Bunny Costume Headcanon
I got the idea that Bitty’s puck bunny costume is actually onesie with removable arms and legs, and the Haus is fucking FREEZING in winter ‘cause no way those hockey bro fucks are winterizing SHIT. So, Bitty starts sleeping in the full onesie because it’s super cozy. He does not wear it outside his room until he comes off a HELLACIOUS roadie. Four days, three games. WHY WAS THE QUESTION ABOUT KILLING YOUR FAVORITE STUFFED ANIMAL FROM CHILDHOOD OR MAKING OUT WITH PLAY-OFF LEVEL HAIRY SHITTY.
He gets up the next morning, and his entire being is made of FUCK EVERYTHING. So he just keeps the onesie on and goes downstairs. The chriping starts before he’s halfway down, but he’s bleary-eyed and he’s bruised up and down his legs from a defenseman who thought it was funny to nail the little guy. So, he just flips everyone off and goes into the kitchen and pours coffee and pulls the entire apple-nutmeg pie he’d made to help him sleep last night, and he goes back to his room.
And the boys KEEP chirping even though he’s gone, and they go to raid the fridge, and they realize, oh, that was the last pie.
“Eh, give him the day. We’ll be restocked in no time,” Holster says.
Four days later, they have to go out and BUY bread, and WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE. IS BITTY DEAD. They end up buying a frozen casserole, and WHY IS IT MADE OF SALT. OH GOD WE HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. BITTY. BITTY OMG PLEASE MAKE US FOOD AGAIN. WE’RE LOSING WEIGHT FROM LACK OF PIE. WEAR THE ONESIE ALL THE TIME. NO CHIRPS. SWEAR TO GOD. SWEAR TO ZIMMERMANN. SWEAR ON CENTER ICE. BITTY. BITTY SAVE US.
A year later, new frogs in, one comes downstairs after another godawful roadie, and there’s Bitty in the onesie, the sleeves off so he can knead bread dough.
“Aw, look, it’s little Bitty-foo–”
DOGPILE. The Frog is FLAT OUT ON THE FLOOR and it’s like seven guys on him.
“No!” Shouts Chowder. “No! YOU WILL NOT BRING BACK THE PIE FAMINE.”