but i am giving up something

god i know i talk about how i’d die for the happiness of will byers and all but in reality? i breathe in unrequited byeler content like oxygen. that boy is setting himself up for heartbreak especially now that eleven’s back and i am 500% here to see him work through it

I give up on Tumblr being nice.

If u need to talk to me/tag me/ask me something… Send an ask. That way you at least have a 50% chance of me seeing it. Now my posts have 0 notes but if u click on them there are notes…just ‘0 notes’

Please message/send me the links to your challenge fics. I am literally getting no tags. I’m sorry.

lance is a sad boy part 3

time for part 3 (the final part) and yes i am high again.

word count: 516

warnings: same as ch 1

ch 1 ch 2

Keith left it until the next morning. He figured he needed to give Lance some space but he hadn’t slept and he was incredibly worried. He finally gave up on sleep sometime in the morning and started to head in the direction of Lance’s door. As he turned a corner, he suddenly ran into something.

“Ah shit,” said Keith. He looked up and saw Lance. “Lance! I was just coming to look for you.”

“Uh… Yeah, I was actually coming to look for you, too. I was worried I freaked you out,” said Lance, chewing on his lip.

“You didn’t freak me out, Lance! I’m just worried. As I rightfully should be,” Keith said, crossing his arms. “Can we talk?” he asked.

Lance slowly nodded.

“Great, we can talk in my room. Follow me,” said Keith, turning around and walking back in the direction he’d just come from.

Keith glanced at Lance, walking beside him. Lance looked sort of… worried. Keith could understand why. But he had to talk to him. He had to help him.

They stepped inside Keith’s room after he opened the door. Keith went and took a seat on his bed, motioning for Lance to come sit beside him.

“Lance, I just want to help, okay? So please, show me your arms,” Keith said, urgently in need of the truth from the other boy.

Lance, wincing, slowly lifted up the sleeves covering one of his arms. Keith looked away, tears forming in his eyes. They were obviously and unmistakably self-harm. Old scars and new cuts littered his arms.

“Lance. Why do you do this? What can I do?” Keith questioned.

“I’m just kind of fucked up, I think. Maybe there’s something wrong with brain but I’m so sad all the time. There’s just a constant pit in my stomach and I want to die pretty much. I miss my family. So much. So desperately. But I’m sure they hardly miss me,” Lance looked down, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to form. “I’m hardly important on Voltron. I’m don’t have a ‘thing’ like the rest of you guys do. I’m just the idiot who messes up everything.”

Keith was shocked. Lance was so convincing with his big smiles and over-the-top flirting. But Keith still should have noticed, right? He felt sick to his stomach.

“Lance, I want you to listen to me. I’m so sorry you’re in pain. I’m sure we can do something, but we need to talk to the rest of the team.”

At seeing Lance’s panicked expression, Keith added, “okay, okay. We’ll talk about it.”

“But Lance. You are so incredibly important. You complete our team. You care so much about us, even if you act like you don’t sometimes. You look after us. And you are an incredible shot. Hell, I’ve never shot anywhere close to that accurate. I just… can’t believe that you feel like this,” Keith said, frowning.

“Keith I- I’m sorry. I just want this feeling to go away. So desperately,” Lance said.

“We’ll figure this out, Lance. We’ll figure this out together.”

anonymous asked:

You know ever since seeing all of Cap's PSAs and going back over Thor's Mockumentary, I've had the idea that if Thor ever ends up back on Earth he'll see these PSAs and actually be impressed by them--impressed enough to make his OWN PSAs, either for fun, to appeal to his adoring public, or to compete with Cap's. The only way to make it better would be if he tried to get Loki to either play cameraman or assist him in his PSAs! "Get Help," anyone? ;) Loki would NEVER live it down.

“Hello, my young human friends, I am Thor- Son of Odin,” Thor introduces himself. “And I am here today…to talk about safety,” he says as he gives a wink to the camera. 

“You see, Midgardians have quite soft skulls, they are strangely- squishy…” Thor states as he makes grabby hands in the air. “And so, you must take precautions!” the man says a bit too loudly. 

“Thus, you are required to wear headgear if you are to perform any sort of sporting activity. I have been informed that a hit to the head could cause you great harm.” 

The god of thunder raises one leg up, placing his foot on a low table and slinging an arm over his knee casually. “Now, I have taken many hits to the head, hundreds! If not thousands!” He smiles proudly, his eyes glimmering.

“AH! A demonstration if I will!” he excitedly proclaims as he steps back from the table, lifting it up as someone shouts from off-screen, before slamming the wooden slab against his skull and splintering it apart. 

Chunks of wood sticking in Thor’s beard the man smiles and says, “but my skull is not soft like that of a human’s, so do not follow my lead in this, for you will die.” He finishes with a smile. 

The scene cuts off abruptly. 


“Hello again,” Thor waves a bit awkwardly to the camera. “I Thor have come here today, to talk about Stranger Danger,” his eyes dart off-screen, perhaps asking if he got the term right.  

“This rhyme, though simple, means a great deal.” Walking back a few paces Thor comes to stand next to a man in a thickly padded suit. “I will demonstrate what you should do if a stranger approaches you.” 

“Aye- proceed in the art of acting, Sir Jeff,” Thor whispers loudly to the man opposite him. “It is best to be dramatic.” 

Jeff sounds slightly choked as he begins, “hey you,” he croaks, raspy, “give me your money,” he says to Thor. 

“HA!” Thor scoffs loudly, “you fool Jeff, I have not what you are looking for! That is Stark!” And with that Thor sweeps the man off his feet and lifts him over his head, “I AM THOR ODINSON! AND I SHALL NOT TAKE THIS DANGER FROM A STANGER!” 

Jeff screams as Thor throws him across the room, there are the sounds of yells as the camera is tipped over, feet can be seen running past the screen as s few pop cans and shards of glass skitter by.

The screen goes black. 


“Greetings my young friends, it is not just I today,” Thor says, the camera far too close to his face. “I have brought with me, my brother, Loki!” 

The camera pans out so we can now see the two brothers, Loki glaring tiredly at the screen and Thor beaming brightly, smile all white teeth. 

