but at the same time it feels so good

Me:keeps telling myself I’m going to rest bc I know I need too

Me:never rests

Me:“why do I feel so bad when I try to push myself to do more,i only feel better when I’m laying dow-oh. Oh right.”

obamarps  asked:

i just gotta share with someone! tonight i had my tarot deck out to shuffle for the first time ever and after shuffling a few times the first card was the same as when i first took them out of the box so i figured it would mean something. i looked it up in the lil guide book that came with the deck but i couldn’t find it so i googled it and found out it’s a spare card that’s just a little extra from the artist that says “to all believers” and i feel like it was the deck welcoming me i’m so happy

Aweeee, that’s so sweet! I love hearing tarot stories, I’m sure your deck is very excited to meet you. How cute. 🙈💞

EXO: Their Crush Rejects Them

A/N: This made me sad for some reason. Thank you for requesting! x


Minseok (Xiumin)
—Minseok is the type of person to rarely express his true feelings, especially when it comes to confessing his affections. So when he got rejected by his crush, upset would be an understatement. He’ll feel embarrassed and at the same time confused at why he wasn’t good enough for them. It will take a while for him to get over them, but when he does, he will have issues in opening his feelings once again.

Junmyeon (Suho)
—A person who has pride and ego, he’ll feel really embarrassed when he got rejected by his crush. Even though it was only a crush, he’ll be greatly affected. He’ll get angry at first, mainly because he can’t accept the rejection, but when he finally got to accept defeat, he’ll lend his time to focus more on the group. After the rejection, he’ll realize it’s better to prioritize his career and take care of himself instead.

Yixing (Lay)
—Yixing is a really gentle and respectful guy, so he’ll handle rejection maturely and professionally. When his crush rejected him, he’ll be hurt of course. He only has pure intentions when it comes to the person he cares about, so Yixing can get a bit insecure when he gets rejected. And just like Junmyeon, he’ll decide to focus more on his career and get his mind off of things that hurt him.

Baekhyun
—Baekhyun will be very shocked and confused when he gets rejected by his crush. Usually the one to get the girls, it would be an unfamiliar feeling for Baekhyun to feel a slight pang in his chest because of rejection. He can be flirty, but he was really sincere when he confessed his feelings to his crush. He’ll be in dismay, but he’s naturally a happy person so it won’t take long until he gets to open his heart again.

Jongdae (Chen)
—More of a serious person when confessing his feelings, he’ll confront his crush regarding the rejection. Once he finds out why he got rejected, he’ll take this as a chance to change. Of course, he won’t change just because of a person. He’ll change in hopes to become a better version of himself. After a glow, he can get a bit petty towards his old crush. Let’s just say he’ll be singing “Feeling Myself” in a long time.

Chanyeol
—Just like Baekhyun and Junmyeon, poor baby his ego would be hurt so bad. Chanyeol is well known for his overflowing self-confidence, so just imagine getting rejected by his crush. He won’t cry, and certainly he won’t be petty. He’ll sulk for a while, and maybe doubt a few things, but after a few realizations that he is THE Park Chanyeol, he’ll be back on his feet in no time.

Kyungsoo (D.O)
—People see him as a strong and independent man, and he really is. But there is a side that people rarely see. When he starts to develop feelings for someone, he’ll be giving and honest towards that person. Rejection will be a stab to the heart. Out of the members, Kyungsoo will take the longest time to get over the heartbreak. He’ll get numerous emotions that can affect him in his work, but when he finally got over the rejection, he’ll come twice as better as before.

Jongin (Kai)
—Jongin probably takes the longest to develop a crush on someone, and he takes the shortest time to get over one. He won’t be that affected when he gets rejected by his crush. He won’t be the petty type or the one that gets uncomfortable with the person who rejected him, in fact he’ll still keep in touch. However, there is a possibility he’ll develop the same feelings for the same person, again. 

