bullshit voodoo

Lance again

-this bitch knows so many languages, I’m not kidding, he knows Gaelic, and he will whisper sexual things in Shiro’s ears, Korean (yes Keith he heard your moonwax poetry about Hunk’s muscles and his caramel eyes), Japanese (Shiro often mumbles under his breath about Lance’s beauty), and so many more.

-he listens to any music from the 20s-to modern and any genre, he doesn’t care what era or what country as long as he likes it.

-as stated earlier he plays the ukulele, I’m adding the guitar (acoustic and electric), and the shamisen (I desperately want to learn how to play this grandiose instrument) and the classical instruments.

-his fav color is grey, or black. He also likes the rain. It makes him feel clean.

-he wears booty shorts and crop tops when he feels like it, which is often.

-Shiro is internally crying and trying not to jump Lance

-lance paints his nails azure and he made his nail Polish himself, fuck space malls and their outdated fashion.

-who the fuck wears parachute pants anyway??

-Lance watches The Addams Family, The Munsters, ghost hunting shows and serial killer documentaries.

-when Haggar does that magic voodoo bullshit she gets the fuck out real fast and vows never again. bc fuck the blue paladin is fucking horrifying, why does he know how to cook and eat a human?? Why does he know eighty ways to kill a man in an empty room?? What the fuck??

-Lance has existential crises on the ship, Allura hears him talking outloud about the inevitably of death and the numbness of existing,, she is shook and has to sit for hours to recollect her will to live, she vows to solidify Lance’s place in the team and thier hearts

-Lotor freaks tf out,,, how is someone so damn beautiful hanging about his such riffraff,,, he tries to snatch lance away after lacing his drink,, Shiro shoots Lotor in the ass for even trying to steal his koi.

-When Lance goes swimming Hunk goes with him, lance doesn’t go alone after he decided to go surfing at night on veradero’s coast. He was taken down and nearly drowned

-lance has always wanted to be a waterbender, so when a druid hits blue with a quintessence blast ending with lance and blue melding their quintessence together he gains the ability to manipulate the states of water he fucks around with everyone, Keith’s pants suddenly get wet, Pidge’s water stays in the glass (even when she holds it upside down), Shiro’s shirts are always wet and they stick to him like a second skin. Ice covers Lance’s arms and he panics resulting in some queen elsa bulllshit

-if you piss Lance off be prepared for a fucking guilt trip,, he will wreck you and your bloodline.

-He will call Shiro out on his favoritism daily,,, bc you can’t favor two people out of a crew of seven, including yourself, self care Shiro. Self care.

-Lance can hold his liquor like the Irishmen of old. Challenging him to a drinking contest is asking for alcohol poisoning

-Lance is a romantic/angry drunk.
(“Shhhirrooo, dance wif meee”///“I will kick your ass, I’ll kick my own ass, I’ll kick the Sun’s ass”)

-Lance always wanted to be a surgeon, or a coroner. The human body has always interested him, this explains why he watches those documentaries

-Pidge snaps one day at Lance for no reason, lance don’t play that white people shit where the young ones rule the damn world, Pidge now understands La Chancla™ and the fear. She also gets a timeout and naptime.

-Lance will mother the shit out of anyone and anything.

-alien refugees? Boom! Mother lance at your service!

-he gives Lotor a strict talking too, it doesn’t work and lance is left with a bruise the size of a volleyball.

-Shiro nearly kills Lotor with his organic hand.

-Hunk and Lance cook and bake and talk about boys. Pidge is ace, Allura is asexual, and Coran is faithful to his deceased wife

-Hunk is also Lance’s sparring partner, neither of them ever hold back, one day Kieth walks in on them and thought they were trying to kill each other

-lance dislikes the quite, he fills it with his voice so he doesn’t go mad with depression and kill someone.

-he contemplates death so much. It’s worrying

-the mind meld thing? Yeah, everyone comes out mildy scared and mildly threatened.

-Shiro thinks its pretty hot when lance rambles about serial killers, Shiro supposes it kuro trying to break out.

-Lance loves having shaved legs and wearing cute dresses and skirts

-florals are his favorite pattern

-this boy is a leggy boi.

-he wears heels and slays the make-up game.

-Allura is jealous.

