but afraid to talk about age

Anonymous asked:

I’m sorry to bother you, but recently an agent rejected me. At this point I’m used to it, but what bothered me was that she was afraid that I didn’t have “authorial authority”. I’ve looked it up, and what I can conclude is that she doesn’t think that I know what I’m talking about. My question is, do you think she thought that because I am so young?


It’s very possible that she was making an age-based assumption. It’s also possible you may not know your subject matter as well as you think. For example, if you’re a young writer who has never been in a relationship or married, but you’re writing about divorce, your portrayal may not feel authentic to people who have been through that. On the other hand, maybe you know about it because you went through it with your parents. If you know you know your subject matter, you can just ignore people who make snap judgments about your age. You may need to hold out a little longer for someone to give you a chance, but not everyone will judge you like that. Also, if there’s an opportunity in your query letter for you to say something like, “This is a subject near and dear to me because I went through it with my family…” it may help potential agents to see that you do have firsthand experience in what you’re writing about despite being younger. :)

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Have a writing question? I’d love to hear from you! Prohibited questions: portrayal of diverse characters, portrayal of emotions, specialist knowledge questions (medical, military, mental health, etc.), “how to portray/describe,” asking for tropes/cliches, asking for resources; broad, vague, or complicated questions. See master list & main site for more info!

so, my name Is sophie and I’m 15 years young but can act like an idiotic child. I’m from the UK so if your down to talking you need to be able to keep you with my constant sarcasm and my complaining of the weather although the past week the it’s been really ice weather but that’ s gone. I really couldn’t careless about race or sexuality or anything of that kind. Who cares we’re all young. I do make lots of stupid comments about myself so don’t be afraid to do the same. Don’t care about age as long as you’re not a creepy old guy or a little girl who shouldn’t be online. 

I just need to talk to someone who is as lost as me and doesn’t mind talking about random stuff in the middle of the night or in the middle of the day. My main interest if food and I listen to every genre of music other than jazz and country sorry. I do love a good sport to watch or play. I speak English obviously and some French and Arabic and very minimal German. so if you want to talk then let’s talk.

email: gymsophie@hotmail.co.uk

B99 + Apartment AU: in which Jake, Charles, Rosa, and Amy live together while attending the police academy.

  • They technically see each other every day at training, but they all still try to hang out together once a week. (Usually movie nights, occasionally game nights, sometimes with alcohol, always in pajamas.) 
  • Charles offers to make dinner for all of them some time during their first week together. – He makes a dish involving bull testicles and is never allowed to cook for them again. (He’s still allowed to make hot cocoa though, which Jake asks for every time he comes home with a bruise.) 
  • Amy dies a little on the inside every morning Jake sleepily pads into the kitchen, hair still messed up from sleep and voice still a bit hoarse. 
  • The smoke alarm goes off almost every time Amy attempts to cook something. 
  • The number of times Amy has thought about just walking over to Jake’s room and kissing him senseless is  r i d i c u l o u s.
  • Rosa has at least three extra locks on her door, and none of the others have seen the inside of her room. (After catching Gina sneak out of there the morning after their graduation, Jake bribes her into telling him exactly how it looks like.) 
  • Jake somehow manages to leave various articles of clothing everywhere, and this annoys Amy to no end. (Partly because each rumpled shirt just makes her think about what it would feel like to tear his clothes off herself.)
  • Amy puts a calendar on their fridge and implements a cleaning schedule, with the chores all divvied up between the four of them. Jake complains very loudly about this at first but later has a ton of fun dancing around their living room while vacuuming and scream-singing Taylor Swift songs.
  • Charles regularly helps Rosa with her texting game. (Amy tries to contribute at some point, but her offer to proofread messages is quickly shot down.) 
  • From her room, Amy hears the door slamming closed followed by the sound of muffled voices and giggling. She peaks her head out a bit, and her stomach lurches when she catches a blur of bodies making their way toward Jake’s room. She crashes at Kylie’s that night because the walls in their apartment are thin, and she doesn’t want to hear a thing. (It’s a drunken one night stand that doesn’t come to anything because the girl’s apparently in law school studying to be a defense attorney.) 
  • Charles and Rosa do yoga together on Sunday mornings. They try to get Jake and Amy into it, but Jake just makes a joke out of everything, and Amy becomes weirdly competitive about it. 
  • Jake once woke everyone up at an ungodly hour because he had been watching a nature documentary and yelling over the grossness of live births. He since then has been banned from watching nature documentaries past midnight. 
  • Every so often (more and more frequently as time passes), Jake and Amy find themselves sitting on the floor of their living room way past 2 am, just talking and laughing. (Charles and Rosa can hear them from their rooms, but neither of them say anything about it.)  
  • Through the wall between their rooms, Rosa can hear Amy creepily singing songs before each big test/evaluation at the academy. The third time this happens, Rosa knocks on Amy’s door and stays with her until she’s calmed down. (”You’ll do great. Stop stressing, dum-dum.”)
  • Jake runs out of shampoo and doesn’t want to dig through Charles’ erotic shampooing kit, so he sneaks into the girls’ bathroom and steals a bit from the first bottle he sees. (Turns out it’s Amy’s, and it drives him nuts that he smells like her the whole day. Amy somehow doesn’t notice, but Rosa threatens to castrate him if he ever enters their bathroom again.) 
  • Charles likes to blast show tunes while doing chores or cooking large meals (or doing anything, really). They’ve all had front row seats to his renditions of choice songs from Oliver, Annie, and Cats. 
  • Amy’s usually pretty neat, so Rosa is shocked to enter her room to find nuts all over the floor… and on her shirt, and in her hair, and somehow on her bed a few feet away. (”Jake said I couldn’t catch any of these with my mouth, so I’m just-” “Don’t care. Call me if you grab each other’s asses.”) 
  • Jake’s been thinking of asking Amy out for ages, but he’s too afraid of the potential fallout. Both Charles and Rosa try to talk him into doing something about his feelings.
  • Amy once catches Jake coming out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Needless to say, all work was forgotten that evening, and she had to take a long shower herself. 
  • It’s during one of their 3 am heart-to-heart convos that Jake and Amy finally kiss, and they don’t end up sleeping until the sun starts to rise. When Amy comes out of Jake’s room close to lunch time (donning one of his checkered shirts, because her pajama top is nowhere to be found), she finds a spread of various aphrodisiacs (courtesy of Charles) and a box of condoms (courtesy of Rosa) on their dining table. 

Shout out to @peraltiagoisland, @elsaclack, @dogworldchampion, @stardustsantiago, and @tiadorable for letting me yell about this AU and helping me come up with these headcanons!!!!!!!!

