but come on guys this is hilarious

it has hit me that Yakov is a single father with 4 adoptive children that include:

eldest son, pride of the family, set the standard and now everyone else is fucked (except in the memory department cause everyone is better than him there), ran away with his Japanese boyfriend and their dog, family kinda coming around for the guy cause he is cool though.

second son, always compared to the first, more in tune with feelings than the eldest one but so much so that he becomes total mess when sad, takes breakups badly, likely a sad drunk, still happy that the big bro has a cool boyfriend though

the only girl, is closest with her younger bro, stronger than any of the boys and they are proud of her, takes breakups better than second bro, wants to know your personal life, props bi, looks more fashionable than you is regular work out clothes

youngest child, mom’s favorite as well as grandpa’s favorite, is angry all the time (unless grandpa is there), knows their new brother in-law the best and hates admitting he likes the guy, only seems to love cats (maybe too much), gains motivation out of spite, wants to surpass his eldest bro and is on his way to do so, talented af but boy can that arrogance be a bitch

bonus:

surprise son in-law that Yakov was like, the last person to know about, warming up to the guy though, only person capable of dealing with eldest son’s bs, probs makes good Katsudon for everyone, too pure for them to hate him at the end of the day, same name as youngest son, not very good with Russian but he tries

daemoninwhiteround2  asked:

your Voltron headcanons are amazing and hilarious and a gift to this world

once again i’m in awe that my gift to humanity is shitposts

  • “where’s pidge” “i don’t know probably planking on a robot or something”
  • lance is a treasure trove of very specific and random skill sets that come in handy at very specific and random moments
    • one time he goes undercover as a circus performer and manages to distract the bad guys long enough for the team to stage a whole prison break by juggling for half an hour straight
    • can totally pick locks with bobby pins
    • king of limbo, once avoided death by lasers by shimmying under them
  • “oh my god guys guys if keith were a superhero he’d be the sandman. get it. get it because he lived in the deser-”
  • keith and lance use the buddy system whenever they have to walk through the castle because they still don’t trust it not to kill them and there’s strength in numbers shut up pidge
  • not that either party knows this but hunk can deadlift more than zarkon
  • allura’s vibe is “don’t fuck with me” while shiro’s is “you could pour soup in my lap and i’d probably apologize to you”
  • *in the middle of a fight* pidge: “tag yourself i’m that galra guy who just straight up ran away when he saw us“
    • lance: “i’m the ship that just blew up”
    • hunk: “i’m the cold, crushing void of space”
    • coran: “can you kids lighten up a little???”

I, for one, think it’s hilarious that Reigen, a relatively normal guy who breaks some minor laws every day, has a friend group that consists of 3 psychic middle schoolers, an occasionally evil spirit, and an awkward but nice guy he met who worked for an evil cult trying to take over the world. Said guy attacked them with an umbrella. Reigen just rolls with all of this and is somehow in charge most of the time bc hes usually the most mature one in the room. He will protect all of them (except dimple when he’s being a jerk) even if most of his attacks consist of “distract the enemy with fake powers, then run away, throw salt in their eyes, or punch them in the face” his most effective attack strategy apparently is to yell at the bad guys until they feel so bad about themselves that they give up. How has his life become like this. His mom wants him to get a real job.

Okay, but a Jack and Gabe who knew something was fishy from the beginning of Overwatch. So they staged their separation to see if the bad guys would come knocking on their door. But fighting infiltration was a losing game, so they staged their accidents because it would collapse Overwatch and let the good people get out before it was too late.

Now Gabe is the inside man infiltrating the organization, and Jack has the freedom to focus solely on tracking down the bad guys. Gabe has actually been slowly starting to disintegrate for years because of the SEP. Jack’s scars were because of Gabe’s plan fucking up, and he doesn’t let his boyfriend forget it.

Gabe thinks it’s hilarious that Sombra still hasn’t figured out his ‘Reaper’ persona isn’t genuine. Kid is too fond of her own theatrics to suspect Gabriel’s.

Jack thinks it’s hilarious that Winston hasn’t caught on that he’s been feeding Athena information through old command codes.

Just - sneaky dads taking on the world together. (They get found out when Reaper kills the Talon agent about to put a bullet in Jack’s head. Jack insists he has everything under control. Sombra is in tears that Gabe pulled one over on her. Winston is not pleased that Widowmaker and Sombra come with Gabe when he returns. Widowmaker is a peanut butter thief.)

