Credit to Scooty Got Dat Booty for the idea! This is just how I imagine the mercs’ handwriting and such.
Scout writes everything with super human speed, which is handy, but it screws up his handwriting to the point of it being illegible. He’s never even attempted to learn cursive, so he prints everything. That, mixed with his horrible handwriting, usually results in everything he writes looking like it was written by a seven-year-old.
Soldier can barely read, much less write, but when he does, it’s in ALL CAPS AND EVRTYNG IS MISPELD. He also likes writing with sharpie, so most of the furniture in the base is stained with black smudges.
Pyro is illiterate, however they’ve been trying to learn for quite some time. After some help from Heavy, they began to write every once and a while, but only in crayons or glitter pens and only if they can decorate the page they’re writing on with pictures of unicorns, suns, and flowers.
Demo’s handwriting looks as drunk as he is most of the time. It slants so far to one side that people usually have to turn to the side, just to read it. He also had a bad habit of ending words with excessively long lines where his hands slipped when he writes in cursive.
Heavy can write in Russian and English and has a surprisingly big vocabulary when it comes to writing. Despite this, his handwriting is sloppy, not necessarily bad but sloppily written. He doesn’t put much care into perfecting his letters and they’re often almost just big smudges.
Engineer went to a private school in the south, which means he knows cursive left, right, and upside down. He still prefers printing, though, since it seems more sensible when writing out blueprints and the like. His printing is very angular and boxy, and a lot of times, his letters start to somehow look like numbers.
Medic is a doctor, what more can I say about his handwriting? It is illegible it everyone but himself. He writes in shorthand and cursive that loops all over the page. He also often switches to Latin or uses codewords, so even if you could understand his handwriting, you wouldn’t understand the words. He always has perfect grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
Sniper only writes when it’s time to send a postcard back home to his folks in Australia. Since his mother always comments on his handwriting, he’s learned to print nicely. Cursive, however, is still a mystery to him. He can read it fine enough, just not write in it.
Spy is the king of cursive and all other types of fancy lettering. It would take nothing short of a miracle to get him to print. Although his letters are always perfect, he occasionally makes small grammatical errors, but if anyone points them out (*cough*Scout*cough*) they will receive a long lecture on the idiocy that is the English language and probably end up with a knife to the leg. He can write in any of the Romance languages, Morse code, and shorthand.
Okay, so I know this might be weird, but I’ve always thought that there are slight differences between the mercenaries on RED and BLU team. For example, I think RED Spy is a bit older and more experienced, and he’s perfected his ability at stabbing and sapping, while BLU Spy is younger and more enthusiastic and is better at disguising and cloaking. RED Sniper prefers his rifle and SMG and is a little more socially awkward, while BLU Sniper prefers the huntsman and his kukri and tends to avoid people because he’s a loner, not because he’s awkward. And Candygrahm had a really interesting idea that RED Medic was more confident in medicine for the experiments and to get out his crazy, while BLU Medic is a little more meeker and more timid, and actually focuses on the objective, rather than the procedures that could come out of it.
The heck did ya just say about me, ya mother hubbard? I’ll have you know I graduated top of mah class in Engineerin’ school, and I’ve been involved in a bunch of secret raids on Reliable Excavation and Demolition, and I have over 300 confirmed sentry kills. I am trained in ninjaneering and I’m the top Engineer in the entire BLU team. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the heck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my goshdern words. Ya think ya can get away with sayin’ that crap to me over the Internet? Think again, son. As we speak I’m contactin’ mah secret network of BLU spies across the badlands and your IP is bein’ traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call yer life. Yer deader than a doorknob, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hunnerd ways, and that’s just with mah wrench. Not only am I extensively trained in wrench combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Builders League United and I will use it to its full extent to wipe yer miserable behind off the face of the continent, ya lil’ shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about ta bring down upon ya, maybe ya would have held your gosh-darn tongue. But ya couldn’t, ya didn’t, and now you’re payin’ the price, ya goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Yer fucking dead, kiddo.
