burden of guilt

abusers don’t want to carry the guilt for their own abuse you know? they wont do it. they let you know it hurts them and they don’t want to experience any of it, they don’t let you hold them guilty, they say the guilt is on you, they force you to take it, they drown you in the guilt and say it’s all your fault.

so you are the one who feels like a monster. you are the one feeling like you’re toxic and somehow a danger to the others, you are the one carrying the shame and the guilt as if you abused someone that badly, as if you caused for someone to abuse you. you are the one who gets self conscious over all of your actions and words, you feel like you’re the worst human alive, you feel like you deserve to be punished and abused for your crimes, you feel like you’ve done something wrong, like you need to be forgiven but nobody will give you forgiveness, you feel like there’s something inherently wrong and evil inside of you, like it can’t be helped because you are you. you end up feeling like the world would be a better place without you in it. you end up hiding and scared that you’ll be revealed for how horrible you really are. you end up feeling like you don’t deserve to exist.

that is what abuser should have been feeling. that is what they should have been carrying. that was forced on you. you haven’t done anything wrong. you’ve been forced to carry their emotional burden. that is what they should have been going through. forcing the victim to feel the guilt and shame of the abuser, forcing them to carry this burden on themselves, together with the burden of being betrayed and abused, that is actual torture.

and it’s devastating because you never got to be in love with yourself, you never got to experience how it feels to be human, free of guilt, free of thinking about yourself as a monster, free of burden and shame, free of self hatred, free of self consciousness and anxiety, free of fear and paranoia that you’re doing something wrong, free of feeling like you deserve to be punished, free of suicidal feelings, free to feel like you deserve being loved! because that’s what you deserved! you have done nothing wrong! you have done nothing to deserve the burden you’re carrying! it’s abuser who should be carrying it. it’s time for it to be returned to where it truly belongs. and that is not on your shoulders.

3

From Volume 11 Omake

Midoriya Inko (41 years old)

  • Birthday: July 4
  • Height: 160 cm
  • Likes: Izuku

Her husband is working abroad alone.

She brought up Izuku alone through mutual agreement. (correction)

She’s not very brave and has a shy personality.

Because of worry and guilt burdening her regarding Izuku, she became fat.


Bakugou Masaru (42 years old) (dad)
Bakugou Mitsuki (38 years old) (mom)

Dad:

  • Birthday: March 15
  • Height: 177 cm
  • Likes: Classical Music

Mom:

  • Birthday: December 1
  • Height: 170cm
  • Likes: Volleyball

Mom’s Quirk is “Glycerin”. Gives off a moisturizing effect, giving beautiful skin. Youthful.

Dad’s Quirk is “Oxidizing Sweat”. Produces acid from his palms that explodes. Unlike Ashido’s (Mina) that gives out a huge amount of liquids, this Quirk is sweat only. The explosions are made by clapping (added info) or rubbing both of his palms together.

There was also a time when his interest in becoming a Hero is not as strong as entering the design industry, so he chose that path. Met Mitsuki at work where he was fiercely approached by her first.


Jirou Kyoutoku (40 years old) (dad)
Jirou Mika (36 years old) (mom)

Dad:

  • Birthday: January 16
  • Height: 171 cm
  • Likes: Rock

Mom:

  • Birthday: February 16
  • Height: 159 cm
  • Likes: Punk

Ear tab jack” is the Mom’s Quirk. The “Jirou” surname is also from her. Taking the female’s surname for married couples in this universe is not uncommon.

The Dad, a musical composer, instantly fell in love with the Mom’s musical talents and so they got married.

Because the both of them had lived a life like that, they hope that a fulfilling life also comes to their daughter Kyouka.

Daughter, you can do it.


Edit: Thanks for the corrections, @lovemeteorstrike

Edit#2: Added Jirou family and removed reblog.

Traumatized kids know how it is to go thru life alone. They were on their own since the start. They learned young that their world will turn against them, for any reason, and nobody will stand on their side. They were taught to silence their pain because crying out and getting humiliated and harmed for it hurts worse. They learned to appreciate isolation and neglect as if it was a gift, because it could be worse. They learned that their pain doesn’t matter. They learned that being weak isn’t an option, needing attention isn’t an option, wanting to be acknowledged and accepted was nothing short of asking for pain. They tried to earn it but that too only brought more pain, nothing they did was deemed good enough.

They learned to be strong. They know they’ll have nobody to call for help when things go wrong. They learned to face trials and dangers of life alone. They had no choice. Will you go to parents you’re scared of when your best friend betrays you? Will you be able to stand hearing “that’s what you deserved!” while drowning in grief? Will you talk to them when you get hurt and bullied, wounded and cornered by the world? Only to get spat on because they consider it all your fault, and you should know it’s your fault, struggling is your fault, trusting in someone is your fault, messing up in harsh world you were forced into without experience or guidance or advice or protection, it’s all your fault. You should have known better. You should have known it’s your own fault when someone hurts you. You should have known you deserved even worse. 

You learn to hide your wounds so they can’t be cut in deeper. You learn to tell yourself all the harsh and cruel words you know you’d hear if you open your mouth, because you don’t want to deserve hearing it more. You already know. You hate yourself because you’re told that all you’re going thru is happening because of who you are, because you are not good, not lovable, not able of deserving anything, not important enough to matter. And that’s never going to change, tricking people into thinking you’re human is best you can hope for, but they will eventually figure it out.

