but i did this during work which is an experience one should not have

iwasapruneratfaverolles  asked:

PLEASE TELL THE CHILDREN THE STORY OF MS. STUBELS

Grace fuck, why would you invoke her name like that???

Okay, fine, gather round children, buckle up because we’re going on a bumpy ride back to everyone’s collective least favorite place: 7th grade.

Some background: I went to a very small Catholic school. One class per grade (we were the largest with 19 kids), everyone knew each other whether they wanted to or not. Despite basically every teacher and faculty members insistence that we were The Best And Most Special Class In The School and that everyone loved having us, the longstanding 7th grade teacher Mrs. O’Hara decided to retire in the summer of 2008, meaning the school had to find us a new teacher for the upcoming year. This would be like, the first new teacher in the school in a while, and as she was getting the ‘best class’, it was viewed as a Big Deal. Somewhere in like July or August we got a letter announcing Mrs. Stubel, and it came with a list of books to pick for the summer reading, and that was basically all the information we had.

So…the first day of class. She seems nice enough. Very…ditsy, I guess? It was very easy for her to get herself off topic while talking. She constantly paced around the room, never staying in one spot for longer than a second, complaining she has restless leg syndrome. Which like, I’m sure she did, but she was in the middle of introducing herself and then went on a 20 minute tangent about restless leg syndrome without anyone prompting her. It was almost like you could see her scattered thoughts flying around her head.

So anyone, she eventually gives somewhat of an introduction- she had only taught in public schools before, and kept worrying she ‘didn’t know’ how to teach in a Catholic school despite the entire class insisting literally nothing was different, you just teach the curriculum, twice a week we have religion class with Sister Mary King, that’s literally it (she still talked over us in worry), she told us about her kids, she told us about her obsession with Emily Dickinson, stuff like that.

And then she hands us this worksheet.

She’s like, “Oh, these are just some basic questions for you to answer! Just so I can get to know you guys better!” like in lieu of an icebreaker game, which is fine, but…the questions. The questions were all “What is your most haunting fear?”, “What is your deepest regret?”, “Have you ever experienced the pain of loss?”, “What was your worst injury?”, “What was your worst nightmare?”, all questions like that, and then on the back she wanted us to draw a gravestone and write out what we wanted our epitaph to be.

We were twelve year olds, mind you.

Oh my God and one girl missed the first day because of her grandmother’s funeral, so when she came the next day and saw what the teacher was insisting she do for homework, she almost had a panic attack? And the lady still made her do it? Literally who wants to think about death anymore at a time like that omfg.

Okay, so then we get to the summer reading book reports, right? Now, she had given a list of maybe, 20 books that you could pick from, read it, and then present an oral report on it. You had to have notecards and you had to be able to answer questions from the class at the end. All in all, I’ve had worse projects.

So, on this list, she apparently put Madeleine L’Engle’s entire book series on the list…only she did not make it known that this was a series and not multiple stand alone books, so when reports started up it caused mass-panic of kids trying to put together plot points and make connections on what the hell they had read.

I was the only kid in the class who had chosen to read “A Wrinkle In Time”, and that has since lead to a series of events that…really actually scares me, I’m still incredibly freaked out, I’m not going to get into it right now because it’ll take away from the current story, but just know that I’m not above wondering if it only happened because I read the book for Stubel.

Anyway, so like, I got through the report okay. The class asking questions about it was fine, but the teacher kept asking questions that didn’t make sense, like, at all. My friend Angie has always had super neat handwriting and Mrs. Stubel got like, obsessed with her notecards and asked if she could borrow them for something. When we got our grades back a few weeks later, Angie had points taken off for not having notecards.

And then her teaching just…didn’t happen. She’d never stay on a topic, she’d always get herself distracted! We were not learning anything. And like, this wasn’t a class of advanced smart kids that loved to learn. By all accounts we should’ve been thrilled. But it got out of hand. It got to points where we had to start teaching lessons to ourselves, asking teacher from other grades for help, always coming home in tears, complaining constantly to our parents and the principal because this woman wasn’t teaching us anything. There were two kids who asked her multiple times for extra help, and she told them each time to ‘talk to me after school’, but then she’d leave immediately after school so they wouldn’t be able to talk to her. They finally brought up the issue in the middle of class and she had a breakdown, yelling about how nobody ever thinks that maybe the teacher has a lot of work to do, and maybe she’s entitled to taking off early, but when we tried to argue she shouldn’t schedule meetings and then break them off in the name of relaxation, she stormed out of the room and tried to get the principal to give us detention. (Which, like, our school didn’t even do, and she was the only one in the wrong during this situation) We are still in September at this point, and already at least ten kids have parents considering transferring them to another school. (And remember, there was only 19 of us, and most of the class had been together since preschool, so that was a big deal).

Then, she starts coming in with all the weird bruises. All the Moms™ immediately started gossiping that her husband had to be beating her, and that’s why she was so screwy in the head. But the way she talked about her husband made it seem like he *might* be dead, and we actually did witness her fall and smack her head into a doorknob once, so no one really knew what to believe. (Also, I’m not trying to imply that abuse would make someone crazy or ‘damaged’ or anything, this is just what was being said. I think they were trying to turn her into a more sympathetic character, because if you feel sorry for her you don’t have to hate her for frustrating your kids so much, and Hate Is A Bad Emotion.)

Also…this woman and Emily Dickinson.

She talked about Emily Dickinson every chance she could get. None of us knew who Emily Dickinson really was before she got there and you could see in her mind it was a capitol offense. She found out the curriculum didn’t have room to cover her (because like, we had a text book), and was way too upset about it. She started reading her poems whenever she found the time (usually somewhere in history class), and always gave us very detailed accounts about her dressing up as Emily and reading her poetry at the library.

Now, two things to note here:

  1. The library did not hire her to do this. She would literally just get in the mood, put on an Emily Dickinson costume that she made by herself, drive to different libraries, and just read poetry out loud to everyone there until someone eventually asked her to leave.
  2. The way she described these events…her tone, the look on her face, her posture…you could just tell that she was getting some sort of sexual gratification out of this? Like dressing up as Emily Dickinson in public and reading her sad poems is really what got this lady’s jollies rocking? Got her all hot and bothered? Which is…a lot, but why would you tell a bunch of seventh graders about it holy shit. What about that sounds like a good idea! What about that turns you back on!

So anyway, we learned a lot about Emily Dickinson against our will.

One of the Davids™ was reading a book for pleasure- which shouldn’t have been a shocker, a lot of kids always had books on them, but Stubel got really interested and asked if she could borrow it from him. He was like ‘sure, after I finish it?’ but she took it that day. He asked her for it back for like five weeks straight.

And…the strudels.

Okay, so the school was trying some dorky thing to promote ~togetherness~ or some virtue or something, I don’t remember the specifics of why, but each class had to make a huge themed poster and hang it on the wall outside the classroom. Which was like, whatever, not the most thrilling project but at least it allowed us to be productive vs just sitting there as the teacher runs about the room rambling about her family vacation from four years ago. Mrs. Stubel decided we needed a quirky nickname and after like three days of deliberation we were christened “Stubel’s Special Strudels”!

(points for alliteration or whatever, but no one actually voted for that and what exactly do strudels have to do with Catholicism? It became a big running joke amongst the kids)

Also, in case you were wondering, she didn’t explain the assignment correctly to us- so every other class had like these beautiful, artistic, well-themed and put together posters, while ours was just…literally a bunch of shit thrown together on paper. Nothing fit with each other, it was literally embarrassing to look at.

But then…she wouldn’t drop the strudel thing. Like she kept bringing it up. She got really into strudels and would just tell us random shit about them. Finally, someone jokes that we should get strudels one day for a party (like instead of a pizza party), and she’s Freaking Out and On Board. She really wants to buy us strudels and have a breakfast party now. She talked about it for like two days straight.

So like… you know in school when you would have a pizza party, usually the teacher would buy it? That’s how they always happened in my experience (not counting the last day of 10th grade when some kid had pizza delivered to the school for lunch but it didn’t get there until math class lol). But especially in grade school? Like if it wasn’t a PTA made party that’s super organized, the school would buy the food, right? Right?

Yeah, so she was like, if this is happening you guys need to give me the money. Just give me the money and then I’ll pick them up on my way to work!! And after some arguing some kids are on board. Strudels should only cost a couple dollars right?

And she’s like, oh no, I’m gonna get them from this high end bakery near my house so it’ll be special, but they’re not cheap and it’ll be a big order! I’m gonna need like fifteen dollars from each of you!

And at this point I’m just like…lady. Come on. 

But she keeps insisting. She’s not gonna go until every student in class pays up.

And I’m like…I’m poor. I don’t even like strudel.  And some of the less-naïve kids are siding with me.

And then she pulls that “you guys are just spoiling all the fun for your classmates” shit, like the naïve kids who already paid up, so it gets to the point where we just gotta cave and give her the money.

(I ended up stealing it out of my Crazy Bitch Aunt’s wallet so it’s whatever, I guess.)

And then of course, shockingly enough, every morning she was met with “where are the strudels?” and every morning she went wide eyed, slapped her forehead and yelled in embarrassed horror “I totally forgot! Tomorrow, guys, I promise!”

Honestly, with how scatterbrained and confused she always was…like to this day I can’t tell you with 100% certainty whether she hustled us or was just actually forgetting about the damn pastries, I choose to lean towards the hustled us side because that’s just the type of people I’m used to, but if I found out it was innocent forgetfulness I wouldn’t exactly be surprised.

She couldn’t handle more than one person talking at a time. Like, we’d have break periods, or group work, or something and all the talking made her go wide-eyed and batty. She’d look overworked and anxious and would be darting around the room trying to do work or something but she couldn’t focus and she’d yell at anyone who tried to talk to her directly. I remember one time she was using this boys desk for something so he asked “where am I supposed to sit?” and she snapped “Sit on the ceiling for all I care!”. And this kid was the Class Clown™ , so he immediately grabbed a chair in one hand and started climbing the bookcase to try and reach the ceiling. She’s standing right next to this and doesn’t even notice. He got all four chair legs planted on the ceiling and was trying to somehow maneuver his way into the chair (I really don’t know what the plan was exactly- he was really tall and it was a small building, so I think he probably had the idea that if he can get his body upside down and in the chair, and stretch out his arms like a hand-stand to hold onto bookcase, he could arguably sit on the ceiling.) but he slipped. Crashed into my desk and the two desks next to me, knocked over the book case, broke the chair in half and hit the desks with enough force to knock them down lower. It was hilarious. Everyone was loosing their shit cracking up (he was fine) and it still took Stubel like five minutes to notice his lying out across the desks right in front of her eyes. She was pissed but how did she miss any of it in the first place? She was barely being helpful in whatever it was she was trying to do.

This was the year the Phillies were going to the World Series, and all the grades were having a Phillies Rally in the cafeteria so a news crew was coming to the school and each class was supposed to come up with fun little cheers for them to broadcast. Multiple cheer ideas were presented to her and she vetoed all of them, someone even suggested just singing the damn eagles theme song with replaced words and calling it a day but she vetoed that too, she was very adamant that she could come up with a cheer all by herself and it’ll be the best one (whoever had the best cheer was winning like an ice cream day or something idk). And then like…literally five minutes before the rally she just hands us signs with the letters and was like ‘we’re just gonna spell out Phillies it will be cute won’t it my strudels???’. We were the weakest class there, predictably. I think we lost to the kindergarteners. There might still be a video online of me yelling “ i “ passionately at the top of my lungs. It was online bc our cheer was so bland the news crew cut it out of the broadcast.

I literally can’t say enough about how she never taught us anything. She’d be going on some tangent about how she doesn’t understand the science behind skiing, and I’d be like “Okay yes but please can you just tell me where Romania is on a map???” And she’d start fights whenever someone actually wanted to learn. It was so easy to get her angry but so hard for her to stay on topic. Kids started teaching the class themselves! Like seriously, she’d be rambling and one of us would just go up to the podium, open the teacher’s guide textbook and just start reading out loud and talking over her. By the time she noticed we’d be halfway through a lesson. And we understood it better than when she tried! You know something’s wrong when pre-teens are more qualified for a job than an adult who supposedly went to school for this.

We were in the church having run-throughs for our upcoming Confirmation and she almost set the church on fire…fifteen different times. In less than half an hour. How hard is it to hold a candle?

Okay, and here’s when stuff starts kicking up. It was October 28th, a Tuesday, and it was our last day of school that week because they were having parent-teacher conferences the rest of the week. So we were just hanging out, watching movies in class and reading (lord knows we weren’t learning), and Stubel calls me over to her desk.

So like, she had given everyone little bags with candy for Halloween, but I get up there and she hands me an extra one. And she’s like “Molly I know your birthday is tomorrow and I bought you a present but I left it on my coffee table this morning by accident! So just have the candy for now!”

And I’m like….”Ma’am I’m like, the sixth birthday this year. You didn’t give anyone else presents?”

And she goes “Oh, I know but this is a special secret surprise. I just know you’re gonna love it! Do you wanna stop by my house later this week to pick it up or should I just give it to you Monday after school?”

And like…In writing this sounds like a non-threatening exchange, and like, it was, but I felt so uncomfortable holy shit. I’m looking over my shoulder and shooting my friends SOS signals. Something about this felt so weird in my gut omfg. I told her thanks and I’d just see her Monday.

