but because she will shoot you

“The right person at the wrong time” doesn’t exist when you think about her and the impact she has had on your life.
She’s the girl who make you believe in things such as fate and soul mates even. She makes you believe in something bigger than yourself.

The thing she makes you believe in is called love.

Her love is the perfectly imperfect embodiment of the reason why the tide always returns to kiss the shore. Or the reason why the moon is illuminated time after time in the darkness by the sun. They never give up on each other no matter how their paths are separated, they’ll always end up back together, even after all the storms that rage through the skies and the seas.

She made me believe our souls were connected before they fell down to Earth as shooting stars.
That is why there is a gravitational pull, pulling me in her direction.
To throw her away, dismissing her as a wrong time, would be one of your greatest mistakes.

She is a timeless soul because she will live forever within you. Prepare for a burning soul within her presence because you’ll feel her fiercely even after she is long gone.

—  S.S.

y'all sophia lillis (beverly marsh) said that some of the producers working on the film didn’t want her to play the role because she wasn’t feminine enough and director andy muschietti insisted (even paying for her ticket to go back to their shooting location). so they made her wear extensions with the promise that she’d keep them throughout the entirety of the film, which didn’t happen because as we all know he let her cut them off in the film. a slight fuck you to warner brothers that i definitely appreciate. (x)

this saturday night on ‘ty has an idea’: the foxes playing laser tag

  • probably nicky’s idea lbr
    • “cmon guys whens the last time we played something that wasnt exy? this’ll be fun!“
    • he has no idea what hes gotten into

Keep reading

i just have a lot of feelings about peter and mj so here we are. (part two can be found here)

  • peter is not looking forward to junior year
  • he somehow ended up signing up for like 3 different AP classes that he definitely did not remember signing up for
  • but being spiderman, he barely sleeps so his memory has been out of sorts lately
  • anyways so the first day of school rolls around and his first class is AP bio, and ned was his partner in regular bio but Ned is taking environmental science this year
  • and ned is peter’s only friend
  • so our spidey boy is without a lab partner, until michelle walks in right as the bell rings, drops her bag right next to Peter’s laptop on the lab counter, and begins reading catcher in the rye
  • she’s read it multiple times, just fyi
  • peter is shook
  • because he and michelle are friends now? i mean she’s caption of decathlon now that liz is gone and he’s sort of one of the best on the team and they are sort of partners there too
  • so peter rolls with it
  • and michelle ends up making AP bio fun, for example she and peter come up with names for everyone else in their class since they sit at the back of the room
  • flash is named: “dumbass”.
  • not original, but it works for them
  • AP bio is usually after lunch, and so often if there is a quick decathlon meeting during lunch, peter and michelle find themselves walking together
  • it’s not until peter realizes he’s low on webs that he realizes the problem
  • Michelle is sort of his ‘other ned’ if you will
  • basically, she never leaves him alone
  • and she doesn’t know he sneaks into the labs to make more webs
  • this is a situation, because how is peter supposed to distract her long enough to sneak into the chem labs?
  • cue ned the chair guy
  • peter gives ned one job, JUST ONE JOB, to keep michelle distracted during lunch so he can sneak into the chem lab, test out his new webs, and get out.
  • but the only thing ned can talk about is his new lego millennium falcon
  • and michelle is not into hearing ned talk about that for more than 5 minutes because he isn’t peter
  •  so somehow she escapes and finds herself wandering around the halls when she realizes where the hell is peter?
  • eventually she finds herself downstairs and she hears a strange noise from a nearby door. 
  • so she peeks into what looks like the chem lab and low and behold peter parker is shooting webs out of his hands
  • it clicks
  • the bruises, the sudden disappearances, decathlon, why spiderman was in DC out of all places…
  • next thing peter knows, michelle is in front of him, and she’s pissed
  • like, REALLY pissed
  • peter doesn’t catch much of what she’s saying besides the occasional “you could be killed” or “NED knows and i DON’T?” or “is this the damn stark internship?”
  • and peter is staring with his mouth open because even though she just found out his deepest darkest secret in the most obvious place (did he learn nothing from the aunt may incident?) her eyes are a gorgeous shade of brown and she’s kind of adorable when she’s mad
  • but that’s not that point
  • it takes peter the rest of lunch period to calm her down and to convince her not to tell anyone, not that she would, but you never know
  • and it takes him even longer to reassure her that he is perfectly safe and that the suit is very, very, reliable
  • she demands to see it, and peter refuses because they’re in the damn chem lab for god’s sake
  • eventually they head to AP bio, and Michelle doesn’t ask anymore questions. In fact, she doesn’t ask anymore questions for a while
  • peter thinks she forgot, or that she doesn’t care that much, but then a major accident happens in downtown in the middle of the night a few days later and spiderman is seen pulling people from a burning building, but no one saw spiderman come out before it collapsed. 
  • he skips school the next day because he’s “sick” and ned brings him his homework. he doesn’t ask about michelle, because he thinks that if she really doesn’t care after all, it’s better that he doesn’t know
  • he’s proven wrong – because when he does go back to school and walks into AP bio, Michelle launches herself into his arms in front of the whole class. 
  • and while afterwords she makes some joke about how peter saved their project that isn’t due until the end of the semester, peter starts to feel butterflies in his stomach. 
  • and maybe, just maybe, michelle feels them too
His Mind Created the Perfect Metaphor