How are you supposed to figure it out it wasn’t you, without anyone on your side and the world ready to blame you? How are you supposed to shift focus on what others are doing and hold them responsible? How are you supposed to realize your worth? How are you supposed to handle when others betray and abandon you like you’re nothing, when your parents voices in your head start screaming they were right about you? 

Carrying the burden of guilt, shame, anxiety and fear that you’re being seen by everyone the same way your parents saw you, that everyone will eventually treat you as badly as your parents did, and that you deserved it, that’s what it means to walk thru the world wounded and alone. Doubting your memories, reactions, instincts, feelings, berating yourself for not being “normal” enough, for being seen as a nuisance and a burden, never feeling like you have the right to ask for what you want and need. Never knowing that get to own your life and use it freely for yourself. That is the heavy, painful life child abusers set up for their children. That’s what their parents wanted them to live thru.

I’m just trying to recall the last time we actually saw Dean do anything sexual with anyone. Because in 12.11, we know he had the hots for Larry, and after going for his ride he “blew off steam” with the waitress. But what does that mean? And the fact that he was supposed to meet her after her shift but never showed… for what? Round two? To finish what they started? It is a mystery. I mean, she didn’t seem all that invested, just pissed that he blew her off when she finally did see him again.

And ALL of that technically happened BEFORE HE WAS HEXED!

So, sound mind, consenting adults, and all that. And when she realized that he couldn’t remember because he’d been “roofied,” she was immediately concerned that she may have taken advantage of him and apologized.

I mean, that’s fantastic.

When the heck has Dean ever gotten an apology like that?

This is pretty far removed from “mistakes were made.”

Before this, he had some sort of success in 11.13 before then striking out later in the episode.

And before that was 11.04, where those mistakes were made, whatever that means.

But even with his memories removed and therefore no burden of guilt, we didn’t actually see him hit on anyone the entire episode. He was polite and smiley with people, complimenting Rowena’s hair for being “bouncy” oh my god. Being friendly with the waitress, even smiling at Sam when he had no freaking clue who HE was, let alone who Sam was. Dean’s default without his memories seems to be cheerfully pleasant with a zest for life (and waffles) (and Larry).

So, not a womanizing jerk dudebro.

He thought his own damn life hunting monsters with their angel best friend sounded awesome. He noticed people, but he didn’t have that performing persona. And he unashamedly admitted to loving A DISNEY CARTOON FISH. I mean… 

This was all just so refreshing in a really twisted and terrifying sort of way…

Eighteen Years

I get so sad thinking about what happened with Merlin. Because it shows how deeply they’ve all been affected by Lee Unwin’s death, eighteen years later.

There’s that moment when Merlin steps on the mine and they all realize what he means to do. Harry says it was his original mistake with Lee and volunteers himself as sacrifice. And we’re sad and a little horrified (no don’t do it!) but we’re not surprised. Because we know that Harry still carries the guilt of Lee’s death.

But Merlin. He was there too that day. Lee saved them all. Until now, though, we haven’t seen any sign that Merlin also still has guilt, that he still thinks about Lee.

So his explanation for his self-sacrifice hurts. Really hurts. Because now we know the truth. He does still carry his own burden of guilt and regret.

If Harry has atoned by freeing Eggsy from jail and bringing him to Kingsman, then Merlin surely has as well. He took that young man with all that potential and actually made him into a Kingsman. But he feels that isn’t enough.

And so he gives his life.

Appropriation and a God's Burden

@spoopernaptime asked: 

Hi, I have a long question about cultural appropriation regarding Native American mythology. The Thunderbird has a long history across various tribes and regions. This pertains to a character who represents a single side of dualist philosophy - i.e concepts of yin, relating to darkness, water, etc. 

This character is an ancient entity currently residing in a form resembling a Native woman - as her most recent ‘role’ in terms of how humans believed in her was the Thunderbird and she still resides in the Pacific Northwest - home to a diversity of tribes and persistent Thunderbird culture. She has an odd relationship with the Native cultures across America in that she feels like she let them down as a God (what with, white imperialism and genocide and all.) Part of her character arc does include starting a blog dedicated to the preservation and education of Native languages but she’s reluctant to engage with the communities - and to a greater extent, pretty much all of humanity. 

The story itself is full of metaphysics brought down to human levels, and I ended up using a Native American concept in the process of embodying a primordial force. I’m aware of the Magical Native American trope and (I think) she sidesteps it well enough but I’d like to know just how terrible an idea this may be. Especially with the latest mess from Rowling.

It’s all a bit weird because the character is technically not even human, much less a Native American, and is older than humanity itself. However, in her acting as a Thunderbird, she was very real in terms of what individual cultures believed her to be (the whole system of magic in the fantasy is based on the power of human faith, so. Due to the nature of what she is I wouldn’t say her character invalidates anyone’s faith and yet!! I don’t really know. So.) Most of her character arc has little to do with Native Americans and everything to do with her own self and relationships to the other non-Native characters. So is this a mess of cultural appropriation and disrespect or what.

