya Stark

History of lovers COMING SOON

Meera Reed

Travelling can get tedious COMING SOON

Tommen Baratheon

Opposites attract COMING SOON

Making an heir COMING SOON

Petyr Baelish 

Petyr’s intentions w/ Sansa COMING SOON

Theon Greyjoy

Rescue mission COMING SOON

Not completely useless * COMING SOON

Yara Greyjoy

Special dragon * COMING SOON

Daenerys Targaryen

I would never leave you
Anything to make her happy *

Rare diamond *

A gift from a dragon * COMING SOON

Threesome *  w/ Viserys & Rhaegar Targaryen COMING SOON

A true born COMING SOON


Viserys Targaryen

The beginning - PART ONE
Prove you’re worthy - PART TWO
Wake the dragon *

Owning titles

Fiery * COMING SOON

Flirty Dothraki * COMING SOON

Threesome * w/ Daenerys & Rhaegar Targaryen COMING SOON

Daddy Dragon * COMING SOON

Gentle love * COMING SOON

A wedding night to remember * COMING SOON


Rhaegar Targaryen

Creating Jon Snow * w/ Lyanna Stark

Beauty at its finest *

Seduction * COMING SOON

Threesome * w/ Viserys & Daenerys Targaryen COMING SOON

Different times * w/ Robert Baratheon and Lyanna Stark COMING SOON

Runaway love COMING SOON

Ramsay Bolton

Pain and Pleasure *

Playing with fire * COMING SOON

Innocence COMING SOON

Evil never leaves COMING SOON


Jaime Lannister

Up for some fun *

Sugar daddy * COMING SOON

Just a maid? * COMING SOON

Melisandre

A few steps too far * COMING SOON

Sneaking away * COMING SOON

Gregor Clegane

The mountain has a weakness COMING SOON

Tormund Giantsbane

Wilder than a wildling COMING SOON

Not her usual type * COMING SOON

Dolorous Edd

New found fire

Joffrey Baratheon

Forbidden desires

Split personalities COMING SOON

Whores like him COMING SOON

GIF imagines

Robb Stark - Betrayal     - Do you forgive a cheater? COMING SOON

Sansa Stark - Apart

Daenerys Targaryen - Inconvenience

Ramsay Bolton - Reek’s obsession

Jon Snow - Years of travel

Bran Stark - Always COMING SOON


Head cannons

What it would be like to be Robbs wife COMING SOON

Jealous Joffrey would include COMING SOON

Gendry’s wife would include COMING SOON

Text Imagines

Secrets Revealed

Participants

  • Sophie Turner
  • Maisie Williams
  • Y/N LastName

Subject

  • Kit Harington

Confessions - COMING SOON

Participants 

  • Richard Madden
  • Y/N LastName

Subject

  • Arrangements between future lovers 

Preferences

How they react to you being a trained combat fighter

How they react to a variety of goodbyes

How they react to jealousy provoking situations COMING SOON

Game Of Thrones Actors

Natalie Dormer

Sexy surprises * COMING SOON

Richard Madden

Red Wedding COMING SOON

Acting or feeling?* COMING SOON

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

Hot memories and love scenes * COMING SOON

Kit Harington

Tension, Love & Misplaced feelings COMING SOON

Dean Charles Chapman

Extra special COMING SOON

Sophie Turner

Never leave

Other

Peaky Blinders

Fascination - Thomas Shelby

So wrong * - John Shelby COMING SOON

Harry Potter

Accept me or leave - Hermione COMING SOON

Thirteen Reasons Why

Together * - Jeff Atkins COMING SOON

『Learn Korean with Kpop』BTS - Spring Day

보고 싶다 이렇게 말하니까 더 보고 싶다
I miss you, when I say that, I miss you more

보고 싶다: I miss you
-니까: since, because
이렇게 말하니까: since I saying (like) this
더: more

너희 사진을 보고 있어도 보고 싶다
Although I’m looking at your photo, I still miss you

너희: your
사진: photo, picture
을: object particle
보고 있어 (보고 있다): looking at
도: although, even though

Keep reading

youtube

In case you missed it: Rebels PP3 live stream.

Bechloe/Sendrick at those times:

  • 3:25  Brit about Bechloe: “There is no secret”, “We are…we’re whatever.”
  • 8:40 “Kendrick and Brittany will share a room” “But maybe just as friends…”
  • 11:00 Brit on the phone, Rebel: “Are you talking to Kendrick?”
  • 17:50 Rebel to Brit: “Do you have a celebrity crush? Apart from Anna Kendrick?” Brit: “No, that’s it” (confirming it)

If this video ever gets deletes please message me! I have a backup and can re-upload it!

2

• Feb 19 •
How much do I have to miss you
How much does it have to fall like snow
For spring to come
Friend
- Spring Day (BTS)

Ask Memes ;; Sass Edition
  • You can’t fight me, you’re miniature. 
  • Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. 
  • People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
  • Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
  • I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.
  • You know, it only takes four muscles to just extend your arm and bitchslap the twat. 
  • Congratulations on being an awful bitch who’s completely oblivious to the fact that everyone hates you. 
  • Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
  • My business isn’t your business; so unless you’re my thong, don’t be up my arse. 
  • I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times already. 
  • I would retaliate against your snotty remark, but since you resemble a garden gnome, I’d say the joke is on you. 
  • I thought I saw your face on my newsfeed but it turns out it was just a picture of a potato.
  • You want to walk out of my life, there’s the door. Hell, I’ll even hold it open for you. 
  • I don’t do fashion, I am fashion. 
  • Somewhere out there there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breath. I think you owe it an apology. 
  • I’m only single because I’m too sassy for everyone.
  • Bitch please, have you seen me? I’m a princess. 
  • I think, therefore I’m single.
  • Life’s too short to bullshit.
  • If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
  • When in doubt, freak ‘em out.
  • I’d rather die my way than live yours.
  • Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
  • I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
  • It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.
  • Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
  • Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
  • I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
  • If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
I Don't Wanna Live Forever [Connor Murphy x Reader]

Title: I Don’t Wanna Live Forever
Pairing: Connor Murphy x Reader
Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen
Requested: no
Summary: Your family takes an annual trip to the mountains with the Murphy family every year to unwind over the winter break–that being said, Connor Murphy isn’t the sweet kid he used to be, and you’d rather be anywhere else than sharing a room with him for two weeks. However, between your parents, a line of accidents, and a mapless trip in the woods seem determined to bring you together–if you can make it out alive.
Warnings: Connor’s potty mouth | Mentions of drugs, abuse, alcohol, panic attacks, sex trafficking, sex, blood, hospitals | First person reader | face paced/vignette style | not proof read | tenses may change
A/N: Here’s that long ass thing I’ve been working on for weeks and just finished a few minutes ago, ayy. Based entirely off the “Connor hated skiing” line. This is long af with no read more option, sorry :/ Here we go! (THANKS FOR 500+ FOLLOWERS ♡♡♡)


Connor Murphy was a lot of things.

He was stubborn–I’d never seen him admit he was wrong, but I’d definitely seen him throw scrabble pieces across the wooden floor of the cabin, leaving Zoe to scramble red-faced to collect them as he stomped up the oak steps to his room, echoing around the house.

He was annoying–I’d told him once I wasn’t crazy about Iron Maiden, which resulted in the album being on blast for the entirety of the time he drove Zoe and I around the mall in the family’s silver minivan.

He was stoic. He was impatient. He was angry.

I’d begged my parents not to go cabins for winter break. I’d begged them to pick a different mountain range if we were so dead set on skiing. But Mr. Murphy and my mother were business associates, and the last thing she wanted to do was make them feel like we were no longer on good terms–especially because of Connor.

“Larry’s been having an awfully hard time with Connor, sweetheart, you have to understand,” my mother crooned in our rental car, fixing her lip liner as she drove, my father keeping a white knuckled grip on the Jesus handle above his head. “He’s not doing very well in school and he’s been throwing tantrums at home. Poor Cynthia is at her wits end. They’re lucky to have that sweet Zoe, she’s so talented and smart. Poor Connor is jealous and acting out, just try not to rally him up, alright, dear?”

I didn’t dignify her with a response, mostly because I knew she wouldn’t like what I had to say anyway, but also because I knew she wouldn’t care to listen, either. I sighed loudly, watching the snow flurry softly outside the window. It wasn’t fair–here I was in the middle of something so remarkably beautiful, and I’d be shoved in a minivan with the Murphy kids and stuck in the valley town’s 1970s mall with crappy t-shirts and a vape store that Connor would spend all day in.

The cabin was huge, up with a view of the town below, nearly three stories made of solid, stripped oak, in the middle of a winding road with a four percent grade. Half the cabin was supported on beams which plummeted down the mountain face. I’d be lucky to stand on the deck without vomiting, let alone being able to venture into the hot tub.

The Murphy’s minivan was already in the drive, trunk shut, meaning they’d unpacked and I’d be left with whatever miniscule space they’d left for me in the loft area.

“Remember to be nice, sweetheart,” my mother crooned again, fluffing her hair in the mirror and giving me an enthusiastic smile in the rearview. “It’s important! They’re practically family.”

Geez, I was lucky to not have Connor Murphy for a cousin.

Slinging my backpack over my arm and exiting the rental car, I took the liberty to stretch, despite the cold air that stung my cheeks and the snow that fluttered down into my hair. This may very well be the last moment of solitude I had for the entirety of the week, and I was going to revel in it.

A movement caught my eye, suddenly, and I lowered myself off my tiptoes to glance up at the second story window–a curtain fluttered shut. It was most likely Zoe or Connor checking out the commotion that was my father and mother bickering over who carried what into the house, and shutting it once they’d realized I caught them. Feeling vaguely uneasy, I turned just as Larry Murphy, bundled in a parka, burst out of the house to take two suitcases from my father.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

——

Cynthia Murphy made me stand by the kitchen counter as she was stocking the cabinet with neon colored cardboard boxes containing various sugary, pink cereals with marshmallows and prizes inside. The Murphy kids were both picky eaters, I remembered quickly, Connor more so than Zoe.

Mrs. Murphy kept playing with my hair, crowing about how much longer it looked (despite the fact I’d cut it since the last time I’d seen her) and how pretty and grown up I’d become, asking me the usually annoying adult questions (“Any thoughts on schools yet? Oh, Connor can’t decide either! Do you know what you’re going to major in? That’s alright, you’ll figure it out soon!”) It would’ve been annoying, I decided, if and only if she didn’t look so sad all the time, the purple bruising under her eyes visible still underneath the layers of makeup. My mother could say whatever she liked about Cynthia Murphy where her wifely duties were concerned–Mrs. Murphy tried to be a good mother (re: tried, period), and that was more than enough to pass her in my book.

In the background, my parents were settling into the second master bedroom, Larry Murphy yelling at the bottom of the stairs to announce our arrival. I could do without the annual reunion, awkward questions about school. The Murphy kids were tolerable–Zoe definitely more so–but it didn’t mean they had to force us together so artificially.