So we flash forward to Wednesday- my 13th birthday, the day the Phillies won the world series, and also the day my mother innocently strolled into the school for her meeting only to be met with screaming, the sound of heavy destruction, and the school secretary Mrs. Daily running at her in a panic, waving her arms and yelling “YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED GET IN MY OFFICE NOW!”

So my poor mother, who thought she could handle this whole meeting in a few minutes and barely be an hour late for work, is now barricaded in the front office with the school secretary, as the noises from down the hall get louder and louder. The woman explains that they had gotten so many complaints about Mrs. Stubel that this morning, when she got to the school, the principal Sister Patricia called her in and said “Listen, we need you to be professional and still have the parent conferences, but we have to let you go. We just don’t think you fit in well here, and the kids need to come first and feel comfortable in their school.” and like, I’m paraphrasing because I wasn’t there, but we all know she was very polite and professional about it.

Mrs. Stubel, however…was not.

She flipped her chair and stormed out of the office, and locks herself in the seventh grade classroom. She started wrecking the shit out of that place, screaming obscenities and the top of her lungs, they had to call the cops on her! She was locked in there for almost an hour! And let me just give you a nice little list of everything she did in that classroom:

  • Smashed three windows.
  • Threw everything off her desk and carved swear words all over it.
  • Got cleaning fluid that she knew would damage the chalk boards, smeared it all over.
  • Cracked the chalk boards by repeatedly smashing chairs against them.
  • Wrote swear words all over the walls and on desks
  • Went into students desks, ripped up their books.
  • Stole my glasses. (which were in my desk bc I only used them in class at the time)
  • Threw some desks around.
  • Carved swear words into the boards. (there was so much carving I’m assuming she just had a knife on her person, which has to lead to the question, did she have a knife on her while she was in class with us?)
  • Physically ripped the hooks to hang backpacks on out of the wall.
  • Knocked the closet door off it’s hinges.
  • Ripped up all the books in the bookcases and threw their pages all around the room.
  • Wrote lewd phrases inside student’s desks.
  • Broke multiple chairs.
  • Used her podium as a battering ram against the wall that’s in front of where the backpacks go. (the wall won but Damage Was Inflicted)
  • Set a fire in the trash can.
  • When the principal and other teachers started trying to get in, she tossed her rolling chair at the door to scare them off.
  • She was screaming curse words at the top of her lungs the entire time, and cursing the school and the kids and the principal and the church in general, and the school building was small, so all the parents and the smaller children that had to come to the meetings (who were locked in their respective classrooms in fear) heard everything.
  • So much more? But it’s 4:30 in this morning and this list is already long.

So my mom is in the front office and deadass the

entire police force

shows up, running down the hallway to the classroom yelling at her to stop, and it takes a while for them to get her out holy shit. They knocked down the door and she tried to escape out of one of the broken windows! But they got her and dragged her out.

So of course, in such a small school with very involved parents this shit spread like wildfire. The entire town knew within the day. The poor principal called the newly retired old-seventh grade teacher and was like “So we…need some help” and the lady was like “I already heard I’ll be there Monday” omfg. I remember I got a text from one of my classmates saying “if your birthday wish was for us to be set free from the beast I love you” omfg.

So, we eventually go back to school on Monday and everyone’s buzzing. The principal has us go to the cafeteria and she ‘delicately’ explains the situation, and that the old teacher is coming out of retirement for us, the school has a restraining order against Mrs. Stubel now and that she’s sorry we had to deal with this mess. Our classroom had to go under some heavy reconstruction before we could be let back in there, so for like two weeks we alternated between the cafeteria and the preschooler’s classroom, we had no books or anything, just provided loose-leaf paper and pens. It was like, surreal, but everyone was just so happy to be rid of her and to be in the presence of a competent teacher omfg. We eventually were able to get back into our usual classroom.

  1. It took a while for things to go completely back to normal, though. After the big spectacle she made, for weeks after she was fired we were all very scared of the possibility of Mrs. Stubel returning to the school with a gun in hand. It was always a topic we whispered about at lunch with wide eyes and shivers. Like…genuine nightmare scenario.
  2. About two weeks after she was fired, a boy in the back of the classroom gasped loudly during SSR, and when we all looked at him, he whispered in anger “She never gave us our freakin’ strudels!”
  3. About three months after she was fired, we were lined up at the door to go to Library when a few of us looked through the windows and saw something darting through the trees. It was fast and we couldn’t make anything out, so we let it drop. When the class and teacher returned half and hour later, the book she had borrowed months before from one of the boys was sitting on his desk. It was just laying there, the room was silent, nothing had been disturbed…but I have never seen a book look so threatening. People were freaking out. Someone kept insisting that she turned the book into a bomb. No one figure out how she got in the school, and no one could figure out how she got it on the right desk, as we had switched the seating arrangement since she had last been there.  
  4. A full six months after she had left, it was nearing the end of the school year and our class was dicking around during our last computer class. Someone found a website (that we weren’t allowed to be on) that pulls up any police records attached to whoever’s name you enter, so someone decided to search Mrs. Stubel as a joke. We ended up finding out she had like six DUI’s.

Aaaaand that’s the story of the horrendous teacher I had for two months in 7th grade. One of my favorite party stories but tbh she still haunts me™ .

What measure is a non-humanoid?


I’ve written before about how omnics are treated in-universe, and without meaning to Blizzard brought up a good question, which is the difference between humanoid omnics like Zenyatta and the Shambali monks and the decidedly more alien omnics like those affiliated with Null Sector. 

On one hand we have the human-omnic audience during Mondatta’s speech about unity, all omnics which have some semblance of a face.

Whenever the focus is on the omnics’ fight for their rights, they’re at the forefront, the sympathetic metal-humans who just want to live their lives. 
Compare them to Null Sector.

No faces, different legs, non-human proportions. They’re the evil ones, the extremists, the terrorists who’d rather blow all King’s Row to hell than enter in a civilised dialogue about their rights. 

They hold several humans hostage but they also have Mondatta, who you’d think should be on their side if not approving of their methods. But to them he and the mayor of London are one and the same. What did Mondatta do to earn their ire?
Why aren’t there non-humanoid omnics in the audience at his speech? Why is the first time we see a significant non-humanoid omnic presence when they’re threatening to blow up the city?

Keep reading

The Ultimate Guide to POT Dates

POT
noun, (pronounced: pē-oh-tē)
A potential Sugar Daddy. This is a man you have not met yet, but are considering starting an arrangement with, or have been on a date with, but haven’t established anything solid yet. In short, a man who you think could potentially be your sugar daddy, but aren’t quite sure yet.

So you’ve checked out his profile, messaged with him a little, decided he could be the one for you; the main question asked now is - what do I do next?

The answer is simple, but for the Sugar Babies who are new, it’s often terrifying. Using the experience I’ve gotten after being a Sugar Baby for a while, I’ve put together a complete guide on how to handle that very first date, so that maybe it goes a little smoother than mine did! xo

Before You Meet

  • Get a feel for him over messaging/text - There’s nothing worse than being stuck for an hour or two with a man who has an attitude, is full of himself, or is just salty, that’s why it’s important to work out what type of person he is. 
                    ‣ Identifying Factors:
                            - He has a sleezy username on SA: if his username is ‘CunnilingusMaster69′ or something along those lines, it’s blatantly obvious what’s he looking for.
                            - His responses don’t mirror yours: think about conversational mirroring and use it to help you gauge the success of your conversation. It’s a form of social psychology that is pretty important to how anyone is perceived. If you’re typing out paragraph after paragraph and he is replying with short responses (or vice versa), it’s obvious one party is more interested than the other.
                            - He asks for sexual photos: if he’s asking for sexual photos without even met with you for the first time, then he’s got one thing on his mind and it’s probably pay per play. However, most Sugar Daddy’s will ask for extra photo’s, to make sure you’re not catfishing them, so be ready for that request and have extra photo’s you can send that aren’t on your profile (I usually send one cute selfie and a second full body pic in a nice outfit.) Please note: Snapchat ‘puppy’ filter selfies are not appropriate to send as an additional selfie, maybe once you’ve met him a few times, but not prior to a first meet. You’re already younger than him, there is no need to make yourself seem even younger.
                            - He asks you questions of a sexual nature (ie: your favorite position, sexual history, what you’re into, kinkiest desires, etc): there is absolutely no need for tacky sexual questions, especially if you two haven’t met before. It is important to understand that yes, sugaring is based on sex, sugaring is sex work, but it’s not only sex. Sugaring is about companionship, chemistry, new experiences, and then sex. If he requires a detailed list of what you will or will not do sexually just to meet you for the first time, then he is obviously not looking for a sugar arrangement, he’s just looking for pay per play (which is fine if pay per play is what you’re looking for, each sugar baby is entitled to her own wants and desires out of an arrangement).
                   ‣ Tip:
                           - Whenever an SD asks me “what i am willing to do”, i always reply with this. It’s elegant, polite, and successfully moves the conversation to other topics.
  • Get as many details about him as you can - Meeting someone off the internet is always a little unnerving, especially when it’s a man twice or three times your age. To feel safer, ask for as many details from him as you can, then reverse search the information you have (ie: his phone number, email, name, etc.) to find out his address, income, family members, and other information of the sort. The same goes with photo’s, reverse search them to find out company info, criminal history, and if he’s on any other sites (this helps cross-check age, location, and other facts he has listed on his profile).
  • Choose an identity and stick to it - Think about the type of person you want to convey (ie: the struggling but motivated university student, the driven twenty-something, the educated single mother, the urban socialite, etc) and build yourself up around that image. If you don’t feel comfortable using your real name with POT’s, use a fake name. Invent fake facts and stories or recall certain facts and stories from your life that correspond to the type of person you want to be. Remember, the more you have, the better. Most POT’s will ask you to some extent, some more than others, about you (ie: your job, your likes/dislikes, your upbringing, your dreams/aspirations, your background, your parents/their occupation, etc) and you will need to be prepared to answer. On the other hand, be prepped with questions to ask him, this date is about getting to know each other, it’s a waste of time if you leave knowing nothing about him.
                  ‣ Tip:
                           - If you’re struggling with coming up with questions, check out this and this, there’s a large variety of questions that you could use.
  • Make sure he understands that absolutely nothing sexual will happen on this date - There should be no sex on a first date, absolutely nothing sexual. If your POT believes that coffee/lunch/dinner/drinks and a hundred dollars should equal sex in the hotel down the block, then you leave him right there and then. We are ladies looking for gentlemen with the means to provide for us and support us. If he’s only interested in sex in exchange for money, then he’s looking for an escort, not a sugar baby. (Note: if sex in exchange for money is what you’re looking for, then go right ahead and make that cash, every girl is allowed to make her own choices!)
  • Agree to meet in a PUBLIC place - Always meet for the first time in a public place (A restaurant, coffee shop, bar, hotel lounge/lobby, etc) because your safety and comfort comes first! If he invites you up to his hotel room for a drink, decline by saying that is something you would love to do sometime, but would feel better meeting in a public space first. If you starts arguing or does not agree to this, drop him. You don’t need to waste your time on an asshole like him. 
                 ‣ Additionally: 
                          - Have your own transportation to and from your meet! Do not get into his car thinking you’ll save a little cash, even if he was kind and definitely legitimate! Personally: I don’t let POT’s get me an Uber home either, I don’t feel comfortable with them knowing my exact address.
  • Ask for a gift - While this isn’t something that is necessary to do, it’s something that I do. If you’re aiming for a gift, make sure to ask after you have made plans to meet or at least a day before you meet, this gives the POT time to either go shopping for you or go to an ATM for some cash. If you’re aiming for travel compensation, then feel free to ask a few hours before or even during the date, travel compensation is something usually all POT’s will agree to. This or this are the ways I use to ask, either one usually work flawlessly.
                 ‣  Keep in mind
                         - It is not a red flag if he declines to bring you a gift! At this point in your relationship, he owes you just as much as you owe him, which is nothing. If he declines, just say that’s it’s okay and then (if you still want a little cash) try the travel compensation method.
  • Text to confirm - One of the worst things is dolling yourself up and then coming out to meet, only to find that your POT actually couldn’t make it. That’s why it’s important to confirm your meeting a few hours before in a quick little text.
  • Stay SAFE - Safety has always and will always be the number one thing in the sugar bowl which is why you need to make sure you have at least one person who know’s who you’re meeting, where, and when. If you don’t feel comfortable telling anyone you know in real life, message me and I will gladly be your safety contact. In addition to having a safety contact, it is always a good idea to carry around a bottle of mace with you, for creepy POT’s and creepy men in general.