So… you have an ancient spirit with no connection to Natives become a sacred religious concept for multiple tribes in order to “help” Natives, then proceed to include no Natives in your plot?

What part of this isn’t appropriation?

You’ve basically come up with a white saviour/guilt plot, using a god instead of white people. The spirit must protect and save Natives! But then the whole plot is her dealing with her own feelings, so the Thunderbird becomes a window decoration to show where her focus is, and what guilt she’s dealing with.

The blog is actually something I’m going to focus on because depending on how you spin it, you can either come across as helpful (re-posting a bunch of stuff that other people have written to defer authority to them— as she should) or steamrolling actual Natives (by writing content in authoritative tone, which is a non-Native being an expert in Native culture). If you don’t play your cards right with this, you will come across as colonialist. 

Even protecting and preserving cultures can have a toxic twist to it, in the form of believing assimilation is inevitable so you should document everything that exists now. It can come across as fetishizing to focus on the resilience of Native culture, because it’s very easy to turn voyeuristic/model minority about it. “Look at all this tragedy, but they’re still fighting and exist!” can be both genuine praise and invalidation for the cultural genocide. Or, if you exclusively go “all this tragedy, imagine the possibilities, poor them” then you can both be validating the pain… or ignoring modern resistance efforts.

Tricky balance to accomplish, and nearly impossible to do so if she doesn’t interact with Natives. Also next to impossible to get sources, because how will she find anything if she doesn’t interact with the community?

Magical Native isn’t your worry, here. The core of that trope is “Native person had special powers because they’re Native”… so the fact your character isn’t Native and has no connection to a tribe means you avoid the trope by default.
What you very much do fall into is a reskin of White Man’s Burden, where an outside character feels pity towards a marginalized group and promptly works to better them, becoming a better person in the process. 

This is very much a white person’s story at the direct expense of Natives. The Thunderbird is nothing but window decoration to give context for what the god is feeling/what their current role is. Instead of exploring or representing Natives, you’ve sidelined our story to have somebody external feel guilty for not treating us right.

And that doesn’t help us at all.

~ Mod Lesya

In the same vein, regarding to the dualist philosophy in this work, I think it would be better if you made sure it wasn’t just a repackaging of Chinese philosophy. Many philosophies and religions deal with dualism/dualities, so I think that you can find ways to build a fictional philosophy/system around dualism that isn’t coded as Chinese, particularly if this work isn’t going to have much Chinese representation.

~Mod Stella

Why Larimar could be the Lapidot fusion

For day three of Lapidot Anniversary Week (prompt: “fusion”), I’m going to be doing some theorising about why I now believe that Larimar will be the Lapidot fusion, based on the properties of the stone and its usage in crystal healing.

(Source:  w w w . crystalvaults . com / crystal-encyclopedia / larimar – please remove the spaces, I’ve written it like this due to issues with posts not appearing in the tags if they contain external links)

“Larimar is the embodiment of the tranquil Sea and Sky energies”

This immediately reminds me of both Lapis and Peridot.  Lapis, of course, has complete control of the sea and she can fly – and Peridot can also fly when she has her limb enhancers (as well as being the pilot of the Hand Ship in Jailbreak).

“It brings the ancient wisdom of Atlantis”

Hi, Peridot!

“Larimar is one of the cardinal Water element stones, yet is born of Fire in its volcanic origins”

Originally posted by giffing-su

The fact that Larimar has volcanic origins is extremely interesting when you consider that real-life Peridot can be formed in the earth’s mantle (along with Peridotite) – which is something that Peridot herself mentioned in Gem Drill!  We also have the connection to water again as well, making it have relevance to Lapis too.

“Larimar cools tempers and calms fears, relieves stress…”

“Larimar is a crystal of serenity, promoting relaxation in every aspect”

“Larimar is a powerful emotional cleanser and healer, especially for phobias, panic attacks, stress-related imbalances, and excessive anger or fear”

“It helps us moderate aggressiveness and deal with rage”

Originally posted by doafhat

Originally posted by starberry-cupcake

So, it could greatly benefit both Lapis and Peridot.  They’ve both had more than their fair share of stress and fear, and are both prone to exhibiting very bad tempers and/or aggressive behaviour at times (with Peridot’s explosive tantrums, and Lapis’ brooding and often unforgiving rage).

“The more intense the blue and contrast within the [Larimar] stone, the rarer and higher its value”

This jumps out at me for the fact that this principle also applies to real-life Lapis Lazuli.  Incidentally, Lapis in the show also has a Gem that’s pure blue (as opposed to having any pyrite/calcite inclusions)…

“Larimar is a wonderful stone for mothers”

If you interpret Pumpkin as being the Lapidot “child”, then this certainly takes on some relevancy! Especially considering Peridot’s comment in Gem Harvest about missing the “pitter-patter of full-sized Gem soldiers” (a reference to the expression “hearing the pitter-patter of tiny feet”, which is used when talking about people who are imminently going to have a child) when explaining why she and Lapis decided to grow their field of vegetables in the first place.