Dear BBC Sherlock community,

Ever since Sherlock series 4 came out, collectively we were like “what the HELL is this?!?! This doesn’t make any sense!” BUT after many months of tossing ideas around the fandom, we have made theories that could explain the weirdness, but nothing we can all agree on. Now, this meta here may be absolute garbage to you, but I believe, in my heart of hearts, I’ve solved it. Please read it in its entirety with an open mind before you reblog it just to tell me I suck.

Thanks in advance, you da best

Paige


Here’s the short version: Sherlock actually jumped at the end of The Reichenbach Fall, just as Doyle intended him to die. Gatiss and Moffat said they are correcting something in this adaptation that no one else has gotten right before. Many of us assumed the homosexual romance was the one thing they were changing, but we were punched in the face right after The Final Problem came out.  Gatiss and Moffat are changing the sacrifice. Holmes was intended to die for his friends but Doyle needed more money and rewrote the series after “The Final Problem”. That turned Holmes’ sacrifice into a cruel joke against Watson. This is what BBC Sherlock is fixing, and we’re about to see it come to fruition.

I know many theorists despise the homosexual reading of Holmes and Watson, while many people in general despise theorists on this site. That’s fine, I don’t care how people feel about gay theories and/or TJLC and its followers.  But I’m here to tell you TJLC, at its core as a concept, was right. You may hate Moffat and Gatiss, you may think Sherlock is a piece of shit show, and that’s fine, you do you. But hear this one meta out, please. I think even the hardest skeptic can at least apprectiate the thought and logic behind this.

Keep reading

Beverly IS a hero: It spoilers

a lot of people are bitching about how Beverly’s heroic role was “taken from her” and because, in the new adaptation, she doesn’t shoot him down like in the novel/mini-series and was captured by Pennywise. They insist that Bill stole her role since it is his ultimate belief in himself that destroys It.

Are you kidding?

1. homegirl literally lances Pennywise through the fucking eye with a pole like a fucking kebab.

2. she is the first to conquer her fears (both of pennywise and her father)
(bonus: she is also the first to jump when cliff-diving with the boys) 

3. when she wakes up in the sewer after being taken by Pennywise, she doesn’t cry, scream, or huddle up in a ball she literally picks her ass up and looks for a way out

4. It literally has her by the fucking throat (again) and she’s clawing at his hands and spitting “I’m not afraid of you” in his face.

5. and wouldn’t you know it? daaaamn Beverly, back at it again with the spearing of Pennywise (not to mention, she does it all with a scream of rage that is 10/10)

idk what movie y’all were watching, but Beverly Marsh is the poster girl for bad-assery.

Ok, so, Not-Freddy is just standin’ around,

mindin’ his own business.

But suddenly, oh noes!

A giant… sarcophagus… robot?

…with a fuchsia triangle on its chest?

…that can’t move its arms, but shoots lasers…

…that move slowly enough for you to duck under?

And then, they all abruptly do… uh… a little operating room skit?

And then, Not-Freddy has a mustache over his mask? Because… surgeons are so well-known for their wild-west-villain facial hair, I guess?

And then, she gets a mustache, too? …even bigger than his? …for even less-explainable reasons?

And then, Colin realized he couldn’t tell whether these were actual events in a cartoon he was watching, or just some bizarre fever dream.

If I wake up from this mysterious unreality, I’ll let you know.

Things in the teaser

Miles

Yssa

Jordan .C

Georden

Pat

Maggie

What does this all mean?? (Action figures??)