It's not over yet guys
  • Trump hasn't won anything. This thing is far from over. Until December 19th comes and goes, nothing is set in stone which means we still have time to change things, even after then. Now is NOT the time for hostility toward each other and violence and segregation. NOW IS THE TIME TO FIGHT BACK WITH EVERYTHING WE HAVE INSIDE OF US. Donald Trump is not in charge yet. He's not the president. And he's not going to be if we have anything to do with it.
  • So take this time to stand up.
  • ⚫PROTEST!!!
  • ⚫Write into higher officials explaining your displeasure.
  • ⚫Write and push a petition.
  • ⚫Virtually protest by posting on social media.
  • ⚫ Vote blue on every minor election there is.
  • ⚫Basically give him so much objection that our voices become louder than theirs.
  • ⚫DO NOT let him become normalized.
  • This is SO important.
  • And most importantly, support each other in this time of separation.
  • ⚫Donate to Planned Parenthood
  • ⚫Donate to the Trevor Project
  • ⚫Donate to any organization who is going to be negatively affected by this election.
  • ⚫Protest in large groups, not alone. Stay safe.
  • ⚫Sign petitions opposing Trump.
  • ⚫Don't lash out. Don't spread hatred, violence or negativity. We don't need that.
  • ⚫DON'T HIDE. If you are in a minority group, don't hide out of fear. Now is when we need to stand up more than ever.
  • We will not be silenced. Not now.
  • Not ever.

On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions  of Gonzo the Great:
Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it. 

But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?

  • Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.
  • Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.
  • Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.
  • If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.
    • This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.
  • Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.

Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.

  • Sun: Hey baby, I hope you don't mind me chasing some tail-
  • Blake: No.
  • Sun: Oh come on baby, you're the Belle of my balls.
  • Blake: No.
  • Sun: Ummmmmmm.... something about pussy.
  • Blake: NO.
  • ---------------------------------
  • Sun: I don't get it Neptune!
  • Neptune: Maybe you shouldn't always bring up sex.
  • Sun: But girls love funny guys! And sex is hilarious!
  • Neptune: Is it really?
  • Sun: Penis.
  • Neptune: ...*chuckles*
  • Neptune: Penis.
  • Sun: Penis.
  • Neptune: Penis.
  • Sun: Penis.
  • Neptune: PENIS.
  • Sun: PEEEEEEEEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIIIS.
  • Neptune: What were we talking about again?
  • Sun: The very heterosexual pursuit of women, I believe.
Yaoi on Ice: Ep 5

Every week I find myself saying “Wow, this is they gayest thing I’ve ever seen” and every week, it’s true.

Viktor is his generally hilarious self full force all ep.

Surrounded by people in hoodies lol He looks like secret service.

Stupid Sexy Viktor. 

Poor Yuri looks like his life is flashing before his eyes. His poor little fanboy heart can’t take it.

This scene is made better with Yuri’s response.

That’s… not a thing, Yuri. But… I also understand 100% where you are coming from. 

Speaking of fanboys hearts lol Minami is Yuri to Yuri’s Viktor.

I don’t know what this was supposed to accomplish, Yuri. Don’t just slap guy’s asses. 

Poor Minami, meeting your crush again and then having your face rubbed in his lovey dovey relationship. I love how the rest of the people are either like “wow that’s hot” or “Dude, trying to watch skating here”

I’m going to make an icon of this. I feel like it represents their relationship so well. 

You’re welcome.

When non-shippers see their ship becoming official.

Viktor you teasing asshole. This would have been so sweet. But noooooo. New suit.

And of course what would this anime be without the queer baitiest previews ever.

I especially love how he just tagged all of their names. No commentary beyond “Wow!”. Wow WHAT? Wow Viktor is naked? Wow they are gay? Wow they were just making out???

Holiday Things With TyJo and Jishwa

As promised here’s a holiday themed thing to keep you guys entertained a bit! I love you all! Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to you! Thanks for always supporting me. Hope your holiday season is going well.

xx Kylie


Holiday Things with TyJo and Jishwa

Tyler:

  • Hearing Tyler sing Christmas songs all month long because this fucker knows he can sing. He knows it bothers you to an extent but he doesn’t care because he is spreading the “holiday spirit”. So eventually, you give in and sing cute lil duets with him and he is there playing ukulele.
  • After Christmas singing comes Christmas shopping. While you guys are out shopping, he sees things that you’re staring at and instantly knows he needs to get that for you. So after rehearsals one day, he goes back to the stores and gets that beautiful necklace or dress or bracelet you were looking at. Tyler also likes to give a funny present. So he goes to a store and finds something you would find hilarious and decides to film your reaction when you open it. After the look of disappointment on your face, he laughs a little and then stops recording. He puts down the phone and then walks over to you, giving you a kiss BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU CAN’T STAY MAD AT HIM WHEN HE KISSES YOU. After that he says, “That wasn’t your present. There’s another one. And that one is your actual gift”. WHEN YOU OPEN THAT SUCKER YOU CANNOT BELIEVE AND YOU CRY TEARS OF JOY.
  • Okay okay, so shopping time is over and then comes the relaxation. So instead of going out the two of you decide to drink lots of hot cocoa and stay home to watch Christmas movies. You include things like Elf, Home Alone, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc. You guys cuddle up and make sure to buy lots and lots of marshmallows for your hot chocolate.
  • After the movies, you guys want to make a gingerbread house, because WHY THE HELL NOT? You make your house very sweet but simple, quite realistic if you do say so yourself. You could find yourself living in a house that looks like that. Tyler, being the man he is, decides to make it Clique themed. He has a bunch of symbols on it, and takes a picture to post on social media to wish them a happy holiday. AND YOU SMILE SO BIG BECAUSE HE’S SO DAMN CUTE AND YOU DON’T KNOW HOW YOU GOT A MAN LIKE THAT.
  • After all that gingerbread house making, you decide you want to go ICESKATING. Buuuut both of you can be clumsy on the ice so when you first step in the rink, you fall causing Tyler to laugh uncontrollably. He doesn’t help you up for a good five minutes because he’s laughing so damn hard. After he calms down a bit, he helps you up but you plotted your revenge. You pull him down as he tries to get you back up, and he falls onto the ice too! Then the both of you are laughing and it’s all okay after that. You guys are like the couple that everyone hates because you are too MOTHERFUCKING CUTE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
  • To end the year, Tyler and you go to a New Year’s party and drink lots of sparkling cider and play a lot of games. It’s a day filled with family and friends. You have movie marathons, and you eat a delicious dinner made by Tyler’s mother. When the countdown begins, Tyler takes you outside where it’s more private and no one is around. You guys can still hear the people inside counting down so it isn’t too big of a deal for you. He tells you how much he loves you and how he is the luckiest man on the planet. As soon as the clock hits zero, he plants a passionate, fiery kiss on your lips. A kiss that is filled with love and lust. After you pull away, he says, “Happy New Year’s, love”. And YOUR HEART FLUTTERS BECAUSE DAMN TYJO YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO WOO A LADY.