“As a soothing Water element stone, Larimar cools hot tempers and guides excessive passion into peace”

Peridot has generally become much calmer since being around Lapis, and seems much more settled nowadays.  Her passionate side is still there, but it’s very much being used for good and peaceful activities nowadays (such as “meep morp” and vegetable-growing).  Could a fusion into Larimar with Lapis help to further calm her, then?

“Larimar is an excellent stone for finding a soulmate”

As Peridot and Lapis barely leave each others’ side, I don’t feel like this point needs any explanation.

“It facilitates the healing of unresolved issues or fears, trauma to the heart, or past-life relationships”

Originally posted by giffing-lazuli

I like the idea that Larimar can help with trauma – considering that Lapis has had a very traumatic life and would appear to be suffering from PTSD and depression as a result of this.  I know the article here is referring to “past-life” relationships, but it could still hold some relevance when you consider the living nightmare in Lapis’ past that was Malachite.

“Larimar assists in identifying self-imposed limitations and self-sabotaging behavior, especially toward martyrdom, and encourages taking control of one’s life. It is particularly useful in admitting guilt, when guilty, and in bringing about a sense of peace in truthfulness.”

Originally posted by venomade

Lapis started to express real guilt for her past actions in Alone At Sea (one such action, of course, was effectively martyring herself in order to protect Steven from Jasper - but deliberately hurting Jasper in the process).  There’s a lot of horror in her past that she still needs a helping hand to cope with.  Likewise, I believe that Peridot is also burdened with a lot of guilt for some of her past actions; which is something that she appears to be bottling up.

Therefore, fusing into Larimar could help them both to make peace with themselves and begin to let go of their pasts.

“It aids in breaking down the walls one has built around the heart for defense, and allows for emotional release and the clearing of deep emotional patterns. It helps one to reconnect to a previous, more natural state of playfulness and joyful childlike energy”

Originally posted by plugeth

I feel like this also has a lot of relevancy.

Again, Peridot is bottling a lot of things up – and quite often, Lapis appears to be putting up a front in order to hide her inner turmoil.  The pair of them do have a lot of playful energy at times, so Larimar could encourage (and completely embody) this.

“It emanates vivaciousness, humor, and a sense of one’s own power”

Peridot is the definition of vivacious!  She and Lapis also have a shared sense of humour (as seen in Gem Harvest, in particular) – and Lapis wields an insurmountable power over water.

“Light blue crystals [such as Larimar] help us accept the life we have, develop patience, reconcile differences, or seek forgiveness. They’re excellent for recovery efforts from addictions or destructive patterns, aid in curbing tempers, and help us become more dependable and cheerful. Light blue crystals also assist in dealing with grief, letting go of the past, and curing guilt”

I really think that this speaks for itself.

“[It] tempers excess, restores calm after a storm, relieves stress, and neutralizes extremes”

Originally posted by cartoon-epileptic

This scene in particular was both a metaphorical and literal “calm after the storm”.

“Larimar also utilizes … a fresh, welcome energy that moves us to serenity as new growth and life emerges. It brings hope, discovery and balance”

Much like Lapis and Peridot having a fresh start on Earth, discovering this wonderful new planet together… and even creating new life together.

unrelated; bts highlight reel theory

This is just an idea I had after watching the recent highlight reel, it may be wrong it may be right, it’s worth trying! I just wanted to share my ideas. Feel free to comment your opinions.

My theory is that the girls represent their conscience. Whether it be burdened one, a guilty one, etc. The girls play a vital role in teaching the boys to love themselves, the overall theme of the comeback. You’re probably confused, allow me to explain further. 

TAEHYUNG:

He murdered his father, broke the law, was a troubled kid all together. The girl (his conscience) represents his guilty conscience. He tried to get rid of it, but doing the right thing (paying for the stuff she attempted to steal) but the girl still kept following her. 

Tae then realized that the only way to get rid of it, the only way to forgive himself, the only way to love himself, was to fess up to what he done and take responsibility. 

This is Tae, before he goes out to the cops to turn himself in, the girl doesn’t stop him, doesn’t talk him out of it, doesn’t chase him. Tae is letting go of his guilty conscience, he’s forgiving himself.

After he surrenders, we see no sign of the girl (his guilty conscience), its all relieved.

JUNGKOOK

As we all know, the poor baby got into a horrid car accident. He seemed upset at that fact, mad at himself almost until he met the girl (his burdened conscience). 

We see him walking to a hospital room with flowers in his hand, and completely healed and happy. 

The burden the accident caused his physical body is relieved. He goes to the hospital room…

No more girl, no more burdened conscience. He forgave himself. He loves himself.


J-HOPE

His mother abandoned him, which already weighs heavily on his conscience. He lets it out through dance, his passion, hence why the girl dances with him frequently. He’s struggling to forgive his mother and himself for the trauma.

This scene represents him on the road to accepting, thats why her eyes are closed and her body is limp, hes on the road to relieving the burdened conscience, but he isn’t completely there. 

JIMIN

We obviously see him oogling the girl a bit yeah? Well, what if he is trying to relive Hobi’s burden? We see him learn the dance they practice; maybe he wants to be there for Hobi. That’s why Jimin looks at the girl a lot; almost keeping Hobi’s conscience in check. When he injures her, It’s symbolism for him relieving Hobi’s burden, but he hurts himself in the process. 

