build the town

daddykaos563  asked:

Is there a step by step guide to build a village, town or city for a DND game? I have trouble getting my ideas down on paper. I feel a guide may help.

This is how I make mine:

  • Pick if I want it to be coastal, in a forest, desert, etc.
  • Pick a cool name.
  • Decide if this town is mostly for passing through, or if major things are happening here.
  • Decide if they’re cut off from other towns or near others.
  • Decide on population, race majorities and minorities.
  • Pick how the town makes money, what are its imports and exports if any.
  • Who is the leader? How do people like them?
  • What is the towns major problem? Starvation, rats, monsters, etc?
  • How strict are the guards? Do the villagers trust outsiders? Do they hate any race or class?
  • Come up with a bar, inn, weapon, and armor shop name and staff for each. If they’re known for anything, what are they known for?
  • How does this town get along with outsiders/other towns?
  • Any well known locals? What are their names, what are they known for?
  • If your players are good, evil, or neutral how would the townsfolk react? How would your players react here?

A lot of times some of this info is never asked about from my players. I recycle and use that info for other towns if need be. Half the time no one asks about the armor shop, or the potions shop. But its nice info to have on hand.

I also sometimes make mini flash cards detailing the important bits like:

Inn: Sleepy Fellow. Run by Ma. 5 copper a night. Worlds best pillows, they’re always stolen. Ma is sick n tired of it and will gut any thieves.

Here are some little extra tips and tools, too.

  • Plan your city around your landscape. If its a thin and spindly island, you’re not going to have a ton of open space. If the city is in a desert, there are probably very tall walls to keep the sand from blowing in, or the houses might be below ground, etc.
  • Here is a cool map maker to help visualize things.
  • Think about what you’d typically find in a town. Inn, bar, and leather working shops will be basically anywhere. Larger towns will for sure have armor, weapons, potions, etc. Farmer’s markets, hospitals, etc. are also usually present.
  • What kind of town is it? Is it peaceful, do they forage and lack trade routes? Is the town large, have a large guard presence?
  • How does the town make their money? Hunting, gathering, self sustaining, making crafts?
  • I use this sometimes to give me town ideas. I don’t really hit generate tbh, just the options alone help me out a lot.
  • How can your town serve the quest[s] and your players? Is it the main place where quests are given/done? If so, it might need to be more fleshed out. If they’re just passing by you don’t need a lot of detail. Maybe just one quirk or two to make each town unique. e.g. “Every Thursday is bring your pet to work day” for the local guards.
fallout: new vegas, as written by bethesda
  • male characters have flirt options with veronica. female couriers do not.
  • while youre away from vegas, a runner comes up to you with a message. you read it and find out the king was ambushed and has died, oh no! you become the head of the kings
  • vulpes inculta is marked as essential. caesar is marked as essential. easy pete is marked as essential
  • julie farkas is actually evil! she runs inhumane experiments on freesiders! you have to kill her, and then you become the leader of the followers of the apocalypse. also, the followers are badass soldiers for some reason.
  • everyone in vault 3 is always hostile. there is no speech check at the beginning.
  • upon completion of How Little We Know, you become the manager of gomorrah and leader of the omertas, just because
  • if you bring swank three pieces of evidence detailing benny’s actions, swank solemnly says, “now aint that a kick in the head”
  • vipers? jackals? fiends? i think you mean raiders, raiders, and also raiders
  • selling arcade into slavery nets you bad karma but is ultimately considered the “good ending” for arcade
  • you go to the great khans in red rock canyon and they ask you to clear out a camp of three (3) ncr troopers. you become the leader of the great khans.
  • all the white gloves are hostile to you unless you have the cannibal perk, for whatever reason. once you kill them all, you become the owner of the ultra-luxe
  • goodsprings has victor’s shack and easy pete’s bed. you have to build the rest of the town yourself
  • upon completion of the main quest, if you sided with the legion, caesar fears you have surpassed even him, and orders you killed. you kill caesar, and take control of the legion. you own new vegas
  • upon completion of the main quest, if you sided with the ncr, president kimball thinks youre a swell guy and gives you control of the ncr. you own new vegas
  • upon completion of the main quest, if you sided with house, he gives ownership of vegas to you, considering his work complete. you own new vegas.
Really really long night vale theory

God this arc frustrates me to no end because i just CANT figure it out…!

Lets break it down… Theres multiple realities, our canon night vale and the 1983 night vale. Potentially more. We already know about our night vale, but what do we know about the 1983 reality?