Josh:

  • So New Year’s is coming up and he plans something super special. You guys go over to his mom’s house for dinner and a small party and you get to see the family. Afterwards, he brings you up to an old treehouse he had as a kid and uses his phone to watch the countdown. He grabs some sparklers and lights then up as the last ten seconds start to disappear. You light them and as the clock hits midnight, he smooches you. He takes a beautiful picture and posts it on social media, captioning it, “With the love of my life this holiday season.”
  • ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS THE FIRST THING YOU AND JOSH WOULD DO IS… DYE HIS HAIR. Since Hayley decided to give Josh a whole box of her new line of hair dye, it was the natural thing to do. He manages to convince you to dye your hair with him, so you do. You both pick different colors, but they are colors that compliment each other well.
  • After the whole dyeing shindig, you guys sit down to read Ashley and Jesse’s new books. You both shed a few tears because you’re so DAMN PROUD. Plus it’s amazing??? Like how is his whole family so talented???? Anywhoooo after you have some emotional reading time, Josh wants to lighten the mood up. So he takes you to his favorite restaurant and you enjoy a lovely meal with each other.
  • Throughout the night, he decides to take A LOT of snaps of you and puts it on his story for the world to see. He gets some embarrassing ones and some really adorable ones too. He would use captions like “She’s such a slob. That’s why I love her.” or things like “Look at how cute she is!”
  • After dinner Josh decides he wants to teach you how to play the drums. At first you’re skeptical, but you end up to be pretty good. The rhythm and coordination came very naturally to you, and it surprised you. He would then make snarky comments like “You’re only this good because you had an amazing teacher!” and you would laugh because you knew it was true, but he felt threatened by your talent??? So you would give him lots of kisses to reassure that no one could ever replace The Josh Dun.
  • Okay so you want to make homemade gingerbread cookies. You get your favorite recipe and you recruit Josh to help you make it, which you will regret later because Josh being Josh, decides to start a food fight with you. He throws flour at you, and decides to make a mess by smashing eggs on your head and the whole kitchen is a disaster. After you both look like cookie monsters, he chases you around the kitchen because he wants to give you a hug, but you run away from him. As he turns a corner, he slips on the raw egg and falls over, knocking the flour bag over and it gets all over him. He coughs and a big puff of flour comes out and you fall over laughing. IT LOOKED LIKE HE ROLLED IN SOME DAMN DRUGS OR SOMETHING.
  • Mishaps happen and so he thought it would be a good idea to go SLEDDING. So you both dress up in your winter gear and you head out to sled. Okay so he pushes you down the hill, but there’s a HUGE ASS BUMP HE DIDN’T SEE SO YOU GO FLYING OFF THE BUMP AND YOU FALL OFF THE SLED AND INTO A BIG OL PILE OF SNOW. Josh rushes down to you and helps you up, worried that he might’ve hurt you. But as you got up, you were laughing your ass off because it was actually kinda fun even though it was scary?? So you recommend that he tries it and YOU PUSH HIM DOWN THE DAMN HILL AND HE GOES OFF THE BUMP AND HE’S FLAILING HIS ARMS AROUND AND SCREAMING LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO DIE AND YOU LAUGH BECAUSE HE’S SUCH A DAMN WIMP AND TEARS ARE NOW FALLING FROM YOUR FACE.

