buffy-season-7

I WANT TO WRITE A DAMN S7 SPUFFY POST

HOLD ON TIGHT, BITCHES, BECAUSE WE GON’ TALK ABOUT SPUFFY IN S7 AND ALSO SOULFUL SPIKE AND ALSO BUFFY. WHY? BECAUSE I MOTHER FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT. IT’S GON’ BE LONG AS SHIT. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA MOTHER FUCKER. LITERALLY, THIS WILL TAKE YOU AT LEAST AN HOUR TO READ. STRAP IN, WHORES.

I’m gonna calm down now.

So, Spike is back in Sunnydale. He’s the First’s bitch, but we don’t know that yet. I dunno why it is exactly that Buffy was so surprised to see him in the basement (other than he looked weird and hadn’t been around recently), but to me it looked like she wasn’t scared of him? You know, like she should be after he tried to rape her? Is that because she knew he felt horribly about what he did or because she could tell something was different about him (the crazy, I mean)? And also, we know now that Spike was out of his mind, seeing things because of the First. But watching it back, you can see the exact moment he realizes that the girl in front of him was really Buffy. The little “Buffy, duck” thing was, well, adorable. 

Okay, so I believe that everything Spike said when he was “crazy” had a meaning to it. You just gotta look deep enough. So, when he says “Don’t you think I’m trying! I’m not fast. I’m not a quick study. I dropped my board in the water and the chalk all ran. Sure to be caned. Should’ve seen that comin’,” I think he’s trying to tell Buffy (and probably the First) that he’s trying to atone for what he did, but he’s not succeeding because he hasn’t had his soul in a long while. The progress he made before the soul was washed away as soon as he tried to rape Buffy. And he suspects that he’s being punished for it now. Spike dialogue in the first episodes of S7 are so profound. You don’t realize it on the first run through, but if you go back and really listen, it’s astounding. 

Buffy obviously isn’t too untrustworthy of Spike in this scene. I don’t know if, like I said before, it’s because of the crazy or because she knows she can handle herself or what it is, but she seemed to be ready to fight the ghost-like things with Spike by her side. The tender moment where Buffy asks Spike what he did to himself, with him answering “I tried to cut it out,” is one of my favorite moments of the season. It’s a very nice moment between the two of them where you can almost see Buffy feel sorry for Spike, even before she knows what he went through. 

This end sequence with the various “baddies” talking to Spike is pretty significant, to say the least. Of course, it gives us insight into the thing that’s going to be the final boss for the season, but it also shows us Spike in a way we’ve never seen him before. For someone who loves Spike more than anything, this is a big deal to me. He’s busted up and broken down, so somber that he didn’t get to give Buffy his “I have a soul” speech. It’s a very powerful scene, to me. 

Aye, Spike is back in black. So to speak, I mean, he’s wearing blue. Which is out of character for him. So, maybe he’s not back in black exactly. Whatever. 

I really love the backseat attitude he takes with Buffy in this scene. I’ve said that in a post before, but it’s such a running theme with him throughout the season that it’s important to note. First of all, he genuinely is there just to help out. No ulterior motives. That’s already a totally new Spike. Second, he knows that saying sorry won’t do jack shit. He knows that and he tells her that. He also tells her that if she wants him out, he’ll go and stay gone. That. Is. A. Huge. Deal. Spike is letting Buffy drive this situation all the way. And, again, he’s not doing it so she’ll come back to him, he’s doing it because he’s a good man. He maybe shouldn’t of called her wariness of him being “skittish,” but nonetheless.

I really love that Anya was the one to realize he had his soul back. I also really love that Spike doesn’t want Buffy to know. He sort of implied that in the scene prior, too, when they were checking out the hole in the ground. He knows that he probably won’t get her back, but he doesn’t want to influence her in any way by telling her he has his soul back. He doesn’t want that to be an excuse, he just wants Buffy to realize that he’s changed somehow. 

The part before the church, where Spike accidentally stabs that guy, is a very interesting way to deliver, basically, the plot for S7. First, Spike says, again, how painful it is to have the soul inside of him (because he’s unaware that it’s First messing with him at this point). Then he says something that has sort of a double meaning for both the First and for him. The “call it quits, now there’s an option. If only it were that easy” bit. For Spike, it means that he feels like he’d be much better off if he could get rid of the soul, but he doesn’t see that as an option because he doesn’t really want to get rid of it. For the First, it means that Buffy can’t quit. She’s revving up for the fight of her life, and there’s no going or coming back from it. 

After Spike yells at the First, I really love how Sarah gives Buffy the expression of, almost, pity for Spike. It’s a nice way to show that she knows this Spike is different from the one she knew in S6. She just doesn’t know how, yet. 

Sidebar: I’m gonna brag on James’s acting with basically every scene I talk about, so get ready.

The little speech before the “from beneath you, it devours” line is so well done. James knocked it out of the park. It’s the right amount of creepy and ominous. And James also makes it very clear that Spike has been snapped into a sort of trance that makes him say the things he said. I’m not done braggin’ on James in this episode. Hold up. We gon’ do the church scene. Which is, besides the lovey dovey stuff at the end of the season, my favorite scene in the whole show.

I told y’all the blue shirt was weird! A “costume” he says. Whoa, that’s sad as hell. Buffy with the touching of the wounds again. C’mon, Buff. Don’t you know he’s sensitive? No, but really, Spike asking her if he was “flesh” to her is so profound. Spike begins by asking if Buffy even thinks of him as a person at all, then if he was ever anything other than a “sex toy” to her, then he sort of resigns and “accepts” that that’s all he’ll ever be to her. “Service the girl.” One line I want to dwell on here is “Feed on flesh. My flesh. Nothing else. Not a spark.” To me, this is Spike telling her that he doesn’t blame her for not loving him. Because there wasn’t a “spark” (soul) to love. There was only flesh, ergo, only sex. It’s very, very sad to me.

“The girl doesn’t want to be serviced. Because there’s no spark.” I mean, it’s pretty obvious what Spike means here, but God isn’t is heartbreaking? Knowing that when he says “spark,” he means “soul” makes this scene so much richer. Hearing him say he tried to find his soul because she didn’t want him just hurts. And he feels ashamed of it, of everything. He can’t even talk about it unless he’s in the shadows. Spike dreaming about killing Buffy… here’s the thing: I feel like he dreamed of that because of, what he said, her making him “weak.” He wanted her to not be there so he wouldn’t have to love her and let that love make him better because being better is too painful. But I also think he dreamed of killing her because, to him, that would’ve been better than what he did do (attempted rape). I don’t know. Either way, it’s a hell of a bit.