  • Cal exists.
  • Following that, episode 33- “Casettes” likely is also part of 1983. The movement Cecil kept noticing in that episode and the one in 106 “filings” are probably one in the same. Kind of.
  • Leonard Burton met a very very grisly fate, but it may be unrelated to the end of the world the tapes warned us about.
  • The end of the world
  • Bethany didn’t.
My proposal: nuclear bomb. Or something.
  • Cal seems to have radiation poisoning, similar to that of the victims who survived Hiroshima.
  • More subtly, look at the way Cecil spoke of the end of the world in “Best Of?”. He spoke with urgency, but as if it were too late. This end of the world was sprung suddenly on night vale, theres enough time for cecil to talk to his listeners one final time but not enough time to get to safety. It couldn’t be a slow apocalyptic situation that takes time to develop, such as zombies, and its not an instantaneous thing. Theres enough time before the end for cecil and the residents of night vale to live their last moments in despair and terror.
  • Bethany didn’t. Didn’t what? Survive? Many people didn’t that year. Meaning that some people DID. People such as Cal who are now terribly irradiated and absolutely dying.
Now for the third and fourth possible realities:

Bowling Alley

  • The miniature city under the desert flower bowling alley and arcade fun complex
  • having the same residents, all apparently unaware that they exist in a smaller version of the town above them, its not infeesable that our night vale is also a miniature unaware of the larger, identical town housing them.
  • a vague yet menacing government agency steals the miniature cities buildings, perhaps a similar thing is happening with the disappearing buildings in night vale, probably not, but its a fun notion to humor.
Normal Night Vale
  • A normal town where everything is normal and nothing weird happens ever.
  • this is mostly inspired by the fact that cecil referred to bethany in present tense, bethany doesnt exist in our night vale and has been dead and gone for who knows how long in 1983. Meaning the memory of her still existing isn’t in canon OR 1983, potentially pointing to another reality where shes still alive and well.
  • the same thing goes for danas father, that reality is good enough for dana to abandon her night vale, meaning its probably not an irradiated wasteland.
Theres likely infinite other timelines, carlos mentioning quantum physics and the multiverse and all. But these four are the notable ones.

Other notable things are the existence of huntokhar, the distant prince, and the woman from Italy all currently existing in or approaching night vale. These three characters are related to eachother somehow, im sure of it. Coincidences dont happen in night vale. But the question is how? And WHY?

Ive written theories about this before but ive always had a sneaking suspicion that night vale isnt real. Even in the podcasts own canon, i dont think it exists on the same plane as everything else. Cecil makes mentions to the rest of america and the government but doesn’t know common states, when night vale sent a distress call for help to the american government after valentines day the government didnt take them seriously. When looking at a map of america cecil said it was wrong, recognizable but wrong, showing that theres a clear disconnect between night vale and the rest of the country, neither quite knowing the other.

Time is strange in night vale. Carlos himself said that time doesnt work there. This is furthered by the professor at the university of what it is when she came in serve for carlos saying that hes been missing for DECADES. By that point carlos had only been in night vale for, what, three years? But nope. Hes been missing for DECADES.

Something, best shown in the book, is that its hard to leave night vale. It was said that it was hard to come and go in the podcast, but the book showed diane crayton trying and failing REPEATEDLY. She always ended up back in night vale even when she logically shouldnt have. What makes it so hard to find and leave?

Also the dog park. The dog park is the only way to easily leave night vale but still makes return very very difficult. Something we often forget is that carlos and dana are the exception, not the rule. Most people in the dog park are still unable to return to night vale.

So i propose that night vale isnt in the same plane of existence as the rest of the world. Not isolated nessecarily, the fictional countries cecil has gone to are on the same plane, but far away and inconvienient. Imagine night vale as an island of abnormality in the sea of our real world. The dog park is the most viable gateway between the reality where night vale exists and where night vale doesnt, the empty desert is where night vale WOULD stand but in this reality (our reality) its just an empty desert where no one decided to build a small town. Since portals between realities are much less common in the real world than in night vale it would make returning EXTREMELY difficult.

I think that maybe, just maybe, the woman from Italy, the distant prince, and huntokhar are trying to merge night vale with reality. That timelines are ripping apart and blending together becaude they NEED to be combined to assimilate into the real world. Night vale might be turning into a normal town, and those who refuse to escape to the new reality being presented to them will have their realities crumble around them. Perhaps THATS what happened to the miniature cities sky.

I am currently very tired so this probably might not even make sense in the morning but… 

I’m imagining a D&D minigame (probably lasts 1-2 hours tops unless you’re having fun with it) meant to break the ice for new groups, in which the DM controls an adventuring party and the players control NPCs as they naturally pop up. Specifically, it could help new players get comfortable with roleplaying without the pressure of sticking to a character they just made. If you do this before the character creation stage, then even better because they may stumble into a character they like acting out.

Rules that I’m just rambling out please forgive me if they are nonsensical: 