Being George Harkness’ sibling would include:

Requested

  • For dinner you guys have really weird things.
  • Stealing his jackets when it’s cold but he can’t complain.
  • Although you come no where close to stealing the unicorn.
  • “Why do you even carry that thing around?” 
  • You both are open with each other about your love lives. Mostly because George is hopeless at long time commitment and you just like to laugh at him.
  • Protective big brother.
  • When you both get partners to work with when you break into places they often find you both hilarious.
  • Before you kill/knock them out, of course.
  • Dumb texts to each other like “Morning fucker!! I hope your left foot is still attached :) xxx”
  • Going into casinos if you don’t win anything then you smash the glass to those grab machines, take something then run.
  • That’s actually how you got pinky.
  • When you both went to a different country your motto was, “That’s not how we did it in Australia.”
  • You are so close it’s unreal, you’ve only got your back and his. No one else.

My dad was in his 20′s living in Newburg, NY during the civil rights era. His best friend and my godfather was a black man; Joe. Uncle Joe and my dad were in a vocal group together with two other guys. They called themselves The Universals. We’ve got one of their records framed in the family room.

Anyway one evening they were finishing up a show, saying their goodbyes and heading home. My dad gets the bright idea to follow Uncle Joe home in his car with his lights off. When he got there, he would jump out and scare him.

So he follows him, giggling to himself, thinking he’s so hilarious. In his defense, my dad is a pretty funny guy when he wants to be. Uncle Joe pulls into his driveway, gets out, and heads into his garage. Dad stops his car, gets out and creeps up to the garage, getting ready to come up behind him. 

This is the part where things go awry.

Uncle Joe comes out of his garage swinging for the fences with a goddamn golf club, wailing on my dad. Just beatin the shit out of him with a 9 iron.

Dad shouts, “Joe, Joe! It’s me! It’s me!”

To which Uncle Joe responds, “ME WHO??” and keeps swinging.

My dad likes to tell that story a lot. Because it’s hilarious, right? Uncle Joe beat the shit out of dad with a golf club. Fucking amazing. But I always felt like the story had a moral my dad never considered: this happened during the civil rights riots. Uncle Joe is black.

Dad thought he was playing a lighthearted joke. Uncle Joe thought he was going to fucking die that night.

And that’s how I learned what white privilege is.

5

Ron x Reader

Requested by Anon

Part One


“Just tell her Ronald, she isn’t going to bite.” Hermione chuckled as she headed into the dorm room with Ron hot on her heels.

“I could do that but I just sort of… forget how to speak.” Ron yelped and she shook her head.

“That’s just ridiculous.” With a laugh, she rounded the sofa and turned to face you.

Keep reading

guys we need to get markiplier to play hiveswap

we need to start a tumblr/twitter campaign guys come on

hiveswap comes out this month we must rally for markiplier to play it the moment it does

go request him to play it on tumblr/twitter/youtube, tell him he doesn’t need to know anything about homestuck to play it (in fact it’s probably going to be x10 more hilarious if he doesn’t)

Lip Balm

Title: Lip Balm

Summary: Dan and Phil leave the next Danisnotonfire video up to the fans and they vote for the lip balm challenge. 

Relationship: Phan

Characters / Pairing: Dan Howell, Phil Lester

Word Count: 2,139

Warnings: M/M, some serious swearing (I mean, come on guys… It’s Dan we’re talking about here), some bants (meaning banter - lmao it just looks some weird ship name for pants), we got a little bit o’ making out (dayyuuuum but I guess you can kind of assume from the summary??), FLUFFFFFFFF, humour (well idk it depends on if you think it’s funny - personally i think i’m fukin hilarious but idk that’s probs just me), friendstolovers yo

AU where Dan and Phil aren’t married.

Or the one where Dan gets distracted by kissing Phil and forgets to guess the flavour. #friendstolovers

**

There’s a long pause before Dan finally breaks the silence.

“This is actually happening.”

The camera is on a tripod and rolling, the lights are focused on their faces, and there’s a bag beside each of their feet.

This is actually happening.

They’re sitting on Dan’s bed next to each other and Dan can’t help but feel extremely nervous.

“Hello internet! So last week, we had just returned from New York and couldn’t think of any video ideas. Instead of making an incredibly generic overdone video, we turned to you guys!” Dan explains enthusiastically.

Phil is just nodding along and glancing at Dan every now and then, adding another layer of extra pressure.

“We asked you all to come up with an idea for my next Danisnotonfire video, and the percentage was overwhelmingly outweighed by one specific idea. You’ll never guess what it was…” He trails off, giving the camera an extremely annoyed expression. “A generic, overdone video.”

Phil chuckles from next to him, causing the corner of Dan’s mouth to twitch but he stills it mentally and keeps talking. “We asked you guys for an idea to avoid a generic video, and you guys voted for a generic video.”

“You might want to tell them what we’re doing, Dan.” Phil reminds him patiently, a hint of laughter still in his voice.

Dan shoots Phil a look and retorts, “Calm your titballs there, Lester! I’m getting to it.”

Phil shakes his head and Dan ignores this.

“Today - because an overwhelming 76% of you asked for it - Phil and I will be doing…”

His flatmate drums on the post of Dan’s bed.

“The lip balm challenge!” Dan announces as Phil ends his reckless drumroll.

“I think I’ve seen this before,” Phil comments, looking curiously over at Dan. “Isn’t this for couples?”

