but i destroyed myself making this

I don’t know who I am
without all this
this fear
this sadness
all things I want to lose
everything familiar
I don’t know who I am
without controlling
without questioning myself
without hating myself
who am I
without this self destroying mess
who am I
without these coping mechanisms
all these things that make me feel safe

But
what if it will never change?

—  Fifty Shades of Self-Destruction.
6

mist and shadow
cloud and shade
all shall fade

all shall fade

The Signs as Heartbreak Quotes (Sun & Venus)

ARIES:

“Be careful when trying to fix a broken person, for you may cut yourself on their shattered pieces.” 

TAURUS:

“It’s not what I feel for you, it’s what I don’t feel for anyone but you.” 

GEMINI:

“The only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it.” 

CANCER:

“If brokenness is a form of art, darling, you’ve turned me into a masterpiece.” 

LEO:

“I hope I cross your mind once in a while just so that I won’t feel pathetic for thinking of you all the time.” 

VIRGO:

“I hate you because I will have to wonder for the rest of my life why I wasn’t enough.” 

LIBRA:

“Those who are heartless once cared too much.” 

SCORPIO:

“The reckless irony in how I tried to get revenge on you by destroying myself.”

SAGITTARIUS:

“I don’t hate you, I never will. I just act like I do, because it’s easier than admitting that I miss you.” 

CAPRICORN:

“The worst goodbyes are the ones never said.” 

AQUARIUS:

“Maybe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love.” 

PISCES:

“If I treated you the way you treated me, you’d hate me.”

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’
‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’
‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’
‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’
‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’
‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’
‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’
‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’
‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’
‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’
‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’
‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’
‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’
‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’
‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’
‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’
‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’
‘  i am fucking divine.  ’
‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’
‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’
‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’
‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’
‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’
‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’
‘  i bow to no man.  ’
‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’
‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’
‘  i cannot be saved.  ’
‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’
‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’
‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’
‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’
‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’
‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’
‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’
‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’
‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’
‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’
‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’
‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’
‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’
‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’
‘  i have no home anymore.  ’
‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’
‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’
‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’
‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’
‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’
‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’
‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’
‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’
‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’
‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’
‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’
‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’
‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’
‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’
‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’
‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’
‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’
‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’
‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’
‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’
‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’
‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’
‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’
‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’
‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’
‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’
‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’
‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’
‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’
‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’
‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’
‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’
‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’
‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’
‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’
‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’
‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’
‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’
‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’
‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’
‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’
‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’
‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’
‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’
‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’
‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’
‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’
‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’
‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’
‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’
‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’
‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’
‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’
‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’
‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’
‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’
‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

Air Moons & Emotion ♊️♎️♒️🌕

From a young age, air moons are taught that their emotions are worthless. Whether it be by firsthand experience or parents coming right out and saying it, air moons constantly have their feelings invalidated. This happens several times in youth so eventually when they grow up, they can no longer express their emotions in a healthy way.

*“air moons” will be abbreviated to AM’s

Examples of behavior in childhood:

-people laugh at AM’s frustration

-AM’s ridiculed for expressing their identity through clothes, hair, personality, etc

-AM’s given harsh criticisms

-AM’s called overdramatic or told they are overreacting when they were not

-AM’s manipulated into thinking they do not have a right to be upset

-AM’s humiliated for having feelings whether it be having a crush, or being excited about their hobbies, etc

-AM’s being laughed at for being logical

-AM’s being called cold or heartless

-AM’s being yelled at for disagreeing with other’s opinions

-AM’s being told what to think and how to act

-AM’s secrets being shared without their permission

-AM’s being punished or blamed for what someone else has done

-AM’s berated for not having proper manner’s

-AM’s told they are selfish

-AM’s being forgotten or left out

The above behaviors destroy Air moon’s ability to process their feelings. Air moon’s grow up thinking their emotions do not serve them any purpose, and so they try to cast them away. They learn that emotions only cause them humiliation from others, make them seem weak, and cloud their judgement. The sad part is when they grow up, people will then make fun of Air moon’s for ‘not having feelings’ even though they are the reason for the repression in the first place. People get used to Air moon’s having little emotional outbursts and so when an Air moon does become upset, people’s first reaction is to say ‘this isn’t like you, it’s not that big a deal, stop overreacting.’ But this is detrimental to Air moon’s conscious. After such an incident, the Air moon will try even harder to hide and destroy every emotion they have. They will try to never let you see that side of them again. Holding in such feelings is exhausting and harmful to the Air moon. They must learn how do undo the damage done in early childhood. They must stop overanalyzing their thoughts and actions. They must learn to stop saying 'I do not have a right to feel this way and so I will make myself no longer feel this way’ and start accepting their feelings for what they are. It is ok to be angry, to be upset, to be confused. Air moons must learn that emotions do not make one weak.

I want the boys to get a break from being defenders of the universe and take a little vacation at some alien B&B where they can cuddle in bed for hours without worrying about zarkon 

(lance is the big spoon and it makes keith feel safe n loved)

(rub ur butt on his junk keith do it)

Hey guys! Haven’t made a quotes masterpost in a while, so I created one for the composes! And I know it’s a different header format, but I wanted to try it out! As always, I hope you enjoy these quotes and find them inspirational, like I have.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

  • “I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.”

Johannes Brahms

  • “Without craftsmanship, inspiration is a mere reed shaken in the wind.”

Virgil Thomson

  • “Let your mind alone, and see what happens.”
  • “I don’t go around regretting things that don’t happen.”
  • “Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.”

Franz Schubert

  • “Easy mind, light heart. A mind that is too easy hides a heart that is too heavy.”
  • “The moment is supreme.”
  • “The world resembles a stage on which every man is playing a part.”
  • “You believe happiness to be derived from the place in which once you have been happy, but in truth it is centered in ourselves.”

Gustav Mahler

  • “It should be one’s sole endeavor to see everything afresh and create it anew.”
  • “Fortunately, something always remains to be harvested. So let us not be idle.”
  • “A symphony must be like the world. It must contain everything.”
  • “It is easier to achieve a desired result in short pieces.”
  • “Never let oneself be guided by the opinion of one’s contemporaries. Continue steadfastly on one’s way.”
  • “The point is not to take the world’s opinion as a guiding star but to go one’s way in life and working unerringly, neither depressed by failure nor seduced by applause.”
  • “I don’t let myself get carried away by my own ideas - I abandon 19 out of 20 of them every day.”

Claude Debussy

  • “A beautiful sunset that was mistaken for a dawn.”
  • “Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art.”

John Cage

  • “We are involved in a life that passes understanding and our highest business is our daily life.”
  • “We carry our homes within us which enables us to fly.”
  • “The first question I ask myself when something doesn’t seem to be beautiful is why do I think it’s not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.”
  • “I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m frightened of the old ones.”
  • “There is no such thing as an empty space or an empty time. There is always something to see, something to hear. In fact, try as we may to make a silence, we cannot.”
  • “We need not destroy the past. It is gone.”
  • “When we separate music from life we get art.”