  • It’s all improv. Don’t break a scene to look up game mechanics like prices, or which checks to make, or what would give advantage/disadvantage. This is about the acting so if it’ll throw off the groove, make it up on the spot. It’s all about quick thinking.
  • No modifiers. You’re all making things up on the spot so if you have to roll something, don’t waste time justifying who would have what stats. You could even go without dice altogether. The d20 is just an optional element of chance here.
  • Mandatory introductions. I don’t care how goofy it is. state your name, race, class/occupation, a random character trait, and how their day’s been going up until this point. As many as you can off the top of your head. Go nuts because things get silly before they get really creative, in my experience. Note: Character voices are encouraged. For funsies.
  • Everyone participates in a scene. No pressure on how much they interact, but in each new setting, every player has to put one NPC in that tavern, shopping square, riot crowd, etc.
  • Plot not needed. The adventuring party strategically wanders in a way that builds a town/city/etc as the players make it up. The DM isn’t in charge of telling a story here, just keeping the energy of the improv scene going. This includes-
  • Leading Questions. This one’s the challenge for you, DM who likely already has a control complex and likes to plan out every detail of everything in their world because it gives them a sense of security. If anything, you are the one who most needs to be good at rolling with whatever your players hand you. For the sole purposes of making you uncomfortable, the newcomer adventuring party knows absolutely nothing about this town. Thankfully, the citizens know everything about it. Which is good because you need directions to find your way out of your rented hovel room let alone to the temple–oh that’s right. Who’s the patron there? You sure don’t know! Better ask someone! Get that DMs?? YOU KNOW NOTHING. 
    • Important: If the scene starts slowing down, it’s up to you to either encourage and interact with these townsfolk some more, or get moving somewhere else.

Example scene: order of NPC choice is determined by an initiative roll. 

DM: “Alright, so four adventurers walk into the tavern you’re in–”
Player 1: “Oh! I call the bartender.”
Player 3: “Aw… I had a bit I was gonna do.”
Player 1: “Okay, okay fine, I’m the owner of the tavern, Marcus McMuffin the half orc–stop laughing–and uh… I have a tattoo of a dwarf lover that literally no one else knows about? And my day’s been…hm. It’s been awful because I got stood up for a meeting. DM, I basically live in here, so I’d know they’re new, right? I wanna know if these guys look like trouble makers.”
DM: “The Barbarian’s flexing at anyone who looks in his general direction but other than him fancying a typical bar brawl, they seem decent–if lost.”
Player 2: “I’m the elven bard in the corner and I start trying to seduce the Barbarian with my beautiful voice!!”
DM: “Listen… you can’t just use your character from the last game. Cherry the Elven Bard would’ve totally seduced the barbarian but who are you now?… Nah it’s fine, dude. Take your time. We’ll come back to you.”
Player 3: “I’m the crazy old village drunkard who’s a human named Steve–”
Player 1: “I thought you said you wanted the bartender!”
Player 3: “–Who samples a lot of the wares and is thus the village drunkard! I said I was doing a bit, jeez! DM, I start rambling loudly at the strangers about something that sounds like one of those super infuriating sidequests–you know the kind–where you have to go through a lot of bullshit busywork and the longest fetch quest of your life but there’s a promise of GREAT loot at the end so you consider it anyway. You know what I mean? What do I do for that, roll deception? Persuasion?”
DM: “Nope. No rolls. Personally, I am so on board with this but I need you to make this speech right here and I need you to sell it.” 
Player 3: “Oh boy.”

If for some reason you want to try this please give me a rundown of how it went because I feel like it’s the perfect recipe for hilarious trainwrecks that come with all good icebreakers. (I feel like it’d be a fun drinking game somehow? But I don’t play enough to know how to work alcohol in in a reasonable manner. I’ll leave that one up to house rules.)

Taverns & Tanneries, never coming to a game store near you lmao

Edit: I just realized that when the group starts playing a real campaign, you can embarrass them by working their goofily-named NPCs in, keeping an entirely straight face while doing so. Watch as they squirm and laugh-cry over having to discuss the fate of the world with Marcus McMuf’an. If only they’d known. 

If only they’d known what was to become of Marcus McMuffin.


the dark and witchy town of kodama 🌙🔮✨

I followed @mischacrossing let’s play series and watched her build this town and it was so incredibly cool to walk around and experience this charmingly spooky town for myself. it was beautifully mysterious and eerie, I literally felt like I was in a totally different world 🥀

da: 5F00-000F-7BCA

Mayan History (Part 61): The Aftermath

After Mayapan fell in 1441, Yucatán fell apart into warring city-states.  Things were made worse in 1464 when a hurricane devastated the country; and again in 1480 by an epidemic.

In 1511, the first Spaniards arrived on the Yucatán coast.  They set off a smallpox epidemic in 1515-16.  In 1517, 1518, and 1519, exploring expeditions were carried out (the latter by Cortés himself).  But they found little gold on the peninsula, so they left it alone for the time being.

In 1524-25, Cortés led a small army (including Mayan & other native allies) from Tuzantepetl on the Gulf of Mexico, across Tabasco, Yucatán and the Petén, to put down a revolt in Honduras. They travelled across the most desolate parts of Mesoamerica, and it has been suggested that this was deliberate on the part of his native guides.

Francisco de Montejo undertook the first official attempt at conquering Yucatán in 1527-28.  He had with him a force of 380 men and 57 horses.

Montejo had a rather difficult time of it, to say the least.  Each city had to be conquered separately, as there was no central government to negotiate with.  And by this time, the Maya knew of the Spanish and what they’d been doing in Mexico.  They avoided pitched battles, but did excellently with guerrilla warfare.