Life With G-Dragon

Writer ; ~ MonsterYuYu/Yuyu ~

A/N ; “This is like.. very very long.. ;~;. Shows how things would progress! “


Being Friends ;

  • Your first meeting would be at a Fashion Show
  • Somehow you would sit next to him, your friend on the other side
  • During the show, he would comment with you the outfits and the styles
  • Not really talking much just from time to time because of the cameras
  • But in the dinner, something that was private and no cameras was allowed
  • Jiyong would start talking to you, complimenting your style and choice of clothing
  • Would also talk with your friend, introducing his own friends also
  • After that, he would ask your number to stay in touch
  • Your first meeting wouldn’t be often, but patience is key in the start
  • Having 2 meeting per month, it wasn’t too bad.
  • But it was a matter of time until he was asking you to meet him more and more
  • Because both of you were alike and enjoyed the same things
  • He would put effort to try meeting you with other friends too
  • Because he didn’t want people being over you too much, especially the cameras and the media
  • As the friendship grew, you would meet the other BigBang members, getting along pretty well with they
  • You suddenly would find yourself in the middle of celebrities
  • Not that you would mind it, of course
  • Jiyong would take a lot of pictures with you, but only publishing these where you two were with other friends, never tagging your account as well
  • He would post some pictures of you both on his private account
  • Of course, he invited you to follow his private account after about 8 months of friendship 
  • Knowing that he really considers you a close friend when he goes to you asking for advice
  • After a year of friendship, you both would be trying to set each other in dates
  • Let’s just say that it was a fail every time and you both had to comfort each other shortly after the relationship
  • Going shopping together would happen, but not so often
  • Because he’s a fashionista, if you needed advice about a clothing he would gladly point out what you should wear and what not
  • Min HyoRin would be your best friend, she was often around because of YoungBae and you two just started to do everything together
  • When you agreed to go out with her and YoungBae with Jiyong tagging along, it was kinda awkward
  • They both were a couple and you and Jiyong would be a bit awkward because of it
  • It didn’t last long, you both would talk about how it was so awkward and cringe together, laughing
  • Some people would ship you and Jiyong together, but you both didn’t pay much attention to it

Crush ;

  • Finding out you had a crush on Jiyong was a bit of a shock
  • Because just yesterday he was only a friend in your eyes but now it’s different?
  • Jiyong would also start liking you
  • The others members would realize he liked you before he himself realized
  • It would be a bit awkward because of this, everyone would notice that you two were a bit different towards each other
  • But after that phase, he would just be around you more
  • Going out more than normally and looking out for you more than normally
  • People would notice that his clubbing would stop
  • And that he was spending more time with you
  • It was pretty obvious that he liked you, but they didn’t know if you felt the same
  • So they were afraid of saying anything to you, what if it destroyed your guy’s friendship
  • Would support everything you wanted to do, and even help if he cans
  • He really wanted to confess
  • But there were so many things holding him back from doing it, such as cameras, the media, his fans
  • Mainly because he was afraid that you would reject him
  • In the end, he just asked you out, after 3 months of liking you he just decided to give it a shot
  • Was really surprised and blushy when you said ‘yes’
  • He planned the date carefully, he didn’t want to get caught neither hurt you because of his career as an idol
  • Jiyong couldn’t give you a normal date, but he tried his best to take you out
  • Your date would be in the middle of the night, around 3 in the morning.
  • It would go well, you both would enjoy it
  • In the date, you would see a new side of Jiyong, Shy smiles and genuine smiles
  • Teasing would be daily, mainly coming from Seungri and YoungBae
  • Your dates would mostly be inside the YG Building, entering the building with the trainees so no one would suspect of anything

Boyfriend ;

  • Getting him to settle down was a hard task
  • He loved you, that for sure
  • So for a long time, you just were kinda of… friends with benefits or something like that
  • Not saying you were both in a relationship, but not denying it either
  • Jiyong is very romantic, he would do little things that made your heart flutter
  • But it was just normal to him and he didn’t really pay attention to it
  • You two would be official when a paparazzi caught both of you on a date
  • He decided it was time to finally take act, he confirmed you guys relationship
  • Something he never did before to his other girlfriends
  • He just wanted to be with you, he really believed that you were the one and all that hate wouldn’t bother you, he wouldn’t let it
  • After a day of the relationship being confirmed, he would write a letter to his fans in his Instagram
  • Thanking the ones who supported his choice and telling the ones that weren’t so positive about it that he deserved to love, that he deserved to have someone in his life like everyone else
  • After the relationship was confirmed, he wouldn’t post pictures of you both on his public Instagram, only on his private one
  • You also would have an Instagram
  • Jiyong would like to make hidden messages in pictures of you both, wearing something that you wore and even something that were very easy to see
  • The hate would stop as time passed
  • Some fans were expecting you both to break up, but that wouldn’t be the case
  • Time passed and passed, and your relationship would hit 5 to 6 years
  • All that time, Jiyong treated you like a queen
  • He would go on dates at day, not really caring much about paparazzi anymore if they wanted to take pictures, let they take
  • It would just be confirming he didn’t plan to break up anytime soon
  • He would meet your parents at the 2 years of the relationship, not wanting to keep avoiding they anymore
  • Would also introduce you to his parents who would gladly accept you without hesitation
  • Because well… Jiyong never introduced his girlfriend to his parents
  • Also, writing you songs would be a thing, and he wouldn’t put these songs to the public, they are only for you to hear
  • Loves skinship or any affection, it’s like he craves they and never gets tired
  • Going with you to your friend’s parties even if they don’t know your friend because YOU’RE going
  • Death glares anyone that checks you out or stays more than 10 seconds looking
  • Gets easily jealous, but when he gets jealous over these little things, he just sulks to himself and just gets over it quickly
  • Fights wouldn’t happen often, they were really rare
  • But when you two fought it was really intense, something serious would have happened
  • Jiyong often knows what he did wrong and apologizes
  • So that’s why
  • These intense fights would lead to rough sex as apologies, marking your body possessively with his teeth marks and hickeys
  • He would be more into Lovemaking
  • But could get very kinky if you wanted to, he would put your pleasure before his, he always did this every since the first time you two had sex
  • If there were kids into your family, Jiyong would be all over they, he loves kids
  • Talks often about having kids but doesn’t push you if you’re not ready, also wants to create music for a little more before fully settling down with you
  • He thinks about marriage often but never tells you
  • When he first thought about it, he put a really long time thinking, would ask your parents that he wished to marry you, but not now, just to get their blessing so he could stay more relaxed
  • When he goes to variety shows, you always are brought up, he doesn’t hesitate to talk about you anymore
  • It’s public, it’s been long since you two are dating and people are already used to it
  • His fans grew up and accepted you, happy that you were making Jiyong shine more than he did already

Marriage ;

