but how could it not be if the first time he did that his mother died

Styx 49

“You know, I never quite considered Dean my son. I knew how Harry cared for the boy, and I knew that I cared for Harry, but all I could ever think of Dean as was a foolish child who didn’t realize the danger he was in.” She gently spun the ring in her fingers. “I knew that he was angry at me, that he resented me for taking the place of his mother, and I did not realize how poorly a job I did of it. I did not tell the boy that I loved him. I did not even know that I did, until the day when I discovered he had died, and I found that it hurt as deeply as the first time one of my children died.”