but here it is in case anyone wants it

The Things We Give Welsh Learners: y Babi Sinsir

So I was going through our bookshelf yesterday, because we’re fast approaching the point where we need a clear-out, and I came across one of my all-time favourite creations ever, probably even beating shit like the wheel and penicillin. Years back, before leaving The Man to pursue his dreams of being a sort of professional clown-thing, my husband used to be a translator for Neath Port Talbot Council; as is often the way with Welsh councils, though, owing to a lack of money and also everywhere is really close to each other (this country is 150 miles wide at its widest point, and about 47 miles at the thin bit. Ver ver small), NPT Council’s translating department was shared by Swansea Council. Thus it was that, in the halcyon days of circa 2009, the two decided to team up and produce a new Welsh language book for learners between them, and thus it got sent through to Steffan to proof read it.

A Thing You May Not Know: Welsh is one of ten indigenous languages to Britain, arguably the oldest, and has been viciously oppressed over the last millennium and a half as part of England’s big If You Destroy Their Culture They’ll Be Glad To Be Ruled By You policy. These days, it’s nonetheless still spoken by approximately a fifth of the Welsh population; a hell of a feat, considering, but the suppression of it continues to this day (just in cleverer, sneakier ways now than whipping people’s children if they’re heard.) But it is classified as Endangered. Thanks to Welsh-language schools now being a thing (though supply is much lower than demand), transmission rates to the younger generation are pretty good; but, Welsh is peculiarly dependent on adult learners.

This means that learner books might have to appeal to both children and adults while using very simple language, which I explain in case it in some way justifies the bewildering weirdness of what I’m about to show you; because at first glance, this book is simply for children. But it’s… Well. 

Well.

I present to you, with translations in bold and commentary by me, Y Babi Sinsir.

Literally, “the Ginger Baby”, but they mean ‘ginger’ as in ‘gingerbread’. Literal ginger. Not the colour.

This is Mr Jones. This is Mrs Jones.

What’s wrong, Mrs Jones? I want a baby.

Note: there will be some confusion in this book about whether the narrator is speaking, or anyone else. It might seem cut and dried here, but there are no speech marks around “Dw i eisiau babi”, whereas later speech marks are used, and also in two pages’ time the narrator will actively pass a value judgement using first person, so… Well.

But, so far so good.

Mrs Jones is making a Babi Sinsir.

… okay, so I like this page because of the capitalisation of Babi Sinsir and the lack of definite article. She’s just making a Babi Sinsir. You know, a Babi Sinsir? Magical baby made of gingerbread that you make if you can’t conceive but can’t afford IVF? Yeah. A Babi Sinsir. That’s right.

Let it be known that this is Not A Thing in Welsh folklore or mythology. What the fuck. How does this work. Where does the magic come from? Do you need a faerie ingredient? Will the next page tell us?

This is the Babi Sinsir. I like the Babi Sinsir.

Nope.

But it is apparently shit-capable and needs a nappy. It’s good that the narrator likes it anyway.

The Babi Sinsir is bad. He’s running.

Uh oh.

“Come back, Babi Sinsir.”

Look how Worried the Joneses are. Funny how they don’t seem to be calling that enthusiastically, though. I’d have expected an exclamation mark at least. Did Mrs Jones always have a massive left arm? I can’t remember.

“Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Yeah, okay, so that’s the Welsh for “Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man!”, but once again, I’m going to have to draw attention to the lack of expressive punctuation here. It really feels like this naughty Babi Sinsir’s heart is just not in this.

“Come and help, Mr Horse.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Cool, look, a floating horse has come to help.

The pen there, incidentally, was an attempt by the translators to work out who was talking. I can’t imagine why. This dialogue is on fire, everyone can tell.

“Come and help, Mrs Cow.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Now they have been joined in their high-speed zombie shuffle by a married floating cow who is, if I’m not much mistaken, high as shit.

“Come and help, Mr Goat.”  “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

I’m starting to suspect the artist only knew how to draw the legs on animals in one way.