  • He was really excited and wanted to get married quickly
  • It was time, he was already at the age where he wanted to settle down completely and start a family before he got too old
  • He proposed in public, he wasn’t afraid of people seeing or hearing him declare his love for you
  • He would just show up with your whole family in a street of Seoul, get on his knees and ask for you hand
  • That would be the topic on the internet for days
  • YoungBae married first, and Jiyong wanted to quickly follow behind
  • He didn’t do it because he wanted to quickly follow YoungBae, he just wanted to finally claim you as his wife
  • It would be an expensive wedding, he wouldn’t save any money, he wanted to show your parents, his parents and you guys family that he would give his all in this relationship
  • It was no surprise that Jiyong wanted to have a baby quickly, he said that all the time
  • Your honeymoon would be in Japan, and of course, Jiyong would talk about having a baby now that you guys were married
  • If you accepted he would get right into it
  • Let’s just say that in less than 4 months you were already pregnant, he really didn’t give you a break when you accepted to carry one
  • While you were pregnant he would be a bit protective
  • Doing your chores for you, it would get a bit annoying how he would be all over you
  • But he only wanted you to not stress, because that could turn bad for the baby like the doctor said
  • He would be there for all the check-ups
  • Also, would take pictures of the baby bump and posting it on his child Instagram
  • When you guys discovered the gender, you two would quickly jump into thinking about names
  • Just after the moment the name was decided, Jiyong created an Instagram for his child, posting your baby bump
  • Till’ the day it was born
  • Would cry when he got to hold the tiny baby he and you created, he had been waiting and wanting for this to happen for so long and now
  • His baby was there in his arms, so small and fragile
  • After the nurses got the baby to weight and height him he would quickly move to your side
  • Kissing your forehead and wiping your sweat
  • He could imagine what you went trough to bear his child, you guys child and wanted to care about you
  • Let’s be honest, Jiyong would spoil his child
  • He practically would buy the whole clothe store for his child and all the toys they looked to
  • You would have to stop him from giving your child everything
  • If they cried in the middle of the night and he was there, he would be the one to quickly move to his kid side and try to calm they
  • Would love to take family pictures
  • Your mornings would be you preparing you guys food after you did the baby’s
  • And Jiyong feeding the baby, with a big smile on his face while he played around a bit with his kid
  • The kid was the most precious thing to him in his eyes
  • After he married, he stopped doing so much work and stayed with you more and more
  • You and he would get numerous invites to appear on ‘Return of Superman’
  • I think he would accept it so he could show that he was a great father and that he could take care of his kid alone
  • Would also be a form of him spending more time with his kid and making their first word ‘appa’ and not ‘eomma’
  • Matching outfits with your kid would be something he would do all the time
  • Jiyong would be a great father in general, always loving his kid
  • Wants more kids after his current one becomes 5 years old if you want, he wishes for a big family
  • But please, watch jiyong he can be a bit immature from time to time and fight playfully with his own kid

5

You play wingman for your fellow warden during the Blight only for him to talk smack about you later. HOW RUDE.

I just realized I misspelled Ferelden wrong. *hides face in shame*

Edit: Don’t be afraid to check out my other Dragon Age comics if you enjoyed this one! 
2

Ljuba Prenner (1906-1977) was a Slovenian writer and lawyer. He* was baptised as Amalija Marija Uršula but started calling himself Ljuba early in childhood. In high school, he got a short men’s haircut and started wearing men’s clothes. Because of his gender (presentation) he had to work a lot harder than his peers to pass and had to transfer high schools several times all while supporting himself, but he persisted and moved to Ljubljana to study law after graduating high school in Belgrade. He got his PhD in law in 1941, and started working with the National Liberation Front, saving Slovenian prisoners from Italian prisons and concentration camps based on a fake law he made up, until Germans caught him. He fought for justice his whole career and was very passionate about saving people from death sentence and staged trials. His progressive political views often clashed with authorities and he was banned from practising law for seven years, expelled from Slovenian Writers’ Society, banned from writing, and sentenced to a working camp for two years.

Despite the problems he encountered as a writer, he published a lot of short stories, children’s stories, and had two theater plays and an opera libretto staged. He also went down in history as the author of the first proper Slovenian detective novel (allegedly written on a bet). He also wrote first person (using masculine grammatical gender) love poetry for his lover. He loved art and was friends with many important artists of the time.

Little is known about his romantic life. He lived with maths professor Slavica Rems, who also kept a lot of his unpublished manuscripts, and was later close with teacher Štefka Vrhnjak. They wanted to grow old together, but Štefka died of cancer which broke Ljuba’s heart. He met Štefka’s niece Marija Mrzel Krenker and her family at the funeral and started spending a lot of time with them, eventually moving in and living with them as a family member. Jerca Mrzel, one of the daughters, says that the kids saw Ljuba as a father figure and referred to him as “striček” (uncle).

He was known for facing prejudice with a good sense of humor. His legal assistant recounted a story of him entering the office on the first day of work in a new legal firm with a batch of kremna rezina cakes, saying, “I’m Dr. Ljuba Prenner, not a man nor a woman and I brought you cakes so that you can treat yourselves.” (“Jaz sem dr. Ljuba Prenner, ne moški ne ženska, tukaj imate torte in se posladkajte.”) There is only one known written account of him talking about his gender presentation in a letter, saying, “Wearing trousers makes living easier for me, I suffer in skirts, and God only knows why that is. I was afraid of being myself for years, but I am myself now, and people have finally stopped paying it any mind.” He also famously responded to rumours and slander saying, “Anyone who talks behind my back is talking to my ass.” (“Kdor za mojim hrbtom govori, se z mojo ritjo pogovarja.”)

He died of cancer aged 71, nursed through his final months by the Mrzel family.

_____________________________________________________________

*I use he/him pronouns for Ljuba, because one of his step daughters confirmed that he referred to himself in masculine grammatical gender among friends, and allegedly also in letters to them (but those have not been published yet). It is also possible that his chosen name was Ljubo (masculine) and not Ljuba (feminine) but since all sources that I have found insist on calling him Ljuba (and most a woman) it’s hard to tell.

Last night I had a long talk with my sister, Alexis. She asked me how it feels to be 28 and I confessed that I’m kind of just ready for 30. I told her that 10 years ago, 30 seemed completely geriatric to me and I was in no hurry to get there, but now that I’m at the threshold of a 3rd decade, I realize how young this still is. I grew up watching a lot of people sort of hit a ceiling in their 30s. Watching people I looked up to burnout or max out so prematurely was terrifying, but when I think about myself, my ceiling is still so high above me. I’m not settled yet. I still have so much to do, to see, to make, to influence. I’m not afraid of getting older, because older for me has never been a destination. Age is just a vehicle.

Later in our conversation we talked about somethings I’m still trying to heal from. And in that conversation I learned from her that I’m not a woman who can have her “ho card” or “whistle” pulled. I’ll spare the details, but I feel good about that going into this new year. I can’t be shaken or knocked off my square. I can’t be manipulated or dominated. I’m solid. I’m steadfast. I’m not easily broken. That’s gotta be the theme this year.