Leonard Bernstein

  • “To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.”

Franz Liszt

  • “Beware of missing chances; otherwise it may be altogether too late some day.”
  • “Inspiration is enough to give expression to the tone in singing, especially when the song is without words.”

George Gershwin

  • “Life is a lot like jazz… it’s best when you improvise.”
  • “True music must repeat the thought and inspirations of the people and the time.”
  • “I frequently hear music in the very heart of noise.”
  • “It is always possible to create something original.”

Ludwig van Beethoven

  • “I will seize fate by the throat; it shall certainly never wholly overcome me.”
  • “What you are, you are by accident of birth; what I am, I am by myself. There are and will be a thousand princes; there is only one Beethoven.”
  • “This is the mark of a really admirable man: steadfastness in the face of trouble.”
  • “Don’t only practice your art, but force your way into its secrets; art deserves that, for it and knowledge can raise man to the divine.”
Mischief and Babygirl // A Stiles Stilinski Roommate AU Smut

Prompt: Imagine two people being in a situation where they can’t stand each other and are forced to live together. They hate each other with every fiber in their body and are always mad about the smallest things. But, what they didn’t know was that they had made an online friend and had grown very fond of each other and started dating online with each other. When they decided to meet up and see one another for the first time, they find themselves in a very shocking and unexpected situation.

Relationship: Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Mutual Masterbation, Dirty Talk, Sexting, Nudes, Oral (male on female), Fingering, and Swearing.

Word Count: 6,829

A/N: This is definitely one of my favorite one-shots I have written. I really hope y’all like it, too. It’s another round of me and @celestial-writing just putting ideas together (love you)! Also, how fucking hot is angry Stiles tho???

And guys, I put this thing so you can now read your own name instead of (Y/N)!! If you’re not on my blog, you just have to click the little box which will take you there and BOOM, now my fics have become 100% personal for you! (Unfortunetly, doesn’t work on mobile)

Your name: submit What is this?


Immediately letting out a shout as anger boiled up inside of her for the millionth time today because of the same freckled boy, (Y/N) grabbed the empty jug of milk out the refrigerator and trudged towards the dining room table. There sat her four roommates and greatest friends in the world, well everyone except Stiles Stilinski that is.

“Stiles!” She yelled, throwing the empty bottle in his lap and startling him. “I swear to God, if you ever leave anything empty in the fridge again, I will kick your sorry ass!”

“Sweetheart, you couldn’t kick this ass no matter how hard you tried.” Stiles scoffed and took the bottle off of his body to place it on the table.

“You wanna bet?” (Y/N) threatened.

“Funny.” He laughed which only made the young woman even more furious than she already was.

Stiles immediately jumped when she harshly slammed her hand down on the surface in front of him, leaning her face so close to his that they were only inches apart.

“Never doubt a woman’s capacity to destroy someone.” (Y/N) stated, her voice harsh enough to make him gulp. “We do know how to perfectly get rid of blood stains after all.”

“Damn, Stiles.” Scott chuckled from his seat on the table. “If I were you, I’d go buy a lifetime supply of milk right now just to protect myself.”

“Nah,” Camile disagreed and everyone could hear the smile in her voice. “What they need to do is sleep with each other already. The sexual tension between you two is really tiring.”

“I’ll say.” Madi groaned. “I’m the one who’s room is right next to theirs and, God, the fighting is non-stop. Just have sex already, please? Not for the love of God, but for my sanity!”

“(Y/N) wishes she could get into my pants.” Stiles smirked, a grin playing on his lips as their eyes locked.

“Oh please, Stiles.” She scoffed, standing up straight again. “As if you actually had something in your pants that interested me.”

“Ouch.” Scott cringed and a devious smirk made its way onto (Y/N)’s lips when she noticed Stiles get offended by her comment. “I’d leave her alone after that one.”

Stiles angrily skid his chair back, its legs screeching against the tiles, and stood up. As intimidating as it was to have him look down into her eyes due to how much taller he was, (Y/N) stood her ground and didn’t dare shy away.

Out of nowhere, Scott picked up the butter knife he was using for his bagel and unexpectedly begin to swat the air in between the two young adults.

“What'cha doing there, Scott?” Stiles asked, their eyes now staring at their fellow roommate.

“Trying to cut the sexual tension between you two, but damn it’s too strong.” He laughed, the two other girls in the room laughing loudly along with him.

“Screw all of you.” (Y/N) huffed, walking away from every single one of them and going up the stairs to her room in anger.

As much as she hated to admit it, Scott was unfortunately right. There’s no doubt about the sexual tension within (Y/N) and Stiles and, yes, both of them have yet to confess that they’ve thought about being with each other on more than one occasion. But, even though she does have a secret crush on him and would love it if Stiles got under her bedsheets, the way he gets under her skin frustrates (Y/N) more.

Reaching the first floor of the house the five of them rent so they don’t have to live in crappy dorm rooms, the furious girl walked inside of her bedroom and shut the door behind her. The sound echoed through the halls and the four left downstairs all jumped at the sudden sound. Scott, Camile and Madi instantly glaring at Stiles.

(Y/N) immediately laid down on her messy bed and grabbed her phone from her nightstand. Tapping on the instant message app, she began texting her online friend. I wouldn’t exactly say that they were just online friends because it’s so much more than that. They’ve been texting each other anonymously for about a year now and couldn’t get enough. Neither one of them have ever shared a picture of their faces because they want to focus on personality and not appearance. All the time that they’ve spent texting, both knew for a fact that they really liked one another. Which is why the two are beyond nervous for their first blind date tonight.


Babygirl 💋 [12:45 pm]: Today is the day I commit my first murder, Mieczyslaw

Mischief 💚 [12:45 pm]: Roommate again? 😂

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: Well, where do you want us to hide the body?

Babygirl 💋 [12:46 pm]: Should we just bury him out in the woods?

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: Nah, that’s a dead end. The cops would find it too easily

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: What we need to do is go to the zoo and when no one’s looking

Mischief 💚 [12:47 pm]: We throw his body in the lion’s den

Mischief 💚 [12:47 pm]: There’s no crime if there’s no evidence

Babygirl 💋 [12:47 pm]: You know, sometimes your intelligence really scares me

Babygirl 💋 [12:47 pm]: You’re too much of a fucking genius!

Mischief 💚 [12:48 pm]: Just a genius?

Mischief 💚 [12:48 pm]: Nothing else? 😉😏

Babygirl 💋 [12:48 pm]: And really fucking sexy

Babygirl 💋 [12:48 pm]: Especially when you talk cop to me

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: Well, in that case…

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: All units proceed with caution

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: We have a 180 on our hands here

Babygirl 💋 [12:50 pm]: Fuck

Babygirl 💋 [12:50 pm]: The things you do to me…

Mischief 💚 [12:50 pm]: What kind of things, baby?