Montejo’s first base was the port city of Xel Há, and they chased him out of that.  His second base was the Chetumal (on the Belize border, further down the coast), and they did the same.  One of the leaders of the Mayan warriors was a Spanish man called Guerrero.  He was killed at Ulua (northern Honduras) by a chance shot.

After his death, the war continued in much the same way, and by 1535, the Maya were victorious, and the Spanish had been thrown out of Yucatán.  Montejo retired, leaving the job to his son, Francisco de Montejo “el Mozo”.

Montejo Jr. resumed the assault in 1542.  They succeeded enough to be able to build the town of Mérida, on top of the old Mayan town of Tiho.  This town is still there today, and the house which Montejo Jr. built in 1549 is beside the central plaza.

The Maya were struggling, now.  There were two reasons for this.  1) Like in Mexico, some tribes allied with the Spanish to settle old scores (they later realized their mistake).  2) The Maya were used to warfare in limited doses: after a campaign, they’d go back to regular life.  The Spanish did not fight like this.  They were fighting a war of subjugation & enslavement.

Montejo had pawned his wife’s jewels and given a large sum of money to the Spanish king.  In return, the king “granted” him a vast territory of 1,000 square miles – 2590 square km – of land he did not own to give.  And worse still, the Spanish invaders divided it up among themselves in their usual way, including a grant of serfs for each landowner.  In their minds, the Maya were already enslaved, before they war had even finished.

The Catholic Church came along with the invaders.  Bishop de Landa was one of the earliest missionaries.  He learned some of the Mayan language, and then took a journey on foot through his diocese to evangelize.  He mostly failed, so he turned to violent methods, destroying idols, shrines and literature.  Only three Mayan books survived.

De Landa was harsh on the Spanish, too.  Those who missed Mass were flogged.  He was brought back to Spain because of his excessive methods, and he’s actually one of the main sources of information on the Maya of that time.  While awaiting examination, he wrote a book on Yucatán’s history.  He also made a key for the partial decipherment of the glyphs.

The Maya rose up in revolt against the Spanish in 1847, 1860, and 1910.  They adopted the Catholic faith, but kept their own religion as well, and the two religions became merged together.

In the highlands, events were similar.  The Guatemalan Maya were left alone until Mexico had been conquered.  In 1523 (the year before Cortés’ march to Honduras), Pedro de Alvarado was sent southwards to subdue the mountain tribes, the main one being Quiche.

And again, the Maya were divided, and some made common cause with the Spanish.  The Cakchiquel in particular wanted to get their own back on the Quiche, who had been their enemy for a long time.

Utatlan and Iximche fell in 1524; Zaculeu and Mixco Viejo in 1525. The Spanish built Santiago de los Caballeros as their capital city, but it was destroyed in 1541 by earthquake, flood and mud.  They built another Santiago (now known as Antigua), which was also destroyed by earthquake, in 1717 and 1773.  However, it is now flourishing again.

              “history of the entire world, i guess” Starters

this is based on this video, i’m sure this might have been done but i wanted to jump on it to be honest! 

  • “hi, you’re on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh?”
  • “i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat.”
  • “it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you.”
  • “nothing is nowhere. when? never.”
  • “like i said, it didn’t happen.”
  • “nothing was ever anywhere, that’s why it’s been everywhere.”
  • “forget this, i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something.”
  • “i want to invent time and space.”
  • “i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of?”
  • “ah that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place.”
  • “try to stick together, because the world’s going to get bigger. and emptier.”
  • “congratulations! the world is now a bunch of gas in space.”
  • “holy shit we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks.”
  • “weather update. it’s raining.”
  • “something’s alive in the ocean.”
  • “now you can eat sunlight!”
  • “taste the sun!!”
  • “hey can we go on land?”
  • “the sun is a deadly laser”
  • “and there’s no food yet so i don’t care”
  • “learn to use an egg.”
  • “works for me”
  • “aaaaand now everything’s huge”
  • “wanna see a map of the land.”
  • “aw, fuck, now everything’s dead.”
  • “it’s mammal time.”
  • “look at those breasts.”
  • “what? you can walk over here? cool.”
  • “well i guess we’re stuck here now.”
  • “look at this, i control the food now!”
  • “coming soon to a dank river valley near you.”
  • “why is all my metal so sad and lumpy?”
  • “you could make a religion out of this.”
  • “it’s a great idea, he was great. and now he’s dead.”
  • “hell yeah! now we got business!”
  • “oh and here’s a huge city. population, everyone.”
  • “but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.”
  • “i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.”
  • “wow, that guy’s rich.”
  • “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church.”
  • “here’s 95 reasons why.”
  • “you could make a reli- no don’t”
  • “well blame something on them and go to war.”
  • “now we’re in business.”
  • “look at those guns.”
  • “it’s gonna be a great war. so great we won’t need a second one.”
  • “hello? yes, it’s the 1920′s calling.”
  • “wow that worked?”
  • “fight! wait no that would be the end of the world.”
  • “suprise! flying robots, with bombs.”
  • “wanna print a brain?”
  • “by the way, where the hell are we?”

