burning daydreamer

enbyrapunzel  asked:

So are you saying that I'm allowed to use daydreaming as a coping mechanism? Even though I'm an adult? I've been told that I need to grow out of that stuff but... I really miss creating my own worlds

After thoroughly investigating “maladaptive daydreaming” literature, I could find no actual evidence that daydreaming is, in itself, maladaptive!  The problem is usually a skill gap where the daydreamer ALSO doesn’t know how to deal with a problem.

A problem that occurs in countless other people who don’t daydream.

Meanwhile, my main area of study is complex trauma, which field is full of cases of, “This horrible trauma/neglect/deprivation should have totally fucked this person up and would have produced a human being incapable of anything resembling a normal life–but because they had a rich imagination and abundant inner resources, they were able to create an inner narrative that gave the safety, control, love, and meaning that their real life utterly lacked.”

So I was gonna say “ehh, I’m new to the field, IDK that I’m allowed to give anyone permission to anyone” but—

DREAM THE FUCK ON.  Learn to deal with real life too, but if daydreams are there for you to fall back on? DREAM.

To her, there was nothing better than being lost inside of her own head.
There, she could be wherever she wanted to be, a willingly lost soul traveling anywhere her dreams would take her.
There was no sweeter freedom than this.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: The daydreaming girl who consistently wants to be where she’s not.

gettzi  asked:

I did a study (survey type) ten years ago about daydreaming and found that it was related to "openness to experience" and "creative problem solving. Maladaptive daydreaming was defined in the literature as ruminating on negative thoughts or feelings. Side note: I did the study before I knew I have combined type ADHD. So I was probably projecting a bit trying to justify my inattentive zoning out habits (aka world building inside my head time).

High five from the ADHD-PI chick over here.  Since starting on this topic I got lost for half an hour down a research rabbit hole and then remembered I had a ton of personal projects I want to do, plus actual real for-pay work I’m behind on. So.

The classic Eli Somer definition of maladaptive daydreaming is “an extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning” (his scale doesn’t address content almost at all, but focuses largely on behavioural criteria) and to me it’s a very tail-wags-the-dog thing. It’s like stimming in autism.

The behaviourist approach to autism, or the maladaptive daydreaming approach, focuses on the end result (daydreaming, hand-flapping) and says that, THAT is the bad thing, and if we can diminish THAT, then the child can spend more time doing math homework or the person can spend more time socializing. Which is why you get “autism experts” who make children sit on their hands, or just tie or tape the children’s hands down, to make them “pay attention”.  Behaviourists devote ENDLESS amounts of time to making autistic people stop stimming.

Meanwhile, if you ask the people inside the situation, the actual problem is emotional or physiological dysregulation; the problem is being so distressed and overloaded that it urgently needs soothing, either through sensory or imaginal self-stimulation. 

The actually useful solution is helping the person find easier, more efficient ways of self-soothing that they can then go do their math homework or talk to people.  Which can be big–medication, less stimulating environments, schedule changes–or small, like having a fidget toy or worry beads.

Whereas the actual “experts” who have targeted stimming or maladaptive daydreaming as the bad thing are the kings of their little theoretical castle and by GOD they’re not admitting that the thing they’ve sworn to eradicate is actually a useful coping skill.

don’t save me, part four

part one | part two | part three

hello i lowkey forgot about this series lmao so here’s an update filled with angst for ya


questions, comments, concerns

“So you’re saying you don’t want to come to this party tonight?” The frat boy, Harry thought his name was Mike, was standing next to him in the Starbucks line, trying desperately to convince Harry to go to a party his frat was throwing that night.

“No, I’m saying I have other plans tonight.”

“Cancel them! Bring whoever you’re hanging out with, is it that psychology major girl? She can come, she’s hot, one of my friends, Jasper is really into her, really likes that smart, quiet type. I mean unless, the two of you are… you know… but she can totally still come.”

Harry frowned, “His name is Jasper? Like the ghost?”

“Yeah, your girlfriend knows who he is. They have a ton of classes together, both psychology majors.” Harry refrained from saying that she had never mentioned him.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” He said quietly.

Keep reading

Grief stages

Pairing: Marlene x Lily (BrOTP), Jily (James Potter x Lily Evans)

Prompt:  “His ego is so visible, I can almost watch it grow.” From this prompt list (number 63).

Notes: It’s messy as fuck. And unbeta’d. So there are probably way too many word written wrong and grammar mistakes. But hey, I wrote again!

The thing with writer’s block and procastination is that you never know when it’s going to explode in your face. And it did. Explode, I mean. But I’m stronger and I prevailed against the dark monster that ate my words away.

@jilylicious​ Seda, my dear, this is my gift to you. I know, your day is long gone but I tried. I hope you like it and that you had an awesome birthday, because you pretty much deserve it. 