“It is indeed,” Dan agrees with a sigh. “Basically, how this will work is person A will put on a blindfold, then person B puts on a chosen flavour of lip balm and locks lips with person A. Person A will have to guess which flavour it is that person B has on.”

“Dan and I went to the dollar store because Dan’s cheap and-”

“I am not cheap!”

“-We bought five different flavours of lip balm.” Phil explains, ignoring Dan’s interjection.

Dan huffs and goes to pull the lip balms out of one of the bags at their feet. “But - of course - we couldn’t go to a bath & body store without Phil buying
a thousand bath bombs and facial moisturizers.”

Phil crosses his arms indignantly. “That’s not true! Besides, you like them too.”

Dan smirks as he holds up the lip balms and prepares to name the flavors for the camera. “Touché.”

He holds the lip balms up higher so they are definitely in the shot. “These are the five flavours we chose.”

He hands two to Phil and takes three for himself. “Here I have Rosemary Eucalyptus, Tangerine Lime, and Cocoa.”

Phil checks his lip balms too. “I have Grapefruit Clove and Cinnamon Mint.”

“So - with that in mind - I guess we will begin. Are you ready Phil?”

“I’m ready!”

“Then let’s get started.” Dan turns and grabs the familiar red blindfold from the bag at his feet and looks at Phil. “Who wants to go first?”

“I want to go last,” Phil says quickly. “I want to know what each one tastes like on my lips before I go.”

Dan sighs and his heart starts to pick up pace. “I guess I’ll go first then.”

He hands the blindfold to Phil and turns so that Phil can tie it around his head.

As soon as it covers his eyes, Dan gets a lurch of panic that sparks through his body.

No matter what, there’s no going back now.

He can no longer see anything coming so he has no time to prepare.Taking a deep breath, Dan sticks his palm out with the lip balms he has in Phil’s general direction until he feels their weight relieved from his hand.

Folding his hands in his lap (because what the fuck else is he supposed to do with them), Dan feels his other senses kick into hypersensitive mode.

He’s aware of Phil’s presence, of the racing of his heart beat, of the the blood pumping through his body, he can taste the saliva in his mouth, he can smell the lack of fresh air caused by not opening a window in a while.

Everything is beginning to overwhelm Dan from all of the information his senses are sending his brain.

“Do I just show which one I chose to the camera?” Phil asks suddenly, startling Dan by his spontaneity.

“Er, yeah sure. I’ll edit in a count of how many points we have after we finish filming.” He adds.

Phil goes quiet again and Dan just assumes that he’s showing the camera his choice of lip balm and putting it on.

“Alrighty Daniel, pucker up!” Phil exclaims cheerily.

Dan’s heart trips over itself at the childish words.

He can literally feel the space between them getting smaller and smaller.

His last fleeting thought is, ’fuckity fuckity fuck’.

Then a pair of soft, warm lips wrap around his top one and his brain goes white.

He is too shocked to react, but Phil’s lips move at a perfectly paced tempo, slowly coaxing Dan’s body into reacting.

Woah.

Dan’s lips twitch against Phil’s and suddenly they’re moving in sync, harmonizing in the beautiful symphony Phil has started.

And fuck this is so good.

Somehow, his hand finds its way to his best friend’s cheek and Dan stabilizes the kiss, relishing the taste and feel of Phil’s lips on his own.

They’re so soft and delicate and Dan’s almost afraid Phil’s bottom lip will just slip right out from between his own, but it doesn’t.

The next thing he knows, Phil’s pulling away and Dan makes what has to be the most mortifying noise of disappointment he’s ever made in his life.

His cheeks flush crimson and there’s just no point in hiding it now.

“What’s your guess?”

“Huh?”

“What flavour do you think it was?” Phil repeats.

Oh.

Oh.

Dan was supposed to be guessing what flavor of lip balm Phil was wearing.

But he was too caught up in actually kissing Phil than guessing what flavour the bloody ChapStick was.

“I didn’t really get that great of a taste.” Dan admits awkwardly. “Could I get another go?”

Phil laughs and Dan’s ears perk at the sound.

He opens his mouth to speak again when he’s cut off by Phil’s lips connecting with his own.

And he’s sucked right back into Phil’s addictive lip-lock.

Focus Dan! You want to win this thing, don’t you?

Forcing himself to stop twirling in the high that is Phil’s kiss, Dan tries to focus on tactics to get a better taste of the lip balm.

Lick it off.

His stomach flutters at the thought, but it does make logical sense.

Here goes nothing.

Dan slowly lets his tongue venture out and glide innocently along Phil’s lower lip.

And the whine that Phil makes is so fucking hot.

Swallowing a groan, Dan gently sucks Phil’s bottom lip into his mouth, licking it with long, precise strokes.

He definitely recognizes that flavour.

A small moan - so small Dan almost can’t hear it - is released from Phil as Dan sucks skillfully on his lower lip and Dan literally has to pull himself away so he doesn’t jump Phil then and there.

Their lips disconnect with a soft popping sound and Dan resists the powerful urge to lean back in.