Zoe skimpered down the stairs first, her soft moccasin boots barely making any sound on the stairs–I was surprised to find her long legs bare, her thighs peeking out beneath a pretty pink chiffon dress, covered by what I hoped to be a faux fur parka. Her pretty auburn hair was curled, pulled back with a polka dot headband I could recognize from her childhood. She was wearing eyeliner, and cotton candy flavored lip gloss I remembered sharing when we were thirteen.

It was such a stark contrast from how I remembered her before. The last I’d seen her she’d been gawky and fifteen with a mouth full of metal and a bra full of kleenex. She was practically grown now, and beautiful–it made me feel slightly subpar in my own blue jeans and blue sweater. Regardless, she smiled brightly and skipped over to me, opening her arms to wrap them around my neck.

“It’s so good to see you!” She exclaimed, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek that shocked me, as well as some others–Larry Murphy’s horrified expression was priceless, and I was convinced Connor put her up to it–but I just laughed and hugged her tightly before letting her go.

“You look so pretty,” I told her with a wry grin, and she just tossed the expression back, nodding with a, “So do you!”

“It’s so good to see you girls are still so close,” my mother tittered, beginning to uncork a glass of wine–we didn’t drink much at my house, but the Murphy’s, I knew, did, and my mother certainly wasn’t going to let that go to waste. “Where’s that sweet boy of yours?”

Larry Murphy at the bottom of the stairs, banging on the oak walls, yelling out, “Connor!” was enough to make both the Murphy women flinch visibly. Zoe still had her arm around my waist as we stared up at the ceiling above us, waiting for the squeak of sneakers on the polished wood.

“Don’t yell.”

Zoe jumped away from me as if she’d been burned, pressing herself against the countertop as if to make herself invisible. Mrs. Murphy, her hand clutched to her chest after the initial nose, fought hard to smile believably. I, myself, had jumped at the unexpected sound–Connor Murphy’s curt tenor clear across the room, no where near the stairs, instead standing the doorway were we had just come from. I couldn't  quite make out his frame from here–there was a line of bodies blocking my view, my parents, Mrs. Murphy, and Zoe all formed a human barrier that constructed the divide between Connor and I. Fine by me.

“There you are!” Mrs. Murphy chirped, clearly still nervous, visibly by her shaking voice and hands, fluffing her hair to give her something to do. “You didn’t miss much, Connor, they’ve just arrived.”

My mother said something unintelligent in way of greeting, to which Conner didn’t reply, just shut the door carefully behind him to keep out the cold air. I couldn’t see his face from here, but I could make out that he was much too still for a teenage boy, much too quiet.

“–You remember her, don’t you, Connor?”

My throat closed up as the Red Sea parted, everyone’s heads turning to look between the two of us.

He didn’t move from the doormat–boots  caked in snow, as if he’d gone for a walk, and the bottoms of his skinny jeans were muddy and slick looking. Still, he didn’t shiver, which was slightly unnerving. He was skinnier than I remembered, like he hadn’t been eating, and his face was all angles. He slouched, his pink mouth which was mottled red from the cold was set in a heavy frown. His eyes, which were scanning somewhere around my waist and hadn’t come anywhere near making eye contact since he’d seen me, had blown pupils. Drugs. He was doing drugs in the middle of the afternoon.

He hadn’t cut his hair since I’d seen him last, brown curls poking out of the bottom of a black sock toboggan with a soft pompom on top. It could’ve been funny, I supposed, his rough puberty finishing to leave him left over with this, something akin to a drugged out vogue model who listened to way too much 2008 Fall Out Boy, if he didn’t seem so…unnervingly somber for someone who clearly wasn’t sober. Geez, this kid was a school shooter in the making.

I glanced back up to find him finally staring at my face, shooting an uncomfortable alertness down my spine. His eyebrows were crooked in vague amusement that didn’t seem to reach his mouth, and I felt my face heat up under his scrutiny. If he was trying to intimidate me, it wouldn’t work. I wasn’t scared of boys like him.

“Yeah, I remember her,” he grinned mirthlessly, stuffing his hands into the gut pocket of his hoodie, giving me a nod that, while meant to appease our parents, also felt like a vague threat. I didn’t smile back.

“Great! Wanna show her the room?”

Connor grinned crookedly. “Follow me, kid.”

——

The upstairs layout was just like I remembered  it–Two rooms, one main one in the first entrance with a king bed tucked in the corner, a TV and a few gaming systems with some furniture in the front, a bathroom with two doors which lead through to the other room, which held the fold out couch and television I was accustomed to using.

The Murphy kids already had their belongs strewn about the room–Zoe’s stuff animals and princess blankets eclipsing most of the bed and an ancient Nintendo DS on the table with SpongeBob stickers on the cover that I’m sure belonged to Connor–and it left me very little room to maneuver through.

Connor was silent as he lead me up, as if I didn’t know the way, but surprised me by stopping in front of the king bed, holding out his arms to signal me.

“Your room, my lady.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “This–this is your bed.”

“Not this year. Dad’s decided it’s a little too Flowers In the Attic for Zoe and I to share a bed this year–I’m on the pull out and you girls get to have your fun.” He shot me a bitter smile to let me know he wasn’t thrilled about having the pull-out–he shouldn’t be, the thing was total garbage–but surely he’d enjoy the privacy of it?

“I don’t care to take the pull-out,” I told him, keeping my bag on my shoulder despite the fact it was beginning to be painfully heavy. “If you wanna–”

“Don’t have a choice,” he said, already turning toward the bathroom to walk to his half of the loft. “The bed’s yours.”

——

So, Connor Murphy had turned out to be a total dick. It should’ve unsurprising information, I knew, but part of me still remembered him as a charismatic kid I was, at one point, friends with. Back when the three of us all slept in the king bed, before any of us ever had a zit, when we’d fall asleep in the floor watching early 1990s Pokémon episodes, because Larry Murphy didn’t like them watching it.

Even the Connor I remembered at fourteen, gangly and silent and shy with close-cropped hair felt better than this. I was past uncomfortable, sitting stiffly between he and Zoe on one of the couches in the living room. There was a faux fur blanket hanging behind us, shedding hairs onto Connor’s black jacket, which would’ve been funny if he wasn’t picking at his nails with a slightly rusted pocket knife–I notice he’d painted them, which I oddly admired. I’d kissed a boy earlier this year who painted his nails, and his palms were always soft when he’d reach up to cup my cheeks. It softened Connor in my head, just slightly.

He was careful, I saw, to stay on his side of the couch, leaning into the apex of the arm and the back of the couch rather  than flush with me, his thin legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle to avoid me. I appreciated it, but it didn’t stop me from leaning forward, my elbows on my knees, sitting on the edge of the cushion. I could still feel warmth radiating from him–it was late, and I was tired with a full stomach. If I wasn’t careful, I’d fall right into him, and he’d never let me live that down.

Zoe practically was asleep, leaning forward as well with her head on my shoulder. Cynthia had let her have nearly two glasses of wine at dinner–not enough to get her drunk, but it didn’t change the fact Zoe was still lithe and young, and easily tipsy.

We’d all gone into town for a very awkward dinner–I was just thankful to be placed between my father and Zoe, in a position on the opposite end of the table from Connor, who was stuck in between Larry and Cynthia, looking as if he were in a permanent time out.

Now we were gathered around the coffee table in the cabin, the seven of us hunched over a tiny photo album that I couldn’t really make out from here. There were fuzzy polaroids of us as children, looking nothing like we did now. Connor and I at six, soaked from romping in a sprinkler. Zoe and Connor sharing a chocolate icecream cone, their faces covered in the brown spatter.

“You were all so small,” Mrs. Murphy crowed with a choked voice, covering half her face with her hand in a faux attempt to eclipse the emotion. “Oh, I miss it. You kids used to spend so much time together! Now we only get together for break, and Zoe is so busy there’s hardly enough time for her to spend quality time with her sweet brother.”

Zoe snorted loudly, earning a glare from Mr. Murphy I was positive I wasn’t supposed to see. I snuck a glance at Connor, whose face betrayed no emotion, just staring blankly ahead in the direction of the album. From his position, I was positive he couldn’t see more than the chipped leather cover of the book. Even if he leaned forward, he wouldn’t have been able to see much.

My mother and Mrs. Murphy went out in loud voices in a seamless attempt to pretend the seemingly secret interaction had taken place, so, while the focus was shifted, I turned my attention to Connor.

He didn’t cock an eyebrow this time when he caught me staring, instead just furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me, as if he expected me to speak.

“Can you see?” I asked, nodding my head in the direction of the book.

“I’m fine,” he said immediately–vaguely irritating, I’d admit, but nonetheless understandable. I was sure Cynthia Murphy had spent most of her life making sure Connor was comfortable at all times. Still, this was my olive branch, in an attempt to make this trip a little more tolerable, and Zoe seemed less than likely to console her brother at this point.

“We can change seats, I’m not really looking,” I promised, sitting forward more in my seat to show that I was ready to make the change.

“I’m fi–”

Connor was cut off by a squeal from his mother, who had tossed the book into our laps. It had taken a great deal of squinting, letting my heartbeat slow before I realized she’d been showing us something and not trying to kill some giant bug between us.

The polaroid was grainy, an ivory hue that whitewashed the photo and the years of existence made the picture hard to decipher at first, especially when we were so tired. The time stamp was from the late nineties, glowing yellow in the corner of the frame. I recognized the gilded tub from upstairs that dominated half the bathroom, big enough for three adults easily.

Connor threw to book onto my lap first, like it had scalded him. I should’ve done the same, but it took me a moment. To see, to adjust, to read and understand what was so socially condemning about the photo.

It was Connor, I realized first, small and tanned with bony ribs and chunky fingers and the apples of his cheeks straining against his baby skin. His hair was cropped so short, it looked almost silly. Beside him was me, my hair wild and tangled, curled as if my mother had teased it for dinner. My wide eyes were blazing, much too big for my face, and I was grinning with wet lips at the camera.

We were in the tub, surrounded by big pink bubbles.

We were very, very naked.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal–not really, unless you counted the fact that if this had been printed, our parents would be arrested for child porn. I was mostly covered, sitting beside Connor, my shoulders hunched forward. But Connor was standing, meaning the camera got a very decent view of–

“What the fuck, Mom!” He screaming, standing and ripping the book off my lap. Cynthia’s tittering died immediately, the hands covering her laughed instead covered her horrified face.

This was how it started, I realized.

“It’s not fucking funny,” he growled, tossing the book across the room, banging against the wooden wall with a heavy whomp.  

“That’s enough, Connor,” Larry Murphy growled low in his throat. Cynthia’s head was downcast, her eyes wide and wet. I recognized the emotion immediately–she shut down with conflict the same way Connor did.

“You don’t get to laugh at me for shits and giggles this whole trip,” Connor said, already lunging up the stairs, his hands shaking. “If I wanted to feel shitty, I’d have a conversation with you.”