The series finale of Let’s Play ACNL. I’m sad to end this series but excited for what’s ahead! I’ll still be doing dream town tours every week and occasional streams and event videos of ACNL!!! (●´ω`●)

Drive through the South and Midwest long enough, and you’ll start to see signs like:

BONERTOPOLIS: Population 872 – 1996 Girls’ Jr. High Volleyball Regional Champions

The town’s name is obviously made up (though when I finally build my own town, that’s what I’m calling it), but the rest of that information is not. If your local sports teams – and by that, I mean junior high and high school – wins any sort of championship, your town will honor you by putting that information on the road sign. And that shit stays there forever.

Your town becomes known for that, even if the championship was 30 years ago. My original hometown had won four state championships: two in the 1970s and two more in the 1980s. For each year, a picture of the team was blown up to 10 feet wide and hung side by side on the gymnasium’s wall. Those four, massive, black-and-white photos loomed over everyone while we played dodge ball in PE. Judging us. Condemning us.

5 Parts Of Small Town Life That We Swear To God Are Real

demonicmiracles  asked:

How do you create layouts for towns/villages without it being the typical rectangle shape?

Think about how the town came about. Think about how most towns come about. They don’t start as a metropolis. They typically grow along one or two main roads, or perhaps between a road and a water source. They can be shaped by rivers or cliff-sides, plateaus, or other land forms.

(My drawing tablet is on the other end of the house so excuse my laziness for not getting up to go get it and, thus, the crudeness of the following illustrations.)

If you’ve ever driven through a tiny little town that’s nestled on a highway, then you’ll notice that it sort of dwindles in and out on either side. A town starts out because the local people need a post office, groceries, a church, etc. Sometimes that’s all they ever need. Sometimes, people start moving in and from there, the town will grow.

Now, with a larger, expanding town, you’ll find yourself needing a power plant (that and other such industrial plants will be outside of town, most of the time), a hospital, schools, lots of houses. While developments will sometimes happen in rectangles, they don’t have to. And when you stick a bunch of rectangles together, the final product will often look nothing like a rectangle.

The growth will happen in waves, so development won’t always be one road at a time, they’ll add big parts in sections. But there will always be the edges of town that kind of fade away, whether because of shrinking or growing. 

(Sometimes, that old part that was the original town will remain untouched or will be preserved so that it’s always got that history thing.)

You can also google search “aerial views of small towns” and get an idea of how real-life towns are shaped. 

Also, and this might be a silly suggestion, but play SimCity. See what happens when you have to build a functioning town. It’ll help you brainstorm, at the very least!

Happy writing!


okay so since im ridiculous i decide that it would be important for me to see how much money the onceler actually made off of thneeds. For a split second while the onceler is walking down his long ass hall way you can see a sign that tells us how many thneeds he sold. the last amount it lists is exactly

5,268,914 so i went ahead and multiplied that by how much a thneed costs (3.98) and got about 20,970,277.72 which if you think about it isn’t THAT much money, or at least not as much as the movie makes it seem like he has.

 He would definitely not be able to build a FUCKING town with only this much money. BUT GUESS WHAT IM NOT DONE. assume the onceler sold 5 thneeds per second. between the time we see the sign with the amount of thneeds sold and the last tree falling is around 75 seconds meaning that only about 375 additional thneeds were sold equaling about 1492.50$ then we add the last thneed from the last tree making the total amont the onceler made to be exactly 20,971,774.2 



Affair (PT. 3)

Summary: Your best friend Chris Evans is set to be married to his long-time girlfriend. You would be over the top thrilled if you hadn’t slept together in a night of passion. What will happen to your friendship?

Author: Ash

A/N: Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I have been crazy busy with work, family and trying to build connections in my new town! Also trying to build my portfolio is hard work! Also look for more coming soon! <3

P.S : I hate myself for where this fic is headed.

Master List

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Originally posted by aestheticimagines

You weren’t exactly sure why Chris picked this pizza spot out of all the other joints in the city, and you would be lying if you said you were happy to see him. You wanted to mentally facepalm yourself when you heard the following sentence spill out of Sebastian’s mouth.

“Chris, man I’m so glad you could make it! I was worried you wouldn’t get my voicemail in time.” Sebastian said cheerfully as he gave Chris a bro-hug.

“Sorry about that I got caught up in all the wedding planning meetings, but how could I miss out on lunch with two of my favorite people?” Chris said so nonchalantly it was almost scary.

Keep reading

history of the world, i guess

     A list of slightly modified quotes I think could be used in some way.
     Full transcript I did for your enjoyment.

