but for the sake of the edit i skipped some of it

My kid does 13K in damage to studio equip, we handle it like lunatics.

[Part 1]

Some background:

I’m an audio engineer and score arranger full time in my self-owned business. It’s how I provide for myself, my fiancée (also CF), and my mother. I record, mix, and master for bands, voice-overs for local commercials, and write music for people’s weddings, college films, indie games, etc.. It was my passion since I was a child and every day I ask myself why I get paid to do what I do.

You know, until today.

I had a woman schedule to come in because she wanted me to record her monologue for an acting class. I thought it was going to be easy enough. I set up a mic and a music stand in the sound booth and got my workstation prepped for tracking. She was supposed to show up at 3:30, so when 4:00 came around, I called her to ask her if she was still coming. It was my last contract for the day and I was wanting to get home to my fiancée, dogs, and dinner.

“Oh, sorry sweetie, I’m going to be there soon. I just had to get my son from ex-boyfriend.”

Uh oh.

4:12, she showed up with her child.

To preface, I’ve never really wanted kids, and don’t really hate them either. But I’ve been childfree of mind for a decade now in league of several bad child experiences in public.

Anyway, I sat her down at the conference table and tried to talk to her about the contract and billing, etc., and just couldn’t because of the six-years-old pile of ovary droppings next to her.

“Mommy it’s cold in here.” “Mommy, I’m bored.” “Mommy, that guy has girl hair.” “Mommy, I want to play on the phone.”

The incessant whining went on for the entirety of the discussion. She did nothing about it. I had an ache in my stomach that this might be a rough session.

I was right.

I showed her to the sound booth, positioned the mic at face level, told her the basics of mic use, and then she floored me with a question.

“Can my son stay in there with you while I do this?” I insisted that he wait in the conference room (across the hall from the control room) because the control room wasn’t a very kid-friendly place considering the 120K of equipment at arms reach.

“But he’s a little angel.”

I shouldn’t have taken her word for it. I SHOULD NOT have taken her word for it. This kid was ANYTHING but. I let him in, told him to sit in one of the office chairs and don’t touch anything. Needless to say, he touched. I queued the recording arm and signaled her to start. She got three lines into her take before I hear a deafening screech and crash.

That little shit machine had just knocked over a $4,000 Korg into a rack with $9,500 of equipment. Completely shattered the touchscreen on the Korg, busted the dials off of half of the effects, and totaled my distressor that I use for almost all the vocals I track.

All of this, by the way, was the room’s length apart from where I told the crotch goblin to stay.

The kid, because of the loud noise, started full-lung screaming. Not crying. Not yelling. Screaming.

The mother, with no hesitation, ran over to the control room and DEMANDED to know what I did to her child. She cussed at me and accused me of hurting her little snot monster. Threatened to sue and even swung at me. When I told her that her precious angel had just racked up at least twelve grand of damages, she said “good”, spit on me, then stormed out, slamming every door on the way. So I pulled the security camera footage and had filed a police report. Grand total: $13,504.25. I also mailed her the bill for her session for good measure.

Of six years in the studio, this is my only truly terrible experience. Fuck mombies. Fuck having children. Thanks for making my vasectomy decision that much easier on me.

[Part 2]

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On plot holes in general

To clear the air: I’m not just talking about Moftiss. But I’m also talking about Moftiss. 

The thing about plot holes is that there are two types: ones which are unresolved plot threads, and things wherein the writers failed to show us something and assumed we would fill it in ourselves. An example of the first type would be John’s letter to Sherlock at the end of TST. Why introduce the letter if it was never going to be shown, read, or referred to again? An example of the second type is how John got out of the well and still had feet in later scenes. There, the writers could have showed us John realising that only his shoes were chained and showed him removing them and climbing up the rope, or they could have showed someone climbing down to cut through the chains. But it feels like a hole because they didn’t. 

Eurus *could* have used all of her brainwashed fellow inmates/patients to make all of those arrangements, but without seeing any of it, it feels difficult to swallow. If they’d shown even one scene of her doing some of this, we might have been more willing to extend some benefit of the doubt, some extrapolation of “oh, I guess there was more of that, then, ok”, but we didn’t see any of it. There was nothing there to explain how supposedly-dead Mary kept sending posthumous home videos. 

Then again, most Bond/spy movies do the same thing, honestly. If Bond’s credit cards were cut off, how did he rent that Aston Martin? Where did he get that new suit? Last time we saw him, he was wearing jeans and a ripped t-shirt and had no luggage with him. Has he been wearing the same underwear for the entire movie? Does he ever brush his teeth? Personally, I’m one of those irritating watchers who always wants to be shown the parts that make it feel real. I suspect that screen writers leave this stuff out deliberately for three reasons: 

1) They think it will be dull. They figure audiences don’t want to see Bond trying on shirts or going to the bank to take out cash or maxing out on a credit card. Better put in some more car chases! 

2) They’re already trying to edit things down to fit into a prescribed run time. Therefore Bond doing cardio to keep fit for all those foot chases gets cut. 

3) They actually don’t want the protagonist (or villain, as the case may be) to seem human; they want us to see them as almost super-human, so Bond clipping his toenails never gets written. 

The thing is, the day and age of willing suspension of disbelief is over. Audiences are more analytical than they used to be. We’re used to getting explanations when we want them, because information is so widely available now. When things don’t add up or make sense, we find it irritating, not artistic. I honestly think that Moffat and Gatiss think they’re being artistic by not explaining things fully (though that doesn’t excuse them by a mile for constantly underplaying the realistic emotional fall-out of the things their characters suffer), but the fact is that their audience simply finds it underwhelming and sloppy. I think it may be partly a question of generations, too, but I also know fans of Sherlock who are their age and older, who find their plot holes as irritating as fans in their teens do. Personally, the more realistic something is, the more it will draw me in. I want to know where Bond got those dry socks from to replace the ones that got wet in the rain. I want to see him jet-lagged after flying halfway around the world. I want to know how he paid to get to that island or that city without any working credit cards or debit cards. You can’t book a flight with cash, not a commercial one, at least. “He took a charter,” the screen writer says, shrugging it off in an interview. Sure, fine: then show it. 

Moffat mentioned somewhere that Sherlock delivered Rosie, which is a frankly appalling thought, especially given that there was an actual doctor in the car, and given Sherlock’s horrified face at the thought of an event involving female genitalia unfolding in his very presence, I somehow can’t picture this in the slightest. 

Part of the problem is also that their episodes span too much time too rapidly to address the questions of how their day-to-day relationships function, what those dynamics really are, etc. Too much is skipped over for the sake of advancing the plot. I would personally rather see more attention given to detail and less to unbelievable plot arcs. I expect Doctor Who to be wholly unbelievable (and even there I used to snark about dropped plot threads and unsatisfactory resolutions as well as under-handled emotional fall-out, when I still watched it). I expect Sherlock to be believable, though, and there was just so many holes. 

All I’m saying is that Sherlock is not the only show that does this. There are a LOT of holes in series 3 and 4, but my larger issue is the emotional fall-out thing and the dropped threads. (Why make such a big deal with the memory altering drug? Why was there a dog bowl that Sherlock recognised? What did that damned letter say??? What did Ella tell Sherlock to do for John? Because I bet it wasn’t “go to hell, Sherlock”, yet that’s the advice he chose to take. Why???) Yeah: we like to be shown these things. It’s not enough to explain it later in an interview or a panel at a conference. Put it right there in the canon as though you meant to all along. That’s what ticks my boxes, at least. 

Rambling aside. Back to the current fic. As you were! 

Video Greetings (Cal Request)