Mischief 💚 [12:50 pm]: Tell me everything you’re thinking 😉


(Y/N)’s entire body sparked with immediate desire the second she finished reading his message and she could already tell her panties were slowly getting wetter by the second.


Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: Well, for starters

Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: I can’t wait till our date tonight because I’ll finally be able to feel your lips on my own

Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: I’ll get to feel your hands all over my body

Babygirl 💋 [12:52 pm]: The friction of our skin sliding against each other taking over all of my thoughts


Stiles Stilinski shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he continued to read the dirty texts his online friend was sending him. The excitement for their blind date tonight getting stronger than ever and Stiles honestly couldn’t wait until he finally came face-to-face with the girl that completely takes over his thoughts. Well, second girl that is. The first being his favorite roommate (Y/N) (Y/L/N). He knew that he irritated her beyond belief, but he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked everytime her eyes glared at him with such fury that it instantly became sexy or how her lip would snarl in anger and how much he desperately wanted to bite down on it.

Their relationship was an addictive game of Cat and Mouse and both parties enjoyed every second.


Mischief 💚 [12:53 pm]: Fuck, baby

Mischief 💚 [12:53 pm]: What else?


“Do you have ants in your pants or something?” Camile questioned the smirking young man and Stiles’ head immediately snapped up at the blonde. “Stop moving so much in your seat, dude.”

“U-Uh…” Stiles stuttered, feeling like he just got caught doing something very naughty. Which wasn’t exactly far from what was going on on his phone. “S-Sorry.”


Babygirl 💋 [12:54 pm]: I can’t wait till your mouth attaches to my neck

Babygirl 💋 [12:54 pm]: Then slowly keeps going down and down…


“Why do you keep grinning at your phone like that?” Madi asked, tearing Stiles away from the intoxicating text.

“He’s talking to his internet girlfriend.” Scott smirked. “They pretty much sext daily.”

“We do not sext daily!” Stiles complained at the same time that (Y/N) sent him a picture of her body in just her underwear, showing him exactly what he would be touching tonight. “Fuck.”

“What’d she send this time?” Scott laughed, the three curious twenty year olds trying to peak over Stiles’ phone to see.

“None of your business, Scott.” Stiles scolded, getting up from his chair and trudging away towards the staircase. “Or anyone else’s for that matter!”

“Make sure to clean yourself up afterwards!” Camile yelled.

“You’re disgusting!” Stiles shouted back, a holler of laughter taking over the dining room. “Go to hell!”

“Only if you’re there, too!”

Once Stiles reached his bedroom, he entered his safe space and shut the door behind him. By the way their texts were leading up to something more, he knew for a fact things were about to get hot and heavy and he didn’t need anyone passing by his room to see him in a very vulnerable state.


Mischief 💚 [1:02 pm]: I can’t wait to touch you, baby

Mischief 💚 [1:02 pm]: I’m literally counting the seconds until I finally get to lick your stomach

Babygirl 💋 [1:03 pm]: Fuck, Mieczyslaw

Babygirl 💋 [1:03 pm]: What else are you gonna do to me?

Mischief 💚 [1:03 pm]: My tongue is gonna keep going lower until it reaches the place you want me the most

Mischief 💚 [1:04 pm]: Then, I’m going to slowly circle it around your swollen nub

Mischief 💚 [1:04 pm]: I’m gonna wrap my lips around you and suck so hard you’ll be cumming in a matter of seconds

Babygirl 💋 [1:04 pm]: Oh God, Mieczyslaw

Babygirl 💋 [1:04 pm]: Keep going

Babygirl 💋 [1:05 pm]: I’m almost there


In the short time that Stiles spent arguing with his friends downstairs and texting her the dirty things she so desperately wanted to read, (Y/N) had removed her clothes, taken a picture of herself for him and began working on her own body thanks to how hot he’d made her. She started out by moving her hand slowly around her clitoris before using her other hand to pump two fingers inside of her soaking wet core. Even though she really liked Mieczyslaw, she didn’t exactly know what he looked like so, as shameless and dirty as it was, (Y/N) thought about the first sexy guy she could think of. That handsome man being, none other than, the exact same person that was currently thinking about her as he quickly unzipped his jeans and pushed his hand inside of his boxers to get a hold of himself.


Mischief 💚 [1:06 pm]: Fuck, that’s so hot

Mischief 💚 [1:06 pm]: Send me a picture

Babygirl 💋 [1:07 pm]: Attachment


Stiles cock twitched when he noticed that she hadn’t sent him a picture, but an actual video instead. Rubbing himself with one hand, Stiles used the other to press play on the video with eagerness laced in his blood. The footage began to roll and the boy licked his lips in anticipation. Stiles groaned and increased his pace on himself when he realized it was a video of the girl fingering herself for him, her sexy moans almost pornographic. It consisted of a full view of her body, her breasts perky for him as her finger moved fastly inside of herself. In a matter of seconds, (Y/N)’s legs began shaking to indicate she would be soon falling over the edge and that’s exactly what happened. Hearing the girl moan shamelessly and watching her entire body shudder as an overwhelming orgasm​ hit her, it didn’t take much for Stiles to also reach his.

His legs shook and his eyes shut, Stiles’ head falling back on his pillow, at the same time that hot cum shot out of his tip and immediately landed on his stomach. He imagined it was (Y/N) that had jerked him off and it was enough to make his high last longer. Stiles didn’t even mind the sticky release on his skin, all he could think about was how much pleasure he was currently in.

As soon as (Y/N) finished cumming and sent Mieczyslaw the footage, the girl had got up from her bed with satisfaction in her veins. She walked over to her closet and put on a robe before walking out of her bedroom to go to the bathroom and take a much needed shower. The second she passed by Stiles’ bedroom, however, desire and lust flooded her entire body when she suddenly heard him moaning uncontrollably.

“Hey, Stiles!” She shouted, knocking on the door and startling Stiles in the process. “Stop watching porn and go read a book!”


~


“(Y/N)!” Stiles yelled angrily, his fist pounding against the bathroom door. “Get out already! I have to leave soon!”

“So do I!” She shouted back, not caring about wherever it was Stiles needed to go to. “And I have actual hair to wash here!”

“Just don’t wash it!”

“I’m going on a date, idiot! I have to be completely clean!”

“For what?” Stiles questioned, sarcasm laced in his voice. “It’s not like he’s gonna go out of his way to sniff your hair!”

“No, but he’s definitely gonna be able to smell it when his head is snuck in my neck as he pounds me into oblivion!”

It was a simple comeback, but it did manage to sting Stiles’ heart in jealousy. Slamming his fist against the door one last time, the young man let out a frustrated grunt before walking away to his room.