“Come and help, Mr Dog.”  “Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Yes, that dog is definitely here to ‘help’. Also… the Babi Sinsir is literally within reach of Mrs Jones’ massive left arm now. Why is she not just picking him up?

“Come and help, Miss Cat.” “Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

You may be wondering at this point if this is just… the whole book. An ever-increasing flock of floating zombie creatures shuffling after a naughty gingerbread baby in a nappy who is committing the cardinal sin of running. I mean… where can they go from here, amirite? A sheep? A squirrel? A chicken? We can hit a hundred pages this way, easy. The concern is the artist, whom I think was stretched a bit beyond their means on this project anyway.

BUT WORRY NOT! Shit’s about to go down, guys.

Oh no! Here comes Mr Wolf. Mr Wolf runs and catches the Babi Sinsir.

THAT IS A FOX

THAT IS A GODDAMN FOX YOU HEATHEN FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT WEARING CLOTHES WHEN NONE OF THE OTHER ANIMALS WERE

WHY IS IT DRESSED IN DUNGAREES LIKE A LAZY FARMHAND ON AN AMERICAN RANCH IN THE 1800S

This doesn’t bode well for the -

Half of the Babi Sinsir is left.

WHAT THE

Quarter of the Babi Sinsir is left.

WHY DOES IT STILL LOOK SAD AND HORRIFIED WHY IS IT STILL ALIVE OH MY GOD

The Babi Sinsir has gone! There’s tasty.

What the

Wha

It

I realise this is not the main point to make here, but two pages ago it had eaten half of that nappy, and now it’s whole again and delicately discarded to one side, I just want

I mean

It’s okay, right? This happens in fairytales? Little Red Riding Hood? Someone will eviscerate the fox and out will come the Babi Sinsir…’s pieces, and they can be baked back together…?

No one cares!

Mrs Jones is making another Babi Sinsir.

The new Babi Sinsir loves Mrs Jones.

… 

…okay, so there’s a lot for us all to take in right now, and we’re all going to get through it at different speeds. But I’m just going to draw attention to the fact that Mr Jones is now merely depicted as a picture on the wall, and the new Babi Sinsir apparently only loves Mrs Jones, and…

Okay so they just lost their beloved baby gingerbread son because he got eaten alive by a fox in dungarees calling itself a wolf, right? Mrs Jones apparently couldn’t give less of a fuck if she tried, as long as she has some flour and ginger left over to make another. This one she made to love her.

Mr Jones, I presume, had a total mental breakdown and drank himself to death. At the very least, he’s left her, look. All she has left is the photo.

But does dim ots! Mae’r Babi Sinsir newydd yn caru Mrs Jones.

And that is the story of Y Babi Sinsir, aka the greatest work of literature ever written.

How to keep someone safe through drug addiction

Here are a few things I have learned to keep my partner safe while using. This may be controversial to some people or described as ‘enabling’ but I think knowing what to do and what not to do will save lives for sure.
Drug addiction is a crippling, awful thing and I do not advise anyone to take any drug without extensive knowledge and precaution.
However if you want to keep the people you love safe then these things may really help, especially in life saving situations.

1. NEVER LET THEM SLEEP ON THEIR BACK.
This has caused deaths in many cases because when using opiates the body goes into respiratory depression (slowed breathing) and it makes it much harder for them to breathe and much easier for them to choke if they sleep on their backs.
Wake them up if you have to. Turn them into the recovery position (on their left or right side, hands away from the face, legs crossed) and make sure there is no obstructions in their mouth. Keep checking up on them throughout the night, if you can, invest in a blood pressure monitor just for peace of mind to check their pulse isn’t too low. I know the normal range for my boyfriend, and can see on there if it’s anything abnormal.

2.MAKE SURE THEY GET PLENTY OF WATER.
Whilst using, they are not in a normal frame of mind, ie: breakfast lunch or dinner aren’t going to be a priority when they are withdrawing or high / fully sedated. The ideal amount of water to consume in a day is 2.2 litres so try and get them to have a few glasses of water every now and then. Check their temperature and if needed get a cold flannel to cool them down, this can help with withdrawal.