You had no idea what you were about to watch. This was just a link on a tweet with a specific time to skip to in whatever video this would be. Usually, you ignored these. They were stupid videos that you had no real interest in watching. But the excitement from everyone replying to this certain person’s tweet made you curious to click.
As the video began, you found that it was a guy you knew as JJ from general YouTube meetings but the other two were unknown to you. Soon, you could name them as Callux and Calfreezy. The video was smash or pass which you had seen going round on YouTube quite a bit recently. Part of you, because of their easy comedy and outgoing personalities, made you want to watch the whole video. So, curled up in bed with a laptop on your lap, you decided to watch.
But, as you reached roughly halfway through the video, you found that your name was mentioned.
“Bro, funniest female YouTuber hands down” Lux, as they called him, said instantly.
“Oh for sure” JJ responds, “And I’ve met her a couple times and she’s proper nice”
“Definite smash” Cal, who you had to admit was quite cute, says, “She’s basically wife material”
“Oh shit” JJ chuckles, “Cal’s got a crush”
“Wait she’s going to that event on Monday” Lux reminds him.
Today was Monday. The event was a ton of YouTubers meeting and essentially having a party in the night after usually meeting some fans beforehand and having a big YouTube meal full of themed food.
“Well, she’s gonna get linked this video” JJ grins to the camera.
“Fucks sake” Cal grumbles, a hint of red washing his pale cheeks.
You find yourself smiling at the tall dirty-blonde haired boy and suddenly feel a sense of nerves creeping in for later. You would be leaving in 2 hours. It started at 7 and you’d sort of spent the majority of your day already editing and watching videos in bed. Time to get prepared.
A shower, a change of clothes and a small amount of makeup for photos later… You were ready to go with an Uber waiting for you outside. Just be yourself. If you met him, he’d be the nervous one. If you didn’t, you’d meet one day…
The venue was already fairly busy and you were lucky enough to bump into some of your fans outside before going in.
“Aww I love your top!” You smile to one of the waiting girls wearing some of your merch.
“Thank you so much” She grins, overwhelmed tears in her eyes.
“Aww no don’t cry!” You chuckle, engulfing her in a hug, “You’ll ruin your mascara”
She laughs and holds out her phone for you to take a few photos with her.
“I’m so sorry, I’m gonna have to go but thank you so much for coming” You nod, giving her a final hug before waving goodbye and being led inside by your manager.
You recognized some people here already and were instantly welcomed by Joe, Jack and Josh.
“Hey guys” You greet them, giving them a welcoming hug.
“Well, looks like you’re the talk of the town at the minute” Jack laughs.
“Oh shut up Mr 1 million subscribers, congratulations” You grin, giving him a big hug.
“Come on, did you watch JJ’s video?” Josh raises his brows.
“Oh god” You laugh.
“Hands down, married by next year” Joe states and you hit his arm jokingly.
You roll your eyes and continue talking to them for a while before you’re all called to your seats.
Being a YouTube event, nobody’s really put into places so you sit with the boys and are soon joined by the rest of them- Oli, Caspar, Conor and Mikey.
From the corner of your eye you notice the sidemen boys who you had always been friends with. They were the loudest as usual and amongst them sat Cal, Lux and Sarah. A blush crept onto your cheeks.
“(Y/n)?” Oli raises his brows, “Do you want a drink?”
“Yeah, sure thank you,” You shake from your daze.
“Like I said, married by next year” Joe mutters from beside you.
~~~Time Skip~~~
The party was already in full swing by the time you walked in after having to take a call.
You walked through the crowds of people until you bumped into JJ and his friend.
“Hey (y/n)” JJ grins, giving you a hug, “How are you?”
“I’m good thank you” You smile, “What about you?”
“Yeah I’m great” He nods, “Oh shit right, (y/n) this is Simon, Simon this is (y/n)”
“Yeah I’ve watched some of your stuff, you’re really good”
“Ahh well thank you so much” You reply to the tall boy, shaking his hand in greeting.
“To be honest, I think I know enough about you already” Simon laughs before noticing your confused face, “Cal talks about you all the time”
You roll your eyes at him and try to avoid the topic.
“Come on, I need to introduce you guys” JJ urges.
“No fuck off” You shake your head.
“At least come over and say hello to the rest of the boys” Simon suggests.
You think about it for a moment before following behind the guys to where the rest of the sidemen were all sat in a booth.
“Ayy its Mrs Freezy” The bearded one of the group laughs.
“No no no Josh” The one you had met before and knew as Vik shakes his head, “Its Mrs Airey”
“Talk of the devil” Simon grins, turning you around to face Cal.
“Hi” He mumbles, not clearly audible over the loud noise.
“We’ll leave you to it” JJ comments, clasping your shoulder before heading off with all of the reluctant boys.
“Good to finally meet you” You say. What a stupid statement. You’d only known who he was since this morning.
“Yeah you too” He nods, “Sorry about the video” He mentions, scratching the back of his neck.
“I don’t see why its due an apology” You respond, “I saw it as a compliment”
“Oh, okay” He chuckles, “So, how about a drink?”
“Sure” You smile, “I can get them”
“No don’t be ridiculous” Cal shakes his head, “I think I owe it to you after causing all of this hype on your Twitter and everything”
“My Twitter?” You frown, having not checked much social media after you watched the video. You’d assumed the boys were only talking about the video.
“Looks like I have a lot of explaining to do” He smiles sheepishly.

PS BATCH ICON TUTORIAL

This tutorial will show you how to make any amount of icons you so desire - IN ONE SITTING!  (up too 500 at most to respond properly without lag).  This is largely an image based tutorial, but if anything is unclear, please send me your questions!

you will need:

-photoshop

-some screencaps or images you wish to edit

tutorial below the cut:

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Small Box | (1/3)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

A/N: I spent the whole day writing this down. This idea came when I was pooping. AND ALSO a huge thank you to my baby @chrisevanshh for editing and being a beta reader for this short story. love you! Muah!! hehe get it?! anyway, Feedback is appreciated!

Warning: angst

Summary: You have a surprise for Steve and it’s in the small box. so, what’s inside the box? 

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title: interlude 
rating: t, probably. 
pairing: kylo ren/rey 
fandom: star wars 
a/n: spite fic from another blog that was lost to the abyss. edited and added a few things. into the frying pan i go, i guess.



It was not passion that pressed Rey up against him when the worst of their battle was done. That was what she told herself, at least, as a breath hissed past his lips and her hands fisted into the material of his shirt. The sound was mechanical when released from behind the mask, but it stirred something within her regardless.

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LIW Review: Lovely Little Losers

Much as I love NMTD as my favorite adaptation of my favorite Shakespeare play, LBD for introducing me to the genre and the genre to the world, and so many other literary-inspired webseries for so many reasons, Lovely Little Losers will always be my favorite. 

The premise is simple: Benedick, Balthazar, and Pedro (now going by Peter) from Nothing Much To Do are going to university in Wellington and living in a flat together with the lovely and awkward Freddie Kingston. Freddie and Ben decide to impose some order on the flat with a set of absurd flat rules that everyone has to follow, including a curfew, vegetarianism (and vegan Fridays), Ben getting to film everything, imposed flat bonding in the form of challenges, and the worst rule of all, no romantic relationships, aka no shenanigans. 

The series is loosely based on Shakespeare’s Love’s Labour’s Lost, but in reality there are only about five episodes that have anything to do with the plot of the original play. Apart from those moments, the inspiration mostly just creates the premise and the names of certain characters.

Plot overview:

Freddie, Benedick, Peter, and Balthazar sign a bunch of ridiculous flat rules that at first seem like a good idea and quickly spiral out of control. Then Beatrice and Meg decide to road trip to Wellington, where, due to The Rules, they end of sleeping in a tent in the back garden along with Kit, another friend of the flat. It’s hard to say more about the actual plot without spoilers, since it’s barely revealed what’s been going on until almost the end (starting around “SARDINES” and going until “FEATHERS”), so I’ll move on to my other categories.

Format:

All actual episodes are posted on the Lovely Little Losers YouTube channel, with Ben as the main (unreliable) narrator, Meg as secondary (mostly reliable) narrator, and other characters (such as Beatrice and Peter) occasionally filming/uploading videos as well. Fifteen videos are devoted to “Balth in a Bath,” which was all filmed on the same day in February but is uploaded sporadically throughout the year. There are also between fourteen and seventeen song videos, depending on how you define “song” (more on that later). There are also a few extras on other YouTube channels that, while not technically part of the story, help illuminate things considerably (the channel I’m referring to here is Zoos Job, though there are also two videos on the Nothing Much To Do channel).

How to watch LoLiLo:

This is ordinarily not one of my categories, but in this case it is very necessary. You MUST read the video descriptions, and also check the comments section, to have ANY idea what’s really going on here, and even then most of it’s going to be subtext. You can watch the series either in the order it was intended to be watched in or in chronological order (which ruins a little of the mystery but averts a Zoos Job marathon later on. Links to both playlists are below). Keep in mind that Benedick is the narrator of nearly the whole thing, and that he is editing the content to fit his own agenda – the one @beatriceeagle calls “Project Birdy-Fingers.” This means that two-thirds of the love stories in LoLiLo are almost entirely hidden from the viewers and once again need to be read through subtext. 

Realism:

Off the charts dedicated. This series has a much more experimental style than NMTD – several episodes use more than one camera angle, nearly every episodes has multiple characters in it, and is frequently filmed over multiple days and edited into non-chronological order – but there is still always a reason for the camera to be there and always a reason, in-universe, for it to have been edited and uploaded the way it was. This dedication to realism made things that much more difficult for The Candle Wasters, but it also adds hugely to the value of the series.

Music:

As I mentioned above, many, many episodes of LLL are actually songs. The series has been referred to by many people as a “secret musical” because of this. 11 songs are almost entirely character development. “A Merry Note” was written by Shakespeare and was mostly The Candle Wasters being clever and making us think our ship had sailed. “Heaven in Her Lips” is a cute love song. “Stay” is secretly plot, though the lyrics also assist in understanding “one foot on sea one on shore one in the boiling hot lava,” which is the real first episode of LoLiLo. Then we get to the question of whether certain other videos are songs. “Berry Nice,” while a Balth in a Bath episode, is clearly a song. But what about “Beatrice and Ballads,” which is essentially the reprise of “Beatrice, You’re Vivacious”? What about “A Sonnet,” which, although not a song, is the inverse of “An Ode” and should therefore be included for the sake of symmetry? Of course, the numbers don’t matter, because the songs are amazing. The songs themselves were mainly written by Reuben Hudson, Elsie Bollinger, and Maude Morris, with some help from other writers, and are performed mostly by Reuben Hudson and Mouce Young, with help from most of the rest of the cast.

Representation/diversity:

Very strong. Several characters are not white at all (Kit and Jaquie), and race just generally is a non-issue. LGBT representation is also great, especially for a pre-2016 webseries: Peter is now openly bisexual, Balthazar actually uses the word “gay” to describe himself, Paige and Chelsey are a lesbian couple who have basically the only functional relationship in the whole series, and the sexuality of several other characters (Kit, Freddie, Costa, Vegan Fred), is never defined, though I headcanon them all as bi. Though there are no disabled characters, there are extensive explorations of mental health issues, though as usual for The Candle Wasters, this is largely in subtext. Also, people actually talk about money in this and have realistic issues with money, which is a nice change from every other webseries I’ve seen.

Film quality:

Fantabulous, especially since The Candle Wasters had an actual budget for this series.  As mentioned before, there are even episodes shot with multiple cameras THAT ACTUALLY WORK. Yay for realism and quality combined is all I can say.

My three favorite things about Lovely Little Losers:

1) My two favorite episodes, “RUSSIANFUDGE” and “ACCOSTED”

2) Balth in a Bath, because Balth in a Bath is perfect and innocent and lovely and actually includes a lot of exposition and character/relationship development that doesn’t exist anywhere else.

3) The fact that I keep getting more out of it on every rewatch – and I have now seen this thing in full ten times, though it’s been more like twenty for some episodes (”TEA,” “RUSSIANFUDGE”), and I have no idea how many times I’ve watched/listened to some of the songs.

Difficult things about Lovely Little Losers:

On first viewing it can be almost impossible to understand what’s going on almost all the time, and it can be easy to skip things because the series seems largely plotless. Do not give up hope! There is indeed a plot, but you have to hunt for it. If you finish the series and still feel confused or dissatisfied, I recommend a rewatch and @beatriceeagle and @marydebenham ‘s LLL rewatch metas, which have been invaluable for many the confused/dissatisfied viewer. It can also be frustrating that certain things (like apologies) are never said on camera, but we can blame realism for that. 

All I can say is, despite its surface flaws, LoLiLo is not only my favorite webseries but also only of my favorite pieces of literature of all time. There’s so much here, in character, in content, and in theme, and I could talk about it for ages more than I already have. Although on first viewing I had no idea what to make of it, I now give LLL a solid and glowing 5/5 stars.

Cast:

Benedick Hobbes – Jake McGregor @jakeasaurus–rex

Peter Donaldson – Caleb Wells @letslipthedogsofwar 

Freddie Kingston – Bonnie Simmonds @bonniesimmonds

Balthazar Jones – Reuben Hudson @reubenhudson

Meg Winter – Jessica Stansfield

Beatrice Duke – Harriett Maire @harriettstella

Kitso Harper – Phodiso Dintwe

Paige Moth – Mouce Young

Chelsey Long – Bronwyn Ensor

Rosa Jones – Ella McLeod

Hero Duke – Pearl Kennedy

Jaquie Manders – Kalisha Wasasala

Costa McClure – Robbie Nicol (Aka White Man Behind a Desk, now part of The Candle Wasters)

John Donaldson – Geroge Maunsell

Vegan Fred Boyet – Daniel McBride (aka Sheep, Dog & Wolf)

Dogberry – David Hannah

Claudio – Matthew J. Smith

Leo Duke – Alex McDonald

Ursula – Tina Pan

Zeb – Jim Mitford-Taylor

Kelsi Forrester – Calum Gittins

Julia – Mirabai Pease

Violet – Hannah Mitford-Taylor

Maria – Hannah Geddis

Created by The Candle Wasters @thecandlewasters

More complete social media links for the cast and crew are available from people who aren’t me :) 

Running time:

Approximately ten hours. 

Time frame:

December 24, 2014-December 25, 2015

Watch it in the original order here:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZ4M4eic7acR3w0c4lLxWE8SnpT2WzoCJ

Or in chronological (Zoos Job) order here:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZ4M4eic7acRAEqZtFwMqTz_lvB5YxKs4

Or in upload order as a slideshow here:

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1tvK1vOQNA9ClJi8K061c_sxiY4pwHfxbUvj8yPd_yuE/pub?start=false&loop=false&delayms=3000&slide=id.p

Pain (Simon Request)

(This was so difficult to write correctly! Sorry if it’s not very good😟)
“For fucks sake!” Simon yells, loud enough for you to hear from the kitchen.
You look down at the saucepan you were currently cooking some pasta in and sigh.
“Is he still getting this stressed?” Josh questions, surprised at your boyfriends actions.
This was never like Simon. He was always the carefree, happy, jokey one of the group. He was happy with you and nothing changed that. That just seemed to be slightly brushed aside recently as ‘YouTube stress’ built up more and more. Whether it was comments being pointless, tweets giving him hate or rude comments about you- it all built up. To this.
“Its getting worse” You sigh, “He hasn’t been sleeping enough and everything seems to make things worse”
“Have you tried talking to him?” Josh asks, clearly concerned that it would get to the point where Simon said something or did something that he didn’t mean… To you.
“Of course I have” You nod, plating up the pasta and sauce onto five different plates, “It makes no difference or it seems to make things worse. He feels guilty that they’re saying things about me”
“There’s always a spare bedroom okay (y/n)?” He puts a hand on your shoulder, “If you ever feel unsafe or like something’s going to happen just go there okay?”
“It won’t get to that” You state though you’re unsure whether you even believe your own words.
You hand over a plate to him and he takes two up the spiral stairs to give one to JJ and one to Vik whilst you take two for you and your boyfriend.
With each step you took, you became more and more nervous to reach the closed door of your shared bedroom. When Simon got angry, he became furious. And you weren’t ready to see him now.
“I made us some dinner” You begin, carrying the plate over to his desk.
His hands grip the table to turn them the same shade as the GTA car on his editing screen from his last video.
You cautiously place the plate and fork onto the desk and step back.
“So, do you want to talk about it?” You ask quietly, hoping to take some advice from Josh as you perch onto the side of the bed.
He stays silent. The veins prominent in his neck and the muscles of his arms shadowing in their tense state.
“It might help. Getting it out. It sounds stupid I know but-” you start before your words are cut off by his loud bellow.
“I don’t need a fucking counselling session!” He shouts, his hands releasing the desk for a split second to throw the ceramic plate across the room until it smashed into the wall opposite him. Flying past you.
You knew he had no intention of hitting you. It was an infuriated instinct. It just happened to fly in your direction.
“Okay. So no talking” You nod, putting your food on the bedside counter and walking over to the mess that now pooled on his light carpet, “You know we have a punching bag right upstairs. Maybe you could take your anger out on that”
You carefully try collecting together the pieces of smashed plate without cutting yourself.
Simon drags a hand through his hair and a loud sigh pulls through his lips. He was guilty. He just wouldn’t stay anything yet.
Though as you turn to check his state, the sharp ceramic cuts through your hand to leave a deep line across your palm.
“Shit” You mutter, holding it up to stop any blood hitting the carpet.
“are you hurt?” He asks, the worry lacing each letter.
“Just a scratch” You wince, hurrying to the bathroom and wrapping it in one of the spare face towels you had in the room.
“(Y/n) I-” He starts.
“Don’t start to apologise” You comment instantly, “You’re still too stressed to mean it and I think you need to seriously consider what’s going on with you before we start to go through this whole ‘I’m sorry’ business okay?”
Simon stares, dumbfounded, as the light material around your palm becomes more and more scarlet.
“So take some time to think” You nod, walking over to the nightstand to grab your phone, “And you can clean up your own mess” You state, walking out of the door without saying anything else.
You instantly head to Josh’s room, knowing there would always be someone to help you there.
“Hey Josh?” You begin, opening the door to his room, “Where do we keep the bandages?”
~~~Time Skip~~~
You spent last night in the spare bedroom. It was uncomfortable and it wasn’t warm like your normal bedroom. You didn’t have two long arms around your waist or a warm breath on your neck. You had a mattress that was too soft and sheets that enclosed you too much. And the bandage round your hand felt horrible.
Your phone was buzzing with notifications from Twitter suggesting someone had tagged you in something.
Simon.
There were two tweets.
One read- ‘Time for me to take a break. Want some quality time with @(y/n) without YouTube stress x See you soon’
And the second said- ‘me and @(y/n) will be spending two weeks in the Maldives and we can’t wait 😘 #love’
A lump was forming in your throat. Because you knew that Simon wouldn’t have slept last night either. He would’ve spent the entire night worrying that he truly had ruined things. And this was his was of proving that he still needed you. He always would.
You climb out of the sheets and head down the corridor to the room Simon would still be in. And you’re instantly welcomed by him jumping out of his chair to see you.
“(Y/n)” He starts, “How’s your hand?”
“Josh just said I have to keep it wrapped up for a few days” You nod, “How are you?”
“I’m tired (y/n)” He sighs, “And not just because I’ve not been sleeping. I’m tired of waking up and being scared to see what new shit is on my timeline about you. I’m tired of getting stressed that an edit isnt right or that the video isn’t good enough. I’m tired of taking things out on you. And last night, it just opened my eyes to all of that you know?”
You look down to the wall and carpet, he had cleaned them as much as he possibly could clearly. With only the wall showing a slight red stain now.
“So I decided I’m sick of it. I’m changing how I have been” He nods confidently, “We’re going away for two weeks and we can forget all about YouTube and stress and shitty tweets and pathetic comments because its only us two okay?”
“Looks like you did do some serious thinking” You chuckle.
“So what do you say babygirl?” He asks, walking over and taking your good hand in his, “I don’t want to take things out on you. I don’t want to have another night like last night”
“Okay” You smile simply.
“Okay?” He raises his brows, clearly thinking you’d be harder to convince.
“When do we leave?” You grin and he wraps his arms strongly around you.
The volume he now speaks in seems to be a volume he doesn’t even want you to hear as he buries his head in your neck, “I’m so sorry beautiful”

