45, 17 ( I don't know if sending two of these is allowed though 😊😊 )
You didn’t have to marry me, you know
Look at them, their perfect tans and cold margaritas…assholes
“Get out, I’m trying to take a peek too!” You tried to shout, your voice coming out in a whisper instead. “Gimme the binoculars!” You whined, hitting his left arm with your fist, immediately regretting it the moment you felt the pain cover your knuckles. You’d forgotten you’ve been outside for almost two hours, and that your favourite soldier had a metal arm. That bloody thing almost gave you a 3rd degree burn. “Buck!”
“Look at them, their perfect tans and cold margaritas… Assholes.” He murmured, trying to see through the dense mass of plants that separated the VIP swimming pool area from the other.
“Perfect tanned bodies?” You asked, craning your neck, trying to see something. “Where? Where Buck, I wanna see ‘em!” Bucky took a moment to stare at you with a stern look before smirking and pointing at himself with his free hand.
“You’ve got one right here.”
“Yours is not as good as Tony’s sunkissed abs.” He immediately looked at you again, indignation twisting his features. You took advantage of this brief moment of weakness to snatch the binoculars, letting out a satisfied chuckle when he groaned. “Oh la la, look at them nipples.”
“You’re horrible at wifing, did you know that?”
“You didn’t have to marry me, you know.” You fired back, eyes still focused on what Sam denominated ‘#TeamTony’ after the disastrous volley match that ended up with Bucky visiting the emergency room after sassing T’challa way too much. “I can’t believe Nat stole my favourite bikini!” You shouted with indignation the moment you laid your eyes on the Russian spy. “Why is she wearing it better than me? Dammit.” you kept rambling.
“Beyoncé told me to put a ring on the things I like.” You rolled your eyes as you kept staring.
“Get down from there guys, this is not that bad.” Steve shouted.
“Shut up Rogers, they’re gonna catch us!” You shouted back before looking through the binoculars again. “Tony’s flashing a mirror towards us… Wait, Buck, grab your phone I think he’s using Morse code.” You stretched out your arm and slapped his, cursing as you felt your skin burn again. “Goddammit Barnes I hate your metal arm.”
“That’s not what you say when-”
“P!” You cut him off, making him type on his phone. “O… O… R. Poor.” You frowned. “P… E… A… S… A… N… T… S. Peasants. Motherfucker!” You shouted after taking a minute to process his words, this time loud enough for him to hear. “Bucky he just called us-”
“I know darling, I know.” His fingers brushed your hair. “Keep lookin’ through them, lemme show you something.” He commanded and you complied.
Bucky stretched out his arm and started twisting it side to side.
“Fuck off Barnes!” You two heard Tony roar as he tried to cover his eyes from the intense light flashing straight to his eyes.
A/N: Quite long. The rest of the recruits will be in #2. Enjoy.
Wade has created a chatroom.
Wade has invited you.
Wade: I’ve taken it upon myself to introduce you to these new recruits, well the first 5.
Wade: I even made SHIELD and HYDRA cards… The internet is so helpful. Although, I didn’t pay attention to the heights so ignore that.
Wade: 21. Recruited by Agent @avengingmutant. Now, I know what you’re thinking, that’s Priyanka Chopra? Yes, yes it is. I couldn’t get a picture of her. She wouldn’t stop teleporting everywhere. I will never know what she truly looks like.
Wade: Now, she was recruited by an “Anonymous Agent”… I see you, Sam. Don’t think I don’t know. Let’s see, she can fly, has telekinesis and magic… How is she Sam’s twin again?
Wade: 16. Ah, Jay. Peetie’s SECOND best friend. Recruited by Agent @Jayzaym. Powers include being Dean Winchester’s biggest nightmare. Phasing, invisibility, energy blasts… His superhero name, Ghost, suits him. It’s not as cool as mine however.
Wade: 16. Recruited by an Anonymous Agent, Aka Mr. Stank. It’s not surprising that Tony has a daughter. She has limited control over time, knows your past and, a little bit, of your future and can do a ton of badass things with time, that I don’t know the sciency words for… I wonder if she’s the mother of dragons too.
Wade: 17, but not really. Recruited by an “Anonymous Hydra Agent.” Right, Bucky. A fellow Super Soldier. Who needs to work out when there’s serums that give you instant abs? Also, please note, I was thrown out of a window when she realized I took a pic of her. Donate your Spider-Man merchandise to me.
5 Things (as a college student) That I’ve Actually Done to Get Healthier
No pop (aka soda). Whatever you call it, if you really don’t love it and it won’t affect your life much to stop drinking it then this is a good place to start. I never thought I’d actually do this, but it sorta happened organically. I just drank more water (plus it’s free at restaurants so bonus). Side effects include: burping much more easily. Kinda funny, kinda uncomfy, kinda worth it.
Yogurt instead of ice cream. Okay, I’m not saying quit ice cream all together, that’d be rough for everyone involved. But keep a tub of yogurt in your fridge instead of having ice cream stocked all the time. Hell, add in some chocolate chips to that yogurt, that’s what I do. But save ice cream for those fun times you go out to cute ice cream parlors with your friends (or are desperately craving it at that time of the month). Side effects include: strong bones.
Carry around a water bottle at all times. Or, personally, I use one of those reusable cups with the straws in ‘em. I know it sounds like a pain in the ass– just one more thing you gotta carry around. But at least do it in your house. I drink way more water than I ever have before in my room because that cup is always next to me. Side effects include: more trips to the bathroom than normal.