3. BE AS SUPPORTIVE AS YOU CAN.
This may seem obvious, but those trips to the clinic or the hours trying to score can be really draining mentally as well as physically for someone, especially when they are withdrawing. Knowing you are there for them, holding their hand and being there will make a world of difference. Your love and support will encourage the person in recovery because it will give them something to fight for if they know you are there helping them and shining a small light on a really dark situation.


4. KNOW THE WITHDRAWAL SIGNS FOR YOUR LOVED ONE.
These are a list of basic symptoms my partner experiences and are common as well.
- irritation/irrational anger
- sweating
- nausea and diarrhoea
-panic attacks
-anxiety
-fidgety
-shakes
-high blood pressure
-severe migraines

5. HELP THEM WITH BASIC NEEDS.
What I mean by this is, most people using drugs have pretty bad mental health and are struggling mentally foremost, but this is a catalyst for poor hygiene, bad physical health and emotional withdrawal.
Try and get them to go for a walk every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Fresh air and exercise is the best medicine next to good nutrition.
Help them tidy up, wash and clean themselves. It’s likely their living space is going to be dirty so where you can, put things in the bin, get rid of any used needles or bloody tissues and make sure they are tied up in a big rubbish bag and disposed of. Get them any deodorant or nice products to help them with good self care as this can be a real help in recovery as well. When I’m not feeling good a shower and a shave always makes me feel better.
Try and get them to talk about how their feeling, if it’s good or if it’s bad, and just listen. I’m not asking you to be a therapist, just be there when they need someone to share their pain and to emotionally support them. It will do wonders for their self esteem and also recovery.

6. UNDERSTAND YOU MAY HAVE TO PUT THINGS ON HOLD.
Drug addiction is a life long battle this person is going to have to deal with. Just like any disorder or addiction it is going to take a lot of work and a lot of time and effort and a want to get better. This means their needs will have to come first when they are seeking help, especially in the beginning. If you want your loved one to get better you are going to have to accept your me time will be put on hold for a little while and things you have to do will have to be moved around in order to help the person suffering. Remember it is them going through this, but also you, so when you get a chance do take some time for yourself and remind yourself what a great job you are doing by taking care of them in this time if need. You are literally saving a human beings’ life, I don’t know anything more rewarding than that.

7. RESPECT YOUR LOVED ONE.
What I mean by this is, don’t shout about it to everyone you know that this person is going through drug addiction. It’s terrible enough as it is, without people talking about it and making them feel even worse about themselves. They will be much more likely to use / hurt themselves if they are made to feel ashamed or guilty about their problems. That’s not a place I would wish anyone to be. The people they care most about will be informed, and if that’s you then consider it a privilege that they have chosen you to be someone they can confide in.

8. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you see any signs in your loved one which worry you or make you feel concerned, do not hesitate to call the emergency services. That is what they are there for.
If someone is nodding out on opiates (heroin, morphine, codeine,
oxies etc) check their breathing and shake them a little just to make sure they are okay. If they go anywhere by themselves whilst high be sure to check on them for example in the bath they could nod out and drown if left alone for too long.
If you know they are on drugs and have passed out on the floor and aren’t responding, check their pulse and immediately call an ambulance. This is when it is essential to get help. Do not hit or try and shake them vigorously as this can cause brain damage. Wait for the emergency services to arrive.

If your loved one is an opiate user, CARRY NALOXONE! And learn how to administer it. Naloxone will completely reverse all side effects so if they are not responding this will bring them back to a sober state but they will be fully withdrawing. Call emergency services straight after administering the naloxone.

I can’t think of anything much more to add other than just to love these people and to treat them as you would anybody else who is suffering and in pain. Your love will help them, no matter how tough it seems, no matter how many sleepless nights and no matter how drained you may feel, I promise you it is worth it when you keep these people safe and alive.