3 Million

Heyo,

So I can’t seem to stop writing phan.

oops.

Summary: Dan is a teacher at a high school and Phil calls him halfway through a lesson to tell him he has 3 million subscribers.

Warnings: Not edited, and Phil is a bit OOC but that’s it I think… there might be some swearing, idk.

———

“Alright, alright, calm down or I’ll give you a five thousand word essay on some really boring person” Dan threatened his students playfully.

“Boring? like you perchance?” Aaron piped up sassily

Dan took a step back and faked a look of scandal. “Me? Boring?” he huffed dramatically “never.”

The class laughed and Dan sat down in his chair, shuffling papers professionally. “Today we’ll be reading more of the book and discussing. Be warned - if you are not following along I will know, and I’ll make you read the next seven chapters” he wasn’t even remotely joking this time.

Just as the books were given out, Dan’s phone rang. Rather loudly in fact.

“No phones in class, Sir” Amelia chided sarcastically.

Dan rolled his eyes and looked at the caller ID - it was his boyfriend, Phil. He knew Phil wouldn’t call him unless it was an emergency, so he was slightly worried.  “You guys… talk amongst yourselves for a while. I have to take this.”

He opened the door and stepped out into the empty hallway. “Phil? Are you okay?” he asked frantically.

“I’m so much more than okay - Dan you won’t believe just happened!”

Keep reading

Caught In Action-TW preference

Request: 

  • you or him, is caught pleasuring your/him self to a picture or a video  of him/you

A/N : Sorry for not posting yesterday. My grandma was diagnosed with cancer and i was not in the mood. 


STILES:

Stiles was in his room, editing a video of you and the pack had made a little while back. He finished the editing and hit the play button for proof play, but as the video was loading he got up from his bed to get a cup of water.

The video was halfway through when he re-entered his room. The distance did not allow him to look at the screen but he heard your voice.

‘’ Please !’’ you whined. He chuckled at the sound of your voice and how it could make his heart skip a bit.

‘’I want it…’’ you said and his brows furrowed.

‘’it’s long and stiff and I need it.’’ you said and his eyes widened as he jumped onto the bed to see the video. As soon as he looked at the screen he remembered what this was about.  

Scott had bought you a popsicle, but refused to give it you unless you could take it from him. It was overall a playful moment, but if you took the visual out, he only now had come to realize how dirty it sounded.

He tried to let it go, but your voice haunted his thoughts.

He kept replaying it in his head. Imagining you were addressing him. That you physically needed him to fill you so much you actually begged.

That thought was enough to do the damage. Stiles brushed his palm over his clothed crotch and let out a groan. He had already gotten hard.

He unzipped his pants, and softly caressed himself, shutting his eyes , thinking of your voice as he pumped hard. Then he opened them . he didn’t need to just think it. He could listen to it. He pressed play , and shut his eyes. Picturing that you were there with him, as he stroked his length.

‘’STILINSKI ! y/n’s here !’’ His father yelled from downstairs but you were already outside his door so when you opened it the only thing he had enough time to do , was pause the video and turn it so that the screen of his laptop would face the wall.

‘’i…i..oh god…’’ you mumbled at the sight infront of you smirking a little bit. He quickly zipped his pants with the world’s redest cheeks. While stuttering.

‘’you.i ..was.it’s//um…look. I mean phew okay..’’ he tried to speak properly but couldn’t .

‘’relax. ‘’ you casually said trying to get the image out of your head.

‘’what ?>’’ he said surprised.

‘’it’s natural. I do it all the time.’’ You say and he mentally curses himself because your words are sooo not helping him relax.

Then you notice the laptop.

‘’ were you watching porn ?’’ you ask and move to go towards the laptop but he stops you, getting in the way.

‘’DON’T LOOK !’’ he yells.

‘’why ? is it some weird stuff like tentacles hentai porn ?’’ you say laughing.

‘’NO !’’ he says all too fast to defend himself. ‘’wait…yes..yes that is exactly what it is.’’ He says hoping it will prevent you from looking.

‘’really ? which one ?’’ you smirk and try to go to it but he raises his hands up cutting off the view.

‘’Stiles for god’s sake what is it ?’’ you ask giggling. He scratches the back of his neck sighing.

‘’it’s..it’s,.um.it’s gay porn.’’ He says and nods after saying it. You raise an eyebrow at him.

‘’you’re not gay.’’ You state hoping it is true.

‘’I can be…’’ he says raising his voice at the end of the sentence.

‘’fine fine I won’t look.’’ You say and act as if you’re moving back to his desk but as soon as he looks away you run , jump on his bed and take hold of the laptop, only to see it paused at a video with your face.

‘’I can explain. ‘’ he says and you raise an eyebrow.

‘’okay maybe not, but it is not what it looks like…’’ he says.

‘’really ?’’ you ask, dropping the laptop walking closer to him.

‘’cause it looks like you were jerking off to me.’’ you say and he blushes.

‘’i.. ugh’’ he has nothing to say and you smirk, getting closer.

‘’I remember what I said in that video. You’re totally excused.’ You said and he smiled/ \

‘’really ?’’

‘’yes…’’ you lean in close to his ear.

‘’please…i want it..’’ you whisper what you had said in the video, your lips brushing against his ear. He couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed  you , bringing his hands to your cheeks and kissed you.

 

 

ISAAC:


Isaac staring at the snapchat video you had sent him over and over again. He was incapable of understanding how a single girl could have that much of an impact on him. And what killed him was the fact that you were not his.

‘’damn it y/n ‘’ he muttered looking at it. He knew you were on vacations and he totally respected that but maybe you shouldn’t had send the ‘’hey I’m having great fun. Miss you’’ video with your bikini on. He watched your curves, your chest rising and falling as you spoke. He wanted this. He wanted you.

Before he could even process what was exactly happening, he found himself leaning against his desk, pulling his hard member out and stroking himself. His eyes focused on the video.

‘’fuck…’’ he let out as he wrapped his hands around him.

What Isaac did not know was that you were returning one day earlier from your vacation, and were planning on paying him a surprise visit. You stood right outside the door, when you heard him moan.

You weren’t born yesterday. You could imagine what was going on. In there stood a possibly naked Isaac, pleasuring himself, with swollen lips, and shut eyes and though your moral told you otherwise, the need to see overwhelmed you as you opened his door entering.

‘’HOLLY FUCK. Y/N ! ‘’ he yelled as he saw you, quickly getting his dick back into his pants.

‘’ indeed..’’ you mumble still focused on his bulge.

‘’well stop staring !’’ he said moving his hands way more than he should as you walked closer.

‘’I’m back early…thought I’d step by…’’ you mumbled still in awe of his image.

‘’yes, hello!’’ he said stretching his hand. You looked at it and then him raising an eyebrow, thinking of where it had previously been.

‘’okay maybe not shaking hands…’’ he mumbled.

‘’you’re still hard’’ you said like a kid pointing out something random. He blushed and looked at you raising his hands.

‘’you’re…seriously acknowledging that ?’’ he said not believing it

‘’ oh I want to do more than acknowledge it..’’ you whispered and then widened your eyes not believing you actually said that.

‘’ did I say this..’’

‘’out loud.,,,yes,,,yes you did..’’ he chuckled and walked closer.

‘’ i…um..’’ you bit your lip and he laughed at your reaction.

