but come on guys this is hilarious

anonymous asked:

Oh yeah that is! *comes back and kisses Alphys then magically Teleports to hiding place* there that's better

Most creative ask ever. :B

No worries guys, it’s just Sans behind anon~ Cuz he used teleportation. :D lol still hilarious. x’DD That was a good impreSANS, actually.

3

George Bush trying to put on a rain mac was the only part of the Inauguration worth watching

alright but listen, just listen, hypothetically if lotor was the galra from the weblum, how hilarious would it be if he was just deadass convinced that he owed a life debt to keith???? like can we please just talk about a ridiculous s3 in which the big bad is actually just like “hard pass, this guy saved my life, not gonna kill him” or, maybe life debts are a big deal in galra culture and so lotor physically can’t be the one to take out voltron because it would involve killing keith in the process. i mean can you imagine how hilarious it would be to have to explain to galra generals that, sorry, their prince can’t come to the battlefield right now because the mullet guy pulled him out of a small intestine once

Be My Boyfriend

[ao3]

“Dean, be my boyfriend!” Castiel hissed.

Dean’s attention was pulled away from Charlie (who snorted into her drink) when Castiel grabbed his arm.

“Uh,” Dean said, feeling like he was missing out on some vital information. Castiel’s wide eyes were a little too bright and his cheeks were flushed with pink, indicating that he was probably a little bit drunk, though that still didn’t help clear up the situation.

“Come here!” Castiel dragged Dean by the arm across the crowded room until they stood in front of a short brunette who Dean thought was named Meg. Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist and squeezed him to his side.

“I told you!” he told Meg triumphantly. “I have a boyfriend!”

Meg looked Dean up and down incredulously. “You’re dating Dean Winchester?”

Starting to catch on, Dean put a possessive arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “Yeah, he is. Got a problem with that?”

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Abracadabra! You're pulling the rabbit out of where?!?!

Not really a fuck anybody but a positive story that I really wanted to share with you all. It’s a bit long but worth it. TLDR at the end.

I have 2 rabbits. I was told they were both female. They are not. Now I have 11 baby rabbits. One of the babies is quite a bit smaller than the others and he had squirmed out of the nest so he was really cold and stiff when I checked on him this morning. I was running late for work so I grabbed him and tucked him inside my bra to try and warm him up and then I forgot about him.

I got to work and was talking to my manager when all of a sudden the rabbit woke up. He stopped mid sentence and said “Did your boobs just squeak?” And he just looked so alarmed it was hilarious. So I explained why I had a squeaky baby rabbit stuffed down my shirt and then he called all of my coworkers over to come see the baby and we all had a good laugh.

He said that I could keep the baby with me while I was on register so I bought some kitten formula and a dropper and fed it whenever it got noisy. Animals are allowed in the store so nobody minded.

All day long customers would see my shirt randomly squirm and I’d show them the baby and they’d laugh. One guy saw me pat my boobs and say “Calm down I just fed you, you’re fine.” And he just looked so confused. 😂😂My manager said that if it survives it can be our unofficial store mascot and come to work with me everyday. It was pretty much my best shift ever.

TLDR: I freaked a bunch of people out with my boob rabbit. 🐰🐰

daemoninwhiteround2  asked:

your Voltron headcanons are amazing and hilarious and a gift to this world

once again i’m in awe that my gift to humanity is shitposts

  • “where’s pidge” “i don’t know probably planking on a robot or something”
  • lance is a treasure trove of very specific and random skill sets that come in handy at very specific and random moments
    • one time he goes undercover as a circus performer and manages to distract the bad guys long enough for the team to stage a whole prison break by juggling for half an hour straight
    • can totally pick locks with bobby pins
    • king of limbo, once avoided death by lasers by shimmying under them
  • “oh my god guys guys if keith were a superhero he’d be the sandman. get it. get it because he lived in the deser-”
  • keith and lance use the buddy system whenever they have to walk through the castle because they still don’t trust it not to kill them and there’s strength in numbers shut up pidge
  • not that either party knows this but hunk can deadlift more than zarkon
  • allura’s vibe is “don’t fuck with me” while shiro’s is “you could pour soup in my lap and i’d probably apologize to you”
  • *in the middle of a fight* pidge: “tag yourself i’m that galra guy who just straight up ran away when he saw us“
    • lance: “i’m the ship that just blew up”
    • hunk: “i’m the cold, crushing void of space”
    • coran: “can you kids lighten up a little???”
Jeff gets jealous after the two of you play spin the bottle