From A, with love x
P.s my ask box is open for any questions or help with keeping your loved one safe through drug addiction.

Activities for Different Energy Levels

I have been in a low-energy state so frequently lately that I feel like I’m accomplishing nothing and contributing nothing to my life or anyone else’s. To try to combat this, I made a list of things I like to do (or don’t hate doing) that can help me get through a day. The less time you waste trying to decide what to do with your time, the better, because that shit is so exhausting.

I felt like I’d share this in case anyone wants some ideas for when you feel totally overwhelmed, exhausted, bored, and frustrated. Here goes!

Low Energy

▪ Listen to audiobooks or podcasts
▪ Edit photos on apps like pixlr or instagram
▪ Look up and bookmark some recipes you’d like to make soon
▪ Play guitar, laying down if needed
▪ Research or plan out future volunteering
▪ Read about meditation from a book or article
▪ Research or plan out steps needed to do a future DIY or art project
▪ Do some light stretching while laying down or sitting
▪ Do some basic chair yoga or tai chi while following an instructional YouTube video
▪ Bookmark new resources for managing symptoms
▪ Make lists or draw diagrams of things you’re interested in
▪ Watch a Ted Talk or informative video
▪ Read using a kindle or book
▪ Scan through previously bookmarked resources
▪ Watch YouTube videos you’ve marked as “Watch Later" 


Medium Energy

▪ Build a model from a kit or printed paper template
▪ Socialize via text or online social media
▪ Research future volunteering opportunities or Return to Work programs
▪ Organize, rearrange, tidy up a section of your personal area 
▪ Make plans for later this week or next week
▪ Manage medication: call doctors, pharmacy. Refill your pill calendar.
▪ Install updates on your computer
▪ Take a long, hot shower. Use nice soap.
▪ Filing: sort your papers into their folders.
▪ Spend some time with a pet, cuddle.

High Energy

▪ Socialize in-person
▪ Learn something new: languages, coding, coping techniques, art, new music, DIY projects.
▪ Cook something healthy for today or for the week.
▪ Creative projects: start one and do your best to finish it.
▪ Plan something and execute it, no matter how small. Bonus points if there is a tangible proof of accomplishment like a model or painting or a song you learned.
▪ Go walk around the mall or Target. Doesn’t matter where, you don’t have to buy anything, just get out of the house and walk a little.

Jake Peralta: Stepdad!AU

So this was going to be an actual fic, but, alas, any sort of narrative wouldn’t come, so instead allow me to offer a series of (not at all canon-timeline compliant) headcanons about Amy Santiago’s tiny daughter taking Jake in as part of the family:

  • When Amy starts at the Nine-Nine, she is Very Adamant that Jake will never meet Maya, largely because a) He’s the worst, and b) Maya doesn’t need to see her mother curse out a fellow employee, but mostly c) He’s The Worst.
  • Except she only lasts twelve days, at which point Captain McGinley calls her in on her day off because he’s finally realized that his new detective has started and he wants to meet her, even though they have met four (4) times and he’s assigned two cases to her and Jake
    • It’s supposed to be a short meeting and she promises a very teary-eyed Maya that she’ll be real quick, but she needs to go in without Maya because McGinley looks like he might yell for some reason, Amy can just tell, and Sarge isn’t here and Amy barely knows anyone else and Jake offers, basically
    • Maya is just v. v. teary when Amy blows her a quick kiss before entering McGinley’s office
    • The meeting lasts exactly forty-seven minutes
    • Amy expects A Disaster when she gets out, or at the very least a very stressed-out Jake trying to pass her daughter off on someone else
    • But instead Maya is sitting in Jake’s lap with two of his superhero figurines gripped between her sweaty little hands, patiently telling a story while Jake writes on a piece of paper next to her
    • “And then there’s a dragon,” Maya says breathlessly, and Jake nods along patiently
    • “Fire-breathing or bearded?” he offers, and Maya really considers it for a moment before deciding on bearded. “Got it, I’ve jotted that down.”
    • “I thought no one was allowed to touch your dolls?” Amy asks when she gets to them, and she’s a little stressed out about this whole situation because Jake is suddenly, like, a kind person? Who’s been watching her daughter for forty-seven minutes and counting?
    • “Uh, obviously this is Red Metal Man and Mr. Star, okay.”
    • It’s not. It’s Iron Man and Captain America, and Amy can tell because she’s not totally out of the loop of the cultural zeitgeit, okay, and she sometimes pays attention to movie posters and has very definitely seen at least two of the superhero movies
    • “Plus I believe I said no Santiagos, and that was back before I knew there was a cool Santiago in the clan.”
    • Maya, meanwhile, has grabbed a pen off of Jake’s desk and is now leaning precariously over said desk and drawing on some of the large blank spaces Jake had left on the paper
    • And Amy realizes that Jake was writing down Maya’s story but made sure there was room so she could draw
    • Jake grins at her sheepishly, braces Maya with one hand on her back to make sure she doesn’t slip, and says, “It’s her vision, and she’s, like, a really good storyteller.”
    • Amy swoons, but in a low-key, subtle way. Probably.
    • Anyway, but Jake is also The Worst, so it doesn’t matter