‘’you really shouldn’t have sent that bikini video..’’ he mumbled before leaning in to kiss you

 

DEREK :

You were staying at Derek’s loft for the night, because of a terrible storm. You had visited earlier, and when the storm started he insisted that you spent the night there.

You always liked Derek so you didn’t really fight that offer too much, And now that he was probably sleeping in another room, you wished he would just enter yours.

There was a photo of him and Scott on one of the few furniture in the room.

‘’How can someone be so fucking perfect ?’’ you wondered out loud looking at him.

You felt your stomach tingling at the thought, and shifted your legs, rubbing your thighs.

You let out a long breath in frustration, but it didn’t go away.

You focused on Derek in the picture as you slipped your and beneath your panties, caressing your clit, letting out a gasp, to the contact of your cold hands and your warm core.

Derek was two doors down. The thunders, the rain , the air , it all sounded louder to his ears as he was trying to block them and get some sleep. But then, within the muffled sounds of the storm he heard and increased heartbeat.

He thought that maybe you were having a nightmare so he focused on it and waited for it to stop. To his surprise it only got faster and then he panicked. Had someone intruded ? Where you in danger ?

He got up and run to your room not bothering on knocking,thinking you were in some sort of distress.

And you were.

Just not the kind of distress he was expecting.

You froze as you saw him standing at the door frame and he widened his eyes at the sight in front of him. Messy hair, the bed sheets slightly pushed aside but not enough to reveal yourself to him. Only your bare spread knees.

You felt heat rushing to your cheeks and he was fast to notice. But instead of saying something and making it go away, he increased it by taking off his shirt.

‘’what..what are you doing ?’’ you whispered, your voice caught in your throat.

‘’you, hopefully.’’ He smirked and approached you. You tried closing your legs but he placed both of his firm hands on top of your knees holding them apart.

‘’aren’t you creeped out ?’’ you asked referring to what he had caught you doing. He leaned over , his lips brushing against yours.

‘’ I’m flattered.’’ He smirked against your mouth as he kissed it hungrily.

 
PETER:


You knew he was a complete psychopath and always up to no good, but you found absolutely no harm in fantasizing about him. I mean as long as they remained fantasies…

You were lying on your bed in your underwear. You reached beneath your pillow and grabbed your ‘’diary’’. It wasn’t really a diary. Sometimes you wrote in it when you were mad, or copied stuff you saw and liked, or sketched random people. You flipped the pages until you found the most realistic detailed sketch you had in there.

Peter Hale. It surprised you how it looked exactly like him , even though you had made it from memory. Without looking at him while drawing it. You knew every part of his face by heart. It had somehow managed to imprint itself in your memory.

You gasped at the sight of him. If only he could be here.

You lowered your hand and reached your panties, slowly rubbing yourself above the fabric.

You let out a slight moan at the contact, and pushed the fabric aside, while with your other hand you caressed your chest. You shut your eyes getting into the moment, when the door suddenly opened. You dropped the drawing, and covered yourself in the bed sheets.

‘’Fuck’’ you whispered once you saw the person that had entered. Peter had the world’s biggest smirk on his lips as he approached the bed. He took a good look at the drawing and then at you.

‘’I could audio enhance it you know…’’ he said and you blushed.

‘’it’s not what it looks like !’’ you defended yourself.

Peter took a seat across your bed and opened his legs, placing his elbows on his thighs and supporting his head on his hands.

‘’don’t stop on my account.’’  He said smirking and you furrowed your brows.

‘’what ?’’ you asked shocked.

‘’I’m offering you the real deal. You can look at me.’’ he said proudly which made you blush even harder.

‘’I am not doing thi..i.. I can’t do it if you’re watching.’’ You protested. But Peter really wanted to see you. He wanted to see you moan because of him., touching yourself while thinking of him. And the thought of not seeing it, pissed him of.

‘’Didn’t anyone ever tell you to finish what you bloody started ?’’ he said sounding a tiny bit mad, which only made you re-consider it.

He looked at your legs and motioned for you to spread them, to which you obeyed. He got up , pulling the cover sheets away revealing your body as you whimpered in surprise.

‘’from where you left of.’’ He said nodding and returning to his seat. You heisted for a moment but then his eyes changed as he said ‘’now !’’

You did as told, slowly feeling yourself again. There was something about having him there. Being able to look at him. You started getting into it, rubbing harder and faster. You wanted him to see. See what he does to you, the very thought of him. You watched as his muscles tensed and as his lips curved into a smirk as you picked up the pace. Then you felt the need to shut your eyes.

‘’don’t you dare.’’ He said strictly and you forced them open looking at him. You kept on pleasuring yourself and you could see it in his eyes that he enjoyed it. The picture of a girl going through this all, just because of him.

Soon you arched your back and you swear you heard him groan at the sight.

Seconds later you came undone in front of him. He waited for you to ride off your orgasm and he smiled.

‘’thank you’’ he said getting up and exiting the room.


LIAM:

External image

Liam had a crush on you since like, always. He had managed to go from complete strangers to best friends with you but to him it wasn;t enough.

You too had  a massive crush on him,, but everything he did you took it too friendly. You had declared yourself friendzoned even though that was clearly not the case.

But on your defense, you had tried everything. Dropping hints, trying to make him jealous, nothing seemed to do the trick.

You were shopping underwear with Lydia. Well basically Lydia was shopping and you were suggesting.But all of a sudden she tossed you a purple laced set that seemed to cover barely anything.

‘’try it on then’’ she smiled.

‘’what ? no no no, I doubt I even have the money for this…let alone the tits…’’ you said looking at the bra.

‘’nonsence. It’ll be a gift. Oh and take a picture once you have it on. ‘’ she instructed. You did as told and to your surprise the pair of underwear didn’t look as bad as you expected it to. In fact you liked yourself in it.

‘’satisfied ?’’ you asked getting out of the dressing room and showing her the picture.

‘’yeap.’’ Lydia popped the ‘’p’’ but kept your phone.

‘’what are you doing ?’’ you asked widening your eyes once you saw she was texting someone.

‘’ your job.’’she mumbled. And then you jumped trying to grab it from her but it was already too late. The picture was sent to Liam , with the caption ‘’should I  buy them ?’’

‘’OH MY GOD !’’ you screamed dialing his number to call and explain but he didn’t answer.

‘’he’s not answering. Maybe he hasn’t nseen it yet. !’’ you yelled and started running while constantly calling.

You were going to run to his house, distract him and delete the message before he could see it.

‘’USE PROTECTION!’’ Lydia yelled as you ran.

Liam had received the picture with wide eyes. This was so not like you. You would never sent that, but there was no denying it was indeed you. And he couldn’t take his eyes off of it.

‘’Is it even legal to wear these kind of things ?’’ he mumbled to himself looking at the photo. He observed the smooth skin, the curves, the way the lace highlighted every part of your covered body, and he focused on the color .

He had a thing for purple and you knew it. Maybe it was why you agreed on trying on the lingerie on the first place.

Liam felt himself growing in his pants.

‘’I hate you’’ he mumbled at your photo. He looked how plump your lips looked in it, and unzipped his pants, stroking himself.

He allowed his head to fall back and bit his lips to not let out a moan. He slowly started pumping his erection. He wanted you. He always did. He wished it was your hand and not his. He knew you would be better at this than him and he wanted to feel you. Your hands, your lips, your core. Everything. He wanted to be in you. Be with you in everyway possible.

He was close to climaxing when you rushed into the room.

He froze and you froze as well. You saw his eyes dark in lust, his hands that you always admired wrapped around himself, his lips swollen.You could see his v-lines and the veins on his neck and you gasped at how incredibly good and vulnerable he looked. Then your eyes widened when you saw his mobile close to him.

‘’ I.. I can explain..’’ he mumbled.

‘’please do.’’ You decided to mess with him. He zipped his pants and looked to the floor.

‘’I ..um. I have this..um…eczema. and I need to apply ointment every day and you have to um rub it-

You laughed at loud at his excuse and then smirked.

‘’ so you were not masturbating to the picture I sent you ?’’ you chuckled.

‘’picture ? what picture ?’’ he asked.

‘’the one with the black underwear.’’

‘’They were purple’’ he mumbled all too fast and then covered his mouth with his hands realizing he had been busted.

‘’I am still wearing them..’’ you whispered.

‘’good..good to know. That is..yes. um they looked nice..’’ he mumbled not taking his eyes off of yours.

‘’ you think so ?’’ you teased stepping closer, decreasing the distance between the two of you.

‘’ yes.. they um..flattered you..they’’ he gulped looking straight into your eyes.

‘’ I thought they made my tits look small…’’ you whispered, too close to him now.

‘’no your tits are absolutely amazing. Perfect size. I mean , yeah. I never liked big ones, or too small ones but you didn’t ask what I like…they um. Yeah. Oh god’’ he whispered the last part sighing in embarrassment.

‘’would you like to see the underwear?’’ you asked and his eyes widened.

‘’ yes. I would very much appreciate it’’ he said and thought he would erupt. You were unbuttoning your pants when he realized he would not take it anymore. Rejection was better than this torture. He attacked your lips, pulling you close. You were taken aback but as soon as you kissed him as well, his hands went to your jeans continuing what you started as you smirked against his lips.

Love How You Hate Me - Sam x Reader

A/N: FINAL PART! Later than I wanted tonight, but I was held after again. It’s been a long journey, and thank you all for sticking with me! It means the world. I hope that this does everything else justice! Enjoy!

Previously: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Sixteen | Seventeen | Eighteen | Nineteen | Twenty | Twenty One | Twenty Two | Twenty Three | Twenty Four | Twenty Five | Twenty Six | Twenty Seven | Twenty Eight | Twenty Nine | Thirty

Originally posted by tvdkatherine

Originally posted by 394-shades-of-a-fangirl

Originally posted by youwerethereforme

Warnings: Some mild smut. Pregnant/Mommy Reader. Birth Scene. Flashback/Memories. Some death. Time Skip. Daddy!Sam. Some fluff mixed in. Real light editing. I believe that is all, and apologize if I missed anything!

Word Count: Roughly 3900

“Daddy?” The soft feminine voice called, making Sam stop at the door. His hand clenched around the frame, knowing what was coming. Sure enough, the question mirrored what she asked every night the past week before bed. “Can you tell me more about mommy?”

Keep reading

first love with jaemin

dO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING BEING NA JAEMIN’S FIRST LOVE AND HIM BEING YOURS MY HEArT alright before we start this is my first time making something like this so pls be patient with me

• ok this twerp would definitely be the kind to slyly drop a lot of subtle but not so subtle hints that he likes you before y'all started dating

• hints as in I’m talking about lOTS OF SKINSHIP AND BEING SUPER CLOSE AND INTIMATE WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT KIND OF INTIMACY dONT GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST YA NASTY

• like for example he’ll tuck your hair to the back of your ears like its nothing and then flashing you his million dollar smile

• or him telling you some cringey pick up line that is worth punching his beautiful face for poor chenle nearly threw up his lunch when he overheard you both

• BUT WHEN HE FINALLY THINKS ITS ABOUT TIME TO CONFESS HIS FEELINGS PROPERLY HE’LL BE THE CLUMSIEST LIL SHIT EVER

• HE BE TRIPPING OVER HIS OWN FEET AS HE MAKES HIS WAY TO YOU OR EVEN FALLING FACE FLAT oN FHE GROUND POOR BABY

• HE STILL TRIES TO BE COOL THO

• donghyuck, jeno and chenle makes sure to film everything down and probably make a meme out of his mishaps

• mark and renjun are probably just there for emotional support

• he’ll probably begin by wiping his sweaty (ew) palms on his trousers and nervously clearing his throat cORNY I KNOW

• you will most probably be like ??!??? at first but then you realise what was going on the second you saw the trash can moved behind jaemin. you knew this was bound to happen so you secretly kept it inside of you knowing too damn well jaemin will appreciate it if you pretend not to know anything for his sake

• this hopeless romantic smh

• “ok so y/n there’s this thing I’ve been trying to tell you all along. this may sound ridiculous but this takes so much courage from the bottom of my heart and the strength of jaehyun and yuta hyung’s fist to knock some senses into me. and if I don’t do this now johnny and ten hyung are going to call me a wimp and I have to buy them pizza later because I proved their point. I–”

• but who the hell said you were good @ keeping your mouth and excitement shut you can’t stand the tension anymore too either so lmaO

• “I like you too jaemin.”