“Angel, he should’ve warned me.” Click. Buffy sees. She understands. She knows why he’s so different now. You can see her trying to work it out, even rationalize it away. No, he wouldn’t’ve gotten his soul back just to be with me, would he? “Bit worse for lack of use.” Initially, before we know about the First, that’s really fucking sad.

So, when Spike says “It’s what you wanted, right? It’s what you wanted, right?” I assumed he was talking to the First the second time around. But I think, now, that he was talking to God. Saying to him you wanted me to have my soul back, right, so you could punish me for everything I’ve done? That ends up tying in with what he says about everyone he ever hurt screaming in his head at him to go to Hell. And I think Buffy gets that, too. I think she feels sorrow (?) for Spike because she realizes that’s a hell of a lot to feel guilty about.

Spike’s confession, or rather, literally everything he says from here on in, is one of the most heartbreaking, sorrowful things I’ve ever seen on television. Buffy asks him “Why?” Spike tells her. He says “Why does a man do what he mustn’t? For her. To be hers. To be a kind of man who would nev– To be a kind of man.” Let’s talk about that for a moment. The break in his voice at the end of that sentence, fucking ow. This is the first time we get a verbal confirmation of Spike’s regret about the attempted rape. Not only did he get his soul back for Buffy, he got it back for him. He didn’t want to be the kind of man that would do that to someone, let alone someone he loved. In fact, he says instead that he wasn’t even a man before. He didn’t deserve to be called a man, so he got his soul back so he could be one, any kind at all just so long as he wasn’t the void of a man he thought himself to be before. I keep saying it, but holy shit is that sad and profound. 

Okay, I know this bit by heart, ready? “And she shall look on him with forgiveness. And everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything’s okay, right? Can we rest now? Buffy, can we rest?” This is what he was hoping would happen. Not what he thought would happen, but what he hoped for. Spike wanted to come back to her and be forgiven and loved. Which, of course, that happened, but Spike is too fucked to realize that that’s a possibility right now. He then says, kind of sarcastically, “So everything’s okay, right?” It’s not really meant to be sarcastic, I know, but the way it’s put into the scene it’s almost like Spike is saying it should be better now. Why isn’t it better? That’s why he says “Can we rest now?” He just wants it to be done. He just wants Buffy to love him. But at the same time he thinks he doesn’t deserve it and thinks he’ll never get it. So, he’s numbed himself to the idea that the pain will never stop. He’ll forever be in a state of regret and grief and aching pain. I think that’s why he rests on the cross, because nothing could hurt more than what he was already feeling. It may also be a metaphor for Spike still feeling like he’s a monster that doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Because, cross’s burn vampires, right? So, of course, Spike is still a vampire. Spike burning himself on the cross could be a way of reminding himself that no, of course she can’t love you. You’re still a monster. 

James killed this scene. The acting quality here, for the both of them, is just amazing. It gets me every time, I get pulled into the world and all I can see/feel is Spike’s torment. Lovely, yet haunting. 

Speaking of James killing scenes. So, this episode isn’t Spike-centric like the previous episode was, but this scene doesn’t disappoint. 

So, of course, in this scene (which had to of taken extreme discipline and talent to film) Spike is talking to Willow and Xander and Buffy. It’s interesting to me that Spike can see Willow when no one else can, same with Anya. I suppose the thing that made Willow invisible doesn’t apply to demons? Anyway.

Okay, so the thing he says about the permission slip? I’ve got no idea what the hell he’s talking about. I did say earlier that a crazed Spike’s ramblings meant something if you listened hard enough, but I think that’s an outlier that doesn’t mean much other than confirming that the Hellmouth is drawing darkness to it. I think from then on in this scene, it’s pretty obvious what Spike is talking about in regards to himself or to Willow and the body, so I won’t explain, just talk about it.

Bragging on James again, the moment when Willow says she can’t find anyone, Spike gets this look on his face like that’s strange because I’m looking at them right now. 

Couple questions: How did Spike hear about Willow skinning Warren? And also, why is Willow not more concerned that Spike is literally out of his fucking mind?

I love the little nod to “Fool for Love” in this scene when Spike asks for a word that means “glowing.” I also really love that Spike doesn’t chalk up this scenario as him being crazy, he knows that Willow isn’t there exactly. I’m telling you man, Spike is right a majority of the time. Even when he’s crazy, apparently.

Holy shit, this scene is so sad. 

I mean, obviously, right? I think Buffy was already feeling pain for Spike. Not feeling sorry for him, but understanding and knowing that the pain he’s feeling is real and that he really does feel badly about the things he’d done in the past. You can tell that, too, because she’s appealing to his “hero” side to try and get him to be lucid so he can help. She tells him that Cassie needs his help, hoping that’ll get through to him. And Spike trying to “stay quiet” is so sad.  

When Spike pegs himself as the evil in the basement, you can see Buffy feeling that pain I talked about earlier. And when she explains that it isn’t her that is going to be hurt, that’s when I took the screen cap above. That face breaks my heart. He’s so confused and lost and pained. Like he knows exactly where he is but doesn’t at the same time, and he can’t figure out why. He’s using Buffy–looking at Buffy, into her eyes–to keep him grounded.

“Don’t-don’t leave me. Stay here and help me be quiet.” This is another one of those moments. You know, the sad ones. 

Okay, really quick here. Spike’s using this moment to make up for what he did to Buffy (for himself, not for Buffy), at least a small bit. He tells one of the dudes trying to kill her that he’s a bad man. I don’t think this is a totally straight forward line, as I thought it was before. I think Spike said it to mean I’m a bad man, but I’ll be bad for the right reasons. Him whimpering as he hit that guy is sort of hard for me to watch just because it isn’t the roaring, Jesus Christ that hurt, scream that usually comes out of him when he hurts someone; it was small and weak, and that’s not the way we’re used to seeing Spike.

Right, so the “someday she’ll tell you” bit. We know how that ends up now (extremely sad), but at the time we’re just as confused as ol’ Spike. I wonder, when Buffy did tell him, if he remembered that moment. 

Jesus, I didn’t realize how long crazy Spike lasted. You have no idea how many I wanted this conversation (as shown above) to be real between Buffy and Spike. I know a lot of people use the “we’ll get through this” line in Spuffy posts as if it were real, but God. I can’t imagine Buffy ever being that gushy towards Spike, but I can dream.

