burning for a fight

One Hundred Ways to Say: “I Love You.”

I’m going to write something even if it’s such a STRUGGLE

All these drabbles

#9    “Is this okay?”

Every last nerve of hers was on fire, like the kind that burned hotter under the surface. It was fire over oil, the hardest to fight. It lapped at her, dancing like feathers of heat.

Lucy shivered when a hot, calloused palm pressed to her cheek, rough fingers sifting through her golden hair and dragging along her scalp. A shiver that came out as a breathy exhale, her eyes fluttering when his thumb rubbed at her temple.

He was touching her like he was worshiping her, savoring every little second as they became moments. He was taking his time for once, enjoying what was given at a leisurely pace.

It was such a variant from his regular spark. but then again, his regular spark involved breaking things.

He’d never want to break this chance.

She tilted her head into his hand, listening to his own shaky inhale as he watched her closely. His long lashes were mesmerizing, but not as captivating as his onyx eyes burning into her like hot coals.

“Natsu.” she whispered, licking her lips. His gaze followed the motions, his body leaning closer so that his breath mingled with hers. Yet, their lips didn’t touch.

Hooded gaze flicked up to her, desire boiling back behind it.

“…Is this okay?” His voice was rough, guttural, like he was speaking from the chest. He was trembling, barely holding on the the idea of pulling away versus pulling her closer. 

Was it okay? Lucy turned it over in her mind like a slow roast. He was her partner, her best friend. He was her biggest supporter and her greatest ally.

He was also the man she loved.

She licked her lips again, catching Natsu’s low groan at the teasing action. He really was hopeless sometimes.

“Just kiss me, you idiot.” she whispered with a laugh, sighing when his fingers became even more tangled in her hair.

His eyes flashed, the flash of a grin blinding, and he purred a soft huff.

Then, he gladly accepted her challenge with blazing lips.

The Adventure Zone Thoughts: 1/?

Just listened through the first episode (is that the right word even?) of The Adventure Zone.  I should have been in bed ten minutes ago but fuck it I’ve stayed up later for worse reasons.

It was pretty good!  Taako’s roleplayer (is, is it Travis?  Still get these doods mixed up) seems to be doing the most roleplaying.  But most everyone’s, y’know, still settling in I think, and it’s not like anyone’s not playing their characters.  Magnus’ player remembers his character traits and follows through on them, Merle’s player has him being suspicious of his cousin.  It was fun, the players seem to have a good dynamic and are having fun, so that’s always good.

Kinda feel like the DM is steering them a bit too much at times but they’re mostly p new players so throwing them a bone sometimes in regards to options or “hey maybe don’t burn all your spell slots in the first fight” is not that egregious.

Also I love that Magnus found a cavern full of wolves and was like “FRIENDS!” and then later when the cave was flooding he was all “ARE THE WOLVES GONNA BE OKAY?”

Friendly witchy PSA

If you are against any of these election protests, unfollow me or I’ll mass curse all your asses off. There’s gatherings of people all over the world marching, singing, shouting, screaming their hearts out with powerful magic for their rights. We are the grandchildren of the witches they couldn’t burn. We see the future and it is bright, but we have to fight to get there.

Amity Park’s kids having the most disturbingly dulled sense of danger tho

like someone climbs onto the school roof to get a football and the teacher’s freak out and they’re like, bruh chill I’ve climbed shit taller than this to get out of range from a ghost fight, someone burns their hand on a bunsen burner in science class and the teacher is freaking out and rushing them to the sink to run it under water and the student’s just like, tbh it’s not that bad I got skimmed by an ectoblast once that was way worse

kids standing there filming ghost fights and laughing when they almost get hit by a fucKING CAR, little kids never fearing the monster under their bed or in their closet because all the monsters are more likely to be found on the streets

the number of reckless teenagers becoming adrenalin junkies skyrockets, daily life has become so full of casual danger that they start to miss it when the ghosts take a day off, teenagers unknowingly getting addicted to the thrill the ghost fights bring to their lives

a store gets held up at gunpoint and the young jaded employee is just like, I literally ran a gigantic ghost wolf out of here with a broom last week I really don’t give a shit, horror movie and video game jump scares don’t do shit for these kids, girls walk around town in the middle of the night hardly fearing their safety because if they can successfully run away from a huge ghost tiger they can run away from some back alley creep

kids barely glance either way when crossing the roads because they’re so used to noticing things from the corner of their eyes, games of ‘truth or dare’ become games of 'dare or gtfo’

just kids who’ve grown up in this town knowing all the nurses at Amity hospital by name because if they’re not in there from a ghost fight it’s because they tried to ride their skateboard off a roof into a pool because 'a ghost dropped me from three storeys high into a lake once and it was awesome’

things i think about more than i should: what if Kravitz has a third form aside from handsome man and dude skeleton and that third form is a giant skeletal monster whose maw, like, drips shadows and whose eye sockets burn bright red and he uses this form for chasing/fighting crafty necromancers or powerful undead demigods

basically what if taako had the ultimate monster boyfriend, really

“This is the end of nothing. This is the beginning of something new and solemn and so important. You must be part of what comes next.”