• “pls do not interrupt me y/n”

• before he could say the three little words he’s been dying to say, he took a deep breath but stopped half way, opening his half lid eyes widely after his mind was able to process

• “wait what”

• “SHE SAID SHE LIKES YOU DUMBASS”

• “SHUT THE HELL UP DONGHYUCK”

• “can I come out now???” jisung’s head pops out of the bushes

• long story short jaemin was finally able to claim your heart that day and jisung got ant bites from hiding in the bushes for too long with the bouquet of flowers jaemin planned to give you after his confession

• the dream unit with the exception of jaemin also found their new source of entertainment from the video they got that day

• NOW DATING JAEMIN YES LETS GO ONTO THE DEETS

• NA JAEMIN IS DEFINITELY THE TYPE OF BOYFRIEND WHO WOULD SPOIL YOU WHENEVER

• he’ll get you small lil gifts of whatever reminds you of him

• that hair clip??? ITS CUTE BUY IT FOR Y/N that necklace?? A MUST BUY !! THAT LIMITED EDITION PIKACHU DOLL?? SCREW THAT VIDEO GAME WINWIN HYUNG WANTED HE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LIKE HE DID FOR THE PAST 19 YEARS

• he’d even turn up at your house at 2am with fried chicken if you text him at night saying you’re hungry GOALS YALL

• HES ALSO KIND OF LOWKEY LIKE YOUR 2ND MOM LMAO

• I call him dropping by your classroom during snack breaks/lunch breaks with food with him, knowing so damn well about your horrible habit of skipping on your meals

• he would force you to eat with him or at least take a few bites from the food he specially prepared/bought for you

• cOUGHS HE ONLY BOUGHT/PREPARED YOUR FAVOURITES COUGHS

• and didn’t he say he enjoys cooking in the dorm too?? imAGINE HIS HOME COOKED FOOD MADE WITH HIS LOVE

• I’m crying blood

• AND IF YOU REFUSE IM 999999% SURE HE’LL FEED YOU PERSONALLY

• “say ahh, y/n”

• “jaemin I said I’m not hungry”

• “stop lying through your food deprived mouth and eat!!!”

• “jAEMIN!!”

• “LISTEN IM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU FINISH THIS LUNCH BOX”

• JAEMIN WOULD ALSO BE KINDA PROTECTIVE BUT NOT CRAZY PROTECTIVE YKNOW

• HE’LL ALWAYS CHECK ON YOU IN BETWEEN TOILET BREAKS BY WALKING PASS YOUR CLASS AND TRYING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW

• AND THE SMILE OH NY GSKDNDN THAT SHEEPISH SMILE HE’LL GIVE YOU WHEN YOU TELL HIM TO GO AWAY IN EMBARRASSMENT JSNNDKEBXOEKE

• but lbr it’s either that really cute BF material kind of smile he be giving you through the window or that weird derpy smile he always has when he’s being dumb

• either way you’re embarrassed by this goofball

• and to add on to your embarrassment, he knows that some of your classmates may be watching the two of you so he’d blow kisses/make kissy faces at you

• he just absolutely loves to see you blush because it’s just so cute to him and he loves cute things especially you you’re his favorite cute thing and he wants to keep you by his side forever

• FIRST KISS YES

• YOU CAN NOT FORGET ABOUT FIRST KISS

• AND yALL KISS ON YOUR FIRST DATE TOO OMG SO IMA INCORPORATE BOTH PLS BE PATIENT WITH ME YALL

• because jaemin has been receiving lessons from his hyungs on dating it isn’t surprising that he brought you to the movies on your first date not because it highly suggested by his hyungs…

• you both agreed to meet outside the movie theatre and he was there an hour early and boy was he nervous as heck

• the older members were also there for a little while to prep him up aw how supportive

• sO after giving him half an hour long of prep talk and re-styling his hair (for running through them anxiously mULTIPLE OF TIME) ITS FINALLY TIME

• YOU TURNED UP RIGHT ON TIME AND YOU SAW HIM STANDING THERE OUTSIDE DAZING OFF INTO THE DISTANT

• HE LOOKS SO GOOD JUST STANDING THERE AND YOURE LIKE ‘tF HO W IN THE WORLD DID I END UP WITH HIM BLESS’

• pls excuse me for a moment here oh my god na jaemin is seriously one of the most attractive 16 years olds I’ve ever seen f U CK CALMD DJOWN

• ok lets get back

• IT WAS THEN YOU START TO FEEL THAT WEIRD FEELING IN THE STOMACH LIKE YOURE ABOUT TO THROW UP FROM THE NERVOUSNESS AND ANXIETY BUILDING UP INSIDE YOU

• BUT YOU STILL APPROACHED HIM ANYWAYS FROM BEHIND AND WHEN YOU FINALLY REACH HIM YOU GAVE HIM A LITTLE TAP ON HIS SHOULDERS

• POOR BOY WAS SO STARTLED HE JUMPED A FEW FEET IN THE AIR jk I was just exaggerating

• bUT STILL

• AND WHEN HE TURNED AROUND HIS JAW JUST DROPS THE MOMENT HE LAID HIS EYES ON YOU MAKING YOU BLUSH AND SHIT AND YOU COULDNT LOOK AT HIM IN THE EYES GOD DAMNIT SHDBNDSKDN

• SEEING HOW SHY AND EMBARRASSED YOU ARE BY HIM AND HE JUST LOVES SEEING YOU LIKE THIS ,, YOU BET MY LAST $3 THAT HE’D TEASE THE HECK OUT OF YOU

• “aigoo, my beautiful girlfriend looks even more beautiful than usual tonight. did you dress up especially for me?”

• I want to kms

• you’d just smack his arm and walk away, trying to hide your face. “let’s go buy the tickets before the show starts, you twerp…”

• the smile on his face would just become wider and he’d catch up with you, naturally reaching out for your hand and intertwining them together

• where the fuck did that nervous dipshit go and where the fuck did he find such confidence to become such a cheesy little shit

• jaemin also bought popcorn and drinks for the both of you and being the cheesy lil shit insist y'all share the drink with two straws while giving the excuse “i wouldnt be able to finish mine if we bought two” 

 • “I can buy my share myself” 

 • “nonono it’s too late for that now the movie is about to start and the line for the snacks is now really long lets go babe you don’t wanna miss out the beginning of the movie”

 • he holds your hand and leads you both inside the theatre and to your seats • “what are we watching again” 

 • “the conjuring 2” 

 • TOTALLY NOT TEN AND JOHNNY’S SUGGESTION 

 • “hmm,, ok… wAIT WHAT” 

 • you stared at him wide eyed and jaemin suddenly looked remorseful and he regrets everything especially listening to his hyungs who probably learnt all their “techniques” and “moves” from watching too much corny chick flick and kdrama 

 • “sorry, I should’ve asked you. do you want to leave right now? I can get tickets to see another movie.” 

 • THIS BOY IS LEGIT READY TO GET UP AND GET YOU TICKETS TO WATCH ZOOTOPIA IN THE THEATRE NEXT DOOR 

 • HE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU 

 • but your cheapskate ass just grabs him and pulled him back down in his seat but not letting go of his hand 

 • “its fine jaemin, ive seen the trailer and my friends say it’s pretty good. let’s enjoy this movie shall we? haha.”

• though your face say yes but heart say no, jaemin was reluctant but eventually decided to sit back down when the lights went off

• “but if the movie gets too scary and you dont feel like watching it anymore you can always tell me, ok y/n? we could have dinner early or something, i’ll bring you some place nice.”

• instead of watching in the beginning of the movie, jaemin was watching you the entire time with a stupid smile of his face despite worrying over the fact that you might be scarred for life

• eventually you caught him and you had to forcefully make him stare ahead at the big screen instead. at first he was pretending but soon enough he was immersed in it

• this dipshit istg

• when the climax of the movie came, you knew what was going to happen and you immediately grabbed jaemin’s hand while following your instincts and hid behind his shoulder

• he was caught off guard at first lmao since he was too immersed in the movie that he nearly forgot that hes on a date 

• after realising you had grabbed his hand and possibly squeeze it for as long as the climax part of the movie lasted, he blushed and tries to bite back a smile from forming on his face

• and when he turned to look at you, seeing that you’ve curled up in the seat, ears covered with your other hand and eyes squeezed shut, he was this close into melting into a puddle of goo because you looked so cute and squishy and he just wants to hold you 

• and he did 

• i am trying not to scream as i type this 

• he skillfully wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his embrace, stroking your hair as he teases you “aigoo my big baby i told you we should’ve watched something else instead.”

• you both went on to watch the movie like that, you clinging onto him like your life depended on it and him enjoying every second of it and lowkey wishes the movie to be longer

• when the creepy music in the background began to play as the second climax arrive, you were already gripping onto jaemin’s arm. being the perfect boyfriend material he is, he covered your ears. (BASICALLY JUST LIKE THE WAY SUNGJAE DID TO JOYIN WGM WHILE THEY WERE WATCHING A MOVIE I MISS THEM SO MUCH)

• but as soon as it was over (after all that exorcism and shit and everything becomes brighter), you’ll just look up and blush in embarrassment cos jaemin was staring back at you with a smug look on his face tHIS LITTL E SHIT

• you also notice that there are red marks on his arm from where you were grabbing him so you gasped and began apologizing for nearly tearing his arm apart during the movie while gently stroking his arm while rambling on and on about how sorry you are and also complimenting how he’s practically hairless 

• apparently you were rambling on too much that he couldn’t take it??? not in a bad wAY BUT it wasn’t just your rambles that was driving him crazy 

• it was your moving lips

• yes LiPSSSS gIRL YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

• YOU GUESSED IT

• he kissed you 

• to shut you up 

• and to also finally man up and kiss you like how he should’ve 3 weeks ago when you both started dating

• mmMm gotta get me a guy like jaemin A++

• you were too stunned to kiss him back so you just stared at him wide eyed when he pulled away

• “i-what-huh-wait, jaemin-what-” you poor confused child

• “how did you know peach was my favorite flavor.” he wipes the corner of his lips as he said that with a shit eating grin, causing you to turn crimson.

• “what are you kids still doing here? the movie is over; leave.” 

• whoops 

• so basically that was how jaemin found his confidence and that was just only the beginning of this cute relationship and he just adores the heck out of you and loves you to bits you guys are practially engaged in his head and he hopes that not only you’ll be his first love you’ll also be his last iTSNT THAT THE CUTEST THING EVER

• i am crying blooODdd i hope you guys enjoyed this like how i enjoyed torturing myself ㅠㅠ

anonymous asked:

O.O I saw the pencil sketch of your dragon OC on the other Blog but how did you line art and color it on Paint?!! with a TRACKPAD? ._. And how did you erase the sketch? I'm sorry I'm a n00b but could you do a tut in your spare time for us people without fancy technology? PS: I bow before your skills TT^TT

OKAY INSIDE IS A PRETTY IN-DEPTH TUTORIAL, i didn’t leave out any steps or tricks i use. possibly the most useful ones are terminating the sketch, and how to use the eraser tool to color-swap which makes the following processes a lot easier:

  • putting markings on a color while without worrying about getting out of the lines

  • putting down some shading

  • coloring lineart

  • marking behind a drawing

(if you didn’t know about that, i recommend checking it out in step 4)

Keep reading

A few days ago, I hit 500 followers, and I had you guys vote on what you’d like to see me make! It was a close tie between this manip tutorial and a FC directory, and while that’s still in the works for the future, this is something I’ve been wanting to post for a while. I’m excited to show you guys the deep dark secrets of gif manip making.

