but i am late doing my revision

I am so stressed right now I cannot even think straight. I have my first real exam tomorrow (drama a2) and when I’m stressed my brain can’t even function and do the revision that I need to do for English and maths. My way of coping is to sit around and do nothing which then makes me even more stress, and now I’m going to sleep to escape my problems :) I know this isn’t the right way to go around it but it’s too late right now to fix anything, so tomorrow I need to get a grip and pull my self together, and I hope you all do the same xx

3

13th February 2017.

Messy Desk but revision is going well.

I would also like to share that I have finally been accepted to do my LLM (Masters) in the next academic year. Yay 😊 🎉. I had been waiting to hear from the University of Cambridge for months but I finally got the news today and I am over the moon😊 It has not been easy but it is all worth it. If you are out there and you find yourself struggling with your studies; don’t feel discouraged or disappointed. It is never too late to attain your goals/ dreams.

Failure, as a perfectionist.

It is the day before my last exam, so I should really be carrying on with my last minute revision, but instead I’d like to take this moment to address something: the notion of failing

‘Failure’ can mean a whole number of different things – it depends who is doing the talking. Lately, I have heard ‘I’m going to fail,’ increasingly often, not in the context of ‘I am actually going to fail my exam’, but in the context, ‘I am not going to achieve my own personal target.’ I will address this issue in a minute, but first I’d like to note something else.

As exam term has gone on, I have even found myself saying ‘‘omg’ – I feel like I’m definitely going to fail,’ an awful lot, without even knowing what it is I actually mean by it. I feel like it is something said to humble oneself in the presence of others, to express in signifying words ‘my work has been really difficult, and I’m not sure how good at this I actually am’. It has been said by me perhaps to reduce other people’s expectations of my intelligence, so that when I come out with a decidedly average mark others won’t frown upon me, instead saying ‘well, at least you didn’t fail!’ And the notion of ‘failure’ seems to express the real intensity of my university course somewhat melodramatically: I know that it’s pretty impossible to fail my exams this year, especially after all the effort I have put into revision, but the idea that something so dramatic could possibly happen has possibly been said by me as an exaggeration of the fear I am feeling. I may be analysing things a little too much, but hey - I’m an English student, it’s what we do.

Back to my initial point. We all have our own targets, some realistic, some unrealistic. For future notice, I will never post my own targets or my own current academic achievements publicly on this blog because that’s not what I’m here for, and I refuse to create a marker (not that it would be much of a marker anyways) against which people can judge themselves on (I was a little uncomfortable about revealing my GCSE/A Level grades but figured that as they are in the past my emotions connected to them have been & gone). But my point is that when the idea of failing to achieve your own personal targets is raised, the problem of failure becomes a whole lot more personal, a whole lot more psychological, than a letter such as ‘A’ or ‘F’ can represent. The one main concern that I feel with regards to the institutional pressures put on people to succeed according to a certain guideline or socially acceptable ‘grade’ is the effect the failure to achieve this grade can have mentally on a human being. For example, take my own two years of studying A Levels, in constant fear of failing to achieve my own ‘target’ of getting into Cambridge. At the time, I thought my life would have been “over” (quote Sarah, melodramatic since the age of 18) if I hadn’t got in. Now that I am here, yes I am happy, but I am also now aware of many other, equally fulfilling, paths my life could have taken. All that has really come from my A Level fear of failure is a kind of ‘perfectionism,’ that, now I am at Cambridge, I have realised is a really shit trait to have. I have learnt, getting to my dream university and realising I was studying the wrong subject, that sometimes, life just doesn’t work out the way you expected it to. Sometimes our targets don’t even feel that great once we have achieved them. They are essentially imaginary stations that you form in your own mind, and it doesn’t register to us that they are moveable, adaptable. You don’t have to reach it first try, hell, you don’t have to reach it at all.  

I guess what I’m trying to say is that failure to achieve your own personal target isn’t the end of the world. Of course, it can be devastating, but the best thing we can try to do is heal ourselves, and attempt to move on. There is always another option, life is not over just because we didn’t get the grade, or didn’t manage to achieve something. But after ‘failure,’ perhaps a time out is needed. Give yourself time to think, ponder (maybe, like I do, wallow in self-pity for a while with chocolate and films), then dust yourself off and get back to trying hard to be a successful person, perhaps with a shaped or new perspective on where you want to go and how you can do your best to achieve it.

As a little example I am going to use my experience of our Shakespeare exam last week. I had worked ridiculously hard on this exam paper, as I happen to love Shakespeare, and I really wanted my hard work and my passion to show through on the exam. I opened the paper, and it was brutal. It was possibly the worst exam I have ever sat in my life, and after the exam I rushed to the bathroom to just sit and cry. I literally broke down. The one exam that I thought would really contribute to my overall grade and show what I can do was a disaster. To put it short – I think I have definitely failed to achieve my own target in that paper, which makes me feel like the grade I am going to receive at the end of this year won’t be representative of the kind of work I can do, the kind of things I can achieve. It is easy to allow this failure to seep into my expectations of my next exam, to think that I am going to ‘fail’ in my final exam tomorrow - and believe me I have had these thoughts – but quite honestly I am not going to give the pessimistic side of my being the satisfaction of knowing it has won. Yes, I wallowed in self-pity with chocolate and films after the Shakespeare exam. Yes, I rang my mother and cried for way too long. But I have re-focused, worked for my final exam, and I am telling myself to see tomorrow as a positive contribution to my final mark, instead as a negative contribution to my ‘failure.’ It is, admittedly, a consistent, conscious effort to tell myself so, but I feel it helps. And I know that even if I don’t get the total grade I have been aiming for mentally, I will know that I have worked my hardest to attempt to achieve this, and that will hopefully console me (along with cocktails).

Just a few thoughts.

-Sarah

Hello from a New Studyblr!

This is probs a little late but I’m new to the Studyblr community (2 weeks)! So far I’m loving it but want to get to know more of the community!

••• I would really love it if you messaged and followed me so I can get to know some more people! :) •••

Here are a few things about me to start with:
• I’m in my final year of high school/a levels
• I take art, history and psychology
• I am going to do a Foundation Diploma in Art & Design next year in the UK
• I plan on doing graphic design afterwards

Please reblog this so I can discover other wonderful studyblrs!
- Izzi :)

Hello guys! I am so sorry I have not been active lately. I just sat for my General Paper Exam (basically an English paper) last Wednesday and the papers were pretty tough I would say. So I’m back cause after this June Hols, I am sitting for the rest of my papers. Currently I am doing a weekly planner and I made my own Maths Revision Plan so I would stay on track. Thank you so much theorganisedstudent for the template! Loving it so much! Have a good and productive weekend!