Sehun
—A bit like Jongin, he won’t be affected by the rejection. He’ll just shrug it off, and take it as another chance to find the right person for him. He’ll get disappointed sure, but rejection won’t be a huge deal for him since he’s still young. Spending his time on work and family can heal his non-existent wound in a blink of an eye.

DWTS Season 25 Week 2 Recap 1

**DISCLAIMER: This will obnoxiously be at the beginning of every recap, so feel free to skip over it when you no longer care. I started writing these recaps for my mom way back in season 9 after I went to college and we weren’t watching together anymore. I love sharing them with you, but keep in mind that tumblr is not my intended audience as I write. So if you are confused about anything or have any questions, feel free to always ask and I can try to clear it up for you! Happy reading! :)

Might be keeping my recap short tonight to try to get other things done at the same time…

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

will you be streaming again? If so, will it be the same (like will there be guests still?, what will you be doing on them?) no pressure! I love you, so glad you are back!

I think so, I do not want to make a schedule for myself because I will not follow through but I think Fridays are for sure the goal. I would stream right now while I practice editing but it is Monday so I feel it is not a good time.

To have my friends stream with me I used Discord which I deleted so … we will see if I will have others on stream with me, probably though. I just want a moment away from Discord. 

As for what is on stream always editing will be the main thing and I have recently found this little love for building so maybe doing things like that more? I like to play weird games so if I can find some more that too!

(Less ranting streams though, they do not help the situations I am in, ya know?)

Love you too and thank you!

anonymous asked:

Can´t just people fucking stop asking for promotions? What do they think you are??? They´re just being egocentric pricks that can´t get their own followers through their work. If they don´t get attention is because they´re not good or they´re just boring. Really, I wish people stop taking advantage of your good will... Seriously people, Just FUCKING STOP USING MUN. She´s doing her best with her own page, you all should do the same. Work for once!

{I appreciate the feeling of concern but… You DO know I’m exactly the kind of “not good and just boring” you’re describing right now, right? The only reason I got followers myself in the first place is because I was probably the first Jyushimatsu ask blog around here. That’s all. It came down to timing. I know I could never count on my talents especially in a fandom that’s so full of scary, scary, SCARY people. It’s now a whole sea of scary people and everyone’s virtually invisible in it, no matter how hard they work, unless they’re REALLY REALLY GUD and tbh if I can help anyone out of that invisibility even a tiny bit and even for 2 seconds then I’m happy to do it. As my favorite Western show stated jokingly, “using” and “networking” are basically the same thing and in this context I’ll be okay to accept that.

Tbh I doubt be giving promos around is even doing anything for those blogs. I hope it is but yeah… This isn’t a specifically famous blog, y’know..? I just happen to be a sucker who’s happy to help but I’m probably not the best kind of help. If anything… I’m kinda honored that this piece of shit of a blog is even considered worthy of being asked for help. I do know people who ask for promos ask to basically everyone and I’m nothing special. But still. It’s… Kinda nice to feel included in that “everyone”. I typically don’t feel included a whole lot, in fandom-related matters.

All that to say… I appreciate your concern a lot, anon, but tbh it’s all cool, and it’s all fair from their part, and I won’t stop helping. Well, trying to help would be a better word.}

anonymous asked:

Thank you jelly Mom, for blessing us Transformers fans. I have finished TFP and legit, I’m friggin sad right now because the ending was so friggin ambiguous it’s actually making me anxious. I am feeling anxious over a heck ton of rowdy robot uncles, depressed robot aunt and cinnamon roll, too good for this world OPTIMUS WHY robot Dad and it’s making me feel weirded out at the same time what are emotions help

step 1. walk carefully into this embrace I have here waiting for you, step 2. gently rest

I have no idea what’s happening to u but I will send u many a strength vibe, it sounds like your robot favs are going through some hard times and I hope that they will all make it out ok!! I am sure the story will continue in a satisfying way and that everything will be good. many hugs to you, you poor soul

2

Matt insisted on putting the glow in the dark stars up. :)

Things that were hard to accept

1. Your expectations are just that. Your expectations. People are not obligated to live up to them or abide by them. Even if they are in certain cases obligated to do so, there is no guarantee that they will. So don’t base your plans on that. And don’t base your life on that.

