burden soul

As Salaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakatuh.

I’m going through a trial and it may seem insignificant to many of you but for me it feels like the earth has been placed upon my chest…

The issue is regarding the relationship between myself and the rest of my family especially my beloved mother. It’s broken and I honestly don’t know how to cope with it.

If I can ask you who see this to simply keep my name mentioned in your precious adiyaah then I will be grateful.

You know that moment when you’re utterly beaten and defeated? When there is no strength left in your bones, and the tears are too heavy- sunken deep within your throat. You know when you feel like you’ll give out and become dust if someone looked into your eyes with that ‘I see you’ stare? Then you come across someone who looks a little sad, much less than the baggage inside you, and somehow you find it in you to listen to them, to offer comfort and companionship, and you realise in that moment that misery seeks company because it is too heavy a burden on one human soul. Sometimes stroking another person’s heart brings warmth to yours, and you’re going to be okay, you know this. Because this person is okay now. And maybe you’re next.
—  Eliot Knight
Straight White Boy Problem #620

I like singing the lyrics to outkast’s “hey ya” because it is a classic song but i immediately stop singing when I hear “ok now ladies!” because I am not a lady, therefore, I should not sing that verse. I must Let the ladies sing it. they can carry the one verse burden of soulful hip hop!

“It’s very easy to pass judgment while comfortably sitting at the other end of the road they’ve just started down.”

someone wrote this as part of a long condescending response to my post and it sounds pretty good on a superficial level but i just want to point out the slickness with which it flips the situation around to manipulate the reader’s sympathies

the topic is straight people’s homophobia and the harm it does to gay and bi people. but now here in this metaphor, straight homophobes become poor burdened souls struggling on a long, forbidding road. meanwhile, the gay and bi people whom they are harming are conceited and cruel, sitting in comfort that is implied to be unearned. wow! really makes you think, amirite?

this is rhetorical sleight of hand. this is a magic trick that turns perpetrators into victims and victims into perpetrators. and it’s a trick you only perform if you prioritize protecting perpetrators from criticism over protecting victims from harm.

anonymous asked:

In your opinion, which 12th house placements and aspects are - the most fortunate - the most challenging - the most intriguing - the most powerful? In what way do they manifest?

Most fortunate
Nothing in the 12th house is particularly fortunate but I think probably the easiest is Neptune. I’ve talked about it before – it’s an expansive soul, the subconscious within itself and not bleeding out or clouding the rest of the mind (unless by aspects), making it very powerful because it’s in its own territory.

Most challenging
Definitely Saturn and Pluto. Saturn indicates a crushing weight upon the native’s psyche, a relentless burden on their soul that is constantly chipping away at the marble of their being and refining them through slow, perpetual agony. Pluto is even worse, indicating that suffering in its rawest form is deeply embedded in the soul, a dark and dangerous force of nature hidden in the unknown core, controlling the native from the background, encouraging life and other people to try to kill their power and make them weak while all they can do is resist and despair. Both of these placements come with monumental wisdom and strength, but they can be rather unbearable.

Most intriguing
To me personally, Venus. I’ve talked about this one before, too: the universalization of love until it completely envelopes their whole world and they become love itself, having so much compassion and affection that they can’t even live with it or contain it. These natives are always extremely sweet but they also feel a lot of pain, and maintain kindness despite it, which I think is honestly incredible. When they let their negative traits take over, they can behave very unfairly, to the point of severely damaging others, but it’s interesting because of the unfairness they have felt. Agape love = gaping wound, I’ve said; born with pain, so they become gardeners of it in others. Their pain isn’t the violent kind like Pluto’s, it’s very soft, the kind that calls for sleep. I’m pretty biased toward this placement, I know I romanticize it, but it’s fundamentally romantic so it’s kind of hard not to, lol.

Most powerful
All of them. Every single planet in the 12th house is incredibly powerful. The 12th house is the seat of power within all of us, we draw all of our meaning from this house, it’s the shadow of the 1st house which is our beginning so in a way, this is the beginning before the beginning, the source of everything that matters, and the other houses simply make it available in regular human life because we can’t spend all of our waking hours meditating or regressing into past lives. Having any planet in the 12th house means there is nothing about it that is allowed to be powerless, it is now forced into power whether the native can handle it or not. The 12th house simultaneously elevates and sinks its inhabitants so there is unbelievable depth and culmination at the same time.

narcissists aren’t gonna change and “recovering narcissists” you see online are a direct proof of this. you’ve never seen an actual recovering narcissist so nobody can tell how that would look like, but they definitely aren’t the self justifying folk screaming “ableism” at anyone who dares to imply that narcissists ever do anything abusive or that they’re to be held accountable for their actions.

i know ideally you’d like the narcissist to stop doing horrible things, to apologize and admit they were wrong and to treat you normally and nicely from now on, but this is completely impossible. If a narcissists were to actually truly start to recover, they would be hit by a wave of guilt so intense they wouldn’t be able to socialize or look anyone in the eye anymore. if all of the guilt for atrocities they have commited caught up with them, they would most likely die, or live a mortifying self destructive life until they die. They most often shift all the guilt and shame on their victims, so their victims know what kind of torture it is to feel constantly guilty, constantly ashamed, constantly terrified of comitting another atrocity, they can tell you that death is far preferable than life in such amount of guilt and shame. Narcissists would do anything to avoid this guilt catching up, this guilt is their biggest fear, something that has a chance to end them once and for all. Feeling remorse would be the end of them, they wouldn’t be able to bear it.

