buffing

blizzard: mercy has 100% pickrate in comp and no one wants to play the other healers which means she’s too op so we have to nerf her

me climbing up to jeff kaplan’s ear: maybe the reason people only pick mercy isn’t because she’s overpowered but because all the other healers are extremely underpowered and picking mercy as a healer is the only thing that makes sense in winning a game anymore because none of the other healers have abilities that can keep their team alive as efficiently as mercy. this isn’t a problem with mercy jeff, keeping the team alive is what a healer is supposed to do. so maybe instead of nerfing mercy and making her unable to do that, you should be buffing your other three healers so they can be as valuable of a team asset as mercy and make your game actually fair and balanced for support mains for once in your miserable life.

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remember in gold and silver how azumarill was just flat-out terrible it was a water-type with mediocre bulk and no offensive presence and no interesting moves outside of belly drum and even that was questionable, completely useless and outclassed

then gen 3 came along and it got huge power and suddenly its attack stat was actually fantastic but it still wasn’t all that good because it had nothing in the way of physical STAB since all water moves were special

then dppt with waterfall and aqua jet and it was such a boon, and people actually started using it for its stupidly powerful water moves and it had ice punch and superpower for coverage and it was pretty good

and then xy, it got the fairy-type, knock off got buffed, and now it’s a huge threat with ridiculously powerful belly drum aqua jets and play roughs and knock offs and it’s immune to dragon and it got into OU. no other pokemon has a success story like azumarill (excluding megas), god damn. i’m so proud of her

i love you azumarill

hey everyone its jeff from the overwatch team, we recently buffed dva so now shes a police officer and whenever you say stupid shit on the voice chat, harass people, blame your healer for losing, or play hanzo she will come to your house and arrest you physically

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[Refs call off Karlsson’s goal after an offsides review, Jack Eichel scores again the very next shift]

JACK EICHEL: Auston said before the next faceoff, he’s like ‘if we score here this next shift, point at the net.’ We all saw his goal the other night, and we thought it would be funny.

+bonus

overwatch game modes i wish i could create:

- GET DOWN MR. PRESIDENT: Only on King’s Row or Route 66. 5 Widowmakers and 1 Mercy vs. 5 extremely low health Zaryas and 1 Zenyatta. Aim of the game is to snipe President Zen. His loyal Secret Service try to protect their healer.

- Sweet Justice: 6 buffed as all hell Mercys vs. 1 nerfed to all hell Roadhog bot on Easy. The entire game is just Mercy murdering Roadhog over and over again. Therapy for people who play Mercy.

- Gotta Go Fast: 3 Lùcios, 2 Soldiers, and 1 Tracer on each team. Speed at maximum. Lucio’s healing aura has been nerfed to uselessness. His only use is to Go Fast. All of Soldier’s abilities except for Sprint are gone. Tracer can only Blink. No ultimates. Everyone can only shoot and go REALLY REALLY FAST. Oh oh oh, time to A C C E L E R A T E !

- Go The F*ck To Sleep: 6 Anas vs. 4 Pharahs. All abilities have 0 cooldown. Aim of the game is to make your daughter take a nap.

- Dogfight: 3 Anas and 3 Reinhardts on each team on Ilios. Anas aren’t allowed to touch the point - only Reinhardts are, and they have to fight to the death as their respective Anas heal them and the enemy Anas hurt them. Reinhardts can’t leave the point to fight the Anas - However, Anas are allowed to fight each other. Reinhardt has a massive health pool. No abilities or ultimates allowed, and healing is heavily nerfed. First team to capture the point wins. Make your bets!

- Super Overwatch Melee: NO ABILITIES NO WEAPONS NO HEALERS MELEE ONLY ECOPOINT: ANTARCTICA.

- Cold War: 3 Soldiers and 3 D.Vas vs. 3 Zaryas and 3 D.Vas. Ultimate charge is slowed. If you can’t work out your differences in time, you send in the nukes.

- Senior Special: You can only pick Roadhog, Reinhardt, Reaper, Soldier 76, Torbjorn, and Ana. Speed is at 50%.

- I’m Gay: You can only pick the female characters. (Bastion can come too.)

- Overwatch 2: It’s exactly the same but you can’t pick Hanzo, Widowmaker, Torbjorn, Symmetra, or Roadhog.

hi uh it’s jeff “tig ole bitties” kaplan from the overwatch team here… uh i’m really excited to share this new developer update with you all uh… basically with this new patch we have removed mercy completely from overwatch… uh we worked really hard on this and uh we hope you all enjoy it… we also buffed torbjörn and uh when he uses his ultimate… he now jumps out of your screen and uh… sücks yøűr tőës for fifteen seconds without breaking eye contact.

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okay first things first: i love and support everyone equally in bts but i feel i need to get this off my chest. can we just appreciate Kim Namjoon?
can we appreciate how much he’s done not only for bts, for the boys, for bighit, for kpop, for his family but for his korean and international fans as well?

like without him bangtan wouldn’t exist. well maybe it would but not in this kind of form. and let’s be honest; this bangtan is the best bangtan.

he’s such an amazing leader too. he’s always there for the other members whenever they’re sad, exhausted, in need of positivity, feel like giving up… they always have a shoulder they can lean on and it’s Namjoon’s. he always makes sure that everyone is okay, everyone is happy and everyone does their best and works hard. he’s the one who always wants the boys to be a part of english conversations to so he helps them with their english whenever he can. he translates english stuff to korean so the boys won’t feel like they’re left out of something. he protects his bandmates at all cost but he also scolds them if they’ve done something wrong (lol papa Joon has no chill)

he proved that just because you’re coming from a small company, you can still make a name for yourself in the music industry. after all: not the company but your work will affect people.

because of Namjoon bts didn’t stop until they became the first kpop group to win an award, break a voting record with 300 million (!!!) votes but still staying the same humble guys they really are. they proved that a simple group that has an amazing leader at front is capable to do anything. buf ofc all 7 of the boys needed to be a part of this to make it work. y'know TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK❤️

can we also appreciate that RapMon proved his family that they made the right choice that day when they allowed him to be a musician instead of making sure he cares about university and stuff. he proved that his family made the right choice because now everyone knows who bts are and with this he shut every hater’s mouth.

and now comes the most important thing: THANK YOU NAMJOON. Thank you for always talking to us i-fans in english, for teaching the boys english, for translating english speeches to korean so your k-fans can understand you as well and basically for inspiring us. For never giving up on us. For always being there with us. For saving our lives. For taking care of us. For talking to us through your lyrics. For never taking a step back whenever you experience hate, a bad scandal or something tough. Thank you for supporting us, loving us, for empowering us to be stronger, to be more confident. Thank you for telling us not to give up on our dreams, never be affraid to try out something new.

Thank you so much for everything, Kim Namjoon. You saved our lives and you changed our lives. Thank you for being the best leader and taking care of our boys. ARMY LOVES YOU RAP MONSTER❤️