“The future is never gone, never hopeless. No one has ever lived in the best possible world. There has always been a fight to fight.”

“But we are here. We find ourselves with a job to do, no matter how hard, no matter the pain in our hearts. Do not shrink away.”

“No jokes tonight. Do not laugh and look away. Watch this, stay here. Burn this into memory. Wake up tomorrow: the fight will await you.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson

Each star is a mirror 🍒

exoteric ruler: mars
esoteric ruler: mercury

i am not burned to death by the flame, the fire burns me alive, i am always fighting for my life

exoteric ruler: venus
esoteric ruler: vulcan

i am the mother of all form and beauty, but i know too that mortal and sting of earthy pain, i am so invoked in this world

exoteric ruler: mercury
esoteric ruler: venus

i started thinking the moment i was born, i do not possess my thoughts ~ my thoughts possess me

exoteric ruler: moon
esoteric ruler: neptune

i am the golden thread that connects the world to the mother goddess, from inside the water globe i give life and glow

exoteric ruler: sun
esoteric ruler: sun

i am god singing himself to sleep as the sun falls from the sky, when i open my heart, the world is given life 

exoteric ruler: mercury
esoteric ruler: moon

i harvest inside me shadows and poetry that make only orderly sense to me, my ingrediants are my hands, mind, and empathy, opening my heart to serve will unfreeze me

exoteric ruler: venus
esoteric ruler: uranus

love maple glistens against my body like shimmering glass across aphrodite’s sea. i am you, you are me

exoteric ruler: mars and pluto
esoteric ruler: mars

i can baptize people with my gaze, sink them into the soul with my embrace, and heal with my hypnosis, when i direct my power higher, i become a sorcerer

exoteric ruler: jupiter
esoteric ruler: earth

my love affair with the earth is my greatest romance, i am the kiss of the wind, my soul is satisfied with flowers and fruit

exoteric ruler: saturn
esoteric ruler: saturn

even in my darkest moments my bones won’t allow me to collapse, i am iron, hyrogen, and crafted in a moment of god’s sheer inspiration

exoteric ruler: saturn and uranus
esoteric ruler: jupiter

you could see my thoughts from space if you tried, zigazzging across the globe like neon electric lights, kissing salvation into the mind

exoteric ruler: jupiter and neptune
esoteric ruler: pluto

i live in a dense and dreamy sea, i am open and boundless, but nothing can truly hurt me, i have stood on serpants in lives before and my spirit is sheltered and holy


You won the battle, but Fuck You if you think you won the war. This is not over.  We will fight with every last inch of ourselves, with every last breath. We will fight for our brothers and sisters of color, for our disabled family, for our LGBT family. We will fight for our right to humanity, We will fight for our right to life, to love, to liberty. We will fight you from the grave if we must. You have not won. We will rage against the dying of the light. But Better yet We will not let the Light Die. We will snuff out your hatefulness, your insanity. We will put to rest your injustice. We will burn your cruelty to the ground. We will light the Beacon of hope and call to all of those who would carry it with us. We will not let you win. We will not let this Light burn out. We will dream, we will hope, we will love, we will rage, we will scream, we will fight and we will stand against you together. We will stand our ground. We will not go quietly into the night.  Light your Beacon Fire. Let it burn.  Show the world our Fire, our hope. It’s our turn. You won‘t win this war. It’s not your world anymore. Light your Beacon. Let it Burn.
Escape:   the wedding plans

As the sun tried desperately to make an appearance outside, Claire dragged herself up the stairs to her flat after her shift. It was a busy night filled with drunken revelers from some rather overzealous Burns’ celebrations. Her entire evening consisted of cuts, scraps, and broken bones from fights.  She passed by Jamie’s flat, and continued upstairs.  

The night shift meant sleeping in her own bed, and then waking in time to get ready before Jamie got home from work.  They would eat and spend time together before she went in for the second of her back-to-back night shifts.  

She unlocked the door and dropped her bag to the floor, her mind focused on what she could eat before she fell into bed.    

She heard the crinkle of the paper before she saw it.  Looking down she noticed the large manila envelope she had stepped on.  Picking it up, she saw her name typed on the front. Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp.  No postage, no return address, nor any corporate logo.  

She set it down on the counter with a promise to look at it later.  

Fed, rested and showered, she’d forgotten all about the mail until she was ready to leave and head down to Jamie’s. She had her bag over her shoulder, her coat in her arms and made a mental note to grab an umbrella on the way out as the sky had turned ominous.  Going back in to grab her keys from the counter, the brown envelope caught her attention again.