That can wait for another time.

Instead he clears his throat and says, “That was definitely eucalyptus. Whatever that eucalyptus flavour was, it was that one.”

“Rosemary Eucalyptus?” Phil muses.

“Yeah sure, whatever.” Dan waves it off.

He holds his breath as Phil is silent for a moment.

“I… I think you’re right…?”

“I’m right. I know eucalyptus when I taste it.” Dan says confidently.

“Should I move onto the next one?”

“Mhmm.”

“Alright. How many am I doing again?”

“Three.”

“Right. Well, I’ll tell you when I’m done, okay?”

“Fine by me.”

And Dan’s forced to wait again.

He can’t help but wonder why he’s always refrained from kissing Phil.

He knew deep down he was scared. Not because of sexuality or fans or anything like that, but scared of losing Phil.

Before Phil is anything, he is Dan’s best friend and Dan would cry himself to sleep every night if Phil left him.

It’s sad, but it’s the truth.

“Phil, I- mmfph.” Dan begins to express these thoughts to him when he’s - again - cut off by Phil’s lips and he nearly passes out.

How does this get better every single time they do it?

He goes for the tongue quicker this time, opening his lips against Phil’s and gently tugging his lower lip into his mouth, the slow suction releasing a strong flavour of cinnamon.

Dan immediately pulls away and gags, coughing as he turns to face away from Phil.

“Are you alright, Dan?” Phil asks worriedly.

Dan doesn’t respond, instead attempting to swallow away the overwhelming flavour.

Once he can speak again, he chokes out the word, “Cinnamon.”

Phil gives him the point.

Eventually - by the time they’re switching - Dan’s blindfold is untied and he flinches at the bright lighting, giving his eyes a moment to adjust.

Phil offers him the blindfold and Dan smiles and takes his, tying it gently around Phil’s head and securing the knot.

“Fifty shades,” he says in a false husky tone as he finishes.

Phil barks out a laugh and Dan chuckles as well, mentally going through his lip balm options.

Which will Phil not guess?

He settles with Cocoa and holds it up to the camera to show the viewers. He is then uncapping the lid and putting it onto his lips until they’re slick and flavourful.

Dan turns to look at Phil and warn him of his advance, but his eyes soften when he sees the sight presented to him.

Phil is sitting in front of him with his knees pulled up underneath him in a cross-cross position and a cute smile spread across his lips.

For this reason, Dan has no trouble crawling forward on hands and knees and connecting their lips softly.

Phil squeaks in surprise and Dan chuckles breathily through his nose.

After a few seconds, Phil gets more adventurous and rolls Dan’s bottom lip between his teeth to get the flavour off of it.

Dan moans.

He literally moans.

Like… Sexually.

And his cheeks flush with embarrassment, but Phil doesn’t seem bothered by this at all, instead continuing the action with more confidence, leaving Dan in a wrecked state when he pulls away to answer.

“That’s chocolate,” Phil announces, wiping his lips on the back of his hand.

Dan pouts. “You weren’t supposed to get that.”

“I thought it was cinnamon at first, actually. Then I realized it was richer and I knew it was chocolate.”

Dan nods, tasting some off of his lips. “Alright Phil, I’m about to choose the next one so I need you to be quiet, which I know is quite challenging for you.”

Phil sticks his tongue out at Dan and the brunet laughs.

Holding up the Grapefruit Clove flavour, he makes sure that it’s focused and visible.

He applies it to his lips and crawls forward to press them to Phil’s.

Phil - clearly not expecting this - turns his head and they bump noses.

Fuck!” Dan exclaims, clutching it as he retreats.

Phil cringes and grabs at his own too. “Ouch! You could’ve warned me, Dan.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to turn your head, you acorn!” Dan retorts, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Phil sighs and Dan softens a bit.

“… I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

A small smile finds it’s way onto Phil’s lips and Dan’s heart stutters.

“It’s alright, Dan. I should’ve waited for your cue to move anyway.” Phil consoles, reaching out for Dan’s shoulder blindly.

Dan snickers and moves so that it does.

“I’m going to go for it now, if you’re cool with that?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

And Dan leans forward, colliding heaven and Earth once again as their lips meet.

He melts into the kiss and they slowly begin to morph into more lip-sucking (purely for the tasting aspect of course…) and lip-rolling.

Dan even gives into the urge to lean back in and peck Phil’s lips a last time before pulling away.

They play this game again after the video is finished, as well.

They claim it’s to taste all of the flavours, but they both know very well that this is a load of massive horseshit.

Fuck cherry lip balm, Dan’s new favourite flavour is Phil.

**

incidentally, this is still the single most hilarious anecdote re: apollo astronauts i have come across

Apollo 13 was halfway to the moon before Swigert realized he had not filed his income taxes and that he would be quite unable to do so before the April 15 deadline. The subject came up as scientist-astronaut Joe Kerwin was reading the Sunday morning news: “Today’s favorite pastime across the nation—Uh oh, have you guys completed your income tax?”