I can imagine as soon as a narcissist reads this they would argue that we should all feel sorry for them, to always have to be running away from such guilt, but please remember that they alone are what caused that guilt in the first place, they commited the atrocities that led to the burden on their soul they can no longer carry, and they have zero problems having their victims carrying it, even if it ends up in their victims death. This makes them parasites.

There’s absolutely nothing for narcissists to gain by recovering, there is only fear, pain, guilt, shame and torture, and compared to that, staying a self-justifying, delusional, manipulative, and extremely selfish and indifferent monster who demands pleasure and forgiveness and believes to deserve all the best things in life, there is no gamble, they wouldn’t give away their delusions in return for painful and shameful truth, never.

However there is a lot to gain by convincing everyone they’re actively trying to recover, people putting hope in them, supporting them, not being harsh on them, letting them get away with abuse, not holding them accountable, trusting them blindly and repeatedly assuming they still “mean the best” and are “trying hard”, that gives them free hands to keep abusing, keep enjoying their delusions, all while just sometimes pretending a little guilt, or outwardly attacking anyone who’d hold them accountable.

This is why I’m never worried about offending an ex-narcissist or a recovering narcissist, a person like that could never ever read one line of this blog and argue against it, they couldn’t even face it without being overwhelmed with guilt and shame, they would know they have zero rights to speak or voice their opinion in the face of abuse victims, they know they caused this, they know people are still suffering from their folk, they know they’re at blame, and they would at least want with all of their heart, for their victims to have a free outlet to speak and voice their pain, and get a chance to recover. They would want us to be safe from them.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Characters: CastielXPregnant!Reader, ft. Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester

Word Count: 1135

A/N: Drabble request from anonymous – “Could you please do an imagine where the reader is pregnant with twins (boy and girl) and Castiel is happy yet worried cause the babies are Nephilim.” Well, this one went in a bit of an interesting direction. Fluff, descriptions of child birth (nothing super intense), perhaps ever-so-slightly angsty in the middle, and then even more fluff, cause fluff.

Originally posted by princesscas

“She’s an angel.” Castiel stared awestruck at the sticky squirming pink newborn held in his trembling arms.

“Yeah man, she’s beautiful,” Dean agreed, squeezing his friend on the shoulder before aiding in the angel’s awkward attempt to swaddle his infant daughter. Dean grimaced at the total ineptitude of Cas’ swaddling ability, gently prying the baby out of his fumbling arms to wrap her securely, “No offense, but she’s lucky she got her mother’s looks.”

“No Dean,” Cas corrected, shaking his head, tone disbelieving, “I mean she’s an actual angel.”

“You mean?” Dean’s jaw slackened askance.

“She’s not a Nephilim.” The wash of joy and relief flooding Cas’ expression was short-lived, drowned out by your renewed screams in the adjoining room.

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Briefly on Robert and Val in Robert’s good ending

Personally, I was deeply appreciative of the way they approached and framed Robert and Val’s relationship. I know it’s possible some may take issue with Val’s decision to “patch things up” with Robert. People who have been hurt aren’t obligated to forgive the people who hurt them. Generally, I agree with that sentiment, but the way Val and Robert’s relationship is written, it felt respectful to both Val and Robert, in ways they needed to be respected.

I generally find it objectionable when someone who was hurt is pressured into forgiving someone who has hurt them. Especially when the one who hurt the other does the pleading for forgiveness. Generally, I find it objectionable when the one who was hurt is presented as sluggish to forgive.

But, here, it felt to me that Val’s decision to reach out to her father comes entirely voluntarily from her side. She says she got tired of being angry for years: “That kind of bitterness… it poisons you, I think. I’m too young for that.” To me, Val’s decision is mostly for herself. She personally believes that holding onto this will hurt her, and it isn’t something she’s doing to assuage the burdened soul of her father.

At the same time, Robert never seems to pressure her for forgiveness, and he gives her the space she needs. Well, much of it is coming out of his self-loathing—but I appreciate that this self-hatred didn’t come with badgering the hurt party for forgiveness. My experience of this storyline in other media, there is badgering. Hell, Robert doesn’t even understand why anyone would do as Val does: “I have no idea why she’s even bothering to contact me now. I know I’m just gonna fuck it up like I always do.”