So much for having a quiet trip.
——
Zoe wasn’t quiet in her gossip about Connor–his door was fashioned shut, I saw, and I doubt he’d come out for the rest of the night. I was positive he could hear his sister’s loud comments from our room.

“Sorry, he’s such an ass,” Zoe groaned, stretching on the bed, her little lilac nightgown shifting across her thighs. “I think his high is wearing off or something–don’t let it bug you. You don’t have to be nice to him, by the way. I’m not gonna let him hurt you.”

I shrugged, noncommittal. “We were friends once. I’m not gonna be mean, he’s never done anything to me.”

Zoe snorted. “You didn’t just see that? He’s a monster, and it gets worse.”

“He just has a temper. Everyone gets like that sometimes.”

I wasn’t sure why I was defending Connor–half because I didn’t want Zoe to tell Connor I disliked him, then he’d actively terrorize me–half because I had no idea why Connor Murphy was so pissed off. It was just a picture. Yeah, embarrassing, I’ll admit I wasn’t too thrilled about eighteen year old Connor Murphy seeing my nipples, and I’ll admit he definitely had the worst end of the stick.

“He loses his shit like that all the time,” Zoe said. “It’s not just a temper.”

“He’s your brother, Zoe,” I reminded gently, brushing out my hair in the bathroom mirror. “Can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt?”

“He’s no brother of mine,” she whispered, rolling over on the bed and clicking off the light.

——

The next few days passed as the usually did–the adults going places without us, albeit romantic and boring, and leaving the three of us to wander about the town below the mountain crests. It was Zoe’s turn to pick the day’s activity, and she’d chosen the mall.

The place was all dark oak, and hadn’t been remodeled since the late seventies at the earliest. Zoe was chipper, balancing a bag of organic soap and bath bombs on her lap that she’d bought at a local shop, pouring over the cheese fries between us on a plastic red tray.

Connor had also been well-behaved since his outburst several days ago, albeit quiet. He’d separated from us the second we’d arrived, holed out in some record store. Zoe was thrilled to be rid of him, and very vocal about it. I was bored out of my mind.

“Don’t look now,” Zoe said brightly, despite her face suddenly shifting into a mask of disinterest. She bit down on her lip, covered in a pink glitter lipgloss she’d applied much too liberally, and pulled on her pretty auburn braid. “There’s some boys two tables behind us checking you out.”

I felt my face get hot. “You’re lying.”

“Nuh-uh,” Zoe said, leaning into take a sip of her milkshake, biting down on the straw–the look on her face told me she’d got their attention.

“How old are they?” I hissed. The last thing we needed were some creeps following us around the mall–this was how sex trafficking started. Surely Zoe knew that this was a huge red flag.

It was clear from her overzealous wave she didn’t.

I felt a hand on the back of my chair before I saw them–to Zoe’s credit, they were pretty. Both in thick denim blue jeans, both in letterman jackets over white tee-shirts. One was tall, skinny, with pretty dark skin and hair cropped close to his head. The other was a little thicker, pale and short, in badly need from a shave. They were smiling brightly at the two of us in a way that was less awestruck and more closely resembled a triumphant conquest.

“Hello, ladies,” the shorter man greeted, grinning like a shark between Zoe and I. His hair was dark, curling around his temples–handsome, maybe my age, maybe ten years older. It was impossible to tell. There were lines around his eyes that either indicated he smiled too much or was simply older. “What are two cute girls like you doing inside on a day like this–the ski lift is just a walk down the road.”

“We’re here shopping with our brother,” I said immediately, giving a grin. The taller boy quirked his eyebrows at me–his eyes, I noticed, were dark with tawny flecks hidden in them.

“That’s cool,” he said to me, switching places so that the other boy could be closer to Zoe. They both pulled chairs up to our table, facing us. My stomach pinched uncomfortably. “Where’s he at?”

“Nike,” I lied, seeing the sign from the distance and knowing very well that Hot Topic, while probably true, didn’t exactly invoke fear.

“Ah,” he said with a grin, his eyes glancing down at my bare arm with a grin. With two slim fingers, he reached forward to pluck at my woven bracelet Zoe had made me a few nights ago, my name in block letter strung across the twine. His hands were uncomfortably hot, and I drew my arm back into my lap. “Aren’t you cold?” He nodded to my bare arms. I’d left my flannel with Connor, who was sitting on a bench at the time–I hoped he remembered to grab it. I was just wearing a striped cotton tee right now, and my arm had broken out in a case of goosebumps, though I wasn’t sure it was from the cold.

“I’m fine,” I said, careful not to meet his gaze. He was pretty, and if I wasn’t careful, I might end up going somewhere with this guy.

“You know,” he began, and I could hear his grin turn predatory. “You’re very pretty.”

A jolt shot down my spine–I wasn’t pretty, not really, which terrified me. I could hear what the other boy was whispering to Zoe, but I could tell that all the stars were gone from her eyes. She looked pale, panicked. These weren’t the kind of boys we needed to hanging around with.

“I know,” I said quickly. “We really need to call our brother–”

“I think he can wait long enough for me to get your number, right?”

Across the table Zoe laughed, too loudly, pushing back and standing from her chair. She was grinning at the dark haired boy, beckoning her to follow with a jerk of her chin.

“Zoe–”

“We’re gonna run to get some coffee, okay? Connor should be back soon, don’t wait up.”

She didn’t meet my heavy glare for long, and didn’t turn around when I yelled her name. I watched in silent horror as the boy put his hand flush with her lower back.

I was alone.

The panic crept onto the back of my neck long before his thin fingers did. He smelled like cinnamon, strongly, like he’d done one too many sprays with his cologne that morning. When I turned to face him, his tawny eyes were asking.

“Is this the part where you say you’ve got a boyfriend?” He grinned, his teeth blindingly bright in his tan face. He was so close I could see the threads on the collar of his letterman jacket–it looked soft.

There was a possibility, I realized, that they weren’t dangerous. That I was just being paranoid–Zoe wasn’t stupid, and she wouldn’t go off with a strange boy unless she was sure it was safe. Still, they were definitely in college.

And boy, were they pretty.

“I do have a boyfriend, actually,” I said, lifting my chin to meet his gaze so he wouldn’t think I was lying. There was a small voice in the back of my head, screaming, raised on her tip toes that I should just take this plunge–let him hold my hand or kiss him or whatever he wanted to do, because this was a shitty trip and I deserved to be as reckless as the Murphy kids were allowed. I didn’t see a reason why I shouldn’t.

Besides, you know, the obvious.

He quirked an eyebrow. “You have a boyfriend?” He asked, biting back a smirk. I felt the voice in the back of my head get sucker punched by my ego. So, he didn’t think I was pretty after all. Which meant he was dangerous.

Which meant Zoe was in trouble.

“Yes,” I growled, standing, yelping a bit when his hand snaked up to grab at my wrist, nearly breaking my bracelet and keeping me bent over the table.

“Let go,” I hissed–the food court was nearly deserted, and the family in the corner was carefully avoiding my eyes. I wasn’t sure I had the voice to scream.

“I don’t believe you have a boyfriend.”

“Let go, or I’ll scream,” I warned, yanking on my arm. He let go immediately, holding his hand high above his head, which I knew was meant as a gesture of calm, but instead looked an awful lot like he intended to strike me.

“Where’s your boyfriend, then?” He taunted loudly, thrilled to see no one in the court coming to my aid. I felt sick, the panic rising in my chest. Where was Zoe? She was in trouble. I was in trouble. I was going to have to scream–

“He’s right here.”

My arm flailed, immediately cocking back in an attempt to elbow in the stomach whoever had wrapped their arm around my neck, their other spidery hand snaking just slightly under the hem of my t-shirt to splay across my hip, finger tips barely brushing my skin above my jeans. The arms were strong, vice like, pressing me against a hard body, and suddenly I felt limp, panic leaving me as I realized whose familiar smell I was enveloped in.

Hair grazed across my cheekbone, and I could make out the dark locks if I looked out the corner of my eye, and I nearly yelped when I felt lips press chastely against my temple.

I couldn’t make out much of the boy anymore, my eyes level with Connor’s adams apple from where he was pressing me against him.

“Babe,” Connor said cooly, calmly, making my knees knock against his. “Who’s this?”

“H-he’s leaving,” I managed to stutter out, barely a whisper, my voice hoarse. I sounded terrified. No wonder this ass in the letterman jacket hadn’t be intimated by me, I sounded about as frightening as a kitten. Connor pressed his fingers against the nape of my neck, tilting my head against his jugular so that I couldn’t see anything but the pale column of his throat and his dark hair. It was getting difficult to breathe–I felt sick. He moved his hand to wrap around my waist, yanking me tightly to him.

“You heard her,” Connor said, again stoic–half of me wished I could see his face, but the other half knew it would be terrifying. Connor’s temper was legendary and destructive–to see him so angry wouldn’t make the fist in my gut unclench. “Go. Take your friend with you.”

There was a beat of silence. Then two. I couldn’t hear much but my own shaky breathing, warm and wet against Connor’s neck, his hair making the space much too hot. I wasn’t aware I had knotted my fingers into his shirt until he started walking, dragging my stumbling form forward with him. He was going fast, too fast for me to keep up, and my chest could only rise so far before deflating painfully.

“You gotta breathe,” he grunted, one of his arms still around me. His face felt hot against me.

“Z-zoe!” I choked out, realizing I had no idea where she was. She could still be with that boy, be in danger–

“Oh, Christ,” he exclaimed bitterly, letting go and beginning to trudge forward. I was terrified briefly, suddenly overwhelmed with the fact I didn’t know where I was. There was a Game Stop, and a Victoria’s secret, the neon lighting combined with the screaming toddlers and the kissing teens and Connor was leaving

An arm swept up from behind me, leading me just as quickly, mumbling something I couldn’t make out into my ear.

“Zoe!” I grinned, immediately feeling safer, feeling my fear melt away just smidgen in my gut.

“I’m so so sorry I left,” she sobbed. “I went looking for a cop, but I found Connor first and I told him you were in trouble–”

“It’s fine,” I said immediately, surprised that my voice was no longer wet. “Thanks, Zoe.”

I was calm, or, at least calmer by the time we reached the van. Connor was waiting by the passenger side door, which was opened, leaning against a scratch in the silver paint. He wasn’t looking at us, instead appearing to observe the silver snowflakes as they fell.

My reflection in the side mirror revealed my face was red and blotchy, not just from the cold wind. I felt gross–guilty for the fact I hadn’t been able to defend myself and Zoe, guilty for the fact Connor Murphy was the one who had to come to my rescue, and guilty for the fact I’d cried all over him. His zipped up hoodie seemed to have escaped the mess, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel awful. 

He stepped out of the way when I made it close, gesturing for me to get in the passenger side door while glaring at the ground. I was only vaguely surprised, and followed along immediately. Zoe and I almost always rode together in the back. I let Connor shut the door, ignoring the disgusted look Zoe gave as she got into the back.