(Y/N) gladly took her time to finish prepping herself in the shower until she finally decided to step out of the bathroom. Needless to say, Stiles was furious at the young woman but she couldn’t find a single bone in her body that actually cared. She wanted to look, smell and even taste her best for her date tonight and no man was going to stop her. (Y/N)’s been waiting for this special night for too long to worry about what other people had to say.

Which is why the young woman just walked right by Stiles without even giving him the chance to scold her. He stared in awe as she entered her bedroom, noticing how good she looked with her face flushed from the hot shower and the droplets of water running down her skin. Stiles’ mind immediately picturing himself licking the water off of her naked body and he felt slightly guilty.

The both of them got ready at the same time and the rest of the house watched in amusement as they simultaneously shared the bathroom, arguing the entire time. (Y/N) would try to look at herself in the mirror to put on mascara and he would get in her way to fix his quiff or just as Stiles would wet his toothbrush with the running water because (Y/N) was finishing up brushing her own teeth, she turned off the tap.

“You’re unbelievable.” Stiles groaned, shaking his head and opening the tap again.

(Y/N) didn’t say anything, she just blew him a kiss that was nothing shy of sass as she left the bathroom to finish her look in her bedroom. She had already fixed her hair and put on all of her makeup, so all she had to do next was take off her robe and wear the gorgeous black dress she specifically bought for tonight. Once she sprayed herself with her favorite perfume and was ready, (Y/N) walked down the staircase and approached her other three roommates in the living room.

“Well, how do I look?” She asked and they turned their heads to take in her outfit.

(Y/N) was absolutely gorgeous and it was no surprise everyone’s jaws were dropping at her breath-taking beauty.

“Like a queen.” Scott gawked, a genuine smile lighting up on (Y/N)’s lips.

“It’s not too much?” She questioned, spinning around for them.

“Hell no.” Madi smirked. “Whomever you’re seeing tonight is one lucky guy, my friend.”

“Good.” (Y/N) answered.

Just as she was grabbing her favorite coat from the rack, Stiles had reached the last step of the staircase and laid his eyes on the incredibly stunning woman before him. He immediately stopped in his tracks as his eyes grew wide at the sight. Her hair was perfectly done and a part of him wanted to run his fingers through it but the other part of him knew that if he did it would ruin the style and that would be a crime. Her makeup was simple, however the bold red lip definitely grabbed his attention and he wanted to smudge it with his own. (Y/N)’s long legs went on for days, Stiles already picturing them wrapped around his waist. However, what caught Stiles’ eyes the most was the alluring dress tightly hung against her beautiful curves. It made his brain spin in his head and jealousy crashed all over him at the thought of her being dressed like this for someone else.

“Do you really think you should be wearing a dress like that?” Stiles asked, clearing his throat and (Y/N) spun around to gaze at the source of the sudden voice.

“What is that supposed to mean, Stilinski?” She retorted, her manicured hand settling on her hip.

“That dress is too revealing.” He scolded. “It’s definitely not first date material.”

You’re not first date material.” (Y/N) scoffed, slipping her coat on.

She didn’t want it to be true, but the young woman could’ve sworn she saw a small glimpse of hurt in his eyes. But, it was soon gone before she could really check.

“Have fun on your date.” Stiles stated harshly as he walked past her and opened the door. “I hope he’s an ass.”

Before (Y/N) could even respond, Stiles was out the door and slammed it. The rough action surprising her and making her feel not only guilty but heartbroken that she caused that. (Y/N) loved the hate relationship she had with Stiles, but she also knew she wanted more. The two constantly fought because they were so alike. Stiles loathed how quick and sarcastic she was, but at the same time loved that only she could handle bickering​ with him. (Y/N) despised that he always managed to point out the things about her no one ever noticed, but loved that Stiles actually paid enough attention to see them. It was a complicated game they played, but the two were masters at it.

“Do you ever get tired of the way you treat each other?” Scott spoke up from the couch and (Y/N) turned around to look at him, the hurt still evident on her face.

“Sometimes.” She answered softly.

“Shouldn’t you two just stop?” Scott asked. “It’s obvious that you do all of this because you’re into each other.”

“Shouldn’t you three stop butting into our love lives?” (Y/N) retorted, no longer sad but now angry at the entire situation. “It’s Friday night and you’re sitting on the couch. Go out and have fun!”

“For your information, we are going out.” Scott scoffed and the two other girls nodded.

“Good.” (Y/N) stated as she opened the door and walked out. “Get to it!”

Even though he wasn’t in the best mood, Stiles pushed down all of his feelings for the girl he lived with to focus on the girl he was about to meet. She has helped him get her mind off of (Y/N) on more than one occasion, even though they did have the same name, and he was ready for her to do that again tonight. He thought about all of the incredible times they’ve spent chatting before pulling into the restaurant they picked and parking in the first space he could find. Once he locked the jeep behind him, Stiles headed towards the main entrance and nervously waited for the girl he talks to more than his own family.

With the anger still flooding inside of her, (Y/N) left her car and arrived at the restaurant. She no longer wanted to go on this date because she knew that all she will be able to think about is the spastic boy she lives with and never leaves her brain. It doesn’t matter how distracted she gets, Stiles is always there in the back of her mind.

The second (Y/N) looked up from her heels clicking against the pavement, her heart stopped inside of her chest. With every step she took towards the main entrance, her heartbeat would increase more and more. There, in front of her, was Stiles Stilinski. The exact person she was trying to get away from.

He was so focused on what was going on inside of his mind that Stiles hadn’t noticed her until she was literally right beside him and (Y/N)’s perfume made its way into his nose. Stiles’ head snapped towards the source, his eyes growing wide when he noticed it was (Y/N) herself next to him.

“What are you doing here?” Stiles asked, entirely confused. “Did you follow me?”

“I have better things to do than follow you, Stiles.” (Y/N) scoffed. “I’m meeting my date here. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I also have a date.” Stiles smiled smugly and certainly didn’t fail to notice how it effected her.

“So, we’re both having dates at the same place?” (Y/N) stated, in awe of this awkward situation. “Wonderful.”

“Where’s your date anyway?” Stiles questioned. “Shouldn’t he have picked you up?”

“It’s a blind date.” She explained, folding her arms against her chest which made her cleavage pop out even more and Stiles awkwardly tried to gaze elsewhere. “What about your date? Weren’t you supposed to pick her up.”

“I’m also having a blind date.” Stiles retorted.

Neither one of them put together exactly what was going on between them. Both standing in the tension heavy entrance, desperately looking at whatever person that would arrive and hoping it’d be their online friend. Little did they know, their dates were standing right next to each other this entire time.

They waited for a good thirty minutes before (Y/N)’s feet started to hurt from standing so long in thin heels and she sighed.