During Your Meet

  • Make an entrance - Often,the first part of the conversation happens before you open your mouth, sometimes it happens before you’ve even laid eyes on them. When you enter any room, have your head up and your shoulders down. Don’t strut, but walk gracefully, swaying your hips gently, you can even look up videos of models on catwalks and learn how to walk like they do. Be dramatic, walk like you’re the center of attention - you’re a sugar baby: you’re young, stunning, and seductive. Pause in the entrance and survey the room slowly, let your eyes to travel from one side of the room to the other, until you locate your POT. It may sound a little silly, but a proper entrance will captivate anyone, especially your POT. Knowing how to walk properly and make an entrance is useful in practically every aspect of your life, not just in sugaring. 
  • Keep the focus on them - I’ve noticed that POT’s (and SD’s in general really) love to talk about themselves, some SB’s will even go as far as to say that these men don’t care about the things you say unless it directly relates to them (in my experience this isn’t always true, it depends on the man). Try to find a way to refocus the conversation about him, you will easily become his favorite person to speak to.
                ‣ Additionally:
                         - If he shows pride, you give praise. If he says something, then pauses, and looks at you significantly, he’s waiting for the applause. Be there to give it to him. You don’t even have to think what he did was impressive. You just have to be there ready to dispense a pat on the back  Do not be over dramatic, smile, look impressed, and stroke his ego.
  • Pay attention when he speaks - Be engaged in the conversation: ask questions to further your understanding of the topic, make comments to indicate that you are paying attention, laugh a little to signal that you are having fun, smile to show that you enjoy being in his company, and make eye contact! If you look a person in the eye, it signals that you not only hear what they’re saying but are interested in it. If you have to look away do it slowly, this reinforces your interest and enjoyment of what you’re hearing.
  • Don’t fidget - It ruins your credibility. Often, stillness is compared with integrity. Those that can look someone in the eye and sit still are usually believed over those that try to say something while squirming in their seat. It’s important to have good posture as well, don’t slump in your seat and if you do, catch yourself and correct your posture. 
               ‣  Don’t worry:
                        - Your hair looks fine, your clothing fits you well, and your phone will not explode if you don’t check it for an hour. Your main focus should be your POT, not the little things about your appearance.
  • Relax - You might be a little nervous over the first date, but chances are, he probably is too! Some SD’s are nervous the first time meeting, this might be due to the fact that you’re much younger than he is or he might be downright intimidated because of your looks. Your job is to make him feel at ease and the easiest way to help him feel at ease is to be at ease yourself. People play off each other’s energies and your body language speaks volumes, so try your best to just relax.
  • End on a good note - End the date with a hug or a handshake (or a kiss on the cheek, if you like him), something physical so that you touch and it leaves him wanting a little more. If you went out for lunch/dinner, tell him how thankful you are for taking you out, how much you loved the food, and how he has great taste in restaurants

After Your Meet

  • Assessing him - A person’s appearance and demeanor speaks volumes about them. Observe not his wallet, his cufflinks, or his shoes, but his mannerisms, his eloquence, and his overall conduct. Many good sugar daddies may not look the part, but they will act it. There’s no forcing chemistry, so it’s best to figure that out right away before delving deeper.
                  ‣ Questions to think about:
                         
    - Does he ask you first what you want to eat?
                         - Is he interested in what you’re saying?
                         - How does he talk about his family, his employees?
                         - Is he nice to the waitstaff?
                         - How much is he tipping?
                         - Were your personalities compatible?
                         - Did you have a lot in common?
                         - Was it easy to hold a conversation with him, or were there awkward silences?
                         - Is this someone you’d be comfortable being seen in public with, going on vacations with, and generally spending time with?
  • Send a follow up text - If the date went well, shortly after you meet (a few hours or a day, at most), send the POT/SD a text saying that it was a pleasure meeting him and you’d love to see him again. When (or if) he responds, you might be able to schedule your next date!
  • Think about your loses - If the date didn’t go so well, you got a free coffee/lunch/dinner/gift. If your POT contacts you and asks you out again, decline politely and wish him luck finding what he’s looking for.

Allowance Talk - Yes Or No?

There’s a lot of disagreement on whether or not you should speak about allowance with your POT on a first date. I’ve had POT’s bring up numbers over text/on the phone/email (prior to meeting and after meeting) and during coffee/lunch/dinner/drinks. In my opinion, let him bring up the allowance talk.

  • If he does, express your desires concerning allowances, gifts, and how the arrangement will work. Most arrangements end due to schedule conflicts and misunderstanding expectations, be clear about what you want. 
  • If he doesn’t, that’s completely fine too. You’ll most likely speak about it on your second date or over some electronic format.
  • If you touch on the subject but you notice he’s not too keen on delving into it at the moment, leave it alone. This sends your POT the message that you’re more interested in a suitable arrangement than the money, as well as that you are nowhere near desperate and while you are interested in him, not overly so. This lack of overt interest gives you more control of the relationship from the get-go. It also shows that he cannot control you or gain your interest with his money alone. This makes it easier for you to discuss the terms of the relationship, set boundaries, and negotiate your allowance later on.

What to Wear

Men are visual creatures, they love eye-catching arm candy, but most prefer elegance or casual classy to outright flashy. However, showing all your goods on the first meeting is not a good idea. Choose one thing to show off, this leaves his imagining and wanting more. Keep in mind where you’re meeting, as well. There’s no need to go all out if you’re just meeting for coffee.

  • If you’re meeting for coffee - Jeans and a pretty blouse will be just fine, top it off with flats or boots and you’ll be good to go. If it’s warmer out, a sundress is perfectly acceptable too.
                ‣  Keep in mind
                        - Meeting a POT for the first time in shorts is not appropriate, there is no need to play up the age difference between the two of you, even if it is hot outside.
  • If you’re meeting for lunch/dinner/drinks - A formfitting dress will do you good, especially if it’s dinner or drinks. Complete the look with a nice pair of heels and some jewelry, if you’re having trouble figuring out which jewelry to wear with what, check out this!
  • Makeup - Keep the makeup light and natural, opt for neutral colors rather than darker ones. Get your nails done, fill in your brows, foundation, mascara, light colored eye shadow, and lipstick/lip-gloss is all you’ll need. I prefer to top up my look with a slightly red nude lip (since my lips are full and the color makes them pop more), even though most SB’s suggest to stay away from all red’s.

So there you have it dolls, an ultimate guide to POT dates. Feel free to add on your own tips! Keep sugaring, dolly xoxo

hey guys! talking from personal experience, this time of year can be super scary for anybody looking to move into the job world. whether you’re graduating soon and need to look for full time work, looking for summer internships or placements, or just looking to get a part time job to make some money over the summer, a solid cv is crucial. so i’m gonna share some of my tips below, i work in advertising, i’ve worked most of my career in sales, and even though i’m still fresh to the working world i hope i can give you guys some employment tips! 

basic bits

  • ok, so you need to put your contact details at the top of the page, name, phone number, email address, post code and sometimes nationality are all important to get out of the way first 
  • if you have your degree grade, or expected grade, put education at the top. list your grade and the dates you studied at uni, and the grades, dates and subjects that you studied to a high level when you left school. this is less important for part time jobs so i would probably put it below the next section in those circumstances
  • past experience is next. list everywhere you’ve ever worked, whether it was a proper paid job, helping out at local events, tutoring, anything that can give insight into your skills and your character. put a couple bullet points for each job, explaining the tasks you did and what you learnt from them. the most important thing is to emphasise what skills you have and how you’ve proven them in the past. 
  • i put other experience next, generally just volunteering, if you held a responsibility role in your school you can put that here too
  • skills & interests should be another section, talking about your non work related skills (but still relating these back to working). so for me, i talk about my creative hobbies like writing and music, which are important when applying for creative industries like advertising. i also talk about teaching myself arabic and adobe creative suite because languages are useful, design skills are useful, and most crucially taking initiative and embracing opportunities to learn are essential in any job that wants to see you grow

sales tips 

  • other people applying for the same jobs as you will not be handing in a 100% truthful cv. you don’t have to lie, and you shouldn’t ever ever lie on your cv because it’s not worth getting caught out. however, you’d be smart to jazz it up a bit. 
  • every task you’ve undertaken in your life has taught you something, no matter how small. think about every job related thing you’ve ever done and think of a way to make it sound special. 
  • for instance, i manually alphabetically organised a directors business cards during an internship. it was beyond boring. yet, now i talk about being a crucial support for the team, how i took initiative in collating their contacts into a brand new filing system to increase productivity speed. any dumb task can be chatted up. 
  • sales is all about confidence, confidence, confidence. you have to believe you are a great candidate, it’ll come across in your writing 
  • keep it to one page, max 2 if you’ve had a lot of previous roles. nobody wants to read that much. if it’s looking a bit long try reformatting to keep it all looking neat and succinct. 
  • send it as a pdf, not as a word document. keeps it looking professional. 

cover letters

  • now, cover letters can be a real pain. i would suggest writing different ones for each application, even though making a generic one and editing it is easier. it’s worth it to show that you give a shit. 
  • actually, all that really matters is giving a shit. talk about how great you are, and about how much you have to offer that they need in their company. you can phrase it in a non arrogant fashion, but at the end of the day a job application isn’t the place for humility. 
  • talk about the company, talk about why you like it and why you want to be there. if you’re applying to a small company definitely chat about how great you think the business is, because chances are the people who run the company will actually see it. people who have their own company LOVE to hear people talk about loving their company and their idea. 

all that really matters

  • be genuine, be passionate, be enthusiastic about the role, about the company and about yourself.
  • stay calm and focused on your goals, and believe in yourself and your abilities. don’t be afraid of being great, and don’t be afraid of letting people know it. 

i really hope these could be of use to anybody, if there’s any tips you guys need for job huting let me know, i’ve done a lot of it!

ask-changeling-eight  asked:

Your movement of anti fascism will fail. Do you know why? Because fascism doesn't exist. We killed it after world war 2. Honestly if you did even a little research into fascist Italy Japan or Germany you'd see you're just like them. Black uniforms, masks with skulls, attacking people to instill total fear into the hearts of people who don't agree with you. Fighting fascism with fascism doesn't make you the good guys, it makes you a slightly different version of fascist.

Sigh.  The sad thing is that we get messages just like this from clear, well-informed experts on fascism like ask-changeling-eight all the time.  

Because fascism doesn’t exist. We killed it after world war 2

Oh, that’ll be a huge surprise to Francoist Spain or the Estado Novo regime in Portugal or the people suffering under the fascists of Daesh/ISIS/ISIL or the 200+ fascist cults, political parties, and terrorist groups that have existed since WW2.  You should tell them.

you’d see you’re just like them. Black uniforms, masks with skulls,

Of course, because fascism (which we’ll remind you no longer exists according to yourself) is defined by the clothes people wear.  That’s in the dictionary-definition of fascism, right?

fas·cismˈfaSHˌizəm/nounan authoritarian and nationalistic right-wing system of government and social organization.synonyms:authoritarianism, totalitarianism, dictatorship, despotism, autocracy; More (in general use) extreme right-wing, authoritarian, or intolerant views or practice.

fascism [fash-iz-uh m] noun1.(sometimes initial capital letter) a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.2.(sometimes initial capital letter) the philosophy, principles, or methods of fascism.3.(initial capital letter) a political movement that employs the principles and methods of fascism, especially the one established by Mussolini in Italy 1922–43.

fascism noun  fas·cism \ˈfa-ˌshi-zəm also ˈfa-ˌsi-\

1often capitalized :  a political philosophy, movement, or regime (such as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition2:  a tendency toward or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control early instances of army fascism and brutality — J. W. Aldridge

attacking people to instill total fear into the hearts of people who don’t agree with you.

Right.  Because advocating for apartheid and genocide = just another, perfectly normal opinion that we may not agree with and should just have a polite debate about over tea.  

Or maybe fascism (which, of course, you’ve informed us doesn’t exist), isn’t even a valid opinion but instead is a historically & scientifically-discredited belief that is common to the beginning of every genocide in human history.  

Fighting fascism with fascism doesn’t make you the good guys, it makes you a slightly different version of fascist.

Now where have we heard this liberal false equivalency bullshit before?  


hooligan-nova “Fighting fascists makes you a fascist” makes no sense. The defining feature of fascism is not violence.

If I fight a mugger I’m not a mugger. If I fight a bear it doesn’t make me a bear.
Fascism is about control and antifascism is about refusal of that control. 


Let’s leave the last word for Holocaust survivor Frank Frison, shall we?

“If fascism could be defeated in debate, I assure you that it would never have happened, neither in Germany, nor in Italy, nor anywhere else. Those who recognised its threat at the time and tried to stop it were, I assume, also called “a mob”. Regrettably too many “fair-minded” people didn’t either try, or want to stop it, and, as I witnessed myself during the war, accommodated themselves when it took over … People who witnessed fascism at its height are dying out, but the ideology is still here, and its apologists are working hard at a comeback. Past experience should teach us that fascism must be stopped before it takes hold again of too many minds, and becomes useful once again to some powerful interests.”   

ask-changeling-eight, if you’d like to actually learn about what fascism is and how it developed so you don’t look like such an ill-informed jackass the next time you decide to opine on the topic, we’d recommend having an adult read & explain this book to you.


I think I took my old company down over a $240 dispute.

I’m honestly not sure if this belongs here, or in @petty-revenge-stories, but I thought you guys might get a bit of a chuckle over this.

Sorry, it’s long.

I was the lead editor for a production house. We did mostly commercials, for radio and television. Small company, but we did pretty well for the most part, but being a small company jobs overlapped, and since I know how to use Google, I also became the “IT” guy.

I worked at this production house for 8 years. Overall, I was pretty content there. I made some awesome friends, but my boss (the owner / production manager) was a real dick. He was the kind of guy who would hire people for as little money as possible, and get them to work 12-16 hour days for the fucking experience.

My boss was the kind of person who would tell you on a daily basis how great a boss he was; how effective a leader he was. Every day wasting his time and money on ridiculous meetings that literally took half a day and consisted of nothing meaningful, but a huge amount of head-inflation. He would routinely deny people any kind of monetary raise, even after years of experience, saying that the company could not afford that. All while he furnished his private office, which was an entire floor above the rest of the office space, with extravagant furniture and expensive decorations.