Last thing, photo shoots on the night before I turn another year are gonna be a thing Lex and I do forever. 💚

Seb Dating Someone Younger Would Include
Author’s note: Please let it be known that in this instance, by younger, I do not mean dating a thirty-four year old as a fourteen year old as that is wholly inappropriate and also illegal. Also I’m sorry for inconsistent uploads as of late, I’m graduating very soon and I also have a birthday coming up really soon.
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- Him wanting to post pictures of you all the time but he doesn’t because he’s afraid of the backlash that you might get
- You “borrowing” his clothes a lot
- He is very private with your relationship and is hesitant to talk about you in interviews because he’s afraid of the backlash that you may get
- That’s not to say he is ashamed of you in anyway, he loves you deeply and is proud to be dating you, he is afraid of the effects that his “passionate” fans may have on you
- On the occasion that he does talk about you/ posts a picture with you etc, he asks you not to look at it for fear comments would have a negative effect on you
- As much as he denies it, he is slightly insecure you’ll find someone closer in age and that you can “relate to” (his metaphorical words not mine) better and you’ll leave him
- When the two of you go anywhere together in your own car, he drives
- Him taking you to try new things all the time
- Making jokes about the age difference constantly, for example he’d say “back in my day….” and you’d follow up with a “when was that 1842?”
- He is your number one supporter in anything you do
- He takes candid pictures of you all the time
- While he wants to shield you from everything negative that could be said about you, you still see some of the stuff. Sure, it will upset you, the comments on your Instagram or Twitter, but you will always have Seb there to reassure you
- Nose kisses
- He’s the most excepting human ever when it comes to you
- He always tells you how proud he is of you because he remembers what it’s like for a lot of young people and he always wants to make sure you feel validated, loved, and appreciated

Hellsing & Vulnerability: Alt. How Sad is Alucard?

Gentlemen… I am a nerd.

Case in point: during my lunch breaks, instead of surfing Facebook—something I save for the comfort of my couch—I am on the TED talks website. Nothing makes my day like learning something new; I would take infinite college courses if they didn’t cost a dime, no matter how stressful the workload would be. Give me a lecture on anthropology or ancient history and I am happy as a lark.

Recently, my lunchtime lecture was given by self-proclaimed researcher-storyteller Brené Brown. It was entitled “The Power of Vulnerability”, and I highly recommend you view it [link here], if you’re interested in human nature like I am. Anyway, so I’m sitting there, half-reclined with the door to my classroom locked and fully engrossed in both the video and the sandwich in my hand, when it hits me. I’ve heard of inspiration washing over people like a wave, but when I get it, it’s like an arrow straight to my brain: sudden, unexpected, and I can’t think of much else afterwards.  

My brain sent a single thought through my head, one that made me stop chewing and run it through two or three times to make sure I’d heard it right: Alucard’s greatest fear is vulnerability.

Emotionally, that is.

Well, wait, I countered myself, taking another bite of my sandwich. Who isn’t afraid of vulnerability? It’s sort of a given: we don’t want to let anyone else—who can do harm—into the deepest, most secretive part of our souls. But then, as I thought more, I realized that although we as humans try to hide it, vulnerability also has a little habit of sneaking through.

Humans, as a species, are amazing. My favorite thing to learn about is universal experience. For example, all nations seem to have the odd occurrence where a child’s father tells corny jokes that often fall flat, but are funny because they fall flat. But dad jokes aside, universal experience bleeds into vulnerability like pink on a white dress. You don’t have to know someone’s language to know that they’re smiling because they’re happy, or covering their eyes and cowering because they’re afraid. Body language, facial expression, the look in their eyes—it all goes without saying, no matter who you are or where you’re from. Isn’t that amazing???!

(Clears throat) Since I was supposed to be talking about Hellsing, I’ll use an example from the manga/OVA. Also—do I even have to mention spoilers at this point? It should be assumed, but even so: spoilers!

The scene I’m thinking about is not Alucard, but rather his master. When Walter shows up on the streets of London, dressed in conveniently found leather and sporting some impressive age reducing cream, everyone is astounded. Seras gasps dramatically, Alucard smiles like he always does, the Iscariots go “No, no, don’t step there!” collectively. But what always got me was Integra’s reaction. Not immediately, though she does kind of waste her nicotine on the bloody ground, but afterwards, when Alucard asks her what he’s supposed to do—kind of. That one page became one of my absolute favorites in the manga, and it’s an excellent jumping point for our talk about vulnerability.

See, Hirano didn’t have to say “Oh, she’s super sad. That was her butler and kind of her second dad and now he’s thrown their relationship away to fight another dick also dressed up in leather”. He didn’t need to say it. She says it all without a word in edgewise about it: clenched fists, watery eyes, a tightness in her stance that suggests fighting back tears… she’s in despair. When you see a panel like this, it’s all too easy to remember that she’s a young 20+ woman who just lost the last person she could theoretically call family.

Heartbreaking, but what’s my point? Think about it. She was in the middle of a war, her house is on fire, vampires are trying to bite her, she was unofficially kidnapped and held hostage by a bunch of weirdos working for the Vatican, and she remains calm and cool. Her breaking point only comes when something cuts her to the core, something that she can’t deal with without instantly having to fight against the tears that would show everyone—enemies included— “hey, I’m hurting emotionally, I really need comfort and reassurance.”  

POINT #1: Vulnerability shows when a person feels a pain so great that it strikes a chord within their soul. Remember it, bookmark it: it’ll come back up later.

Another big thing, that I didn’t really think about until Mrs. Brown touched on it, was that the only people who don’t feel shame are the ones who lack the ability to connect empathetically with others. Now, I know you just read that and thought “Wait, weren’t we talking about vulnerability?”, but trust me on this. It’s just another point I’m making.

Now, let me ask you this: What is the defining term between the words psychopath and sociopath? Most people put them on the same lines, but there’s a major, major difference. That term is conscience. Psychopaths lack a conscience. They feel no sense of right or wrong about what they do. They can’t connect with others. Sociopaths, according to experts, have a weak conscience. They feel guilt or remorse, but it’s not strong enough to guide their hand like it might be in the average person’s mind.  

Now, Mrs. Brown found in her research that the underlying cause for shame, for people saying ‘I’m not ___ enough, I don’t deserve love or happiness” is excruciating vulnerability. The people who were ashamed of themselves were also afraid to let their inner selves show to the world. And the only people who don’t feel shame are psychopaths, who lack empathetical connections with others.

Point #2: Sociopaths can feel shame; therefore, they can feel vulnerable. You can probably see where I’m going at this point, right?

Last point: Mrs. Brown, in her findings, talked about something called “numbing vulnerability”. She talked about how humans will try to numb the emotions that they don’t like or agree with, the ones that cause them pain or go against what they consider their morality. Think of monks and nuns giving up pleasures for devotion, that sort of thing. But humans can’t just numb things that make them suffer. When they do, it starts numbing other things, too. You can get rid of shame, of guilt, disappointment, but at what cost? Joy, gratitude, happiness.

POINT #3: Those who chose to fight against vulnerability, become miserable.

Think of the London Blitz, or as I call it: manga catharsis. Everyone—Iscariot, Hellsing, Millennium: they all blew up, shot a man or two, got their emotions out, and if they lived they went on with their lives. SAY THAT I’M WRONG. Out of all the people that could have cried their eyes out there, which one of them did? (looks at camera like the office) Which one of them had a complete screaming, crying meltdown and showed a surprising amount of true vulnerability to a dying man as well as like, fifty other people who were just kind of hanging back and watching it all play out?

It wasn’t Seras, I’ll tell you that much. T_T;

Let’s take our three main points and apply them to the 600-year-old… uh… guy.

