but I didn't like the way it came out

@chaoticphoebe the pain continues

 A wave of pain went over Jesse, his mouth feel open to protest but no sound came out. It felt like he’d been stabbed and in a way he had been, the demand for him to use her real name, it was a deep blow. They’d been a team and this was it being torn apart, falling and chipping away while McCree held the hammer that was breaking it. 

“Blue bi– Phoebe…” He begged now, realizing this was becoming to much for him, “I’m tryin’ ta help you! I ain’t good, ya know ‘at… You stay with me an…” He cut off, clearing his thought some to steady his voice but quickly lost the courage to finish his speech. 

Jesse knew he’d be lying if he said he wanted to leave her, Hell he needed her and he wouldn’t deny it. The day she asked to join him on that train he’d been an asshole, nearly overlooking her and being on his way. Now here he was, falling to pieces inside just over the though of her leaving.

“I ain’t gettin’ rid of ya….” He whispered, he couldn’t look at her now, “I just…” He wanted to explain, his meaning almost lost now. Jesse had started this but now he knew he wouldn’t be man enough to finish it.