If someone hasn’t gotten back to you in a while...
DON’T MESSAGE THEM AGAIN.
I cannot stress this enough. Maybe they’ve decided not to keep talking to you - which is perhaps what you fear - but if this is the case, you’re just making yourself look pathetic. You won’t change their mind.
Or maybe, they’re just busy. Something came up. They’re asleep. They’re not online. They’re catching up with other messages. If you send a second message, you might start to seem a little…anxious at first. Desperate or clingy if it continues (or depending on the content of your message, it might just take one). And you might make the person decide not to message you anymore - even if before they had intended to, but just didn’t get around to it.
Now, you might suggest the possibility that they have forgotten to respond to your last message. Why send them a reminder? Fuck ‘em. They forgot to get back to you, which means, they weren’t all that interested in talking to you in the first place. Maybe, if you let it lie, they’ll eventually come back to it and realize they never responded to you (and remember how cool and irresistible and charming you were up until the moment they forgot they were talking to you) and send you a message - even months later - apologizing profusely and asking to start up the conversation again. That has happened to me. But it won’t happen if they come back to your message to find that you messaged them three, four, ten times with increasing desperation.
Just let it go. Don’t keep refreshing and wondering and overthinking the last thing you said. Message someone else. Or turn off OkCupid for a while.
File this under: advice I give out but don’t remember to follow.
I will not send unsolicited pictures of my cock. I will not call a stranger “baby” or “sexy” or “beautiful” or anything of that ilk. I will not proposition strangers for sex. I will not message a girl without reading her profile first. I will not message a girl if I am outside of her clearly stated preferred age range or preferred geographic convenience or preferred gender. I will not waste the time of someone when I do not meet requirements that they have clearly outline in their profile - even if those requirements are stupid or bigoted. I will not mention someone else’s race in my first message because I am not an insane asshole.
I will not copy and paste the same message to different girls. I do not deserve sex. I do not deserve attention. I am not a “nice guy” and I do not say “friend zone.” I am not owed a response to any message I send, no matter how polite I am, no matter how much effort I put into it. If I can’t say something nice, I won’t say anything at all. I will treat others with respect, even when I feel that I am not being treated with respect. I will be honest, I will be patient, I will not ask for nudes. I will be courageous and put myself out there. I will not apologize for my weight, my height, my personality, or what pictures I choose to put up. And I will never expect anyone else to do the same. I will not send unsolicited pictures of my cock.
Hunting: When the Heart is a Lonely Hunter (Seasons 4-5)
The next chapter in the book is called “When the Heart is a Lonely Hunter”, and I got crazy swendgame vibes from it. The fairy tale and chapter describe Emma and Regina’s relationship in seasons 4-5, and it’s definitely romantic. This is the chapter that made me want to write this meta and convinced me that SQ is endgame.
-Skeleton Woman: Facing the Life/Death/Life Nature of Love
The fairytale for this chapter is called “Skeleton Woman”. Here’s a brief summary:
A woman did something that her father disapproved of, so he threw her over the cliff into the sea where the fish ate her flesh and plucked out her eyes until just her skeleton was left in the sea. One day a fisherman/hunter was fishing and accidentally pulled up her skeleton. It terrified him at first so he began to run, but the Skeleton Woman chased and chased him. He ran into a tunnel, but he could not escape her. Then he saw by the light that she was all tangled up in his fishing line and he felt a kindness towards her, so he began to untangle her and set all of her bones straight. Then, the fisherman/hunter became tired and went to sleep. As he dreamed, he cried a tear. The Skeleton Woman took the tear and drank and drank and drank. Then she reached inside his chest and took out his heart. Then she banged on both sides of the thumping heart like a drum and sang “Flesh, flesh, flesh” and as she sang, her body began to fill out with flesh. And when she was done, she sang the sleeping man’s clothes off and crept into bed with him and slept with him skin to skin. She returned the great drum, his heart, to his body, and that is how they awakened, one around the other, tangled from their night together, in another way, a good and lasting way.
How To Interpret Skeleton Woman
“In all tales, there is material that can be understood as a mirror reflecting the illnesses or the well-being of one’s culture or one’s own inner life. Also in tales there are mythic themes that can be understood as describing stages of or instruction for maintaining balance in both inner and outer worlds. While the Skeleton Woman could be interpreted as representing the movements within a single psyche, I find this tale most valuable when understood as a series of seven tasks that teach one soul to love another deeply and well.”
So basically, this story provides instructions on how to get in touch with another part of the instinctual wolf nature, which includes the ability to have a long lasting romantic relationship, like wolves do, who often mate for life.
“As we see in the tale, if one wishes to be fed for life, one must face and develop a relationship with the Life/Death/Life nature. When we have that, we are no longer bumbling along fishing for fantasies, but are made wise about the necessary deaths and startling births that create true relationship.”
“The Life/Death/Life nature is a cycle of animation, development, decline, and death that is always followed by reanimation.”
“To create enduring love, Skeleton Woman must be admitted to the relationship and be embraced by both lovers.”
“Inability to face and untangle the Skeleton Woman is what causes many love relationships to fail.”
“Much of our knowledge of the Life/Death/Life nature is contaminated by our fear of death. Therefore our abilities to move with the cycles of this nature are quite frail. These forces do not ‘do something’ to us. They are not thieves who rob us of the things we cherish. This nature is not a hit-and-run driver who smashes what we value. No, no, the Life/Death/Life forces are part of our own nature, part of an inner authority that knows the steps, knows the dance of Life and Death. It is composed of the aspects of ourselves who know when something can, should, and must be born and when it must die. It is a deep teacher if we can only learn its tempo.”
“The instinctual nature has the miraculous ability to live through all positive boon, all negative consequence, and still maintain relationship to self, to others…But in order for humans to live and give loyalty in this most fit manner, in this way which is most wise, most preserving, and most feeling, one has to go up against the very thing one fears most. There is no way around it, as we shall see. One must sleep with Lady Death.”
“In much of Western culture, the original character of the Death nature has been covered over by various dogmas and doctrines until it is split off from its other half, Life…Rather than seeing the archetypes of Death and Life as opposites, they must be held together as the left and right side of a single thought.”
So the solution to having a long lasting romantic relationship is two-fold, according to this tale. On one hand, we have to be able to face Skeleton Woman aka the Life/Death/Life nature in our partner and have compassion for them through their death stages and still love them and help untangle them and bring them back to life.When we do this, we let go of fantasies aka happy endings and get to something more real. And, on the other hand, we must be able to get in touch with our own inner Skeleton Woman to know when it is time for the relationship to die or a new relationship to begin.
Hook told Emma that she was his happy ending aka his fantasy in season 4. And then we saw him react horribly to her dark side aka Skeleton Woman/Lady Death. He did not accept her then or love her. Hook does not truly love Emma deeply. And they contrasted his reaction to Dark Swan with Regina’s to show that Regina does truly love Emma deeply. So this part of my meta will document Emma and Regina’s story since season 4 and how it follows the Skeleton Woman tale with Regina=hunter/fisherman and Emma=Skeleton Woman. I will also point out how Hook fails Emma.
I'm a new sugar baby (from Seattle too 💖) I'm just having a hard time finding guys that are interested in more than just selling nudes and I'm not really sure what to do 😣
Maybe you’re not using the right sites!! SA, tinder, okcupid, bumble, and plenty of fish are all good. I literally use them all simultaneously to find more POTs, and find them faster. Also try changing around your profile, maybe it isn’t detailed enough, or you don’t have enough pictures.