How I want Matt to be introduced to the rest of Voltron team...
The paladins (minus Shiro) of course have just gone through an intense mission to break into one of Lotor’s ships that they believe is holding Shiro in. It is a trap and the mission fails horribly and the paladins are currently captured. Keith and Lance are held in a cell together. Keith is going on all angst, bad-leader mode thinking that the entire mission is all his fault and that Shiro made a huge mistake ever thinking that he could lead the team. Lance has to break him out of these angry, depressive thoughts and assures him that he’s done the best he could and that Shiro would be proud of Keith, just like all of them are, especially him. Keith and Lance share a long moment, their hands are holding each other and the camera slightly zooms in their faces, their held gazes. Is this it? Is this the moment where Klance becomes canon?
Then suddenly there’s an explosion from the wall between the two, and Hot Rebel Matt comes busting in yelling, “WHASSUP! MATTHEW HOLT HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!!! YOU PALADINS CAN BEGIN TO SHOWER ME WITH PRAIS-Oh wait, am I interrupting something?”
He notices that Lance and Keith have literally jumped six feet away from each other and are facing opposites walls, faces burning red in embarrassment. Nope, nothing interrupted, nothing at all! Wait, DID THEY HEAR THE NAME MATT HOLT?!
Then Matt rescues the rest of the paladins and takes them to Shiro. Everyone is happy but Lance and Keith can’t look at each other for the rest of the episode.
Summary: Exploring the effects of Fitz’s relationship with his father throughout his relationship with his best friend, in three parts.
“You’ll be better, you’ll be smarter And more grown up and a better daughter Or son and a real good friend You’ll be awake and you’ll be alert You’ll be positive though it hurts And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends You’ll be a real good listener You’ll be honest, you’ll be brave You’ll be handsome, you’ll be beautiful You’ll be happyYour ship may be coming in You’re weak but not giving in” – Rilo Kiley, “a better son/daughter”
A/N: Started writing this after the reveal about Fitz’s abusive father. The first scene of the third part is set after that episode, but there aren’t any references to the framework. I also wanted to address Jemma leaving after the pod in the context of Fitz’s father without glossing over her own trauma, so I hope that comes across. Thanks to @itsavolcano as always for the beta and for the help with the ending! She suggested “happiness and kids,” so thank her for the fluff!
Jemma has never suffered from panic attacks before but she recognizes the symptoms easily enough. She carefully charts the time and date of each occurrence, what she assumes the instigator has been, what it feels like: accelerated heart rate, trembling, sensations of smothering. Her lungs cannot draw enough air and she hates herself for it because she had, after all, drawn just enough air.
Her lungs had sucked up the oxygen meant to be shared and now she sits, back flat against her door, trying to hoard all the oxygen left in the world because she just can’t breathe.
When the attack passes, she presses her forehead against the side of her bed and cries, furious at herself because there’s no reason for her to be this weak. Her best friend is still recovering in a hospital bed because of what she’d done to him and the doctors told her he might never be the same. But she is perfectly fine.
She thinks, bizarrely, that she wants to go home. Not to her parents’ bright house in Sheffield, not to her cramped but familiar bunk on the Bus, but back to some amorphous feeling that’s already fading from her mind. Back to when everything in her world had been science and Fitz and cheap pizza at midnight, notes and schematics scattered along the floor. When her heart had been whole; when she hadn’t known it was possible to survive yet still feel the pressure of water drowning her every day.
Now, she cries so much the salt of her tears burns against the back of her throat and it tastes like inhaling the ocean. This is one truth she wishes she’d never learned.
Jemma drums her fingers nervously against her thigh. When Fitz had been in his coma, she held his hand, placed her ear against his chest to feel his heartbeat. Once, in a moment of weakness, she had crawled into bed next to him, holding him against her like her arms could keep him tethered to this world.
But now that he’s awake she retreats until there’s more space between them than there’s ever been. His confession mixes with her guilt until it’s a living, breathing entity that takes up all the space in his room.
When have they ever run out of things to say? When had their conversations ever been so one-sided?
“Fitz,” she says softly, speaking to him like he might disappear. Because what she fears more than anything is that he actually has. “Would you like me to call your mum?”
He turns to look at her for the first time since she sat down and shakes his head quickly, eyes wide.
“Don’t you think she ought to know?” Jemma persists.
Fitz stares at her as if sure she can read his mind but is refusing to. “Don’t w-w-want her to-to-to—” He cuts himself off with a growl, fisting the arm that’s not still in a cast into his bedding.
“You don’t want her to worry?” Jemma finishes for him.
Fitz nods, but he’s staring off again, no longer meeting her eyes. They sit like this in silence for awhile, until Trip stops by to ask Jemma a question. She excuses herself and her heart clenches painfully at the way Fitz looks so dejected.
She goes back to her room after helping Trip in the lab, not having the energy to spend more stilted hours with Fitz. He wants her with him all the time but he never seems happy when she’s around. To calm herself, she meditates on a list of her sins and thinks up apologies she’ll never be brave enough to deliver.
Dear Skye, I’m sorry for taking the last breath. I know how much Fitz means to you. I know I’ve been impossibly selfish.
Dear Coulson, I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough. I’m sorry we weren’t field ready. I’m sorry I stole your best engineer from you.
Dear Linda, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I know he’s all you have. I know I promised to take care of him in the field. I know you worried so much but you let him go anyway. I know you trusted me, and I know you never will again. I’m so sorry.
Dear Fitz —
But here her tears spill onto her cheeks and she can’t finish. There is no universe, she thinks, in which she can fully articulate what she feels when she looks at her best friend, when she hears him struggling to finish a simple sentence. There will never be enough words to fill up the space left between his smile and her scream.
And then there are times she looks at him, quiet and sweet in sleep, and feels a burst of anger because he made her take the oxygen, because he thought after everything she could just leave him behind, like she cares as little as his father had.
The self-hatred that immediately follows the anger is just another pinprick. She barely feels it.
Luke and Jess are just chilling, trying to have a romantic moment. Maybe watch a movie. When all of a sudden Danny busts in, breaking down the door in a huff.
“Guys! We have a situation!”
Luke, “God damn it Daniel! Is it fucking ninjas again?!”
Matt busts in just a few moments later yelling, “GUYS THE HAND IS IN TOWN-”
Jessica, throwing a pillow, “IT’S ALWAYS FUCKING NINJAS WITH YOU TWO!”