Added on to that, the First is one evil son of a bitch to do this to Spike (giving him the closure and peace he feels like he’ll never have with Buffy). Of course, the main thing to remember with this scene is that it is a real conversation to Spike, at least in the moment he’s having it. So, Spike talking about Dru and telling Buffy he could never ask for help after what he did to her, that’s a really beautiful moment from him. It’s also very sad because he’s telling her that they’ll never get past it all and she’s telling him she sees that he’s changed, and we know that they do get past it and Buffy does see the change.

The actual talk they have won’t make you feel any better, either. Spike says he doesn’t have anywhere to go other than the basement, and boom, now you’re crying again.

So, I was originally going to skip this episode, but this scene and the one immediately after are too important to pass up. Buffy helping Spike is a big step anyway, but when he touches her? And she jumps? But she says it’s her not him? Listen, I’m glad that six episodes in, they’re still addressing the attempted rape and how that’s affecting Buffy. But the fact that after he tells her he’s sorry for touching her arm, she says it’s her issue and not his? That’s a big deal. Especially because it’s totally understandable that she’d be jumpy. It conveys that she knows he’s not the same man as he was when he tried to hurt her. Basically, this scene shows us that Buffy doesn’t think she needs to be cautious around Spike at all anymore, that the jumpiness (in this scene) was just a bodily reaction. The amount of strength in that, man, whoa.

The scene after this one is the one where Dawn is asking Buffy why she’s helping Spike, even after he tried to rape her. I love this scene because Buffy tells Dawn that Spike knew as soon as she threw him off that what he’d done was horrible. I appreciate that little tidbit because it directly contradicts a lot of what she said in Season 6 about the fact that she could never love him because he was monster. 

Mkay, I’m not saying much about this one, even though it’s an important one for Buffy what with the admitting how she feels/could feel about Spike and how she treated him before and pretty much everything bad about their relationship.

I really do appreciate that Buffy is more self aware at this point in the series (even though she gets cocky and bossy later on). It makes me like Buffy as a character a lot more. In seasons prior, I found it really hard to like her as much as I should like a main character. In Season 4, she was too reserved when it came to college and Riley; in Season 5, I didn’t like the whole “mom” thing going on with Dawn; in Season 6, she was a total bitch to Spike for the majority of the time. Season 7, though, I can appreciate all of that and where it brought her. 

I also really like that she admits out loud to herself that the way she treated Spike was awful, but also that she shouldn’t of let it happen in the first place. Now, I’m mostly happy that it happened, but for Buffy’s well being and state of mind, it really shouldn’t have (although I’m sure with Spike to talk to, some of her pain was lessened at least).  

So, she knew Spike really did love her. She knows now that she acted the way she did because she didn’t want to be loved. That is good character development right there. K, we’re done here. Moving on.

Dude, how damn strong is the First that it can make Spike kill but the pain from the chip doesn’t snap him out of it? Christ. All I’m gonna say about the scene above is: holy shit, can you fucking see how much she cares about Spike? She’s fighting with herself so much on what to believe. On the barest level, yeah, Spike is William the Bloody. He could kill people again if he wanted to. But realistically? Nope. Not Spike. He wouldn’t. Couldn’t. And not just because of the chip. I love that about this scene.

Quick sidebar about it: when Buffy asks how his night was (obviously to see if he’d be all lol, I ate a girl), Spike looked so freaking happy that she was talking to him about something so normal.

Aw, man this scene is gold. This is another one of those ones that I’ve basically got memorized. Buffy is trying so hard to be the old, hard-ass Buffy. But, like, she so can’t because she knows that Spike didn’t do it. 

It’s very sad that Spike doesn’t remember any of it, but that’s a whole other thing. The way he defends himself by saying he couldn’t of killed anyone because of his soul is so damn cool. Of course, in the next episode, Buffy tells him that it isn’t just his soul but the fact that he’s a good man that keeps him from hurting anyone. 

Spike calling Buffy out about being jealous…oooo. I didn’t think that she was jealous at first, but after watching it back 2,000 times, I started to see it. I don’t think she was jealous before he brought it up, but when he did, she had the fleeting wh-no! I’m not jealous, please! thought. Which is totally a lie. 

If Spike is always right, and you know it, clap your hands *clap* *clap*. But honestly. I like his roundabout way of telling her he still loves her. I’ve said this in posts before, but I don’t think Spike wanted to tell her he still loved her. I think he wanted to try to stop using that as a way of convincing Buffy. He just wanted her to know he’d changed. No matter what that meant for the two of them because his goal this season was definitely not to get her back.

Spike being so defensive about the killing is pretty sad. He’s so scared that he did do it. And then it escalated to horror when he realizes he did. And then he calls Buffy for help, aw.

Spike’s trigger song is kind of pretty, yeah? Maybe it’s just because James was singing it. It’s worth noting here that Buffy wasn’t trying to hurt Spike, she was trying to snap him out of it. Even before she fully understood that something was messing with him. 

I always appreciate Spike’s vamp face, don’t you? Wasn’t the moment he licked the blood from Buffy’s arm almost…sensual? I guess for a vampire, blood is sensual, but it’s just a very interesting few seconds to me. Especially because the taste of Buffy’s blood specifically seemed to jog his memory of the killings.

In case you haven’t been able to tell by my choppy writing, I’m watching these scenes as I’m typing so it’s probably a little confusing as to what part I’m on. Sorry about that. 

So, we’re in the cellar, after the fighting and the “sorry, ma’am, but it’s my job.” Listen to me. Someone as large and in charge as Spike/James should not be allowed to look that small. The same deal happens in the scene after when he’s wrapped up in the blanket in Buffy’s house. It’s so fucking heartbreaking to see. That’s the sign of a good actor, right there. Damn.

The pain in Spike’s expression, his eyes, his face. Holy hell. He thinks Buffy is definitely going to kill him and he wants it. He’s not just okay with it, he’s not just understanding in why she has to do it, he wants it. His voice breaks, too, when he asks her to kill him quickly, when he talks about the song, and when he asks to forget. Just the sound of his voice is enough to make me cry.

I love that Buffy sort of tells Spike that he isn’t in pain because of the soul but because of whatever it is that’s messing with him (the First). And he asks her for help again. For the second time this episode. And she says she will again. Bitch. That’s…wow.

