bulldog skateboards

Bonus: Let’s Beat Them Into Shape {New Avengers x Fem!Reader}

~Part 3~ The Life of an Avenger: Age of Ultron

Prompt: The training process begins for Steve, Natasha, (Y/N), Wanda, Sam, Rhodey, and Vision. Consider this a montage of ‘this isn’t really working ‘to ‘eh, maybe.’

Warnings: cursing

Originally posted by my-avengers-imagines

 “Faster! Come on, faster!” Natasha ordered Sam, Wanda, and (Y/N) to do sprints back and forth across the training room floor. “I don’t see you sweating, снежинка (snowflake)!” Natasha ordered specifically at (Y/N).

 “It’s all in my asscrack, so you can’t see it!” (Y/N) yelled back dramatically and Natasha had to turn away to avoid laughing. Then, she straightened herself up again, stiff as a board.

 “An extra laps for the insubordinates!” Natasha directed, her face returning to the stoic state it was supposed to be, her red lips tightly shut against laughter.

 “Fuck you, (Y/N),” Sam huffed as he heaved his worn body around to sprint to the other side of the gym.

 “No thanks. I’m with Steve,” (Y/N) answered as she finished the extra two laps ahead of Wanda and Sam, then stood beside Natasha with barely a sweat and smiled up to her. Natasha just shook her head, not daring to look at (Y/N)’s face for fear of breaking her character.

 “I’ll break you eventually,” she threatened poisonously, but (Y/N) just shrugged.

 “I’d rather you broke me, than a condom between Steve and I,” then, she kissed Nat’s cheek and skipped out of the training facility as Sam laid on the floor in a puddle of sweat and Wanda leaned against the wall, wheezing slightly as she held her side. 

 “I love her,” Sam groaned, “but I hate her.”

  “Agreed,” Wanda sighed as she tried to walk, but ended up almost face-fucking the floor mat.

  “So does it hurt?” (Y/N) asked Vision bluntly as they were combining beams of ice and…mind laser? Seriously, though, what are his powers? Are there really any perimeters to his powers?

  “Does what hurt?” Vision asked.

  “Growing a cape from your back?” (Y/N) continued as she dropped the beam. “Like, where does it even come from? How does it really help you in the long-run?”

  “…uh, I do not know exactly, (Y/N),” Vision answered in a daze, for the first time not knowing anything. “It is simply…there, I suppose.”

  “Seems like a waste of fucking time, so, I’ll tell you what I told Loki, straight from the mouth of a great and powerful woman,” (Y/N) shouted over her shoulder, “’No capes!’”

  “Shove it in there! Come on! Shove it up there!” (Y/N)’s loud, yet hushed whispers echoed down the hallway where Steve had just entered, about to start a training session with Sam and (Y/N).

 “It’s too big, (Y/N)!” Sam groaned back. “It won’t fit!”

 “Try harder! You’re so close!” (Y/N) moaned, struggle clear in her voice. “Tighter! Tighter!”

 Steve was baseline murderous.

 ‘One of my best friends! With (Y/N) and…no, no, no, no…’

 “No, no, no, no!” Steve shouted as he rounded the corner, fists raised, ready to fight Sam to the death…then, there was (Y/N) and Sam…big, wide eyes at being caught…shoving one of the punching dummies in Rhodey’s War Machine suit.

 “It was Sam’s idea,” (Y/N) answered quickly, pointing conspicuously at Sam who just looked at her, putting his hand dramatically on his chest like, ‘oh, no you didn’t.’

 “Hell, no! This was all your little lady’s idea!” Sam argued, pointing back at (Y/N).

 “Yeah,” (Y/N) bent over laughing and nodded to Steve. “Yeah, it was totally me.” 

 Steve just looked completely shell-shocked, hands still in tight fists at his side until (Y/N) spotted Rhodey sauntering up the same hallway, his head buried in his tablet.

 “Sam!” (Y/N) whispered and pointed behind Steve.