  • some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water.
  • it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you.
  • how did this happen?
  • makes sense, right?
  • like i said, it didn’t happen.
  • (pause). forget this.
  • i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something.
  • i want things to change.
  • i just don’t know when to start.
  • and that’s exactly where it started.
  • try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier.
  • but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full
  • it’s about a kjghpillion degrees!
  • great news! ___ and ___ are now happily married to each other
  • congratulations, the world is now ___
  • new shit just got made.
  • some stars burn out and die.
  • bigger stars burn out and die with   p a s s i o n!
  • that makes some brand new way crazier shit.
  • holy shit, we just got hit
  • weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.
  • weather update: its raining.
  • oh cool, like a plant or an animal?
  • oh yeah, and it can do that.
  • so that’s pretty nifty, i would say.
  • now you can eat sunlight. taste the sun.
  • maybe even a coupla times.
  • wow, that’s animals and stuff.
  • the sun is a deadly lazer.
  • not anymore, there’s a blanket.
  • there’s no food yet so i don’t care.
  • i was already doing that.
  • works for me.
  • ah fuck, now everything’s dead.
  • here are the survivors.
  • keep your eye on this one because its about to ___
  • here’s another map of the land.
  • don’t worry about it, it does that all the time.
  • its ___ time! here come the ___.
  • look at those breasts.
  • now they’re gonna dominate the world
  • ouch.   yeouch.
  • gneurshk.
  • that’s a human person.
  • and now they’re everywhere, almost.
  • i guess we’re stuck here now.
  • let’s review.
  • fuck it, time to plant some grass.
  • look at this,
  • i control the food now.
  • now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.
  • mine is bigger because i own the food.
  • this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. 
  • guess what happens next.
  • coming soon to a dank river valley near you.
  • meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere,
  • i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it.
  • now we’re getting somewhere.
  • they’re gone. guess who’s not gone?
  • wow, that’s big.
  • he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying.
  • ____ was figuring out how to have good morals.
  • ah, ___ just had the idea of thinking about stuff.
  • it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead.
  • hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the ___ evenly between them.
  • get the hell out of here
  • will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye
  • but what about this part?
  • that’s the ___, no one conquers the ___
  • merchants, probably.
  • they would like to ransack your city. 
  • “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy
  • they just made a brand new road to the world.
  • sick, new trade routes!
  • hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
  • hi i live in ___ and i was wondering, is loving ___ legal yet?
  • don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall.
  • what’s a barbarian? 
  • their gods are all fake.
  • everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.
  • you could make a religion out of this.
  • and maybe conquer the world as well.
  • the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope.
  • here’s all the wisdom, in a house.
  • someone owns that now.
  • wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
  • ok, fair enough. 
  • come on, i know you wanna ___.
  • yes, i do actually want to do that.
  • let’s do a crusade.
  • they did many ___, some of which almost didn’t fail,
  • look at those mounds.
  • i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.
  • i bet that will last a long time!
  • is it ___ time? i think it’s ___ time.
  • ___ is so ___ he’s going on tour to let everyone know.
  • “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said.
  • please remain __. we will check in later to see if you are still __ when you least expect.
  • oh, ___’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art.
  • it’s kinda like a rebirth.
  • nice job, ___. whoops, you missed a spot;
  • “what? that’s bullshit,” said ___, spiceless.
  • “wait,” said ___, probably smoking crack,
  • nah, don’t worry we already got this
  • “hey wanna hire me to do something crazy af?”
  • “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.”
  • move over ___, here comes ___.
  • do you sin? 
  • that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck ___, here’s 95 reasons why,
  • you know what would be magnificent?
  • all the hipsters move to amsterdam.
  • damn, we gotta start pillaging some stuff.
  • question two: steal the ___. that’s not a question but ___ did it anyway.
  • they are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.
  • did they figure out who’s boss?
  • “fuck you,” says ___, declaring their independence, and fighting for it.
  • let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!
  • someone eventually got mad & cut his head off.
  • you could make a reli- no don’t.
  • why didn’t we think of this before?
  • luckily, they banished him to an island.
  • but he came back.
  • luckily, they banished him to another island.
  • nah, dude we already got everything
  • so ___ threw a hissy-fit and made them ___ and give them ___.
  • that’s just where he lives.
  • well, blame something on them and go to war!
  • we haven’t had a ___ since the last ___.
  • look at those guns.
  • it’s gonna be a great war(/___), so great we won’t need a second one.
  • it just seemed like the right thing to do. 
  • they should probably just deny it.
  • hi i’m ___ and if ___ doesn’t ___ i’m going to starve myself in public.
  • wow, that worked?
  • “me”, they both said at the same time.
  • what’s on the menu? ___!
  • nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever.
  • let’s meet the sponsors.
  • they’re having a friendly debate over which is good and which is an evil virus of satan.
  • let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.
  • the world agrees.
  • ____ might need another minute to think about it.
  • woah. okay.
  • that might keep happening.
  • ___ decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart.
  • don’t worry, ___ won’t fail, because ___ aren’t supposed to.
  • some people have no friends. some people have no food.
  • that’s pretty cool.
  • by the way, where the hell are we?
Breath of the Wild - Tips and Odd balls.

- In the Hebra region, Icy Lizstalfos can’t run into a hot spring, and if the fall into one they go poof and gone.

- Moblins throwing bokoblins. Be aware

- The lizstalfos will lick you if you wear the mask to see if your legit

- Avoid sleeping in conquered enemy camps.  If the blood moon comes along you’re surrounded.