And here we see Buffy fighting so hard to help Spike. For her mission but also because she doesn’t want him to feel the pain he’s been feeling for so long. That’s very sweet. Also, I don’t know why, but Buffy feeding him is also very sweet to me. Maybe it’s because you can see it in her eyes, that she’s scared for him and that she wants to help him.

So, when Spike says (in answer to Buffy asking him how he got his soul back) that he “saw a man about a girl,” I feel like this is a really important moment for Buffy. Why, you ask, it’s only one line? Well, because, usually when Spike says he’s done something for her or because of her or any time he shows affection for her at all, Buffy takes the whole revulsion approach. But she didn’t this time. Instead what she showed on her face was, dare I say, guilt. Guilt that the reason for Spike’s guilt is because of her, because she’s why he got his soul. She does the same thing when he explains that he went through torture to get his soul back.

And. Here. We. Finally. Have. Spike. Confronting. Buffy. About. How. Shit. She. Treated. Him. We’ve seen how badly Spike feels about the attempted rape, Buffy confronted him about it. And now, here, we flip it around. Spike gets a chance to tell her that he understands why she did it, although it still hurt him. 

Here’s the thing: Spike is generally right about most stuff. And I think he pegged Buffy pretty well in this scene…but not the current Buffy. He pegged the Buffy from Season 6. Of course, in the basement later, she corrects him on that, but yeah. Spike says he hates himself, Buffy has that guilty look again.

Okay. Okay. Okayokayokay. I love this scene.

First of all, Buffy cleaning up Spike, love that. I mean, it isn’t his blood, but still. Unless it was from her kicking him in the face. Anyway.

Can you imagine how pleased Spike probably ended up being with himself that he bit Andrew? Like, after he figured out how annoying Andrew was (I love Andrew, but you know what I mean)? Every time Andrew brought up their road trip or tried to play 20 questions with him, I bet Spike thought at least I got to bite you. 

Good guys being martyrs and trying to put themselves in the ground are my weakness. Spike telling Buffy to kill him is ugh! 

It’s a really interesting piece, though, coupled with Spike telling Buffy how horrible he’d been in the past. Initially, I thought that Spike trying to rape Buffy was a freak thing, so to speak, that he wouldn’t of done it with Dru or any time before that. Now, though, I’m not so sure. In this scene, when he tells Buffy she got off easy, I assume that’s what he’s talking about right? Because when he says the thing about him damaging a girl just enough so that she’ll still cry when he- And he cuts himself off? He was going to say when you rape them, right? From a story standpoint, that’s very interesting to me. I don’t know if it’s because I find rape so vile or what it is, but I just didn’t think William the Bloody or even Angelus would do that to someone. The way James and David played those characters, I guess I just assumed that rape wouldn’t be something they’d do.

And the whole time Spike is trying to anger Buffy enough so that she’ll kill him, she’s telling him that he is not that bad man anymore. That he’s worth saving (like that Fred reference I just threw in there?). 

When Spike says “it’s not love” in reference to why Buffy hasn’t killed him, I have a theory. Buffy told him it was because he fought by her side because, for one that’s true, but also because she figured that’s the only way he’d listen to her. But I think that when he said “it’s not love,” Buffy though to herself not yet. Just my opinion, but if she did? Dayum.

Then Spike pegs Season 6 Buffy again, and she corrects him, like I said earlier. It’s nice to know that Buffy’s grown so much so that she doesn’t need to hate to do her job. 

These lines right here, I love them. “You faced the monster inside of you, and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man. And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I do. I believe in you, Spike.” It’s not an I love you, but isn’t it almost better? Buffy had never said anything like this to him in the past. It is such a huge deal that she’s not only saying it to give confidence to Spike, but because she really believes it. And Spike. Oh, Spike. As soon as she said she believes in him, he got this look of almost confusion on his face that turned to…well, the only way I can describe it is that he was glowing. Hearing that from Buffy of all people made him believe in himself. Beautiful, beautiful moment.  

These next two episodes are gonna go by pretty fast because there’s not a whole lot of Spuffy (which is why we’re here). I don’t know where, but I’m pretty sure at some point Buffy expresses the need to find Spike. Which is important because, for example, in Season 5 when Glory kidnapped him, Buffy expressed the need to find him…but only because she didn’t want him to tell Glory that Dawn was the key. This season, she wants to find Spike because she wants Spike back. Needs him back. She doesn’t want him to die. How amazing is that?

So, the main thing with this episode, obviously, is that Spike isn’t giving into the First because Buffy believes in him. Do you realize how powerful that is? He’s fighting to be good, one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do, and the thing that’s making it easy for him is Buffy. That’s incredible.

As if it wasn’t enough that Spike is being tortured, now he’s fighting to believe that Buffy cares enough to come for him. OH MY GOD, how sad. Of course, the First is making him doubt it more than he normally would, but Spike is faced with something here that he hasn’t addressed yet this season: how does Buffy feel about me? Surely he’s thinking to himself that after all he’s done, she’d be crazy to risk her life to save him. But he’s also hoping that since she believes in him, since she saw his change, she’ll come anyway.

And then she does. And Spike is so happy it makes my heart hurt. Jesus, his face when he realizes it’s really Buffy is something I’ll never forget. I don’t know if I’d say he got to a point that he didn’t believe she’d come for him, but when he saw her…he lit up. Relief and love and joy all bubbled up inside of him. His face was absolutely beautiful in that moment. And Buffy. Seeing how happy he was to see her, the love and elation behind his eyes. It’s a hell of a thing, with two people, when you can be happy just because the other person is happy. 

Their hands. This is such a sweet moment. All of it. Buffy being concerned, Spike being a gentleman, Buffy running her hands down his chest, their hands touching and the eye thing they do. I wanna cry tears of love. I wish I knew how to say more about it, but it’s just so serene and beautiful that all I can do is let it speak for itself.

I just want to say one thing about this moment here and the scene prior (in the demon bar). It’s very, very nice that they’re in a place that they can look back on the memories of them fighting together and being together in a positive way. The vitriol and toxicity forgotten. 

So, first off, they’re having a normal conversation. Which is, like, what? Spike saying that Buffy keeps him safe mirrors what he said earlier in the season when he wanted her to help him be quiet. I don’t know how to explain exactly why this is such a big deal to me, but it is. Maybe it’s because he depends on her or because he wouldn’t have been able to kick the First’s influence without her or what, but the fact that she affects him so much is really powerful to me. Also, is it not super adorable that Spike and Buffy are like Mom and Dad to the potentials?