Originally posted by bluerangerpower

Request: “could u do a jeff atkins imagine where u guys are at a party w everyone else and he’s really cute w u and everyones playing spin the bottle and it lands on someone else, u can take it from there!“ 


You and Hannah were at Jessica’s party. Hannah decided she wanted to come because Clay invited her. Although it took some encouraging on your part for her to finally give in. You’ve been trying to set Hannah up with Clay since what seems like forever but she’s stubborn most of the times, claiming he "doesn’t like her that way”. 

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au prompt, keith and lance are in the same class (maybe at the garrison, or maybe another college) and maybe keith is kind of this quiet guy never really talks in class and lance kind of gives him a glance but the class is boring and it’s more fun talking shit with pidge and hunk, the teacher has given up on getting the class to focus so he just gives the assignments and is like fuck if i care

anyway one of the final projects is giving a presentation in front of the class and when it’s keiths turn no one is paying attention not even the teacher is giving a fuck but this stupid presentation is fucking timed so keith just starts talking stupid shit that has nothing to do with the assignment like “the moon landing was faked” or “professor iverson is secretly a lizard man and will kill us as a final exam” and other nonsense cuz why the hell not? no ones listening

except for lance who got stuck at a table at the front and he was really dreading having to sit through these boring presentations but now he’s trying not to laugh cuz holy shit this guy is hilarious

and lance comes up to keith to tell him he liked it but keith is just embarrassed cuz fuck fuck fucking fuck this cute boy listenex to his crap and he books it to lance’s confusion

nurseydex/zimbits fic prompt

someone should write this because I can’t get over how hilarious this would be. i basically just wrote the whole thing in bullet-point format, but if anyone with actual storytelling abilities wants to tackle this, i’d love you forever

  • okay so bitty’s senior year, the only friends left on smh that he hangs out with regularly are chowder, nursey and dex
  • chowder is obviously his favorite because bitty took chowder under his wing and now they’re best buds, but chowder has caitlin, so it’s not like he’s there to hang 24/7
  • he and nursey are friends, but they don’t really hang out by themselves a whole lot
  • we know that dex likes helping bitty cook and bake from tweets, sketches, and extras (remember hausgiving?)
  • so during bitty’s senior year, dex spends a lot of time in the kitchen helping him bake and hanging out with him
  • maybe also to talk about his crush on how much he can’t stand nursey
  • anyways, bitty is out of the closet so the newest frogs are probably aware that he’s gay, and also aware of samwell’s reputation (1 in 4 or maybe more)
  • they come by the haus a lot and see dex helping bitty bake, and bitty constantly calling dex “honey” or “sweetheart” (because that’s just how bitty is as a person)
  • what do they make of this?
  • obviously dex and bitty are dating

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((I don’t know if this has been done, so if it has please tell me.))

So I’ve seen a lot of those ‘Humans are Space Orcs’ posts and I think those are really cool, but unnoticed they all consist of one thing: humans traveling with the aliens.

So there are a lot of ways you can do that, right? You could go all Star Trek and make it to where the humans and aliens all live together in harmony and travel space together and things like that. But I have a different idea and I think it’s pretty cool.

So humans don’t really know aliens exist. Obviously you have your conspiracy theorists and loons and the occasional 'abducted’ person, but for the most part it’s just generally accepted that aliens are fun and all, but they’re not /real/.

And then there’s this kid. He/she/they don’t really have a happy life, but they can’t really do anything about it. You can make them whatever you want, have any or of disorder or disability or just make them an angsty teen that comes from an unhappy home. They want to leave, but they’re too young, so they have to stay.