- Best places to shield surf are in Hebra and The Gerudo Desert

- Get Robbie’s quests done before you go too far into Central Hyrule. You’ll want to pack a few ancient arrows and weapons to take on a walking Guardian.

- Don’t waste ancient arrows on the decayed guardians, parry the lasers. One and done

-Speaking of parrying, sharpen your skills and it will definitely help against Lynels (just make sure to fully stock your weapons)

-Even if you run out of stamina and drown in a hot spring, you just recover the lost heart anyway.

- I recommend going to the Rito dungeon. Revali’s Gale helps to get along

- Partially start the gerudo quest and don’t infiltrate the Yiga clan if you don’t enjoy the minions coming out of nowhere while on foot.

- You need to get 9 more hearts coming off the plateau to even safely pull the master sword out.

- The master sword doubles its power in the Divine Beasts as well as Hyrule Castle, and helps take down the blights and Ganon.

- Wait to get the Giant Horse till you get 2 full stamina wheels, or get a lot of energizing dishes and elixers, its got maxed strength, but it can’t gallop.

- Climb the bigger trees for eggs, nuts or the occasional Korok

- Using octorok balloons you can make your raft fly, or tie it too some tnt barrels or even bombs.

- Cucco revenge squad can nail you inside a building.

- Cut grass for bugs, rice, wheat, lizards, and the rare fairy

- You can only hold 7 fairies, and having them help with cooking can produce good tonics, but you can’t sell them for a lot of rupees.

- Save the gourmet meat for one of the guys at one of the stables. He pays 100 rupees per chunk up to 3 per day.

-Cook prime meat into skewers to sell for about 200 rupees a piece.

- Beetles can be traded into Beedle for a random elixir, or make you’re own and sell for more.

- Collect wood whenever you can. You’re going to need it when you want to start the quest for your house and also for when you help Hudson build Tarry Town.

- Fang and Bone is useful. Buy all the masks and the Dark Link outfit from him, and occasionally take his stock of monster extracts from him.

- If used correctly, monster extract can give you a low level buff for approx. 30 mins. If you goof up you’ll get the usual food, but it only heals half a heart

- Read people’s journals/ diaries. Lots of gossip and backstory on some NPCs and Zelda too *hint, hint* Also check back to see if they updated it.

- Sparrows give nuts, squirrels drop acorns

- Finding the climbing gear in the shrines will save your insanity while climbing tall, steep cliffs

- Ancient arrows are more expensive than even bomb arrows 

- Some of the Zora guards will kick you if you swing your weapon near them.

- Most gorons are shocked when you break a vase in front of them, The shopkeeper isn’t one of them.

- Save your flint. There is a few quests givers that want flint and will pay you well for it.

-Don’t sell your guardian scraps. You’ll want to have them when you get around to upgrading the runes, and for the ancient oven.

- Link giggles when he jumps on the water bed. 

- The Rito down bed you hear a puff and he sighs then drifts off in seconds. That… takes skill.

- No matter where you are, after about midnight or so, Link will do the bob and weave cause its late.

- Best fauna to farm for prime meat is the wolves, rinos and moose up in the Hebra region, git good with the head shots and run for it before it freezes.

- Wood farming is the best at the Rito stable. Lots of fallen logs, and a entire pine forest for you to chop down.

- Wood and rocks will get you rock hard food, Veggies and monster parts will get you dubious food.

- Purifying Naydra? Pack tons of arrows. You’re gonna need them.

- If you have apples and carrots with other veggies, your horse is able to pick them out from the others.

- Wait to cook your hearty dishes till the night of the blood moon. You get more temporary hearts. 

anonymous asked:

Hey quick question. So I've been going through your blog and you had a master post with some links to websites to help design worlds and dungeons. Any advice or links to websites that help build towns or how to create a town that is aesthetically pleasing? Thanks.

I highly recommend Donjon, a wonderful RPG tool website. It has several generators that allow the creation of kingdoms, maps, cities, and even the profession spread of the city’s inhabitants, which I find to be extremely helpful.