So this is how the Mercs learned how to use their distinct fighting styles and so forth. I just thought it would be interesting to write, and I hope interesting to read! This was sort of tough for me, since I have slight differences in my headcanons for the pasts of some of the Mercs, but I thought I’d just share my favorite of the two. Anyway, love you all and hope you enjoy!
Scout learned how to run fast from an early age, because of how many older brothers he had. When he developed an interest in baseball, and found out he was decent at it, his running turned from a defense mechanism into another sport, another skill. Being as egotistical as he is, Scout picked up on the fact that he was good at these very quickly and turned them into his way of getting a job. When he heard about the job at Tuefort, he got out his dad’s old shotgun and off he went.
Soldier has told his story thousands of times, but it never gets any more believable. According to him, he went on a Nazi-killing spree after being rejected from the military and then started looking for another battle to take part in. However, the story is -for the most part- true, no matter how made-up it sounds. After he returned form Europe, Soldier wanted to settle into a good-old American, cherry pie lifestyle, until he realized he had no money. So, he moved in with Merasmus and started learning how to use rocket launchers and different kinds of guns and multiple types of guns, instead of the shovel he’d originally used to kill. After he found out about the battles of Tuefort, he realized it was perfect. He could make money, and he could fight, like he’d always wanted.
Pyro is a mystery. Mrs. Pauling and the Administrator claim they know Pyro’s backstory, but no one is really sure if they’re telling the truth. No one knows anything about Pyro except that they were living in Mexico when they went to battle in Tuefort. With how well they handle fire, it’s guessed that they have worked with it since they were very young.
Demoman was always pretty good at chemistry, and had a good mind when it came to chemicals and explosions, but he never put it to use until he discovered how to make bombs in the fifth grade. After that, there was no stopping him. Demo caused so much explosion-based mischief in his orphanage that the people who ran it almost starting crying with joy when his parents finally came back for him. By the time he was a teenager, he started creating his own kind of bombs and eventually had a whole arsenal of different kinds of explosions, fireworks, and fires he could cause just by throwing a mixture of chemicals. When he heard about Tuefort, Demo realized it was his perfect chance to put his explosions to good use and get his mother off his back about getting a job.
Engineer’s father was one of the TFC Mercs, and also the one who created respawn and most of the other technology the Mercs use in their battles. Because of this, he never saw his father, and the few times he did, he was working on machines. In hopes of getting some attention from his father, Engie started designing and building machines, until it became an actual hobby, not just a way to get his father to notice him. After he skipped mutliple grades and got his multiple degrees, Engie started inventing, but his heart wasn’t in it. All of his favorite inventions and machines were far too violent for practical use. What he needed was a war, and he got just that. His father got him a spot on one of the teams and Engie took off from there.
Heavy was never much of a fighter when he was very young. Before him and his family were taken away to the prison camp for his father’s rebellion, Heavy was a bookish, meek, boy who spent all of his time reading and trying to learn other languages. The camp toughened him into a fearsome, deadly, and strong warrior. He realized he could use this to help get his family out and in the process, liberated the entire camp and tortured the guards who had hurt his sisters to death. Heavy hates talking about this, however, and if anyone brings it up, he changes the subject. After they escaped, Heavy learned how to use a gun in case anything like that happened again, and he discovered his passion for large, deadly guns. His favorite gun was one he named after his sister, Sasha, who died in the camp. He decided to get a job to make some money for his mother and sisters and found out about the battles of Tuefort.
Medic was in prison when he found out about Tuefort. He’d gone to medical school and become a licensed doctor, all to lose it to his own unhealthy, demented, and insatiable hunger to experiment on and see inside the human body. Since the judge hadn’t been able to believe that the cheerful, charismatic, and bookish doctor would remove a man’s skeleton before killing him, Medic’s sentence was much shorter than it probably should have been. As soon as he got out a month later, he called the Administrator, preparing to lie about his backstory and even get a fake medical license, but he was spared the trouble. For a reason he couldn’t guess at the time, the Administrator was actually very interested in his disturbing tendencies and she hired him on the spot.