Then of course, the aliens come. But instead of crap like Independence Day (I say crap in a loving way, the movie was pretty good and I like it), the aliens just take one look at the kid, pick them up, and leave. That’s it. Nothing else. Just take the kid and go.

Of course the kid is terrified at first, but after like the first day or so they calm down because the aliens are treating them like gosh-darn royalty. They put the kid up in the nicest room on the ship, give them the best food they can muster from their rations, and provide for any kind of entertainment the kid might want. It’s like paradise, and the kid is happier than they’ve been in a while.

So the kid travels with these aliens on all sorts of cool adventures and throughout this period is when we get the 'Humans are Space Orcs’ discoveries. Like the kid will go up to random giant furry beasts and just glomp them and coo at them while the aliens are like “No that’s deadly it will kill you oh my god what is this kid doing?!?!” Or, if the kid has a uterus, come time for their period the aliens freak out because “Oh holy shmarda, the child is bleeding!! Why is the child bleeding?!” Hilarious antics and shenanigans ensue and the child is so happy with their new life that they never want to go back home.

Also included: drama when the aliens return to earth to find a human companion for the child (even though they didn’t ask for one you guys don’t have to do this really it’s fine) and the parents of the kid demand they be returned immediately. The kid doesn’t want to go back of course so the aliens have to fight for custody over the kid in court (I guess idk but something along those lines. Maybe the humans try to kill the aliens because the kid was “abducted” and that causes a lot of angst and problems.).

Idk just something that’s been floating about in my imagination for a while. I think it would be a really cool show though tbh like someone hire me.

I started this fight, I'll end this fight

Context; This is this campaign’s first session, and we have to escort a Caravan to a nearby city. Our party consists of a Gunslinger (a Tiefling, played by me), a Bladedancer (another Tiefling), a Barbarian (yet anther Tiefling), a Bard (a Dragonborn), a Wizard (an Elf), and a Cleric (a Catfolk). We stopped in a clearing in a forest, and my character was first up for watch duty.

DM: Alright, roll me a perception check.

Me: [rolls a 9]

Bard: (OOC) We’re all gonna die.

Me: Hey, if we get ambushed I have the excuse that my guy grew up in a city and that he doesn’t know shite about the forest!

DM: Speaking of which, roll me another perception check.

Me: [rolls an 18] Oh, sweet.

DM: As you listen to the sounds of the forest, you hear rustling in the trees around the clearing, and through the darkness you see bandits in the branches of the trees.

Me: I’m gonna shoot one. And wake up the entire camp doing so, because these pistols are loud as fuck.

DM: Alright, roll me an attack.

Me: [Rolls a Nat20] holy shit.

DM: … Well, that’s.. That’s just something straight out of a movie. You sit with your back to them, with your eyes closed, but you suddenly turns and shoot one of them straight between the eyes, and he falls out of the tree with a ‘thump’. The sound of a gunshot wakes the entire camp up, and the two goblins and driver hide in the trees away from the Bandits.

[Skip to the end of the fight. Every bandit except for one is dead]

Me: Alright I’m gonna move move closer and shoot this guy.

DM: Roll me an attack then.

Me: [Rolls a Nat20] Holy shit, not again!

Dm: [starts laughing] Holy shit— I– The bandit turns to run, and right as he does that you shoot him in the back of the head, and the bullet comes out the other end through his forehead. He slumps into the grass, dead.

Me: I can’t believe this. I started this fight with a Nat20, and I ended it with a Nat20.

Barbarian: (OOC) [barely stifling laughter] Oh my god. That is hilarious.

My experiences with the signs

Aries: My best friends tend to be Aries but somehow the friendships end as easily as they started. Supportive and always down to hang out. If they aren’t loud, they still have a presence. Likes to appear confident no matter their self-esteem. Really determined to get what they want.

Taurus: Low-maintenance friendships. The friend that’s always there even if you haven’t spoken in months or years. Does their own thing and cares about their own comfort above all else. Actually chill but can get really mad. Into DIY/domestic hobbies.