Point 1: Why did he have that fit in the first place? Catharsis, I tell you! Anyway, he was angry at Anderson for becoming a… plant thing dude. Ugly. He was mad at Anderson for turning ugly. (coughs) But if we take that point into thought, Anderson’s ugliness—okay, the nail loophole—cut him so deeply that it struck a chord within him, and he couldn’t help but rant and rave against what had happened. And, we can assume that unlike Integra, it went so deeply that he couldn’t stop the tears in time. Why? Because—and this is a bit of conjecture, but I think I can safely say—what Anderson did hit on a source of deep shame for Alucard, shame that he hadn’t been strong enough, brave enough, whatever enough to stay a human and instead became a vampire.

Summation: Alucard has the ability to feel emotions, and these can be forceful enough to provoke a reaction from him.

Point 2: Alucard is, I believe, a sociopath. Prevalent more in the manga, and subtle in the anime/OVA, he does appear to have the ability to connect with others. In the manga, he’s seen joking around with Walter, teaming up with Seras to tease Integra, getting along with Pip in a business-like way, and you can even go so far to say that he has an—albeit unhealthy—connection with both Anderson and the Major. Of course, it’s sometimes possible for people to fake these connections, but I don’t think that’s the case BECAUSE of his breakdown in London.

As stated earlier, to feel shame and vulnerability, to be burdened with emotional pain, is a sign of someone who has morality and can form relationships. Now, that’s not saying he’s a good guy—not at all. As a sociopath, any emotion he feels that gets in the way of his ultimate goal is easily ignored. He might feel guilt, shame, pain, or remorse for his actions, but he simply chooses to do it anyway and probably doesn’t bother to consider it more than a minute or two.

Another example is his and Seras’s little spat in the hotel room. She argues that the people he killed are humans, innocent of anything other than following orders. He shouts at her, yanking her up by the collar and yelling in her face. Then, when she starts to cry, he puts her back down and is more subdued. Now, there’s two ways I look at this: firstly, his expression when he sees her tears. He looks, in the OVA at least, almost shocked that she’s crying, and then seems to rethink his actions. Now, he wasn’t rethinking the killing, per say, but instead he felt something about making her cry. This leads back into the ability to make connections. He felt—bad?—about her tears, so he promptly stopped the offending action and reformed his behavior to something more acceptable: a quieter tone, placing her back on the floor, backing away to give her space. A psychopath wouldn’t care that he’d made her cry, having no emotional connection to her. But Alucard cared enough to stop the behavior, which means that he cared enough about her to at least think “I should not be doing this to this person. Let’s stop and do something else.”

Summation: Per the clinical definition of a sociopath, Alucard has the ability to both make meaningful connections with others. Whether he makes those connections or not is up to him.

Point 3: Throughout the manga/OVA, a close observer can see Alucard fighting against himself—and his emotions. When he dreams about his demise at the hands of van Helsing, he cries in his sleep. However, upon waking he is apathetic about the experience, dismissing it as “a dream; it was nothing”. He feels disgust and anger when a guard kills himself, rather than let Alucard rip him apart while alive. He speaks out against monsters “like me[himself]”, pleading with Anderson to stay human even if it costs him his life. He demeans himself at different times, often in soliloquy or as an undertone to a sentence.

This provokes the question: Does Alucard consider himself worthy of happiness? The answer is probably no, he does not. He shows himself to be very self-critical of his past choices, although he accepts all of them for what they are. However, instead of learning from his past and starting over a new leaf, he remains on the same path of death and destruction. One can assume that he might feel trapped by his own actions, unable to rise up and overcome to begin life anew. This might be why he waits for someone to kill him—a punishment that would, ultimately, free him. This would be a miserable, endless existence, one of self-loathing and an eternal feeling that he is, and always will be, beyond any sort of redemption.

Summation: Alucard’s shame and constant fighting against his own emotions has caused him to turn bitter against the world, as his existence is a cold, bleak realm of misery.

Now for the (deep, echoing voice)

 REALM OF OPINIONS:

If all of the above is true, and can be said about Alucard, here is what I think. Alucard would view his vulnerability as something weak and useless, to be despised and ignored for as long as possible. In short, I think that he would consider vulnerability to be something wholly

human

, and that as a monster he has neither need nor inclination for exposing that side to others. As a human, he was taken at a young age and abused, which set the foundations for what would have otherwise been a happy, healthy adulthood. Surely as a prisoner of the sultan, any weakness would have been mortifying to show to his captors. Even now, as a servant to the Hellsing Organization and British Empire, he would feel it better to hide any emotion that he truly felt behind a mask, so that they could have no ammunition to use against him if the time arose. This does not, however, stop him from at the very least forming a social bond with a few select people, even if they remain outside the field of acquaintances. It is shown through the manga, anime, and OVA that although he walks with both feet in the lawless side of existence, he has the ability to be polite, civilized, work with others, be a teacher, understand the implications of his actions, tease others, even laugh and cry. Despite hating the human part of himself, it is still a core element of his being. I leave you now with questions and thoughts: you are more than welcome to continue the discussion in the comments, PM me, reblog, etc. In fact, if you liked this read, please reblog it so that others can see as well! If Alucard can feel vulnerable, what other situations might he willingly/unwillingly show it? Men are automatically expected by society to be more aloof and emotionless than women, though it is not the case in the slightest. How might this also play a factor in Alucard’s psyche? Is this another part of the reason he loathes himself?If he were ever willing to step back and take a look at himself, or even go to therapy, how would that affect his behavior? As a sociopath, would he make a willing change, or would therapy only further complicate things?


I also want to do a talk that’s more about my fanfiction side of things, which will be coming up VERY soon. I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you think! I leave you now, with a quote from the TED Talk that Mrs. Brown gave, that I think sums it up nicely.


But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this. This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen … to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive." 

@nd tumblr

I think it really needs to be said in a more formal way why mental illness Tumblr seriously needs to evaluate what they’re doing. Before I get into this, I wanna say that I know this is just a website and I have a choice in what communities I interact with, but when you are living in an abusive environment and you have nobody to look to but your abusers you usually go to social media. I went to Tumblr because it is the most accepting when it comes to mental illness to some extent, because people didn’t immediately judge me or hate me for my symptoms.

Note: sorry for the strange school-esque organization, i just did headings to make it easier to read for people

Anti-recovery and promoting unhealthy mindsets

For the most part, mental illness Tumblr barely promotes recovery or healthy coping mechanisms. Mi Tumblr (mental illness Tumblr) is mostly talking about symptoms in a unhealthy way and are just saying that suffering is a good thing. I completely understand that being mentally ill comes with a ton of negativity within yourself. It is healthy to talk about your problems, it’s good to be open and to reach out to others, but never promoting good vibes or good coping mechanisms in return is not helping. When someone is having any type of episode, they need help, maybe not immediately for some people because they are in too bad of a state to immediately recover from the episode (just listen to what they need), but they should get support and comfort sometime soon. It’s absolutely ideal to recover and/or get in the habit of healthy coping mechanisms. I feel that mi Tumblr isn’t helping us recover or creating a safe environment for nd folk by not normalizing healthy mindsets and healthy coping mechanisms, they are normalizing the suffering and unhealthy ways to deal with your symptoms. Most posts are just talking about our awful experiences and then ending it there. There is literally no support or comfort afterwards. I understand wanting to relate with others when talking about your mental health. It’s great to know that others are going through the same and you’re not alone, but just do not end it there, for your own health. Try to make a support system for each other with this person since they relate with you. Talk about it with people and try to help each other out. One more example I want to bring into light, is when people reblog others personal posts. Personal posts are for venting and it’s not made for others to spread, but people reblog it anyway for the aesthetic and are not taking the op’s feelings seriously.