 “Haul ass!” he whispered back sharply as they threw War Machine into Steve’s limp arms and booked it out of the training facility. Steve slowly turned to Rhodey who just surveyed Steve and shook his head.

 “Man, I expected better of you,” then, grabbed his suit back from Steve’s arms as he clicked his tongue. Steve numbly turned to glare at Sam and (Y/N) as they rolled on the lawn just outside the windows of the training room, laughing their asses off, pushing each other with tears in their eyes.

 “We’re so screwed,” Steve whispered to himself as he brought his hand up to his forehead, listening to the muffled hyenas continue their Comedy Club of stupidity.

  “I dare you…to seduce the dummy,” (Y/N) mused to Wanda who looked taken aback at first, then shrugged because it was just (Y/N) in the training room, and they’d done way weirder shit at their apartment including, and definitely not limited to, making pancakes shaped like aliens and penises, dancing to My Chemical Romance, Destiny’s Child, and Paramore in just their bras and underwear, and getting drunk by watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Steve even caught them waxing each other’s arm pits in their bathroom…twice.

  “Okay,” she shrugged, then she started to hump the red punching dummy, even started to serenade it with, “Barbie Girl,” just as Steve walked in. He stared for a while as Wanda continued to laugh her ass off with (Y/N) who totally saw Steve, but let Wanda continue anyway because, yeah, she was an asshole. A full thirteen seconds later (which, think about it, that’s a lot), she finally realized Steve was there, his arms crossed and face stern with a, ‘we’re all gonna die,’ look on his face. Wanda slowly stopped and looked down to the ground in embarrassment.

  “Come on, Steve,” (Y/N) contended him boisterously, “you gotta admit that’s a chiseled dummy.” Then, she got up and felt the dummy’s abs. “Plastic, yet fantastic!”

  “I am so sorry, Steve,” Wanda apologized. “We decided to play this game and…I really am sorry.”

  “It’s not you, Wanda. Believe me,” Steve glared at (Y/N) who started to hump the dummy and smile at him, “it’s not you.”

  “I feel like I’m riding a Vegas bull sideways!” (Y/N) laughed. “I’m vertical humping! I’m vertical humping!”

  “I have an idea!” (Y/N) exclaimed excitedly as she busted through the doors of the training room just as Rhodey punched Sam in the stomach.

  “Dammit, (Y/N)!” Sam groaned from the ground. “Don’t distract me!” Then, he pointed at Rhodey. “She distracted me!”

  “Don’t be a sore loser,” Rhodey stated as he helped Sam up, “that’s just sad.”

  “What’s your idea, (Y/N)?” Steve asked, slightly concerned, but (Y/N)’s face held no mischief (for once).

  “Ice surfing,” (Y/N) announced proudly. The three guys just looked confused, and (Y/N) sighed. “I was watching The Incredibles when it hit me. Just watch.”

  The three gave her space while she set her eyes on the space before her, hands spiraling in silver magic. Suddenly, she sprinted forward and froze the ground before her and…nothing. She stood on solid ground while a few feet in front of her, the ice extended in a ramp of crystal. Sam clapped mockingly.

  “Encore! Encore!” Sam appreciated sarcastically. “Encore!”

  “Oh! Ice surfing!” Rhodey exclaimed theatrically while (Y/N) just stared at the ground. “No, I get it now. I totally see it.”

  “I’m supposed to be over there,” (Y/N) hypothesized, pointing to the ramp in confusion as she brought her magic back in, then fake laughed at Rhodey and Sam. “And ha, ha, ha, fuck! You two are goddamn comedians! But you still can’t beat me,” she stated as she straightened up.

  “I thought you were funny,” Rhodey nodded to Sam who patted him on the back.

  “Back at you,” Sam affirmed.

  “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” (Y/N) chanted, mocking Sam as she lined up her shot again, Steve watching her extremely carefully. He always did because…well, (Y/N) was crazy.