Sniper had a perfect aim from the time he was a child. His father taught him how to shoot a gun one day, and the next day Sniper had killed their dinner. Since Sniper always felt more comfortable outdoors, he tended to spend a lot of time out there, but it was much more dangerous than inside and he turned to his kukri for defending himself against some of the more feral animals he encountered. He lived with his parents, since he was unable to find a wife or a job and started making guns in his garage, which lead to his SMG’s creation. One day, an aquaintance of Sniper’s approached him about helping him “take care” of another man who’d been bothering him, after he found out how good of a shot Sniper was. Sniper agreed readily, as he was looking for a job. After that, Sniper was approached more and more for “jobs” like these and people started referring to him as an assassin. His parents still didn’t consider this a job, more of a dangerous and worrisome hobby, and so he thought the job at Tuefort would be the perfect way to show them they were wrong.
Spy has the most complicated backstory of all of his teammates, but that would be expected. His mother was a prostitute loving in poverty, and he was the bastard of a rich man who paid for his mothers “services”. His father never met him. As he grew up, he discovered his talent for acting, pickpocketing, and basically being so quiet and still he almost seemed invisible. Around the time he was fourteen or so, there was a woman who became very powerful in Spy’s neck of France, and she abused that power. There was an agency there that needed to find a new Spy to get rid of her. She had a thing for boys a fraction of her age, and so Spy was asked about it, and his mother said yes for him after hearing how much the two of them would be paid. Spy spent the next year of his life pretending to be a “friend” to the woman until he eventually got enough information to end the horrible things she was doing. After that, he began working for the agency full-time, realizing they treated him much better than either of his parents ever had, even though abuse was was common in training. He didn’t actually really want to fight at the battles in Tuefort, but his agency sent him and he had no choice. (Of course, he is happy with that choice now that he’s befriended most of the team members.)
Okay folks, I hope you’ve been enjoying my crackpot TF2 theories because this one is a doozy. (Some of this stuff I’m pointing out might be a little obvious but bear with me, I’ve got a point.)
So Miss Pauling was confused as to how the Administrator obtained all of that Australium without her and the mercenaries’ help. Understandable.
The Administrator never gave her a real answer. Later we found out who is helping her– or at least, one person who is helping her.
Note that the Engineer is wearing BLU, perhaps just as a throwback to Loose Canon and nothing more.
But doesn’t it seem unlikely that two people would be able to gather all the Australium in the world by themselves? After all, that was kind of unreasonable for Miss Pauling to expect of Heavy and Scout. But Heavy thought that perhaps Miss Pauling was more interested in finding out who had taken it– who had helped the Administrator to steal it, actually.
(Remember, the Administrator told Miss Pauling around the time of “Unhappy Returns” that there was one cache of Australium left, which was then revealed to be in New Zealand. I didn’t catch that at first and assumed that the TFC mercs had raided Ayer’s Rock. This is still possible, since the TFC mercs have been hunting down the stuff too, but the Administrator did say that she had gathered ALL of it.)
But who could these people helping the Administrator be? Let’s look back at an easter egg from a certain Pyromania update:
Valve plans things out, guys. Valve hid tidbits about Gray and the MvM update a loooong time in advance, and there’s been hints as to an ulterior motive of the Administrator for a while now too.
Notice that it says eighteen perfect idiots. Not nine. Eighteen.
Maybe Valve is just throwing things together, being ridiculous, and not caring about continuity. It’s TF2, so that could be the case and it’d be just fine.
But I think that Builders League United is helping the Administrator to gather Australium.
Does this raise more questions than it answers? Yes. Does it seem odd that Miss Pauling would have no idea what’s going on with this mysterious other cloned team that sometimes doesn’t seem to exist? Yes.
Does that mean that it cannot be part of TF2 canon? No, you’ve seen the ridiculous stuff that’s happened so far. Spy kept a tiny candlelit dinner in his teeth for crying out loud.
The long-standing question of why Builders League United were attacking Reliable Excavation Demolition when the names imply it would the other way around has finally been answered. After all, you cannot build if the land is already occupied.