Jimin sees Hobi running with the girl, and sees that he didn’t completely relieve it. Hobi is still suffering, he’s still carrying the weight of the incident on his back. Jimin probably blames himself for it, probably gives up, that’s why we see him turn back.

RAP MONSTER

Surprisingly, his concept is a bit different but still plays into the story. Not a burdened conscience, but a reflection of whom he wants to be, what he strives for. He sees the girl and follows her, probably comparing himself to her. He carries a hair tie, now idk what this symbolizes really, but we see that he leaves it with her and leaves her alone. 

He gets off the bus, and hear we see him staring at the “im fine” writing. He realized hes good enough. He loves himself.


YOONGI

We see Yoongi with his piano in the first video, calm, with his conscience. He struggles with an addiction, smoking. The girl guides him through it, picks up his instrument, and holds a lolipop. The conscience telling him to focus on what’s important, music. 

Until that phone call.

We see Yoongi struggle, almost trying to run away from the girl. He probably recieved news of Jungkook’s accident, and refusing to believe the truth, or possibly feeling guilty for not being there for him. They were close, we saw their flashbacks. The conscience is almost trying to get him to accept the truth, that’s why we see Yoongi fighting with it.

JIN

This one I’m the most conflitced on, but it is a theory, so its okay! We see Jin struggle the least in these videos, therefore causes the lack of the girl’s prescence. That is, until he gets into the car and slowly is reminded of his friends, and becomes more and more unhappy as he reaches the girl (his burdened conscience). Jin reaches her, and when she attempts to come…

He is confronted by his burden. His guilt. Probably for not being there for his friends? For Jungkook especially. Not visiting, talking, or whatever. And  he’s completely reliving the guilt. 

WHAT ALL THIS MEANS

In conclusion, all these stories are different ways and journey’s for people that come to love themselves. There is no, one path or one way, there are many ways and journeys you could talk. Lemme explain.

Taehyung- Whatever bad things you have done in the past, it is never too late to forgive yourself, to change, to love yourself.

Jhope- Even if people have done you wrong, even if people have betrayed you, you need to accept it in order to love yourself, ultimately not blaming yourself for their actions.

Jungkook- No matter what horrible things happen to you (accidents, you get paralyzed, injury, etc) You have to accept and forgive and love yourself in order to gather strength. 

Yoongi + Jin - Do not destroy yourself over not knowing something, not stopping something in time. You need to forgive.

Jimin- You can’t relieve someone’s pain, no matter how much you try. Their journey to acceptance and love is only for them to go on. 

Rap Monster- Comparing yourself to someone will only impair your path. Accept yourself for who you are. 

That’s my theory! Hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think in the ask.

- Admin Nubbie’s friend

anonymous asked:

I'm an Eruri shipper, but sometimes I get the feeling that Erwin didn't love Levi back, which makes me sad. Levi's feelings towards Erwin are 100% canon and have been reiterated countless times, but Erwin seemed too focused on his father and his mission to truly love Levi back! I think is why their relationship hasn't been established as romantic: Levi loves Erwin but cannot be with him due to Erwin's one track mind. It makes me sad, as I don't want Levi living knowing Erwin didn't love him :(

Okay so this is an argument that I’ve heard many times before and I’ve already answered a few asks about this: Undoubtedly. Unquestionably. Unconditionally. Let me see if I can set your mind at rest Anon…

You’re right that Levi is much more vocal about his devotion to Erwin.  There are countless examples in the manga, in the Smartpass content and most recently, and most heartbreakingly, in the monologue that accompanies Levi’s character song.

“In order to catch the freedom, I felt outside the wall. I chose everything by myself. Even Erwin will lead me to hell, I will never regret. Never. Not even a bit.”

JFC just kill me Levi….

Erwin is much more reserved, but that doesn’t mean that he does not reciprocate Levi’s feelings, and in actual fact there’s plenty of evidence that he does.  It’s there in the way he talks to Levi in the manga, the weird humour they share, the fact that he uses ore when talking to Levi rather than watashi, which he uses with everyone else.  It’s there in the Smartpass content, in the private meals they share after expeditions, the tender moment in the rain, the fancy clothes and the contraband tea that Erwin procures for Levi.  It’s there in the ridiculously shippy official art.  And it’s there in spades in ACWNR where Erwin is openly fascinated by Levi and pursues him with single minded determination.

Now I know there is an argument that even if Levi and Erwin’s feelings are reciprocal, they never have a chance to act on them as they are in the middle of a war.  And I think there is certainly a grain of truth in that.  However, war does not necessarily negate love, if anything it can heighten feelings of devotion, particularly for those who fight side by side.  Sure Erwin and Levi aren’t going to go swanning off on fancy dates, but it’s canon that they spend private time together when they can.  In times of war, love may be reciprocated in the smallest acts, a meal shared together, or the grandest gestures, I will trust you with my life and fight to the death for you.