Keep reading

in case anyone wants to know what lin is up to these days here is a fun fact that i forgot to share with you the other week: not only is he doing an english accent for mary poppins, hes going like ALL OUT with his accent training and even does it when hes not in character, like apparently he shows up at family gatherings with an english accent and weirds people out

anonymous asked:

I have a lesbian who is hunted by a monster for much of my book, and I've been avoiding it (she only barely escapes at first) but I think she needs to die. How do I do it tactfully? She's not the only lgbt main char but I want to do her justice

The Bury Your Gays Breakdown, from a Super Mysterious Assistant

Alright!  First, in case it’s helpful for anyone reading, I’m going to go into “should she die?”  It sounds like you’re pretty settled on that, but bear with me for a minute here.

So you want to kill your lesbian (or otherwise not-staight-and-cis) character!

The first thing you should consider is, does she have to die?  If so, why?  Is it the logical conclusion of her character arc to die?  Is there no other possible way the plot could be resolved?  If you can’t answer “yes” to one or both of those, you might want to reconsider killing her.  (If the answer to “why does she need to die?” is “so her girlfriend is single again and can be paired with another character” then you really want to reconsider, because it will not look good and there will be backlash.)

The second thing to consider is, do you have other living representation?  This is pretty simple: if you only have one lesbian character, killing her is more of a problem, because then you’re killing 100% of your lesbian characters.  If you have five lesbian characters, killing one-who is now 20% of your lesbian characters-isn’t as big an issue.  Keep in mind, you also want to consider how significant these other characters are: if you kill off a major lesbian character, you need other major lesbian characters to balance it out; minor characters who have two lines in the entire book don’t count, even if they’re lesbians.  (Whether other LGBT characters count is a bit of a gray area.  If you have one lesbian character who dies, but a bisexual, a transgender, a gay, and an ace character that live, it’s not quite as good as having several living lesbian characters, but it’s better than only having living straight-and-cis characters.)

So you’ve decided you have a good reason to kill your lesbian character, and your story won’t be bereft of any living representation when you do?  Let’s talk about how to kill her well!

The first rule is, however your character dies, it should not have to do with her being a lesbian.  She should not be seduced by a woman who turns out to be an assassin (or vampire) and murders her.  She should not run into Zeus, who kills her for refusing him.  She should, probably, not be shot and killed by a stray bullet, although five years from now that one might be okay.  What kills her should be just as likely (historically, in both media and real life, as well as logically) to kill anyone else.

The second rule is, her death has to be the result of her choice.  She shouldn’t die because someone else decided to kill her, and she didn’t have enough plot armor to stop them.  She should die because she made a decision-maybe not rational, maybe not fully aware of the risks, but her own decision-and that decision directly resulted in her death.  She stepped in front of the charging mook to protect the hero while he finished the spell that will save the world, or she decided to cross the canyon on the rickety bridge as a shortcut, and it broke when she was halfway across.