Gemini: Almost too talkative for their own good. Says dumb stuff but is actually pretty smart. Problems with being genuine because they’re so scattered. Just wants to be well-liked.

Cancer: MOODY. If you can put up with their ups and downs, they’ll keep you close. Clingy but somehow also pushes you away. Wants to appear tough, but is actually really soft on the inside (like a crab!). If they’re out of their shell, they can be super goofy. Doesn’t let anything go.

Leo: Has a bunch of friends and hobbies to keep them busy. Likes to make people laugh. Ambitious individuals. People always know who they are. Probably going to end up famous.

Virgo: Another sign I tend to be best friends with. But they have no problem cutting you off and not giving you a reason why. Hard-working and always looks put-together. You can hang out with them all the time and still know nothing about them.

Libra: There’s probably a Libra talking about you behind your back right now. But it’s not always in a malicious way. Likes being social but can be cold. Uses words to manipulate things in their favor. Says they hate drama but always ends up in the middle of it.

Scorpio: You definitely want a Scorpio on your side. You’re either everything or nothing to them. If a Scorpio cares about you, they’ll do anything for you. If they don’t, they’ll have no problem being the bad guy. Doesn’t trust anyone. Always has a plan. Behind their intensity, they have a good sense of humor. 

Sagittarius: Obnoxious and likes it that way. Bold personality that says whatever’s on their mind even if it makes others uncomfortable. Loves to party and get drunk. Serious when it comes to school and work.

Capricorn: Hard on themselves for no apparent reason. Often doubts what people say. Realistic on the edge of pessimistic. Occasionally emotional. Has good taste and sense of style.

Aquarius: True friends. I almost always get along with Aquariuses. Hilarious and smart but doesn’t even try to be. Quiet but good conversation-holders. Minds their own business and expects others to. Sometimes low-key shady though. They’re scarily good at lying. Has a weird variety of interests.

Pisces: Always passionate about something. Big dreamers. Stabs you in the back but you won’t even see it coming because they put on a friendly front. Highly sensitive and feels victimized even if they are responsible. Messy in every aspect but considers it artistic.  

Suit and Tie

Written for: @gaybybirth 

Summary: Bucky is your date for a dinner party and you two sneak off to have some fun of your own 

A/N: Whew, this was a long one. I wrote this for one of my fav blogs and honestly I’ve had the worst writer’s block but this was so fun!! I’ll be getting out other requests soon :) Also please send me things!

Warnings: Bucky in a suit goddamn, Dom!Bucky, metal hand kink, fingering, oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (no babies here; wrap it up kids)

Word Count: 3.6k+

Originally posted by fvckmxk

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shawnalovesanimeutgfmore  asked:

Coming out/ revealing that they were in a relationship fics?

This fic rec is also for @go-to-helvetica who also requested some stories where Harry and Draco out their relationship to their friends/the public. Hope you guys enjoy! 

  • Being a Master at Ignoring the Obvious - by sockpuppet82 (4k)
    “Look,” he said, pointing somewhere behind Malfoy’s head. “Something expensive.” Ron’s a fellow master at ignoring the obvious, Hermione’s easy to distract, and Draco…Harry’s not sure if Draco’s just humouring him, or really really dense
    (An absolutely hilarious story where Harry distracts his friends so they don’t find out about him and Malfoy. Harry is such a tease, Ron and Hermione are so hopelessly oblivious and Draco wishes Harry had a better sense in fashion. A really good read just for the laughs!)

  • The One Where Ron and Hermione Find OutEruditeWitch (13k)
    When Harry is injured, the secret is out. Will their relationship last such a startling revelation?
    (The love between Harry and Draco is so strong and lovely. Summary says it all tbh)

  • Secrets - by Vorabiza (395k)
    Beginning with Draco’s unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry’s summer after sixth year becomes filled with activity and many secrets. As his summer progresses, Harry generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side
    (A total classic! It has one of the best plots I’ve ever seen, and the Drarry relationship is so realistic. The long length of the fic won’t matter because time will honestly fly when you’re reading it!)