Connor hoisted himself into the driver’s seat, surprising me with a costume change, reappearing in only a forest green tee. He held out his hoodie to me, balled up in one of his fists without looking at me, before just tossing it into my lap.

“I–”

“I left your flannel in the back. Put that on or you’ll freeze.”

He licked his lips, staring coldly out the front window, before starting the car. I swallowed. Yeah, he definitely hated me.

“Okay.”

——

“You’re sure you’re alright, honey?” My mother asked for the third time. Her hair was tied up, her pink bathrobe covering little of her cleavage and bare legs. She was cradling a wine bottle in her hands, looking at me in faux concern.

I gave her a soft smile. “I’m fine,” I lied. I’d calmed considerately. Connor and Zoe had both agreed I needed to shower to wash off the panicked look on my face–I’d asked them to keep the days happenings a secret. They’d reluctantly agreed.

She gave me a clipped smile. “Maybe you should go to bed early, yeah? That’s what I plan to do.”

I nodded, scratching at my bare leg. I’d taken advantage of Zoe’s absense and changed into boxer shorts and an oversized tee with a kitten on the front–she and Cynthia had headed into town for the night, spending the night at a spa and would be gone for a few days, and my father had taken his annual ‘me time’ and booked a hotel downtown to do his own thing. I think Mr. Murphy went with him, but regardless, he was out of the house. It was just me and my mother.

And Connor. I tried not to think about it. I planned on offering him the big bed tonight, in way of thanking him for today, but we hadn’t spoken much since the incident and I felt…odd. Unsure how to thank him. Unsure why he helped.

I supposed the Murphy men were just gentlemen, even under all that teen angst.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I’m probably gonna sit out on the balcony and then head to bed.”

She grinned. “Don’t stay out too late, it’s almost down to single digits, dear.”

I just nodded, sliding off the countertop, and slinking upstairs. I was surprised to see Connor sitting on the bed. I grinned.

He looked different, to say the least. He was still without his jacket, wearing only his tee and jeans, and little pair of socks with stars on them, which did seem a little out of character, but I assumed Cynthia bought them. His head perked when he saw me, simply craning his neck, keeping his shoulders bowed forward over his body.

He looked small, I realized. He didn’t look like a boy who punched holes in walls or scared off very big very scary men in shopping mall food courts. He looked like a vogue model with a little too much innocence.

He gave me a grin with no teeth, and it didn’t quite meet his eyes, but I gave him a sheepish smile back.

“Hey,” I greeted, tugging on my top to cover my shorts a little better–Connor Murphy didn’t have any interest in seeing my thighs. Despite all the panic, I’d been playing over and over in my head the comment the boy in the mall had made, incredulous that I had a boyfriend. It was silly to let it sting me, considering he probably wanted to stuff me in a van, but it crippled me nonetheless.

“Hey,” he greeted back, not rising from the bed.  I waited for him to speak again, and when he said nothing, I continued.

“I, uh, meant to say, since Zoe’s gone, you can have the big bed like good old times.”

He frowned. “I don’t need the bed.”

“I don’t either,” I promised, leaning against the banister. “Plus,” I sighed, scratching at the back of my head. “I’m not entirely sure how to thank you for today. I’d probably be selling for a low ball price on the dark web right now, if it wasn’t for you. So, thanks.”

Connor was still frowning. “You’ve had a really rough day. You should take the bed.”

“No,” I insisted, beginning to get frustrated. “I’m really okay, I promise. I can’t give you anything else, take the bed.”

His dark eyebrows knit together quickly, licking his lips again nervously. “I don’t–”

“Plus,” I cut him off again with a curt laugh. “I owe you for your Oscar performance. That was crazy, you know. I can’t believe you fooled him into thinking a guy like you would be with a girl like me.”

His head snapped up. “A guy like me?” He reiterated coldly. I felt my face grow hot.

“You know,” I said quietly.

“Know what?”

“That you’re cool,” I muttered. “And nice looking. And I’m not.”

I was thankful for the warm lighting in the room, concealing my red face. It was already dark out, the blinds drawn tightly. Connor’s fists clenched in the white lace comforter on the bed. I didn’t want him to feel bad for me, and I sort of regretted saying it. Connor had already seen me blubbering today and he didn’t need my shitty teen angst to deal with.

He bit down on his lower lip, staring coldly at the ground before murmuring, “I need a shower. Take the bed.”

I shook my head. “I’m gonna go for a walk.”

He just nodded, rising from the bed. “Don’t get too far. It’s cold out.”

Connor shut the bathroom door behind him, and I was left feeling like a total idiot. I could hear the shower running before I left, snagging Connor’s grey jacket from my bed post and sliding it on. I went down the stairs, sliding out the first door to the outside, stepping out onto the first floor balcony. I made a mental note to the shut the blinds later, before walking around to the front of the cabin.

I should’ve been thrilled to be alive, I realized, snorting at how melodramatic that sounded. Still, as I burrowed deeper into Connor’s jacket, watching my thighs turn red from the cold, I realized that I was shrouded in a veil of melancholy I wouldn’t be able to shake off.

I missed Connor. I missed being his friend. I missed him coming over for play dates when we were kids, gauzy fairy wings strapped to our backs, jumping on a trampoline when Zoe was still to young to participate. I missed writing him letters, like a pen pal, despite the fact he only lived on the opposite side of town. Going to different schools hadn’t deterred us, for a while, at least. We had sleepovers every birthday, and Zoe told the best scary stories. I remembered hiding under Connor’s bed with him, a hand clasped over my mouth so Zoe wouldn’t hear our breathing.

I remembered kissing him when we were in kindergarten, ridiculously late at night, a quick smack on the lips during a game of pretend. I’d kissed Zoe, too, when we were probably much too old for it, but thinking of Connor tugged on my chest.

It stopped as we turned twelve, I realized. I never saw him–he was still playing little league, and I stopped coming to his games to pick dandelions with Zoe. He was beginning to get teased. My parents insisted the slumber parties should stop, we were too old. Every time Connor and I were together at birthdays or Christmas parties, adults would joke about when we’d fall in love, how soon would it be before we got married. We avoided each other like the plague, unless we knew we could be alone. And we were never alone.

Connor hid inside himself. Zoe made fun of him at parties, loudly. I kept quiet.

He stopped calling during the summer months. He never rode his bike by my house. The only time I saw Connor Murphy was the annual ski trip.

I missed him. He’d been a childhood friend, and I’d let him go without a second thought to save myself some shred of dignity, like it wouldn’t be ripped away from me regardless.

Connor Murphy was nothing to be ashamed of.

And now it was too late to be his friend.

It had started to snow again, so I wiped my face and rose, walking the opposite way I had come, skirting the stairs–they led to the upstairs, but only to Connor’s room, and I didn’t plan to barge in uninvited, especially if he was still in the shower, two rooms blocked me from getting to the king bed, so I’d have to walk all the way around the house.

The lights were out, I saw, but again no one had bothered to close the blinds. The television might have been on, a dim blue glow resounding onto the leather couch–

I froze.

As it turned out, my mother hadn’t gone to bed. The television was on, showing some late show with some old white man making cracks about some politician I didn’t care for, casting the blue haze onto the coffee table, revealing the wine bottle my mother had been cradling. Two empty glasses sat on the table–my mother’s bathrobe crinkled on the floor.

I was disgusted in a comedic way, just for a moment, to see my mother in her nightgown kissing my father, who my brain had filled in under the assumption he’d arrived back.

I’d begun backing up to the stairs, Connor Murphy’s naked body be damned, when I realized my father’s car had never pulled up, and I’d been on the front porch the whole time.

A better look in the window revealed a man a little older, a little more gray and a little more handsome than my father.

I was sprinting by the time Larry Murphy had begun to peel his shirt off his back.

I didn’t knock by the time I’d made it to Connor’s room, just threw open the door, struggling to get my breathing under control. I stumbled to the pull out couch, dragging the sheets up around my freezing legs. I was in shock, I knew, and I needed to calm down before Connor came in–the bathroom door was shut, but I couldn’t hear the shower anymore, despite the steady trickle of steam coming through the cracks. I was trapped in this room until Connor came out.

My mother was cheating on my father Larry Murphy. Larry Murphy was cheating on his wife with my mother. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe it, I had to have made it up, this had to be a dream–

“What are you doing in here?”

It was an exclamation, alarmed, grasping a towel tight with thin white knuckles.

Connor. Connor in a towel. Connor wet with slick hair and chest hair and navel and hip bones. Connor Murphy, son of Larry Murphy, who had his tongue down my mom’s throat–

“Hey, breathe, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

By the time my eyes snapped back into focus, Connor was struggling to pull on grey basketball shorts without dropping his towel, and I dropped my gaze back to my shaking hands, almost startlingly red from the temperature change and what was most likely shock. I was hyperventilating, struggling to smother the sobs. I knew this deep in the house, they probably wouldn’t hear me–they were most definitely preoccupied anyway. 

The bed dipped, and Connor’s bare side brushed my thigh. I didn’t mean to jerk back, but I did, clinging to the arm of the couch and staring horrified–Connor looked almost hurt, but mostly panicked. I tried to calm down, for his sake.

“S-sorry!” I sobbed. “Sorry! I-I-I didn’t mean–I didn’t mean–I didn’t–I–”

“Hey, stop, breathe. You gotta breathe. Go slow, okay? Stop tryna talk,” he commanded, holding up his hands to show he wasn’t gonna hurt me, readjusting so that he sat up on his knees, leaning  over me to take my hands, rubbing them between his own despite the claminess.

I avoided his eyes, focusing instead on the dip of his collar bone, surprised to see thin lines of chest hair, wet and plastered to his chest. He was skinny, and I could see his ribs despite the tiny stomach roll from where he folded in the middle. His thumbs rubbed soothing circles across the backs of my hands, and for a moment, I didn’t think. I could’ve forgotten everything and fallen asleep right here with him.

He pulled my hands against his chest, cradling mine in his own, pulling me forward, asking with his slate eyes if it was alright.

I pretended we were friends.

“You wanna talk about that?” He asked very softly, looking down at where our hands were clasped against him–he was warm, his skin pink and hot from the shower. He’d combed his hair back out of his face, and it was almost cute like that. “If it’s about today, I promise you’re safe, alright? I wasn’t gonna let that guy hurt you.”

My heart sunk in my chest, nearly restarting my panic attack. I shook my head.

Connor deserved to know.

I was scared, briefly, that it would set him off. He might yell at me, throw things, kick me out of the room. He might hit me.

I didn’t care. He had a right to know.

I swallowed thickly, shaking my head. “N-no.”

“Did something happen on your walk? Are you okay?”

I shook my head.

“What? Trouble back home–your boyfriend break up with you or something?”

“My mom–” I started, voice breaking, feeling fresh tears of shock on my cheeks.

His eyebrows furrowed, tightening his grip on my hands. “Is she okay? She–”

I saw it in slow motion–his jaw unclenched, eyebrows relaxing from their set, pouted mouth turning down. It was calm. It was knowing.