These are the gifs I’m starting with:

And here’s what I’m ending with:

note: for the sake of this tutorial, I am using two gifs that I made myself, but I often just find ones to use from gif hunts.

Instructions under the cut!

Keep reading

student teacher!jimin

  • Park Jimin - the new student teacher at your school, leaving your jaw dropping when finding out that he’ll be teaching your class
  • you can’t help but start straightening yourself up and paying attention in class because he is really dedicated
  • you start staying late and for after school hours, and a few of your female classmates are annoyed by your rash actings, though Jimin doesn’t say anything
  • you start dropping hints that you’re into him, but Jimin being the oblivious keeps addressing you as the student you are 
  • you participating in school activities and volunteering in helping him and the teacher more often, which surprises your teacher a whole lot
  • your grades increasing and Jimin praising you for your hard work in studying, and you squeal at that
  • Jimin asking you to help him out around class; printing paper works with him, looking over his graded sheets, and editing any mistakes he may have made
  • you curiously asking if he has a girlfriend, and him blushing at your question
  • his girlfriend suddenly showing up at the school one night and your heart gets broken
  • of course he has a girlfriend, he’s a college student who has a future all set ahead
  • you becoming a mope around and is back to your old self again; failing classes, ignoring your classmates and teacher, and pretending that Jimin doesn’t exist even when he calls for your name and or asks for your help
  • Jimin trying to speak with you during lunch one day, but you just tell him to bug off because you don’t want to deal with some hopeless sparks
  • you and Jimin go on with days in not talking to each other, until you hit the clubs with a few of your friends and finds Jimin and his girlfriend fighting; him yelling at her and she slapping him across the face
  • you ditching your friends to see if Jimin is okay, but he brushes you off rudely and ignores your existence like what you’ve done with him
  • Jimin goes to school as if nothing happened but loses focus when trying to teach, which your homeroom teacher tells him to take the day off
  • you asking your homeroom teacher for Jimin’s info and lying that you have something of his to return, which you had borrowed previous days earlier
  • you creepily walking back and forth on Jimin’s apartment closed gates when stepping up on his place, but there is no turning back, however you keep fighting about leaving him alone until his voice is heard from behind you
  • Jimin invites you in his house and you see him carry a bag of takeout food, which he places on his coffee table
  • you asking him if he’s okay, bringing up about the topic of what happened and Jimin shrugs it off by lying that he’s perfectly fine, but you know he’s deeply hurt
  • “you know… you can tell me anything… just consider me as your friend today instead of your student!”
  • “i never considered you as student. you’re too old and is graduating soon.”
  • “YAH!”
  • “You dare speak informal to your elder?”
  • you two laughing at the randomness and Jimin thanking you for the comfort, and reminding you to do good in school as your last year is the most important for Universities
  • you making a promise with Jimin then, saying that if you get accepted in a great college, he’ll take you out to a fancy dinner, and the man agrees
  • you turn back into a bookworm again for the sake of Jimin, not because of the promise but because he’s livelier again
  • Jimin noticing you more and more as you hang around him like a tight shoelace, and grows fond of your personality
  • you openly flirting with your male classmates without knowing, and Jimin gives you a slight pout to grab your attention 
  • Jimin cracking his boiled egg on your head to peel the shells off, a punishment for when your eyes were looking elsewhere besides him, and you punched him on the arm in return
  • you inviting Jimin over for dinner when staying after school with him on grading papers, and his stomach growls
  • he also helps you study in return when you’re left alone in your living room by your parents, and the sudden attraction between you both fondly grows
  • Jimin coming over to visit on occasional late nights, literally sneaking in from your bedroom to only enjoy being in your presence
  • your admiration for him grows more and more, and before you know it, you’re both lost in a bliss of your first kiss together
  • Jimin inviting you over to his place for a date, and the kissing saga continues with endless cuddles and flushed faces digging in each other’s necks
  • Jung Hoseok; a night class volunteered dance teacher and Jimin’s best friend, openly ships you both when he catches you opening the door to Jimin’s apartment, because you slept over and is embarrassed since you’re wearing Jimin’s shirt that is over-sized on you, and only an underwear on
  • both you and Jimin doing the dirty in school whenever you’re both feeling it, and it’s mad crazy but it doesn’t hurt to try being caught in public, and with that mind thinking, things goes crazy
  • the students begin noticing the closeness between you two, though you both thought you’re hiding the relationship well until you overhear your homeroom teacher scolding Jimin
  • “i don’t care what your relationship is with that student, whether it be friends or not. but the school is talking, Mr. Park. if you want to become a teacher you worked so hard in doing, you better not make a name for yourself that will ruin your career forever. don’t let a little play thing destroy you.”
  • you never mentioning to Jimin that you heard what happened, because maybe he’ll toughen it out and tells you that he cares no matter what
  • you noticing the distance Jimin begins putting on you both, and you’d understand well if he breaks it off with you nicely
  • you catching Jimin entering a love hotel with an arm hooked onto his ex-girlfriend, and your heart breaks at the sight
  • arguments ensues when you confront him about it, but Jimin denies everything and tells you to leave him alone, for he needs space
  • Jimin’s ex-girlfriend breaks the news when you try setting up a date with Jimin after a week of space
  • “he says he’s tired.”
  • “of what?”
  • “of this. of you. he doesn’t want to hold you any longer than he already is.”
  • “yeah?”
  • “yeah…”
  • “okay.”
  • “okay?”
  • “well yeah. if Jimin wanted break up with me so bad and return to you, then he could’ve just told me.”
  • you never cried so hard in your life that night when going to sleep
  • you skipped school for a few days, but then returned as someone else, someone who wore their skirt shorter, unbuttoned their top until your cleavage was barely showing, wearing a deep shade of red lipstick, and literally disobeying the school’s rule
  • you were in detention for a whole two weeks due to the behavior of your appearance, but did it matter? you were getting guys to look your way, and made sure it was Jimin who caught you having a hot make out session with a male student in the copying machine room
  • Jimin visits you one night at home, having to the do the dues of setting straight with the student’s parents that their child is dressed inappropriately at school
  • you end up opening the door instead and tells Jimin to bug off, but he doesn’t and asks for your parents because he’d like to speak with them, but you tell him that they aren’t home and Jimin already knows
  • Jimin pushes himself inside your home and kisses you harshly on the lips, making you cry out for him to stop but having you melt within seconds when his warmths embraces you completely
  • you’re a mess with Jimin and you’re both lost in ecstasy when he takes you on in your bedroom
  • the next day is left as if nothing happened when eyeing each other at school, and you look more normal than the days you had before
  • Jimin slips a note inside your textbook to meet him at his place after school, and you’re so excited that you rush to the restroom to tidy yourself up but gets attacked by a few male classmates
  • Jimin comes to your rescue of course, and the classmates sprints away, stating you of bad names 
  • you’re in the care of Jimin when he takes you to his place, and the man takes care of your wounds
  • “are we… okay now?”
  • “didn’t last night explain enough?”
  • the tint shade of red is shown across your face, and you quickly shy away from staring at Jimin, but he tips your chin up and kisses you gently on the lips
  • “i’m sorry.”
  •  “for what? taking advantage of me last night?”
  • “was that what you took it for? i took it as make up sex…”
  • “well yeah Jimin. we didn’t even make up with words, and you just ever so rudely barged inside my house and fucked me. god knows what will happen if my parents were home.”
  • “that is why i asked even though i knew they weren’t.”
  • “excuse me? and what if i had lied?”
  • “their car wasn’t parked outside. i observe your home very well.”
  • “like a stalker?”
  • “you calling your boyfriend a stalker now?”
  • you nearly squeal when Jimin mentions of the b word, and you immediately lower your head
  • “but aren’t you back with your ex?”
  • “no. i purposely used her to get you to think wrong only. she hated my guts for it, and tells me that i’ll be living in regret.”
  • “she’s right about that.”
  • “of course she is, because she told me that i never looked at her as the same way i did with you, and said losing you would be my biggest mistake.”
  • you don’t say anything but remain in silence of those cheesy words
  • Jimin circling the back of your hand with his thumb and raises it to his lips to kiss, and smiles sincerely when seeing you blush even redder than before
  • “can we… perhaps… start over?”
  • “but what about your career? your future? i don’t want to ruin your life. a play thing like me can’t afford to have you lose that smile.”
  • “so you already knew?”
  • “yeah…”
  • “why didn’t you say anything?”
  • “i don’t know. i thought you were going to be a cool guy and tell off the teachers. i guess it only happens in movies.”
  • Jimin laughs at your silly words and then leads you to his bedroom, showering you with soft and light kisses along with worshipping your body and just you entirely
  • as you think about what’s to come with your relationship rekindling with Jimin, you remember then that you’re both back to square one; forbidden
  • you return to school and realizes that Jimin have resigned from his student teacher position, stating to your homeroom teacher that he’s changing his major 
  • your homeroom teacher brings you up at as the topic, and this time Jimin doesn’t bite his tongue but let’s loose and says that because he is infatuated with you, he can’t let it go even if his life depended on it
  • as Jimin turns to leave, you pop up to meet him from the school gate’s entrance
  • “why did you do it?”
  • “because movies can be reality.”
  • “yah, Park Jimin! This is real life!”
  • “i know, and i’m doing it for us. besides, i never wanted to be a teacher anyway.”
  • “hm?”
  • “i wanted to be a dancer just like Hoseok.”
  • “ehhh, no wonder your hips are so great at moving.”
  • “i know, right?”
  • “shut up!”
  • “i’ll see you later, my little sinner.”
  • “YOU’RE THE SINNER!”
  • you continuing the rest of the semester without Jimin, and your homeroom teacher basically hating you for whatever reasons there is to hate, all because she couldn’t get Jimin and you did
  • you getting accepted to many of the great colleges, and Jimin proudly praises you, telling you that he’ll support 100% if you even decide to go to school out of town
  • you meeting Jimin through a damn scavenger hunt after your graduation, and is angered that he didn’t bother showing up
  • Jimin greeting you at the finest restaurant when you finally finish the pieces to the scavenger puzzles and immediately gets seated from across him
  • “i hope you like your promise.”
  • “i hope i do too, because i’m starving!”
  • both you and Jimin begin to eat, racing even because you both start a mini competition on who’ll finish their food the fastest
  • he takes you back to his place after the fancy treat, and worships you as the goddess you are, making sure that whatever left your mouth were music to his ears
  • “i love you,” he says it first as he wraps you in his arms.
  • you look up at him, your eyes drowning in his and murmurs the same three words back too, “i love you too.”
Swiss Army Man

I will now non-stop praise the new film Swiss Army Man for approximately 1300 words.

Swiss Army Man is about a guy who befriends a corpse which talks to him, has magical powers and helps him survive in the wilderness. It’s a brilliant premise, an idea simple enough to be malleable but unique enough to draw attention. It’s the kind of idea that makes other would-be writers hate themselves for having not come up with it themselves. Or maybe that’s just a personal problem. The dialogue is witty and insightful in equal measure, containing lots of clever in-jokes, callbacks to other pop culture artifacts and sly references to the film itself (like the way the corpse playfully references the film’s title by calling himself the protagonist’s “multi-purpose tool guy”). As it was in The Nice Guys the jokes here can really catch you off guard. The punchlines are never predictable, and their off-kilter nature just makes them land harder most of the time. Overall, this is definitely one of the most original ideas I’ve seen in some time, as well as one of the best scripts I’ve come across this year.