And I know there is also an argument that Erwin is so focused on his dream that he has no time for anyone or anything else, and that’s certainly the way that Erwin himself sees it latterly.  But as I’ve said over and over again, Erwin is the most unreliable of unreliable narrators. It’s true that Erwin’s dream has always driven him forward, but it’s really only towards the end that it becomes an all encompassing obsession.  Erwin is clearly depressed towards the end of his life, he’s weighed down by guilt, and confesses to suicidal thoughts, however depression and love are not mutually exclusive.  You don’t stop loving someone just because you suffer from depression, even if it means you struggle to express those feelings.  Even if you are in the depths of despair, those feelings are still there, buried deep. I think it’s telling that when Erwin does finally confess his fears and his struggles, it’s Levi that he opens up to. And it speaks volumes that it’s Levi who is able to free him from the burden of guilt he carries. Ask yourself this Anon, would Levi’s words really have had such an impact on Erwin if he didn’t love and respect him? 

Daisuke Ono said in an interview once that the amplitude of Erwin’s feelings is so great that it can be hard to see.  So don’t worry Anon, I’m certain that Erwin did love Levi and I’m certain that Levi knew it, you just have to stand back to see it.

anonymous asked:

hi! i really liked your meta on the recent chapter and i wanted to know your opinion on why levi chose armin instead of erwin? im not trying to start drama but i just keep thinking about what flock said on chapter 90 and i dont know how i feel about it still. what are your thoughts on the subject??

Ahh. I understand, anon. I’ve given my thoughts on this before but, not since the original spoilers came out. After rereading the entire arc, I definitely have a few things to add. So, get comfy because this answer will be a really long one, and also best read on a computer because this will contain a lot of images.

DISCLAIMER:

This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is entirely canon or completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, that’s perfectly fine! Everyone has a different point of view, but if you are going to send me messages trying to argue point of views with me, tell me I’m wrong, or send me hate messages; do us both a favor and please just don’t even bother.

Let me start this out by saying that I’m positive a lot of people will not agree or even like my opinion on this but, I will be completely honest in my statements on the matter. 

Flocke’s little speech made a lot of sense to me. Especially when it comes to Erwin but, it also pissed me off for a couple of reasons, and no, not because of his tone. It’s because of his ignorance. However, I am fully aware that I, as a reader of the story, get a first hand view of everything that happens. Flocke is a new recruit who was, up until recently, completely unaware of a lot that has gone on with the Survey Corps. 

Regardless though, he still slightly pissed me off and you asked so therefor, I will answer lol. The first thing I want to touch on is how he complains about being a coward who didn’t understand the dangers of the role he was playing in the Wall Maria reclaiming mission because people weren’t honest with him. 

BRUH…

For seventy years it has been no secret that at least 60% of all Survey Corps soldiers die on missions. Erwin point blank stated this when the 104th took to their ranks during his little joining speech. The dangers of fighting titans wasn’t something anyone tried to hide or keep tucked away in the hopes that soldiers would ignorantly join their ranks, and I doubt VERY highly that the dangers of the BIGGEST MISSION THE SURVEY CORPS HAD EVER PLANNED TO ATTEMPT was some massive smoke screen.

This dude knew his chances of survival were slim, and he also knew that his chances of having to sacrifice his life was very, very high. Especially since he originally refused to join to SC in the first place! Truthfully, this part right here just read off as someone who joined their ranks in the hopes of gaining some glory to me, and that made me salty. 

I did agree highly with his last question though. They all have every right to know how much their sacrifice is worth. I had this feeling deep in my gut the first time I saw the female titan arc. No one knew the dangers they were actually being put in, save for the veteran soldiers in the legion. Granted, it’s entirely understandable as to why but, at the same time, hundreds were lost without knowing why. That was a sad, and unfair thought, and a move I didn’t entirely agree with. So, I can understand Flocke’s viewpoint here. However, as I stated above, IT WAS NO SECRET PEOPLE DIED ON MISSIONS. 

Which leads me to the second and final reason his speech pissed me off:

That statement right there made me want to strangle this dude because he just outright undermined Levi to a severe degree. Not just Levi but, his bond with Erwin as well. As if Erwin wasn’t important to Levi too. Like Levi didn’t threaten to break this mans legs to try and keep him alive. Plus, he undermined how hard it was for Levi to ultimately make the choice he made. He shat on all of that in one sentence, and to make it worse, he called the choice an irrational one when he point blank states just one panel above this that he doesn’t know Armin well at all. 

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF IT’S AN IRRATIONAL CHOICE IF YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE PERSON YOU’RE BITCHING ABOUT?! 

Ugh, anywayssssss, let me lower my salt intake here and get to the point. 

I understand why people would question Armin’s survival over Erwin’s. I get it. Erwin was The Fucking MAN™ . He got shit done. Changed things in the walls for the better. He was the man with a plan and someone who sacrificed everything he had to learn the truth of the world. This leads me to why I think Levi ended up ultimately choosing Armin. 

Let me start off with this panel here and then work my way up.

Some of Kenny’s parting words to Levi. These words played a massive factor in Levi’s final decision. 

Erwin’s main goal, his dream, was to learn the truth of the world. He wanted to know what was beyond the walls and where the titans came from, and he wanted to learn all of this for the sake of his father. His goal was a worthy one and I am sad that he did not get to see it through but, his dream would have ended in Shiganshina one way or another. Whether he died, or whether he saw the basement; that was as far as his dream reached as far as Levi was aware at the time. [

Then we have Armin. 