I’m gonna go ahead and talk about the chip removal now instead of sticking a picture in here because I think I’ve overloaded you with pictures for the last couple episodes. I really love how the entirety of Buffy’s storyline this episode is figuring out how to help Spike. I love, too, how the show pitched it at the end like will she remove the chip or not, does she really trust him enough? As if it’s not obvious already that, duh, she does. That doesn’t make it any less of an important choice, though. Not because well, what if he goes back to being bad. Because he won’t. It’s important because it not only tells us that Buffy trusts Spike enough, it tells Spike that, too. 

In this scene, Buffy stands up to Giles about Spike. Giles. Her father figure. The one she’s looked up to for seven years. She makes the same argument she’s been making to everyone else, about Spike having a soul. But not only that, she vouches for him being a good man, but only if they give him the chance. That’s sort of a new concept for her. Essentially, she’s putting responsibility on herself and everyone else to help Spike be better. That’s pretty cool. And the fact that now, all of a sudden (or rather, after her newly found faith in Spike), she considers the chip to be an act of evil. Like, what? Literally, ever since he got the chip, she’s been saying that it’s like God’s gift. Which, for Season 4 (maybe a little Season 5) Spike, that was true. 

It’s strange because she could’ve said since he has a soul, he doesn’t need the chip. That would make it Spike’s responsibility to be better. But she didn’t say that. She said that it was evil fighting evil. Which puts the blame on them. It’s quite a nice show of her feelings for him.

“You look nice” he says. You know he’s thinking holy hell, she’s beautiful. And she’s trying to spare his feelings about the date (but also, is it just me, or does she not totally see it as a date? Because maybe Wood isn’t the one she really wants?) And Spike is a gentleman, again, of course. Which, to me, it looks like Buffy is just a little disappointed that he’s not jealous. Maybe jealous is the wrong word, but she seems to want him to still want to be with her. Does that make sense? Added on to that, or on the other hand, she is also genuinely grateful that he’s stepping back. And then Spike says that some girls like bad boys and that prompts them to remember that they still have the hots for each other, which is good. And Buffy leaves, Spike looks sad because, big shocker, he does still want her and he’s sad he’s losing her.

I was going to skip this moment, but I couldn’t. Look at his face. You know when you’re watching a movie or something and the guy the girl is supposed to be with steps back to let her be happy with someone else, but then they have a moment where he looks at her and his face says God, I love you. Even though I can’t be with you, I love you more than anything in the world. That’s what his face says. And Buffy’s face is saying I didn’t know I could have these feelings for him, but then…how come I am?

Isn’t this episode supposed to be about Wood? There sure is a lot of Spuffy to go around. So, Buffy telling Spike she’s not ready for him to not be there. It’s such a simple scene, but so much comes out of it. Spike is still trying to remove himself because he still, deep down, doesn’t think he deserves to be as happy as he is when he’s with Buffy. Buffy tells him he has to stay. Now, think about that. If she was talking about needing him as a fighter, that would make sense. You have to stay because you’re our best warrior. But she said he has to stay because she needs him. I know they taught us this in elementary school, but “want” and “need” are two very different things. To need is to have to have something because it is essential to you. As in you can’t live without. To tell him he has to stay has such deep meaning. 

And when Spike says the thing about her not needing him because Wood is a demon fighter, Buffy doesn’t say well, yeah, I need you here for that, too, but… blah blah blah. She completely disregards the idea that Spike is there just to be another body. Instead she tells him he has to stay because she’s not ready to let him go. And the way Spike looks at her. It’s like he’s just realized that she might actually feel something more for him. That’s such a surprising notion to him. God, I love this scene. 

So, here’s the thing I love about this scene: the old Spike. Not at first, because when Buffy tells Spike she’s showing Wood the operation, he’s very polite about how it’s a good idea because Wood’s a good fighter, blah blah. But, oh, when dear ol’ Spike gets jealous. I don’t dislike it, in fact, I like it a lot. Because it’s not really the old Spike in sense of the dangerous one, it’s the old Spike in the sense of his personality. For the most part, that’s always a good thing. I mean it’s pretty obvious, but he’s more sarcastic in this scene, he throws in a sexual innuendo, he does the whole macho man thing. It’s great. Also, I like the little nod to Angel with the I’ve got a soul, so now I’m unique…mostly.

Alright, I get that Buffy is trying to make herself “big” for the potentials and the Scoobies, but what she said to Spike was unnecessary. I am proud of him, though, for not biting back the way he normally would. I mean, he argued with her, but he didn’t try to hurt her with what he was saying. 

Literally, this scene was so out of the blue. It shocked me when I watched it because, before this (within the episode), Buffy had no issues with Spike at all. She literally just started something to look tough.

Spike has the right to be confused as hell. And hurt. Basically, she’s making him think that she doesn’t appreciate what he did in getting his soul. That the consequences of him being a better man are that he got soft. Which is bullshit because she doesn’t want the old Spike back. One thing she said that was true was that she was no where near the old Spike. Which isn’t a bad thing at all. And I think Spike knows that, but can you imagine going through so much suffering for someone you love only to have it thrown back in your face? That doesn’t piss you off, it breaks you.

All that being said, I do think that Spike wasn’t being as fierce as he had been in the past. I think he was doing all he could after the First and the soul, so he wasn’t holding back, but I think he was a little afraid to be a badass again. Whether that’s because he thought he’d lose Buffy or because he thought he’d fall back to his old ways, I don’t know. But, I’ll tell you what, when he put that coat back on, he was ready for some fucking action. I think he realized that he could keep that piece of himself, the fighter, and still be the good man he wanted to be.  

No Spuffy in episode 16, but here, have this extremely strange photo instead. 

Okay, here we are with another Spike-centric episode. In this scene, Giles sticks that wormy thing in Spike’s head to suss out what his trigger is. So, I understand why Giles is wary of Spike, but also, like, leave my baby alone! I’m happy, though, that Giles decided to help Spike (even if it was just because Buffy wouldn’t let him do anything else) instead of killing him.

SIKE because he didn’t try to help Spike at all in this episode, he was 100% trying to kill him. But this isn’t about Giles.

I like the little moment we get (after the wormy thing crawls into Spike’s brain, when he loudly exclaimed ow!) where Buffy is worried about Spike. I mean, of course, at this point we know she cares for him, but to see her be worried about his well being like that is adorable. 