And, well, one of these days, I’ll go into Robert’s vices and his long struggle with recovery and self-improvement, and systems of support and cycles of neglect, but for now, I genuinely appreciate that the game takes the route that once he is pushed into taking the hand Val is extending, encouraged that it is possible to get better despite his repeated failures, Robert genuinely takes it to heart and takes the chance Val is giving him very seriously. It would’ve been belittling to Val if Robert was offered this patch without him continuing to make the efforts, and I was deeply relieved when Robert acknowledges he has a lot of work to do.

That’s, I think, what sells the ending to me. Robert is presented as feeling deep guilt, despite this Val makes the choice to patch things up entirely on her own, and then Robert starts to make the very sincere effort to undertake a difficult process of reparation and recovery. Even more so, Val acknowledges: “Me and him, we got a long way to go. You don’t erase decades of neglect in a week.” The game directly acknowledges that Robert and Val’s relationship will need lots of work, years of work. And that felt to me to be most heartening, the acknowledgement that this (and Robert’s recovery, but that’s an aside) will not be fixed in such a short time. And that felt properly respectful to the kind of hurt Val was put through.

If you feel like you’ve been overwhelmed by negative thoughts or feelings, or just want to cleanse your mind so you can be in a more positive state, this might be a spell you want to try. Crystals are involved but not required. Candles are required. It’s not recommended to do this spell more than once a day, but it is ultimately up to you. 

- Light a white and/or orange candle(s)
-Speak your negative thoughts and feelings into the flame. Please be sure to keep a safe distance from the flame so you don’t burn yourself.
- When you’re finished getting out all your thoughts, speak these words: “With the extinguishment of this/these candle(s), I relinquish these thoughts. May they be cleansed from my mind, and no longer be a burden to my soul.”
- Blow the candle(s) out, and say thank you as you do. If you’re using multiple candles, blow out each individual candle one by one, not all at the same time.
-Surround your candles with crystals (amethyst, hematite and quartz are specifically helpful during this spell) in order to charge the spell and make it more powerful. If you have a large amount of candles you’ve lit, or thoughts you’d like to purge, I strongly suggest using crystals.
-Take a few deep breaths when you’re done.

Ok folks, here’s the thing: now that I finished ME:A I can freely sail the tags on Tumbr and there’s one tag that needs serious improvements: Sloane Kelly.   She’s one of my favourite characters in this new story-line so here’s a long post about her that probably nobody asked for.

 As I was playing I literally went from ‘ugh, this wacko, ruthless character’ that I couldn’t be bothered with to a character so complex and real it completely blew my mind. And I am both angry and so pleased with the way the game treats her on one side, and frustrated with the crap the fandom throws at her. K, so buckle up for some long character analysis. Spoilers ahead:

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Breaking the fast: first day of ramadan at the Bakkoush household (Sana+Jamilla+Yousef+Balloon Squad)

TITLE: “How did you know you were in love with him?” 27.05.17 10.01PM

There was exactly fifteen minutes left until Iftar*, which meant fifteen minutes until Sana and her family would break their fast. The first day of Ramadan was always the hardest seeing as your body wasn’t exactly used to not eating or drinking for 10 hours or more. Sana had spent the day indulging in some Quran reading, she had read two of the first surah’s* in the Quran* today and had decided to read the entirety of the Quran in Ramadan. If she were to distract herself in any way from all the things that were going on in her life, she might as well do it with something that comforted her.

The Bakkoush household were in a slight panic which was a characteristic of it soon being Iftar time. Sana’s mom was busy in the kitchen finishing the dinner while commandeering the rest of the household to set the table.

“Younes, did you remember the forks?” Sana’s mother asked. Younes, Sana’s father shook his head and quickly picked the forks up and continued setting the table. Sana’s mother joked about how the one thing he always forgot, was the forks. Her father rolled his eyes in mock annoyance while they both continued joking to each other, resulting in Elias letting out a small laugh.

Sana’s mother looked over at Sana and Elias and said, “Don’t think you two are getting off the hook. Go get the nice tableware, we’re having guests as well.”

Sana furrowed her brows in response. What guests?

Sana’s mother, Faiza noticed the furrow in Sana’s brows and said, “Salim* and Jamilla are coming.”

Sana lifted her eyebrows. It had been a while since she had seen Jamilla. Ever since the karaoke night, she had contemplated talking to her, but she had felt that too much time had gone by. Jamilla had always taken care of her, but all Sana had done was push her away. She felt guilty, she didn’t deserve Jamilla’s forgiveness. But she couldn’t help but hope. Maybe, just maybe, Jamilla would forgive her and she could have someone to confide in.

Sana nodded in response and left to get the tableware her mother had asked for, and behind her steps were Elias.

“Sana,” he said. Making her halt in her steps. “What do I have to do in order for you to not be mad at me anymore?”

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