Armin’s dreams would start outside of the walls. They stretched far beyond one end goal and one thing to fight for, and his dreams were ones he wanted to share with close friends. Much like how Levi had a dream he wished to share with his close friends back in the day too. Armin wanted to see the world. To explore and learn everything their was to know about life and land outside of their walled prison. This was Armin’s reason for becoming a Scout. 

So here we have two different people with different goals. Both of which Levi cares about and doesn’t want to see die. Both could help humanity. Both were brilliant and extremely intelligent. So, why Armin and not the seasoned commander?

Levi’s last words to Erwin are for him to let that dream go and to trust him to carry it out instead. I’m sure that Erwin was full aware that Levi had every intention of saving him if it was at all possible but, even knowing the risk towards his own life; Erwin accepted Levi’s order’s full on and with a relieved smile. Thankful to not have to burden himself under the guilt of wanting to abandon his post as Commander simply to learn the truth. For no longer having the chance to consider betraying all of those that were lost for a selfish goal. 

In the end, Erwin was absolutely selfless. and rid of the desire plaguing his heart. He was at peace with the position he was in and chose to ride with his men into the fray. All because Levi took the burden of their lives onto his own shoulders - something he never does - and because he trusted Levi to succeed. 

So, after this is said and done, we are left with Levi having to make a choice and duking it out with Eren and Mikasa on a rooftop for who will get the serum. Levi seems entirely hell bent on saving Erwin but, I believe what shook his firm resolve was this moment right here:

Ironic that Flocke is so quick to shit talk Levi’s choice when his comment right here is most likely one of the reasons Levi ended up choosing Armin.

Levi’s expression says a million different things in this one panel. The idea of reviving Erwin as a titan, to still lead and sacrifice people for a goal that Levi isn’t even sure exists at all breaks his determination. As far as he could see, Erwin just wanted to learn the truth. What Erwin would do after that was a mystery, even to Erwin himself. So, would it have been fair, after choosing to take his burden from him, to bring him back into the hell they scrounged in? All so he could continue to live as a “demon” even after achieving what he set out to accomplish? 

Levi still seemed to think so to some degree. Though, his intensity on the subject wanes just a bit after Flocke’s comment here, and a lot more after what Eren had to say:

Eren speaks of the dreams Armin lives and fights for. The very same dreams Levi had overheard the young boy ranting and glowing about the night before. Armin had something left to fight for, Eren was sure of it. Levi was too because he saw it for himself. 

Would Erwin have something left to live and fight for once he cleared his goal? Once he saw what was inside that basement and finally learned the truth? 

Would he have something to be drunk on to keep him going?

Would he make Erwin remain a slave to his inner demons in the hopes that he could continue on torturing himself?

The answer was no. In the end, Levi chose to let Erwin have his peace. Just like Kenny chose to finally lay down his desires and trust them to Levi for the sake of peace with a smile, Erwin did exactly the same and thanked Levi for doing so. Instead of betraying that trust, and possibly breaking his friend in the process; Levi let the “Demon Commander” rest, and gave the boy with so many dreams left to live and fight for a chance at making his dreams a reality. Levi made his choice out of care, experience, and what knowledge he had. Just like he always does. At least that is my opinion on that matter. 

Thank you for the ask, anon. I hope this answer is satisfactory for you. I apologize for the length and the lack of a Read More but, for whatever reason, that feature isn’t working on my laptop right now TT_TT

Abusers can’t change for one big obvious reason: they would have to experience guilt in order to change. they would have to actually go through the pain of acknowledging that they’ve caused mountains of suffering and pain to others, that they’ve been selfish, lying, manipulative, cruel, despicable, sadistic, monstrous and horrible human being, that they’ve destroyed the ones who loved them the most, they’ve exploited and damaged the most vulnerable and defenseless people in their life, they’ve taken choice and well being from fellow human beings who did nothing to deserve it, and then on top of it they convinced those humans they did deserve it, and invalidated them on top of that so they would carry the pain of guilt as well.

Abusers will do literally anything to avoid carrying this heavy burden of guilt and shame, they don’t see anything they could gain from admitting fault and taking responsibility for their actions, they prefer having the victims carry that burden for them, because abusers are weak, they couldn’t even carry a burden they themselves created.

If abuser can’t even admit to him/herself they’ve done something wrong, if they refuse to experience guilt and insist they’ve been right and only pretend-apologize when it’s necessary to regain control of the victims, they have no way of changing. If they don’t truly feel remorse they will repeat the actions. Why wouldn’t they? They benefit from it! Changing, for them would mean giving up everything they’ve gained in their entire life, admitting it wasn’t theirs to gain in the first place, feeling the worst shame, guilt and remorse they could imagine, giving up any future benefits and having to change their life completely in hope of making up at least slightly for what they did,  even as they have no way of making up for it all. They would have to submit themselves to a life of pain, regret, self hatred, guilt and shame, all of which they caused by themselves. What abuser would ever submit to this? And for what reasons. To gain humanity? They already believe themselves to be above humans. To keep in good relations with their loved ones? They already proved they could completely destroy their loved ones without giving a shit and gain a lot in return, there never was any real relations with their “loved ones” they never even truly got to know those people, only the ways to control and harm them. 