“I think we both got stood up.” (Y/N) stated in a hurt voice.

“No, my date wouldn’t do that.” He shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pants. “I’m texting her.”

“Yeah, me too.” (Y/N) agreed, zipping open her clutch to grab her phone.

She couldn’t help but look over to his text from the corner of her eye. He was messaging someone nicknamed “Babygirl” and (Y/N) felt insanely jealous when he watched him type in “Hey, baby. Are you still coming?” She didn’t even know who this babygirl of his was, but she knew she already hated her with everything (Y/N) had inside of her. Of course she was into Mieczyslaw, but she secretly wanted to be on a date with Stiles instead. She just wanted to have one encounter with him that didn’t consist of fighting.

(Y/N)’s thoughts were, suddenly, interrupted when her phone vibrated in her hand. The girl realized she had received a message from her blind date and already scoffed thinking about whatever poor excuse she was going to read explaining why he wasn’t here.


Mischief 💚 [8:32 pm]: Hey, baby. Are you still coming?


(Y/N) didn’t even think before immediately dropping her phone on the floor in complete shock, her heart going down with it. It fell in her stomach in surprise as she finally put all of the scattered pieces together. She quickly turned around to Stiles, who was already looking at her in astonishment from how she just randomly dropped her cellphone with the screen now entirely shattered.

For the longest time she didn’t say a single word, all (Y/N) did was stare at the beautiful boy she lived with that also happened to be the person she’s been secretly texting back and forth. Stiles didn’t know what to say or do either, from how odd she was behaving, but he mentally prepared himself to drop everything and drive her to the hospital in case she needed it.

“Y-You’re real name’s Mieczyslaw?!” (Y/N) exclaimed, shouting the first thing that popped in her mind.

“What?” Stiles furrowed his eyebrows, confused now more than ever.

The young man wearing flannel watched as she bent down to grab her phone again and, without giving him the slightest explanation, stuck her phone screen out for him to read what was written on it. It took a little bit for his brain to process everything, but when it finally did he felt as if it had just exploded.

(Y/N) expected Stiles to say something, but was completely surprised when he stuffed his phone in his back pocket and grabbed her face with his hands. Before she could understand what was going on, Stiles crashed his lips against hers with such passion and fervor, (Y/N) almost fell. But it wouldn’t matter if she did our not because Stiles would’ve caught her anyway with how he wrapped his hands around her waist.

All of the anger, frustration and rage they ever felt towards each other was channeled into the kiss and started to slowly slip away as they began to be replaced with desire, need and, dare I say, love. They always felt attached to each other no matter how upset they were until only now realizing that all of it meant love. Stiles and (Y/N) loved each other so deeply and it wasn’t just sexual tension. They truly got to know each other incredibly well over the time they spent talking online, sharing so much information that they felt closer to each other than to anyone else in their lives.

“I’ve always wanted to do that.” Stiles confessed, panting as he touched his forehead with hers.

“So have I.” (Y/N) blushed and Stiles leaned in again to place another addictive kiss on her lips.

As they kissed, Stiles slid his tongue across her bottom lip and asked for an entrance to which (Y/N) happily granted. The two didn’t even fight for dominance, they just explored each other’s mouths and enjoyed every discovery. Their tongues would brush together and neither one of them had enough self control to hold back their satisfied moans.

(Y/N) broke the kiss and Stiles’ lips moved to her jaw. He created a trail of wet and hot kisses that drove the girl crazy. It didn’t matter they were in public. (Y/N) could already feel herself getting wetter and wetter by the passing second. It was when Stiles’ mouth attached to her earlobe, his teeth grazing the skin as his tongue caressed it, that she knew she desperately needed more of him.

“Stiles,” She whimpered, his tongue sliding through the shell of her ear. “Do you really want to go on this date or do you just want to get out of here?”

“We can go back to my place?” Stiles smirked.

“I’d love that.” She laughed breathlessly.

“But, I do have to warn you.” He smiled against her heated skin, now sucking a bruise into her neck. “I have the world’s most annoying roommate. She really knows how to get on your nerves.”

“Hmm,” (Y/N) grinned playfully. “Sounds like she really gets to you. Should I be jealous?”

“Absolutely, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, then, damn.” (Y/N) smirked, a light blush painting her cheeks. “I hope she doesn’t mind us crashing her apartment. I tend to be loud.”

“Fuck.” Stiles groaned, pulling his mouth away from the several different bruises he created to stare at her. “I’ll meet you there.”

The next thing she knows, Stiles is placing one last kiss on her lips and eagerly rushing away towards his blue jeep. A smile etched across (Y/N)’s face at how adorable he looked, happily climbing into his car and immediately turning it on.

The ride over to their house was full of adrenaline and excitement. Everytime they would have to stop at a red light, Stiles would look over to (Y/N) in her car and smugly lick his lips. Which would flush her entire body with more lust than it already was sporting, her core aching in need. Once they arrived and were both finally out of their vehicles, Stiles pinned (Y/N) against the front door and reattached his tempting mouth on hers. She gasped at the sudden act, but Stiles just swallowed it into their kiss. Their lips molded together as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling (Y/N) in even closer.

“What was that for?” (Y/N) asked, her lungs fighting for air after breaking the kiss.

“Because I needed to feel your kiss again.” He confessed.

A blush crept up on her cheeks and a grin made its way onto his lips. (Y/N) reached up to reconnect their mouths, tongues finding each other as she tried to zip open her clutch and grab the house keys. Stiles gently bit down on her lip and she fumbled with the zipper, his touch too intoxicating to have her focus on anything else. That’s when Stiles grabbed her hand and settled it on his lower back, a shameless moan falling from (Y/N)’s mouth when he lowered it even more. Both smiled into the kiss the second he guided her hand over his ass and squeezed, (Y/N) giggling when she realized his copy of the house keys were in his pocket this whole time.

Stiles took his hand off of hers and put it back on her waist as she slipped hers into his jeans’ pocket and pulled out the keys. The moment they were in her hand, the freckled boy broke their kiss and swiftly turned her around so she could open the door. Stiles’ mouth and teeth were sucking another hickey on her shoulder blade and (Y/N) felt weak in her knees. She didn’t know how, but she managed to unlock the door and turn the knob.

An animalistic instinct washed over Stiles and he immediately pushed the front door open, rushing the two inside. Before (Y/N) could even say anything, the young man hitched one of her legs around his waist and shoved her against the now closed door once again. She squealed when he did and Stiles chuckled against her lips. Both of their bodies dripping with lust as he rubbed his clothed bulge against the inside of her thigh, (Y/N) moaning in the process. Her hands were now wrapped around his neck, her fingers caressing his heated skin, and Stiles kept one hand on her waist as the other slowly slipped under the skirt of her dress to grab her practically bare ass. (Y/N) was wearing the smallest thong she owned and it definitely made Stiles’ cock twitch in his boxers.