The third rule is, her death has to matter to the plot.  This one is a little hard to pin down, because “the plot” is such a variable thing, but the general idea is: imagine if, instead of dying, your lesbian character got exasperated with these idiots she’s been hanging around with, bought a bus ticket to California, and lived out the rest of her life in happy plot-free-land.  Would the rest of your story go the same way, minor details (such as a mention of her) aside?  Then there is a problem.  If, however, whatever she does while or because she’s dying, or what she does that results in her death, changes the direction of the plot, then her death matters.

Now, one last thing: if you do all this, your reader, or listeners, or watchers, will still be upset.  But if they’re upset because a favorite character of theirs died, rather than because another lesbian was killed for no purpose but sensationalism, then you’ve done your job well.

This was for my friend in IG…It’s been a while since I’ve drawn Seven. Hi guys! I just wanted to say that I wont be active here in tumblr. I’ll still post some finished works here. But if anyone wants to contact me/ask me something, and in case I don’t reply here, I open my twitter more often. I’ll also post some doodles over there so if anyone’s interested…although it wont be purely of MM (so be warned!) Lately I’m really into Boku no Hero Academia, tho I still haven’t made any fan art of it.. There will be some in the future. Anyways, for those who read up until here Thank you so much!! I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

Attention Fanfic Writers!

Okay, so I was randomly having a conversation with a friend who’s had her fics reposted on weird sites before, and she told me she’s made a habit of googling sections of her fics to check for any more instances of that. So I thought, hey, why not, let’s google my fic. 

Apparently there’s this really weird Russian Fanfiction site called fanfics.me that is doing automatic uploads of fics from popular sites including FFN and AO3

From what I can see they’re either posting these fics in their entirety in their original language or they’re creating epubs of these fics translated into Russian. Here’s an example of my fic:

They link directly back to my fic and cite me as the author, but I didn’t give any permission to anyone to upload my fics to this site. 

I’m currently in the process of figuring out how to report fics on this website to ask that they all be taken down, so if you have any information about this site or have had experiences dealing with it in the past let me know. I’m personally very not okay with these fics being up. 

That I know of @thelastpilot @bullysquadess @siderealsandman @skaylanphear @geek-fashionista and @baneismydragon also have either their full fics uploaded or translated epubs available for download on this site. I wanted to let you all know just in case you all aren’t okay with your fics being put on this site in this manner. 

I’m currently doing a search of other writers in my fandom that I know of and will let them know if I find anything, but I suggest anyone with an AO3 or FFN account do a site search for their usernames and see if you have any material on here. 

Again, if anyone is familiar with this site/knows how to report fics on this website please let me know. I’d very much like to get my fics off this site if at all possible. 

I wanted an easy reference for which weapons every class could use/collect, and since I can never seem to find anything satisfactory I decided to make my own

[minor edit: druids can transmog off-hands after all, they just weren’t showing up for me originally in the collections tab!]

anonymous asked:

Also....I have one more. What about assassin andrew being sent to kill neil but falls in love instead au ❤❤❤

Mostly, Andrew Minyard slits his marks’ throats. One clean slice on the side, a severed carotid artery, blood flow to the brain cut off. A quick death. Not out of mercy, but out of necessity—cutting major veins is too messy, and severing a windpipe is too slow.

So Andrew Minyard goes for the carotid arteries. Mostly.

Neil turns to the next page in the folder. Some of Minyard’s earlier victims were strangled to death. A few have been shot, though likely as a last resort—police reports mention signs of a struggle, bullets in the back of the head like they were trying to get away.

Well, “victims” is a subjective term. Implies faultlessness. Innocence. Andrew Minyard’s victims are never faultless or innocent. Before the Moriyamas hired him, Andrew Minyard operated like a vicious Robin Hood, or a Batman-for-pay, taking relatively small fees to rid real victims of their abusers.

And now he’s after Neil.