2. You can walk away. But so can they.
You can be hurt and you can be mad. But they will still walk away. They have that option. They can exercise that choice. People can get toxic for you. Believe it or not, so can you.

3. People have bullied you. And teased you. And judged you. But the person judging you constantly and the most harshly is you yourself.

4. They don’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself.

5. Not letting go is only keeping you sad and frustrated and stuck. They are unaffected. They are living their life wonderfully. They are free.

6. Taking care of yourself takes effort. It’s not just good feel quotes and pretty aesthetics. It’s work. A lot of work. It’s doing things that take time and sometimes it’s doing things you don’t want to do.

7. It’s gone. The past. You can regret as much as you like. But you’re only wasting more time.

8. Sometimes you are going to use the word love even though you don’t 100% want to. It’s because like is too little and there is no word in between. It’s because we use the same word for fries and for people. It’s because love means so many different things to every individual. It’s because you do love them. In one of those several meanings.

9. Sometimes you have to suck it up. It’s okay. Not every situation is meant for you to show your ‘true courage’ or real feelings.

—  creatingnikki 
In the midst of all these “Humans will packbond with anything” posts, I’m going to pause and give you some actual, real-world career advice

Ready? 

Humans are packbondy creatures.  I mean, there’s just no arguing it.  They packbond readily, and quickly, and unbelievably strongly.  Once a human has packbonded with a thing, they will do anything to help and protect that thing.  

There’s a downside to that, not often mentioned.  It uses up a lot of their time and energy to build those packbonds, maintain those packbonds, and most especially to do the work of helping and protecting those with whom they have packbonded.  It doesn’t leave them a lot of time and energy for helping other beings. 

If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first.

Yeah? So?
So you’re probably going to be working with humans for most, if not all, of your career.  No matter how good or bad you are at your job, there will come a time when you need someone else in your workspace to help you with something, whether that’s manning the fry station for 2 minutes while you pee, sending over those numbers from marketing, or dropping everything to teach you how to do a thing that your boss told you to do or else you’d be fired.  

Not to mention the big things.  They don’t give promotions to just their friends – at least not so much any more. Promotions go to the people who’ve completed big, visible, important projects.  It seems fair until you consider,,,, who gets the big, important, visible projects assigned to them in the first place?  

Humans give boosts to the people they’ve packbonded with.  They mention packbondee’s accomplishments to the boss (or the boss’ boss).  They cover for the mistakes of people they’ve packbonded with.  

That’s not right! It shouldn’t be a popularity contest! It should be about who does the best –” 
Listen to me. 
Listen.

You may be right.  You may be the most correct creature to have ever spoken since the beginning of galactic civilization. 

It
does
not
matter

Humans packbond. It’s what they do. I can’t stop it. You can’t stop it.  No power in the ‘verse can stop it. This is how the human do.

All you can do is work with it. 

If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first.

Look, I’m introverted and scared of people and I have social anxiety so I really don’t know how to –”
Hey, my pal, I feel you.  I, too, am introverted. And I have social anxiety. And I have PTSD that actually – and I recognize that this is bizarre – has ‘business networking’ as a trigger.  

For you, I have good news:
Humans will packbond with anything.  

Like, you don’t really actually have to do anything. You kinda just have to… exist. In their presence. They kinda do the rest.  

If you can talk with them, that speeds things up.  But it doesn’t have to be, like, good conversation. Like, it can totally go

You: boy, sure is hot out!
Human: Man oh man, can you believe it?
You: Wow, yeah
Human: Totally
You: ….
Human: ….

