buffed

blizzard: mercy has 100% pickrate in comp and no one wants to play the other healers which means she’s too op so we have to nerf her

me climbing up to jeff kaplan’s ear: maybe the reason people only pick mercy isn’t because she’s overpowered but because all the other healers are extremely underpowered and picking mercy as a healer is the only thing that makes sense in winning a game anymore because none of the other healers have abilities that can keep their team alive as efficiently as mercy. this isn’t a problem with mercy jeff, keeping the team alive is what a healer is supposed to do. so maybe instead of nerfing mercy and making her unable to do that, you should be buffing your other three healers so they can be as valuable of a team asset as mercy and make your game actually fair and balanced for support mains for once in your miserable life.

hey everyone its jeff from the overwatch team, we recently buffed dva so now shes a police officer and whenever you say stupid shit on the voice chat, harass people, blame your healer for losing, or play hanzo she will come to your house and arrest you physically

overwatch game modes i wish i could create:

- GET DOWN MR. PRESIDENT: Only on King’s Row or Route 66. 5 Widowmakers and 1 Mercy vs. 5 extremely low health Zaryas and 1 Zenyatta. Aim of the game is to snipe President Zen. His loyal Secret Service try to protect their healer.

- Sweet Justice: 6 buffed as all hell Mercys vs. 1 nerfed to all hell Roadhog bot on Easy. The entire game is just Mercy murdering Roadhog over and over again. Therapy for people who play Mercy.

- Gotta Go Fast: 3 Lùcios, 2 Soldiers, and 1 Tracer on each team. Speed at maximum. Lucio’s healing aura has been nerfed to uselessness. His only use is to Go Fast. All of Soldier’s abilities except for Sprint are gone. Tracer can only Blink. No ultimates. Everyone can only shoot and go REALLY REALLY FAST. Oh oh oh, time to A C C E L E R A T E !

- Go The F*ck To Sleep: 6 Anas vs. 4 Pharahs. All abilities have 0 cooldown. Aim of the game is to make your daughter take a nap.

- Dogfight: 3 Anas and 3 Reinhardts on each team on Ilios. Anas aren’t allowed to touch the point - only Reinhardts are, and they have to fight to the death as their respective Anas heal them and the enemy Anas hurt them. Reinhardts can’t leave the point to fight the Anas - However, Anas are allowed to fight each other. Reinhardt has a massive health pool. No abilities or ultimates allowed, and healing is heavily nerfed. First team to capture the point wins. Make your bets!

- Super Overwatch Melee: NO ABILITIES NO WEAPONS NO HEALERS MELEE ONLY ECOPOINT: ANTARCTICA.

- Cold War: 3 Soldiers and 3 D.Vas vs. 3 Zaryas and 3 D.Vas. Ultimate charge is slowed. If you can’t work out your differences in time, you send in the nukes.

- Senior Special: You can only pick Roadhog, Reinhardt, Reaper, Soldier 76, Torbjorn, and Ana. Speed is at 50%.

- I’m Gay: You can only pick the female characters. (Bastion can come too.)

- Overwatch 2: It’s exactly the same but you can’t pick Hanzo, Widowmaker, Torbjorn, Symmetra, or Roadhog.

Belarus, Minsk, 34 Karvat st. April 11, 2017

Беларусь, Минск, ул.Карвата 34, 11.04.2017


more of this street/ещё с этой улицы

An Escort’s Favorite Products and Their Hoe Uses

For those that have asked about my self-care regimen, here are my favorite products and their uses! I’ll definitely update this as I get more escorting experience and my product selection grows. 

Body

I have sensitive, weird skin. I’m allergic to almost all BBW products. Here are the things I love! 

  • Aloe Vera Baby Oil - Shaving the cooch
  • Tend Skin - Prevents razor burn after shaving the cooch
  • Neutrogena Body Clear Scrub - Exfoliates and gets rid of random bumps
  • Aveeno Therapeutic Shave Gel - For a soft, super close shave on your legs
  • Lollia Perfumed Shower Gel - All of their scents smell amazing and they leave behind a muted scent. Plus, it’s very thick so a little bit goes a long way. Seriously, a quarter sized dollop is enough to get foamy suds over your entire body!
  • Lollia Hand Creme - Will give you the smoothest, softest hands ever. Especially important for touching wieners. 
  • Intimore Intimate Wash - My favorite wash for cleaning the vag. ALL of their varieties are safe for sensitive skin and they have great uses. The Therapeutic wash is great if you’ve been fucked raw. Very soothing!
  • Lush Sugar Scrub - Great for exfoliating, it leaves your skin very bright and radiant and it is supposed to reduce the appearance of cellulite!
  • Nip + Fab Glycolic Fix Extreme Pads - I use these to get rid of weird bumps or razor burn on my legs after shaving. Will literally clear up those weird clear bumps that aren’t quite whiteheads or pimples. 
  • Kiehl’s Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter - Will leave your entire body smoother than a baby’s butt and the scent is very light. Super hydrating. I use this every night after a hot bath. I also use this to moisturize my cooch. YES, YOU CAN AND SHOULD MOISTURIZE YOUR COOCH. It’s okay! Try it!
  • Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs - It’s like foundation for your legs! It comes in either a squeeze bottle or mist. I use the squeeze bottle more because the mist WILL STAIN your bathroom tile or toilet, if you prop your leg on it to spray. 
  • St. Tropez Express Bronzing Mousse with Mitt - I used this for the first time last night because my spray tan was wearing off. It gives a really natural tan and you only have to leave it on 1-3 hours, depending on how dark you want to go, before rinsing! I left mine on for a little less than two hours and I have a nice, NATURAL looking tan glow! 

