- Adult Steven: I wanted to tell you one story, uh, this is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, ok? It happened when I was 14 years old in Beach City where I grew up. I went to a place called Fish Stew Pizza with my gay rock mom Pearl. We walk in to the diner one day and they had a jukebox there, ok? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in seven dollars and selected twenty one plays of 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'. And then we ordered and waited. Here’s the thing about when 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' plays over and over and over and over and over again; the second time it plays, your immediate thought is not “Hey someone’s playing 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' again.” It’s “Hey, 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' is a lot longer than I first thought.” The third time it plays you’re thinking “Maybe someone’s playing 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' again.” The fourth time it plays, you’re either thinking “Whoa, someone just played 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' four times.” Or at least “Someone played it twice and it’s a really long song.” So the fifth time is the kicker, alright? Now Pearl and I, we’re watching the entire diner at this point alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on and we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in a booth with is stupid kids jumping around and he’s like, staring at his coffee cup like this *stares intensely and his hand starts shaking* - and he’s been onto us since the beginning - and he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking and he had this look on his face like, oh like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management and he’s staring like this *resumes intense staring* and the fourth song fades out, it’s dead quiet, then - I don’t know if you know this but the song begins very quietly; *singing* “I CAN'T HELP IT IF I MAKE A SCENE” And he goes “GODDAMMIT!!” and he pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my gay rock mom Pearl and what a genius she is, because when we first walked into the diner, ok? And we first got there, and I’m punching in the 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'s alright? I’d punched in like, seven at this point and Pearl says to me “Hey hey hey, before you punch in another 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)' let’s drop in one 'Everything Stays'” Oh yes, that is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'s in a ro- it played seven times. Suddenly; *singing* “Lets go to the ga-” and the sigh of relief swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of The Crystal Gems. Y’know for years, scientists have wondered; can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing 'Everything Stays'? and the answer is: Yes. You can. Provided that it is preceded by seven 'Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)'s. It’s true. And on the other hand, when we went back, holy shit. ‘Everything Stays’ fades out, it’s dead quiet… *singing* “I CAN'T HELP IT IF I MAKE A SCENE?” It went insane, people went outta their minds, no-one could handle it, no-one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like *starts sweeping* “Yep, same crap as always.” They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays and that was the best meal I’ve ever had.
Holy shit he just paid for everything and I'm still getting over the sticker shock. $9,000 and he just whipped out his card like it was no biggie?? Also Bruce Wayne has a Batman credit card #confirmed. And I mentioned I wouldn't have been able to pay the medical bill because of my student debt and this morning I woke up and it's gone too??? Bruce Wayne is a true cinnamon roll.