bum wizard

fanboyofallthingsfandom  asked:

"Hey, you slept with my roommate who's a notorious slut but you seem like a decent guy and here have some pancakes and we can chat and wow you're actually really sweet and genuine are you sure you wouldn't prefer this roommate to the other one?" Any ship you please.

Here you go, Hun! I went with Merthur because the story was practically written for them in my head before I finished reading the prompt haha :P

Send me a ship + AU and I’ll write a ficlet (preferably Merthur, Bagginshield, Wolfstar or Johnlock

Oh, no. Not again.

That’s Merlin’s first thought upon seeing the strange blond man in his kitchen. He’s wearing what are clearly last night’s clothes (dark wash jeans and a scarlet button-up) as well as that look of regret and embarrassment he’s seen on so many of the people who have been through Gwaine’s bed.

He knows Gwaine doesn’t mean to hurt anyone (the man is basically a human labrador puppy) but he’s impulsive and careless and no matter how many times Merlin has told him to be discerning about the men and women he sleeps with, he can’t seem to understand that not everyone is as good at one-night stands as he is.

Merlin, for instance, is still dealing with his string of ‘just-tonights’ with Gwaine five years later.

The current victim turns around sharply when he hears Merlin enter the kitchen, causing the water in the glass he’s holding to slosh violently and spill onto his hand. He looks like he’s been caught in the middle of a burglary and Merlin has to fight an amused smile at his look of terror.

Keep reading

Walking Pincushion

Orc Ranger: How the heck is that walking pincushion still alive? That’s like eleven arrows.

Human Wizard: (as usual speaking in his characters posh British voice) I detect a hint of necromancy, he may potentially have an amulet of undying somewhere on his body.

Gnome Rouge: He is probably hiding it in his bum. Someone go check it.

Dwarf fighter: *starts chanting* check the bum, check the bum! 

Human Wizard: Oh my lord *walks away*

*Later after an incredible amount of laughing induced tears*

Gnome Rouge: I cannot believe it was actually in his bum what the heck is this campaign.

*blows a kiss* for all the snakies I’ve yet to meet.

Fat Acceptance, Like Batman, Has No Limits

It’s a point that’s been stated many times and by far more qualified people, but it’s worth repeating (in fact, it’s worth hammering into people’s skulls repeatedly using an actual physical hammer if necessary): Fat Acceptance can’t have limits.

What I mean by this is that if you say you support the rights of fat people- if you’re against the discrimination that is routinely directed against them in popular culture and day-to-day life- then that has to include all fat people. It doesn’t matter if they’re healthy or not, or if they’re larger than some arbitrary weight threshold you’ve pulled out your arse like some sort of rubbish bum-wizard.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Fat Acceptance is about combating the institutional and culture-wide prejudice against people of a certain body type. It’s about reclaiming the bodily autonomy of this group from the social judgment and ridicule that allows a perpetuation of this prejudice. That means that all fat people have to be allowed to live free of judgment, ridicule and self-satisfied moralising about their weight from others. You’re not allowed to say that you support Fat People’s rights only up until a certain weight or up until a certain level of health, because if you still want to set the limits of where fat people should have the same rights as everyone else, that’s you still wanting to have more of a say over fat people’s rights than they have themselves, and guess what basic principle of Fat Acceptance that violates… Bingo! Bodily Autonomy it is! If you got it reading along at home, award yourself a smack in the mouth.

In short, you’re either for Fat Acceptance for all fat people or you’re not. You don’t get to shove arbitrary barriers in at the points of your personal discomfort. If you feel uncomfortable with that: fine. Don’t comment at all, then. The Fat Acceptance Movement welcomes support, of course, but if you’re going to equivocate, it’s best that you just bite your tongue, ‘cause two-faced support is no support at all.

I see a lot of people- not members of the FA Movement, but random wingnuts usually- paying lip-service to their liberal credentials by saying that they support fat people’s rights to do whatever they like with their bodies before saying something like “except the really fat ones!” or “unless it’s unhealthy!”. And these people are not to be trusted. They’re don’t support the cause or care one iota about the people in it: they fundamentally still want to have more of a say over fat folk than fat folk do and as such they’re part of the problem far more than they’ll ever be part of the solution.

I post this for two reasons: to give you all a heads-up to beware this kind of thinking from others and to remind anyone reading not associated with Fat Acceptance not to engage in it yerselves. Partly because it’s wrong, but mostly because I’ll know and I’ve got a large collection of bludgeon-y objects.