“Today, I will be discussing forgiveness,” Thor slings a beefy arm over Loki’s shoulder, causing the other man to slouch slightly. “You see Loki has caused many a deal of pain, but he is my brother, and that bond cannot be broken. No matter the trails.”

Loki sighs deeply, his eyes looking to the ceiling in a silent plea. 

“Loki is the god of mischief, and he has lived up to the name,” Thor laughs bodily, “oh the tales we have gathered on our many adventures-” the man begins, delving into a story before Loki inevitably elbows the blond in the side, drawing his attention. 

“Ah yes,” Thor reels himself back in, “forgiveness is a tricky thing, especially when you are dealing with the greatest trickster himself.” The taller squeezes Loki in a bone-crushing side hug before shoving him off camera. “Which is why I have forgiven, but not forgotten.”

Loki storms back on screen, his staff in hand and his hair sticking up on one side, disheveled, he seethes as he approaches Thor. 

The god of thunder laughs heartily as he dodges the swing of the staff, “ah! next, I will bestow my vast knowledge on avoiding and deflecting oncoming attacks- this will be very helpful to you who have siblings.”

Jealousy

Isn’t cute… on anyone. We all get jealous but its how you handle it that makes a difference. I am a busy person… I don’t have time to take pictures of all of my ships all of the time so I alternate them to give them all as much attention as I possibly can in an equal amount, which is something all of you were told when I entered into them. So this is a message to ALL of the people I have ships with…. I feel like I’m an easy person to talk to and you can talk to me about feeling like I’m neglecting something but DON’T come at me saying I’m giving someone else more attention than the others because I make sure I don’t. I don’t have time for this stuff and all its going to do is make me want to be here even less than I already am. I’m sure that goes for anyone who plays this GAME and ends up having to deal with that kind of stuff. It’s a game that we make time for because we enjoy it… don’t make it a job with a requirement of shit.

Thanks,

Jake

I’m rewatching the first episode of Stranger Things and I’m like damn, the Byerses used to have a dog!  I can’t remember seeing the dog in Stranger Things 2, did something happen to it in season one and I’ve forgotten?  Or did it just disappear between seasons?

and then I was like “They got Bob”

and I was like “Oh yeah.”

takaraphoenix  asked:

*grins* Enjoy your first tumblr game! xD I looove them. Okay, so, be a dear and give me numbers 1,2 and 50. ;3

Why thank you <3 I hope it’s gonna be fun, at least you sent something if no one else will xD Soooo let’s get to it.

1.  Favorite place to write.

Right where I am right now… In my bed, with a cup (or 5) of tea at hand and a scented candle lit up next to me. And always, ALWAYS on laptop. I actually know people who write fics on phone. And it confuses me.

2. Favorite part of writing.

That’s a fun question. I enjoy reading my works after, because I do ultimately write for myself, and write the kind of fics I want to read. And I enjoy reading my works after to see how my writing improved with time… But maybe this wouldn’t be my favourite… 

No, I guess favourite would be outlining. I’m an outline freak. I make detailed outlines, and then outlines of outlines and I spend first few weeks freaking out over the consistency of the outline before I even get to the fic. Which is actually new to me. I was a go with the flow kind of writer for a loooong time, but it just didn’t work out. Flow never lasts. Flow always runs out. And ultimately for years I always ended up with stories abandoned halfway through. I’m not even sure when I decided to change that by trying to outline… it was definitely during my Shadowhunters fandom adventure, so VERY new (as I’m only here since September 2016, and I’m writing since I was 8 years old - I’m 20), but no idea when exactly, but it stuck with me.

It more than stuck with me. I enjoy outlining so much at this point I have outlines of fics I will never write. I no longer so prompts. I do prompt-outlines. I am also so obsessed with outlining I end up having trouble doing one-shots…. Because I outline them, and add more stuff AND MORE STUFF AND EVEN MORE STUFF.

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

That’s… okay, I actually had to think on this one for a while… Like, I had some rather unusual ideas, like writing a story from teh POV of a guy who is blindfolded for 95% of the story, or a crossover between RPF and fiction… But none of those are too weird, I guess.

One of maybe, more interesting ones (?) would be a story that interacts with the reader. You choose what happens next at each decisive point in the story. But I don’t know if that counts as weird either.

But now this one story… Okay, this totally counts as weird. It’s a Shadowhunters Malec fanfiction idea for a thriller/horror Christmas story (already sounds cozy, huh?) where a demon kidnaps, maims and traps warlocks inside Christmas baubles. 

DON’T ASK ME WHERE I GOT THE IDEA. I WISH I KNEW.

So let’s end on this joyful note.

3

This is the order I feel this scene is going to go in.

Magnus is buttoned in the first gif; not sure about the second, and the last we clearly see Alec is making quick work of them in his effort to relieve the man of his clothing.

I don’t want to be spoiled this early, but also I REALLY want to see a longer teaser to this scene. A little lead-up to this moment, perhaps?

Today, i did not wake up with that glow in my eyes. They say i will, once wounds have healed and my hands have picked up all my broken pieces. Well, i guess i am not there just yet. But one thing is for sure: now, i know better.

I made a playlist of the songs that reminds me of what it used to be and by judging the songs it has, i know that for both of us, it was love. Altogether, it was joy, longing, passion and even the feeling that butterflies give.

I loved you more. I loved you more that i loved us. I loved you more than i loved myself. I loved you more than you loved me.

We were something beautiful and something tragic. Maybe i was too poetic about everything that life threw something almost the same as my poems and metaphors. And ironically, even though it burned me to ashes, i am grateful.

It still hurts; knowing how someone else and i overlapped, of how easy it was for you to leave and go on, and how it will never be the same for us again. But i do not wish for moments when you suddenly knock on my door to beg for forgiveness until i take you back, not anymore.

I know better. I just hope that one day, i can get that glow in my eyes as i leave all the pain in my sleep just like how she said.

—  r.m.d

R E A D Y F O R I T: is a more of a warning than a question. a sign of things to come. a simple warning shot before the gunfight. to let you know that something is about to happen. telling you to prepare yourself. it’s just the beginning in the over all story. 