Swigert radioed, “How do I apply for an extension?” Mission control exploded with laughter. “It ain’t too funny, things happened real fast down there and I do need an extension. I’m really serious…”

“You’re breaking up the room down here,” Kerwin said. A few minutes later he assured Swigert that there wouldn’t be any problem: an automatic extension is granted to anyone who is out of the country at tax time.

Dinner and A Wedding

Pairing: SiriusXReader and JamesXLily

Prompt: James and Lily find out that what appears to be a normal dinner party hosted by their close friends turns into something a lot bigger.
*Based off of Andy and April’s wedding from Parks and Rec

A/N: Wow it only took five hundred years for another fic to come out I love Parks and Rec, but it’s been a while and some details may be inaccurate and it won’t go exactly the same way. Also I can see Lily and James combining to be a hilarious version of Leslie. Hope you guys like this one!

Keep reading

10

Panel 1

Ding~Dong~Daeng~Dong

S: Ah Im late… 

Person: Yongsun~ Where did you go for lunch?

S: Oh!!! Uh… I ate with an underclassmen

Geez come on vest button go in

Panel 2:

She realizes that she’s wearing Moonbyul’s shirt

*Moon Byul-Yi*

S: I SWITCHED SHIRTS WITH BYULYI!!! OH MY GOD

LET’S CALM DOWN…. Because it’s a uniform it probably won’t show, right?

Panel 3:

S: Ah Byul wears her shirt bigger than mine.

It smells sweet.

This is Byul’s good scent.

Ah geez…

Panel 4:

Byulyi…

I kind of am thinking of her

B: Why’re ya this cute Unnie?

S: I said that’s weird!

STOP IT!!

Moon Byul-Yi… I’m gonna kill ya.

Panel 5:

-After all classes are over-

MOONFART

-I’m waiting at the school gate <3

She’s changing in the restroom

S: Moonfart….

Panel 6:

M: Unnie~ I’m here!

Oh you’re wearing your gym clothes.

Ish cute Hehe

Panel 7:

GRRR JEEZ

Moves

*A situational reflex

M: W-why…?

S: Gimme my shirt

M: Sh-shirt?

S: I SAID WE SWITCHED SHIRTS. SO I’VE BEEN UPSET SINCE LUNCH TIME.

Panel 8:

M: Oh… so under the gym clothes you’re only wearing your underclothes (bra and panties)?

S: OF COURSE! BECAUSE OF YOU

M: ….

*Unzips the gym clothes all the way

Panel 9

M: It hurts…

She got hit

S: Hurry and gimme my shirt.

M: Okay but besides that you like my house, right?

S: What on earth are you… Because these shirts are different let’s change

M: What are you talking about? You have to take off the shirt on the bed of course.

S: YA YOU PERVERT!!!! WHAT SORT OF NONSENSE ARE YOU SO STRAIGHTFORWARDLY SAYING!!!!!

Panel 10:

M: Or, should you take it off here?

S:… at the house.

M: Okay~ Let’s go~

CR: @hoshi_1222 on twitter 

a little vigilante meta

okay so we’ve got the cyclops and wolverine guys in their gakuran being all hilarious and fighty, I’m sure everyone’s noticed…

and the scanlators did catch what’s up with part of his name–

–but I just noticed this, his other name, “Samazu”, comes from “Summers”…like Scott Summers.  Like Cyclops the X-man.

HIGH STRUNG

Guys. GUYS. I was browsin’ through Netflix to find a movie to put on in the background while I unpack from my trip and tidy up my room and I saw some dance/music rom-dram called High Strung, and that formulaic shit is my JAM so I put it on. Guys. GUYS. THIS IS BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THE MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS MOVIE I’VE EVER SEEN I’M HALFWAY THROUGH AND THERE ARE ACTUAL TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE IT HAS EVERY TROPE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE AND IT’S GLORIOUS. 

BASIC PLOT: shy, talented American blonde ballerina attends a ~~~super exclusive~~~ Arts conservatory in Manhattan (is there even another city in the US?) and is pushed extra hard by her teachers because She’s Just So Talented™. Shy, talented American blonde ballerina is strolling down the subway post-class and hears a broody British modelesque violinist playing for money. Turns out the broody British modelesque violinist is an illegal immigrant with Nothing Left For Him Back Home™ (’what about your family?’ *moody stare* ‘like I said’ *dramatic glance into the Manhattan skyline* ‘nothing’) and the lawyer he’s been paying to get him a green card was swindling him (he kicks a trashcan into a car in front of a swanky office building out of RAGE because that’s what people trying to avoid run-ins with the police do obvi). Blonde Ballerina goes back to the subway the next day and shares a slow-mo stare with Broody Violinist and then OUT OF NOWHERE a gang strolls out of the subway train and starts shit with a crew of painters working on the subway station. Naturally both the gang and the painters are dance crews (!?!?!?!?!?!) who bust out into elaborate aggressive choreo, and Broody Violinist starts playing his violin to their battle music cause why not???? Chaos ensues, Blonde Ballerina gets pushed to the ground, Broody Violinist rushes to help her, his violin gets stolen, and OH NO his grandfather gave it to him so it’s A Big Deal™ and Blonde Ballerina is so distraught so she follows him all determined to help. That’s the set up of the basic plot, now HIGHLIGHTS:

1. The movie literally opens up with the most dramatic, horror-movie-like shot of Broody Violinist playing his violin shirtless in a vast, shadow-drenched bedroom in the early morning light with a voiceover that’s like ‘the music is inside me… and if I don’t play it… it consumes me’. Something to note about Broody Violinist is that he’s barely surviving NY but he lives in a swanky bachelor pad and dresses like a Calvin Klein model.