“Shit, I’m seriously considering just fucking you right here.” Stiles moaned, his lips brushing against hers.

“Please do.” (Y/N) whimpered, Stiles feeling her heartbeat against his own chest.

“Please don’t.” A familiar male voice suddenly spoke up and the two lovers immediately snapped their heads towards the source.

Scott, Camile and Madi hadn’t left their​ positions on the couch since the two went out. The scene was absolutely comical from how shocked and frozen the three were. Scott had the tv remote in his hand as it pointed to the screen, his eyes wide. Camile kept a bowl of popcorn on her lap and held a single one up to her mouth, but it paused just outside of it as she stared in shock. Madi, however, wasn’t as astonished as the rest due to the mischievous grin she was wearing.

(Y/N) immediately tried to push Stiles off of her in embarrassment, but he held his ground and stayed right where he was. She couldn’t believe that they hadn’t even noticed they weren’t alone when they arrived.

“I have no problem still fucking you here.” Stiles grinned and, as turned on as she was, (Y/N) covered her face with her hands in humiliation. The girl let out a squeal when Stiles placed his mouth on her collarbone and began assaulting it with his tongue.

“Stiles!” She whined.

Out of pure respect for the girl he was holding and not because he cared that there were other people in the same room, Stiles placed (Y/N)’s leg down on the floor and took a step back from her. His hands were raised in surrender, but his eyes were still gazing at her in a cocky fashion. (Y/N) cleared her throat to rid herself of the embarrassment and slowly walked towards the staircase, Stiles watching her intently.

“Excuse me.” She stated to the three on the couch before looking over at Stiles with the lust still pooling in her pupils.

He certainly picked up what she was putting down as she began walking up the steps, Stiles hot on her trail. (Y/N) yelped in excitement when Stiles unexpectedly smacked her ass with his hand and they rushed even faster towards her bedroom.

“Go get that ass, Stiles!” Madi exclaimed.

“Use a condom!” Camile shouted after her.

Right as Stiles shut the bedroom door behind him, Madi turned around to grin at her two friends on the couch and both of them groaned. Searching in their pockets, Camile and Scott handed their fellow roommate twenty bucks each. Immediately regretting their bet on the two lovers upstairs that just yesterday were fighting. The bet consisted of when they would eventually hook up, Madi declared it would happen this month as Scott and Camile bet at the end of the year. Needless to say, the two lost.

(Y/N), yet again, was pushed up against a door and she quickly figured out that Stiles definitely has a door fetish. Not that she was complaining or found it weird in any way, it was actually one hell of a turn on. Their lips were back in sync together as Stiles reached behind her back and slowly unzipped the gorgeous dress (Y/N) was wearing, her breathing increasing at the contact. Once there was nothing left to unzip, Stiles let go of the zipper and proceeded to take off the straps of her dress. As soon as they were down her arms, he completely let go of the fabric and the dress instantly fell to the floor. Unfortunately breaking their kiss, (Y/N) stepped out of it pooling at her feet and Stiles’ jaw dropped when he took in her body.

The young man was already familiar with how she looked thanks to the countless times​ they’ve shared photos of their bodies through text, but he had never seen her in the flesh before and it was amazing to him. (Y/N) was wearing the most sexy set of matching purple underwear, his favorite color that he once told her. (Y/N) watched with hooded eyes as his own drowned in more lust than his pupils were already swimming in. Stiles licked his lips and the small action sent waves of desire straight to her pooling core.

(Y/N) was the first to break their trance as she brought her hand to the fancy flannel he was wearing for the date and began to unbutton it, she didn’t go as slow as Stiles did because she desperately wanted it off. The next thing she removed were his pants and they were finally in just their underwear together.

Stiles suddenly kneeled in front of her, surprising (Y/N) in the process, and pulled down her panties without saying anything. The second they were gone, the young man lifted one of her legs and hitched it over his shoulder. He looked up at her and placed tempting kisses on her stomach before licking her skin with his warm tongue, just like he’d promised earlier. Her body shuddered and she waited patiently as he trailed his tongue until it reached her core, already swiping up the slick folds. The small action alone made her hips twitch and she couldn’t control her moans when Stiles circled her swollen clit. He kept the motion going as he brought a finger up to tease her entrance. She whimpered of course and, the sound was so beautiful to him, he decided to give in. Stiles pushed two fingers inside of her, groaning at how tight she was, and gently pumped. It started out slow at first, but because of how responsive she was being as she moaned uncontrollably and her hips bucked continuously, Stiles decided to pick up his pace. (Y/N)’s eyes were shut as she concentrated on the pleasure and her core clenched around his fingers the second Stiles’ wrapped his lips around her nub and sucked furiously.

“F-Fuck, Stiles.” She moaned, knowing that her release was near. But, unfortunately for her, so did Stiles and he immediately pulled away.

Smirking up at the shocked glare he was receiving from her, Stiles licked her juices off of his lips and wiped his chin with the back of his hand. Normally, she would’ve been outraged to be denied of her orgasm but the way he looked right now took over her thoughts.

“I only want you cumming around my cock, tonight.” Stiles grinned, standing in front of her again and, before she could come up with a witty response, he yanked off his boxers. She was at a complete loss of words as she gawked at his delicious erection. The pulsing in her core increasing with unbelievable desire.

Stiles hitched her leg around his waist and positioned himself in front of her entrance, gazing into her eyes. Without breaking the contact, Stiles gently pushed his dick​ inside of her core and they both moaned at the new feeling. He desperately wanted to close his eyes, but wasn’t willing to take them off of hers as he thrusted. (Y/N)’s hands were settled on his back, the heel of her hitched leg digging into his ass to keep herself in place as one of his palms were flat out on the door and the other held her waist. The pleasure inside of her that was still around because Stiles was just eating her out tingled in (Y/N)’s body and, by the way she buzzed, she knew she’d be cumming soon.

Stiles increased his pace and the spring in her stomach coiled, indicating she was near. Her nails were digging into the skin of his back and Stiles would’ve winced if he wasn’t so turned on by how sexy she looked. Her eyes shut were and her head rested on the door as her unsteady breath let loud moans slip through. Stiles spread her legs more and began hitting her in a deeper and new angle, (Y/N)’s spring breaking as a result. Stiles immediately bit down on her shoulder, the feeling of her core clenching around him and her juices squirting on his cock too overwhelming.

But, he held onto his orgasm even though it was already knocking on the door. Stiles wanted this to last as long as possible and he actually managed to hold it. At this point, he was now pounding into her and (Y/N) whimpered at the extreme contact. Her body was still sensitive from releasing, but even though it was too much, she loved it.