  “Just show us what you interrupted our unfair fight for, Frozone,” Sam taunted as (Y/N) turned to him with a gasp.

  “You’ve seen-”

  “Yeah, now shut up and do your thing,” Sam huffed at her as she laughed and turned back. Suddenly she ran, hands outstretched, but this time she leaped on the ice like a slip-and-slide. 

  No, really. Like a slip-and-slide. She didn’t really know what she expected on a ramp of fucking ice, but Steve anticipated her fall as he caught her bridal style when she slipped backwards, almost cracking her skull on the linoleum floor.

  “What does this mean?” (Y/N) asked him with wide eyes. “Is this a sign?” she joked, but Steve wished she wasn’t.

  “Guess it means that that,” he pointed at the melting ramp, “won’t work,” Steve concluded as he righted her up.

  “Bullshit,” (Y/N) huffed, blowing the wisps of hair from her face. “If Leonardo DiCaprio can win an Oscar, then I can do this.”

  “Right,” Rhodey rolled his eyes, “because that logic adds up perfectly.”

  “Drop the hatch, Downgraded Iron Man,” (Y/N) quipped.

  “Brr,” Sam shivered, “is it cold in here or is that just me?”

  “No, it’s me, and my good idea,” (Y/N) emphasized.

  This continued on for a good two hours, which nobody objected to because A. (Y/N)’s commentary was rapid-fire, and B. She was actually getting the hang of it. (Y/N) realized she needed to freeze her own feet to the beam, and travel from there. The only issue was melting the restraints before she ran into a wall or something….  

  Okay, it only happened once, but whatever. Shut up about it, alright?

  Anyway, after a few more days…and a few more walls…to the face…she got it! Now, (Y/N) could surf the skies (okay, maybe not the skies, but she could land surf) and it was fucking awesome. Awesome like that bulldog on the skateboard. Like Nicki Minaj breaking Miley Cyrus like a twig in front of the whole world. Like cold pizza for breakfast…literally any day. No special days, just cold pizza, yeah? Fucking awesome like that.

  By the end, the team was in awe. Nat and Steve high-fived because maybe they weren’t completely screwed. Now, all they needed was to get everyone to work together.

  The new team went through several simulations formulated by Tony, who decided that to be a better use of his time than say, oh, mini-Terminators that threaten the planet…cute! Totally on trend.

  Well, the simulators, his charity program, and something else…next chapter, next chapter (a chapter that’s ten times better than this shitshow, but this is what happened before the new Avengers became anything of actual use to the world. I don’t write this stuff, this happened…I swear).

  However, one of the funniest simulations was the third one (the first two were just…let’s just say everyone swore, ankle swore for good measure, to never tell what went on. It was the same way with the OG’s and Mario Kart…just don’t).

  So, the simulation began in a forest, tall trees surrounding each of the Avengers in a hazy aisle of their own, kind of reminding (Y/N) of a beautiful bowling ally…just possibly hiding bloodthirsty demons out to kill her and her friends instead of bowling pins…but, really, no big deal. It seemed like any Slender Man setting she’d ever seen, so she just shrugged and waited for something to happen just like the other Avengers. She waited, and waited, and waited, but nothing happened, so she thought, ‘fuck it,’ and started to scratch out a dick on each of the trees down her aisle on the left hand side with a dagger of ice, not even realizing that Wanda was on the other side of her treeline…doing the exact same shit. 

  Fate is a real kick in the ass, ain’t it?

  So, the simulation goes on when all of a sudden, everyone heard, “Are those…penises?” Sam wondered aloud to the right of (Y/N).

  “You can see them too?” (Y/N) played dumb.

  “I hate Stark,” Natasha mumbled as she tried to kick down the trees, but they were too thick, and the mist behind the treeline were like smoke. Her, Steve, Rhodey, and Vision (the only ones who investigated) couldn’t breath when they tried to roam through it.

  “Can anyone get through the mist?” Rhodey called out and everyone answered, ‘no,’ while Wanda and (Y/N) continued on.