Now, after the flashback with horrible poetry, Spike is all defensive and closed off. Of course, after what he remembered. My favorite fucking set of lines from this episode is when Spike says “Get these sodding things off me, I’m fine!” and then Buffy says “Don’t you think you should take a little time, calm down?” and then Spike goes “I am calm.” It’s just so damn hilarious to me for some reason. Know what else is funny is that Spike is so embarrassed about talking about his mother and when he was a baby, as if it’s inherently embarrassing to have even been a baby in the first place. But, for real, can you imagine a little baby Spike? So cute.

And then Buffy stands up to Giles again on Spike’s behalf. Although, granted, Giles is sort of right and Buffy’s judgement is a little clouded, but it’s still sweet okay?

Taking a break from Spuffy for a minute to talk about Spike. The block of time when he’s trapped with Wood provides us with a hell of a lot of information. Other than the flashbacks, of course. So, obviously, what Wood has done to Spike here is extremely unfair. And Wood knows on some level that the Spike that killed his mother is not the same one that’s standing in front of him. That’s why he plays the trigger song. 

But, it’s still a really shitty thing to do because he’s not just killing the “animal,” he’s killing a good man. Just because he chooses not to see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. 

Now, in my opinion, Spike took a bit of a dip in this scene as far as morals go. I do think that Wood deserved to get the shit beaten out of him, and I do think that Spike was justified in telling Wood off about the whole “that’s how the game is played” thing. But I don’t really think Spike should’ve said the things he said about Wood’s mother. Mostly because we know ensouled Spike. We know he feels like shit for doing the things he did in the past. I think the reason he said those things about Wood’s mom is because he wanted to hurt Wood emotionally, at least slightly. Which is a regression to the old Spike, and not a good part of him, either. I understand why he did it, but he went just a little too far here.

Dude, when Buffy first looks around that room (with the crosses everywhere), she looks genuinely pissed. As well she should. At first, I was little disappointed that Buffy defended Spike on the grounds that he’s a good warrior, but now I realize that she probably did that because “combat-talk” would be the only way she had even a slight hope of making Wood understand. I don’t think she threatened him for any other reason besides what she said about not having time for vendettas, but I’d like to pretend that she did it to say if you fucking touch my love again, I will kill you myself.

I do appreciate how she said that the Spike that killed his mother didn’t exist anymore. It is sort of sad that all of this broke her relationship with Giles, but honestly, what was he expecting?

Ding, ding, ding. I’ve got an unpopular opinion: I don’t really care for Faith. To be fair, I didn’t watch Angel (other than the Spike bits), but I just don’t really like her being around. I remember when she was the “big bad” she pissed me off so much. Like to a point where I couldn’t enjoy the show. It’s different when an antagonist makes you mad, but you can still appreciate them as a character compared to when you literally can’t watch the show because you can’t stand the character. I recognize that she’s good now, but I guess I just don’t like her attitude. I know, I know. That’ll get me some backlash. But I need to preface with that in case I bitch about her later.

Okay, back to the show. When Spike and Faith meet for the first time (the second time, really, but you know), it’s pretty funny. Especially because of Spike’s annoyance at being compared with Angel. That’ll never get old. One thing I will say is that I like how (and I know they did this on purpose) Faith and Buffy as well as Spike and Angel are opposites…but opposites that are a lot alike. You know? And originally, Spike and Faith would be more alike, just like Buffy and Angel were more alike, but now it’s flip flopped. I dunno. Kinda cool. Moving on.

Jesus Christ, the flirting pisses me off so much. I know that Spike wouldn’t go for Faith since he’s in love with Buffy and always will be, but it’s just annoying as hell to me. Faith’s personality is very showy. I think it’s mostly who she actually is, but she always gives off this sort of fake, “I’m trying to be badass and cool” vibe. Maybe that’s why I don’t like her. Anyway, when she was down in the basement talking to Spike, Spike mirrored her attitude, and I didn’t like it at all. Like, when he was talking about having sex with Buffy, he turned into a stereotypical douche bag. I can’t explain it well, but I hated them interacting with each other. It felt really out of place for the episode, the season, and Spike’s character. I liked the nod to Season 6 Spuffy, though, what with the Spike being amazed with good Buffy is in bed and all.

The reason this scene is important is this right here: Buffy is jealous. Like, of another girl with Spike. What? That never fucking happens. Also, she was totally coming down there to hang out with Spike. There wasn’t any news to tell him, she was 100% just going down there to be with him. Don’t worry, Buffy. I’d be pissy, too. I’m glad they shut that shit down after this episode, though.

I totally forgot about this scene in this episode, otherwise I would’ve skipped over it. Just one main thing to say about Buffy defending Spike to Giles again. The way she says that Spike is the only one that’s watching her back mirrors Season 6 Spuffy really nicely. Because in Season 6, of course, she felt like the only one she could be honest with was Spike. Granted, that turned out horribly, but here it ends up beautifully. 

Good God, this episode means so much. The last three of the series, really. Okay, so Spike is blowing up on a room full of people (that could kill him) for Buffy. Honestly, the group was a little bit justified in what they did. You know, because Buffy was getting out of control. They probably would’ve done better to sit Buffy down and talk about it rather than vote her off the island, though. That thing Buffy said in the previous episode? About the whole Spike being the only one to have her back thing? Well…looks like she was right. God, the things he says about her. You can tell so well how much he loves her and respects her. And the thing is, if Faith wasn’t there to challenge him, he would’ve gotten through to them. Go back and watch that scene and look at the shame on everyone’s faces. It’s good.

And then he and Faith beat on each other and Spike literally sniffs Buffy out and goes to find her. Vampires, man.

I’m gonna talk about the rest of the Spuffy in one fell swoop instead of breaking it up into scenes because, holy shit, that’ll take a lot of time and I’m tired.

When Spike finds her in the house, he’s legitimately so damn excited to tell Buffy about Caleb and the vineyard. It’s mucho adorable. And he’s still totally on her side even when she isn’t (like when Buffy told Spike she believed in him). He tells her that it’s chaos without her just because he thinks that’ll help. It’s SO FUCKING CUTE. Tell you what did help, though, Spike telling Buffy he hit Faith. And as soon as she was like “Really?” Spike went oh, will that help? Hell, I’ll kill the bitch if it’ll make you happy. It’s funny in a sweet way. I guess it needed to be to precursor “the talk.”