  • 5 times Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter weren’t dating (and 1 time they definitely were) - by Ingi (6k)
    These times, at Hogwarts, the most asked question is “Are Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy dating?” The answer is usually no, until it isn’t.
    (This story had me giggling like a madman! It’s where everyone (and I mean everyone) think Harry and Draco are dating, but the two boys are fervently denying that they’re not. Such a fun read!)

  • All Our Secrets Laid Bare - by firethesound (149k)
    Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on. 
    (Draco and Harry are assigned to be auror partners and violate about 17 ministry laws when they start secretly dating. Oh well, when has Harry ever cared for rules anyway?)

  • Love, Secrets, and Quidditch - by ElectricBlueLilies (1k)
    “‘Potter, you oaf.’ He grumbled to himself.
    They were supposed to be keeping their relationship a secret, for obvious reasons, but then again, the Golden Boy could never do anything subtly, could he.”
    (This is such a lighthearted and cute story! Basically summary says all, but it truly was adorable)

  • Right Hand Red - by lumosed_quill (73k)
    Harry felt Malfoy’s breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory.
    Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.
    Malfoy felt inevitable.
    (Loved every minute of this fic! If you haven’t read this story, then you’re honestly missing out on so much! The high levels of UST will kill you, but don’t worry our boys later fix it ;) It has party games that help Harry and Draco progress in their relationship. And the art! Oh my god the art that accompanies this story is brilliant!)

  • Everybody’s Secret - by leontina (3k)
    Harry and Draco are both professors at Hogwarts, and in a relationship with each other. They think they’re doing a good job keeping it secret — they’re not.
    (This is such a cute, funny and adorably fluffy fic! There’s so many hilarious moments and scenes, you’ll definitely love reading it!)

  • I’ll Tell You A Secret (Just Don’t Tell) - by nerakrose (18k)
    Harry and Draco are living a fairly normal life with a fairly normal relationship, except for the part where it’s, well, secret.
    (Harry and Draco have been in a secret relationship for 4 years - and then the secret suddenly gets out…whoops? Draco as a model is the best thing ever. Oh, and I also loved how realistic Harry and Draco’s relationship was. Pure perfection!)

  • Hiding with The Silk Shirts - by attackonomelas (5k)
    Five years in a secret relationship is enough. Draco and Harry come to the realization that they have to come out.
    (I was instantly hooked right from the start with this fic! Everything I could ever need was in this fic - 8th year, banter and a snarky Draco. It’s an amazingly hilarious story!)

  • You blew your cover for what?! - by la_choo (melonbutterfly) (3k)
    Draco gets almost killed, Snape is pissed, and somehow in this whole mess a rather shocking secret is revealed.
    (This was incredibly sweet! Honestly, there’s nothing more to this story than to say it’s the sweetest thing ever!!)

  • 9 times Harry kissed Draco and the 1 time Draco kissed Harry - by  LockWhoSuper (4k)
    “Harry grinned, Draco fell into his trap perfectly. Surging forwards, Harry wrapped his fingers around Draco’s tie and pulled him forwards until their lips met over their cauldron. The pressure lasted for three seconds, Harry’s eyes shut and Draco’s wide in surprise. When Harry let Draco go, he slid back into his seat slowly, eyes still wide, tie crooked and a blush painting his cheeks.”
    (You’ll be suffocating in fluff if you read this fic! Harry doesn’t like it when Draco swears, so he kisses him whenever he does. Ugh, it was just too cute <3)
nursey week day 1 - silence

Nursey hadn’t prepared for how weird this would feel. He only played with Jack for one year, after all. He shouldn’t be that weirded out by seeing him across the ice during warm-ups. He is, though, and he’s not quite sure why. Maybe it’s because Jack was his first real captain, or maybe Jack had pretty much become synonymous with NHL for Nursey these past three years. Like playing Jack makes it official, like he’s really in the big leagues now.

He’s more nervous than he’d like to admit.