Unclasping her bra, Stiles took it off and latched his lips onto her breast. His tongue flicking her nipple and caressing it. The second Stiles bit down on her perky bud and pulled, (Y/N) came for a second time tonight. And this time, Stiles allowed himself to as well. Her warmth clenched around him once again before his hips stuttered and he released hot cum inside of her, both moaning crazily. Their highs lasted longer than they’ve ever had and when the two were finally back in reality, Stiles stopped thrusting and placed a kiss on her lips.

“The way you annoy me every day drives me so fucking crazy, but you know what effects me more?” Stiles suddenly spoke up. “The way I smile at how you always put your milk in the bowl before your cereal or the way my heart beats faster whenever you laugh at something on your phone and time stops. But, most importantly, the way I feel like I’m flying everytime I’m around you.”

The words coming out of his mouth were making (Y/N)’s heart flutter so hard, she was sure it would eventually break her ribcage.

“Even though we bicker, I adore it because it reminds me of old married couples. And that’s exactly what I want us to be, a couple.” Stiles continued. “Because no matter how mad I get, I know that I’m deeply and irretrievably in love with you.”

“Stiles,” She smiled, looking at him with heart-eyes. “I love you, too.”

Stiles and (Y/N) have had countless fights in the time they’ve known each other. The two have shared millions of glares, angry shouts, eye-rolls, and fits of rage. But the thing was, they both loved each other in each and every one.

sense8 alignment chart

imo! let me know if you have a different opinion

Lawful Good
Kala “the best way to do what’s right is to play by the rules” Dandekar (although she’s shifting closer to Neutral Good)

Neutral Good
Will “i don’t mind bending the rules and exploiting my position as a police officer to do the right thing” Gorski
Capheus “sometimes you have to take things into your own hands to do the right thing” Onyango

Chaotic Good
Nomi “the legal system is garbage and i’m willing to make myself a fugitive to do what’s right” Marks

Lawful Neutral
none of them give that much of a shit about the law. if the law doesnt align with what’s right? fuck it.

True Neutral
Lito “my own life and my friends are more important than anything else” Rodriguez
Riley “i’m just trying to protect the people i love and make some music please leave me alone” Blue

Chaotic Neutral
Wolfgang “if you threaten me or my friends i’ll blow you up with a bazooka” Bogdanow
Sun “if you wrong me i will destroy you but not at the expense of myself” Bak

“how did you know that it was over? that you should leave him?”, she asks her best friend.

“simple. i asked myself two questions: do i love him? and, does he make me happy?”

“and?”

“yes, yes i love him. but no, he doesn’t make me happy. and just being in love with someone isn’t enough. if that someone can’t make you happy, all the love in the world can’t help you. you will just end up destroying yourself for someone who isn’t even worth it.”

—  e.s. // all the love in the world can’t help you.
re: artists working themselves to death and why the HECK is this the standard

the entire thing about the death of an animator in japan due to overwork is exactly why i am completing chapter 1 of 1989nk in months, not weeks.

this has been one of my biggest fears getting this project off the ground. the standard for work output by artists is set so fucking high nowadays. we’re ALL expected to perform at the level of the outlier. (This was apparent to me as early as in Art School, when we were all treated like we were absolutely fucking useless for not being able to do an entire 5 minute 3D animated film all by ourselves like that one guy in our program.) Artists who overwork themselves and overachieve (whether by perceived necessity or choice) unfortunately create an illusion to consumers and employers that their level of performance should be the standard. It creates a nasty cycle, because more artists start trying to adhere to that standard and it gets passed on and on and on.

i’m honestly fully expecting my deadline for chapter one to be too long of a wait for some people. “This other artist got their 30-40 page comic done in 6-8 weeks, why is yours going to take 6-8 months?”

listen, its because i don’t want to not be able to draw for the rest of my life at 30. I dont want to destroy my wrist and make myself ill and make the quality of the comic suffer because i have to live up to the vicious overwork cycle that’s completely blanketed the digital art/media/comics scene. If another artist takes only a few weeks to do their comic? Fine, but you know, theyre most likely suffering BADLY for it, and even THEY shouldn’t have to do that. They really, really shouldn’t. Overwork and over achievement frankly needs to stop being praised and heralded, because its not only extremely damaging to the artist themselves, but it also creates that cycle i mentioned.

Trying to keep up with the immense production quantity and speed that other artists seem to be doing has never, ever been possible for me and I’ve occasionally tried, only to seriously break myself. Even the amount of work I do is considered a lot by some, so then how is it that to me, it always feels like chicken scratch? It feels like i’m STILL not doing enough, ever. Even with the amount of work I do, I still feel like a lazy sack of shit and feel crippling guilt when I’m taking a break to do anything else but draw. I constantly feel like I’m losing the race. That isn’t right. That isn’t fair.

i just really, really hope that people don’t see my production time for 1989nk and go “that’s too long, artists don’t take THAT long to do work” because. well. honestly, they should.

4

I moved here from Bergen in the 7th grade. No one wanted to hang out with me because I talk so weird. You were the only one who took care of me. I couldn’t believe the most popular girls in our class wanted to be friends with me. I always really looked up to you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Just the thought of me destroying that makes me feel sick. More than sick. It made me stop liking myself as a person. But I can’t continue having regrets for the rest of my life. It wasn’t going well between you and Jonas. You talked about breaking up with him every day. I know that’s not an excuse, but… I loved him. I wish I could do it all over again, completely different. But I can’t. I’m just going to have to accept it and move on. I’m saying this for the last time. Okay?

An overdue list of my favourite pieces and fic writers! The following is a collection of Jungkook x reader fics. A big thank you to all the fic writers included for inspiring me and above all sharing such amazing stories!