This conversation – as awkward and uncomfortable as it felt to you, has caused this human to packbond with you a little more. If you repeat it weekly, you will get good results. 

THE TAKEAWAYS

  • You need to packbond with the humans you come in contact with
  • Taking time to do that is not only justifiable, it is an important part of your job, and should be treated as such
  • That is to say that, as much as you hate it (and believe me, I understand), you have to take time away from actual work and dedicate it to packbonding with your fellow workers

Tips

  • Plan out your packbonding time. It’s easier if you can initiate than if a human springs packbonding-time on you all unexpected.  In an office job I like to use Friday afternoon, but adjust according to what makes sense to you and your situation.
  • Keep some packbonding-time questions handy.  My go-to list is:
    • (If it’s Monday or Tuesday) How was your weekend?
    • (If it’s Wednesday) How’s your week been so far?
    • (If it’s Thursday or Friday) Any big plans for the weekend?
    • How’s your day been?
  • You don’t have to care about the answers to these questions. All you have to do is remember that if the human is answering questions, they are not asking you any questions.  Therefore questions are your friend.  If you ask follow-up questions, you may be able to get through the entire packbonding time without having to do any of the talking
  • Learn to disengage from packbonding.  You can use basically the same sentence (or variants on it), but you’ll want to practice it so that you can make it sound natural.  I use “Awesome! Well, I gotta get going. Have a good one!”

I know it feels overwhelming, but a few minutes of packbonding, once a week, is all you need.  Once you build it into your habits it can be no more annoying than doing dishes or showering.  

4

Am I still thinking about that one AU? Yes, definitely

does anybody remember that one game???????? where the baseball man cleanses his hoolahoops???????????????

Bruise [ V ]

Genre [Rating] : Angst [M]

Length: 9.4k

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Summary: He wasn’t yours, and you weren’t his, but that couldn’t stop your heart from believing otherwise.

Part One: x Part Two: x Part Three: x Part Four: x

Originally posted by chanssoo

Bathes were supposed to be relaxing, everyone always said that they would be soothing to your aching muscles and wash away your problems. The water was warm against your freezing skin, the bubbles up to your chin and jostling whenever you moved your legs. The air was faintly filled with the sounds of cars driving by on the streets down below, the tires splashing in the puddles of leftover rain. The room was dimly illuminated, your wet hand glistening on the edge of the tub when the candle on the sink flickered patches of light onto your arm, giving it life when it felt so dull. Everything smelled like oranges and vanilla, your skin, your hair, even the bubbles threatening to spill over the edge of the porcelain. It all seemed relaxing, in theory. It was supposed to feel nice and like a reward after a long day, but in reality it was making you want to rip your hair from your scalp.

Because in the silent solitude all you could think about was Chanyeol.

Keep reading

random klance stuff (consider it a sequel of this post):