E N D G A M E: is for the lovers who, despite the odds, believe they can make it through this crazy game called life. it’s wanting to break your reputation of bad endings and make this be the one that lasts forever. it’s adrenaline rushes and planning your whole life out with someone. 

I D I D S O M E T H I N G B A D: is for all the witches they were unsuccessful at burning. it’s lit fireworks crackling in your rib-cage and fiddling with the laces of your warn out combat boots and already ripped fishnets and applying perfectly winged eyeliner without trying and bright red lipstick to match the blood of your enemies.

D O N T B L A M E M E: is for the passionate, reckless, fearless lovers. the ones who fall in love without hesitation and without permission. they dive in head first without looking back. they don’t care if it makes them seem crazy because they would rather be crazily, passionately in love than live an indifferent and emotionless life. it’s for when you find that one person you would risk everything for. 

D E L I C A T E: is for the doubt that takes residence in your head and in your heart when you finally get the courage to dust yourself off and fall for someone new after you got your heart broken. it’s terrifying and temporary and fragile and beautiful because it’s fleeting. it can never last forever, or so you have been led to believe. it’s for the cautious dreamers. the damaged lovers who have been left for dead too many times to count. 

L O O K W H A T Y O U M A D E M E D O: is for the defeating moment when you finally take the blame just to ease the heat. it’s for when every one thinks that they finally buried you but like a phoenix, you rise from the ashes reborn. it’s taking a lighter and burning every thing to the ground. it’s finding out just how good revenge can feel. 

S O I T G O E S: is nights at bars and restaurants and films and parties and weekends that you know can’t possibly last forever. it’s silk dresses and high heels and smudged lipstick and scratches on your lovers back. it’s cashmere jumpers and messy hair and dark circles beneath your eyes because lately life has been so freeing, sleeping seems like a waste of time. 

G O R G E O U S: is for the endless summer nights and repeatedly making eye contact with the stranger across the bar. it’s starry eyes, rosy cheeks, and quiet seduction. it’s drinks in blues and pinks and tiny cocktail umbrellas and having so many you quit counting. it’s finding someone so physically flawless you can’t help but hate them, simply because you can’t have them. 

G E T A W A Y C A R: is for all of the lovers on the run from all of their past mistakes and rebounds. it’s for when they find someone with similar baggage and decide to find distraction in each other. it’s for seeking a fresh new start. it’s secretly kissing in diner booths, holding hands under the table, and kissing each other with recklessness on your lips. it’s knowing that this is temporary, but that’s what you love about it.

K I N G O F M Y H E A R T: for the boys and girls who make a key to their heart and give it to each other. it’s the truth and vulnerability one must have to be able to do that. it’s for the five am rooftop conversations. it’s getting dressed up just to dance with each other around the living room. 

D A N C I N G W I T H O U R H A N D S T I E D: it’s nights spent dancing with each other around the house. it’s lips that taste like safety, and that’s something you haven’t had in so long you’ve forgotten what it taste like. It’s the drop of your stomach just before you jump. This is for the desperate but hopeful lovers. 

D R E S S: is his drink in your hair, on your lips, in your hands. it’s crumpled bed sheets. it’s when the sun rises in the morning and your eyes meet the same sleeping lover beside you. it’s lace bra-lets and knee-high boots. 

W H Y W E C A N T H A V E N I C E T H I N G S: is for when the hurt and betrayed turn into the unforgiving and unafraid. it’s when your mouth is filled with unforgiving teeth. it’s reaching a point of anger, you can’t help but burst into laughter. you can’t help but joke about the whole thing. it’s shards of broken glass and anger to the point of apathy. 

C A L L I T W H A T Y O U W A N T: is for the lovers who find comfort and validation in one another. they don’t have anything to prove. it’s hand written lovers and blankets under covers. grinning from ear to ear alone in your room. the promise of something bigger than this. a taste of forever. it’s cups of tea in the morning and wine at night. it’s the kind of love that could inspire classic romance novels. 

N E W Y E A R S D A Y: is for when every one else has gone home and you are the only two remaining. when the party is over, but the best part of the night has yet to come. it’s time standing still when it’s just you two. it’s air kissed curls and deep two in the morning conversations on kitchen counters. it’s wanting to stay forevermore. 

me: *in class*

mind: hey you know what’s better than math??

me: oh please god n-

mind: oooOOOH oN tHE oUTsIdE alwAYs LoOKIng In WiLL I aM an IsLanDEr I’M An isLanDer I am an ISLANDER wATCH Me aS I wALk aWAY I bbbEEEEEENNNNDDDD and snAP EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR AMERICAS FAVORITE FIGHTING fREnChMen welCoMe tO mAh CanDy StoooOOOOORRREEEE and it’s HARD iT’S HARD IT’S rEaLLY ReALly HAAAAARRRRRDDDDDD iF I wIN ThE LoTTErY yOU’Ll NeeeeeEEEEvAA SEE Me Agaaainnnnnn sO IF yOu CaRE TO FIND MEEEEE lOOK tO the WESTERN skKKKYYYYY aINT iT A FIIIINE LIFE cArrYinG tHE BaNNeR I belieeEEEEVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE thaT ThE lORd GOd CrEAtED THEEE bathroom michael in the bathroom at a pararty. 

I have so many Anduin feels

Clearly, if you couldn’t tell, and I wanted to write it down otherwise I feel like I might explode from emotions. This entire cinematic was beyond beautiful. Blizzard really went above and beyond in the artistic department - everything looked so damn -real-, which took my breath away. But the main thing that really struck with me is the fact that you can clearly see Anduin’s personality in this moment. So please excuse me, but there’s a lot of pics and a long opinion below the cut.


When we first see him, he’s got the lion helmet on, looking all badass. Even after he’s knocked off his feet, he gets back up and proceeds to go after the troll who tries to kill him, granting us this amazing image -

Looks like he’s channeling Varian to me. He’s standing all, big and trying to be imposing. And almost immediately after, they focus on his face, going from this -

- to this -

Look at him. Look at that face. This isn’t a life-long trained/skilled warrior. This isn’t a battle-hardened paladin who’s fought for years and years. This is a child, a teenager (WoWpedia says seventeen, and we all know how Blizzard is with lore, but it does sound about right), who has been shielded from the harshness of actual war for most of his life. War is brutal; war is dirty and cruel and this world has seen it constantly. And I don’t know how much time will have passed from Legion to this expansion, but regardless.