An abuser will never ever allow him/herself to experience guilt and responsibility for their actions, they may act it out for a bit in order to get what they want but you can count on them to go back to their old ways because they don’t change. An abuser would only change thru the extreme pain of remorse and they will refuse to go thru with it, because all their lives they’ve been running away from pain, and they see no gain in experiencing any of it. And they are weak, they can’t even handle pain, unlike their victims, the burden would most likely crush them to death. They’re a person living off of sucking the life out of others, incapable of humanity, incapable of change, incapable of love, incapable of anything but demanding more and more and never having enough, and this is not something that can change or be reversed anymore. There’s nothing valuable in them anymore, they’re just an empty shell filled with knives, who paint themselves with kindness to lure as many people as possible to cut themselves.

Touka knows about Hide

Okay so I’ve been thinking about the reveal at the end of the last chapter and a thought struck me. It’s entirely possible that Touka knows that Hide is alive but decided to keep it from Kaneki (not because she wanted to, but we’ll get into that). Okay so to start let’s start with one of the most mysterious scenes in :RE, Touka visiting someone in the hospital. This person was likely Hide, with the first appearance of Scarecrow coming one week later, during the auction. In such a short amount of time, it’s likely that Hide was conscious when Touka visited and they likely conversed between each other, likely about Kaneki. I believe that Hide asked Touka to keep him a secret from Kaneki (he likely didn’t want to burden him with the guilt of what he did to him, or waste time looking for him). We still don’t know how Touka might have learned about Hide, but if this theory is correct it will likely be expanded upon later.


Later, after Kaneki returns to Touka and :RE is destroyed, Touka asks Kaneki what he would do when he wanted to see Hide, to which he responds that he wouldn’t be able to do anything because he would “just be consumed by the desire to see him again”. I think Touka feels a bit of guilt for not being able to tell him that Hide is alive, so she decides to give him “another reason to live”.

Now another scene that comes to mind is the reunion scene between Kaneki and Amon, in which Amon asks Kaneki how he would feel if his the friends and acquaintances he thought he lost suddenly came back to him, to which he responds that he would be frightened to lose them again. This just seems to prove that it is best that Kaneki does not learn that Hide was alive, to protect him and his judgment.

This scene also implies that Amon somehow knows that Hide is alive as well as his relationship to Kaneki, even though he never gets to know about his connection to Kaneki. Who could have told him about it?

I believe that Touka told him during their talk. In the end they both seem to agree that it would be best for Kaneki if he didn’t have to know or worry about Hide.

Of course this is just a theory and I could be totally off the mark, but I would like to know what you guys think. As one final point, I would like to bring up an art piece by Ishida, depicting who I believe to be Hide. 

Both his pose and the shading imply that Hide seems to be in a dark or unstable frame of mind. Take it as you will, but I would be expecting Hide to be quite different from how we remember him.

Edit: to be clear, Touka isn’t telling Kaneki not because she doesn’t want to or because she’s “a bitch”, but probably because Hide asked her not to tell him. I’m not trying to stir up some anti-touka shit here.
Daddy Doesn’t Have to Know - Part 16

Title: Daddy Doesn’t Have to Know - Part 16

Characters: Negan x You/Reader

Synopsis: Negan tries to make a deal with Rick.

Warnings: SFW, some violence and anxiety

Original Idea by: @babyblues915

Note: Long overdue update! So sorry for being inactive lately, but thank you all so much for bearing with me! Hold tight because y’all are about to ride a much more intense roller coaster of emotions lmfao.

DDHTK Masterlist

You blamed yourself for everything.

If it wasn’t for your selfish desire to feed your sexual appetite for Negan, things would’ve been different. If you hadn’t let Negan fuck you over and over again, if you never gave him the chance to know you more or if you didn’t actually feel sorry for him for having a tragic past, you would never have fallen in love. You would have never betrayed your family.

And you would never be in this situation where all you could feel was anger for yourself…for trusting the enemy. For loving Negan and thinking that maybe he too, felt the same. But he didn’t and he never did.

You hated yourself for being the fool all this time.

Keep reading

Do you know why I love Dean Winchester? I love Dean Winchester because honestly, he just has the sweetest heart I’ve ever seen.

He grew up living in a nightmare existence where monsters are real, where every day he’s out there risking his life and getting hurt and watching people get killed, and he’s missed out on so many of the joys and comforts of a normal life, and he’s so burdened with responsibility and guilt and sorrow, but none of that takes away his sweetness in the small moments when no one else is paying attention: those times when he offers his arm to someone, holds open a door, drives someone to a hospital, gives a pep talk, tries to connect with a scared child, picks up a set of dropped keys, stands up for a stranger, gives a compliment… his life is practically hell, and yet he always takes the time to make someone else’s life just a little bit better.

Song of Themyscira | Ten

Summary: As an Amazonian warrior, you’re invited to Man’s World by Diana Prince. Ares, angered by the situation, decides to send an army, led by his son, to disrupt the peace. Will James be able to follow through, or will the Amazonians keep the peace?

Pairing: James ‘Bucky’ Barnes x Amazon!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Language

A/N: Is this the end? || SoT masterlist


Originally posted by rohgers

Keep reading