I want to get this through with a lot of people that recovering or improving in controlling or coping with your symptoms does not make you invalid. It is okay to recover, it does not make you obsolete to the mental illness community.

Memes within the community 

I want to speak about the whole meme thing going on about mental illness. I can understand that joking about stuff can help you cope, but making mi this huge meme isn’t good for a lot of people. For nd folk, making these memes within the community makes them feel like it’s okay to suffer, like it’s okay and a laughing matter to be depressed or that “lmao i wanna kill yourself everyday.” People make all of these jokes and then say nothing about help and don’t express care for those who are suffering afterwards, it’s just a joke to them. It just promotes more anti-recovery for people. My boyfriend has had actual problems within the community where he would be feeling down and terrible and say “I feel depressed,” and people would actually laugh at him, because it’s a meme within the community to say “I’m so depressed,” or like i said earlier, “I wanna kill myself everyday.” I’ve had similar experiences where I would say “I want to fucking die,” or that “I hate living,” and I am actually entirely genuine and I feel suicidal as hell and people just laugh. People laugh, because they think it’s just a funny meme that everyone parrots in the mi community. It makes me feel disheartened and I regret being open about it because people just laugh within the community because they think i’m just making a meme. All of our feelings aren’t a joke and every nd person knows that, so don’t create these mi memes that we laugh at when they’re an actual serious matter. I understand venting with making jokes, I really do, but do not post it and make it go viral, just keep it personal if you need a way to say something without all of the heavy feelings carried with it. Saying a joke about your mi to avoid talking about the heavy feelings and just mentioning it in a not serious tone is not the best way to tell someone about your problems though. It should be normalized to talk about the heavy emotions when it comes to your feelings, you shouldn’t repress it with making a meme to mask what you’re really feeling. I can understand being afraid of disclosing something that personal to people and saying a joke instead, to sort of say something but not really be serious. Even though this makes sense, try your best to sit down with someone and really talk about your issues to avoid the awkwardness that the jokes could create and also avoid repressing your feelings. These memes about mi to me are just a way of repressing what we truly feel and I don’t think it’s healthy to do that. It should be communnity-wide to feel safe when talking about the heavy stuff and not ignore your feelings, bottling it all up.

Peer pressure

Mi Tumblr makes people feel like they should experience constant negative symptoms to fit in. (”You have to be this negative and upset to be mentally ill”) Having this pressure to be in a perpetuating negative state expressed so often in the community can make us not want to recover because they want to maintain their bad habits to fit in. If you end up recovering or noticing you’re getting better you’ll feel invalid and self conscious about this and want to get back to the unhealthy mindset that Tumblr promotes. I can absolutely vouch for this, absolutely. I have a bunch of mental problems and when I started to date my boyfriend I got a whole lot better about my mental health and I felt I was really starting recovery finally. I looked back at mi Tumblr and I started to get afraid I wasn’t valid as being mentally ill anymore and I started to get back to square 1 because of the lack of talk about recovery in the community. My boyfriend has had same experiences and I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined.

Age groups

The majority of the mi community are minors and are really young in general, and I feel having all of the above normalized in this community is awful to teach these kids at such a young age. The friend I mentioned in the “Peer pressure” paragraph at the ending when I said “I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined,” she is 14 y.o. 

Overall, just learning all of the crap from mi Tumblr is honestly really bad for the minors in the community. For those of you who cannot turn to anything but social media: try to find someone with the same problems as you and create a support system. Try to share coping mechanisms that could help or be there for each other whenever. Make support groups and try to steer away from mi Tumblr, it’s unhealthy as fuck. I could sit and talk about all of the awful coping mechanisms I have seen on this site, but that would be a whole new post. Don’t listen to that stuff, if it involves triggering you or making you upset or lying to yourself in the slightest, just don’t do it. Be safe and treat yourselves right and try to recover together and help each other out. Enough of this perpetuating negativity in the community.

Note: Please add to this post if you want to

anonymous asked:

I'm not trying to pick a fight, just confused. Like, if a trans girl has fully transitioned and only interested in women, can't they call themselves a lesbian? If not, what should they calm themselves? I get lesbians not being into people with dicks of course but like, no dicks involved. It's all confusing

First of all, thanks for being respectful. People have been to quick to insult.

So I think one of the issues here is the common portrayal of femaleness and womanhood as the absence of male characteristics. Surgical removal of male genitals is not the same as having a vulva. Same way that surgically bifurcating your tongue doesn’t make you able to perceive the presence of molecules in the air through your Jacobson’s Organ like a snake.

Mor than that, being a lesbian is not simply about the absence of penis. Males love to try to define and categorize women according to whether they will fuck them or not, but being a lesbian is about being female AND being exclusively attracted to other female people, and genitals are not all that matter. Lesbians connect to other women in great part because we have the shared experience of living through the world as female. We were socialized in a similar manner. We have this non-verbal understanding that comes from years of living in a world that has certain expectations from you since you were born. And as much as it might be painful to admit that, there are some things that trans women will never understand. Trans women, being born and raised male through their formative years, have a second-hand understanding of what it is to be a woman, which leads to some really unnatractive behaviors, like forced over-the-top hyperfemininity and infantile mannerisms, as well as male-socialized behaviors they don’t even like to admit they have, like sexual entitlement, dominating posturing, talking over people, threatening violence and the complete inability of taking criticism.

Female-born people learn womanhood by being beaten over the head with it from the time we were born. From the disappointment of your father because you’re not a boy, to having your ears pierced before you’re even old enough to sit up by yourself, to having lower expectations about your potential. We were forged into womanhood, and it hurts. It break us. But it gives us a sort of resilience too, a kind of unwyelding bravery that only women have. The kind of exhausted defiance that you only get by going out every single day into a world that thinks you should be confined indoors, by coming home late at night every day knowing that if something happens to you everyone is gonna say it’s your fault. It takes a lifetime to acquire this resilient quality. Talk to a really old woman sometime, listen to her. They get to a certain age where they reach a breaking point and stop giving a shit about what anyone else thinks, and it’s amazing. This is why male supremacy has historically been afraid of old women.