  • they have a very long, intense conversation about what life was like at the garrison. they talk about the subjects they disliked, the one they liked etc. at some point the convo takes a sudden turn and keith gets more personal as it continues. “i was always on my own i never tried to open myself up and i’m genuinely sorry for it. who knows maybe..maybe we could have been friends back there, maybe…maybe something more.” cue lance smiling because this boy
  • when they come back to earth i imagine keith sort of awkwardly standing to the side while the other paladins all approach their families until lance comes up to him like “keith we’re your family never forget that. by the way…. my family would love if you….spent some time with us….ya know ahahaha….because we’re friends!!!” and keith accepts gladly ofc. *at lance’s house* “aw is this the guy you had a crush on??”
  • sometimes they’ll try to prank each other but it’s pretty tame compared to actual pranks. lance, holding the space phone in his hands recording keith while he’s eating some food go: hey keith
    keith: lance…what are you doing?
    lance: HA YOU’RE ON SPACE CANDID CAMERA! SMILE! btw you’ve got some food goo on your cheek
    keith: *giggles uncontrollably*
  • a moment when one tells the other “thank you for believing in me” followed by one of those kisses where one is surprised at first, but slowly mets into it
  • lance rants with red (bc they become buds along the way) about keith sometimes although the conversation always ends on the soft side. “keith is cool but don’t tell him i said that” “lance i’m literally behind you i can hear what you’re saying” lance: *jumps*
  • they’re on a mission and have to sleep very close to each other and lance notices that keith talks in his sleep and lance teases him the next day because he mumbled something along the lines of “today’s the day of me and lance’s wedding” cue keith blushing furiously (he doesn’t deny it though)
  • keith makes lance comb his hair in the morning because he finds it extremely relaxing, and while he’s at it, he often tells him about his day or things from his childhood and lance is very pleased to hear his stories
  • after they start dating, keith puts a little picture of him and lance in the black lion, right next to the screen so that he can be reminded of something that’s very important to him everytime they go on missions
  • “lance is irreplaceable, end of the story”
  • lance asks keith if he got to say goodbye to red bc he’s the only one who can understand what it’s like to leave the lion you were bonded to and keith says “no, but i know she’s in good hands. no one could do better than you” while smiling softly at him
  • they confess their feelings at the same time, but both are ready to admit that they should have said it sooner
  • sometimes they’ll team up to do something goofy, like that one time they involved hunk in making “good luck pidge” videos
  • keith finds something to give to lance as a gift and to lance it’s like the most precious thing in the world “i know it’s nothing specia–” “are you kidding me? i’m keeping this forever!”
  • lance: *wakes up keith in the middle of the night* do you think a transformer could beat voltron? keith: go back to sleep babe
  • an incovenience: *happens* keith: the guy i like wouldn’t treat me like this lance: well the guy I LIKE wouldn’t treat me like this either! (they’re talking about each other)
  • you know where keith says there’s no time for this? this time he says it because they have to go on a mission and they can’t cuddle
  • they gotta do the “looking at each other from a distance sadly” at least once where both are about to say something but get interrupted with the classic “am i interrupting something” followed by a “ok i’ll leave you two alone” l: “were you going to say something?” k: “uhm well i…hope you have fun”
  • when! are! we! gonna! see! keith! blush!
  • i lowkey want a “do you trust me?” scene with them
  • lance: keith don’t do it
    keith: ok
    lance: oh my go— wait…babe
  • after they start dating keith would often cheer on lance when he’s about to do some of his sharpshooting tricks
  • keith and lance met at the garrison with the classic “books that fell off trope” and y’all can fight me on this
  • keith: we had another bonding moment! you cradled me in your arms!!
    lance: nope, don’t remember, didn’t happen :/
  • a diplomatic party where keith gets extremely distracted by lance throughout the whole thing and he actually confronts him about it. “dude what the hell has gotten into you today???” “sorry i was… i was looking only at one guy in the room the whole time.”
  • *team plays would you rather* keith: would you rather me kiss lance or have lance kiss me
    “keith that’s not…how the game works”
  • *discussing something* “yeah sure and i’m not cute” “but you are” “exactly“ “ok you got me”
  • lance would be super in love with keith especially during the very first days of dating when he can see him in the morning, hair all messy, and he would still think he’s the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen
  • *keiths voice*: if you remember the bonding moment clap your hands
  • they have a discussion where they decide not to talk to each other and use their friends as a way to communicate. “hey shiro CAN YOU PLEASE TELL LANCE to stop looking at me? his eyes are pretty and it’s distracting”
    “hey hunk TELL KEITH that i ABSOLUTELY do NOT feel the same. like at all.”
    hunk and shiro: we get it you like each other
  • keith asking lance on a date for the first time but trying to be subtle (he fails at it though) “so… y’know….i like spending time with you…a lot...we’ve gotten pretty close and you’ve basically stuck with me and saw me at my best and at my worst…i wouldn’t mind if we…did it more often?” “oh? sure? we can do something all together! there’s this planet with a beach th–”
    “no,no…i meant…just the two of us this time?”
    lance: *blushes* oh—-OH
  • they’d sure as hell acknowledge that they’re a power couple and would be proud of it
  • “hey beautiful” “uh?”
    “i was..talking to red, actually. but you’re beautiful too”
  • keith: I DON’T LIKE LANCE OK
    shiro: no one said anyth—
    keith: WE HAD A BONDING MOMENT I’M FINE
  • keith: *is telling a plan*
    lance: where you lead, i will follow you anywhere
    keith: aw thanks lance that’s so swee–
    lance: THAT YOU TELL ME TO IF YOU NEED YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU I WILL FOLL—
    keith: are you….are you seriously…..
    lance: yep;)
    keith: i love u with all my heart