“Bloody hell,” she muttered, and ripped the flap using her key as a letter opener.  She balanced everything she was carrying and wrestled the thick batch of papers out of the envelope.  

It all fell to the floor when she realized what she was reading.  It couldn’t be

The impending storm finally hit and the sky opened up.  The thunder exploded overhead and let loose a torrent of rain.  She looked towards the window as the fat drops clanged off the fire escape and hammered the glass panes in an aggressive fury that echoed the pounding in her head.  Lightening cracked and split the sky as the pain of betrayal split her heart.

Gathering her wits about her like she did in the face of an emergency at the hospital Claire took deep breaths.  She prioritized.  She checked the time, put the papers back in the envelope and tucked it into her bag.  She put on her coat.  She locked up after herself.  

And in her despair, she forgot the umbrella.

“Aye, man, it will be good to see ye, too! Take care.”  Jamie hung up the phone from touching base with his friend John, a fellow whisky distiller.  They each had an entry in the International Whisky Competition and were making plans to get together for dinner at the event.  As he spun his chair around to hang up, he saw her in the doorway.

She was soaking wet.  Her curls were drenched into separate ringlets, the water pouring from each tip. Her eyes were unfocused.  Her face was pale and taut.  Her spine stood ramrod straight.  

Willie stood just behind her, looking over her shoulder at Jamie.  Jamie could tell by Willie’s expression that he had no idea what she was doing there, or what was wrong.

“Claire.”  He rose from his chair slowly.  “Claire, mo graidh.  What’s wrong?”

Claire flinched at the affectionate term.  In response she just reached into her bag and pulled out a manila envelope.  The top half of it was wet where the rain had dripped into her open bag. The bottom half was dry.  She held it out to him, hand shaking.  

She was scaring him. Claire’s usual glass face was gone, replaced by a mask. He couldn’t read her at all. That envelope could contain anything.  The results of a medical test.  A rejection letter from one of the med schools to which she had applied.  A severance package from the hospital.  So many things went through his mind.  He struggled to pull the papers out from the dampness.  

He never expected what he saw.  Never.

“You could have said something, Jamie.”  Her voice was quiet. Sad. Broken.

“Claire.”  He could feel the panic rising.  “Claire, I didna do this!”

“Claire,” Willie said, with a gentle hand on her elbow. “Here, give me yer bag.” He gently took the weight of it in his hand as Claire uncurled her fingers from the straps.  He set the bag off to the side, and led her to a straight-backed chair by the wall.  “Let’s have yer coat, too, aye?  It’s wet.”

“No.”  Claire was firm.  “I can’t stay.  I’m on my way to work.”

That catapulted Jamie into action.  He strode around his desk, picked up the phone and jabbed out a number.  Then he barked, “Janet.  My office. Now.”  

“Here, Claire.  Somethin’ to warm ye.”  A hot mug was pressed into her hand and she wrapped her palms around the heat of it, hoping that it would reach her soul.  The noise of voices buzzed around her and bodies swirled into motion.  She took a sip, and coughed a bit at the strong coffee laced with whisky.

From her vantage point standing in the corner Claire took in the scene.  Jenny had arrived and was gesturing wildly, shaking her head and glancing over towards her.  She now had the offending document in her hand.  Claire knew Jenny was protective of her brother, but she’d thought they had forged a bond over the Christmas holidays at Lallybroch.  Perhaps she was wrong.  

She took another sip of the coffee.  Dimly her brain registered the alcohol, but it seemed to give her the liquid courage she needed to stand her ground.  She really didn’t care what anyone had to say.

Until a voice she didn’t recognize announced his presence.

“I did it.”

Claire turned to see an elderly man, not very tall, with an obvious disability, standing in the doorway.  He had a commanding voice, one that seemed to bring everyone to heel.  They all looked at him, open-mouthed.  The man surveyed the room, his eyes stopping at Claire.

“Ah.  Ye must be Miss Beauchamp.”  He hobbled towards her, hand outstretched.  “I’m Colum MacKenzie.  I am Jamie and Jenny’s eldest uncle. Their mother was my sister.”

Automatic reflex had Claire shaking his hand.  She stared into the dove-gray eyes that reflected a man of confidence, and intelligence, with a shrewdness that made him intimidating despite his stature.  He was sizing her up, taking her measure.  She held her own, and met his gaze.  In meeting that gaze she realized that deep in those eyes was also a man who lived with chronic pain. He was much shorter than his relatives, but that had to be due to what Claire mentally diagnosed as Pycnodysostosis.  It was such a rare disease, and Claire had never encountered it before.  

“I see I’ve caused some upset.” He nodded at Claire in a deferential manner. Then turned to Jamie and continued, “But I did it at the request of someone else.”