I could honestly make an entire post on how awful a boss / terrible a person this guy was, so after some quick reflection on how much typing I want to do today, here’s a list of the worst things he was doing on company time:

  • Drinking and driving
  • Would routinely get me to pirate software for him, including software we used to actually run the business
  • Not putting anyone on payroll, which means you are forever a “freelancer” at this company
  • Hired a company who would build an entire second story to the office without a permit
  • Somehow crossing the Canada-US border drunk and with open alcohol
  • Withholding people’s pay
  • Buying things for the office; stealing them for his home
  • No vacation time / pay
  • he expected all of us to either work through a client’s funeral, or take a couple of hours as “no pay leave”)
  • He would degrade all employees, but he was way more harsh on the female employees
  • Would literally scare people into submission
  • Micromanage everything. Blame employees for following directions.

Anyways the list goes on and on. But for the most part, non of this really affected me, until his wife started working for the company.

She was hired on after being fired elsewhere, as our accountant. She would track our hours every day, making sure to conveniently neglect any extra time we put in over weekends, or after hours. Somehow, even after working a 50-60 hour week, she would come after employees saying they were only available for 30 hour or so. Again, these were all things that never really affected me, until Christmas 2015.

I got notice two days before our Christmas paycheck, via email, that the accountant was going to take $240 or so off my regular pay, because I had left the office for two hours during the week. I calmly replied to the email that we all gotta do what we gotta do, and hopped online and started applying to editing jobs elsewhere.

I told my wife about this, and got irrationally mad about it.

Nearly instantly, I was offered a job from my current employer, which I accepted. At that point I told my wife I give my old employer a year before they close down.

We made a list, and dealt with each item to the best of our abilities.

I anonymously reported both my boss and his wife for drunk driving, as well as letting a couple of my cop buddies know about it. On my boss’ Facebook page, he was complaining about how many times he had been pulled over recently. He seems to still be driving, but at least it was an inconvenience to them.

I reported the software piracy. The pirated software was Windows, Microsoft Office, and the Adobe Creative Suite. Adobe didn’t do anything, but Microsoft took it pretty seriously, and I heard from one of my old coworkers that they didn’t fight the fines.

I also filled out form CPT1-E (I think that’s what it was called), which is designed to help employers and employees understand whether or not employees should be on payroll or not. From what I gather through the grapevine, this let to something called a forensic audit, which seems to have led to a lot of back payments or something. I’m not an accountant, and I don’t really know how all this works, but from what I understand my old employer ended up paying quite a few fines. This is all unconfirmed grapevine stuff though.

I reported locally regarding the floor that was built without a permit. More grapevine stuff, but it seems that made selling the office a little more difficult. So I’ll add that to the win pile.

So anyways, I was wrong. I told my wife it would be a year and they would be shut down. It took a year and 3 months. The company is officially closing March 31, 2017. I don’t know if any of my actions are directly responsible for the closure, but I’d like to think I at least pushed it in that direction.

EXCLUSIVE: The 7 Biggest Secrets From Hook & Emma's 'Once Upon a Time' Wedding: Vows, Honeymoon & Much More!

Source

Wedding bells are officially ringing in Storybrooke!

Once Upon a Time’s highly anticipated musical episode is almost here, which means that we’re just a few days away from witnessing Emma Swan and Killian Jones say “I do” in a breathtaking wedding ceremony. (Trust us. It’s perfect.)

ET had the pleasure of visiting Once Upon a Time’s set in Vancouver, Canada, last month during filming of the musical matrimony, and we sat down with stars Jennifer Morrison and Colin O'Donoghue for an intimate and in-depth interview that focused on each and every aspect of their on-screen wedding.

From their “honest” vows, to Emma’s “timeless” wedding gown, and their dream honeymoon – only ET has all the inside scoop straight from the stars of the series! Plus, we’ve got additional details from executive producers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis, as well as Once Upon a Time’s head costume designer Eduardo Castro.

So, shall we get started? Or, as O'Donoghue cleverly put it: who’s ready for some “music and dance and some mighty fine romance” at Captain Swan’s wedding?

Just a warning that this is the biggest Once Upon a Time article we’ve ever written, so grab a comfy seat, put your cellphone on silent and get ready to go on an emotional roller coaster of feels. And, as always, please remember to breathe!

1. The Venue: The Once showrunners confessed that they had considered a number of “other places” for Emma and Killian to tie the knot – yes, even Granny’s! – but in the end, they settled on a brand new Storybrooke location for the ceremony. “Without wanting to spoil the episode, there’s a story reason for why it’s on the roof,” Horowitz revealed. “But there’s also something to us that was super romantic about having Storybrooke as the backdrop.”

Emma and Killian will tie the knot in front of a dream-worthy sunset and surrounded by their closest friends and family. “It’s the place where they’ve kind of come together,” Horowitz continued. “Where their love has grown and where both of them as characters have grown, so seeing the whole town kind of beneath and surrounding them felt like a really cool way to do it.”

“I thought it was perfect,” Morrison dished. “We just felt, like, what better way to make it feel extra special than to have [the wedding] also be the musical episode?”

Keep reading

Talks Machina Highlights: Episodes 95/96
  • This week’s Denise message: ominous stylized symbol that reads “FREE”.
  • Laura does the splits before the show starts.
  • Everyone judges Travis for not reading the Dark Tower series.
  • Denise has moved on to a new job (and is indeed a real person, the technical director of the show). Also has her own twitch: twitch.tv/denisebrr!
  • VM appeared to deal 413 damage to the entity. Even Doty’s natural one “appeared to” hit it.
  • Fenthras got exalted! New things: Bramble Shot can be used twice, and the Oracle Shot can be used twice. 1d6 rather than 1d4 lightning damage.
  • Grog lost interest in the Slayer’s Take pretty rapidly because it was pretty unsatisfying. He wanted to fight a dragon or a stone giant.
  • Ashley was excited but a little nervous and feeling the pressure to jump into a Pike arc after being gone for so long.
  • Back in the home game, Travis wrote the longest character backstory of any of them.
  • Brian on what you’re missing by not watching TM: “Travis getting boogers pulled out of his eye by his wife on live television.”
  • Vex really likes Tary as a roomie because Doty did some housekeeping, because he was always ready to talk a lot, and because he made her stuff. Vex is also drawn toward people who have suffered or are outcasts in some way, so once she found out he was outcast from his family, she wanted to protect him.
  • Grog still misses Scanlan, to the point where if Vax pulls a prank on him, he might just let it go instead of jumping gleefully into retaliation.
  • Laura had several chances to find the grey render baby over the year off, and she rolled poorly every time. A lot of them rolled poorly during the prep at Matt’s house.
  • Brian has adopted and expanded on Laura’s dice habits, including the dice jail. Travis: “Or it’s just… dice.” Laura: “NO SOME OF THEM ARE CURSED”
  • Everyone talks about how fangirlish Ashley and Laura would be if Sara Bareilles were on the show. Ashley gets nervous just talking about the time they got to meet her.
  • VM-themed Slayer’s Cake stuff: Profiterollo, Bad News bear claws, sun treats, blondies for Tary, angel food cake, honeyed fun buns, do-you-spice cake. Brian suggests a meat-man pie. Victor’s coffee cake, Kern bread.
  • Grog thinks the Deck of Many Things is actually The Deck of Fucking Awesome Love and Amazing Weapons.
  • Ashley had to roll to have Pike become number 2 in the Crucible!
  • Travis and Ashley both had to roll to teach Grog to read.
  • It took Tary five months to enchant the armor for Vex, working every day. In return, she stuck around with him and kept him company every day. They bonded a lot over that year!
  • Nobody really has any plans to go back to Greyskull. Pike and Grog decide they’re gonna turn it into a treehouse.
  • To Grog, Tary is just sort of there. “I need him to fight more. And better.” He needs to get a cool HDYWTDT.
  • Vex thought Scanlan was right about some things, but believes that his leaving wasn’t justified. Vex is way closer to Tary than she was with Scanlan, but she’d still rather have Scanlan to rely on in battle.
  • Now Pike’s just as tempted as Grog to draw a card from the Deck.
  • Pike’s mom was completely fine with Wilhand leaving with her so that it was one less mouth to feed. The other characters were Matt expanding on Ashley’s overall outline.
  • The twins didn’t have the ability to do big scams (they didn’t have magic!), but they mostly survived by stealing and then selling at the next down over.
  • Ashley thinks Pike feels worse about her family betraying her than she would’ve felt if the curse had been real. Laura points out that if they hadn’t noticed the illusion, the whole thing could’ve played out and they never would’ve known.
  • Travis and Ashley mostly didn’t suspect an illusion until Laura pointed it out; they thought it was gonna be a distraction from the real monster. Laura figured something was weird right when it was cast, and immediately figured it out when nobody could hit it.
  • Ashley was really torn between what she would’ve done in the situation and what Pike would’ve done; she dialed back her anger to keep in-character. Ashley whispered to Travis: “Maybe we should make [Ogden] pick a card.”
  • Grog would’ve been a lot less merciful towards the Trickfoots; nobody messes with Pike on his watch.
  • Vex thinks of Pike’s response to the whole situation as something she’d want to aspire to.

Talks Machine in the Dark:

  • +2 AC on Vex’s dragon-hide armor, automatically has cold resistance, and doesn’t have to be attuned.
  • Travis tries (and fails) his Chewbacca impression.
  • Ashley attempts a Christopher Walken impression. Ashley: “Nope, I lost it.” Brian: “I don’t know if you had it.”
  • Matt buttdialed Brian at Ren Faire and it went to voicemail, so Brian is working on editing and enhancing the four minutes of audio he got from that.
  • Mary Elizabeth McGlynn was the one who married Laura and Travis, and they did a sort of “renewal of vows” at Ren Faire.
  • Grog isn’t really scared of much besides Kevdak.
  • Pike gave her family ~6,000 gold at the end.
  • Cake or pie? Travis: pie. Laura: cake. Ashley: …shit. (She settles on pie.) Brian prefers cake.
  • Someone asks: If Grog had to give up weapons, ale, or Pike, which would he give up? He’d give up ale. Travis didn’t even hesitate.
  • Ashley doesn’t think Pike would’ve turned out like the other Trickfoots if she’d stayed with them. She’d already started to show signs of being different and having experiences as a cleric, which is why Wilhand took her out of there.
  • Ashley and Laura both dream as their characters. Travis doesn’t really dream much. “It’s ‘cause my life is a dream, girl.”
  • Ashley dreams half the group are just themselves and half are their characters in some fantasy setting. Laura sometimes dreams of having the flying dream IRL. Brian had his first D&D dream last night. “I was Vax as fuck. I Jenga’d hard.”
10

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | Heather Benjamin (RH)

Through her dense and detailed packed line drawings to her more focused ink brush pieces, Rhode Island based artist Heather Benjamin’s work is visceral, cathartic, and autobiographical. It offers a completely unapologetic and unflinching look into an artists’ own struggles with life, body image, self confidence, and sexuality.  We find her and her art to be inspirational, honest and badass.

We recently ran into Heather at her booth at the LA Art Book Fair and caught up with her a few months later to ask about her art, her experiences at RISD, her influences, and her thoughts about her work and her life. 

Photographs courtesy of the artist.

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begin again (m)

Summary: As a new professor at Hogwarts, you knew separating your present and your past within the walls was an important distinction to maintain your respectability. But finding out that your coworker was your schoolgirl crush for five years hadn’t been part of the plan.
Pairing: Hoseok | Reader
Genre: Fluff/Smut; Harry Potter AU
Word Count: 13,788
Author’s Note: Took advantage of some Hoseok feelings I’ve been suffering from as of late and decided to pair it with my Harry Potter AUs!!!! Once again, tagging @chokemejimin who has asked to tagged in my HP works!! Hope you like it! 

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There’s a saying that goes around that often relates to the idea that people, places, or things that were once daunting and terrifying gradually start to become less intimidating with the help of time, growth, maturity—all those things you never believed would happen to you. After all, who wants to welcome the idea of growing old with opened arms?

You remember being seventeen and witnessing what you had believed would be the last sight you would ever get of Hogwarts, the comforting walls that housed seven years of your childhood, seven years worth of secrets, friendships, youth, innocence, and a desperation to chase after something you didn’t quite know about yet. Being as young and naive and indecisive as you were, it would have been difficult to comprehend the idea of returning, if returning to Hogwarts was something you even thought to consider in the first place. It never was.

It’s funny how much you had a tendency to return back to the place that reminded you most of home. Despite the history behind its walls, the war across the campus, Hogwarts remains consistent and peaceful and traditional. Unlike your very first day at eleven years old, you brush in through the doors of Hogwarts with a grace of familiarity. No longer do the tall walls that seem to stretch out to the ceiling terrify you and no longer do the endless corridors frighten you. You’re no longer a student who perhaps did not know any better. You’ve returned as a professor, just a little bit older and just a little bit wiser.