He looks so sad, almost out of place and worried, and just…-scared-. Like the sudden realization of what he’s in the middle of, of what he’s leading here - not Genn, not his father, him. He’s the one who’s leading the armies of the Alliance, thousands of soldiers against an army equally as powerful. Stormwind and the Alliance could fall in this moment and it would be his fault. And I think it all comes at him at once. This is what his father was talking about, it’s what he was trying to protect him from.

But this is Anduin we’re talking about. This isn’t a warmongering character, we all know how much he would prefer to solve things peacefully, and (I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Blizzard doesn’t totally and completely butcher his character of course) it must have been something to drive him to this point. Look - His mother died when he was a baby, his father was gone most of his life and was only around for a few precious years before he was killed, his ‘aunt’ Jaina has been MIA until lately and Velen is who knows where. I’m hoping we’ll get an answer to that between then and now, but my point is this - Anduin, High King of the Alliance, leader that everyone looks to for guidance and support, really doesn’t have a support system himself. He doesn’t have anyone he can really depend on. The only one who’s been shown to constantly be around is Genn, and whether for good or ill, I suppose it’s something, but it’s not enough. He’s probably been struggling to keep things together for a while. I doubt he’s been eating or sleeping much.

And what does he do, surrounded by death and destruction of hundreds of lives? We see that looks around the battlefield in a moment of calm and is clearly distressed by it. 


It’s in this moment that I think he really shines, no pun intended. We know what his father would do in this situation, we know what other characters would do. But Anduin is different, it’s what makes him so special in this game. He looks at his father’s sword, a sword of legend no less - 

You can see the confusion, the uncertainty, the self-doubt even now. Shalamayne responded to him yes, but you can absolutely see him still coming to terms with it. He still feels like he isn’t worthy of it.  
“I cannot do this father. I can’t be the hero you were. I can’t be the king you were…”

And no, he isn’t. That’s what I love him. He’s his own man, finally able to step up and make his own imprint on history. Because of that, I think it’s important to note the imagery of him throwing the sword back down - 


Something about this really strikes me not only as beautiful but incredibly moving as well. There is some very deep in this shot. He’s beginning to accept the fact that no, he isn’t his father. No, he isn’t a warrior. That isn’t his path. What does he do instead, then, when surrounded by injured and dying soldiers? Do what he does best, of course - 

Heal. Resurrect. Anduin has had an affinity with the Light that few have had before, especially humans. We know this and it’s really beautiful to finally see it in such a wonderful cinematic. I think it’s really touching that if you look closely you can even see tears in his eyes -

We know from lore that Anduin has resurrected his father before, which is something that happens so rarely in canon. Casting such a spell for one person would be difficult enough, but an entire army? That’s practically impossible. We also know that for a character to channel such a spell for a long period of time takes a lot of stamina and strength. It’s exhausting. But he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t stop to take a breather. He stands tall with the rejuvenated army surrounding him once more.

“Stand as one!”

Which just hearkens back to previous cinematics, I think. 

“What am I supposed to do now?”
“What a king -must- do.”


“For the Alliance!”

What I find most interesting is that he doesn’t say ‘For Azeroth!’ like his father in the previous expansion, he says Alliance. Which makes me wonder just what has happened to cause all of this. 

The point of all this rambling is this - Anduin Llane Wrynn has been underestimated both by other characters as well as players for too long. Many people call him names for wanting to find a peaceful way to solve problems and for some reason that’s a bad thing? I don’t understand it, but I’m so happy and proud to see him standing alongside us on the battlefield. This boy does not get enough credit and I’m glad they finally have let him do something amazing. He is much stronger than I think even he realizes, and I would love it if people would finally give him the love and recognition he deserves. 

Anduin is too good for this world and we don’t deserve him.

a list of healthy habits for a better you

  • getting out of bed as soon as you wake up - no more chilling on your phone for an hour while you should have been doing your homework (me rn)
  • did a mistake? did something you shouldnt have done ? accept you did this mistake but try and stop blaming yourself and critisizing so much: accept that its okay to do mistakes and it happens, by changing into a pozitive attitude there are much more chances to not do that again
  • have a few days/ weeks for a project? work !! on !! it !! seriously dont let it all in the last day the stress is much higher and it probably wont turn out that good because you’re hurrying up
  • eat breakfast !! seriously ok
  • pick an outfit the night before: so much time saved up
  • reading a book? get a highlighter and highlight unknown words ( especially if you’re not reading in your native language ) . at the end of the chapter/ your reading time search them all or maybe even write them down ? ( i struggle with this so much tbh but i believe it pays back knowing much more than before )
  • do a little bit at least of something you enjoy daily: even if you’re busy af find just half an hour in which you draw, read, play with your cat etc etc
  • achieve a morning and night routine: honestly it can be the most simple things but if you do them like straight as soon as you wake up then you’re more likely to be productive while if you just stay on your phone for half an hour then brush your teeth, you’re basically wasting time.
  • talk to people ! ok listen up i know its scary to just go and talk to people but if you know for example you have a common interest its very likely they will be excited about it and you might even become friends !
  • you’re afraid of doing something? lets say public speaking. i am completely terrified of it . this is exactly why i signed up for debate, to get over this fear. the only way you can solve your problem with a fear for something like this is to face it straight on . yes it will give you anxiety probably it might stress you but you’re being so brave and slowly you’ll most likely overcome it
  • have a crush? you know they’re single and a very chill person ? talk to them. like seriously the best thing to do when you have a crush is chill down for a bit and realize its not the end of the world if they dont like you back and the only way even to make that happen is to talk to them ! like become their friend and maybe hint at them that you like them and you never know??¿

okay listen here i know you’re probably thinking im the most peaceful perfect person ever because i do all these things but the thing is : i dont , i barely do any of them . however , i would really like to change that and i really believe these little habits will help me ( and you ! ) in life in general.

hope you have an awesome day!