why is summer so.. empty? 80% of my summer so far has just been feeling bad about not going out enough and just feeling gross and sad,, see this is why christmas is better

The Reunion

Originally posted by lovelynemesis

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female!Reader - Avengers x female!Reader

Request: Hey Bae 😚 would you like to do an imagine where you were Buckys wife in the 40s and after he got taken by Hydra you went through the same fate. Now 70 years later they found you during a mission captured and take you to the compound. Bucky feels overly happy but fears you won’t recognise him, but you do. So over the time you slowly get along with the new life and also your feelings for Buck didn’t change, you just experience a more intense love life 😉 this would be great & some smut hehe -anon

Warnings: Smut/NSFW (18+) - fingering and oral (female receiving) - some language - a wee bit o’ angst

Word Count: 3.6K

A/N: College is really stressful and I’ve had such a bad mental week, it’s been great. Any ways, here’s some good ol’ smut! There’s plenty more where this came from, so I hope it’s what you were searchin’ for. Requests/asks are still open, so feel free to drop somethin’!


Bucky’s P.O.V.

Y/N. Her name was Y/N.

It’s missions that this that remind me of her. The flakes falling around us bitterly kiss my face as Steve and I trudge through endless mounds of snow, heading for the large, rusted metal door embedded in the rough stone of the mountain. This is where I was kept under HYDRA control - where my previous life has ended and this new one began.

Y/N was my comfort - she kept me grounded. We had first met during a night-out in the city. I had convinced Stevie to go to a club with me, and she was the first woman I saw when I stepped into the dim room. We spent the whole night drinking and chatting, and by the end of the night, I knew she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with - I just never knew our time together would be so short.

Keep reading

firsts ✰ peter parker

summary : a collection of firsts between you and your beloved boyfriend, peter benjamin parker. 

author’s note : y’all okay this is so long my apologies i just??? went so overboard??? because i loved this so much?? also i could probably do more of these because it’s so cute and there are more things that could be added this was just already so long