So, this talk mirrors the one from “Never Leave Me” almost exactly. Buffy gives the long “I hate myself” speech and Spike gives her her confidence back. I’m gonna break it down more than that, obviously. This is, after all, one of my favorite scenes. Buffy is basically ragging on herself for cutting people off, but she projects that onto the current “her,” which is not the same as the old her (Season 6 Buffy). She did cut off her family of fighters, but her growth from Season 6 to 7 is freaking amazing. Which is why Spike jumps in after she says he only wanted her because she was “unattainable.”

Buffy says “Stage is yours. Tear me up.” And he fucking did, yo. Before I talk about what Spike says, I want to emphasize the importance of the fact that Buffy is listening to him. I’ve said it before, but usually when Spike says something affectionate, she tunes it out. Can you say “character development”? And also, this is the very first time Spike not only tells Buffy that he loves her, but also why he loves her. Okay, let’s get into it.

I’m starting kind of in the middle here with the “100 plus years, and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of: you.” 100+ years. Dude, that’s a long time of not being sure of anything. Buffy breaking through that mold is such a meaningful thing. And (praise for Sarah) Buffy’s eyes twitch because she’s about to cry. Because Spike telling her how much she means to him really touches her (and the episode’s title is “Touched,” how ironic). Buffy never had that reaction when it came to Spike before this. You can tell how much what he’s saying means to her by just looking in her eyes during this scene. Spike saying he’s not asking her for anything sort of drives in the already pretty clear point that he’s not saying any of this for him, he’s doing it because he believes in Buffy and wants her to believe in herself. Totally selfless. And then what he says about her being “a hell of a woman” is just so beautiful. Spike saying she’s “the one” has two meanings, right. First, Buffy is the chosen one, of course. The Slayer. But she’s also the one for him. The only one he’ll ever truly love. Naturally, Buffy says “I don’t wanna be the one” in reference to the Slayer thing, but Spike brings it home with some good ol’ fashioned humor.

Buffy asks Spike to stay with her. My head is spinning, that’s so huge. She’s looking at him with such love and beauty. And Spike, being the gentleman that he is, is prepared to sleep on the “comfy chair.” But when Buffy asks him to hold her…no hesitation, Spike goes to her. He doesn’t do it for him, he does it for her. He’s completely there with her, for her in this moment. He doesn’t want to think of this night as the best night of his life because he wants to give all of himself to Buffy.

The two of them being the only ones in the “love montage” that weren’t having sex just makes it so much more impactful. They’ve already had their time to be physical, but they never got the chance to be intimate. The fact that they finally get to here is transcendent.

And when she wakes up in the morning, Buffy looks at him with such wonder. She smiles, very slightly, thinking about all he’s given her and how amazing he’s become. How fucking beautiful is that?

The talk. In the kitchen. Oh my God. First off, Spike is trying to make the previous night less of a big deal because he’s used to Buffy responding that way and he thinks that’s what she wants from him (plus, he probably did it so it wouldn’t hurt so much if she said it). 

But Buffy looks so saddened that it didn’t mean more to him (or so she thinks). She tries to brush it off for the same reason Spike does.

Dude, when Spike walked out, I was so concerned that they were going to leave it at that. But, oh no. Buffy was having none of it. Quick note: the fact Buffy is the one doing the you mean a lot to me, tell me I mean a lot to you thing? Damn.

So, Spike is obviously really surprised that what he said to Buffy impacted her that much. And him telling her he’s terrified–of loving her, of letting himself get close, of being this happy–that’s so powerful. He looks at Buffy like she’s his whole world, which she is to him. Then he tells her it was the best night of his life (100+ years of it). I think he was hesitant to say anything because, for one he’s not mushy gushy, but also because (like I said earlier) he didn’t want to talk about him. He wanted that to be for Buffy. But this makes it about the both of them together, and that inevitably brings them closer. 

Let’s talk about facial expressions that are important to me with this scene. Buffy’s face when Spike tells her it was the best night of his life: elation, love, amazement. Spike’s face when Buffy tells him he doesn’t have to be terrified/when she says she was there with him: relief, joy, awe. Okay, we’ve got to move on, even though I’m crying all of a sudden. Dear, I wonder why.

It’s the final episode. Holy shit. Aaand Angel’s back. That’s fine, we like Angel. Angel is a good guy. 

The way Buffy tells him about Spike is one of my favorite things ever. I mean, she’s so mature and kind about it. At first, it’s funny because Angel is totally confused and jealous about Buffy and Spike. Which, you know, understandable. Last Angel checked, Spike was a miserable jackass. And Buffy doesn’t deny that she’s in love with him. And she says Spike is “in my heart.” Whaaa. And she basically refers to him as her boyfriend before saying he isn’t, but…I dunno, I’d say if the world wasn’t ending…they’d probably be pretty close to together by now. I guess they are anyway, but still. 

The thing I like about this scene is that usually, in the past, when Buffy sees Angel (after not having seen him for a while) they kiss and love on each other and basically pretend they’re a couple when they’re together. 

But the way she feels about Spike is enough to counter that. Not in the way that it did with Riley. With Riley, it was more about loyalty. Like, she couldn’t do the thing with Angel because she was dating someone else. With Spike, it’s about Buffy saying she isn’t in love with Angel (to be fair, I don’t think Angel is really in love with Buffy anymore either) but she thinks she could be in love with Spike. So, she and Angel can’t do the thing because her heart belongs to someone else. Yeah. Whoa. 

The “baking” thing, I don’t know that I like that analogy. Aside from the fact that it’s a funny thing to reference when talking about Buffy and Spike vs Buffy and Angel.

This scene is so damn beautiful. Spike being jealous of Angel in the way he’s jealous of Angel is great. He’s not angry or bitter, he’s terrified that he’ll lose this one, beautiful girl. The only one he’ll ever really love. The one that saved him. Buffy. 

And then Buffy calls Spike a “champion,” and I’m telling you, I’ve never seen anyone’s face glow as much as Spike’s in that moment. Buffy, too, is trying to convey with her eyes how much he means to her. I’m so, so happy they spent that last night together. I’m not going to say anything about the lovely looks or the cuddling because it’s so amazing on its own.

The scene that will make everyone cry for the rest of eternity. The fire hand thing. The fact that Spike and Buffy’s love is strong enough to do that? Sure, it could’ve been because Spike was a ball of fire at the time, but you know that’s not what it really is. 

Buffy fell in love with him the second their hands touched. I believe she had been in love with him for a while before this moment, but she didn’t realize it until it hit her: she’s going to lose him. But Spike doesn’t fucking believe her. That’s so damn sad. I’m glad, though, that it gave him the peace he needed as he died.