“You saw them,” he said very softly, letting my hands fall back into his lap. I was too shocked to move them away from his thighs.

“You knew,” I spat–an accusation. I hadn’t meant to make it one.

Connor scrubbed at his eyes roughly, flopping onto his back against the bed. Frustrated.

“I was tired of my dad reading my fucking emails, so I hacked into his–I only saw a few. I didn’t want to see anymore.”

I paled, feeling nauseous. “So it’s happened before?” I choked.

He swallowed. “That was two summers ago.”

“Fuck,” I hissed uncharacteristically, surprised to find Connor stretching out an arm to me. I took his hand with a firm grip. “How long before then.”

He shrugged. “Maybe our whole lives. Maybe before. I’m not sure, angel.”

I nodded, secretly pleased that he was so calm. It kept me level, grounded, watching where our hands were linked.

“What do we do?” I choked. “I have to tell my dad. He deserves to know.”

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed. “Everything would change. He’d tell my mom.”

I bit down on my lip, folding down onto my back to lay down beside Connor. “I hadn’t considered that.”

Connor sighed, scratching at my hand tenderly with his black painted nails. “I’m not sure that my mom and Zoe could handle the news–it’s not like they’d turn to me. They’d be alone. Zoe might even take my dad’s side.”

I groaned, stealing my hands to scrub at my eyes. My wet hair was beginning to dry in a tangled mess.

“This is too much,” I mumbled, rolling onto my side to face Connor, staring at his bare, freckled shoulder. “I don’t know what to do. If I can do anything.”

I jumped a foot out of my skin when he placed a hand at the corner of my jaw, brushing the tangled hair back out of my face. “You don’t have to think about it right now. You’ve had a really long fucking day. You should sleep.”

I didn’t want to sleep–I didn’t want Connor to leave. I didn’t know how to say that.

I couldn’t believe that everyone had tried to desperately to convince me Connor Murphy was a bad boy–fuck them, Connor Murphy was good. He was better than everyone in this cabin combined.

He cared about me.

I caught his wrist, which froze in my grasp, but I just took his bony hand and cradled it between my hands the same way he’d done mine, tracing the lines across his palm. He sucked  in a sharp breath.

“Okay,” I said, and he smiled, moving away. I let go of his hand.

“I just have to turn off the light. Get comfy.”

His retreating footsteps filled my stomach with dread, but nevertheless I unzipped his jacket and draped it on top of the blanket so that it would at least keep my feet warm. Pulling the pillow tight behind my head, I was pleased to find it sort of smelled like Connor’s shampoo as the light clicked off. It left me feeling a little more safe. Ironic, I realized. I was in the middle of a wilderness, I’d almost been abducted, my mother was downstairs ruining our family, and all I could find myself to be worried about was if Connor would be okay.

The bed dipped behind me, shocking me into stillness, surprising me even more when someone lifted the sheet and slid in behind me, a bony hand resting on my hip.

“This okay?” He asked, and I dared to open my eyes to meet his. They were unsure, nervous. He was scared I’d reject him. I nodded, scooting closer.

“It really will be okay, you know,” he assured. “Whatever you choose, I’m gonna be with you.”

“You’re amazing,” I said without thinking, but being entirely sincere. Even in the dark, I saw his eyes go wide and his cheeks tinge a deep magenta in his pale face.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” I assured with a laugh, reaching across the divide to poke at his side, slightly surprised to still find him shirtless. He’d withdrawn his hand almost immediately, keeping respectfully to his side of the bed. “I’d be dead without you. And you’ve supported me this whole way.”

His jaw clenched and unclenched, freeing one of his arms to pick at the wrinkled sheets between us. “I just, fuck, I knew you’d hear some shit, but I was hoping you’d be able to come out here and we could start over again, like before? Zoe started her smear campaign almost immediately. I just, fuck, nevermind.”

I watched him withdraw, turning over with his back to me, the pale plains of his back bared to me.

“Con,” I said very softly. “I don’t care what they say–fuck them,” I laughed, watching Connor’s shoulders shake. “I think you’re good, Connor, and I miss being your friend.”

I watched with bated breath as his back rose and fell with his steady breath in the cold room, his skin radiating heat. I shifted closer, crossing the divide between us. He didn’t respond.

I didn’t sleep.

——

I was alerted late in the day by a noise–it was daylight, I noted, the clock on the bedside table reading it was almost noon. I was groggy, still in the state between sleep and consciousness. The room was shrouded in a bright grey hue from the winter wonderland outside–it had snowed a significant amount, apparently, and the white fluff stuck hopelessly to the window.

At the foot of the bed, Connor was on his knees, pulling a navy sweater over his head. It was tight, with a stretched collar and holes at the hem, but he looked good in it. His hair was frizzed at the temples, and his eyes were wide when we saw me.

“You’re awake.”

I just nodded, a little embarrassed. Part of me hoped Connor would just let last night drop, and we could continue our indifference toward each other, but most of me felt as if we had an unfinished conversation to attend to.

“Is anyone back yet?” I asked, surprised as Connor came to sit in front of me, legs crossed kindergarten style. He shook his head.

“No, actually. No one came back from their trip, and the lovebirds have miraculously vanished for a ski day. It’s just me and you.”

“Oh.”

Connor seemed unsure for a moment, brushing his hands off on his pants. “I’m sorry, um, about last night? I should’ve asked first if it was okay to sleep next to you, I just–I know you said you missed being friends, so I thought–”

“It was nice,” I cut him off with a smile that was nearly all false bravado. “Warm. I really do miss hanging out with you.”

He pursed his lips in way of a smile. “Me too. Miss having friends, period, but you’re kinda great, so–I’ll shut up.”

Stretching, I groaned with the sensation and smiled widely at him. “We can be friends again, don’t you think?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. When my vision cleared, he was sitting by my feet, eyes downcast.

“It’s kinda lame, isn’t it?” He asked, sending ice down my spine.

“What, I’m not cool enough for you?” I teased half heartedly, despite feeling slightly sick. If Connor left now, I’d be marooned on this island I’d made for myself, and it wasn’t ideal knowing I no longer had any allies.

“No! That’s not what I–no, fuck, I just meant. Don’t you like Zoe better?”

I shook my head. “I like Zoe–but I liked you first.”

“Yeah, I liked the Teletubbies first, doesn’t mean I prefer them to Death Cab for Cutie.”

I snorted. “Okay, I like you best. You’re both really similar, you know, but you’re kinder.”

He shot me a glare, which I supposed I’d earned. “Liar.”

“Can’t lie,” I protested. “And I like you better. Get used to it.”

He swallowed, shifting on the bed and looking at me again as if grappling to say something. His eyebrows were pinched in the middle, making him look slightly worried, small. I watched the way his mouth bowed as he opened and closed it, my eyes tracing over his soft lips.

He was pretty, I realized, in a way I wouldn’t have considered before.

“What about when you leave?” He asked softly, scratching his arm absently.

I frowned. “What about it?”

“We won’t see each other again.”

I smiled. “Connor, you just live on the other side of town. I do own a car.”

He frowned. “You’d come to see me?”

“If you wanted me to,” I answered honestly. “Or we could go do stuff. It doesn’t make me any difference–whatever you want, I’m game for.”

His eyebrows took a sharp hike into his hairline. “Whatever I want, huh?”

My stomach clenched nervously–decidedly a good kind of nervous. I didn’t realize it till he placed his hand on my ankle, grinning up at me with crooked teeth and pretty eyes, that I might’ve begun to develop a small crush on him.

Which wasn’t okay.

——

“This is such bullshit.”

I cackled as Connor continued to strap on his snow boots, repeatedly tripping and losing his balance in the snow.

“C'mon, it’s fun!” I protested, pulling my sock toboggan down tighter over my ears, trudging another few slow steps through the slush. Connor was frustrated, I could tell, seeing his pink nose and ears, his breaths coming out in angry puffs of smoke.

“No,” he grunted, dragging himself up the trail a few more steps. “Video games are fun. Cartoons are fun. Cheap Internet porn is fun. Dragging my frozen ass up a mountain covered in snow for ten miles is not my idea of fun, dude.”

“It’s not ten miles,” I protested, taking a seat on a mostly clean looking rock, patting the seat beside me in condolence to Connor, giving him a much needed break. He’d agreed to go outside with me at least once to take a hike, since the Murphy kids never ever wanted to do anything that didn’t involve fried food or touristy tie dye t-shirts. We’d been going for a few hours now, and the last bench had easily been miles ago. I wanted to see where the trail ended.

Part of me was scared he’d only agreed because he thought I would break. I’d surprised myself with how calm I’d been after, well, what a nightmare this trip had been. I supposed I’d be worse once my dad got back–but he wasn’t yet, so I was content to have my last moments with Connor.

“We’ve been out here for hours, man, don’t you think we should head back before it gets dark?” He whined, leaning forward on his elbows and rubbed his hands together–he had on mittens, which was probably the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Say what you want about Connor Murphy, his aesthetic was absolutely demolished once you put him in a fire engine red puffer coat.

I sighed, glancing wistfully up the trail. I’d like to finish, but Connor was right–it was getting dark, too dangerous out for us to be out here alone. He’d humored me enough for today.

Time to go back and face reality.

I just nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets and rising from the rock, giving a decent stretch before moving forward back down the path, Connor scurrying along beside me.

“Thanks for coming,” I said again, nudging him with my shoulder. He stumbled gracefully, grinning with a subdued force that warmed me a little, before checking me back with his shoulder.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he warned, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “But it wasn’t totally awful.”

I snorted. “I won’t let anyone know Connor Murphy can feel fun.”

Biting back a smile, he nudged me again. “God, please don’t. Then they might bring me back here and I’ll have to spend another two weeks with you.”

“I’m sure I’m just killing you inside,” I teased. “How dare your parents give you unfiltered access to a teenage girl.”

“Who never wears pants around the house,” he added sagely.

“And sleeps in your bed!” I choked with laughter, the bird walking along the snow path in front of us clearing the way. “God, I can’t believe I did that. I’m sorry, I was probably awful. Did I snore?”

His mouth twisted, as if trying to look indifferent but instead just failed at smothering a smile, both corners of his lips turning in a different direction.

“Not awful,” he offered, earning an embarrassed groan from me. “No! It’s cute, like a kid, I promise. You kicked the shit out of me, though.”

“You’re kidding me,” I groaned. “I’m so so sorry! I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Might be some bruises,” he grinned, to my further mortification. “Hey, nah, I’m kidding. Any damage will heal. It’s kinda funny.”

I cocked an eyebrow from where I was hiding my face behind my gloves. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, don’t sweat it,” he said, reaching out to take my wrist, pulling one of my hands away from my face. He didn’t realize it, just held it, swinging stiffly between us as we walked. He held his breath for a moment before continuing, “I would’ve let you know if I didn’t like it.”

“Kinky,” I said upon reflex, earning a lazy kick to my ankle.

“You’re hilarious. I just meant you’re warm, maybe the bruises are worth it.”