The baggage handle curled around your fingertips feel as if they’re growing heavier and heavier the longer you find yourself making your way through the outside courtyard of the school, towards the castle, trying to make your way to the new quarters you had been gifted with as a new educator of the institute. In spite of the struggle, it’s hard to keep the bounce out of your step, the smile across your features, because although returning back to the rooms of your past is not something you would have elected to spend your career under, it’s a new whole sensation approaching Hogwarts and knowing that you would get to do something and invest your time in something you were always particularly passionate about.

You’re just reaching the front steps of the school, before a voice calls out to you, striking a chord of familiarity in your heart as you let the tone sink into your mind and rummage through the archives of your brain. “Hey, you need some help with that?”

Keep reading

rocknrollphanda  asked:

Could you maybe make a list of your favorite 8th year drarry? I read Lumos and now I need more so I was wondering if you had anything worth recommending ;D?

Good to Me (And I’d Be So Good to You) by AWickedMemory (ReadyPlayerZero) Words:8905

Everyone returns to Hogwarts after the war, but nothing is quite the same. Harry’s groupies are creepier than ever, Ron and Hermione are snogging all over the place, and the once-proud Draco is shuffling around like a kicked puppy. But that’s okay: Harry’s got a plan.

Battle Scars by SeaweedPrincess Words:29831

Spiders, rats, wrongly-boiled Veritaserum, a couple of dangerous bets and drunk parties – all with all, it was bound to be a hectic eight year at Hogwarts for the golden trio. Trying to ignore the ex-Death Eater Draco Malfoy, however, turned out to be more difficult than ever before. Especially when he seemed to be as obsessed with Harry as Harry was with him. DRARRY. SLASH. Rating may go up in future chapters.

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain by Faith Wood (faithwood) Words:21139

It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that’s ever so cross.

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster Words:16024

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.

Lumos by birdsofshore Words:41478

Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking.

Zero to Hero by Cheryl Dyson Words: 10,632

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his “8th year” in order to pass his N.E.W.T.s and make it into the Auror program. One of his classes is Muggle Studies and the new teacher has a brilliant idea to help them appreciate certain forms of Muggle entertainment.

The Ties That Bind Us by Faith Wood (faithwood) Words:27890

An accident leaves Draco and Harry bound tightly together. Literally.

Matters of Influence by anathema91 Words:19198

Draco should have taken his NEWTs over the summer with Pansy and Greg. Repeating 7th year with Potter fresh off his saved-the-world tour struck Malfoy as the height of stupidity more than once. McGonagall’s diabolical plan only made things worse. Or did it?

A Time to Move On by SESHETA_66 Words:15500

With the war behind them, and wounds still raw, the students at Hogwarts try to work out what their futures might hold for them, and perhaps recapture a little of their lost youth along the way.

Lucky Break by naturegirlrocks Words:4700

The day before Halloween Harry crashes into Draco during a friendly quidditch match. Hidden secrets come to light.

An Old Habit by fireflavored Words:8800

The boys have changed a lot over the summer after the war, but Harry hasn’t gotten over the urge to spy on Malfoy.

Simulacrum by slashpervert Words:3011

Draco sends a gift to Potter and finds himself in a difficult but erotic position.

Snowstorms and Interventions by fr333bird Words:9095

Draco is pining after Harry, but is so sure that his feelings aren’t reciprocated that he wastes a golden opportunity. Pansy comes to the rescue and takes matters into her own hands to ensure a happy ending.

Marginal Notes by blamebrampton Words:9398

When you’re 18, and nothing is as it was meant to be, sometimes it can be hard to let the right people know what you are thinking.

An Act of Simple Devotion by blamebrampton Words:13368

It’s a age-old story. You fancy a boy and you think he fancies you. Sure there are problems – attacks on former Death Eaters, crazed tabloid journalists and your girlfriend – but you have a cunning plan. Now if he’d only explain the L. Ron Hubbard-like references …

Say Anything by alovelycupoftea Words:6000

When Draco loses his reserve and starts speaking his mind, Harry realises something is very wrong.

Deserving by Cassis Luna Words:2612

From the prompt: “What if one day everyone was brewing Amortentia and Harry walks in. Of course, he doesn’t know what they’re brewing, so the first thing he says is ‘Why does the room smell like it’s drenched in Malfoy’s cologne’ and then everyone, including Draco, just looks at him.

Right Hand Red by lumosed_quill Words:73173

Harry felt Malfoy’s breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory. Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.

Malfoy felt inevitable.

Games Night by agentmoppet Words:6805

Harry has no idea why Hermione decided that an inter-house Games Night would be a good idea, but he’s here now, and he intends to beat Malfoy, no matter what game he chooses. But, who would have thought muggle games could be full of so much… tension?

Dear Diary by AWickedMemory (ReadyPlayerZero) Words:20427

After the war, Harry picks up a journal to write in… and it writes back. Luckily, it’s not a Horcrux on the other end this time.

Days Before You Came by panicparade Words:5476

Ten days before the end of his Eighth year at Hogwarts is when Harry realises that he probably, maybe, loves Draco Malfoy.

Who I Really Am by agentmoppet Words:8541

Draco seems to have changed since the war, and is insisting on making amends for his actions. But he’s still a Malfoy, for heaven’s sake… And, it would seem, a Malfoy with a certain kink…

The Standard You Walk Past by bafflinghaze Words:46201

On returning to Hogwarts for their Eighth Year, Headmistress McGonagall decided to room Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter together. She may have hoped for a leading example of house unity; the other students fully expected insults and fights. But nothing happened.

That was, until Harry sleepwalked into Draco’s bed.

Good Company by Greenflares Words:8223

With Hermione and Ron always together, Harry’s return to Hogwarts to complete his education isn’t exactly fun. Somehow, it’s his unlikely friendship with Malfoy that keeps him sane.

Instruction For A Misplaced Slytherin by bixgirl1 Words:8579

Potter stared at him with an intense, indecipherable expression. He cleared his throat. “You know what? It would be easier to learn if you just showed me,” he said abruptly.

In which Draco has a crush but fancies himself kind, Harry is oblivious but overly ambitious (and the teensiest bit sneaky), and things get dirty really fast.

Slammed by Faith Wood (faithwood) Words:2038

Potter develops a worrying habit of randomly wall-slamming Draco all over the castle.

Mental by sara_holmes Words:186678

Harry has had quite enough of sharing his mind with someone else, thankyouverymuch. A miscast Legilimecy spell says otherwise.

‘Ohana by plumeria47 Words:11717

It started off so simple: sex whenever they wanted it, with no further expectations. But life has a funny way of turning everything up on its head.

This Is Fine by yesbocchan Words:3177

Eighth years have their own rooms at Hogwarts. It’s nice, Draco thinks, until he starts to notice the fact that Potter’s room is just in front of his.

The Morning After The Night Before by Oakstone730
Words:3599

Waking up after the Hufflepuff New Year’s Eve Party is an eye-opening experience for Draco. Prompt: Walk of Shame. Eighth Year. Warnings: Slash, Explicit, Language.

He Had Time by jeni_andtheafterthought Words:689

Harry stays up late alone in the eighth year common room until one night, Malfoy joins him.

Alive by FleetofShippyShips Words:3185

After the war, Harry is just angry, until finally, he’s not.

Vanilla and Sweet Spices by FleetofShippyShips Words:19699

After the others leave an eighth year party, Harry still has the rum he snagged off Dean. But the only person left to drink it with is Draco Malfoy.

Making Malfoy Blush by FleetofShippyShips Words:18320

Malfoy walks in on Harry in the showers after Quidditch and is surprisingly flustered. Spying the chance to embarrass him, Harry teases him at every opportunity to bring that blush back.

It’s all harmless winks and lip biting, and maybe a few heated looks; until it’s a kiss, and then another, and then Harry realises he never wants to stop.

If only Malfoy was as clear about what he wants.

The LipLock Jinx by Cassis Luna Words: 21436

It’s a jinx that renders the victim mute, unless he/she serves the purpose of the jinx and kisses the person that they desire. It’s just Harry’s luck that he’s in love with Draco. HPDM, oneshot, eighth year.

The Potter-Malfoy Problem by who_la_hoop Words:28939

The room of requirement’s gone mad — at least, that’s what Harry thinks. There’s no way that Draco Malfoy ‘requires’ him, of all people, but why does it keep dragging Harry there like he’s some kind of furniture, every time Malfoy enters it? Throw in Pansy the pervert and a clipboard-wielding Hermione, and things can only go from bad to worse. And that’s not even mentioning the pirates …

At Your Service by Faith Wood (faithwood) Words:95752  

Hogwarts students are in danger; Harry is determined to save them all. There’s only one thing he knows for certain: Draco Malfoy is somehow involved.

ENJOY!

anonymous asked:

ana bear, can i ask you something? can you write little quirks and mannerisms you love about our shining babes? like, a eprsonal trait, a habit, all things you think define them (like Taem's magic hands and stuff)

yes y e s  of course I can and I’ll be glad to - let’s start with:

taemin

quirks/mannerisms

Keep reading

For those of you who write military fics

If you have never been in, or aren’t around people who’ve been in, I would dearly love to give you a few pointers.

Let me preface this: I love it when people write military fics (be they AU or canon-fic). I love the characterizations, the story arcs you create, and the love with which you create the stories.

But I’d like to help you make the actions of military personnel as accurate as possible, so someone who’s actually in doesn’t start to read your fic and roll their eyes at some of the things you unknowingly write.


-First off, you do not salute in civilian clothes. It’s actually unauthorized. There are only two exceptions to this rule: the President is allowed to salute in civvies, and if the national anthem is playing outdoors, combat veterans are now allowed to salute. (That came about in 2010, for accurate reference.)

-Do not salute indoors, unless during a formation (but I doubt people who don’t have intimate knowledge of drill and ceremony would bother writing about a formation, so that point is mostly just thrown in for shits and giggles). 

-The army and air force do not say, “sir, yes sir”. That’s a marine thing (I’m not sure about the navy, since I’m not in the navy, but I’m sure someone else could help out if there’s a question about it).

-Saying “black ops” isn’t really something we do. For the army, you’ve got SF (which is how we refer to special forces–the guys you’re probably thinking about (”green beret” is an old term for them that’s not really used anymore)) and Rangers for the two big special operations forces. SEALS are the navy force, and I apologize, but I don’t know the other branches’ special forces. Again, ask someone who’s served in that branch.

-People don’t usually refer to themselves (or others) by their ranks. Exceptions are usually made if hanging out with people from your unit speaking about a superior, such as “Yeah, LT and I were talking the other day and …”. 

-Sergeants are not referred to as “sarge”. You have no idea how many people got the shit smoked out of them in basic for that error.

-Army goes through Basic Training (or Basic Combat Training now; BCT for short), and marines go through Boot Camp. Yes, there is definitely a difference in terms. Army people tend to refer to their initial training as simply “basic”. I don’t know about marines or other branches.

-Calling someone “Soldier” is really something only done on TV/film. It’s usually mocked by people who are in.

-In the army, it is against regulation to just stick your hands in your pockets. We mockingly call them “Air Force gloves”, though I don’t know if they typically put their hands in their pockets. There is also a big stigma against wearing “snivel gear”: the poly pro cold-weather protection gear worn underneath your uniform.

-The everyday Army uniforms are called ACUs (Army Combat Uniform). They are never called anything else, but especially not fatigues. If you’re going back to 2003 or earlier, the uniform was BDUs, or the Battle Dress Uniform. The tan uniforms worn during the Gulf War and first few years of Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF; Afghanistan) were called first chocolate chips (gulf war-era) and then DCUs (Desert Combat Uniform). 

-The dress uniform is called something different depending on what time period you’re going for. Saying “dress uniform” is usually a good bet, because you’ve also got Class A’s, Class B’s, ASUs, Dress Blues, Khakis, etc. 

-Typically when meeting someone else who’s in, the first things you ask are, “What’s your MOS (military occupational specialty–your job)? Where were you stationed?” Giving out rank and deployment backgrounds out of the blue don’t usually happen. 

-Time spent in the military is usually referred to as simply being “in”. “How long were you in for?” is heard way more often than “how long did you serve for?” That question is usually asked by civilians. 

-There are enlisted, and there are officers. Enlisted are those who start out as privates, work their way up through the NCO, or non-commissioned officer ranks: sergeant (called “buck sergeant” in a derogatory term for someone who has been freshly promoted), staff sergeant, sergeant first class, and eventually get to first sergeants and sergeants major after fifteen to thirty years in. Officers also usually start out as privates and specialists, then graduate from college and commission as second lieutenants (the derogatory term is “butter bar” and is usually used in reference to said officer’s lack of experience and knowledge) before working up to first lieutenant, captain, major, lieutenant colonel (”light colonel”), and colonel (”full bird”). The general timeline is making captain (”getting your railroad tracks”) after about 5-8 years for competent officers, and spending 5-10 years as a captain. 

-We do not stand at parade rest unless forced. Ever.

-Or at attention.

-When talking to an NCO, a lower enlisted will stand at parade rest. When talking to an officer, an enlisted will stand at attention.

-The highest ranking NCO is lower ranking than the lowest ranking officer. 

-If you want to throw in some humor, if there is a lower enlisted (E-4 (specialist) or below) joking with an NCO, and the lower enlisted says something, the NCO can snark back with, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you because you weren’t standing at the position of parade rest.” It’s a dick move usually to call people out for that, but it happens often enough that if you put that in a fic, someone who’s in will likely laugh at that for a few minutes.