//Edit: Thank you jyusinmatsu for saying their the voice actors of the charcaters!)

Brown bag, green scratched walls, dirty floor, confirmed bad parents.

Harrison’s room, A Chainsaw??? What are you doing with a CHAINSAW??

Nikki shoots flowers at the beginning(Referencing her hatred towards flower scouts)

Neil has Asthma

Plot twist: Those aren’t bandages, their paint.

//Edit: Ehhh I’m a stupid twat someone pointed out that it could be some anti-pain medicine then she slapped a bandage on it. However the plot twist thing was suppose to be a Joke because I have 0 self confidence about things I post ;;//

Preston wrote the play before he went to camp camp, around 4-6 pages. 

Nerris confirmed a clothes slub.

Oh Sehun//Fast Lane

Summary: You finally find out how your big cousin earns her money - she’s the flag girl for the illegal street races in your neighborhood, and now she’s dragging you along. And that’s where you meet the Hawaii-shirt wearing, orange-headed Oh Sehun, ace street racer and smartass.
Scenario: street racer!au 
Word Count: 6,337

Keep reading

In case anyone is curious about this Ending…

You know. This one. That one bad ending no one seems to have context for? Yeah.


It’s not like Jumin’s “kinky” bad ending or whatever. Actually… MC’s doing a photoshoot in this B.E- one that V is photographing. It’s heavily implied that this shoot was MC’s idea, because V says that “as long as [she is] happy” he was willing to do it for her.


Basically, in this ending, V comes to harbor the same unhealthy infatuation over MC that he had with Rika. He goes on to tell MC that he doesn’t care what she does to him. He promises her that she can cheat on him and choke him whenever and however she wishes, and he would still love her “today and tomorrow. .and forever.”


It’s a bad ending that you can get by obsessing over V, pressuring him into dating you/rushing into a relationship with him and telling him that he better value you “more than Rika”. Or that you want him to love you the way he loved Rika.


Basically. ..PSYCH, y'all thought this was kinky, but it’s really just the MC pressuring V into leaving one abusive relationship and putting him into another one with her.


EDIT;

BONUS DIRECT QUOTES FROM THE BAD ENDING:


“You test me because you’re afraid you’ll lose me.”


“However.. I could be anyone you like. If that’s not enough, you can ask much more of me!”


“No, please test me some more! Test me much harder…!”


“Even if you betray me… or see someone else… Even if you choke me someday… I will always love you.”

I remember listening to a song where a guy was talking about how he had his revolver in his pocket, and he was going to shoot the girl because she was sleeping with his best friend or something. And I was like, “OK — Well, if a man can say that, then I’m gonna write a song about how if you cheat on me, I’m gonna kill you.” So that’s what “Hunt You Down” is — it’s kind of my feminist, tongue-in-cheek response to all the outlaw cowboy songs from the male perspective about cheating women.
some important looks

I decided to put together what I think are several important klance screencaps, since I have no self control. This list focuses mainly on the individual looks on their faces in regards to each other, rather than the dialogue. (That’s why there aren’t screencaps from every klance moment in the season here, and it’s mostly just one or the other rather than both of them in the same screen. Because there are probably tons of posts about those already.) This season was really difficult for Keith because of Shiro, and I think his responses to Lance, specifically, are pretty clear to notice.

This right after Lance insists that he’s not a goofball, and Keith just has the most fond look on his face. This is the first time in the entire first episode Keith was actually in a good mood, and it’s because he can’t help but smile and even laugh a little because is Lance serious right now?

This is later in the episode, when Lance comforts Keith about leading in the black lion. Keith looks surprised, but he’s actually willing to listen, when he pretty much disregarded what everyone else said.

Lance shoves down his own unhappiness about the black lion not choosing him, reinforcing his beliefs that he’s not good enough, in order to comfort Keith. Because Lance, as Allura said, puts the good of the team over himself.

And then in the third episode, when Keith is beating himself up for not being a good enough leader, Lance casts him this sympathetic/concerned look before trying to get Keith’s signature determination back to where it usually is. It’s also worth mentioning that the only person Keith listened to the advice of was Lance. Just saying.

In episode six, when Lance chooses to come to Keith with his concerns about if he should even pilot a lion anymore, Keith’s response is an immediate “What are you talking about?” But he’s not mad, which is typical for Keith, he looks worried. Worried, and confused that this would even have crossed Lance’s mind.

And then when Lance leaves, clearly still unsure and upset, Keith makes an effort to cheer him up. Complete with this pure smile.