Just while I am talking about how wonderful and amazing my followers and friends are, it’s recently been brought to my attention, that some people are buying multiple pre-order pdf copies of Hunger Pangs via my patreon by upping their subscription, then sending me messages going “hey I know you don’t have a $15 reward tier but can this count for 3 copies” to which I reply, yes, of course, assuming they wanted to buy copies for friends not on tumblr. Which cool, awesome! Thank you for buying those extra pre-orders and not just emailing the book to your friends when you’re done with it or putting it up on a torrent site*. That is amazingly kind and thoughtful of you <3

And then I started getting a few messages, asking if they could give their copy of Hunger Pangs away. And I was like “oh, you don’t want to keep your pre-order? Uh, I mean, I can refund you if you don’t want it” and they said “oh. no, no. I’m still buying your book for ME.“ and then explained in detail, that they want to give an extra copy of the patreon book away to someone who couldn’t afford to buy it themselves, or who couldn’t safely have openly queer fiction on their kindle/amazon purchase history in case their family saw it and…this has happened multiple times. I have had multiple messages from at least 12 people asking me, “hey, if I buy an extra copy of your book, can you give it away to someone who can’t afford it?”

And I’m just…you guys are just…so…I can’t even with how good and kind and wonderful you all are sometimes. I really can’t. You’re amazing. Not only because you are thinking of me and helping me to survive using my words, but because you are thinking of others and going “hey, I bet someone could use a happy queer story about love with vampires, werewolves and punching undead fascists in the face right about now” like, what kind of honest to goodness Saints are you. 

Thank you. 

I really cannot express how wonderful this whole experience has been for me. I never thought I’d write a book. I thought I might try, but I never thought in a million years it would be something people would be interested in, let alone want to share with others. And just…thank you. From the depths of my humbled and terrified little heart. Thank you.

And thank you for giving me the opportunity to give multiple copies of my book away for “free” to those who couldn’t afford it, or couldn’t safely own a physical or kindle copy. I’m sure it will mean a lot to the person who gets it. And if you want to do the give away yourself or if you want me to organize a mass give away post or something, please, let me know. I am more than happy to do so.

Just. ugh. UGH. You guys. I didn’t expect to spend my night crying over how good and wonderful people are and yet here we are. Thank you. 


(*please don’t do that. Like for real, please don’t put ANY author’s work up on a torrent site, this is partly why publishers are charging insane prices for e-books now, to make up for lost sales and also cutting back on the number of physical copies they order. Which means fewer sales cause who the hell wants to pay $17.99 for an e-book, especially when you have so many people throwing fiction up on amazon for less than a dollar, forcing the rest of us to sell 60k novels for 99 cents to compete with them. And just to give you an idea of how harmful this is, even pricing HPangs at $5.99 on amazon, I am selling at a loss for how many hours I put into it. It works out at nowhere even near minimum wage, but I know the current market and my own limits, and there’s no way I could charge more than that in good faith. So please, support authors and artists and don’t fucking torrent shit, or if you do and you enjoy it, go buy it if and when you can. Or rent it from your local library. We get paid when you do that too. It really does make a difference to us.)

9

a growth mindset | 17.11.2017

special thanks to @jasperstudies and miss piggott for being so positive while I was struggling with the A2 exams. now that those are over, it’s time to give back!

Keep reading

Dusk to Dawn | 1 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader 

genre: soulmate!AU angst, fluff, smut

warnings: swearing, smut, use of alcohol, smoking, lowkey going to be heartbreaking

word count: 11.6K

summary: You meet Jungkook in psychology class who acts like he has it all figured out, however as you two get closer you realize you are more alike than you two originally thought. Unfortunately for the two of you, fate has another plan in mind which will test yours and Jungkook’s relationship in more ways than one. 

part 1 of 2 

Originally posted by jeonyween


Fall Semester 

August 

The first day of the new fall semester has been nothing less of eventful. Not only did you sleep past your alarm by more than thirty minutes, not only did you not get a cup of coffee in you this morning, not only did you realize that you had forgotten your psychology textbook back at your apartment until you got to class, and not only were you ten minutes late to class, you somehow were able to calm yourself down enough to where you did not cause a commotion once you entered the lecture hall.

Once you sat down, places towards the back mainly open, you opened your laptop trying to blend in with everyone like you had not just missed the first ten minutes of class. You focused in on what your professor was saying, trying to ignore the fact that you had also forgotten to brush your teeth as well.

“In my class, we will learn about all sorts of things,” the professor states, “From children, to sociopaths, the human mind, to medicine, to love… and sex,” he pauses for a moment, a smirk on his face, “and yes, we will be talking about soulmates, too for those wondering, although many of you may already know where I’m at with this,” he continues.

Your face suddenly drops. Soulmate. You have heard the term all of your life and as you have gotten older, the more you try to ignore it.

Your older sister soulmate’s name carved into her left wrist at the tender age of fourteen and found the guy when she was seventeen. Your best friend soulmate’s named etched its name onto his left wrist when he was eighteen. The special thing about your soulmate’s mark, is that their name is written in their handwriting. A sacred thing that you have yet to experience. Everyone you knew, had received a name by the time they were eighteen… except you.

You were now 21, going on 22 and a name still has yet to be marked on you. You’ve heard stories of people never finding their soulmate and dying alone and depressed. Not only that, but you have also heard of the physical pain that comes along when never finding a soulmate.

Thankfully you have never experienced any physical pain yet, which gives you hope that the name is still yet to come.

“Excuse me,” a voice, a whisper, knocks you out of your thoughts. You glance over to see a boy with light brown hair and big doe brown eyes staring at you. “I think you dropped this,” there in front of you, the mysterious boy holds up a pencil that must have slipped out of your hand while you were in thought.

“Oh, thanks,” you say in a whisper, snatching it back from the boy giving him one last look before turning your attention back on the professor.

You internally groan to yourself and you can tell this is already going to be a long year.

Keep reading

“You’re Giving Up On Us?”