-There is a term for a slacker in the army called POG (pronounced “pohg” with a long o). It stands for Personnel Other than Grunt, meaning everyone who’s not infantry. The term has transformed to mean anyone who shirks their duty or is kind of a shitbag and should be kicked out. 

 -There’s also a bit of a stereotype that infantry are made up of dumb guys, because you don’t need a high GT score to get that MOS. Their nomenclature for their MOS is 11B (eleven bravo), which is often referred to as an “eleven bang-bang” when trying to insult them. 

-If someone is making someone else do push-ups, they do not say “drop and give me x number”. They’ll tell them either to push, or tell them to get in the front-leaning rest. The front-leaning rest position is the starting position for the push-up. 

-Usually referring to basic training and AIT (advanced individual training, where you learn your military occupational specialty), you get “smoked” on a regular basis. This refers to PT (physical training), usually in the form of push-ups, flutter kicks, and sprints. It’s not fun. One of the least favorite phrases to hear in basic is, “Platoon, attention! Half-left face! Front leaning rest position, move. In cadence! Exercise!” Because that is the full command for getting people to do push-ups. There is literally no other reason for the half-left face movement. It honestly exists only for push-ups.

-It is awkward as fuck to be told “thank you for your service”. It’s wonderful that people want to show their support, but it is very difficult to respond to that without sounding like a douche.

I know I said a lot about basic training in there, but that’s because I tend to read a lot of fics that are either about basic or about deployments. I can give some pretty firm answers on basic, but everyone’s deployment is different, and I also could be violating a shit-ton of OPSEC (operation security) by telling you guys specific details about deployments. Everything I’ve told you is information you can look up on your own on the internet, but this is a bit more insider’s culture for you to help make your stuff more accurate.

And if you ever find yourself writing a military fic and have questions, by all means, inbox me. I’ve been in for almost nine years and I do have one deployment under my belt, so I can give you accurate army info. I’ve never served in any other branch, though, but I can probably give you a little bit more accurate info than what the movies do if you’ve got general questions.

Also, if you’ve got questions about PTSD, I can help with that. It’s not the cake walk that a good deal of fics portray it as, and it doesn’t always involve nightmares and aversion to touch. It can present as depression, intense anger issues, pulling away from loved ones, driving in the middle of the road, freaking out over pops, bangs, crashes and other unexpected noises, being easily startled by things other than noises, hypervigilance, the inability to sit with one’s back to the room, sudden bouts of anger, depression, tears, silence, or mood swings, among many others.

-Also, please, please, if you’re going to write about someone with a disability, or something that gave them a medical discharge, talk to me about the VA first, unless you’ve got a lot of knowledge about them. Not only am I in, but I’ve also worked professionally for the VA, some of that time in enrollment and eligibility, so I know a lot about disability pensions, who would qualify, what type of benefits they would qualify for, etc. I also know the ways that people can accidentally get screwed over from the VA. (It’s actually one of my long-term professional goals to change some of those things, so I am very passionate and very knowledgeable about it.)



TL;DR: I know shit about the military and the VA. Ask me if you have accuracy questions.

Literally how I became happy.

A lot of you guys are always concerned about me because the more that I share, the more you realize I’m a real person with struggles and issues and I’m not 100% okay 100% of the time haha so I just wanna give an update and share some insight on how I’ve been doing and what I’ve been working on.
The hair cut is the visible part. The change is sooooo real. I look like a different person but I seriously FEEL like one. Surface changes: I live in Tennessee. I have short blonde hair. I’ve now dated two guys that I actually loved. I own a house and a car. Before, I lived in California, I had freaking long brown hair, I shared a mini van with four other people, I’d never been on a date and truly questioned whether I’d ever meet anyone that liked me for who I was, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life past like two years into the future and I felt like I would live with my parents forever. So a lot of big things have changed but honestly the biggest changes happened inside with less visible results. You can only see it in my smile and hear it in my words. But really you’ll see it in my actions over the next 12 months. It’s just the beginning.
I honestly don’t know where it came from. The last six years I have been so passive. My life has been happening to me. There have been some breakthrough moments where I learned a lot about myself and my confidence and self love, yes. I had some good times for sure. But as far as knowing what I want and where I wanna go, I was not good at that. I felt SO powerless and began to withdraw more and more, in my friendships, my career, our band, my family, everything. I shared so little each day, I had so few ideas, I didn’t create much, I only wrote when I was really upset or inspired (which wasn’t that often), I had no social life, no vision for myself, no confidence that anyone would ever love me and I just wasn’t living a rich life at all. I was an observer hoping that one day someone or something would come along and make my life actually enjoyable. I was constantly waiting. I journaled a lot and released a lot of emotion, that part was good. I just felt like I was living in a cave, stuck in the past, not doing much each day to actually experience life.
Then we moved across the country. *shock* *panic* *whoa*. That was the first time I was really shaken up.
Then I had my heart broken. Twice. I fell in love and both times it didn’t work out. I NEEDED that, to meet people who actually got me and appreciated my personality and loved all my quirks and my strange mind and how childlike I am. For the first time I felt understood. I wouldn’t change a thing. I was so closed off for so long and suddenly I was ripped open. Someone was asking for my time and attention and I had to give it to them. I was so scared but I really wanted to experience that side of life so I had to let those people see me and experience who I was. It was so good for me omg. I felt like my heart was shriveled and frozen before that, it had seen the sun maybe three times, but once that happened it absolutely bloomed. Not everyone has to fall in love to open their heart but for me that’s how it happened.
Anyway it was really intense and pushed me to the edge, dealing with that loss. I cut off all my hair. I just had enough. I was so drained. I had felt so vulnerable throughout my dating experiences, such a long period of trusting and hoping after so many years of doing the opposite, I guess I became a little over exposed. I pictured myself feeling tough and strong after a particularly intense weekend of fighting and I saw myself with no hair. It was kind of a crazy idea at first but it turned into a real desire. After a few days of thinking it over, I took the plunge.
What. A. Rush.
Suddenly I just wanted to feel alive. I went a little overboard but I did so many things. Concerts, road trips, bonfires, social plans nonstop, shopping, reinventing my style… I was really hurting during this time and I just wanted to feel better. I don’t regret doing so much but I’m glad I came down after a month and examined myself. I realized how much I was hurting and I faced it. I felt scared, hurt, abandoned, broken and vulnerable but it was comforting to identify that. Once you face it, you can feel it, release it and eventually let it go.
In October I realized I wanted more. I actually had dreams. Cutting my hair showed me I could have an idea, see it through and that it could actually go well! I wanted that on a bigger scale. I started writing again, all the time. I took an interest in my appearance again. Before, I just wanted people to think I’m pretty. Of course I still do but now it’s so much more than that. It actually is for me. When my outfit/makeup/overall look matches my mood, I feel so much more confident, comfortable with myself and ready to take on the day. Even in my work out clothes, I always try to coordinate them now and make them feel good because I know I just do more with my day when I feel confident and ready to put myself out there. You don’t need to look perfect AT ALL, in fact sometimes that can cause more stress because it puts more pressure on you. Just take the time to put yourself together and feel GOOD about what you’re wearing each day. It seriously makes a huge difference. And especially DO NOT wear anything that makes you feel bad. GET RID OF IT!!!! All your clothes should make you feel cute in some way.
Idk how this happened but I kind of just realized nothing is a big deal. The way I used to live, EVERYTHING was a HUGE deal. Texting a guy? Leaving the house? Spending 30 dollars? Calling someone first? All terrifying things I dreaded and avoided at all costs. I had to work through so much INTENSE anxiety when I first started dating, it was really sad how much that freaked me out and how much I had to work through just to get to a point where I felt comfortable going on one date or being the object of a man’s attention. I felt so incredibly unworthy.
Anyway, maybe it was the hair cut but sometime around then I just became really bold. Right now I feel like almost nothing scares me. My biggest fear is probably trusting people that have hurt me. That’s one thing I can think of that I’m struggling with and truly terrifies me, trying to rebuild broken relationships. I’m having help working through that. Other than that, there are so few things I won’t try, won’t pursue, won’t say to someone. I am becoming more bold, confident, comfortable in my own skin and sure of myself with each passing second. I just feel GOOD. Nothing is that big of a deal! Seriously force yourself to take more risks and you’ll quickly understand what I mean. You can spend weeks, months, even years fearing things and trying to predict what will happen but once you finally do them you’ll see just how unnecessary all that stress was. Nothing is that hard, that daunting, that permanent. Heck, even tattoos can be removed these days.
I think that was the biggest change of all so far: the removal of fear. Fear used to be the gas in my tank, it absolutely fueled me. Now it’s faith. I am so ON FIRE for my life!!!!!! I have so many exciting dreams I want to pursue, so much I want to create, so many places I want to go, things I want to experience, learn, master, people I want to meet and be around….. I love it all. I decide what I want and I go after it. I look at myself in the mirror and I smile. I’m starting to look as bold and unique as I feel. The long hair was beautiful and fun and maybe one day I’ll want it back but for now, it just feels too plain for how colorful and out of the box my mind is. I always used my mind a lot but I wasn’t exploring it much before. Now that I’m embracing my unconventional brain, I just want to express that openness and share it with the world.
Also I’ve noticed I’m getting disappointed comments from traditional, conformist men I never wanted to date anyway that used to love my hair 😂 so no offense but I was never interested in you anyway, there are soooooo many long haired women in the world you can comment on that you’ll probably never even meet but i’m just one less you need to worry about hahaha. All of the bold men that liked me before just like me more now. And I think it’s because I also like myself more! Confidence attracts confidence! I’m growing into the baller I was born to be and it’s just helping me attract more ballers 😂😂
BTW THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING LONG HAIR OR A MORE SIMPLE STYLE I FULLY SUPPORT IT. YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON OR LIVE A WILD UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE TO BALL OUT ON EVERYONE THATS JUST HOW I CHOOSE TO DO IT HAHA. EVERYONE IS A BALLER IN THEIR OWN WAY I EMBRACE AVERAGE LOOKING PEOPLE AND WILD LOOKING PEOPLE, AS LONG AS YOURE LIVING A LIFE YOU LOVE AND CHOOSING WHAT TRULY FULFILLS YOU!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE JUST LIVE IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT 🙌🏼
Anyway, I feel so much more confident in myself, men or no men. It’s funny cuz I finally stopped worrying about guys and now I actually interact with them the way I always wanted to hahaha.
I no longer rely on the approval of others to get through the day. I no longer feel paralyzed by fear every morning and night. I no longer ponder whether I’m worthy of a date or not. I no longer look in the mirror and sigh. I no longer think of the future as a blurry grey blob filled with hopelessness, uncertainty and fear. I know it will be whatever I make it and I am going to make it freaking phenomenal.
That’s a huge key, putting YOURSELF in the drivers seat. Forget this message of victimization. You are the person holding yourself down but YOU can be the one to lift yourself up!!!! Wow I just got a huge craving for meat loaf and mashed potatoes. HAHAHA. Anyway, put yourself in control. Ask God for guidance. Trust that you are taken care of always because YOU ARE. Embrace yourself. Stop thinking you have to be perfect. Stop thinking you’re unlovable. Realize how cool you are and how much you have going for yourself. Jump in and try things. Stop thinking you have to be “ready”. THE LESSONS OF FAILURE ARE FAR MORE VALUABLE THAN THE PRIZES OF SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, go kill it. Embrace yourself. Blossom. Live. Come alive. You got this 👊🏼💗

Becoming Queer

When I was 8 I was obsessed with Disney’s Aladdin. Not just the original movie, but both of it’s poorly made sequels too. I watched them everyday after school while I drew pictures in our basement TV room, simultaneously fixated on their adventures and creating my own on paper.

I remember being absolutely in awe of how handsome Aladdin was, but also of the beauty of Princess Jasmine. They were the most attractive people I could ever imagine existing.

When I was 10 my mom gave me an American Girl book all about puberty and the female body. I only read through the whole thing once, but I left it close to my bed because of the one page I looked at nearly everyday.

It was one of the sections of the book on bodily changes throughout puberty– body hair, periods, etc. At the bottom of was a picture of several girls in front of a mirror, completely naked, to illustrate the different sizes and shapes of breasts. I was absolutely fascinated by these girls: the soft curves of their hips, their round and full breasts, the way their thighs came together. Despite their cartoonish nature, this was the closest I’d come to seeing a grown girl’s body. It was foreign and beautiful to me.

Somehow, I knew this wasn’t normal, so I always hid the book after I was done in case mom asked why I still had it.

When I was 12 I found my self distracted in classroom discussion circles looking at girls chests and lips and thighs. Every time I caught myself I’d immediately look down at my lap and blush. I’d learned by now that it wasn’t normal for girls to look at other girls like that, what it meant to be gay. But I’d eventually find my eyes wandering again, my thoughts focused on how beautiful one of my female classmates was.

I remember walking down the hallway one day mentally reciting “you can’t be a lesbian, you like boys… every girl must look at each other like this.”

When I was 13 one of the girls that I clung to during PE (because they were just as repulsed by physical exertion as I was) told us she was bisexual. This was the first time I’d been told someone could be attracted to boys and girls at the same time. It was confusing and enlightening at the same time.

I remember she put her arms around my shoulders once, during badminton week, her face inches from mine. It made me nervous, but in a way that I’d never felt before. My stomach had dropped, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like the fear I’d felt from scary movies and my dad yelling at me, but it wasn’t quite like when I felt exhilarated from riding a rollercoaster or binging on sugar with my friends… it was something in between, and entirely new.