I felt my face get hot, words forming in my belly, escaping before I could choke them back. “Yeah? Maybe I’ll kiss them better tonight, if Zoe isn’t back.”

He let go of my wrist like I’d burned him.

“Sor–”

“Don’t,” he said quietly, stuffing his hands in his pockets, beginning to walk quickly ahead of me.

“What?” I screeched, frustrated.

“Don’t fake flirt with me. It’s not funny,” he spat, continuing walking too fast on his ridiculously long legs.

“Who said it was fake?” I grumbled. “I’m not making fun of you, Connor.”

There was a beat of silence, pulling at my heart with sharp claws, the dull ache starting in my chest and spreading. I’d messed up everything.

“It’s getting dark,” he growled. “And we don’t have a flashlight. Try and keep up.”

——

The panic set in at twilight.

We were running.

He was holding my hand again, dragging me roughly down the mountain, hoping desperately to see some kind of light pollution as the sun set, but there was nothing.

“We should see lights by now,” I told him. “We can see the lights from our cabin, we should see the lights now.”

“We went down the wrong side of the mountain,” he gasped, already out of breathe. I knew his lungs weren’t the best, and we’d been running for awhile now.

“There has to be something at the bottom,” I whispered hopelessly.

“There is,” he growled. “It’s called a gorge, then you climb the other mountain, and there’s the next state. Fuck, how did we get so turned around?”

“Doesn’t matter, Con,” I said hopelessly. “It’s gonna be dark soon.”

His dark eyes widened. “You aren’t sincerely suggesting we try to find shelter. In the middle of a national park.”

“I’ve got a flare gun and a flint,” I told him. “But we have to get back up out of the trees.”

“You want us to climb the mountain again?” He hissed, holding both my hands now. “Are you positive you don’t have signal?”

I nodded. “I’m really sorry, Connor.”

“Don’t be sorry. Start walking.”

——

It was an accident.

It was dark.

I had an analog watch, letting me know it was nearly nine pm. We’d found shelter just as it had started to snow–the  ground here was wet, quickly freezing into ice, and we kept slipping up on the trail. I’d set off the flare an hour ago, and, so far, nothing. The snow had begun to pick up, and we’d found a alcove between two adjacent rocks–not big, about the size of a walk in closet, but enough space for us, our bags, and a pile of wood that refused to light. It kept the snow and wind off of us, and the alcove was high enough I felt safe, with a small mouth that made me feel as if at any instant we could be trapped.

It was an accident.

“The fire won’t light,” I said again, hopelessly, watching my now bloody fingers go numb from trying desperately to get the flint to do its job. I couldn’t feel them without my gloves on.

Connor, huddled in a corner, viciously rubbed his arms in an attempt to get warm. I knew the  temperature would only drop from here. If someone hadn’t seen the flare….

“There’s no dry wood. I checked.”

“Nothing?”

“No, okay? Nothing. That’s it.”

I knew he was right–and searching now would only prove to be counter productive and dangerous. I moved our bags and the pile of firewood to the entrance, sealing us in.

“It’s gonna be pitch black soon,” I warned, watching Connor tap angrily at his phone. “You should probably save your battery. I don’t have a flashlight.”

He snorted. “You’ll bring sleeping bags and a flint, but not a flashlight?”

“It’s the emergency bag! I didn’t pack it, Connor. Make fun of it all you want, but it’s keeping us alive!”

There was a beat of silence, before he clicked his phone off, leaving us in darkness. “M sorry.”

I dragged out the single sleeping bag, stretching it out to him. “Don’t be sorry.” I felt guilty–it was my fault we were in this mess to begin with. “Wanna granola bar?”

“Save it,” he said in a clipped tone, unsure what to make of it since we were veiled in darkness. “We might need it later.” Then, softer: “What’s the plan?”

I heard him stand, and walk across the slick ice of the alcove, coming to stand beside me, his hand at my elbow.

“Well,” I said very slowly, feeling my throat get thick. “Survive the night, stay awake, and once dawn hits we head back to the other side of the mountain, if no one comes.”

“If no one comes,” he echoed, voice oddly hollow. I choked.

“It, erm, is very possible they think we just wandered off, you know? We’re teenagers,” I reminded gently. I left out the part the police would be less than willing to look–Connor had a history of running away after a bad binge.

“Fuck,” he growled.

It was an accident. It was quick, in the dark, we couldn’t see.

He reached our for me, his open palm colliding with the back of my head, yanking me tightly again his chest, my nose buried in his nylon puffer coat. I felt his other hand, too forcefully, at the small of my back, and I nearly screamed, terrified this was an episode I couldn’t control–

“We’re gonna make it outta here,” he breathed against my ear, his breath warm and humid against my freezing ears. It set off a light bulb in my brain. “We’re gonna go back home and–fucking shit, I’m gonna be a goddamn good friend to you and we’re gonna–fuck,” he hissed, his clipped voice breaking off. “I’m gonna take care of you, I’m not going anywhere.”

I let myself break open, collapsing against him, openly sobbing with regret. He stiffened, but just tightened his arms around me despite our bulky clothes.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “This is all my fault.”

“It is not,” he hissed, shaking me a little. “We had no way of knowing this would happen. The trail looked safe.”

I just nodded, knowing that arguing would tire me out. I felt the lethargy begin to creep in my bones–Connor was warm, and it was late, and we were tired. Falling asleep meant dying.

“Get out the sleeping bag,” he said, extracting himself from me, and I heard his hands scrape along the hard rock looking for the entrance. “And I’ll look for some more blankets in the bag, see if we can’t insulate–fuck!

“What is it?” I screeched, turning, grabbing his hand to only find that my own was suddenly wet, almost sticky, and Connor pulled away with a howl. I smelled the metallic sting before I realized.

“Something cut my hand!”

“Stay away from the wall,” I warned. “Take your undershirt off, I’ll rip it up.” I felt around desperately for Connor’s phone, immediately illuminating our little cave with a blinding blue light.

The amount of blood smeared across the wall was nauseating. There was a sharp spot Connor must’ve grabbed too quickly.

He was crying, trying desperately to unzip his coat with one hand, the other dripping onto the floor.

“Fuck, I hope something doesn’t smell that,” I whispered, laying down the light and running to help him get undressed, careful of the open cut across his palm.

“I knew I was gonna get naked tonight,” he said with an unsure laugh, “I just didn’t realize it would be like this.”

My face flushed. “What, you thought I’d suck you off because we’re about to die?”

He shivered, accentuated by me ripping his white shirt down the front, exposing his blue, goosebumped skin.

“Fuck,” he hissed, and I was unsure if it was from the cold, the pain, or my foul language.

“Hope this is clean,” I muttered, wrapping a strip of his white shirt across his palm in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. It was a good way to get an infection, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.

“I didn’t–I wouldn’t ask you to–”

“I’m not sucking you off!”

“Fuck, I just meant–hypothermia, skin to skin, I saw it in a movie–”

The phone light clicked off. I sighed, tying off the cotton bandage.

“You wanna get naked in the sleeping bag,” I finished.

“I don’t want to!” He howled. “And not naked–just, enough to stay alive, shit. It’s gonna be negative ten out here soon, I just wanna stay alive.”

“We should hurry,” I said, surprising myself by reaching out to urge him to rub at his bare chest, earning a gasp from him. “You’re gonna freeze soon. Get your pants off.”

I handed him the sleeping bag, my breath catching as I heard his belt clink to the floor, trying very hard not to think about the implications of this. How far did he expect me to undress? And, if we did get in here, it would be ridiculously tight, we might fall asleep–

“Hurry up, this bag is an icicle with one person.”

Straightening out my bra and panties (even if we were going to die, Connor Murphy did not get to cop a feel) I felt my way to the sleeping bag.

My hand on his chest, he guided my legs one at time–one by his side, one between his knees–and gently folded me down against him, uncomfortably tight as his shaking fingers zipped the sleeping bag up.

He was breathing hard against my temple, and I immediately began to sweat–between the nylon bag and the fact I felt all of Connor Murphy pressed against my chest and stomach–it was nerve wracking.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he reminded in a hoarse voice, shaking a little. I couldn’t quite figure out where his hands were.

“Don’t get a boner,” I begged, earning a beat of silence before:

“I, uh, am–I’m really trying not to,” he groaned, and I could feel how hot his face was against my temple.

“If it helps,” I said, slightly disgusted. “You can imagine our parents kissing. That really kills my fire.”

“Ew,” he said. “Please don’t.”

I grinned. “What? You don’t want me to be your hot step sister?”

Stop it,” he begged, making me laugh, pressing my face against the soft cushion of his hair, nosing at the column of his throat. He groaned a little, and I felt his fingers twitch beside my hips.

“I can’t believe their secret is going to die with us,” I sighed. “No one is ever going to know.”

“I can’t believe you’re lying on top of me in your spiderman panties, but that’s also happening, so you’d better believe it,” he sighed, hands twitching again.

“You can touch me, you know,” I breathed, a little embarrassed against his ear. “We’re gonna die anyway, might as well die comfy.”

“We won’t die,” he promised, his hands clasping over the small of my back regardless.  “Hey,” he crooned, in a soft voice I hadn’t heard before. Encouraging. “Remember sharing a sleeping bag when we were kids?”

I laughed half heartedly, remembering fully. “The thing was always full of pixie stick wrappers.”

“It was an addiction, and I have quit,” he said sagely, earning another laugh from me. I almost joked about the pot, but part of me knew it wasn’t a funny joke. It didn’t have anything to do with him. He sighed, one finger trailing up my spine. “God, I was so in love with you.”

I froze against him, my body a live wire. His hand pulled back.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said tha–”

“Were you really?” I asked. I felt him smile, before leaning in to kiss my cheek, slowly, his dry lips lingering.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t know,” he groaned. “Zoe had me convinced you were just humoring me because you knew I’d do anything for you.”

I pulled up, as far as I could (which wasn’t much) squinting to make out his face in the dark. “That wasn’t true. You were my best friend.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I know. God, that time when you kissed me….I’m so sorry we stopped talking. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forgive myself for that.”

“Connor,” I said very softly, reaching up to tangle my hands lightly in his hair. “If we’re gonna die…can I just….”

He surged up before I could, the nylon around us snapping taunt, squeaking in protest. Up on his elbows, his bony hands found their purchase on my bare hips, and I felt the wetness through one of the bandages–his hand was still bleeding, the idiot.

His lips were dry, and he kissed much too roughly for someone who wasn’t holding my head in place, our teeth clinking together in a way that I knew was an accident, sending my skull ringing. His eyes were squeezed shut in the darkness.

I can’t believe it took us to the brink of death for him to admit this.

God, he’s an idiot.

I reached up, pulling at his hair, holding his head to mine, his tongue licking roughly up into my mouth before breaking away–

“Boner,” he warned in a squeak, earning a loud laugh from me, collapsing against his chest.