A/N: hi, everyone! sorry i haven’t uploaded in a while. school has been keeping me more than busy lately! 

warnings: this is angsty (i think) ??

requested: @pxrrishly

thank you for requesting! i hope you enjoy it x

word count: 2,474

Originally posted by 2tiedships2

Y/N knew what she was getting into when she first started dating Harry. She knew that his job would often take him away from her, whether it was because he had to go on tour or due to late hours at the studio. She could take that. I mean, both Y/N and Harry were doing a pretty good job so far. A long distance-relationship wasn’t going to fail them, now. Right?

Harry had been on tour with the boys countless times before and it never really got in their way. But all because they compromised. 

Compromise.

Had it depended on the occurrence in which both of them would sacrifice bits and bits of their days now, Y/N would’ve forgotten what the word means long ago.

At late hours like these, in the dead of night, when she’s lying wide awake in bed, are the best timing for her thoughts to creep in, and as much as she doesn’t want them roaming around her head, they already settled a home up in there.

She reminisces the times when they’d both stay awake longer than usual — or wake up earlier than supposed to — just so they could talk and see each other as much as possible through video-calls. She reminisces the times when she hadn’t a worry in the world about where their relationship was leading to. She reminisces the times when it still felt like he was putting effort into communicating and contacting her while he was away, just as much as she was. But most importantly, she reminisces the times when she still felt like he was there with her, no matter how far he actually was.

But now that Y/N looks back at how it used to be and where they are now, she can’t help but feel as though someone just ripped her heart open and out of her chest.

The frequent and recurrent calls and texts here and there during her day began to become scarce when compared to the early days in their relationship. Texts that were always replied to, once he had the chance to write back a quick response, turned into hers always being the last sent and with the ‘Read’ tag underneath. What once was a continual exchange of ‘i love you’s barely happened anymore. Perhaps because they forgot or simply didn’t have the time to do so.

And eventually, he almost completely stopped trying to reach out to her. And when he did, it’d often be just a text telling her how busy he was and how he wouldn’t be able to talk to her later on in the day. He was tired. And so was she. For different reasons, of course. Clearly, he wasn’t aware of how much this whole situation was taking a toll on her.

However, it wasn’t as severe as it sounds. It’s not as if he completely forgot about her existence. He loved her too. He really did. But the pressure and hard-work mixed together wasn’t exactly the best combination, sometimes — specially at times like these. Harry knew this wasn’t an excuse because as much as people claim to be too busy or too tired for something — or someone —, they can always make time for them if the effort is really there. He’d talk to her whenever he found the chance to but, somehow, it just wasn’t enough.

For instance, she never cared about how tired she felt. As much as she needed to practically hibernate due to all the pressure and stress her work was putting her through, she’d always wait up for him to call her, just so they could see each other’s faces and share even if just a few words. She waited. She was trying. And as much as she wished to admit Harry was trying too, the only response she got from him were simple and very direct texts explaining how he wouldn’t be able to FaceTime her tonight.

Y/N missed him. And she couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had given up on them. For what other reasons would he practically stop trying altogether?

Harry had been on tour for almost a year now and she felt like she couldn’t take it anymore.

Y/N loved him. She really did. But how was she supposed to carry on with their relationship if the effort he once put into it was long gone? Sure, they’d still Skype each other occasionally, but the distance —both physical and emotional— was too much for her.

Video-calls that used to last around 2 hours — all because the two of them wished to cherish as much as they could whenever they had the chance to see the other — turned into 15-minute chats. Comfortable silences that was once part of their relationship turned into nerve-wrecking silences for her — the thoughts and ways of how she’d break the silence were all her mind surrounded with. And with vague words exchanged here and there, they’d quickly end the call and retreat themselves back to bed.

Y/N was never one to demand the presence and affection of her boyfriend every living minute of their day, but she needed something back from him. She couldn’t be the only one trying and willing to make things work. She just wanted to feel him close whenever she had the chance.

The tension between the two of them was undeniable. And as much as Y/N tried to understand what had changed so abruptly, she couldn’t find any answers. They had just become… distant. It’s not as if they had been arguing or fighting lately, or having silly disagreements. It wasn’t any of that. And she wasn’t sure what it was, but the fact that things just suddenly and unexpectedly changed without a proper reason or cause, made this situation even sadder for her.

For some odd reason, the freedom she once felt to share everything with him was now almost non-existent. Y/N knew she could but she didn’t know how to. And that’s how she figured he felt too. Harry eventually caught up onto her change of demeanour towards him and even though he was apprehensive to ask her if she was okay, he still did, gladly. (Un)fortunately — he really couldn’t tell —, she always replied with the same words, telling him that ‘yeah, just stressed with work s’all’, or ‘I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?’, and brush it off with a small laugh. They never sounded honest for him though, and he never pressed on those answers because if something was wrong, she’d let him now… Right?

Harry didn’t want it to be true but he thought that he knew the answer to the ‘why wouldn’t I be okay?’ Y/N always pulled on him. He was well aware that they were distant and even awkward around each other at this point and he absolutely hated it. Harry knew she was not okay and he had a feeling that it was partly his fault. But he couldn’t know if she didn’t talk to him. Was he supposed to just brush it off or second-guess each time she said it?

It was bound to happen that her walls would cave down on her eventually—she just hoped it would have taken longer than this.

“Hello, love”, Harry greeted as soon as she answered his Skype call. She looked exhausted.

“Hey”, Y/N returned simply, not making direct eye-contact with him.

“Everything okay? You okay, love?”, he tentatively asked her, hoping for a real answer this time.

“’course I am. Why wouldn’t I b-”, she was immediately cut off.

“Love-”, he sighed. “Y/N… C’mon, talk to me. What’s in your mind? You don’t seem okay”. Harry was hopeful she’d give him something this time. After all, hope was all he had left.

“Harry- I don’-”, she let out a huff. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“But you know it’s not healthy to bottle up emotions, love. I’m here for you, you know that, don’t you?”

“No. Harry. I don't”, Y/N snapped.