I’d told my mom about it and she immediately wanted to call the principal and make sure the girl didn’t touch me like that again. That scared me, her reacting like that. I started acting repulsed by the girl afterwards, telling my friends she had flirted with me even though I wasn’t entirely sure she had, how weird it was and how weird she was.

Looking back, I probably wish that she had been flirting with me.

When I was 14 I was acquainted with the first queer couple I’d ever met. They were in theatre with me, and I’d been wanting them to start dating for months. At this point I’d stopped acting weirded out by gay people and claiming that bisexual people were “selfish and should just pick a side already.” I openly showed my support for gay people, citing my theatre friends of examples of how “normal” they could be.

I walked in on the couple in the dressing room one rehearsal, shocked to see them making out. I stood in the doorway a moment, then walked out without either of them seeing me.

I thought about their kiss for the whole day, wondering how their relationship worked, what it was like to date someone of the same gender as you. I was dating a boy at the time, my first boyfriend and the one that would create fear and an inability to trust for my entire high school career when he started abusing me. I wondered if this couple’s relationship could be anything like ours.

When I was 15 I joined Tumblr. I’d just moved from Michigan to Alabama, had my heart broken by my abusive boyfriend furthering the pain he was inflicting by cheating on me, and was just beginning to realize that I had an eating disorder with no idea how to feel about it or whether or not I wanted it to go away.Tumblr became a place for me to escape all this into “fandoms” and “fitblrs” and personal posts from strangers I didn’t know but whose lives intrigued me. It was on Tumblr that I first encountered the word “pansexual.” I was 16.

I was intrigued and slightly obsessed with the concept of it, pansexuality. I’d only just begun to learn about transgender and heard rumors of other genders outside of men and women, and being attracted to all of them or being “genderblind” seemed impossible, but incredible. I spent months randomly researching sexual orientation and transgender people before finally adopting the term as my own.

Though, it was only in my head that I claimed pansexuality as my own. I didn’t want to tell anyone… not because I was ashamed so much, I’d forgotten that stigma several years ago, but more because I was afraid that I only wanted to be pansexual, not that I actually was.

After all, if only ever been in relationships with boys at that point. How could I know if I was actually attracted to other genders if I’d never dated them?

When I was 17 I got my first crush on a girl. I didn’t recognize that that was my motive at the time, but I was constantly staring at her in the two classes we shared, payed special attention when she spoke, and the day she announced that she had a Tumblr I made it my goal to be a part of her life.

By winter we were best friends. By summer I’d begun to realize the extent of my feelings for her. The first time I got drunk at 19 I blurted out that I thought about making out with her all the time. I told her how I felt at 20, 3 years of pining later.

She told me she didn’t feel the same.

When I was 18 and in my first year of college, I binge watched all of Laci Green’s videos on YouTube, deciding that it was time I figured out how my body and how sex worked. Through her I found not only the courage to masturbate for the first time, but my first confrontation with “third genders.”

I obsessively studied nonbinary genders, claiming to just be interested in them, giving speeches and presentations on them for class, messaging nonbinary people to ask about their experiences. I came to accept that I identified with this term the summer of my sophomore year of college.

When I was 18 I also came out to my dad. I’d already come out to my close friends, sisters, and mother at this point– all giving me generally positive responses. This was not the case with my dad.

We were fighting in the kitchen, something that had become a regular thing since I’d started expressing my feminist and liberal beliefs. He was making homophobic comments and I guess I must of have been very clearly upset by this, because he asked, “do you have a problem with that?”

To which I responded, “Yeah, because I like girls, dad!”

My outburst led to two and a half years of him telling me that my identity was fake, a scheme to get attention, that all I believed was a result of my being brainwashed at college and my own self delusion. The full force my panic, bipolar disorder, and depression came out during this time. The first time I thought of killing myself was when he threatened to kick me out and cut me off from my sisters if I didn’t stop with this “feminazi LGBT bullshit.”

When I was 19 I started dating one of my best friend from high school– a boy, but pansexual like myself, I felt like this was the first queer relationship I’d been in.

He told me he didn’t want a monogamous relationship, that he identified as polyamorous– which I knew because this was one of the reasons his last relationships hadn’t worked out. Thinking I wouldn’t fall as desperately in love with him as I did, I agreed to an open relationship.

Two months into the relationship and much research and self reflection later, I’d come to accept that I was also polyamorous and I never wanted a monogamous relationship again.

When I was 20 a girl on Tumblr reblogged a set of selfies that I’d posted, exclaiming in the tags about how handsome I was. I took one look at her blog, saw the profile picture of her staring directly at the camera with intense blue eyes and an expression impossible to read, and immediately followed and messaged her my thanks.

We started messaging frequently, talking about such expansive and random things, things I’d never talked about with anyone. Soon we were messaging everyday and I began to realize how hard I was falling. I wanted her, I wanted her so badly.

I hadn’t had a crush on a girl that’d worked out in my favor and I was constantly pining for a girlfriend. I loved my boyfriend, I was still attracted to men and non-feminine genders, but I felt not only “too straight” to be queer at that point, but also like I was missing some sort of affection in my life that only a feminine partner could fill. And I was beginning to wonder if this girl was the person who could finally end my wanting.

The only problem with this girl was that she lived an ocean away from me, in Denmark to be specific. But my feelings became so strong that I couldn’t just be silent anymore: I told her I liked her.

She said she felt the same.

Today, March 2nd, 2017, Hayley Kiyoko released the music video for her single “Sleepover.” It wrecked me.

Hayley has become someone that I not only admire, but someone who makes me feel so validated in who I am. A mixed, Japanese American, queer girl in love with art and comfy clothing. Before Hayley, I’d never felt like there was anyone in the media who was even remotely like me. With great music and a connection I’d never felt in any other celebrity before, I became an avid fan. So naturally, when the video for “Sleepover” was released it only took me minutes to find it on YouTube and watch.

The music video was so much more than I could have anticipated, actualizing all my experiences as a queer feminine person, admiring from a far, living in my head with my fantasies and no hope of ever being able to experience them in reality. With this video I was thrown back into all the years I spent confused and afraid of how I felt and who I was, all the girls I wanted to be with but knew they couldn’t work out, or didn’t work out even when I tried. And as melancholy as these thoughts were at first, it pushed me to the realization:

I love who I’ve become. I love that I’m queer.

And despite how grueling the process of it all has been, I wouldn’t trade all that heartache for a normal life if I could. I wouldn’t give it all up to be the straight girl with no struggles or worries about who she loved as I once believed I would. Even with the pain that it had brought, becoming queer has made me the person I am today.

And I love that person, even if there are still rough edges to be smoothed, I am finally unafraid of who I am.

101 litre of tears

In regards to Kwon Hyunbin’s attitude on produce 101 during the team performance practices, I personally feel that Hyunbin is being misunderstood due to what mnet has purposefully edited and shown to its viewers. I’m sharing my personal views about this because this can be the difference between being eliminated and debuting. 

During the Pick Me practice we were able to see how hardworking Hyunbin was, he practiced the dance together with other fellow trainees and its obvious how much Hyunbin is lacking in his dance skills, as he was unable to learn the dance choreography up to speed and has missed certain moves. However Hyunbin is very honest and very aware of how much he is lacking, it is clear that he makes up for his lack of skill with devotion and hard work. 

I understand that Hyunbin is lacking in skills and experience in comparison to the other trainees however that doesn’t mean he’s completely lacking in will, commitment and hard work. It is extremely obvious how hardworking he is, however due to his lack of experience in training Hyunbin is not a fast learner and thus requires more time than others to fully familiarise himself with the routine. Hyunbin practised until late and even practiced the song in bed before sleeping and we could all see he practically fell asleep while holding his lyrics sheet. 

During Hyunbin’s personal evaluation recording unfortunately he blanked out due to nervousness and anxiety which unfortunately cost him the opportunity to move up in rank. I personally believe that this particular stumble really affected Hyunbin because he genuinely thought he would have been able to show the trainers and viewers how much he has improved. Hyunbin’s mentality and confidence significantly dropped following his failure to move up in the grade rank evaluation.

Hyunbin’s hard work and efforts are strongly acknowledged amongst the fellow trainees and they all share kind words of encouragement to Hyunbin. They sympathise with him even more us they saw very clearly how hard he trained and it is extremely unfortunate that nervousness and anxiety took over him, preventing him from showcasing what he had practised for. 

From very early on we as viewers were shown Hyunbin’s true personality, we see clearly he is just as hardworking and devoted as any A B C D or F ranking trainee, however it is unfortunate that Mnet had decided to depict Hyunbin very differently and negatively during the recent Team Performance practice, in episode 4. I was rather unimpressed with Mnet’s choice to focus solely on Hyunbin’s struggles, I would have much rather enjoyed seeing how Jonghyun lead the group and the groups vocal practices, especially since their vocalist Kim Jaehwan is an individual trainee and was also struggling with the choreography. Mnet’s choice to focus on Hyunbin and Jonghyun’s interactions lead to viewers to see only the negatives. Mnet had edited the sequence as to confuse and manipulate the viewers into seeing Hyunbin very negatively which is rather unfair. 

As previously mentioned Hyunbin is definitely not the fastest learner among the bunch due to having no experience in training, however since practicing for the first mission until now he has shown he is slowly adapting and has learned to improve. I believe it was a blessing for Hyunbin to be chosen by Minhyun as he is now given to the opportunity to work alongside Jonghyun. Jonghyun was so incredibly patient and understanding to Hyunbin, he lead the team and Hyunbin in detail step by step. He also continually praised and encouraged Hyunbin that he also could follow the routine well, I believe this was certainly vital in Hyunbin’s overall improvement. As the team mission was right after the rank evaluation I believe Hyunbin’s personal confidence must have dropped significantly as he failed to move up in rank. He must have had so much self doubt built up within him as he believed no matter how much effort, and hard work he put into practicing, he would still not improve. However under Jonghyun’s sincere guidance Hyunbin made progress little by little, Jonghyun also helped Hyunbin rekindle his lost confidence and spirit.

Unfortunately during the dance practice evaluation by their dance coach Hyunbin once again was unable to showcase what he had learnt properly. Also since he is a slow learner I believe at this stage he most likely wasn’t fully familiar with the routine, now as previously mentioned he is  slow learner thus he will need a little more time than others. Which is fine as long as he continues to practice hard and doesn’t lose focus of his goal, he will soon build up more skill and be able to learn at the same pace as his fellow trainees. However it is unfortunate that the dance trainer isn’t on the same page as Hyunbin, but thats understandable as he is looking at the bigger picture and is worried that Hyunbin’s lack of skills may bring down the overall performance. 

Hyunbin himself is the most aware of his skills and abilities hence he knows that he most definitely is not as prepared for this training evaluation with the trainer. When Hyunbin alongside Jaehwan are asked to showcase the routine they have learnt, they unfortunately do not perform to standard and maybe Hyunbin’s nerves and anxiety got to him again and he was unable to showcase what he has learnt. Jonghyun himself stated that he was confident in what Jaehwan and Hyunbin have learnt thus far as he was there guiding them along so he knows that they have learnt the routine and even though the weren’t the most amazing dancers, Jonghyun is aware that they would be able to complete the routine well. Jonghyun stated that his members should be able to do well, meaning he is aware of their abilities and knows that his members did do their best to learn the routine as everyone else, however he is nervous because he understands that his members are nervous and yes mistakes can happen. 

I personally felt that is was extremely unfortunate that Jonghyun was pointed out as being the reason his members did not remember the routine. It felt extremely unfair since he was shown to have sincerely lead and guided the team really well during practice. Even though he was lectured Jonghyun still believed that it was his fault that he did not lead the team well enough. In reality each and every person learns at their own pace, and thats fine as we will all reach the finish line at our own pace. 

I felt that Mnet’s choice to solely focus Hyunbin’s struggles to be so unfair as I would have enjoyed to see the whole teams dynamics together, more of Minhyun as he was the one who created this team overall, Seongwoo as he was the groups centre who was not lacking in dance or vocals, or maybe show us how he was struggling with the routine but picked himself up(similar to his struggles during the rank evaluation) and Jaehwan the individual trainee who shined with his vocals but needed a little more guidance with dance. I would have liked to see the team help both Jaehwan and Hyunbin with the routine. Also Daniel who was shown to be a bit at ill one point, it would have been nice to see more of Jonghyun’s interactions with each member as their leader, but unfortunately we were only shown what Mnet wanted us to see and that was only Hyunbin’s struggles and how he was bringing the team down, even though it was nice to see Jonghyun as the genuine and sincere leader to Hyunbin, it would have been even greater to see Jonghyun as the sincere leader to each one of his members. I believe that if we were shown the struggles of this as a whole, then none of us would have seen Hyunbin so negatively because we would instead see how this team was able to overcome each obstacle together.

Mnet’s choice to only showcase these various scenes was most certainly pre meditated, they knew that by showing these specific scenes it would paint Hyunbin in a very specific and negative manner. While it is true that Hyunbin is lacking in many departments, I was sure he wasn’t lacking in hard work and determination as shown during the rank evaluation, hence to see Hyunbin acting like so did make me disappointed and question his recent change in behaviour. However it is simple to understand as Hyunbin had never been a trainee before in his life he is now still adapting to trainee schedules and routines thus he will want to rest more than others, not because he is lazy but because he physically cannot keep up to the other members. Kwon Hyunbin is not lazy he simply has not built up the same stamina and resistance as the other members hence he is still adapting to the long hours of training, Hyunbin is physically not able to keep up but he is trying to. As Hyunbin was a trainee in a modelling agency I doubt he underwent intense and rigorous training hours as his members in actual talent agencies. 