Hair

I’m a light ashy blonde with frizzy, unmanageable hair. Here are my top picks for products. 

  • Batiste Dry Shampoo - Absolute BEST dry shampoo and it’s super affordable. Very fine powder. It comes in a bunch of varities, I like the sleek and shine the most. 
  • AG Hair Cosmetics Sterling Silver Shampoo - Great purple shampoo for blondes. 
  • Davines Alchemic Conditioner - They have different formulas for different hair colors. I use the purple conditioner for blondes and it’s a great purple mask that tones and deep conditions. 
  • Kerastase Shampoo & Conditioner - Comes in a ton of varities. I use the ones for damaged hair and frizzy hair. BEST shampoo and conditioners I have ever used. It doesn’t take much product and every product does what it says it will. 
  • Kerastase Fluidissime Blow Dry Spray - For frizzy or curly hair. It gives heat protection, shine and smoothness. I use this when I want my hair to be super straight or I want to style it after blow drying. 
  • Kerastase L’ncroyable Blow Dry - Most amazing blow dry lotion ever. Seriously. Now my most used product. 
  • Kerastase Ciment Thermique - Protecting blow dry lotion for damaged/colored hair. 
  • Davines Melu Serum - For disguising split ends. Also adds shine. 
  • Davines Minu Mask - Illuminating hair mask used to add back shine and dimension
  • Carol’s Daughter Monoi Mask - Great for softness and hydration. Smells amazing. Probably my favorite mask. 
  • Kerastase Masqueintense - Second favorite hair mask. It’s ultra smoothing and revitalizes your hair. 
  • Kerastase Elixir Ultime - Great hair oil! Lighter than Morrocanoil with the same benefits, though the smell isn’t as nice. 
  • Shu Uemura Straight Forward - Great blowdry spray oil. It really does cut down the amount of time it takes to blow out your hair. I use this with the Kerastase Incredible Blowdy. 

Skin Care

I have sensitive, combination skin. I used to get random hormonal acne. 

  • Glamglow ThirstyMud - Great for hydration and smells amazing. You can use it as rinse off or a sleeping mask.
  • Glamglow Flashmud - Brightening, revitalizing mask. I use this on my butt to help get rid of a few blemish scars. No, I am not joking. Yes, it is actually working. 
  • Glamglow Thirstycleanse - Amazing mud cleanser for whenever my skin is feeling a little dry or needs some nourishment. 
  • Glamglow Supercleanse - My favorite cleanser ever. It’s a mud-oil dual pump and it takes off every BIT of make up and keeps your skin super clear! Plus, it’s not drying!
  • Peter Thomas Roth BHA 2% Acne Wash - For if I feel a breakout coming on. One bottle will likely last you over a year. 
  • Peter Thomas Roth Blemish Buffing Beads - Great for body acne.
  • Glamglow Fizzy Lip - Great exfoliating lip scrub, plus you get twice as much product as most other lip scrubs. 
  • Glamglow Wet Lip - Intense softening lip treatment. You should definitely be using both of these to get seductive, soft, kissable lips! 
  • Sunday Riley Luna Sleeping Oil - I use this at night before bed. It’s anti-aging, moisturizing, clarifying, fights wrinkles and reduces pore size. 
  • Sunday Riley Good Genes Serum - I use this in the morning and it makes my skin look superb. Best skin product I’ve ever had. It brightens, exfoliates, gives radiance and evens out hyperpigmentation. 
  • Clarins HydraQuench Intensive Serum Bi-Phase - I use this serum as my moisturizer and it keeps my skin super nourished! It doesn’t clog up your pores and hydrates your dry areas. Definitely the best moisturizer I’ve ever used.