And then the smile that Lance gives in response. Lance was pretty serious the whole time, not mentioning what he wanted but instead talking about what would be for the good of the team. This look that resulted from Keith’s advice is just so,,, grateful and happy,,, I… moving on.

This is after Lance is attacked by Auxia (also in episode 6). Lance manages to catch the shot with his shield, but is still knocked to the ground with the force of it. Keith immediately runs towards Auxia, and he looks pissed. To me, he looks unusually angry even for Keith-while-fighting standards. Because she hurt Lance, and that’s not gonna stand.

And then Lance shoots the knife that Ezor threw at Keith out of the air before it so much at touched him, and Keith stops fighting just to give Lance this look. It’s the adorably fond smile again, in response to Lance’s “I got you, buddy!” He even fails to notice Auxia creeping behind him at first, because Keith is distracted. Because they’re a team, and if I were Keith in that moment, I’d be wondering “how the hell does Lance think he’s not one of the strongest?”

There’s a lot of really important, really good dialogue between Keith and Lancee that I was ecstatic to see this season. But sometimes, what isn’t outright said is just as important.

I can’t watch the one with Peter Capaldi, in ‘The Husbands of River Song.’ That last scene was so hard for me to shoot because even though we shoot out of sequence - that scene - they left until the last moment to film. And I, of course, know what’s coming up now that she’s been given her sonic screwdriver, and yet, of course, River doesn’t; she has an inkling, but she doesn’t know.

So I had to work really hard not to cry and I didn’t succeed. We had to do a couple of takes, and I just started bawling! And again I saw Peter, you know he’s tough, he doesn’t show or share those emotions and the last few moments we were filming, I was looking at him and said, 'My God! You’re teary-eyed! Don’t do that, because it will likely be me, too!’
—  Alex Kingston, on why she can’t watch River Song’s final scene with Peter Capaldi’s Doctor in The Husbands of River Song [x]
Bygones of the Sun | 06 (M)

Originally posted by hobismole

Genre: Angst/fluff/(future)smut || dance captain!hoseok, bad boy!au, uni!au

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok

Length: 6.7k

Summary: Jung Hoseok was once the sweetheart of the school, the dance captain whom every girl, including you, can’t help but fall head over heels for. But like the force of the ever-glowing sun, everything that rises must also set. A year of inactivity later and he’s now the school’s resident bad boy. You’re a firm believer of allowing the past be the past, and yet you can’t help but wonder where the risen sun has gone into hiding—because perhaps its shadows have out-shined its own radiance.

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07

Keep reading

honorary-penderwicks  asked:

Here's a thing I just re-watched civil war and when tony says "you're done stay down" peter starts to get up and then grabs the side of his chest the same way I do when I go a little overboard while binding. I bet before that fight he had never done so much physically and I also bet that the suit didn't have a binder in it yet because tony didn't know so he wore it without thinking about the exertion. Anyways just another trans peter thought I had thanks

peter doesn’t usually like binding bc his breasts are small enough that if he wears a oversized shirts and enough layers you can hardly tell he isn’t totally flat chested, but he still brings his binder with him to berlin just in case.

and he wasn’t going to bind during the fight bc his homemade suit is super baggy, but then tony makes him such an awesome suit…. but it’s skin tight. but it’s so COOL. and he knows it’s dumb, he KNOWS that, but he decides to bind. he reasons it’ll be okay because of his advanced healing factor, and besides — he’s spider-man!! he’s like 100 percent sure that he’s gonna kick captain america’s butt without even trying, let alone enough to feel the effects of his binder. 97 percent sure.

but hours later he’s laying on the tarmac of the airport, tony has just flown off effectively benching him from the fight, and he can’t move. everytime he tries to sit up his ribs feel like they’re gonna crack, if they haven’t already. and suddenly he’s aware of how lightheaded he is. he’s going to pass out. shit, how did he not notice this before?? it must have been all the adrenaline?? he didn’t know, didn’t have the energy to even think about it. he tried to sit up one more time, and that’s what caused his vision to spot up and go black.

he wakes up in his hotel room, momentarily confused about his surroundings. but then he remembers he’s in berlin and he relaxes back into the bed. but then he remembers the fight, that giant ant dude (hah, oxymoron), he remembers mr. stark flying off, he remembers not being able to breathe. but he can breathe now…

he tries to bolt upright but a sharp pain in his side makes him hiss and fall back to the bed.

