but holy shit if this is true i'm so happy!

  • Adult Steven: I wanted to tell you one story, uh, this is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, ok? It happened when I was 14 years old in Beach City where I grew up. I went to a place called Fish Stew Pizza with my gay rock mom Pearl. We walk in to the diner one day and they had a jukebox there, ok? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in seven dollars and selected twenty one plays of 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'. And then we ordered and waited. Here’s the thing about when 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' plays over and over and over and over and over again; the second time it plays, your immediate thought is not “Hey someone’s playing 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' again.” It’s “Hey, 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' is a lot longer than I first thought.” The third time it plays you’re thinking “Maybe someone’s playing 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' again.” The fourth time it plays, you’re either thinking “Whoa, someone just played 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' four times.” Or at least “Someone played it twice and it’s a really long song.” So the fifth time is the kicker, alright? Now Pearl and I, we’re watching the entire diner at this point alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on and we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in a booth with is stupid kids jumping around and he’s like, staring at his coffee cup like this *stares intensely and his hand starts shaking* - and he’s been onto us since the beginning - and he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking and he had this look on his face like, oh like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management and he’s staring like this *resumes intense staring* and the fourth song fades out, it’s dead quiet, then - I don’t know if you know this but the song begins very quietly; *singing* “I CAN'T HELP IT IF I MAKE A SCENE” And he goes “GODDAMMIT!!” and he pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my gay rock mom Pearl and what a genius she is, because when we first walked into the diner, ok? And we first got there, and I’m punching in the 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'s alright? I’d punched in like, seven at this point and Pearl says to me “Hey hey hey, before you punch in another 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' let’s drop in one 'Everything Stays'” Oh yes, that is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'s in a ro- it played seven times. Suddenly; *singing* “Lets go to the ga-” and the sigh of relief swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of The Crystal Gems. Y’know for years, scientists have wondered; can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing 'Everything Stays'? and the answer is: Yes. You can. Provided that it is preceded by seven 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'s. It’s true. And on the other hand, when we went back, holy shit. ‘Everything Stays’ fades out, it’s dead quiet… *singing* “I CAN'T HELP IT IF I MAKE A SCENE?” It went insane, people went outta their minds, no-one could handle it, no-one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like *starts sweeping* “Yep, same crap as always.” They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays and that was the best meal I’ve ever had.

anonymous asked:

Holy shit he just paid for everything and I'm still getting over the sticker shock. $9,000 and he just whipped out his card like it was no biggie?? Also Bruce Wayne has a Batman credit card #confirmed. And I mentioned I wouldn't have been able to pay the medical bill because of my student debt and this morning I woke up and it's gone too??? Bruce Wayne is a true cinnamon roll.

Bruce Wayne is literally the purest person and I am so happy for you :) Also the Batman card makes me laugh every time he whips it out bc he’s obviously the biggest Batman fanboy no matter how hard he tries to hide it

i know this isn’t very good or anything but, uh, you’re really pretty and i wanted to draw you

um.. happy birthday? sorry, i don’t really know what people do for birthdays other than parties and presents, so uh, have a badly drawn tortoise plushie

The tortoise’s two cents: Not very good? You must be joking! Your art makes me so happy, just ahhhh!! BUT SERIOUSLY I’M FLOORED BY THIS! AHHH, IT’S ME!!! IN RED’S JACKET!!! HOLDING! A! TORTOISE PLUSH!!! HOLY SHIT!! Thank you so much!! ♡♡♡ You’re always so sweet to me, and you have no idea how much this made my day. It’s so cute and just ahhhh! Now I’m going to go drive 3 hours to go eat some okonomiyaki and then turn around and drive back right after.
the signs finding out they're pregnant
  • aries: HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD
  • taurus: so thats why i've been so hungry lately
  • gemini: i am so hAPPY *can't stop smiling*
  • cancer: *cries with happiness* soon i will have my own army of children
  • leo: i'm gonna be such a bombass parent chilD ARE U READY FOR THIS
  • virgo: must. childproof. house.
  • libra: CUTE!!!! BABY!!! CLOTHES!!!!!!!
  • scorpio: i hope it's not a satan spawn
  • sagittarius: this baby is gonna be a WINNER
  • capricorn: bABIES
  • aquarius: this child better be individual af or i'm done
  • pisces: *sobbing* my dream.....has come true
LOOK AT IT

Look how pretty and gorgeous this is. Look at the beautiful colors.

But Rose, you say, how can I have a wonderfully stunning art?

*Will Smith pose* @theasgardiandetective THIS LOVELY, TALENTED LIL BEAN HERE.

LET ME TELL YOU. I commissioned this piece like two/three days ago. There’s some magical inhuman stuff going on here, because holy shit. It’s so gosh darn flawless and it felt like a blink of an eye because wow. Magic. I’m posting it on my metaphorical fridge to admire forever. Possibly on my grave because this has slain me. I can’t ever write angst again because this is so pure and good and everything I could have wished for. 

Go. Be great. Make your dreams come true. Commission the smol.

http://theasgardiandetective.tumblr.com/post/148990381785/theasgardiandetectives-character-art

anonymous asked:

you're one of the fucking reasons I realized I'm bisexual, so i want to thank you, kill you, and possibly fuck you along the way(preferably before i kill you ok i'll stop now)

Am I seriously the reason why someone realized they’re true calling.

Holy shit this makes me so unbelievably happy its insane.