“So I heard you and Potter quite get along these days”

Lily tilted her head to a side and looked blankly at Marlene, who was biting the nail from her right thumb like it treathened her well-being. There was a glint of someting mischevous on her brown eyes that brought back memories of how Sirius got bald for a week and how Slughorn got his nerves so worked up that dismissed her from detention hours earlier. A shiver went down her spine. Marlene smirked knowing what she was doing to her, the bitch.

“I hope you also heard that we have to get along, since we do patrols together”

“I’m not buyin that Lils and you know it,” yes, she knew it. But it was worth the try. “You can be amicable, work pals, patrol bros, respect each other as much as mentally wise possible. But you,” a finger with cracked blue nail polish pointed at her sharply, “and whatever is you’re doing with him,” the same sharp finger pointed accusatory towards the other side of the library, where Potter was looking at the two of them like an over-excited puppy drunk in felix felicis. The biggest smile Lily have ever seen on his lips. What a weirdo. She mentally scolded herself, she shouldn’t find that adorable, “is not just for the sake of being a good and proper headgirl.”

The silence stretched between the two of them. 

Lily wanted to object and tell her she was deadly wrong but knew better than that. Marlene was by her side since day one year one, when she told Lily that her red hair was ugly and Lily trew the book she was reading at her head. It was their trademark: they were painfully honest. And the thing was that even if in this exact moment it felt hideous, Lily loved that about them.

She looked back at Marlene, who was twisting a red lock of hair between her fingers smudged with ink.

“And what do you suggest I do?”

“Lils, I think we agreed to never ask my advice about anything in life,” Marlene smirked and let go of her hair, looking down at the book in front of her. It was in the same page as 20 minutes ago and wasn’t going to change anytime soon. “You’re the one with the brains, I’m the one with the mouth, remember?”

“Stop it,” Lily scrunched her face in disgust. “That sound more obsene each time you say it.”

Where is the lie,” Marlene sing-songed while starting to flip pages without really looking at them. 

Lily snorted and looked back at Potter, who was socking Sirius in the arm while the latter was laughing his ass off. As usual. She bite the inside of her cheek trying to stop her face from breaking into a smile that wasn’t welcome. She was miserably failing. Stupid Potter.

Scandalous, miss Evans,” Marlene fake gasped at her side, giving her an excuse to smile for something else than how stupidly adorable the contrast between blush and black rimmed glasses were on Potter’s face. “The model student falling for the bad boy. Sounds like one of those muggle books you read at night,” those books were Tuni’s but for Marlene that wasn’t even the point.

“He’s not a bad boy anymore,” the words slipped so easily from her mouth that she wasn’t even sure it was her the one who talked. “He changed.”

“Debatable,” Marlene bumped shoulders with her, letting her head fall into Lily’s shoulder. “You should go for it instead of daydreaming,” she could feel those brown eyes burning into her soul, “Daydreaming is my thing, not yours.”

Lily rolled her eyes and let her head fall over Marlene’s. “I keep asking myself why we are friends”

“No, you don’t,” she was right. She didn’t. Marlene was probably one of the best decisions she ever took in her life. 

“His ego is so visible, I can almost watch it grow,” and wasn’t that a cheap attempt to shut the conversation down in her favor.

“And you got some serious issues since you find it endearing,” Lily gaped, trying to come up with something to say. No. There was nothing. Bloody hell. “There’s midly judging here.“ 

"You can’t judge me, you had a crush on Sirius”  

"I was young,” the voice of her mom echoed in Lily’s mind telling her that being young and in love means making mistakes. Marlene mistake was falling for a broken boy that was far gone for another guy. Lily’s mistake was finding Potter entacing. In comparission, Marlene’s one was the lesser of two evils. “Stop judging my life decisions and do something about yours or I’ll take the matter into my hands, and Merlin help you,” and wasn’t that a terrifying thought.

Lily sighed.

“Grief have five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance,” she looked over Marlene, who was now picking at her nails with her quill. 

“You better hurry into the last two before we get old,” she furrowed her nose, “I can pull old and foxy but I’m not sure you can pull red and wrinkles.”

“I can’t even begin to tell you how disgusting that is,” she started gathering the parchments and books to leave. If the last 30 minutes told her something, was that neither of them were going to finish their homework.

“Less than your undeniable feelings for Potter,” she fluttered her eyelashes and pouted her bottom lip in what should be an angelic expression but landed flat into diabolic. “I have tissues and we can get some chocolate for the cry party”

Lily squinted her eyes at her for a moment, just to look away a second later and gaze towards Potter again. His eyes weren’t on her now, immersed into whatever he was talking to Remus. But hers were on him. 