“well, good morning, moron. or should i say good afternoon,” tony says, sitting in the chair on the other end of the room. he looks bored, scrolling through his phone. he also looks way more beaten up than he did when peter last saw him.

“how long have i been out?” peter says. he wants to cry. tony has to know. he has to. he wonders how many others know.

“several hours. oxygen deprivation and two cracked ribs can sometimes have that effect. but don’t worry, your healing factor is off the charts, almost on par with caps. you’ll be all healed by morning, if not sooner.” he sounds kinda of interested, and in any other situation peter would be tripping over himself to talk science about all the mutations he got from the spider bite, but right now all he can think about is his chest.

“who found me?”

“natasha.”

“black widow?”

tony chuckles. “i forget that’s what she calls herself. how pretentious.”

peter laughs humorlessly and ends up coughing because it hurts. “she’s pretentious? have you met yourself?”

tony looks up from his phone then mumbles, “you and pepper would get along.”

“where is it?” peter says, looking up to the ceiling. he feels himself starting to cry, he hates it.

“where’s what? oh you mean that thing that was on your chest? that had to be cut off.”

and peter feels himself choke on a sob before he can stop himself, it sends a shooting pain up his side. “that was my only binder.”

tony whistles and peter looks to him blearily through the tears welling up in his eyes. once they make eye contact tony gestures to the table next to peter’s bed. confused, peter moves his head only to have his eyes widen. some tears overflow against his will.

on the table are four high quality binders, each a different color, two of them are short binders and the other two are modeled more like tank tops.

tony stands up and walks over to the end of peter’s bed. “natasha knows, just natasha and i. sorry about that, but it couldn’t really be helped. but if it makes you feel any better natasha couldn’t care less, and even if she did she wouldn’t tell anyone.” he rolls his eyes and scowls. “she’s good at keeping information to herself.”

peter’s kind of dazed. he didn’t expect this.

“do you care?”

tony shrugs. “i don’t care that you’re trans, what i do care about is your health. you can’t wear your binders when you fight, peter. c'mon you’re a smart kid, you have to know that.”

peter sighs, kind of relieved, kind of stunned, kind of happy, kind of sad, and very tired. “i don’t fight in binders, i only did it this time because of the new suit. it’s so tight… they would have seen.”

tony makes a “hmmm” noise as he thinks, then he abruptly claps his hands together and moves towards the door. “i’ll sort that out. but right now i have places to be. happy is right next door if you need anything, and even though your healing factor is incredible i still wouldn’t over exert yourself. good job out there, kid.”

peter says thanks, but tony is already making his way out the door. everything feels kind of surreal. he looks at the binders and smiles.

So in Life Is Strange you can find Nathan’s medicine which if you look at possible side effects can cause muscle spasms. You can also watch when he shoots Chloe that he tries to shake her and says things like, “no! No! Shit!” Obvious that he didnt mean to shoot her. She pushed him away which cause his finger to twitch probably and pull the trigger….

In Before the Storm the dude bullying Nathan, Drew, calls Nathan “Twitch”.

Agents of SHIELD but it’s not as serious

so I love Agents of SHIELD don’t get me wrong but what if…there was a lighthearted show about SHIELD? Like agents who aren’t involved in all of the life-threatening missions?

“Oh god Cristina sent out another spam email about her lunch in the fourth floor breakroom fridge…someone stop her.” 

“Hey, what did Director Fury say during that speech? I spaced out after he mentioned percentages.” “Oh, same. I think it was about cutting back on the printer costs. Ask Coulson about it.” 

They tell all the newbies the urban legends that SHIELD has. Like the legend that Natasha Romanoff will protect you if you leave her three bottles of wine and a knife sharpener at her house. (No one knows where she lives, that’s the fun part of it.) Or the legend that Director Fury used to have hair. “No one has pictures, but they think that Coulson might have one,” one of the techies whispers. 

Maria Hill is a walking legend. She’s the Director’s righthand person, and for good reason. She can handle anything with absolutely zero reaction. (She comes into work covered in glitter one day, and no one questions it except for Barton. Hill responds that she was making a card for her niece. Everyone knows that that isn’t true, mainly because Maria used to live in the middle of nowhere, and she hates her family. True story.) 

The agents have a feud, like the scientists versus the fields. Only it’s much wider. The desk agents hate the field agents, because it’s like the sports vs. arts departments in school; the funding goes to sports (the field agents) while the art students get a budget, but it’s about enough to pay a pack of cheap paintbrushes and a gallon of paint. The desks’ biggest success to date is stealing the best coffee machine from the fields. 