Trans women, on the other hand, learn womanhood by emulating what they think women are, and this perception is invariably male-biased. Trans women want to emulate porn stars and pop divas. Never seen one of them say they learned to be a woman by watching their mother. None of them want to be one of those tired working women on the train at 9PM, sleep deprived and with sore feet, who are just leaving work and thinking that they’re gonna have to get home and make dinner and clean the kitchen and bathe the kids and then try to get some sleep to start it all over again tomorrow. No, they wanna be Beyoncé. They wanna be glamorous superstars, without realizing that there’s nothing glamorous about being a woman. And boy, they get SO pissed when you point this out. They just don’t get it, and they don’t even want to.

And this is why trans women cannot be lesbians. Not only they are not female homosexual individuals - the actual definition of what is a lesbian - but they also lack the life experience and outlook that would make them interesting to a lesbian.

I’ll leave you with a question here. Why don’t these trans women who are attracted to women date each other instead of bothering women who are clearly not interested? Why do they consider that they’re good enough for us, but they don’t consider other trans women good enough for them? Why should we settle for “uh at least there’s no dick” when they require a legit vulva in their relationship?

And why are we lesbians always the ones who have to be flexibilizing our boundaries and scuffling around to make everyone happy in detriment of our own needs and wants?

Think about that.

youtube

All right, hear me out: I am so proud of Dorian Pavus.

This is a man who used to live in a lie. A man who had to act all the time and love himself because noone else would. A man who had to guard his emotions because at best he was a port in the storm. A man who was thought that what he is and how he feels is deviant and shameful and it must be hidden. A man who was afraid of dancing with his beloved because what will people say? A man who was afraid to hope for more and didn’t want to talk about the future in case everything goes to hell as it always did before.

But he has so much love in himself. So much strenght that keep him going. And when he finally finds his place Dorian makes such a wonderful progress. He has friends. He has plans. He’s happy. And I believe he will change Tevinter for better. Because who else if not him?

I am so freaking proud of Dorian Pavus.

Monsta X Reaction to: Discovering Their GF Has Tattoos

Anon: Hello! :D Can I request a Monsta X reaction when they discover that their girlfriend has tattoes? Like big and colourful ones. She always hides them because she’s afraid they won’t like them. Thank you *-*


Shownu: During a car ride one particularly hot day, he’s worried to see you all bundled up. “Why don’t you take that off? You’ll die of heat stroke!” So you slip your jacket off and he looks over, almost crashing the car. “You have tattoos?! Why didn’t you tell me?”

He’s usually a quiet person but this car ride is different. He talks the entire time, asking questions about the pain, the story behind them, your age when you started, all that. He’s just really curious .. and totally into it.

Originally posted by wonhontology

Wonho: Your shirt slips down your shoulder and he catches a glimpse of tattoos he never knew you had. “I can see them, baby. You’ve got a lot of explaining to do when we’re home.” He’s never one to live by what society says. He fully supports boy in heels and makeup and girls with muscles and ink. In fact, he finds your tattoos very sexy, as they’re a sign of not caring for stupid “societal norms.”

Originally posted by chiqkihyun

Minhyuk: At first, he was so worried; “What will my parents say if they see?” “Did they hurt?” “What if you regret them in the future?” But later that day, when you’re laying in bed and he can see that you’re upset with him, he starts to rethink his initial reaction.

“Jagi?” He’ll rub your shoulders, eyes drinking in every curve and colour of your tattoos. “Will you tell me why you got them? Maybe then I can understand you better. And I’ll help anyone else that judges you understand too. Because they’re beautiful, like art on your skin.”

Originally posted by alette-stars

Kihyun: His motherly nature takes over. “Yah! What are these? Weren’t they painful? Why would you want to hurt yourself like that?” He doesn’t understand the pain factor but has no issue with the finished results. However, he does wish you had told him. “Are there any other secrets you’re hiding? A love child? A tail? A third eye?”

Originally posted by wonkyuns

Hyungwon: ”Ah, what are these?” He’s rather calm when he spots your tattoos, although he was barely awake so that could be why. Even when he fully wakes up though, he’s not judgmental, more curious.

“Can I suggest an idea for your next tattoo? My face. There’s no better art, am I right?”

Originally posted by wonkkyun

Jooheon: Despite your badass ink, he acts as if they’re cute and adorable because in his eyes, they are. They’re not scary or “manly.” They’re a part of you and you’re the cutest bean ever (that’s his name for u on his phone btw).

Originally posted by wtfmace

I.M: He wants to know why you hadn’t told him. Not because he’s mad, more because he wants to know if you truly trust him or if he’d not shown his love enough. You two talk it out and once it’s sorted, he asks if he can see all your tattoos. Not necessarily in a sexual way. He just wants to admire and appreciate them and your body.

Originally posted by wonhontology

Some Love for Dallas Winston

A/N: Screw it. I’m making this into an official post because it ended up being almost 500 words and took me an hour. Hope you enjoy @interwebseriesfan24 and @the-little-shedevil 

Word Count: 492

Dallas Winston is not the horrible person the book/some people make him out to be. Of course, he’s mean, snarky, and bitter, but he’s partially that way because he’s a survivor. Dally “had been arrested at the age of ten” (page 10) and is “of the breed that could take anything” (page 88).

Despite the fact that Dally has a tough exterior, underneath all that there’s a lot to him. He’s smart, for example. Ponyboy, who’s not afraid to be honest when describing Dallas, says that he is “smart and you had to respect him” (page 11).

Another thing Pony mentions later is how loyal Dally is. At one point Pony says, “Dally and Tim Shepard had always been buddies; no matter how they fought” (page 124) and later talks about how “Dallas Winston ran to join us” (page 143) at the rumble, despite having been in the hospital.

Dally isn’t completely selfish, either. When making plans to go to the movies, Dally asks, “Johnnycake, you and Pony wanna come?” (page 14) and makes sure to include the youngest two members of the gang. After Ponyboy and Johnny come to Buck’s to ask Dally’s advice, he tells Pony to “get that sweatshirt off” (page 60) because he would “die of pneumonia ‘fore the cops got to [him]” (page 60) and later gives Ponyboy his jacket to keep Ponyboy warm. Dally even tells Johnny and Ponyboy to “not get to pickin’ up [his] bad habits” (page 82).                      

Johnny and Ponyboy both describe Dallas as being gallant in the book, as well. Johnny tells Pony about seeing Dally get arrested for something Two-Bit had done and said, “he just took the sentence without battin‘ an eye or even denyin‘ it” (page 76).

Dallas Winston is a lot of things, but he is not just a cruel, hardened shell of a person. Maybe he wouldn’t be as great as I write him in imagines and maybe he would be a jerk if he really existed, but I refuse to believe that he was some awful villain. There are multiple times in the book where it’s proven that he cares about Ponyboy, Johnny and the rest of the gang and it’s explicitly told to the reader that Dally truly loved Johnny and that Johnny’s death is what caused him to snap and commit suicide via authorities. I’m not saying anyone who reads this post has to feel about Dallas Winston the way I do. That’s the beauty of book characters. You can interpret them and feel about them how you wish. I just find that Dallas is a character with a bit more to him than Ponyboy gives him credit for (not that it’s his fault. He’s only 14). I honestly probably could have written more about Dally and given you guys more evidence, but I think this is good for now. I hope you all enjoyed this!                                            

On Immortal Girlfriends

So something just occurred to me regarding our dear Princess Bubblegum and Marceline, and I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner. Specifically, this moment.