Jack talks to him a little during warm-ups, both of them standing at center ice. It’s mostly terrible chirps on Jack’s end and then a weird, tense moment where Jack had said “Welcome to the show, Nursey,” and patted him on the back and Nursey had to remember that he’s not supposed to cry on the ice, especially before the game even starts.

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9

Face Casting: Miles Heizer as Noah Czerny (thanks anon!!!)

“Noah made a rude gesture, a hilariously unthreatening act coming from him, like a growl from a kitten.”

The Old College Try (Lin/Reader roommate AU)

Summary: You spent the summer before your freshman year of college thinking your roommate was going to be a girl named Lin. When you get to campus, that’s not what you find.

Part One: In which there are rooming assignment mishaps, salsa dancing, and Lunchables.  

You can find Part Two here!

You can find Part Three here!

Note: Write-a-thon Day 1! This can probably stand alone, but I’m tentatively calling it Part 1 out of 3. College!Lin is hard to walk away from, and I have plans for him.

Rating: T

Words: 2803

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  • lance: why don't you go hang out with your ~girlfriend~ keith >:s
  • keith, confused: lance im gay
  • pidge: lance he's gay
  • shiro: lance he's gay
  • the mice: lance he's gay
  • coran: lance he's gay
  • allura: lance IM GAY
  • zarkon: lance he's gay
  • haggar: NO GAYS IN MY SPACE NOPE HOMOSEXUALITY IS FAKE AF YALL AINT COMING NEAR THIS EMPIRE
  • lance: lance you're bi

Have you guys heard of the saying that quiet people know more about you than you think because they listen to their surroundings?  I’ve had this crazy crack theory that Gorilla secretly knows what goes on in the Agreste household.

  • He supports Adrien as Chat Noir because he knows the kid needs the break.
  • He is one of Chat’s biggest fans and has his merchandise.
  • One night, Plagg was hankering for some cheese and snuck down to the kitchen.  Gorilla caught him.  Plagg freaked out until he realized Gorilla was holding some camembert out to him.  Since then, they’ve become midnight snack buddies.
  • If Gabriel really is Hawkmoth, he knows it.  He doesn’t support it, but what is he going to do?  Just protect this idiot until he comes to his senses.

There was a hilarious fan comic where Nathalie found out all of this (with the addition of Adrien’s mom as the peacock) and it was suggested that Gorilla already knew, so at least one other person had the same idea. Where am I getting this from?  Let me direct your attention to the ML “L'Imposteur (Copycat)” episode.

Gorilla (does this guy have an actual name?) is driving Adrien back to the school to get his phone when a news report says that Chat Noir has stolen the Mona Lisa.  They pull up in front of the school and Adrien huffs out of the car.

He left the door wide open.  I wonder how many times he’s mumbled to himself about cat-themed superheroes within earshot of Gorilla.  This time, he’s yelling about how the thief is a terrible fake and is not Chat Noir.  With the damned door still wide open and within steps of his driver.

Seconds later, Chat Noir lands behind the car.  There was NO ONE ELSE on that street.  And there’s your boy Chat Noir just jumping off of the school building right behind you, after your charge just barreled out of the car literally yelling about him.  Gorilla didn’t even change expression.

(The weather report is JUST that important, guys.)

Some time later (taking into account the trip to the Louvre, running from the cops, catching the bad guy, etc.), Chat reappears and lands on the trunk of the car.  Gorilla notices that one.

(I have to buff that out.  I’m gonna have to talk to Plagg about this shit.)

Almost IMMEDIATELY after Chat Noir shows back up, there’s Adrien.

Adrien: I didn’t find my phone :( :( :(

Gorilla: *thinking* Maybe if you’d looked… -_-


The conclusion is that I know Gorilla’s character is probably just supposed to be there for comic relief, but I like to think he’s more in-depth than the viewers are led to believe.  


Bonus:

Also, can we talk about this guy??

(Look kids, it’s Chat Noir!!!)

(Oh noes!!!1!!)

The dad’s face stays like that after the copy cat steals the painting.

WTF?!