There’s a trend started by Coulson after an agent was caught stealing extra staples, and he asked him “Do you think Captain America would think this is a good idea?” The trend starts because a.) everyone at SHIELD knew that Steve Rogers was a reckless idiot who jumped out of planes with no plan or parachute and b.) Coulson’s basically a dad. (Honest-to-god they had a company picnic and the man wore black socks with sandals.) 

And as for the company picnics??? don’t go if you can’t shoot. They have a paintball war. Last year Agent 13 couldn’t be found for six hours. It turns out she fell asleep in a tree. Barton won by not giving up. Fury grills burgers. They’re legendary. You do not want to trust whoever made the potato salad if there’s not a placard by it because almost every year the potato salad is bad in some way. 

There are SHIELD memes that get passed down through every generation. They have a phrase that basically means “don’t be stupid” but instead they say “don’t pull a Harrison” after an old agent accidentally let a serial killer get away by being distracted by a puppy. (it happens too often.) Melinda May is the starter of at least four, because she used to be this huge prankster. She even pranked Fury once. 

Secret Santas are legendary. You always want to participate. 

Everyone talks about the time Natasha Romanoff showed up to work in an insanely ugly Christmas sweater. Clint said he made it. No one was surprised. 

They have contests for who can give the best excuse as to why they didn’t do their paperwork. Maria Hill, surprisingly, is in the lead. 

“I accidentally went to Russia and left my paperwork in St. Peter’s Basilica,” she said boredly. “Whoops.” 

Apparently everyday white moms are so offended that Beyoncé took time out of her day to do a photo shoot with her twins that they’re now protesting by way of posting as unflattering as possible photos with their own kids to show “what it’s really like” as if this one shoot is at all indicative to her every day life and as if she should feel bad for her body responding well to the postpartum healing process

Because apparently a celebrity having a photo shoot done for a print or online magazine to showcase the pride of giving birth to their children and growing their family is so unheard of and offensive in this year of our lord 2017

more batfam/dc tweets

Bruce: Airport security doesn’t let you through with a wine opener, apparently. Even if you tell them, “It’s okay, I’m just a harmless alcoholic.”


Bruce: *orders something on Amazon because he needed a box*


Selina: I am having an affair
Bruce: *handing menu back to waiter* I’ll have the affair as well


*airhorn sound*
*second airhorn sound*
Stephanie: this isn’t deodorant


Dinah: I like to reassure my girlfriend that even though I don’t have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I’m a really loud screamer


Oliver Queen: kinda sucks that there’s only one day a year it’s acceptable to put on a diaper and shoot arrows at people


Alfred: You’re going out with that boy again? He’s no good.
Bruce: Relax, Alfred.
Alfred: *furiously knits a condom*
Bruce: Alfred, that’s not how it works.

Alternatively:

Martha: You’re going out with that boy again? He’s no good.
Clark: Relax, mom.
Martha: *furiously knits a condom*
Clark: Mom, that’s not how it works.


[clark drops bruce at the airport]

clark: have a safe trip!
bruce: I have no say in the matter
Clark, flying off: die then


Tim: *gets a paper cut opening a bill*
Ah, yes, capitalism.


Bruce: Alfred, fetch me my robe.
Alfred: You sold your robe and everything else you own so you could afford a butler.
Bruce: Hold me, Alfred.


Bruce: Being goth is hard. The curse on your enemy is not working. Bats are impossible to train. Deodorant marks on your black clothes. Ugh.



Selina: *holding 6 kittens* YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO ADOPT!
Bruce: Children. I wanted to adopt CHILDREN.
Selina: *defensive* They are our children.

Alternatively:

Bruce: *holding 4 orphans* YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO ADOPT
Selina: ANIMALS. I wanted to adopt ANIMALS
Bruce: *defensive* They’re Robins


Bruce: First day of school and Damian’s teacher has already sent a note home with him: “You dropped your son off at the wrong school.”

Bruce: My kids all went to bed without being asked so I’m interrogating them all to see who did what. Eventually they’ll break.


Bruce: Being a parent is great because you get to start conversations like:
Hey buddy, don’t leave your tooth on the coffee table.


Bruce: I’m not saying I’m a great dad, I’m just saying it’s a holiday weekend and I’m wearing cargo shorts with a Hawaiian shirt…