bull pizzle

Each house's favourite:  Shakespearean insult
  • Gryffindor: "Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch" (King Lear)
  • Hufflepuff: "Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish!" (Henry IV)
  • Ravenclaw: "Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows" (Troilus and Cressida)
  • Slytherin: "The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril" (The Merry Wives of Windsor)
The Signs as Shakespearean Insults
  • Aries: Mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worm
  • Taurus: You bull's pizzle
  • Gemini: You three-inch fool
  • Cancer: Thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch
  • Leo: You basket-hilt stale juggler
  • Virgo: You egg! Young fry of treachery!
  • Libra: Poisonous bunchback'd toad
  • Scorpio: Thou crusty batch of nature
  • Sagittarius: Thou mis-shapen dick
  • Capricorn: Thou elvish-marked abortive rooting hog
  • Aquarius: Thou cream-faced loon
  • Pisces: A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch
Waking up somewhere without you,
Is like the smell of beans cooking without bacon,
Like watching a sunset I can’t see in your eyes,
So that I might as well be pacing in the dark at midnight,
It’s hard for me to tell you I miss you,
And that makes lonely moments hurt so much more,
All my moments are lonely now.
—  “The Collected Poetry of Bull Pizzle, Suburban Cowboy Poet”