but at the end you'll just want to rip your heart out of your chest

You'll be alright ♡ Bellamy Blake Imagine

A/N: ‘Having a miscarriage (bellamy, please)?Only if you’re comfortable’ Okay guys! Here you go, hope it’s alright. I’m not exactly 100% sure about miscarriage so I’m really sorry for any inaccuracies. :)

Warnings: Miscarriage xx 

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“Bellamy,” You whimpered feeling a pain in your abdomen, your hand instinctively flying to the area, shielding the life inside. He awoke with a start at your pained tone, his eyes wide with panic as he glanced at you, tears gathering in your eyes.

“Hey, Y/N? What’s up babe?” He asked, his voice still heavy with sleep but worried, his hand over yours.

“Something’s wrong.” You whispered frantically, the tears in your eyes spilling onto your cheeks.

“Shhh, hey it’s okay. Let’s go to Clarke, okay? Y/N? Look at me.” His hand moved your hand to look at him before he kissed you before getting out of bed and pulling back the covers.

The gasp died in your throat and was replaced with a sob as deep red blood covered the sheets and the inside of your thighs.

“Please no.” You whimpered as Bellamy picked you up. Against his chest you could hear his rapidly beating heart and the panic in his voice as he shouted for the blonde. Your best friend. Who could hopefully make the pain in your chest go away and tell you everything would be okay.

____

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Clarke said after she’d examined you, her eyes looking into yours, pain and guilt reflecting in the sea of blue.

“I’m so sorry…” She trailed off, taking your hand as you just stared in your lap, Bellamy wrapping his arms around you from behind.

You just shook your head. You wouldn’t believe it, you couldn’t. They weren’t gone. You hadn’t miscarried. He or she or whatever it wanted to be was fine, they had to be. They had to be.

“No,” You croaked, the tears not stopping as you turned into Bellamy as his hand trailed soothing circles on your back. He kissed your temple, drawing your shaking body into him. You felt his hot, wet tears fall onto your face.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Clark whispered, drawing you into a hug before kissing your forehead, leaving without another word and the weight of tears in her footfalls.

____

You two sat enveloped in each other’s arms for a long time, long enough so the sun had started peeking through the medical tent.

“I’m so sorry Bell. It’s all my fault.” You whispered into his neck. His arms constricted tighter before withdrawing as his tear filled eyes looked into yours.

“Don’t you dare. This wasn’t your fault Y/N.” He whispered, squeezing your hand. 

“It is.” You insisted, the sobs ripping from your lips. He shook his head further and you snapped.

“It is! It’s all my fault! Don’t you get it Bellamy? We lost our kid, our child. Our little prince or princess. Our warrior. We won’t ever know what they would’ve looked like, we don’t know their first word, we don’t know who they would’ve ended up with. Who they would’ve snuck out of camp with because we didn’t approve. Don’t you get that? You won’t ever have to threaten the boys that would’ve come after them if it was a girl. I don’t know what to do Bell.” 

You collapsed in a heap in Bellamy’s lap feeling him leave a kiss to your temple before your emotions overwhelmed you and you fell into a deep and troubled sleep.

____

The next few days dragged by slowly, feeling as though your heart was being stretched along, not wanting to bear the emotions of each day that passed. Bellamy was there constantly, he was your rock. And you didn’t understand how he was being so strong when you had lost the one thing that he had been looking forward to.

Clarke often came to check on the two of you, offering you water or anything really, which you both appreciated.

____

It was around the three day mark when you uncurled yourself and said that you wanted to go outside. Bellamy had nodded and helped you to your feet.

“You okay my Queen?” He teased lightly and you chuckled before walking with his hand clasping yours. It felt nice, it felt like shelter, it felt like love and it felt like home. And maybe you weren’t okay right now, maybe it would take some time, for both of you. But somehow, you knew that together, you’d both be alright.