bullshit you just full of it

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.

A Guide to Roleplaying Systems

Player: Can I do the thing?

Mutants and Masterminds: Yes you can do the thing.

GURPS: Fill out these forms in triplicate.

Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition: Yes, but it’s really not worth it unless you are a Dream Elf with the Godblooded feat and at least five levels in the Thingomancer Prestige class from Complete Thing. Or you could just play a Wizard, they get The Thing as a 3rd level spell.

Call of Cthulu: You can do the thing, but you REALLY don’t want to.

FATE: That depends, can you bullshit the GM into believing that one of your vaguely-worded aspects supports you doing The thing?

7th Sea: Only if the thing is properly dramatic!

Shadowrun: Yes, but you’ll need a bathtub full of D6s.

Paranoia: The thing is treason.

Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition:

[I copied the above from this brilliant post, and I reblogged as text because I really felt the need to add the gif for 5e, and chat posts don’t allow gifs, dammit.]

Realization that took me about 25 years: when Emperor Palpatine tells Luke “Strike me down with all your hatred, and your journey towards the Dark Side will be complete,” he’s not saying something deep about the nature of evil and the ease of turning into the bad guy.  He’s just making a last-ditch gambit to not get his ass lightsabered.  Luke’s kind of a sucker for falling for it.

Luke’s already decided violence is an acceptable tactic, based on the dozens of nameless troopers and pilots he’s blasted into subatomic particles, so why would the Emperor be any different?  Killing the Emperor isn’t going to make Luke a different kind of killer just because he killed someone with a visible face, and it’s certainly not going to make him start blowing up planets or torturing prisoners just for funsies.  Luke could have said “Strike you down? Don’t mind if I do,” done just that, and not only would the battle have ended the same way, his dad might have survived.

(And if Vader had survived, repented, and rejoined the Light Side, but retained his influence over the Imperial military, he could have saved everyone a whole lot of grief in the coming years.)

The point is, sometimes when your enemies say “You’re playing right into my hands!  The harder you oppose me, the more power I get!”, they’re actually just scared and full of bullshit.  Never forget to consider that possibility.