That’s the first line in the song I’m Just Your Problem, the song Marceline sang about her fractured relationship with Bubblegum and the first real glimpse we get at their history. For the longest time, the line seemed weirdly antagonistic, even given the song’s subject. Who starts a search for an apology with a threat to kill someone? In an episode that wound up focusing so much on the start of their reconciliation, what place does that have? It didn’t fit, but at the time I didn’t think too hard about it, and eventually I just forgot about it. 

And then Stakes happened, and I found another really weird moment. Something that also seemed wildly out of place, and clashed horribly with the tone of the scene. Something that’s been puzzling me since it aired.

This scene right here.

And suddenly it clicked.

Keep reading

ok so i’ve been seeing a post about the phandom and ageism and yadayada and as an older phandom member i’ll say this:

-if you’re a minor don’t feel obligated to talk to an older phandom member
-if you’re uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to let that person know. obviously don’t do it in a rude way, just do so politely 
-as an older member of the phandom, don’t feel as though everyone has to be comfortable with you. 
if someone younger messages me and they ask my age, i always ask them if it’s ok that i’m talking to them because i don’t want them to be uncomfortable. as someone older, you gotta accept that people are going to be uncomfortable with your age. it’s NORMAL. thank u and have a nice day

Confession

So I’ve stopped wearing makeup. Literally threw it all away. I’m a senior in hs and I just moved to another school. I stopped wearing makeup in the summer so no one has saw me without but the people at work… I then decided on the first day that i wasn’t going to wear any. In this generation I just feel makeup seems to be so important. I know many women don’t wear it but all over social media women wear it. I didn’t feel like it was a problem at first but then I started to see how insecure makeup made me. I couldn’t go anywhere without doing my makeup. I felt I was covering up my flaws .. Which I was… Then social media screwed these boys head up… Like men are afraid of natural beauty… Natural black beauty.. I’m not talking soft bouncy “a” curls but kinky curly hair (all hair types are beautiful ) and no makeup. Even in hs these girls look 20 and UP!!! I want to preserve my face and I want to look my age and I had forgotten that MANY TEENAGERS HAVE ACNE!! I felt self-conscious at first. Now I don’t care and I’m embracing my flaws. I’m way happier with myself… I go out without makeup and feel normal. I’m not reapplying makeup or worrying about being oily… Or worrying about hugging people and getting makeup on them. although at school I do feel boys won’t speak to me because I don’t look like the other girls but then I’m like I don’t care lol I go to school for education and if a guy falls in love with me I want it to be for my natural beauty and my mind. What’s inside ( sounds cliché ) but that’s how I truly feel. I want someone to look beyond the exterior ( what many young adults don’t do ) but It does make me happy. I don’t feel confined to society’s standards of beauty. I wish I had friends who embraced their natural beauty unapologetically.

anonymous asked:

What would be Shizuo's reaction to finding out Izaya has been in love with him since the moment they met and how fragile his heart really is? Would he even care Izaya is in a wheelchair?

I noticed something that I wanted to expand on but I think I can expand it along with your question haha.

Well, he would care. Regardless of his feelings towards Izaya it’s likely he would care because in his interview he said this:

…Anyway, if you’re going to make an opponent of that flea, don’t think of him as a human. It’s better to think of him as a zombie or something.

He probably mistakes himself of being human.

There’s no reason to treat him as a human. In many meanings.

One reason Shizuo thinks Izaya isn’t human (or refuses to acknowledge him as human) seems to be because Izaya is like a zombie in that he keeps coming back because he doesn’t ever seem to be beaten down.  

So if he knows Izaya is in a wheelchair he’d definitely care, because well it goes against his perception of Izaya as a zombie and would make him seem more human. That Izaya can and actually did get hurt - by his hand.

That ‘attachment’ of his…When there is one thing he has an eye on, it’s honestly ominous how focused he’ll become on it to where even your own life is irrelevant.

If there is any ‘fear’ towards him it would be that one point.

So, watch out. First, his own life is secondary to him. Anytime I thought “with this he’ll lay off,” he’ll take another step forward and come at me again.

Shizuo also thinks Izaya has no fear for his life. Unlike those people he beats up, Izaya not only is able to avoid his attacks, but he comes back and bothers Shizuo again and again because he has no fear of Shizuo killing him. Shizuo has taken it to mean that Izaya has no fear of losing his life.

Because I am lazy I’m not going to search through my likes, but I recall that Izaya is afraid of Shizuo now, and his fear has extended to the extent that he flinched (or showed some form of apprehension) when told that someone could lift up a vending machine and asked how far he could throw it (that someone couldn’t throw a vending machine) So he’s definitely fearful for his life.

And this is just my interpretation, but Shizuo’s ‘fear’ towards Izaya could be that of hurting him. Or him ruining his peace. But since Izaya has ruined Shizuo’s peace but Shizuo has always managed to get it back I’ll go with the first one, Shizuo doesn’t want to hurt anyone even if it’s Izaya. Throughout the passage Shizuo uses words like ‘fear’ ‘ominous’ ‘dangerous’ as if he’s apprehensive of something, and I don’t believe it’s just of Izaya ruining his peace. 

Either way Shizuo seems to think Izaya doesn’t treasure his life but he does - his feelings towards Shizuo just transcends that. So that’s an assumption on Shizuo’s part, an assumption which would be revoked if he saw Izaya in a wheelchair and scared of him. So he would care. Either for a logical or emotional reason.

As for Shizuo’s reaction, well, it’s a bit unlikely Shizuo would find out, even if my theory is accurate, I can’t imagine Izaya telling him of his feelings. But for how fragile his heart is, it’s possible he could (or has already) find/found that out from Shinra. And if he knows that while seeing Izaya, well it could make him more human in his eyes.

It’s ‘good’ that they had that death match because it ended up with Izaya in a wheelchair - and not dead. We now know just like Izaya refused to acknowledge Shizuo as human and called him a monster, Shizuo refuses to acknowledge Izaya as human and thinks he’s some kind of zombie (like Saika?). Part of the reason why he said there’s no meaning to Izaya being human could be because Izaya seems ‘invincible’ in that he seems to have no fear for his life and doesn’t get hurt and has no emotions (in that he’s not afraid or scared), nothing like humans who encounter a monster like him. 

So now Izaya after their death match seems to have the two things Shizuo thought he lacked - emotional fear and physical disability. Which would humanize him in Shizuo’s eyes.

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A True Fan and Former Classmate

I wander around the musical festival trying to pass the time. I’m here for one person and one person only… Jay Park. Yes, there are over a hundred artists playing today but I only want to see him perform. Plus I don’t know any of the other artists here, so there’s that.

I’ve been a fan of Jay’s since his 2PM days, long before AOMG was a thought. While Jay was my bias then I like the Jay of today a thousand times better. He’s more of an individual, his name is know in both Korea and in the States because he has gotten so successful.

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