Keep reading

(BMC) Rich Got A Boyfriend, Song Parody

Parody: Rich Got a Boyfriend
Song: The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set a Fire)
By: Be More Chill

The parody no one asked for, and yet I made.
Also I kind of gave up halfway ahaha sorry
~*~

(MICHAEL)
Come on Jer
I know you’re there, ugh
Wait until I tell you what I heard
It’s too great to type it out
It’s ripe
Call back
You’ll freak out, I am sure

(JEREMY)
Player Two is calling
Player Two is calling
Player Two is calling
Hey!

(MICHAEL)
Oh my god
Oh my god
Okay so

At the end of school last evening
Very end of school last evening
Did you see Rich?

(JEREMY)
Yeah, I saw Rich

(MICHAEL)
So he’s behaving weird beyond his normal habit
Jumping up and down like a crazy rabbit

(JEREMY)
It must be hard living with no squip
I can’t blame him for kind of losing it

(MICHAEL)
Right but
He’s not insane

(JEREMY)
I never said he–

(MICHAEL)
Yo, he’s not insane!!

(JEREMY)
I never said he…?

(MICHAEL)
No
Because I know that it looked wack
But there were reasons for his lack
Of dignity– he had a plan he was scared to do
His fear kicked in and made him look like a goddamn fool
Now, do you want me to tell you?

(JEREMY)
Spit it out, spit it out!

(MICHAEL)
You really want me to tell you?

(JEREMY)
Spit it out, spit it out!!

(MICHAEL)
I’ll tell you ‘cause you are my closest friend

(JEREMY)
I’m your boyf

(MICHAEL)
Yeah, I know
So here’s what happened at the school-day’s end

Rich approached Jake and asked him out on a date
Wooojejwjhah
Rich approached Jake and asked him out on a date
Woooah

He told him he was bi
Wanted to give guys a try

And then Jake said yes and now I think they’re a pair
And then Jake said yes and now I think they’re a pair!!

(JEREMY)
Omg, Chris, answer me
This
Is some major news that you need to hear!!

(CHRISTINE)
Ignore

(JEREMY)
And also space and awkward face
I know you’re not very into gossip and that we’re still uncomfortable over our failed relationship but I actually think you’ll like this and I’m sorry once again about everything, okay?
Smiley face, huggy, question mark

(CHRISTINE)
Hey

(JEREMY)
You good?

(CHRISTINE)
I am

(JEREMY)
Awesome so
At the end of school last evening
Did you see Rich?

(CHRISTINE)
No I left quick

(JEREMY)
So he’s behaving weird and Mike was freaking
That Rich lost it; he was shrieking

(CHRISTINE)
His life is really bad just give him a break
He still has burn marks from burning down that house

(CHRISTINE/JEREMY)
His life is really bad just give him a break
He still has burn marks from burning down that house

(JEREMY)
Right but
That’s not the point
This time he actually had a plan
Involving Jake– I think you already understand

Rich approached Jake and asked him out on a date
Woooah
He told him he was bi
Wanted to give guys a try
And then Jake said yes and now I think they’re a pair!!
And then Jake said yes and now I think they’re a pair!!

(MICHAEL)
Hey everybody, have you heard?
Rich got a boyfriend, now go spread the word!

(JEREMY)
Sending a text! (Text)
Sending a tweet! (Tweet)
Sending a text! (Text)
Tweet! (Tweet)
Release the information, step and repeat

(CHRISTINE)
I’m glad to hear (Hear)
That Rich is snout (Snout?)
No I meant out… Did I say snout?
Sorry guys, my typing skills are awful, no doubt
(All her typing skills are awful, no doubt!)

(ALL)
R-I-C-H
We’re all here
Just in case anyone tries to point or leer
Jake is lucky, so are you
You guys are adorable… And a good match, too!
R-I-C-H
We’re so proud
The tall popular guy is finally away from the crowd
R-I-C-H
We’re all here
Screw the haters, you have us so don’t you fear!

{Insert passive aggressive screeching}