She took in sight every little quirk, from ruffling his hair to scratching his cheek. The way his mouth moved way too quickly to read his lips. The little scrapes on his arms that could be from quidditch or from retreating after a prank. How his shoulders tightened and slumped. Even the way he moved his hands around to emphasize. 

It felt like watching him for the first time since they met.  

And wasn’t that weird? She thought there wasn’t anything to see. A boy who was far gone into her. Who picked fights because he could and made pranks because he wanted to laugh. A boy who didn’t see consequences nor mistakes and she avoided like the plague. Now it was different. He was different. Everything changed and she couldn’t stop looking at him.

Marlene cleared her throat. “Lily? Cry party on your honor?”

Lily nodded. “Count me in.”

The signs as school things
  • Aries: daydreaming of burning your school down
  • Taurus: being so stressed out you stopped caring
  • Gemini: purposefully forgetting to set your alarm clock so you wake up late and can't go to school
  • Cancer: going home and crying onto your homework
  • Leo: asking to copy your friend's work but turns out they didn't do it either
  • Virgo: counting down the days until your next break
  • Libra: throwing away your social life so you don't fail
  • Scorpio: freaking out because you procrastinated doing your assignment until last minute
  • Sagittarius: skipping school because you didn't do your homework
  • Capricorn: looking at the clock every .5 seconds
  • Aquarius: trying to get killed on the way to school
  • Pisces: falling asleep in class because you just don't give a shit anymore

shinydrop  asked:

Your idea for the Guide to the land of lost children reminds me a lot of maladaptative daydreaming. I don't know if you have heard of it, it's being studied by only a handful of mental health professionals. I think it was Eli Somer who first noticed it and coined the term, and I know he has published several articles about it. There's also several support groups for people who claim to suffer this condition on tumblr and other websites.

Apologies if maladaptive daydreaming resonates for you.

I’ve studied maladaptive daydreaming and I… kind of have to admit that I hate the concept?  “Maladaptive” is such a judgmental word. Like I’ve said, it was anti-daydreaming attitudes that made me give up the coping mechanism keeping me sane and nearly drove me to suicide. I don’t remember that period of my life very well but my journals from the time are VERY bleak. 

I also have journals of the time in grad school I ran across the “maladaptive daydreaming” research and basically screamed in anger and frustration and rage for two weeks straight.  There’s an EXTREME difference between “daydreams can be maladaptive, we need to address how to help this person deal with reality better” and what happens in the research, which is literally, “This person is psychologically fine except she daydreams a lot and feels weird about it; here is the medication cocktail we put her on that made the daydreams go away.”

Now as a psychologist I’m a narrative therapist with a keen interest in helping writers and artists, and the psychologist I see for my own therapy is a Jungian who works with dreams. In my personal life, I’m a writer and paracosmist. If there’s anything I can do with my life and career, it will be to challenge the psychological field’s phobia of daydreams and champion peoples’ innate creative ability to use their inner resources towards their own health.


A celebration of what we talked about today–

That waitress at Pete’s who took so long to seat you,
And left you to stand in the doorway,
With her stringy red hair and her thousand-yard stare,
In her mind, she’s the Princess of Norway.

As she takes down your order, she’s crossing the fjord, her
White stallion spits foam like a madman.
Many Vikings have died trying to take her as bride,
But her heart is reserved for a bad man.

Rich fantasy lives.
Somehow she survives in a world she contrives.
Inhibited husbands and frustrated wives
Lead rich fantasy lives.

That guy from IT ressurects your PC
With a boredom he barely suppresses.
Though he rarely converses, he has more universes
In his head than you’ve got addresses.

He wargames through weekends, leads armies and legions.
He doesn’t care how well you putted.
He’s browsing reality’s infinite palette, he’s
Seen yours, and yours doesn’t cut it.

Rich fantasy lives.
He quietly thrives in a world he contrives.
Techno-drone insects in cubicle hives
Lead rich fantasy lives.

We’re piling up fears, but we’re out of frontiers.
Some need to escape, but there’s nowhere.
Can’t go to the Moon, at least any time soon,
But an inner-space trip costs you no fare.

So don’t be unkind to a wandering mind,
Just say it again if we missed it.
Some whispering poem was calling us home
To a place we know never existed.

Rich fantasy lives.
Our peace-bonded knives and our hyperspace drives.
Until that steam engine to Hogwarts arrives,
We have rich fantasy lives.

Rich fantasy lives.
Our quests and our tribes and our Babylon Fives.
Until something better than this world arrives,
We’ll lead rich fantasy lives.
Rich fantasy lives.

Who the fuck ever put it in your head that you aren’t important? You are a made of stardust and you shine brighter than an entire galaxy my dear. So raise your head and smile. Don’t give anybody the pleasure of watching you crash and burn.