2P America's Phone Contact Names
  • 1P!America: Eat Pussy Not Animals Would Ya Porkchop
  • 2P!China: Not A Drug Dealer
  • 2P!England: Dont Answer Its The Pink Nightmare
  • 2P!France: Smoky
  • 2P!Russia: Motherfucking Killjoy
  • 2P!Italy: Pain In The Ass Italian
  • 2P!Germany: Hitler Descendant
  • 2P!Japan: Fuckin R00d
  • 2P!Canada: MATTY MOOSE
  • 2P!Romano: So Fancy
  • 2P!Austria: Voodoo Bullshit
  • 2P!Prussia: That One Quiet Albino Dude
The Thing ( 1982 ) Sentence Starters
  • " It's weird and pissed off. "
  • " Why don't we just wait here a little while? "
  • " How you doin' old boy "
  • " I don't know who to trust. "
  • " Trust is a hard thing to come by these days. "
  • " You gotta be fuckin' kidding. "
  • " Yeah, fuck you too! "
  • " You're gonna have to sleep sometime. "
  • " I'm a real light sleeper, ___. "
  • " Somebody ain't who he appears to be. "
  • " This is pure nonsense. "
  • " I have to talk to you. "
  • " I just cannot believe any of this voodoo bullshit. "
  • " Government knows all about it. "
  • " From now on I want my kitchen clean, all right? Germ free! "
  • " It's gonna get a hell of a lot worse before it gets any better! "
  • " Don't argue with him! "
  • " You guys think I'M crazy?! "
  • " I'LL KILL YOU! "
  • " Nobody...Nobody trusts anybody now. "
  • " We're all very tired. "
  • " You gonna let HIM give the orders? "
  • " We're not getting out of here alive. "

anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm a big fan of your blog, I love your writing, and I was wondering if you would write a fluffy, taking care of someone fic with engie, I've been really sick today and it would be really nice to read.

Hi Anon, I’m sorry I missed this earlier in the evening. I hope you’re feeling better, but if not, here’s a little Engie/Sniper fluff for you.


Engineer looked at the thermometer, pulling his goggles up to squint a little closer at the red line of mercury within. “Hundred and two degrees. You’re in luck.”

“Luck?” Sniper grumbled as he pulled the covers back up to his chin. “You gotta weird idea about luck, Truckie.”

“Hundred and three and it’d be Medic in here instead of me.” Engineer patted Sniper’s shoulder as he got up from the bed. “Unless you prefer his bedside manner.”

Sniper only groaned in response as he let his head drop back on the pillow. He’d been hoping that whatever it was spreading through both 2Fort bases would pass him by. For the past two weeks he’d steered well clear of the base unless absolutely necessary, but somehow it had still knocked him flat on his back. He’d tried to sleep it off, but after nearly falling out of his own bunk trying to make it to the camper’s sink, he’d swallowed his pride. Dragging himself to his radio, he called the only mercenary who he could be relatively certain that he’d get some sympathy from.


One short truck ride later, and the Texan was helping him into the small cot in the corner of the base workshop. A glass of juice, a dose of aspirin, and one patchwork quilt later, and Sniper was as comfortable as he could possibly be given the circumstances.

And he’d been here ever since.

“How is it that you’re so bloody healthy?” Sniper’s voice held more of a whine than he would have liked, but he really was beyond caring at the moment. His head throbbed and his body ached worse than a trip through respawn. It really wasn’t fair, Engineer being all healthy. The sound of workboots hitting the floor caused him to open his eyes, and a strong hand prompted him up as Engineer slid in behind him.

“Donno. Clean living, I suppose.”

“Bullshit. Bloody voodoo, or black magic, or somethin’.”

Engineer chuckled and pulled the covers up over both of them. “Just got a good constitution, that’s all. Lets me play nursemaid to ornery mercenaries like you. Now get some sleep.”

Sniper snorted as he lay his head on Engineer’s lap, but soon his eyes started to droop. Calloused fingers ran through his hair, gently working their way through the tangled mess until it was smooth. The gentle rise and fall of breath him was soothing, Engineer’s unoccupied arm laying over his shoulder an extra layer of protection between him and the rest of the world as it slowly ran up and down over his side.

So sure Sniper felt like crap. But at least it was in the best way possible.