hi uh it’s jeff “tig ole bitties” kaplan from the overwatch team here… uh i’m really excited to share this new developer update with you all uh… basically with this new patch we have removed mercy completely from overwatch… uh we worked really hard on this and uh we hope you all enjoy it… we also buffed torbjörn and uh when he uses his ultimate… he now jumps out of your screen and uh… sücks yøűr tőës for fifteen seconds without breaking eye contact.

okay first things first: i love and support everyone equally in bts but i feel i need to get this off my chest. can we just appreciate Kim Namjoon?
can we appreciate how much he’s done not only for bts, for the boys, for bighit, for kpop, for his family but for his korean and international fans as well?

like without him bangtan wouldn’t exist. well maybe it would but not in this kind of form. and let’s be honest; this bangtan is the best bangtan.

he’s such an amazing leader too. he’s always there for the other members whenever they’re sad, exhausted, in need of positivity, feel like giving up… they always have a shoulder they can lean on and it’s Namjoon’s. he always makes sure that everyone is okay, everyone is happy and everyone does their best and works hard. he’s the one who always wants the boys to be a part of english conversations to so he helps them with their english whenever he can. he translates english stuff to korean so the boys won’t feel like they’re left out of something. he protects his bandmates at all cost but he also scolds them if they’ve done something wrong (lol papa Joon has no chill)

he proved that just because you’re coming from a small company, you can still make a name for yourself in the music industry. after all: not the company but your work will affect people.

because of Namjoon bts didn’t stop until they became the first kpop group to win an award, break a voting record with 300 million (!!!) votes but still staying the same humble guys they really are. they proved that a simple group that has an amazing leader at front is capable to do anything. buf ofc all 7 of the boys needed to be a part of this to make it work. y'know TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK❤️

can we also appreciate that RapMon proved his family that they made the right choice that day when they allowed him to be a musician instead of making sure he cares about university and stuff. he proved that his family made the right choice because now everyone knows who bts are and with this he shut every hater’s mouth.

and now comes the most important thing: THANK YOU NAMJOON. Thank you for always talking to us i-fans in english, for teaching the boys english, for translating english speeches to korean so your k-fans can understand you as well and basically for inspiring us. For never giving up on us. For always being there with us. For saving our lives. For taking care of us. For talking to us through your lyrics. For never taking a step back whenever you experience hate, a bad scandal or something tough. Thank you for supporting us, loving us, for empowering us to be stronger, to be more confident. Thank you for telling us not to give up on our dreams, never be affraid to try out something new.

Thank you so much for everything, Kim Namjoon. You saved our lives and you changed our lives. Thank you for being the best leader and taking care of our boys. ARMY LOVES YOU RAP MONSTER❤️

ways the gems could look more like aliens:

  • no eye whites or black pupils…eye whites are instead a darker or lighter shade of w/e color their gem is..some have no pupils. pearl n lapis would look good with this
  • homeworld gems have diamond shaped pupils like the actual diamonds do..the cgs have dif shapes ex garnets are square
  • they dont cry tears..wtf theyre not water based lifeforms…instead their eyes maybe glitch. like how their bodies glitch when theyre cracked. or their tears are of whatever element their gem is linked to…ex rubies cry lil flames, sapphires are water that trail into ice crystals, garnets are lil lightning bolts…pearls are either water or sand…rose quartzes are petals..lapises are big ghibli water tears….OR all gems have like, streaks of light in their color that trail n split down thier face as tears
  • why is gem hair like human hair?? what purpose would it have..they dont need to be warm. gem hair is its own limb(s), they can move their hair freely like tentacles. quartz soldiers have long hair for extra attack. lapises hair is messy bc she just likes fidgeting or w/e. pearl has tiny knives hidden in her hair
  • pearls ribbons are extra limbs. pearls are designed w these so they can multitask, but cg pearl uses them to hold more swords. on top of her ribbon sash she’d have like 3 more ribbons
  • remember how beta lapis melts when shes upset..all dif gems have dif versions of this. garnet gives off lil zaps. ame gets spiky. pearl disintegrates a lil into sand. etc
  • corrupted jaspers skin spikes..all homeworld quartzes have those. amethyst and rose hid theirs to not freak out humans but when theyre emotional or in battle they pop back out
  • noodley limbs like adventure time
  • weird loading/buffing symbols and glitches n zaps n stuff, like when pearl was piloting the ship in jailbreak. more reminders that theyre inorganic and robotlike
  • teeth based on gem cut and shape. quartzes have super spikey crooked fangs like geode crystals. pearls have no fuckin teeth. garnets are blocky. maybe teeth arent white either
  • pointed tongues…or at least no reddish mouths like they have in the sho wtf