Kim Jonghyun - training period - 8 years 2 months 

Hwang Minhyun - training period - 6 years 3 months 

Kim Jaehwan - training period - 4 years 2 months

Kang Daniel - training period - 2 years 1 months

Ong Seongwu - training period - 8 months

Kwon Hyunbin - training period - 3 months 

These type of scenes where Hyunbin is shown to be not practicing, resting or when he was shown hiding in a small practice room seem to be very ambiguous as it was never shown why he was doing so. When the members are tired they may wish to rest and that is completely fair, however they only show Hyunbin resting making it seem like he was the only one do so while everyone practiced continuously, obviously that is untrue as I’m sure they all practiced and rested together. I’m aware that Hyunbin took more breaks but as previously mentioned he is simply not physically able to keep up with the members, also its unfair that Mnet did not show when Hyunbin would get back into practicing, as Hyunbin would rest for a bit but he would always come back to practicing, and overtime I’m sure he would develop stronger stamina and resistance to practice with his members. Also it was super ambiguous for Mnet to show Hyunbin hiding in the small practice room, we could all see he was holding a lyrics sheet and had an mp3 player with him, Hyunbin could have been practicing by himself because he was aware that he is lacking. Maybe he wanted to quickly improve by himself that by the time he went back to vocal practice he would be able to show his members how he’s improved. Hence once again I am disappointed in Mnet’s choice to only focus on the groups dance as opposed to vocal practice. 

Also yet another ambiguous scene by Mnet is when Hyunbin has trouble with his contact lenses, for all we know Hyunbin could have went back to the dormitory sorted out the issue and immediately returned to practice with his team members, we don’t know because Mnet never showed us that hence it leads the viewers guessing and can lead to them assuming he went back to the dorm to sleep and took hours to come back to practice. 

Daniels cut in particular was also very ambiguous because we do not know exactly when he said those words, it could have been when Hyunbin left to fix his contacts or maybe even during the beginning when Jonghyun was teaching Hyunbin step by step through the choreography, or even during vocal practice where Hyunbin might have also been struggling. The truth is we can never be sure because this is Mnet’s intention, they are intentionally being ambiguous and this is incredibly wrong because this can be the difference between being eliminated and debuting, and that goes for all of the trainees because I’m sure Hyunbin’s not the only one being negatively portrayed. 

During another one of the teams dance practices Hyunbin once again is shown leaving the practice room momentarily before being called back in by Leader Jonghyun. Here we are shown a sequence where Hyunbin is being lectured for not putting in all his effort and determination to train. Hyunbin is once again reminded that if he doesn’t do well at all than thats all everyone will see of him, not to mention it will also bring the team down overall. I’m extremely glad that Hyunbin was lectured by Jonghyun because it’s obvious to anyone who looks Hyunbin had momentarily lost his drive and confidence to do well. He wasn’t able to show himself in the first challenge and thus lost the chance to move up in rank, he wasn’t able to show himself during dance evaluation and again lost his confidence in his ability to even improve. 

Let’s backtrack to the first mission, when Hyunbin was unable to to perform due to nerves and anxiety he broke down because he felt that despite all his efforts he was just not going to improve and that heavily broke his spirits. So now that Jonghyun is lecturing him we can see that Hyunbin is looking down and fidgeting with his hands at one point. Personally I feel that Hyunbin is feeling extremely guilty because he is aware that his lacking self is bringing down the teams overall performance. The reason why I think so is because I also share similar self doubts as Hyunbin, when I’m confronted like Hyunbin by Jonghyun I look down, I fidget, quietly apologise and don’t even try to explain myself, I do this not because I don’t care that I’m being lectured or yelled at but because I’m feeling extreme guilt inside. Hyunbin is feeling extreme guilt, and disappointment towards himself, the boy wants to do well but momentarily he has lost his drive, his spirits and his confidence. 

Hence why I’m so glad Jonghyun is lecturing him because Jonghyun questions why he is in the competition. Jonghyun shares with Hyunbin that for him this competition is is last chance to succeed, he bets his life on this. I believe after hearing Jonghyun’s sincere words Hyunbin was also reminded of why he was here to compete, Hyunbin was able to find his drive and motivation to work even harder to succeed. 

Jonghyun really deserves the title of Nation’s Leader for he showed just so much patience and understanding with Hyunbin, I’m so thankful that Hyunbin was able to train alongside Jonghyun as without him maybe Hyunbin would have continued to spiral down after losing his confidence and motivation. I’m glad that Hyunbin was able to pick himself up and also hope he continues to work even harder in the future. 

We can see obviously here that Hyunbin after being reprimanded by Jonghyun was able to finally show both himself, his team and the trainers that he is a genuine and hardworking person. With Jonghyun’s sincere and genuine guidance we were able to see a perfect performance by all the members as a team. 

From the beginning we were able to see what type of person Kwon Hyunbin truly is, he has a drive, he is hardworking and very determined because he a like many others have given up so much to compete in Produce 101. Hyunbin was a very well established model prior to Produce 101 I knew his face from all the fashion weeks and editorials in which he appeared in, give him 1-2 years and his face might have appeared in many foreign editorials and advertisements, he could have also walked in many NY, London and Paris fashion week runways. Because of this I personally find it easy to cross off him wanting to be an idol for fame because as a model Hyunbin could have easily established more fame and success for himself. However Hyunbin has chosen to not take part in this season and for those who don’t know the fashion industry moves extremely fast, many designers create their collections a year in advance hence various of trends are already being considered way before it is released on the market. Designers don’t wait for trends, they create them hence Hyunbin choosing to participate in Produce 101 for the duration of 5-6 months has drastically impacted on his career. Even if Hyunbin does not debut and chooses to return to modelling after Produce 101 has ended it’ll still be a significant challenge for Hyunbin to be hired and casted because he has now missed a whole season and within this time numerous of male models would have taken his spot. The fashion and modelling industry is harsh, because their are millions of models around the globe happy to take your position. 

However none of that matters to Hyunbin because he sincerely wishes to debut, hence in spite of how you once viewed Hyunbin I hope you can all now see who he genuinely is and not what Mnet has portrayed him to be. 

ellitree  asked:

How do you find time to parent, work and fandom? I just had a baby in Jan and I haven't had time to *read* fic, much less write it!

Okay, so IMO the first year totally sucks!  And then–spoiler alert! - the second year also totally sucks!–which I personally found shocking because I thought, oh, it will get better, and then, no, it didn’t. And then there’s all sorts of despair that sets in. And you think, my god, nobody told me there was so much fucking manual labor in this, I did not go to school for for my whole fucking life and get all these degrees just to be carrying an enormous stroller with a kid in it down three flights of stairs, ow, my spine!  And I am covered in bruises! And then maybe you start to drink, you know, just a little, to deal with the colossal, colossal boredom of watching a small person lurch around from thing to thing because it is OMG SO DULL and yet you know for a goddamned fact that should you, say, look away for TEN SECONDS or try to read a page of writing they will KILL THEMSELVES and it will be your fault. (Ask me about how my son managed to hurt himself with a salad spinner.  No, don’t ask me. I still have PTSD.) Anyway you live like Alex in Clockwork Orange with toothpicks holding your eyes open, captive to the dullest show on earth. You will go on vacation and realize, no, this is not a vacation, this is just about watching the small person even more than usual because they are in new situations that can kill them, many of them now involving water. (Ask me about–no, don’t.) Your nerves are in shreds. And you think, wow, I will never get out of this and plus this child is getting heavy and still pooping himself, and I still have to lift them up onto the goddamned changing table. 

And then just when you’re about to give up, somewhere in the next year, between 2-3, they suddenly figure out the toileting thing and begin to say things like, “hey, can I have a bagel?” and honestly, from that point on it is more or less smooth sailing in my experience, at least comparatively. Once I wasn’t having to cart around formula and weird toddler meals and food and jars and diapers and wipes and all that stuff, fencing everything in, gates everywhere; once the kid could use the bathroom and ask for a bagel, it was like, okay, I can cope from this point on.  

Then there is what me and my friends call the five year facelift, because all of a sudden people go, “Hey, wow, you look great!”–because around year five they suddenly go to school for a big chunk of the day. And suddenly you can take a real shower and get your hair done and go to the gym and wear a shirt that’s not covered in baby spit and/or that you haven’t slept in, and your skin clears up.  

Your mileage may of course vary! I am told that many people really like small children and prize the early years, blah blah, baby smell. I am not one of those people. Things are to me infinitely better now that my son is a young hedonist with a sophisticated palate who shares my love of travel, who I am teaching to play cards with me as the mark of a civilized person, and who I am waiting to be old enough to bar-tend and clip for me from the London Review of Books.

Vis a vis work, I was pretty tired and there is a 2-3 year publishing gap on my CV, where I made a person, you know?  I missed deadlines for the first and only time in my life, which made me feel horrible. Vis a vis fandom, I now and then go back and read my Sherlock stories, which were the ones written during those years, and I am surprised to find that they’re quite good, considering that in my memory I clawed them out of my eyeballs word by agonizing word while screaming. The writing came back, though, like it did after I quit smoking (the other time I thought, yeah, I’m done - but I wasn’t done then either.)

I’m sorry, what was the question?

Considering it’s been a few years since I first started professionally tutoring high school students, I know that this time of the year is always anxious for graduating seniors. You know what college you’re going in to, what you want to (hopefully) study for the next four years - it’s a good time for the nerves to start kicking in! I try to follow a little acronym called “hope” (nope it’s not my favourite word nope) and I pass on this advice to my students every year - so I thought I would share it with studyblr this year!

→ Hobbies Are Important!
Your hobbies are things that shape you and define you, activities that provide you solace and peace of mind when you need it. When college rears its ugly head and life gets busy, it’s really easy to drop your hobbies but it’s really important to continue on with them, as best as you can. Once you’re finished with college, you may find yourself with a lot of empty time on your hands. The workplace doesn’t need you to do homework, prepare for exams and make study guides - so what does one do in all this spare time? Your hobbies are as good as anything, here. No matter how significant or insignificant they are, remember to hold them close to your heart.

→ Organisation Skills Are Key!
Many of the studyblr community understand this already, so I won’t elaborate on this too much. Much of the work at the K-12 level is structured easily for the student to understand, with things like worksheets and handouts. They’re not common in college (in fact, I’ve only had them in 2 classes in 3.5 years), so to keep on top of things, it’s important to have good note-taking skills, maintain a good planner and use whatever review methods work most effectively for you to study! You may feel like college is information overload, so rather than trying to keep it all in your head, it’s better to keep it written down, so that your mind is free to absorb new information!

→ Preparing Ahead Isn’t Just For Nerds!
That’s right, cool kids can do it too! Nothing bad has ever come out of reading the next class’ chapter ahead of time or starting a study guide for the next exam right after you finish the one during last class. Being aware of the context when learning makes it much easier for your brain to comprehend and understand new material - so if you read up ahead on the chapter and you don’t understand much of it, chances are that when you go to class your brain would’ve remembered keywords, which it’ll pick up during class and help you retain this information more.

→ Expectations Are Personal!
Success is a very relative term and should be taken on a personal level. Doing your own best is always what is important - don’t be weighed down by the expectations that others place on you. Many of you will be living away from home for the first time and it’s not easy, at all. “Work smart, don’t work hard” and such quotes make it seem like being disciplined and diligent is all that matters but it is also important to take breaks and take care of yourself too! Know when to take breaks and when to take time for yourself- but also remember to try outdoing yourself before outdoing anyone else!

Once again, this is just my opinion and tips based on my college experience. It is, by no means, an exhaustive list and I believe that once you begin, you too will come to realise some things on your own. I truly wish someone had pointed these things out to me during my freshman year at college but I hope that you come across this post and don’t go through the same mistakes I did! As usual, my askbox is always open for if you ever want to talk/discuss/chat/rant/whatever! I’m so thankful for this wonderful community and I cherish you all lots, just trying to do my bit and give back!

- alli ❀

Metempsychosis, 1.

Pairing: Park Jimin / Reader

Genre: Immortal!AU, Reincarnation!AU + Slight Soulmate!AU / Fluff, Angst + Smut

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: None

Summary: Being everlasting certainly has its perks, but loving someone who does not have that privilege and reborn continually is not one of them.

Count: 2838 words.

Note: Thank you, @dimplecoups, for being in my inner circle and reading it over. This will be a three part series, and is told in Jimin’s POV.

Metempsychosis

And yet by death did life procure.

Various of theories are justificatory weaved in regards to our existence—that we either originated from a spiritual entity or created by a grand phenomenon. In the circumstance of a unique individual, he was produced by both; stars run in his veins for he is the embodiment of the galaxies, ethereal in every way. An enigma, some would say, yet was he truly a complex being? For the span of four hundred years, he had witnessed all that history could offer, but there was an uncomplicated reason for his melancholy: where was his moon? Where was his sun and stars, the one who was his celestial beloved? Surely, he was not meant to roam alone.

Or was he?

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