“Not even in death, Murphy, am I sucking you off on a first or last date,” I giggled against his neck, giving him a chaste kiss there, listening to him groan. His hips canted a little, scaring me, before taking a deep breath to calm himself.

“First date, huh?” I felt him grin, followed by a yawn.

“Stay awake, Connor,” I urged, smacking him hard. “Or I’m gonna twist your nipple.”

“Kinky,” he sighed lethargically. Shit, he was gonna sleep.

“Connor–”

“Promise me this,” he sighed, nuzzling lightly against the side of my face. “If we survive the night by some miracle, and we don’t freeze to death or get eaten by bears or bleed out–you wanna kiss me again? With more clothes on? As my girlfriend?”

I leaned into his touch, tilting my head up to give him access to suck a hickey into my neck, groaning.

“Murphy, if we live, I will suck you off.”

That was the last thing I remembered.

——-

Three days later, it’s still cold. I’m not wearing much–a blue gown with shitty pink flowers, it’s made of some kind of plasticy cotton material. There’s blood under my fingernails and bruises on my neck that are almost embarrassing when I remembered how I got them. My clothes were gone.

Connor was gone.

My mother and father were leaning over my bed, the Murphy's  (minus Cynthia) are behind them. No Connor.

They explained it slowly, eyes wide. They found Connor and I nearly frozen, unconscious. Connor lost a lot of blood, they said, and he wasn’t do so well but he’d woken up several days before me.

He wouldn’t eat until they let him see me.

I’d nearly ripped out my IV to get to him.

He was wearing the same shitty hospital gown, his hair pulled back. He’s got hickies I don’t remember giving him across his collarbone that are ridiculously visible. There were purple bruises under his eyes, like he hadn’t been sleeping.

“They said you were still too sick to get out of bed,” he grinned, opening his arm, and I immediately stumbled over to the thin mattress, pressing myself tightly against him. His hand is thickly wrapped in cotton, a few tubes full of a yellow brown liquid in them. He was combing my hair–which I’m sure was a rats nest–out with his free hand.

“They said the same about you.”

“We’re really lucky, you know,” I said softly, tapping at his chest. “I almost lost you.”

“Almost lost you,” he choked out, pulling away to scan my face, before grinning. “Which would’ve sucked, because you’re my only friend right now.”

“Friend?” I said, trying hard not to sound disappointed. I supposed I shouldn’t have been–what we’d done in the heat of a moment hadn’t meant anything then. It had been a lie for my humor.

It wasn’t fair.

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed. “You, um–do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

I frowned. “I mean, only if you want me to.”

He grinned, the smile splitting across his face. “It’ll suck–your parents will hate me.”

“Right now, I kind of hate my parents, so.”

“I do a lot of pot.”

“We can do something else instead,” I grinned, nudging him, having the nerve to blush.

He licked his lips, looking down at where he’d intertwined our hands. “You–you can’t fix me, you know? I’m still gonna be, you know.”

I nodded, bring his hand up to kiss across the bloody knuckles of his good hand. “I know. I promised I’d be your girlfriend, though. A promise is a promise.”

He grinned. “I’m glad you say that–because you did promise something else.”

I shook my head, rising from the bed. “The kiss is for when we have clothes on, remember.”

“I wasn’t talking about that kiss.”

Connor Murphy!

GoT 7x07 Finale Thoughts

So it’s finally here. The finale. The epic conclusion for this epic season… lol I’m kidding. This season has been a mess and so was this episode. But as always, let’s begin to unpack the nonsense to hopefully find some sense to it all. 

We begin the episode with Grey Worm and the Unsullied and Bron and Jaime overlooking them before the Dothraki come riding up. At first, I’ll be honest, I was wondering how the hell Grey Worm managed to escape Casterly Rock while Euron surrounded the place with his ships? Of course, it’s because everyone’s going to the Dragonpit meeting and bringing the might of their armies in the case it all goes to shit. I find that interesting because if not for this meeting, I believed there was no way Grey Worm would’ve come out unscathed. I still feel like either Grey Worm or Missandei is going to die soon and it’s going to take a large toll on the other, forcing them to question their previously unwavering loyalty to Dani. 

Nevertheless, this episode isn’t about that. It was just a stray thought. Let’s move onto the next scene, which I found interesting. Jon looks towards King’s Landing and asks, “why would anyone want to live there?” which just goes to cement his love for the North. So repeat after me, Jon Snow would never be happy in King’s Landing or anywhere south of Winterfell. It’s not who he is. It’ll never be who he is because Jon Snow is loyal to the North. Although it really doesn’t feel like it this episode, we’ll get to that in a moment. 

There are a lot of reunions happening during the Dragonpit scenes. A lot of it feels very gratuitous, like D&D is all ‘look we got all your favs in one place, isn’t this cool!’ But nah D&D, what would be cool is a consistent and sensical plot with character continuity. Nevertheless, this is what we got and I did really love the interactions between Tyrion and Podrick, Tyrion and Bronn and the original OT3 together again. Also, the little exchange between Brienne and the Hound was kind of adorable, which is not an adjective I would’ve used for their relationship. I just really liked how proud they both seemed of Arya.

On this walk to the Dragonpit, there was one conversation that I paid particular attention to, which was Jorah talking about the history of the Dragonpit and why it was created:

“Dragons don’t understand the difference between what is theirs and what isn’t. Land, livestock, children. Letting them roam free around the city was a problem.”

We’ve already seen that this is the case with Dani’s dragons when it burnt a child and I feel like this may come up again in S8. Look, if centuries of Targaryens couldn’t control their dragons, how will Dani? She ain’t that special. Even she’s said that those dragons can’t be tamed. They’re a danger to Westeros, just as the Others are. Both ‘Ice’ and ‘Fire’ are destructive forces to the fate of the Seven Kingdoms. By the end of the story, both will die. 

Keep reading

Why the Disney guys are great

ERIC: He loves his dog. He plays the flute really well and that’s hard to do. Really gentle and sweet. When he found Ariel on the beach he took her home and took care of her. Great smile. Is a chill guy but will also not hesitate to stab and kill an evil sea witch with his boat.

PHILIP: Hears a pretty sound and follows it. Great singing voice. Never realizes that the girl he fell in love with is the princess he’s supposed to marry. Falls so in love that the first thing he does is go to his father and tell him. Has that goofy little hat with a feather. Fought a motherfucking dragon on a cliff.

NAVEEN: Immediately takes off his royal suit into a civilians outfit and disappears playing ukulele. Even though he’s turned into a frog he’s still oozing confidence. Can only mince food, doesn’t know how to do anything else. Made a ring out of scrap even though they’re frogs. Is willing to give everything up as long as Tiana gets her restaurant. Has that nice curl that falls onto his forehead. Unplaceable yet charming accent.

HERCULES: His strength too big for his goddamn body. Goes from zero to a hundred real quick. Even though he can deck a monster in a minute flat he has no idea how to talk to girls. Socially awkward. Good with kids. Can do a push-up on one finger. When told to use his head he took it literally. Punched his uncle, the god of the underworld, in the face.

FLYNN RIDER: Sarcasm galore. The Smolder. Drop dead gorgeous looks. Doesn’t mind that he’s on a wanted poster but does mind that they can’t get his nose right. Is the only one who sees it’s weird to randomly start singing. Can’t fight for shit, barley manages to make do with a frying pan. Has the most ridiculous birth name in Disney history. Got stabbed in the gut but cut Rapunzel’s hair to save her, not at all caring about himself. First words after not dying aren’t “I love you” but “I have a thing for brunettes” because of corse they are.

ADAM: Swooshes his cape around in the shadows like some kind of wannabe batman. Is extra as fuck. Still acts like a child sometimes. Has had no social interaction for years but is trying his best. Gets easily confused. Doesn’t know what to do when he realizes he has feelings for people. Is too shy to tell Belle he loves her. Feels bad the second after he scares Belle away. Would literally rather die then live without the girl he loves. Has the most extra transformation back into a human while everyone else doesn’t.

MAUI: Gets scared easily. Amazing hair. That little face he makes when he can’t use his hook right. Was building a statue of himself in his cave like a dork. Magic tattoos. Can’t fish to save his life. Gave humans fire and wind and coconuts. That smirk he does, you know the one. Great sense of humor. Did everything he could think of to make humans happy so they would like him. Was a total puppy when he got his hook back and fixed.

FERDINAND: So fucking sweet and gentle. Has a name that tells us he doesn’t even need Snow White for animals to follow him around. Sings to Snow White when she’s on her balcony like a modern day Romeo. Knows when Snow White went missing because he kept visiting and goes to look for her right away. Is literally heartbroken when he finds her, thinking she’s dead and is overjoyed when she wakes up. A good boy, a soft boy. Literally has done zero things wrong in his entire life.

ALADDIN: Tricked the genie right off the bat. Jumped right in to help Jasmine with the guards. Steals food but ends up giving it to orphan children living in the street. Is the most selfless person in Agrabah. Quick thinker and can outsmart anyone. Is one of the only Disney princes who actually know how to sword fight. Has matching hats with his pet monkey.

LI SHANG: Sexuality crisis. “You fight good”. Turns a bunch of losers into warriors. Rarely ever wears a shirt for some reason. Tries out his new title of captain alone in his tent all exited like a little kid. Doesn’t give up, not once, on anything. Would literally die for Mulan. Fine as hell.

CHARMING: Gets bored at his own ball. Is a hopeless romantic. Doesn’t care for people who gush over him because he’s the prince, and in fact took interest in Cinderella because she was the only one not doing that. Jumped out a window for Cinderella. Is a super supportive husband. Went door to door looking for Cinderella, determined to find her no matter what. Good dancer.

FELIX: Doesn’t know how to be mean. Considers totally harmless words bad language. Ridiculously short. That video game sound when he jumps. Thinks that by saying Ralph’s catchphrase it will give him Ralph’s power to wreck stuff as well. Can speak qbertese. Dripping with southern farm boy charm. Is a shit dancer but that’s what makes it fun to watch. After accidentally triggering Calhoun he respects her making him leave and never uses the phrase again. Pulls Vanellope back from danger on the rainbow bridge and then makes sure she stays behind him. “Do you think they’ll stop there?” “YES!”