history of the entire world, I guess starters (pt 2)
  • ❛  Wanna get enlightened in the middle of no where ?  ❜
  • ❛  Surprise ! You’re the new Roman Emperor.  ❜
  • ❛  They go north, from the north to the northern north.  ❜
  • ❛  They also invade some other places and get called many names.  ❜
  • ❛  Ok, fair enough.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s actually Germany, but don’t worry about it.  ❜
  • ❛  Christianize all the kingdoms !  ❜
  • ❛  Which brand would you like ?  ❜
  • ❛  Mine’s better.  ❜
  • ❛  Time to conquer England.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s a bird ! It’s a plane ! It’s the Seljuk Turks !  ❜
  • ❛  Yes, I do actually want to do that.  ❜
  • ❛  They did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail.  ❜
  • ❛  Look at those mounds.  ❜
  • ❛  I always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.  ❜
  • ❛  I bet that will last a long time.  ❜
  • ❛  Is it Tonga Time ? I think it’s Tonga Time.  ❜
  • ❛  He’s so rich, he’s going on tour to let everyone know.  ❜
  • ❛  Wow, that guy’s rich.  ❜
  • ❛  Please remain Christian, we will check in later to see if you’re still Christian when you least expect.  ❜
  • ❛  Whoops, half of Europe just died.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s kinda like a rebirth.  ❜
  • ❛  So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire ?  ❜
  • ❛  Oops, you missed a spot.  ❜
  • ❛  What ? That’s bullshit !  ❜
  • ❛  Well I guess we’ll have to find another way to India.  ❜
  • ❛  said Christopher Columbus, probably smoking crack.  ❜
  • ❛  Nah, don’t worry we already got this.  ❜
  • ❛  So he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean.  ❜
  • ❛  (name) wants to make Russia great again.  ❜
  • ❛  Do you sin ?  ❜
  • ❛  Now you can buy your way out of Hell.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s bullshit. This whole thing is bullshit. That’s a scam.   ❜
  • ❛  Here’s 95 reasons why.  ❜
  • ❛  But they pillaged it anyway.  ❜
  • ❛  We gotta start pillaging some stuff.  ❜
  • ❛  Question one: can you get to India through North America ?  ❜
  • ❛  No, but at least there’s beaver.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s not a question.  ❜
  • ❛  (name) and (name) are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.  ❜
  • ❛  More specifically: Ohio.  ❜
  • ❛  ‘Fuck you !’ says America.  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off !  ❜
  • ❛  No, don’t.  ❜
  • ❛  Why didn’t we think of this before ?  ❜
  • ❛  Luckily they banished him to an island, but he came back.  ❜
  • ❛  So (name) tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s just where he lives.  ❜
  • ❛  Technology is about to go crazy !  ❜
  • ❛  It’s bad, they decided.  ❜
  • ❛  Well blame something on them and go to war !  ❜
  • ❛  Now we’re in business.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one.  ❜
  • ❛  It just seemed like the right thing to do.  ❜
  • ❛  The economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever !  ❜
  • ❛  They should probably just deny it.  ❜
  • ❛  Finish him !  ❜
  • ❛  Seems legit.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m going to starve myself in public.  ❜
  • ❛  Wow, that worked ?  ❜
  • ❛  What’s on the menu ?  ❜
  • ❛  They’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of satan.  ❜
  • ❛  They both have atom bombs.  ❜
  • ❛  Fight ! wait, no that would be the end of the world.  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.  ❜
  • ❛  I’ll race you to space !  ❜
  • ❛  That might keep happening.  ❜
  • ❛  I bet they’ll remember that.  ❜
  • ❛  Wanna learn everything ?  ❜
  • ❛  Whoops, the economy just crashed.  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t worry the big banks won’t fail because they’re not supposed to.  ❜
  • ❛  Surprise ! Flying robots ! With bombs !  ❜
  • ❛  Wanna print a brain ?  ❜
  • ❛  Some people have no friends.  ❜
  • ❛  Some people have no food.  ❜
  • ❛  The globe is warming and the ocean is full of plastic.  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s save the planet !  ❜
  • ❛  By the way, where the hell are we ?  ❜

anonymous asked:

dude can you write more about night in the woods & your interpretation of it bc i feel like you'd have some gr8 things to say

I dunno, man.  One of the key things about Night in the Woods is that it leaves it all on the field, thematically speaking.  If it has a point to make it makes sure you notice, which means that there’s only so much unpacking to be done after the characters are finished explaining their personal metaphors to each other.

What analysis I have seen on the ol Lore Internet tends to be focused on what are to me the least interesting aspects of the story - the ol’ janitor is the forest god, the thing in the mine is Baphomet whose hooves tore a hole in the sky as it escaped the dreaming place, etc.  Which is like - OK, sure, I understand the impulse.  Mae sees something which is real but which nobody else is willing to talk about, and the fact that her friends will go with her to find it is proof (should Gregg require it) that they are brave and decent people.  But definitively answering “what is the monster in the mine” with “the devil” isn’t going along with May so much as it is enabling her.   Fails the good people check, and is also dumb.  There’s no such thing as ghosts.

Every horrible thing that has happened in Possum Springs from strikebreaking massacres to cave-ins to sinkholes is connected to the old mine, yes.  But it isn’t because there was a demon down there - it’s because there was coal in it.  The reason the town keeps flooding is a) it was built somewhere you shouldn’t build a town in the first place on account of there was coal nearby b) because of what happens to trees and topsoil when you do open pit c) because we have all burned too much coal and the weather’s going nuts.  Everyone’s moms and dads and brothers are dead because mine runoff is full of poison and it’s bad for babies, and the poisoned people keep voting against healthcare because the people who are anti-healthcare are Pro-Coal and will protect the Coal Way of Life from the fuckers who think we should just bung a bunch of solar panels in the mojave instead.   The Hole at the Center of Everything is a literal sinkhole.  The fires of hell are the fires of Centralia.   The trucks that ran Gregg’s sheep over were probably coal haulers!  Mae’s terrible ex-boyfriend is literally named Cole!  

Yeah so the game is mostly about fossil fuels and I think that’s underreported