The film revolves around two characters, the alive Hank (Paul Dano) and the dead Manny (Daniel Radcliffe). Both actors are perfectly cast, handling both the script’s comedic and more sentimental moments very effectively. Radcliffe, playing a half-reanimated corpse trying to remember what life was like, has the showier role, and he pulls it off with aplomb, but Dano is every bit as good as the slightly more conventional protagonist. On the surface the film is about the journey these characters undertake on their way back to civilization, but it’s really more about Hank coming to terms with his loneliness and social isolation. Dano sells his emotional transformation beautifully and Radcliffe excels as one of the more likable characters I’ve seen all year. This film would not have worked had the friendship between the characters not felt genuine, but Radcliffe and Dano play off each other so well and the scenes between them are so sweet and heartfelt that you never once doubt their motivations or feelings. These are certainly two of the best performances I’ve seen all year.

Swiss Army Man is the first feature of co-writers/directors Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, or Daniels as they call themselves. It is incredibly self-assured for a debut, handling its many shifts in tone seamlessly and delivering a very cohesive experience. The cinematography by Larkin Seiple is frequently gorgeous and the editing by Matthew Hannam is fresh and inventive. This film has some killer montages, maybe not Rocky IV good but still quite invigorating, and the nimble editing and creative camerawork do much to hold the viewer’s interest and keep them engaged. Of course that’s all just the icing on the cake. With an idea this wonderful and a cast this talented Daniels could have filmed this movie on my cell phone and still emerged with something special.The fact that it’s beautiful and very skillfully composed just makes it that much easier to recommend. The entire crew taken into account, this is some of the finest filmmaking I’ve seen all year.

As for the score, I’m calling it now: this is the best soundtrack of the year. I’m aware that 2016 is only halfway over and if I’m wrong I’ll admit as much, but I’m pretty sure I’m right. At least as far as my tastes are concerned it’s not going to get any better than this. The film’s music, created by Andy Hull and Robert McDowell of Manchester Orchestra, is almost entirely acapella. Now and then they’ll incorporate a drum kit or a keyboard part and the final track centers around an acoustic guitar, but the huge majority of the sounds here are produced by the human voice, and the effect is striking and beautiful. I loved listening to this music so much during the film that when I got home I took a long walk just so I could listen to it again, and even as an album divorced from the film’s images these tracks really hold up for me. In fact, if this movie didn’t exist and Hull and McDowell had released this record as a standalone side project I would have thought they were lunatics but I would have still really enjoyed it. Most of the songs are brief and wordless, but the few that have lyrics like Montage and River Rocket are even more powerful. I would give anything to tune into the Oscar telecast next year and see Andy Hull singing A Better Way, but I know that won’t happen. If Eddie Vedder couldn’t get a nomination for his more traditional work on Into the Wild I don’t think Hull has much hope with material this odd. However, to my ears this is the finest film music I’ve heard all year.

With a film as unique as this it’s no surprise that attitudes toward it have been divisive. There were a decent amount of walkouts during its Sundance premiere and it currently holds a 65% on Rotten Tomatoes. Go through those negative reviews and about ¾ths of them will at least partially be about farts. Yes, this film has farts. You know what else has farts? Life. In college I took a class on literature of the Romantic period, and one of the major things I took away from that class was the fact that many males of that time believed that upper-class women did not poop. They were too beautiful and proper and composed for that. Then when these noblemen got married they realized to their horror that women did in fact poop and sweat and look different without their makeup on. Look at how far we’ve come. Everybody on Earth farts, and yet we still cannot show farts in a film without it immediately being branded as juvenile and lowbrow and dumb. That this film would dare to not only show people farting but have them talk about the social implications of farting is seen by many critics as reason enough to dismiss it entirely. I do not understand that. So if you disagree with me know this: Manny’s dead body farts. Hank also farts. The characters have an extended conversation about masturbation. Manny gets an erection that Hank uses as a compass. If it’s a dealbreaker for you that the film actually takes time to explore universal and relatable material like this you probably should just skip it. Also you’re kind of ridiculous. How’s the view from your high horse? I hope for your sake it doesn’t fart.

Swiss Army Man is, in my estimation, an astoundingly good movie and I love it a great deal. It’s certainly not for everyone. Nothing this creative ever is. That being said, if you’re looking for a movie with a brilliant premise, an insightful script, wonderful performances, a killer soundtrack and beautiful filmmaking Swiss Army Man might just fit the bill. It works wonderfully as a comedy but it also goes deeper than that, tackling many issues that I’ve rarely (or never) seen addressed on film. More than anything else this script is a skillfully-etched exploration of friendship and social anxiety, and you just might find yourself relating to these characters more than you ever thought you would. In its best moments (which come very often) the film is simultaneously ridiculous and heartbreaking. The jokes are funny and the dramatic moments are potent, but it’s when these two elements come together that the film really takes off. A joke about Hank having Cotton Eye Joe stuck in his head (because it’s always the songs you hate…) morphs into a genuinely touching leitmotif later on, and the film is full of strangely beautiful moments like that. I could give many more examples, but I shouldn’t. Rather than having me describe them you should just experience these moments for yourself. I wouldn’t want to deprive you of that. The film also has a hell of a twist ending, and to its credit it doesn’t rub it in your face. I know some people walk away from this film thinking that certain elements within it didn’t make sense or seem logical. If you felt this way then you didn’t understand the implications of the ending and you should probably watch it again. If farts are a dealbreaker for you then don’t see this film, because as I said before there are a lot of farts. However, if you can get over that (and you really should be able to) Swiss Army Man is a powerful and brave experience unlike anything else you’ve ever seen or probably ever will see and you should definitely give it a try.