  “No, but Stark is really pissing me off,” Steve grumbled, making (Y/N) cover her mouth from laughter, but she continued on. “Seriously, what the hell is wrong with him?”

  “So, what do we do, Cap?” Sam asked while he sat on a rock and polished his wings.

  “Vision, try slicing the trees…no, you’ll hit someone…Sam can you see anything above the treeline?” Steve ordered.

  Sam looked up from his seat on the rock and shrugged. 


  “I will attempt, Captain Rogers,” Vision amended as he lifted off, but the trees seemed to extend endlessly. Branch by branch they extended into oblivion as Vision’s mind warped with the hallucination drugs used to inspire the simulation. After two minutes of spinning mid-air, he dropped to his knees and breathed out, “Nothing, sir. I cannot seem to reach a premium altitude for maximum surveillance. The hallucination continues to drag me down.”

  “Damn…” Steve whispered. “(Y/N)!”

  “Dicks! What?” (Y/N) whipped her head up too quick, causing the slip of her tongue. “Dude, these dicks just keep coming…cumming….”

  “(Y/N), can you do anything except make dirty puns?” Steve asked. “Seriously, anything.”

  “I can offer you a few sarcastic comments and a hug…no wait,” (Y/N) paused, “we can’t reach each other.”

  “You’re useless,” Steve waved at her, wherever she was, she was waved at. Not that it would’ve mattered to her. She continued hers and Wanda’s mission without much of a care. The simulations were always stupid/ Tony was still working out the kinks.

  “Wanda?” Natasha asked. “Anything from your side?”

  “Just more gifts from Stark,” Wanda stated as she carved another one, but added a bow tie. That was a special tree. “The bastard.”

  “So, when are the bad guys coming?” Sam asked as he picked off a hangnail from his middle finger.

  “After masturbation, duh,” (Y/N) stated. And Wanda had to cover her mouth, breathing heavily from her nose.

  “Like I said,” Steve huffed, “useless.”

  The new Avengers (okay, everyone except (Y/N) and Wanda) continued to discuss their situation and try to solve the issue before them.

  Well, (Y/N) wasn’t having that, so she eventually reached the third to last tree in her line before the drugs would send her back to the beginning, and she noticed a tiny red button near the very back of the tree. And yeah, ‘don’t press the red button! Don’t do it bitch! Don’t push it! The whole place is gonna blow up like a drunk college chick after too much Taco Bell! Don’t push it!’

  She totally pushed it.


  Then, she was back in the Avengers facility. Yep, that was it. Simple and easy. ‘Just always take in your surroundings’ was the message she supposed.

  Turns out, Wanda was ten minutes out behind her while the rest of the team spent three more hours in the simulation, and couldn’t find the tiny red button.

  (Y/N) and Wanda met up for coffee, then went home and napped together on the couch listening to (Y/N)’s “Badlands” vinyl by Halsey.

  “So, if the guards were to catch you during a mission, what would you do?” Steve asked Wanda during their training session while she levitated Steve in the air.

 “Knock them out before they could alert anyone else,” Wanda answered as if it was a test and she was about to be graded critically for it. (Y/N) just rolled her eyes and Wanda glared at (Y/N).

 “Why so smug, (Y/N)? I answered right.” Wanda contended. “What would you do?”

 “Fart,” (Y/N) stated. “That’d clear the room, really knock ‘em dead.”

 “You’re impossible,” Steve huffed as Wanda placed him lightly on his feet. “You’re turn.”

 (Y/N) didn’t even look up from the book she was reading, “Looking for Alaska.” She brought her hand up, and the gust of freezing wind almost knocked Steve into the ceiling while simultaneously freezing his nipples off.

 “(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” Steve yelled in a panic, making (Y/N) peer up from her book.

