OK! Hi all. For those who read my reviews you know I write this in real time which means any mistakes I make at the beginning might be cleared up in the end. There will be anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Steroline, anti-Bamon sentiments. I will probably reference other shows and Julie’s blatant misogyny. If you don’t like it don’t read. This was done on my phone so beat with me. Let’s go.
1. So I don’t remember if this is from 8x09 or 8x10 when Sybil explains that opening the door from Cade’s world into this world will destroy everyone in this world but that is literally Buffy season 5. Glory is a hell goddess who wants the key back into her dimension but if the key (who is Buffy’s sister) opens her world then the dimensions will bleed together and reality will cease to exist. LIKE??? Does Julie even know what an original thought is?
2. Is it supposed to be super evil that Cade killed Sybil and Seline?
3. So Bonnie doesn’t know what Cade looks like?
4. Cade is a petty villain. Him breaking up a couple’s marriage is like Katherine “breaking up” Tyler and Caroline because she slept with Klaus.
5. Damon is entirely annoying and I get that he’s supposed to be annoying Stefan by being all “my humanity is back!” but they’re BOTH boring me because HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE SEEN THIS? One of them chained or vevained or bleeding out or WHATEVER while the other is being the annoying brother being like “get your humanity back on!” like I’m OVER IT.
6. I could be watching Goblin now. A show TVD could’ve used as a road map for interpersonal relationships.
7. “Contrary to your popular belief, it’s not all about you” that’s rich coming from Damon and from the show dedicated to centring everything around Damon.
8. So did Matt just get his job back? Like just like that?
9. “Left behind by the first settlers” so we’re just going to ignore that they would be colonizers then. I guess.
10. Lol Caroline’s other obligations is a time capsule?
11. “Look at Damon, humanity on and he’s a new person!” HE IS EXACTLY THE SAME. DAMON ALWAYS REMAINS EXACTLY THE SAME. MAGNUM IS THE SAME LOOK AS BLUE STEEL. OH MY FUCKING GOD.
12. So is Caroline just not going to be there to help get Stefan’s humanity back or…? I watched the “Inside ‘You Made A Choice To Be Good’” and Julie Plec said something along the lines of Caroline is living her life and just waiting out Stefan’s non-humanity because she’s over it and you know what if Stefan had chosen to turn off his humanity just for the fuck of it then I would be like Caroline, girl, do you but considering he did this for her daughters, I would like to see more commitment and not just “I’m staying positive.”
13. So Matt can say that it’s still Stefan who tried to get him to destroy the entire town but he can say that Damon turning and effectively killing Vicki is a long time ago, him murdering Tyler wasn’t him. OK true. Not transparent at all TVD.
14. It’s hard to keep giving him a pass. But Damon gets all the passes in the world? WHY?
15. I COULD BE WATCHING GOBLIN.
16. Goblin is a Kdrama btw. Since my followers have been asking.
17. Ugh I every time I see BE I actually just groan.
18. Why is Damon giving him pancakes and not blood? Is Stefan not a vampire? Is he drying Stefan out? What’s the point of this?
19. I’m actually still really irritated that Matt said that he couldn’t keep giving Stefan a pass. Damon has killed so many people in this town. LIKE OMG. But Matt has a knack of blaming Stefan for shit that ISN’T HIS FAULT.
20. Also Matt calling intern dude and intern dude being like “I am a person not just your Wikipedia” is giving me Bamon vibes.
21. Oh my God, I am literally only 10 minutes in.
22. Oh his name is Dorian.
23. My anons keep telling me how Ian has these huge ass arms. I’m not seeing it.
24. The race track is giving me OTH vibes.
25. The twirl is cute, I will admit that. If there’s one thing BE can do, it’s Enzo twirling Bonnie.
26. But they just don’t have chemistry that it can sustain my interest.
27. Ugh Matt’s annoying me.
28. Cade is not intimidating.
29. There is SO MUCH TALKING.
30. Can they just get to when Stefan kills Enzo already?
31. Does Caroline work at The Grill?
32. DID MATT JUST SAY, REAL TALK? OH MY FUCKING GOD. NO.
33. Things are taking too long to happen.
34. I want to find Bonenzo cute but like … ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
35. People are talking a lot.
36. Wow, I found Damon mildly amusing in this scene. “I thought you promised you wouldn’t do anything stupid?” “When did I ever promise THAT?”
37. But Damon always does something stupid and people give him a pass but Stefan sacrifices and it’s hard to forgive him. Mmkay.
38. 21 minutes and 41 seconds.
39. The music is telling me that the stakes are super high but I don’t feel anything but boredom because people are JUST. TALKING.
40. No but seriously, does Caroline own The Grill or what?
41. “For generations we thought we were cursed” just like how the Whitmores thought they were cursed? Original, Julie. Also remember when the Whitmores weren’t cursed it just so happened that Damon was murdering all of them? But oh yeah that’s easy to forgive. My bad.
42. Talking talking talking talking
43. This is the final season though?
44. Stefan agreeing to kill Elena is too ridiculous for me to even be mad at it.
45. It actually just looks painful when Bonnie hugs Enzo like her arms are stiff.
46. “Your selflessness is part of what makes you you.” “Your humanity is the one thing who makes you who you are.” “Because that’s what makes you you.” How many times are we going to repeat the same sort of line?
47. BE kissing is just awkward.
48. Maybe run Bonnie? Like why are you walking? Like fam you’re taking for fucking ever. Enzo is no longer able to come into a house that you thought you owned. SHOULDN’T THAT BE A LITTLE I DUNNO SUSPICIOUS?
49. Don’t vampires have super speed? Like superhuman speed? I always thought a vampire would be faster than a car. So if Damon is so pressed about Stefan killing Elena like I would think he should just vamp speed to where he is.
50. Bonnie’s reaction to Stefan killing Enzo was anticlimactic. Stefan killing Enzo was anticlimactic. Bonnie turning Stefan human was anticlimactic because there wasn’t even a struggle. He just stands there!
51. Although I do find something poetic in the fact that Elena’s blood is in Stefan’s system.
52. I don’t care for Bonenzo but seriously Julie taking away Bonnie’s happiness at every turn is a blatant hatred of her character, I don’t give a shit if she says she gets an unexpected happy ending, the unexpected happy ending will probably be her and Enzo reunited in death or something.
53. Also Bonnie let out a psychic blast with her cry of pain like Cade did, if Bonnie becomes a next devil I will lose it. Or maybe her psychic world will be all angelic and shit and Enzo’s soul will be there and that will be her happy ending.