“What? I’m always here for you-”

“Now, is that true, Harry?!”, she cut him off. She couldn’t keep her facade up for much longer. “You barely call or text me anymore! And I get to see you, what?! Once a week through a computer screen?! You don’t even put effort into us anymore! How would I be okay knowing you’re giving up on this relationship?! Tell me!”, Y/N was agitated to the extreme right now; her voice was loud and her cheeks were flushing up a bit—something that happened when she felt uneasy. She just wanted him to understand her side of the story. He might’ve been oblivious to it but she needed him to understand.

“Hey, hey, hey, now! Don’ put all the blame on me! You know damn well that I’m tired too! Sorry if I can’t exactly be right there at this moment to kiss your feet, princess! You know how my job works!”, Harry shot back. He might’ve felt bad and guilty when she started talking but after she accused him of such things, he wasn’t going to have it.

“You’re not denying it. God, I’m so stupid…”. Having a bad thought is something, but having someone somewhat confirm it goes to a whole new level. Harry wasn’t denying it. He was, indeed, giving up on them. Y/N’s mind was racing as she received what she thought was her reality-check.

“Y/N…”, he was strangely calm this time. Something was definitely up.

“Oh, so now you’ve got something to say?!”, she spat at him once again and if he was just previously coming down to his senses again, he wasn’t anymore. Her attitude was getting straight to his nerves.

“You know what? Just go straight to the point, yeah? I know what you’re doing here. Might as well just rush things up, no? I got better things to do…”

“Wow, Harry. Wow, really?! You don’t think that discussing this relationship is important?”, Y/N incredulously asked him, not waiting for a response.

“I didn’t say tha-”

“Well, you didn’t have to. I might just do you a favor and rush things up for you, yeah?!”, she huffed, mocking his previous words. “I can’t do this with you anymore. Clearly, you don’t give a shit about this so I might as well just end it, yeah?”. Y/N’s voice was slightly shaky but she managed to cover it up with a cough. She wasn’t sure if she had exploded way too suddenly and quickly in the course of their conversation but this was the least of her problems right now. She was literally breaking up with him.

“So you’re breaking up with me?!”. It was Harry’s turn to be stunned now. “You said I was the one giving up on us, but look at you now! Are we really not worth the fight for you?!”

“Oh, don’t put this all on me, Harry! You know damn right you gave up on us long ago! I’m just doing us both a favor ending this vicious cycle we’re in!” Y/N yelled, following with a sniffle and a sudden change in the room. It was quiet. None of them dared to say anything else at this moment. She had tears pricking at her eyes, begging to run free across her cheeks — but she wasn’t going to allow them. At least not now.

Vicious cycle? Is that really what you think this is- is that really what you thing we are? This could be nothing but a rough patch for all we know and you’re literally just throwing it all away?!”, Harry couldn’t believe the words he just came in contact with. How dare she say that?

“You know what?! I’m done arguing. Goodbye, Harry. I hope you have a great life!”

And just like that, Y/N ended the call and as much as Harry tried to be fast enough to stop her, his screen went blank and she was gone.

Right after she shut her laptop close, she broke into sobs. Did she make the right choice? Was there any chance left for them?

It wasn’t exactly an easy breakup — if you could even call it that. Y/N was aware of the words exchanged just now but she didn’t really feel as though as they were broken up. I mean, it’s Harry we’re talking about here. They’ve been together for the past two years and their relationship literally ended through a video-call.

It just didn’t seem… real. None of them got any closure. She literally shut the argument close, leaving both herself and Harry as confused as they could be.

Y/N knew what she was bound to do the next few days: grieve their relationship. Saying she was happy throughout their journey together was at least minimizing it all down to one word. There was no way she could describe what their love and connection felt like.

Both of them said things they didn’t mean. But was it worth going back on her words and apolozing? The pain that was unintentionally inflicted on her due to the distance and lack of contact with Harry was enough to bring her mind right back to where it was, in the first place. But, isn’t small contact better than none?

She was so stunned by the episode that just occurred that she didn’t even think about how Harry was feeling right now. Was he happy? Relieved that they were done? Sad? Shaken up?

And that’s how her next few days were spent: with her battling against her mind to give her some peace and with questions practically swimming around her mind — questions to which she had no intentions to finding the answers to.

Whenever, Y/N finds herself in hard situations, like a breakup, for example, she likes to be alone. She simply felt utterly lost and helpless — even though there was nothing simple about these two emotions.

She had to face the fact that she was now on her own and figure out a way to overcome Harry and hers breakup. Y/N had never loved someone as much as she did him and moving on would be complicated and perhaps even challenging. Might as well try to start now already, no?

Her trace of thought was immediately interrupted by a loud knock at her door, making Y/N huff in annoyance and get up from her lying position on the couch.

As she was making her way to the door, the person she missed most spoke on the other side of it, making her halt every movement she had — including her breathing.

“Y/N, love, please open up?”

part 2? yes? no? let me know! x

thank you for reading x

Masterlist

1.5k words of Neil getting flustered daydreaming about Andrew. A little nsfw, and a lot silly. I ended up listening to more than just Charlie XCX’s Boys, but safe to say the rest of the music had the same theme.


Neil isn’t a one-track-mind kind of person, as much as Andrew might suggest otherwise – years on the run taught him to multitask, to prioritize but not overlook anything. Unlike Kevin, even when he’s focused on Exy he can still think about survival, about his friends, his classes, about Andrew.

Well – Could. Usually.

Neil was in class, in a class, in some…sort of class that he definitely can’t currently remember the name of, doodling absentmindedly in his notepad for who knows how long, when there’s a cough above him. His professor is stood above him, looking exasperated, and Neil notices that the rest of the students are pretty much gone; class must have finished without him realizing. The aforementioned professor nods down at his notes with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, at least you weren’t sleeping.” She says, and Neil follows her gaze and realizes that his notepad has maybe two lines of notes, the rest just covered in doodles. The little fox prints and Exy sticks are par for the course, but he flushes and not-so-subtly moves his arm to cover the page to hide the cigarettes and keys and half-drawn profiles that are a little more damning.

Neil mumbles a ‘sorry’ and bolts from the class as quickly as possible, but things only go downhill from there.