2. His downstairs neighbor just happens to be the head of the world’s most extra dance crew and he intercepts Broody Violinist one day for NO REASON and forces him to come into his apartment and watch his crew dance like it’s a fucking recital (LITERALLY I SWORE HE WAS HITTING ON HIM BECAUSE IT WAS SO TARGETED AND OUTRAGEOUS BUT NAH HE WAS JUST LIKE ‘HEY STRANGER COME MEET MY FRIENDS AND WATCH US DANCE NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER LOL HAVE SOME CALAMARI WHILE I WALK YOU THROUGH WHO EVERYONE IS AS THEY DO A SOLO’).

3. Blonde Ballerina’s roommate is the token Comedic Party Girl™ and they are honestly so gay it’s outrageous? Like they constantly walk around holding hands and had a pillow fight within 5 seconds of meeting each other and casually chat while one’s naked in a bubble bath and who the fuck is this movie trying to kid????

4. At one point Blonde Ballerina shows up at Broody Violinist’s apartment (HOW DOES SHE KNOW WHERE HE LIVES??? IDK???) with a violin she borrowed from her school and a flier that’s CONVENIENTLY for a ‘Strings and Dance!’ competition where the winner gets 25K and a full scholarship to the conservatory (i.e. student visa!!!!!!!), but Broody Violinist is Too Ferocious and Independent™ for conservatories and they’re beneath him and his Subway musician ways and Blonde Ballerina is Too Establishment™ to understand. So Blonde Ballerina is REAL UPSET and leaves and calls her girlfriend to cry about this random stranger rejecting her offer during the cab-ride home, and Broody Violinist stares dramatically at his table before realizing his Big Mistake™ and running after her, but NOOOO, the cab pulls away just as he reaches the door!!!! GASP, I’m so sad for these literal strangers acting like they just ended a five year relationship!!!!

5. There’s a straight-up montage where Blonde Ballerina is dancing with her frenemies at bar (what’s a dance movie without a bar scene where everyone inexplicably knows impromptu choreography) and it’s spliced with BROODY VIOLINIST RANDOMLY BOXING. LMAO LIKE THERE HAS BEEN NOT A SINGLE INDICATION THAT HE’S INTO BOXING OR ATHLETIC IN ANY WAY BUT HERE HE IS, TAKING SUPERHUMAN, SHIRTLESS SWINGS AT A PUNCHING BAG IN THE DARK TO THE BEAT OF THE BAR MUSIC THAT HE’S NOWHERE NEAR. I died. 

6. Broody Violinist RANDOMLY SHOWS UP as a waiter for an event Blonde Ballerina is attending with an Arrogant Playboy Violinist™ from her conservatory, and I kid you fucking not, they tango. INTENSELY TANGO. BROODY VIOLINIST CAN TANGO. HE CAN BOX, HE CAN TANGO, THE SKY’S THE LIMIT FOR BROODY VIOLINIST, AND THERE’S NO EXPLANATION OUTSIDE OF ‘My grandmother taught me’. So Broody Violinist and Blonde Ballerina tango all ‘frictiony’ (it’s hilar) and Arrogant Playboy Violinist (who’s playing the violin in some kind of performance) starts playing SUPER aggressively because he’s getting jealous that the girl he wouldn’t even call his date is friction Tango-ing with another guy. And then comes the moment where I lost my shit:

7. Arrogant Playboy Violinist™: “You want to settle this outside?”

Broody Violinist: “I’m fine settling it right here.”

Aggressively strides over to the orchestra and grabs a violin and THESE TWO TESTOSTERONE MACHO MORONS HAVE A FUCKING HOMOEROTIC VIOLIN-OFF. SAID VIOLIN-OFF INVOLVES SMACKING EACH OTHER’S BOWS AND AT ONE POINT EVOLVES INTO A LEGIT VIOLIN BOW FENCING MATCH AND IT’S THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE BECAUSE THEY’RE LIKE SNARLING AND TWO SECONDS FROM MAKING OUT AND IT’S MEANT TO BE SO SERIOUS AND ~~ALPHA MALE~~ OMGGGG. And then naturally the rest of the wait staff is Broody Violinist’s extra ass neighbor and his dance crew so they take over the DJ-ing and start dancing in unison with their serving trays and oh my Gooooood it’s just the most perfectly absurd scene in cinematic history.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten. I don’t even know how this movie’s going to top itself but so far it’s been the most well-invested hour of my life and I can’t recommend it enough.