  • the first time you meet peter, you’re pretty sure, at least just for a second, that you’ve officially met the human form of sunshine
  • seriously he’s always so happy??? and smiling??? and it’s honestly makes him so attractive to you in the first place
  • other than the exceptionally cute face that keeps angling itself toward you ever so slightly in ap chem class that thursday morning 
  • you’re both in lab and he’s sitting at his shared table with ned and he’s supposed to be making the mixture for his webs but oh well he’d rather stare at you like he does in every class you have together
  • (it’s three, three classes and two free periods and lunch and your locker is four down from his, not that he’s paying much attention to that sort of thing)
  • finally ned encourages him to walk up to you in class and ask for an extra beaker one day
    • “do you want my hat for some confidence boosts”
    • “no ned you’re the only one who can wear that hat properly”
    • “you’re not wrong”
  • so peter casually strolls up to your table where you’re sitting alone because your partner is absent and he bumps into the front of the desk 
  • you glance up from your work to see him holding his ribcage and mumbling under his breath
    • “oh, hi peter!” you say cheerfully
    • “wait you know my name?” ohmygodohmygod she knows who i am what the hell oh my god
    • “well duh, we have three classes together of course i do”
  • the best way to describe him in that moment is having lit up from within
  • he instantaneously smiles so wide and so excitedly as he realizes that you’ve noticed him too and maybe not in the same way he’s been noticing you but it doesn’t matter because it’s something 
  • he can work with something
  • and he definitely does
  • from the moment he slid into the empty seat next to you, turning around to give ned a completely obvious thumbs up with another wide grin, you knew you were goner
  • the first time you hold hands with peter you’re on the train with him going to meet may for the first time
  • you’re sort of together but not really but at the same time everyone knows that you and peter are pretty much dating
  • anyways peter really wants you to meet his aunt because she’s his favorite person ever but you’re slowly becoming a contender for that title
  • also may has been relentlessly asking to meet you for the past month and a half of you and peter developing strong feelings for each other so he figures now is as good a time as any
  • especially since he’s planning on asking you to be his girlfriend in the very very near future
  • so you’re taking the train back to his apartment and there’s barely any room for the both of you to sit unless he goes across the cart and the last thing this cutie wants to do is leave you 
  • he’s chilling and holding onto the pole thing by your seat and his other hand is dangling at his side kind of close to yours and he really wants to grab your hand so his fingers are kind of like twitching awkwardly ‘cause he’s not sure whether or not he should just lean down and go for it
  • you’re the one that goes for it in the end, shifting your bag on your lap before you reach out to hold his hand kind of loosely in case he doesn’t really want to
  • but he really wants to
  • and the blood rushes to his face so quickly when he glances down to see you shyly smiling up at him with your hand in his not quite firmly enough 
  • he laces his fingers through yours and makes sure you know he wants to do this more than anything else 
  • peter kind of adores hand holding
  • it makes him super happy and he feels safe and loved and cared for when you hold his hand for that first time 
  • he swings your hands back and forth between you as you trek to his apartment and he does it an exaggerated fashion that makes you laugh
  • he’s happy, so happy
  • the first time he kisses you is that same day, and it’s also the day he officially becomes your boyfriend
  • basically it’s a day neither you nor him would ever or could ever forget
  • you had just arrived at his building and you were both just standing there staring at each other with your hands still clasped together 
  • he had a dopey little happy adorable grin on his face as he bounced on his heels slightly and that made you smile so hard as well 
  • he looked like the most excited little boy ever 
  • which he was, if you really think about it
  • anyway he kind of just moves his hands up to your face for like a second and he hesitates but you nod and tell him that it’s okay so he presses them against your cheeks
    • “i- i wanna… can i… i’m gonna kiss you is that okay maybe”
    • “yeah pete, that’d be okay with me” you smile really softly at him and he nods again and he’s so nervous
  • he leans in and you lean in and you’re so close that you can practically feel his eyelashes delicately fluttering against your cheeks 
  • and then he closes his eyes and he kisses you and it’s only for like four seconds but it’s okay because you’re sure that it’s the best kiss you’ve ever experienced in your life
  • when he pulls back he’s so blushy and cute and shy with his head ducked slightly so you can’t look at him when he asks the next question
    • “so- um, maybe when i- i introduce you to may, i could possibly call you my… girlfriend? maybe? if you’d like to be…”