(This is bad quality but that is not the point)

HOLD UP
*Antonyms of Slytherin*
-Friendly
-Open
-Optimistic
-Accepting
-Warm
-Mellow
-Reserved
-Laid-back
-Kind

Excuse me?
I’m about to disprove every single one of these so make a cup of tea and get ready.

1) Friendly 

You can’t just dismiss ¼ of wizards and witched as ‘unfriendly’ simply because of a stereotype. Since when did being ambitious and being friendly become mutually exclusive? Yes, there are some Slytherins who are particular assholes, but what about other houses? You’re saying that in Gryffindor, a house that values bravery and all around cockiness people were always friendly? As well as that, the house that is known for valuing kindness is Hufflepuff. Are you saying that Hufflepuff and Slytherin are opposites? Yes, the people who make up those houses have very different personalities, but as always, there is some overlay, or Slytherpuffs would not exist. For example, Narcissa Black was almost sorted into Hufflepuff because of her fierce loyalty towards her family. Kindness is a basic human emotion, missing only in the mind of psychopaths, which is not the word I would use to describe Regulus, Slughorn, and the great Merlin himself.

2)Open

So practically ¾ of Hogwarts hates Slytherin and believes them to be heartless monsters, but it surprises you that they don’t seem open? Okay, Slytherins tend to hide their emotions from most people, but within a Slytherin’s small group of friends they will not hesitate to tell them everything, because unlike some other houses, a secret stays a secret. This is one of the words I could potentially agree with as I have found myself closing off from other people when I do not want to burden them, but my best friend knows everything about me as we keep no secrets from each other, something former members from the Gryffindor house (dumbledore) could not say, having kept a certain boy-who-lived’s inescapable early death from him for more than 7 years.

3) Optimistic

Yeah, okay I can see where the author of this is coming from with this one

4)Accepting

Okay we need to stop using common traits of Hufflepuff as antonyms for Slytherin! If there is one thing Slytherins are not accepting of then it’s bigoted behavior because “everyone else may think we’re evil but we will not sink to meet their expectations.”

5) Warm

Just because Slytherins will not pour their heart out to anyone who knows them doesn’t mean they are soulless. Slytherins may act distant from the other houses, but why would they have any reason to share their feelings with anyone who thinks that they are evil? We always know what to say to our closest friends, and have such big hearts for those willing to put in effort to try and find out.

6) Mellow

Okay so Slytherins may not be the most mellow, but like hell any non-slytherins would know, because if anything, we are good appearing calm and collected, but simmering with rage and hatred beneath the surface. Also, just because we fight fight for what we want instead of just waiting for the opportunity to fall into our lap doesn’t mean we’re hotheads.

7) Reserved

Slytherin’s may voice their opinion when they think something is wrong, because someone needs to speak out, however only if we think it will give any impact, or benefit. If someone acting really homophobic, of course we will tell them to sit the fuck down and rethink their priorities, but if you do so every day, it will lose its effect. We pick and choose our battles.

8) Laid-back

Laid-back is definitely something that comes with age. If you look at the first year Slytherins, then yes, you could say that they are not at all laid back, stressing until 2am about a homework due the next day. However as they get older, the fucks being given get less and less, until eventually they have perfected the art of needing a constant base layer of stress to function, and can therefore relax and not think about their fast-approaching essay due date until the night before, whereas a hufflepuff is running up and down the library halls with stress. You see, every house procrastinates, but it takes talent to be able to relax while putting off work.

9) Kind

This is the last one, and I believe the worst. Yes, may protect their emotions, but that doesn’t mean we are not kind. it is about time that people stop predicting our entire personality on Severus Snape, a guy most Slytherins didn’t even like, just pretended to because duh, extra credit. Please stop dismissing us as unkind, just because we have a slightly cruel (but admittedly hilarious) sense of humor, or occasionally enjoy intimidating people. Everyone knows this can be fun, we’re just the only house to admit it. These small things aside, just because we are not kind to you, does not mean we are without kindness, it just means we didn’t think you were worth being kind too, especially if you come up with this sort of bullshit list and all of your prejudices.

That was all my fellow slytherins x