For me, Buffy’s last words in the series being “Spike,” are totally justified. Spike went through an enormous arc and ended up being a pinnacle character to the show. I think a lot of people still see him as a secondary character, but really he’s become so much more, to Buffy and to the show. So, I think Spike deserved to be the last word to come from Buffy’s mouth.

Okay, I’m gonna do some general thoughts and opinions/closing statements here.

The first thing I want to point out is Spike’s appearance this season. No black nails, no dark lash line. Much less villainous. Now, realistically, I know that James had been keeping weight off from the time he got on the show up through Season 6 because he said that the vampires that “made it,” so to speak, were super thin (because, like, they’re dead). But after Season 6, Joss was like “Bro, eat something” and so James gained a little back. So it wasn’t intentional, but what it did was symbolize the change in Spike from no soul to soul. How he wasn’t all hard edges and bad boyish anymore. That’s kind of cool.

The other two things I want to talk about is Spike and Buffy’s maturity. It’s insane the amount of change the both of them went through just between Seasons 6 and 7. 

So, Buffy. She’s in a much better place with herself than she was in Season 6. This is very good. It’s just such a cool thing to watch her grow. Where she ended up at the end of the series, especially with Spike, was as a very mature and put together person.

With Spike, it’s the same thing. The soul made him be a lot more honest with himself. Which helped him grow. I mean, you can tell easily with his dialogue this season. It’s much more mature. And where he ended up was at peace. With himself, with Buffy. It’s quite beautiful.

Alright, that’s it for this post. Did you make it? You should totally tell me if you did. This is too long, I realize that, but I worked very hard on it and I’m pretty proud of it to be honest. Even edited the pictures and everything. 

Spuffy means so much to me as I know it does to other people out there. I just wanted to discuss my favorite season for Buffy and Spike. They’ve given me warmth and light and joy, and it’s something I’ll never let go. So thank you, Spuffy, for giving me hope.             

every girl who could have the power, will have the power. can stand up, will stand up. slayers, every one of us. make your choice. are you ready to be strong? 

happy 20th anniversary to my favourite show of all time, to my heroine. one girl in all the world.

the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. be brave. live. 

Each of us is alone… But we’re a part of a whole… Slayer to slayer in a long line… But I have my own whole – that didn’t come out right – I mean, I have my own tribe… An extended family that fights together… And never turns its back on each other…

We all learn – sooner or later – it’s not about slaying…
        It’s about saving.

Buffy Classic #49: Note from the Underground

Buffy and Xander Parallels

If Buffy’s journey is about a girl who is struggling with her calling and how it affects her femininity and life as a “regular” girl, then Xander’s journey parallels Buffy’s. It’s about a boy who struggles to fulfill society’s expectations of men: be an athlete, lose his virginity at an early age, save the girl, get the girl, be violent… etc.

Buffy shows up for her date with Angel after slaying a bunch of vampires, smells of exhaustion and sweat, hair a mess, only to find beautiful, feminine Cordelia chatting Angel up and he’s smiling and having fun. Buffy who should be proud of her accomplishment – she saves lives for God’s sake – is ashamed of herself. She’s not feminine enough to attract the attention of a man.

Xander almost gets beaten up by a bully and Buffy saves him. Instead of being grateful, he gets angry at her. Being saved by a girl meant enduring mockery and more abuse.  Getting beaten up earns him more respect than being saved by a girl.

As the years progress, Buffy will harden, her calling matters more, she won’t lose her femininity, but there will be less short skirts to appeal the male gaze and more practical pants (fashionable, but practical).  And after spending high school trying so hard to get the attention of men, change herself so they’d like her, and almost sacrificing her life for a man, she learns to value herself for who she is – “No man is worth losing your life” – and she’ll stand high and tall and smiling to the future possibilities in the last shot in Chosen without a boyfriend by her side. 

As the years progress, Xander will embrace the traditional female “supportive character” as well as “The Heart” in the Scooby operation – a role usually given to female characters. He’s not an athlete, the way he loses his virginity is a big gender reversal event as his reaction to sex as a connection between two people contrasting Faith’s “just a body to screw” view. Instead of violence, Xander will take a much peaceful approach to saving the world: reasoning, communication (as seen in The Zeppo and Grave) and his job is to provide support and love to the key players – Buffy, Willow and Dawn.

One of the interesting developments of Xander’s character is learning his limits. In S8, when Willow is kidnapped, the witches will be able to open a portal that fits only two people and Buffy naturally assumes that Xander will accompany her, however, Xander surprises her by saying:

A teenage Xander would jump at any opportunity to prove himself and risk his life and the lives of others to accomplish that. Grown up Xander, however, sees the big picture and wisely chooses the most affective solution even if it meant that he won’t participate in saving the life of a friend. (Contrast Xander following Buffy to the sewers to save Jesse in S1 with Xander asking Buffy to choose her best fighter to save Willow in S8.)  

“You can educate your daughters to be Slayers, but you have to educate your sons to be Xanders.” Rubel Kuzui

Hunters on the Hellmouth

For @fangirlfolio. Thank you for helping me find my voice again.

masterlist

Chapter 1: Meet Me at the Cemetery

“I didn’t know demons could hot wire cars!” Dean shouted as he punched the gas.

Their most recent desperate attempt to fight Lucifer had resulted in Cas bleeding in the backseat of the Impala while Meg in a souped up Mustang lead a host of demons in pursuit.

One vehicle in the fleet held Lucifer. He knew where the Winchesters were. He could easily pop into their car as they drove, but he didn’t. He wanted to play with them first.

“Drive faster!” Sam yelled. Dean pressed the old car as fast as she could go, but Sam couldn’t shake the blistered face of Lucifer burned into his brain.

Dean jerked the wheel, and they skidded off the rain-soaked highway onto a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it country road. The sudden turn threw off a couple of the demon drivers, Meg included. Not all of the stolen cars matched Baby, and a little distance formed. Maybe twenty more feet. It wasn’t enough and they knew it. The narrow road they were on couldn’t be too long.

“Little help here, Cas!” Dean shouted.

“He’s fading,” said Sam. Cas, pale and sweaty, had used all of his energy keeping them alive leaving none to heal himself.

Suddenly, a pale blue light consumed everything. Dean shielded his eyes. The light grew so bright, Sam couldn’t see his brother sitting next to him. He would have been sure this light was them dying, but Sam doubted approaching Hell would be so beautiful.

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