 “Oh, shit!” (Y/N) exclaimed, wide eyed, but definitely not bushy tailed as she brought him down gently to the floor where he just crossed his arms, waiting for an apology. (Y/N) stared at him, then pointed down at her book. “Alaska’s gonna get lung cancer.” Was all she said and Wanda almost fell over from laughter because she’d read the book, while Steve just glared at her. “Seriously, those cigarettes are gonna turn her lungs to shriveled prunes…like an old lady’s butt,” (Y/N) mused. That broke him.

 “Dammit, (Y/N)!” Steve laughed. “This needs to be serious. We’re about to go on some pretty dangerous missions here.”

 (Y/N) just raised her eyebrow at him like, ‘bitch, really?’ Steve nodded to her and sighed at him own words.

 “Yeah, never mind,” he shook his head at himself, then straightened up. “I want to see what you two were talking about. How you, um, combined your powers, you said? Back in Sokovia.”

 “Oh, yeah!” (Y/N) clapped her hands excitedly, then turned to Wanda and crouched down like a football player in a huddle, Wanda following suit. “We’ve been training our whole four days of our lives for this moment, just you and me, okay?” (Y/N) pointed two fingers at her own eyes, then over to Wanda’s hazel eyes who just narrowed her eyebrows dramatically. “And, break!” (Y/N) clapped once, then they were both standing, shaking themselves off. They both nodded to each other, then began twisting their hands before themselves, creating orbs of red and silver that spiraled together upwards, forming a shield that extended around each other while Steve moved back, safely out of the way. He watched with awed eyes at the beautiful magic around the two girls who smiled at each other in a serious “Twitches” moment, knowing that they were fucking awesome (well, (Y/N) more than Wanda who was still coming out of her shell, but (Y/N) would help her with that). Slowly, they breathed in, dissolving the shield into simply sparks of red and silver glitter that danced in the evening sunlight that streamed through the large, training room windows.

 “Yep, training over for the day,” Steve announced with a huge smile. “That was…something else. I see why the Iron Legion were so afraid of you two.”

 “Aw!” (Y/N) said as she brought her hands to her cheeks and she stode up to Steve. “Don’t make me blush,” she waved her hand at him, then paused. “No, I’m just kidding, keep making me blush.”

 “I love you,” Steve smiled as they shared a small kiss.

 “Right back at you, champ,” (Y/N) smiled, then turned to Wanda. “I’m hungry. You?”

 “Papa John’s?” Wanda asked in a side-smile. After (Y/N) had given Wanda the first slice, oh, God! She fell in love. If their friendship hadn’t already started out great (well, after she decided Ultron was a bag of raging assholes), the pizza just strengthened it more. Pizza is magical, man. Brings the whole world together.

 “Papa John’s!” (Y/N) nodded once, then high-fived her as Steve, (Y/N), and Wanda went back to their apartment. Wanda didn’t have anywhere else to go, so Steve and (Y/N) were more than happy to allow her to stay with them for as long as she needed. Especially after Pietro had just passed, they weren’t going to just leave her…wherever. Wanda would wake up crying in the middle of the night and (Y/N) promised her a shoulder to cry on (just as she had with Tony, Nat, and Bruce) which never went unused, but (Y/N) didn’t mind. She had always wished she had had someone there for her when her own brother died, so at least Wanda wouldn’t have to go through the traumatic experience alone. Wanda appreciated the hell out of both of them. Especially (Y/N).

 Tony was still (Y/N)’s best friend, but Wanda came at a very close second (oh, but then there was Bruce…ugh! And Nat…don’t even mention Clint…no she had a lot of close friends). And, yes, Steve was still the love of her life, and her his. Gosh, anyone could say (Y/N)’s life was wonderful, and at times, it was. But, the life an Avenger was never so fucking simple. Things always seemed to go wrong just when they seemed to go right. Luckily, for now, life seemed pretty good.

  Until honesty gets all up in everyone’s business. Especially (Y/N)’s.

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*follow and like for more*

*I rushed on this one because I’m heading off to work now. The next ones will be better (hopefully)*