Keep reading

You’re the story I tell when the wind asks about my love for sunsets, the punctuation I erase when our reflections sink into the shore. How does every sign we construct explain how some people are meant to fall in love, but aren’t meant to be together? how new constellations form every time I whisper your name, but the night still drinks the caffeine we left at our feet? I just wanted to be the owner of the galaxies dripping from your eyes, the piece you could live without when our hands are grasping for the leaves falling short of a title we’re still rearranging. The less we talk, the more words mean. The less we smile, the more I find your laughter in every six string song. On my best days, I’m just a breath away from you, but sometimes, I just need a little help getting out of my head. Or when I need to get off the bed, some words push us towards insanity– if you were ever mad at me, would you speak your thoughts? If you ever fell in love with me? Would you tell me? If you wanted to know something unusual– I’ve got you. I enjoy the oddness of questions. Like how it sends us on a quest for the truthful answers midway. I don’t like acronyms because the shortness of letters can never compare to the shortness in my breathing when it comes to the lines of oh my god, you’re beautiful tonight. The less we smile, the more I find your atmosphere most needed– some laughter controls the bleeding, some lovers control the weather, and some nights I need both. Some nights I seem to choke on my regrets, it’s never dinnertime when you’ve got so much on your mind. It’s never writing if you’ve done nothing right. You’re always wrong if you start crying in the middle of a song that triggered certain feelings that you shouldn’t be having. you’re always spacing out whenever the commas start to show how many mistakes you’ve made, how many mistakes it took for you to finally get it, how many apologies it took for you to be forgiven, how many I love you’s were needed for someone to feel like you loved them and not just for the sake of not being alone, how many nights you had to spend living in a dead memory of won’t you stay with me for another hour, how many oceans you had to cry before you realized people sink with you every time you damage them, how many volcanoes you became because stress makes smoking this much easier, how many pills you had to take to forget a name, how many nights you stayed high because shower thoughts brought you back to the razors, how many mornings you spent fucked up because of one fuck up, how many years you’ll toss away to find yourself, how many weeks it’ll take to rewire your brain after a breakup, how many days it’ll take to unfeel everything, how many hours it’ll take to unlove a feeling, how many seconds it’ll take to get it right, how many commas you’ll keep count of to not lose yourself tonight, and how many times you’ll leave yourself in the palms of others instead of your own. if I’m ever on my last dollar, if I’m ever on my last heartbeat, if I’m ever at the end of the line, if I ever forget about you, if I never loved you, if I ever destroyed myself to recreate myself, if I ever feel good enough to get over this depression, if I ever stop and stare into the middle of nowhere and if I never return to who I used to be– remember that this life will cut like a very thin knife into your ribs in search for another comma for another run-on sentence that should not have happened because you always loved to make mistakes without a proper ending or a period to your era of impressional impressions to impress no one in particular you can have all of my mistakes you can have all of my errors you can have all of this red ink to scribble all over this poem you can have my life and call it death to the last day when we’ll never meet again.
—  The Ate & The Bunso

This is what I am: watching the spider
rebuild–“patiently,” they say,

but I recognize in her
impatience–my own–

the passion to make and make again
where such unmaking reigns

the refusal to be a victim
we have lived with violence so long

Am I to go on saying
for myself, for her

This is my body,
take and destroy it
?

—  Adrienne Rich, from Natural Resources featured in The Dream of a Common Language: Poems 1974-1977
2

Dragon Maid & Dragon Butler 

anonymous asked:

Do you think some people are not meant to have friends? I was always pretty much alone. I never had any close friends but I try really hard to be nice to people and I am in different groups of people hoping that someday it would click with someone but maybe I am the problem. Maybe I am not meant to have any friends. Did you ever felt this way or had you always been loved by many? How do you make so many good friends (on here)? Can you please let me in on your secret? I wish you a happy day

(( OOC: Alright, I’m going to share my opinion on this. Keep in mind that this is based off of my personal experiences, and is strictly an opinion.  

I receive a lot of messages from people saying things like “I really want to be friends with you, but I don’t think you’ll like me” or “I want to make friends but I’m too annoying” or some other variation of the same sentiment. 

No one is going to like me because I’m not good enough. 

You’re right.

The people you approach with that mentality are not going to like you… and do you know why? 

Because you’ve already made it clear, within yourself, that they aren’t going to like you. If you approach a friendship with the idea that you’re not good enough, that you’re not worth someone’s time and love and energy, then you have already written the outcome of your story. 

This is called self sabotage. 

I’ll give you a personal example. My best friend of two years, someone that I lived with and spent most of my time with, also happened to be the most self-destructive person I’d ever met.

She put up a good front for most people. She was happy and bubbly and fun, but in private she would constantly say things like “No one loves me” “I’m a good person… why do I always end up with people that treat me like dirt?” etc.

It was painful to listen to her. I was right there… and I like to think that I was a good friend. 

I had to sit there and watch her carry out self-destructive actions, knowing full well that she was acting based on her underlying insecurities and lack of self love.

She would end up investing her time into people that would take without giving back, because she wanted to “fix” them, but this was just a way to distract her from having to heal herself. 

She didn’t trust good relationships to last. She didn’t have faith in herself or other people.

Unfortunately, after dealing with this for two years I realized the relationship was one-sided. It was too toxic for me to remain apart of. I started having anxiety attacks when I thought of her (I’m not an anxiety prone person), and I began to lose confidence in myself… because I was trying to help someone that didn’t want to help herself. I ended the relationship. 

If someone is putting their time and energy out and not receiving that affection in return… if the other person takes and takes because they don’t know how to love themselves and satisfy those needs on their own… then the relationship will either destroy both of them, or it will end. 

Friends are not going to fix you or make you feel whole. Friendship is not one-sided. 

The only person who can love you the way you want and need to be loved is yourself

You are the only one in your head, you are the only one who knows exactly how you need to be loved. No one else can do that, because no one else is you. Your friends are coming from different backgrounds, different needs, different love languages. They can compliment you, they can add to your happiness, but they cannot complete you.

It’s easy to love other people, it’s hard to love yourself. But in order to create lasting, healthy relationships, you need to. 

If you believe you aren’t worthy of love… then you’re right… not because anyone else feels that way… but because the only person who can decide if you’re worthy of love is yourself. 

Others can try and show you, others can try and tell you, but the only one who needs to be convinced is you. )) 

i look in the mirror, bags under my eyes, my hair up in a messy bun. heavy sadness in my eyes. baggy clothes. i just don’t care what i look like, i don’t care about anything

“you need to eat, you’re loosing weight like crazy.” yeah except i’m not hungry at all. i feel sick all the time. so i just keep drinking my powerade.

my eyes are bloodshot from crying for hours. my mom lays there with me and let’s me cry and tries to comfort me. the headaches always there.

i try to talk to new guys but nobody makes me feel anything. all i see is him when i close my eyes. i can’t escape him.

i go into my room and open the box with the note he wrote. “i’ll always love you.” i’m filled with anger as i throw things against the wall in a rage. just being in this room feels like the ghost of him is still here. how can someone love you so much, then they just don’t anymore?

i just want to sleep but i can never stay asleep. i wake up at 230 everyday and can never go back to bed. i’m so tired. my mind and body. is this what it feels like to die? because that’s what this feels like. it’s so much effort to make it through the damn day.

tick
tick
tick

waiting for time to go by because that’s what heals you right? so i wait and i wait. then i realize i have been staring at the wall for 20 minutes. how did i not notice?

“come out with us it will be fun!” i don’t want to go, i have to make myself. i don’t even know what fun is anymore. but i try, i plaster on the fake fun. because nobody wants to see the sad girl who can’t get over the guy who left her suddenly. so i pretend. but i feel like i’m suffocating the whole time. it’s exhausting to pretend.

when people talk about love, they never mention this part. it amazes me how one single person can destroy you and strip away everything that you are. i think of the girl i used to be. i want so badly to get back there. i worry that i’ll never be her again. and deep down i know that i won’t be. i know that i’ll survive, i’ve seen it in many others. it just nearly kills you in the process.

—  Chapters from my life