(( If I missed any that you want to see, just let me know & I’ll make a part 2! ))

Talks Machina Highlights: Episode 94
  • Denise message: “MY WORDS ARE A SPELL I’M CASTING ON YOU ALL”
  • Everybody will be in next week’s ep for the continuation of Liam’s one-shot!
  • If Pike had been in the Nine Hells, Percy probably would’ve signed the contract secretly as opposed to up-front. She’s the only one who can actually evoke shame in them at this point.
  • Taliesin was planning the entire time to scry on Scanlan and has been trying to make an excuse to steal the Scrying Eye for weeks.
  • Pike’s moment with the earring, talking to Scanlan, was 100% improv.
  • Laura suspects Sam wouldn’t have been able to pull off Scanlan’s departure if Pike had been there. As it was, after the show went on break, Sam felt so bad that he ran over and gave a hug to everyone. If he’d made Pike cry, according to Laura: “he’d be UNFORGIVABLE.”
  • Taliesin semi-bullshitted the Grey Hunt stuff and Matt rolled with it. Taliesin gave him a ride to the airport the next day and they talked about how much they enjoyed how it worked out.
  • Laura points out that she’s the type of gamer who reloaded the game 20 times in ME3 to try to find a way to get a resolution that would be good for everyone when one didn’t exist, and she had that same sense of frustration when she got home after the game. She was really upset over the resolution of the Grey Hunt, but is feeling a bit better knowing it at least wasn’t failure.
  • Ashley and Travis both briefly thought the Grey Hunt was gonna be a weird proposal. Taliesin: “I feel like in our friends group the proposals have been getting more and more ridiculous. That would be the meta-continuation.”
  • Taliesin points out that Percy has a problem with abandonment and the whole thing with Scanlan is hitting his “really serious anger management issues.” Percy was hoping to get Vex’s vague permission/help over the Scanlan thing, and when it wasn’t forthcoming, he changed his plans to be less extreme. Percy’s also dealing with guilt over not feeling useful in the underwater fight, and is displacing that as anger over Scanlan not being there to mitigate that issue.
  • Pike’s got a lot of lingering resentment over Scanlan leaving.
  • Vex would’ve approached the Hunt differently if she’d known more about the creature ahead of time. Everyone decides that it probably killed a lot of small, cute woodland creatures when it threw the tree at Vex.
  • Percy’s most angry about Scanlan leaving the group and abandoning his responsibilities. Everyone else has to deal with the horrible shit going on, but he’s the one who gets to fall apart.
  • Ashley was disappointed not to be in the Hells—she was wondering if she might’ve had a permanent shift in her personality as a result of staying there. Ashley really struggled with playing Pike as a good character early in the home game.
  • Vex was at 10 HP at the end of the Hunt. Taliesin didn’t think there was a real chance of death there, because Matt’s great at building tests that are terribly difficult but not fatal, but was more worried that she was gonna fail. Laura: “God, I would’ve felt like a loser!”
  • Ashley and Laura have both kept themselves from watching the scene that was just Taliesin and Sam and Matt in the room.
  • The idea of leaving with Scanlan crossed Ashley’s mind when she watched the episode, but it’s tough to tell what would’ve happened if she’d been there, because so much of the show is in-the-moment.
  • Vex thinks of Whitestone as home, more than Greyskull.
  • Pike feels some guilt over Scanlan’s departure because of the pranking. “I never thought he would be mad at something like that, of all people.” Percy didn’t feel bad about it, because that’s not where Scanlan’s anger really came from. Pike still feels bad, knowing that.
  • Poor Brian has food poisoning and had to run off-set midway through the show. Ashley jumps in to take over. “Okay, Laura and Ashley. Uh. Me.”
  • Taliesin says Percy and Cassandra don’t really talk about personal things—she probably doesn’t know about Vex, although she suspects. They love each other and all, but they’re not a very warm family. “It’s cold and we live in a castle, for god’s sake.” Laura sums it up: “Cassandra is no Vax.” Percy and Cassandra weren’t super close as kids. “She was a brat.”
  • Brian judges Ashley for not coming up with a funnier excuse for his running off-screen.
  • Vex and Vax have been growing into their own people over the past few months, but Laura doesn’t know how Vex will deal with being in Whitestone without having Vax around, without the comfort of knowing the person she loves most is nearby.
  • Percy has come up with contingency plans for if the other party members go rogue. Brian: “Tell me about it.” Taliesin: “No. They’re in the room.”
  • Vex has an affinity for nature, and while she’s growing accustomed to Whitestone, she’s more comfortable not being around people, because it lets her keep from putting on an act.
  • Before Pike died, her hair was black (with a purple streak), and after she died, her hair turned white.
  • Ashley gets asked about Pike’s parents and grandparents, and there is a story there, but she refuses to answer in case it comes up in the game.
  • Someone asks about Percy breaking his "honesty streak.” Taliesin: “It’s not an honesty streak, it’s just a period of not being caught lying.” Laura: “People think [Percy]’s much better than he is.” 
  • Blurbs on the back of Tary’s book. Percy: “A fascinating addition to the Audubon chronicles of Emon.” Vex: “Don’t believe the lies.” Pike: “I enjoyed the artwork in particular. Great read, but the artwork is fantastic. By the late and great artist, Doty(e), someone whom we used to know.”

Talks Machine in the Dark:

  • If Pike had a companion along the lines of Trinket, it would be a baby snow owl.
  • Taliesin wants fanart of Strawberry Shortcake-esque little animal pets for all of them.
  • Taliesin hasn’t thought about what Grog’s title would entail. “Now that you’ve said it, I’m having thoughts, and they’re all ridiculous and a little mean.”
  • Favorite spells outside their class: all agree that Chromatic Spray is cool. Taliesin misses using Prestidigitation. Brian: “I don’t have that spell because I can’t pronounce it.”
  • Percy smells like sandalwood and gunpowder.
  • After a long debate over which character would win in a Survivor AU, they eventually decide everyone would survive and they’d all do just fine together.
  • Ashley and Laura have matching compass tattoos, along with two more of their friends—they each have a direction.
  • High-school superlatives. Pike: “Best legs.” Percy would have a series along the lines of “President of chess club, president of yearbook club. Most likely to help make the yearbook.” 
[LYRICS] Spring Day by BTS (Japanese Version)

Japanese

会いたい
言葉にすると余計
会いたい
君の写真見るとね
会いたい でも時間がない
ただ過ぎていく
時の中自らを責めまた
遠くなる願い

まるで冬のようさ 夏でも吹雪くようさ
心を乗せた列車 すでに雪の中
いっそ君と地球の裏側へ 手を掴んでもう 逃げたい
どれだけ降れば 春の日が来るのだろう
Friend

この大空を舞う粉雪のよう
粉雪のよう
舞えるなら君へ
すぐ辿りつけるはずなのに

雪の花びら
舞い降り
消えていった
会いたい
会いたい
どれほど 想えば
凍える夜 数えれば
ねぇ、会えるの?
出会えるの?

冬の終わりを告げる
優しい春の日まで
花咲くまで
いて欲しいそのまま
そのまま

君が変わった?
じゃなきゃ僕が変わった
この流れる時に堪え
また変わるのだろうな
みんなそうだろう、なぁ?

そうさ君が 離れた今
ぶれることはなかった想いは
変わらないさ だけど今は別れよう
その方がもう苦しくないから

冷めた君がそう この吐息のよう この吐息のよう
積もる思い出はこんなにまだ残っているのに

雪の花びら
舞い降り
消えていった
会いたい
会いたい
どれほど 想えば
凍える夜 数えれば
ねぇ、会えるの?
出会えるの?

You know it all
You’re my best friend
また朝は来るのさ
どんな夜も どんな季節も
終わりは来るから

桜が花咲き
冬がもう終わるよ
会いたい
会いたい
ほんの少しだけ幾夜か数えたら
会いに行くよ
迎えに行くよ

冬の終わりを告げる
優しい春の日まで
花咲くまで
いて欲しいそのまま
そのまま

English

I miss you
Putting it into words like this makes me miss you more
When I look at pictures of you
I miss you
But I don’t have time
Amidst the realm of time I blame myself
And my wish gets further away again

It’s as if it’s winter, it’s as if it’ll blizzard even in the summer
A train that has my heart on it, it’s already in the snow
I want to go with you to the other side of the earth, grab your hand, and just run away
How much does it have to snow until a spring day comes?
Friend

Like fine snow that drifts in the wide sky
Like fine snow
If I could drift away to you
I’d be able to reach you quickly, but…

Petals of snow
They drifted down
And then disappeared
I miss you
I miss you
How much do I have to wish
How many freezing nights do I have to count
To be able to see you?
To be able to meet you?

Until the kind spring day that tells us the end of winter
Until the flowers bloom
I want you to stay, just like this
Just like this

You changed?
If not, then I changed
To bear this passing of time
I guess change happens again
It must be like that for everyone, right?

That’s right, this moment in which you left
My feelings that never wavered won’t change
But let’s separate for now
Because that’ll be less painful

Your now cold self is like this sigh, like this sigh
Even though there are so many of these piled up memories left

Petals of snow
They drifted down
And then disappeared
I miss you
I miss you
How much do I have to wish
How many freezing nights do I have to count
To be able to see you?
To be able to meet you?

You know it all
You’re my best friend
Morning will come again
Because all nights and all seasons
Have an end

The cherry blossoms bloom
And the winter is about to end
I miss you
I miss you
If I can count out even just a couple of nights
I’ll go see you
I’ll go pick you up

Until the kind spring day that tells us the end of winter
Until the flowers bloom
I want you to stay, just like this
Just like this

Trans cr; Maya & Mari @ bts-trans
© TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Chapter 67 in Baz's POV (shitpost version)
  • Simon: What I'm saying is... I like to look at you.
  • Baz's mind: asdfghjksdb what
  • Simon: I like this, all of this that we've been doing
  • Baz's mind: bAZ HES TALKINH ABT THE G A Y
  • Baz: .......
  • Simon: I like you
  • Baz's mind: KAHNSKSVDHSJSHAJ
  • Simon: And I don't even care that you don't like me, I'm used to it.
  • Baz's mind: kahsbja bitch WHAT??!!????? Are u???? Talkin bout???????!!!?!!?? I FUCKIN LOVE YOU SNOW KSHSJSJDBS
  • Simon: I like you, Baz. I like this. I like helping you. I like knowing that you're okay. When you didn't come to school this autumn, when you were missing....I thought I was going to lose my mind.
  • Baz's mind: BAz thaAT WAS so fuCkIng gay TELL HIM IT WAS FUCKING GAY!!!?!?????
  • Baz: you thought I was plotting against you.
  • Baz's mind: no you're supposed to call him gay and then kiss him dO YOU KNOW NOTHING BASIL
  • Simon: ya. and i missed u
  • Baz's mind: THAT IS?????ALSO GAY?????
  • Baz: theres something wrong with you
  • Baz's mind: nah man he's just fUCKIN GAY WHAT ARE??? YOU WAITING FOR BAZ?????
  • Simon: I know. But I still want this, if you let me have it.
  • Baz's mind: ??????? Want wat
  • Baz: wat is this snow
  • Simon: This. I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible boyfriend.
  • Baz's mind: ?????????!!?!!?!! Aiajvsbsjsns. HOLY SHIT JABSJAOAHSVBAJW DID HE JUST-
  • Baz's mind: oh fuck foods here gOTTA BLAST
  • time skip~~~
  • Baz: snow ur an idiot
  • Baz's mind: yes Baz he is but so are you teLL HIM YES YOU WANNA GO OUT WITH HIM
  • Baz: uh
  • Baz: but you can have
  • Baz: this
  • Baz: if you want it
  • Baz's mind: good job Baz you are now boyfriedns
  • Baz's mind: also ur really bad at this oh my g od