    • “PETERYESI’VEBEENWAITINGIWOULDLOVETOBE”
    • “OHOKAYIMSORRYTOKEEPYOUWAITING”
    • “IT’SFINEIREALLYLIKEYOU”
    • “ILIKEYOUMORE OKAY COOL LET’S GO MEET MAY”
  • the cutest babes ever :’))
  • the first time he calls you babe is maybe a week or two later
  • he doesn’t really mean to but it slips out and he can’t take it back
  • after seeing your reaction to it he doesn’t want to it back anyhow but before he notices how bright you beam at him he definitely slaps a hand over his face in embarrassment 
    • because like,,, is that even allowed am i supposed to say things like that what are relationship rules is that okay ohmygod
  • so you’re sitting at his desk and you’re going over calc homework with him and you’ve got a pen cap stuck between your lips as you concentrate and he is on his bed with one hand on his cheek and an elbow propping him so he can gaze at you the way an art connoisseur would admire a painting in the MET and he can’t help it
  • it just slips out like
    • “i got really lucky when i met you babe”
    • but he doesn’T MEAN TO SAY BABE AND HIS HEART KIND OF GOES !!!!!!!! but in a bad way
    • he’s like ah fuck i ruined it
    • but you spin around in his little spinny chair that you love and you grin at him and then he relaxes a bit and thinks hey ok good job peter so suave and charming nice one man and pats himself on the back a bit
    • “babe huh”
    • he tries to play it cool but he squeaks out “ummm yeah well like if you’re cool with it ya know haha” 
  • spoiler alert ! you’re v cool with it
  • the first time he says i love you isn’t during some big grandiose argument about him being spider-man
  • in fact it’s probably the lamest fucking thing ever and he kind of regrets not making it a bigger deal to tell you that he loves you but like whatever
  • it makes for a funny story
  • he’s been up with you the past two weeks studying for a history final that has you stressed out you haven’t kissed him hello in like… two days
  • you get out of your final and you’re like sweating from the stress of it and from holding your breath while answering questions because half of the shit you studied for isn’t on the test??? and like??? american education system whatever bye
  • he doesn’t even have a test that day but he waits outside the room for the hour and a half anyway
    • “you probably aced it babe you’re so smart i bet you did wonderfully i’m so sure of it”
    • “when i go to summer school you’re gonna wanna take those words back peter benjamin parker”
      “shut up let me supportive gosh y/n… anyways wanna go get celebratory donuts, my treat obviously”
    • “yes let’s go right now”
  • so another few days pass and you’re getting the tests back and peter skips the last ten minutes of his advanced english class to linger outside your door so he can be the first to greet you when you leave
  • the bell rings and you’re the last one out 
  • (this is mostly to tease peter because you know he’s outside the door he’s not good at being inconspicuous even if he’s spider-man)
  • you finally come out and he bounds over to you with wide eyes and places his hands on your shoulders 
    • *drmatically* “tell me the news”
    • *sadly* “well i…” *dramatic pause* “acED IT WITH FLYING COLORS PETER I PASSED !!!!!”
    • he practically squeals with happiness and he hugs you so tightly you’re lifted off your feet as he babbles on “oh my gosh i knew you could do it i’m so proud i love you so much you’re so smart i can’t believe i’m with a genius wow”
  • you step back with your mouth sort of agape in shock and peter tilts his head at you in confusion because he didn’t know that he said it just came out like words tend to do with him
    • “peter”
    • “what?????”
    • “you just you loved me”
    • “wait i did” he takes a moment to remember what he said and then he does and he just goes “aw damn it that’s not how i wanted to say it now it’s ruined god damn it”
    • and you’re just like the epitome of the heart eyes emoji because he looks so distraught that he ruined the moment 
    • “peter shut up for a second you dummy i love you so much too”
    • “oH REALLY WOW THAT’S AWESOME
  • he’s a huge dork
  • but you wouldn’t have it any other way because this is the nerd that you love and would love for as long as possible

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Steps to Self-forgiveness

1. Take responsibility for what you said or did.

2. Think about how you were feeling at the time, or what was driving you to act in that way.

3. Related to this, try to identify the underlying need, or the motive behind the thing you now regret. (For example, respect from others, approval from others, wanting to feel good about yourself, wanting to pay another back, and so on.)

4. Express your regrets and attempt to make amends if your words or your actions have affected someone else.

5. Think of how you’ll change and will act differently, if the same situation occurs again. This is the real person that you truly want to be.

6. Write yourself a caring and empathic letter where you forgive yourself, and tell yourself you can move on.

7. Remember that you’re human – and we all have deep regrets; and we’re all on a journey – for there’s no-one who is perfect.