Miniminter imagine

Y/N POV
“Y/N STOP BEING SO FUCKING CLINGY! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR FUCK SAKE!” Simon screamed.
All I did was ask Simon if he would hang out with me for an hour instead of editing and recording. We haven’t spent time together in months and I was beginning to miss him.
“SIMOM ALL I ASKED WAS FOR YOU TO SPEND NOT EVEN AN HOUR WITH ME BUT THEN YOU GO ALL CRAZY ON ME! WE HAVEN’T HUNG OUT IN MONTHS AND I MISS YOU SIMON!”
“WELL I DON’T MISS YOU Y/N! HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY I DON’T HANG OUT WITH YOU ANY MORE? YOU’RE SO FUCKING CLINGY AND I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” I could tell that Simon was already regretting what he said.
“Y/N I’m so-”
I cut Simon off and spoke, “Alright Simon if you feel that way then we’re done.”
Before Simon could respond I ran out of the room and into my best friends room and locked the door.
“Y/N what’s wrong?” Vikk asked as he took of his head set, walked over to me, and hugged me.
After what felt like hours I pulled away from Vikk and asked, “Am I clingy?”
“No you’re not Y/N. You just care about us. What made you ask that?”
“Simon said that I was clingy when I asked him to hang out with me since we haven’t in months.”
“Y/N you are not clingy by any means. Is that why you’re crying?”
I shook my head before saying, “He said that he didn’t miss me and that he can’t stand me. So I did him a favor and broke up with him. I love him so much Vikk and now I lost him. Now he’s going to find a pretty girl who’s not clingy and annoying. Vikk can I sleep in here tonight? Tomorrow I’ll go back to my parents but I’m just so tired.”
“Yea Y/N. Go to sleep on my bed, I won’t be going to sleep for a while because I have to record some more videos.
“Thank you Vikk.” I say as I climb onto his bed and fall asleep.
VIKK POV
Once I knew that Y/N was asleep I walked out of my room and went to Simons. When I got to his room I barged in and saw Simon laying on his bed with tears streaming down his face.
“Simon you are a fucking idiot.”
“You think I don’t already know this Vikk. I just had my girlfriend leave me because I pushing her. I love her so much Vikk and I lost her.”
“Simon you are such a fucking idiot but you’re lucky I love you. Y/N is asleep in my room. She thinks that you’re gonna find a different girl who’s not clingy or annoying.”
“Do you think it’ll be alright if I bring her in here and let her sleep?”
“Yea now go get her before you lose her.”
~~~~TIME SKIP~~~~
Y/N POV
After sleeping for what felt like hours I was woken up by someone playing with my hair. I open my eyes and saw Simon laying right beside me. He looks like he had been crying.
“Simon?”
He looks at me quickly before pulling me into his chest and apologizing over and over again.
I giggle before looking up at him and placing a kiss on lips. After a second of shock he began kissing back. After a couple minutes we pull apart and fall asleep.
“I love you Simon.” I mumble before darkness takes over.
___________
Yo so I’ve been thinking about making this blog a sidemen and Calfreezy imagines only blog. They are the only people I get requested so I figured why not make it like that. So only request Sidemen and Calfreezy imagines from now on.

Legit Writing Tips #1: Quick Editing

To put it quite simply, editing is boring. And slow. And mind numbing. And frustrating. And long. Here’s a checklist to make it a little bit easier.

Write It. Then Don’t Touch It: Finish the scene, story, novel, paragraph, vignette, prompt, or chapter, then stop. Take a step away from your computer (or notebook. Hardcore) and leave it alone. There’s no hard and fast rule for how long, but the idea is to literally forget as much of what you just wrote as possible. The more you read the same thing over and over, the more your brain skips over what you think you already know, and that means you will forget things. Lots of things. So leave it alone.

Spell-check: This should be the most obvious thing in the world, but if you haven’t, run the whole thing through a spellchecker. You may have turned it off so you don’t see red lines under things you know are spelled correctly. Yes, thank you spell-check, I understand that my made up fantasy names seem to trigger something in you, but tone down the enthusiasm.

Run it through again anyway. See red, squiggly line? Fix it. Run it through a grammar checker. Still see lines? Fix it. Then get Microsoft Word or something with a built in spell-check. Seriously.

Focus on one thing at a time: Focus on dialogue on the first run through, then do description next, punctuation after that, etc. Pick one thing to focus on for each pass so you don’t get distracted or confused. Create your own checklist of things to keep an eye out for and do a run through every once and a while.

Check for repetitiveness: Make sure your sentences and paragraphs don’t start with the same word/letter. If you can say the same thing in less words, do it. If the character says something twice in a row, cut it out. If two sentences in a row starts with the same letter, adjust it. Same with paragraphs. Vary sentence and paragraph length, as well. Occasionally, you’ll have dialogue or description that naturally falls this way, this is fine, just don’t make a habit of it, and be aware of it.

Watch your dialogue tags: How many times has your character ‘laughed’ or 'sighed’ or 'smiled’ in this chapter? This leans into the repetitiveness we talked about above. Use new words. Get them to do new things. Don’t just add for the sake of adding, but adjust accordingly.

Change how you read it: As stated above, the more you read your story, the less you see of it. Change the font size, or the font itself. Print the story out on paper (not really applicable for novels). Change the color of the font in your favorite word processor and mark problems in red, good passages in blue, things that need to stay in green, etc. 

Keep notes as you write: This doesn’t help unless you’ve done it before you’ve started editing, but it’s helpful during edits. Keep track of everything. Add them everywhere. “Sarah has green eyes.” “John doesn’t like peas”. “Need to figure out a name for a town” “Need name for background character #7”, etc. That way you can write without needing to stop at every little question, and you can go back to make sure you stay consistent and Sarah doesn’t change eye color mid story.

Make your description match your scenes: Action scenes don’t need big words and flowing prose. Make it quick, concise, and urgent. Romance scenes and historical novels can take more description. Add all five senses. Describe more. Describe less. Make it work for what you’re writing. Give them different voices for dialogue. Make then all sound different and have distinctive tones.

Quick Checklist:

  • Put the story away and wait.
  • Fix all major spelling and punctuation problems.
  • Clean up the format (not majorly, just paragraph and sentence length and dialogue).
  • Go over notes. Adjust accordingly. Make more notes.
  • Make sure you have a good opening line.
  • Make us love (or hate) the characters accordingly.
  • Start close enough to the good stuff so it’s interesting, but not confusing.
  • Make your description match your scenes.
  • Make your dialogue match your characters.
  • Create conflict. Once you think you have enough, create more.
  • Cut out any and all dead spaces in your novel. Be brutal. Characters, dialogue, whole chapters. If it doesn’t fit, or make the story go forward in terms of plot, cut it. Don’t delete it though, create a document and save all your bits and pieces.. They could go in something else or spark some more ideas.
  • Make sure there’s enough to keep the reader engaged.
  • Fix all plot holes and add in back story.
  • Add in foreshadowing.
  • Make sure the story arc makes sense and ends with a satisfying climax. 

    Now that you’ve done all that, you’re ready for peer feedback! Find a good writing workshop, either in person or online, and post your newly edited story. You’ll get even more help and feedback and it will help polish up any and every part of your story. Plus you’ll get insight and ideas you’ve never even thought of.
Of Queens and Clocks, Part I

Alright, I need to get the hell to bed, but before I do, here is my contribution to the WhiteTime fandom. It’s incomplete, in need of editing, and the formatting is assy, but I like it thus far. Don’t ask me where they are or what happened prior to this, because I don’t know. All I know is that I spent too much time on roleplay blogs (I’m looking at you, @whohasthetime and @mxrmoreal), developed feels, and then I had to get said feels out somehow. Enjoy! (Cover image by @mxrmoreal)

Mirana gently caressed Time’s cheek.

“I’m so sorry about my sister. It was beyond cruel, the way she treated you. You deserve better.”

Time avoided the monarch’s eyes.

“Thank you,” he whispered, praying that she couldn’t see the tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes. He was unused to being treated so kindly, and the pain of realizing Iracebeth’s complete disinterest in him was still all too real.

Mirana pulled a lacy handkerchief from her pocket and attempted to dry his tears, but her efforts were thwarted when Time raised a gloved hand and gently pushed her hand away. “Your kindness is appreciated, but unnecessary. I am fine.”

Mirana’s head tilted to one side and she raised an eyebrow. “I highly doubt that. Do you normally cry when you’re fine?”

Time scowled, taking the lacy handkerchief. “I am not crying. Whatever gave you that idea? I am Time himself, for God’s sake. I have never cried,” he muttered as he dabbed at his eyes. Seeing the look of utter skepticism on Mirana’s face, he hastily added (trying to suppress the tremor in his voice), “I just had something in my eyes. It is gone now.”

Mirana shook her head, clicking her tongue sympathetically.

“You know, you don’t have to keep up this brusque exterior. We’re alone. I won’t breathe a word of our conversation to anyone.”

Time noticed with a jolt of fear that his facade was rapidly crumbling and it was becoming much more difficult to keep his tears at bay. Since when was he so easily moved by some kind words from a pretty woman? Though, come to think of it, the Queen was a good deal more than pretty, with her marble-white skin, silvery hair,  dark eyes, and wine-colored lips…most would probably call her beautiful. Regardless, he was being pathetic.

So Iracebeth had left him after he’d outlasted his use to her. It wasn’t the first time someone had used him for their own ends, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Yes, he had genuinely cared for her, and yes, he had spent hours (poor things) lovingly crafting gifts she didn’t appreciate. Yes, she had been cold and unfeeling when he’d needed her most, but was it really worth all this nonsense? In the grand scheme of things, his relationship with Iracebeth barely registered as an event in time. It was, quite literally, but a drop in the ocean. The last thing he needed was to become…entangled with her possibly even more treacherous sister. Granted, Mirana seemed a good deal more pleasant than Iracebeth; she was quieter and more withdrawn (not unlike Time himself), treated her subjects (and Time’s seconds) with kindness, and she even smelled better than her sister; he caught a faint whiff of jasmine every time she moved her (thankfully normal-sized) head.

All the same, this had gone far enough. If she kept talking to him and looking at him like that…

Time’s lower lip began to wobble dangerously. Mirana’s brows knit together, the picture of heartfelt concern, and suddenly, Time was in her arms, tears tracking silently down his cheeks. His elaborate shoulder pads made it rather difficult for Mirana to properly embrace him, but she held him as best she could, gently patting him on the back.

“I loved her,” he sniffled into Mirana’s alabaster hair. “Why didn’t she love me? I tried so hard to make her happy, but it is impossible! She is…conwinced that no one loves her…”

Time fell silent, feeling stupid. None of it mattered now; it was done, and there was no changing it.

Mirana’s hand cradled the back of his head, carefully avoiding his gears.

“My sister is…selfish, immature, and struggles with impulse control. You are not to blame for how she treated you. Anyone else would be overwhelmed with joy at the prospect of such a devoted partner.”

Mirana seemed to realize that she’d said too much and abruptly shut her mouth.

Time wiped away a tear and raised a dark brow, lifting his head. His piercing blue eyes met her dark brown ones. What the hell was she playing at?

“Your Maj—er, Your Highness,” he whispered (wincing internally at almost using  Iracebeth’s preferred honorific), “what are you implying?”

Mirana’s heart skipped a beat. Dear God, how was she going to get out of this one?

“Ah—nothing! Merely that you…have a generous and loving nature which is lost on people like my sister. Objectively speaking, you’re quite the catch,” she tittered nervously, foot firmly in her mouth.

“Kind, loving, handsome…” Mirana stopped short, looking horrified as though she’d just accidentally uttered a vile curse word.

Time seemed to stand still, in both the figurative and the literal sense. The two of them stared at one another for what felt like an eternity until Time broke the agonizing silence.

“You think so?” he asked quietly.

Mirana nodded, feeling faintly numb.

Before she knew what was happening, she was leaning toward Time, caressing his face as she kissed him. To her surprise, he very tenderly and gently reciprocated. She wrapped one arm more securely around his back, caressing his head with her other hand.

As they kissed, Time drank in the pervasive scent of jasmine that seemed to cling to Mirana’s entire being. He’d never imagined that he would find himself in this type of situation, especially not so soon after his relationship (if he could even call it that) with Iracebeth. Iracebeth had never kissed him; in fact, she seemed utterly disgusted by the idea. And yet, here her sister was, stroking his hair as she gently applied her lips to his!

Things I Dislike: FFXIV Edition

Warning: Long post. Personal things I’ve experienced that I decided to make a list over.

  • “It’s easy content, we can ignore mechanics”
  • “Learning party no bonus pls”
  • Astrologians that insist on Nocturnal when paired with a scholar
  • Berserk macros that need to include a 10 second countdown to pacification (and inform you every second)
  • Bringing drama from another game to harass someone on XIV.
  • Cleric stance discourse
  • DPS that won’t move from AoEs because “Muh stacks”
  • Drama llamas.
  • Error 2002
  • Error 90K
  • Getting Rick Rolled by a tinyurl in someone’s search info (This one’s funny)
  • Getting to a timed node at the last few seconds and being unable to gather from it
  • Groups that insist on one-tanking Bismarck EX
  • Groups that insist that you should give the loot you won to someone who’s been here longer/played longer than you, or that you should split the profit you earned from something you sold.
  • Guildhoppers that try to loot all they can from an FC chest before leaving to find their next target
  • Healers below the ilevel for content like Creator who make a PF group to bypass the ilevel limit for the sake of getting carried
    • Who insist that they’re a really good healer, even if their gear is lousy.
      • Spoiler: You aren’t good enough for this content. You need to be able to output heals in damage-intensive fights. The ilevel limit isn’t some conspiracy to ‘keep your great heals out’.
  • Healers in PotD talking about how great it is that they can not pay attention and just cast regens and AFK and not even worry, while the group wipes because they spent all this time talking instead of healing.
  • Healers that don’t have swiftcast
  • Healers that sit in cleric stance and never heal while the raid wipes
  • Healers that WILL NOT HEAL SOMEONE IN THE GROUP BECAUSE THEIR CHARACTER’S SKIN COLOR IS DARK???
  • Joining a Prae/Castrum group for cutscene viewing and having that one person that skips them anyway and runs ahead to start/pull everything.
  • Linkshells that advertise themselves as open-minded but are extremely hive-minded.
    • Especially those that will invite someone in and prey on them to get as much use from them as they can before discarding them.
  • Lootmaster farm parties that leave after they get their bird/drop.
  • Losing a roll on something by 1, 2, or 3
    • Especially when that something’s a pony or music scroll
    • Or minion
  • Machinists spamming blank shot whenever they can with multiple melee DPS in the party
  • Ninjas that goad casters.
  • Non-tanks that start the countdown timer
  • Offensive names that people try to get away with and curse people out over when they think they might be reported.
  • People that aggro something to drop an AoE on others trying to gather from an unspoiled node
    • Especially after already starting to gather.
  • People that cancel a countdown timer without reason
  • People that criticize a DPS for pulling aggro instead of advising the tank to use flash more than once in a pull.
  • People that die from/get hit by the same mechanics in a fight you’ve been doing for 2 hours, and insist things are fine/it’s unavoidable.
  • People that harass others for ERP because their tumblr contains NSFW content.
    • Or who harass others for any kind of RP, period.
  • People that spam, and I mean SPAM, 15 line macros/macros with a sound effect on every line/macros with 15 sound effects on every line.
  • People that try to run Expert/60 dungeons while not having any of their job quest skills from 50 - 60
  • People that try to vote abandon at the last boss of an instance because others are expecting a readycheck.
  • People that try to votekick someone from a duty finder group because the person didn’t agree to pass on loot they’ve been “trying to get all morning”.
  • People who won’t accept the res and insist that the rest of the party ‘carry them’.
  • Pulling far too many adds in a dungeon that syncs your ilevel down.
  • Pulling the boss before all the alliance groups are in the boss area.
  • Pulling the boss while someone’s disconnected, despite the group telling everyone this.
  • Retainers bringing back fish
    • NO I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR CHUB AGAIN PUT IT AWAY
  • RMT bots
  • Scholars that literally go on follow and let their fairy heal in level 35+ dungeons
  • Spiteful people that loot FC chests/kick people/break down airships/steal what they can from a Free Company before they leave on bad terms.
    • It’s one thing to move them to a rank that limits things before they leave. It’s another thing to punish every other member for their behavior or suspected behavior over one person.
  • Tanks not using cooldowns, especially for tankbusters or heavy damage phases/attacks/mechanics.
  • Tanks that insist DPS stances are necessary for their damage output (as MT)
  • Tanks that start the timer and pull 4+ seconds before it finishes
  • Tanks that stay out of dampening fields because “I’m 60, this is 50 content, gigaflare can’t kil-”
  • Tanks that won’t run into healer fields, at all.
  • Tanks wasting the LB that could have either saved the group from a wipe, or been saved for a caster LB pull next attempt.
  • Tanks without provoke
  • THAT ONE DPS THAT NEVER HITS [ACCEPT] WHEN THE QUEUE POPS
  • The uselessness of the Blacklist feature in some regards
    • Can’t stop people from stalking you
    • Can’t prevent you getting queued with someone on your blacklist
    • Doesn’t remove you from their friends list.
      • All it does is prevent you from seeing/hearing from them. It doesn’t stop them from hounding you, or trying to harass/stalk you. It could be so much better.
  • UNDERCUTTERS / Market Board Crashers
    • If you undercut by 1 - 500 gil (based on item’s value), fine. But if you go “hey, that glamour prism is selling for about 7.5K each minimum, let’s drop it to 2300 in 100 stacks of 1 and 2″, please. Just don’t. 
  • Wiping multiple times from tanks failing to swap properly, who then blame the DPS ‘but forgive them’. 
  • Wiping once and then leaving/trying to abandon.