Listen. It’s been two weeks since he’s seen Andrew, which is thirteen days too long if he’s honest – Neil has had the luxury of Andrew being in kissing distance almost constantly for the last few years, and now he’s off playing professional Exy and Neil is distracted.

The last time they were together Andrew must have sensed Neil’s desperation and anxiety about their coming separation because he had been heavy and rough, had pressed in close enough that Neil could feel the weight of him all over, always so solid. Then Andrew had slipped his hands under Neil’s thighs and with a harried ‘yes’ mumbled between kisses, lifted Neil fully off the ground, pressing his back up against the door to their room in Columbia and tugging at his legs until they encircled Andrew’s waist.

Neil had gone very very still for a good fifteen seconds while his brain processed what was happening (before coming to the conclusion that he was definitely, absolutely, a hundred percent on board). Andrew had kept still while he did, allowing Neil that time only to press back in close to him, all dense muscle and warm skin, till Neil was pressed up tight against the door, barely able to move but for the unintentional roll of his hips when his body decided that yes, this was very good, more please.

“Yes?” Andrew had asked, one hand coming up to trace Neil’s mouth, still lax in his surprise.

“Yes,” Neil had finally managed to get out, and then, “Yes, Andrew, fuck, yes, yes—”, only to be cut off by Andrew replacing his hand with his mouth, catching Neil’s plush bottom lip, already swollen with kisses, between his teeth as his hand moved down to lightly rest against Neil’s neck.

Which was good, was great, but then Neil had the abrupt and somewhat life changing realization that Andrew was holding him up with one arm. Neil certainly wasn’t keeping himself up.

Neil had pulled back a little, panting, thinking briefly that the light flush across Andrew’s cheeks looked good on him but then, also: oh, and something like wow oh god his arms why haven’t we done this before. And maybe he said that out loud or thought it so hard that Andrew somehow picked up on it, because his expression had gone distinctly knowing and maybe a little smug.  

“You’re drooling.”

“I’m not,” Neil had argued, but his conviction only lasted long enough for him to swipe at his mouth and find Andrew wasn’t lying.

“Are you done? Or am I going to have to give you and my arms some alone time?”

Andrew wasn’t serious, but the sudden flash of images that occupied Neil’s thoughts had him half-tempted to say yes and see what happened. Instead, he’d spent one last moment admiring the stretch of Andrew’s shirt across the top of his biceps, the strain of his muscles as he held Neil in place, the veins and the light freckles and the pale tan lines on his forearms. The contrast between his own darker skin against Andrew’s, the way Neil could feel him flex, feel the shift of solid muscle against him – the implicit power behind it had sent a dizzy rush of warmth to his cheeks, and a low moan threatened in his chest.

Then he had turned fully back to Andrew, and found himself soundly distracted.

Until now. Where, for some reason, his brain couldn’t stop thinking about it. He felt itchy and warm and like he definitely shouldn’t be attempting to captain right now, when Robin and a couple of their freshman recruits were watching him worriedly as he fumbled his second easy shot at the goal in the last ten minutes. He could imagine the unimpressed look on Kevin’s face, the muttering about letting yourself be distracted is idiotic and out gay athletes struggle and I’m perfect so I never think about anything but the game blah blah blah. He could also imagine the face Andrew would make, and the balls he would send in the direction of Kevin’s shins, but then Neil was distracted thinking about the power behind Andrew’s throws and the way his sweat-slick shirt would cling to his body; emphasizing how his shoulder muscles bunched and smoothed out, the hint of skin between his sleeves and his armbands drawing Neil’s eyes like a sunflower to the sun.

Maybe the ‘moth to a flame’ metaphor would be more appropriate because Neil thought he might actually kill himself by walking into traffic or something equally stupid today, and Andrew would have to raise him from the dead just to tell him how idiotic he was. Although if Andrew was digging up his grave for necromantic purposes, that would mean they were at least in touching distance – which was more than could be said currently.


So. Practice went like that, and the rest of the day is more of the same, until Robin stops him from joining the rest of the team for an impromptu movie night and smiles like he’s a dog that’s too old and stupid to bother telling off for peeing on the carpet or humping someone’s leg. He tries not to grimace, facing the embarrassment that comes with her knowing him too well.

“Go and call Andrew. You’re a mess,” was all she had said, but it was enough that he would have flushed to his roots if he had the complexion for it. As it was, he’d just gone very warm and made as swift an exit as he could without outright running.

Listen.

It’s been two weeks and an entire day, which is fourteen too long, and Neil is done. He holes himself up in his bedroom with his back to the door, and bites the proverbial bullet. The phone rings twice before Andrew picks up.

“Neil,” Andrew says by way of answer, and Neil is suddenly thankful that he didn’t call Andrew in public, because his knees almost buckle under him just from hearing his voice.

“Neil?”

“I’m fine!”

“Well, that’s good,” Andrew says slowly, tone moving away from concerned and settling somewhere near to amused. “Is that all you wanted to tell me?”

“No,” Neil replies, suddenly feeling foolish for calling Andrew for no reason other than missing him. God, and it’s only been two weeks.

“How is your new team?” He asks finally, settling on something innocuous to avoid saying something like I can’t get your dumb biceps out of my head I think I might need you to set up a live stream of you on the bench press or I might die. Or any one of the hundred other stupid things he wants to say: I miss you, or I keep thinking about the last time I saw you or I don’t know how I’m going to be able to last a year like this.

“Fine,” Andrew tells him after a moment, “Kevin keeps bugging me to ask how your captaincy is going. I told him he could ask you himself when you get here tomorrow.” It’s a promise and a reminder all in one, but mostly it’s a relief – that Andrew knows him, that he’s only a short flight away, that he isn’t being forgotten. He lets out a slow breath that he feels like he’s been holding all day, his body relaxing the longer he’s on the phone with Andrew.

“I was thinking about the last time we were together,” he blurts after a little while, and curses himself immediately. But then he hears the sound of rustling on the other end of the phone, like Andrew is getting comfortable on a sofa, or his bed.

And then Andrew says, “Oh?” with something like curiosity, and Neil lets himself smile.

-
This now has a sequel :)