Do 5 push-ups every night. Add 5 more the next week. And 5 more the week after that. It takes literally thirty seconds, and it’s worth it. I’m up to doing thirty push-ups in a row, which is way more than I could do five weeks ago. Side effects include: impressive looks if people ever find out how many push-ups you can do. **PRO TIP** If you’re into this one, add in a 30 second plank, and add thirty more seconds each week. SEI: being able to sit up without your arms.
Go on walks. I know, it sounds kinda like a waste of time. But, it’s so not? It’s literally one of my favorite things to do. Need a study break? Walk. Need to avoid annoying roomies? Walk. Got a dog? Automatic walking buddy. It can be productive, too. Listen to a podcast. Something you enjoy, or I usually go for NPR so I can stay up to date on news. Go with friends. It can be so relaxing, please try it. Side effects include: walking up steps more easily. Also, exposure to the elements; plan accordingly.
Boyfriends are so much work, you can have mine if I can have pony 😂
Ponies > boyfriends
But I need someone to carry my saddles around
I’m 5'2" I don’t need to be carrying unwieldy shit
gonna get me a cowboy
or idk a tall eventer would be nice
@ Europeans do you have horse guys that aren’t Buck Em Out reining training assholes?? Bc that’s what I’m working with here 😒😒😒we have no horse gays here except for some trail riding older lesbian couples
AN: AHHHHHHHH! You guys make my days 300%+ brighter when you send me messages and stuff about my stories, thank you so much loves! I am glad you liked the past three parts, I hope you enjoy this one just as much! YAY!
I’m, uh, looking at a list of US presidential electoral slogans for reasons and… like…. sorry but I have to share I MEAN LOOK AT THESE GEMS
“Defeat the Washington Machine. Unleash the American Dream.” – used by Rand Paul’s campaign
“Tanned, Rested, Ready."– used by Bobby Jindal’s campaign
"Courageous Conservatives” and “Reigniting the Promise of America” – used by Ted Cruz’s campaign, also “TRUSTED,” “A Time for Truth,” and “Defeat the Washington Cartel”
“Our Best America Yet!” - used by Gary Johnson’s campaign, common but unofficial slogans include “Make America Sane Again” and “Feel the Johnson”
“A Safer World and a More Hopeful America” – George W. Bush presidential campaign (??? SRSLY BUSH??)
“Go Pat Go” - Pat Buchanan
“Down with King George” - Pat Buchanan, in reference to Bush
“Ross for Boss” – H. Ross Perot
“I’m Ross, and you’re the Boss!” – Ross Perot (wtf was the 92 campaign???)
“Where’s the Beef?” – used by Walter Mondale in primaries against Gary Hart
“Not Just Peanuts” – Jimmy Carter
“Acid, Amnesty, and Abortion for All” – 1972 anti-Democratic Party slogan, from a statement made to reporter Bob Novak by Missouri Senator Thomas F. Eagleton (as related in Novak’s 2007 memoir, Prince of Darkness)
“Dick Nixon Before He Dicks You” - Popular anti-Nixon slogan, 1972 (THIS ONE IS PURE POETRY)
“In Your Heart, You Know He’s Right” – 1964 U.S. presidential campaign slogan of Barry Goldwater+ “In Your Guts, You Know He’s Nuts” – 1964 U.S. presidential campaign slogan of Lyndon B. Johnson supporters, answering Goldwater’s slogan
“I’m just wild about Harry” – 1948 U.S. presidential slogan of Harry S. Truman, taken from a 1921 popular song title written by Noble Sissle and Eubie Blake
“No Third Term” – 1940 U.S. presidential campaign slogan of Wendell L. Willkie
“No Fourth Term Either” - Wendell Willkie
“Better A Third Termer than a Third Rater” – 1940 U.S. presidential campaign slogan of Franklin D. Roosevelt (I CANNOT EVEN FDR)
“Make your wet dreams come true.” - Al Smith, referring to his stand in favor of repealing Prohibition.(HONEST THIS IS THE BEST ONE YET BUT COME ON)
“Our choice: Cleve and Steve.” - Grover Cleveland and Adlai Stevenson
“Rum, Romanism and Rebellion” – Republican attack because of supposed Democratic support for consuming alcoholic beverages, Catholic immigrants, and the Confederacy.
“We’ll Buck ‘em in '56” - James Buchanan, playing on “Old Buck”, the nickname associated with his last name. (Also “We Po'ked 'em in '44, we Pierced 'em in '52, and we’ll Buck 'em in '56”. See Franklin Pierce, 1852.)
Emily x Reader One Shot, slight Spencer x Reader, slight Spencer x Reader x Emily
Warning: (Vague-ish) Smut
Word Count: 2131
Prompt: hi! i love your writing and i was wondering if i could request a thing where emily and the reader are “friends w benefits” or something to that effect and spencer walks in on them making out or something at the bau after they think everyone’s gone home and they ask him to join?
A/N: I dedicate this piece to the light of my life, woman of my dreams, and only person I’d allow to hold me at gunpoint - Unit Chief, Emily Prentiss.
Summary: A little after-hours fun…
You knew you were in trouble the moment that citrusy perfume wafted into the break room, even managing to cut through the strong smell of coffee that always lingered in there. Her pace was slow - you could clearly picture her casual saunter even though your back was turned towards the door. If anything, the unhurried pace made your heart race even quicker.
You raised your mug to your lips, jolting slightly as her hands settled onto the curves of your hips. A shiver ran down your spine as she toyed with the hem of your blouse, fingers occasionally slipping underneath the fabric to caress bare skin. You could feel her warm breath against your neck.
“Emily…” Your warning melted into a sigh as her lips brushed against the shell of your ear. She let out a quiet chuckle, relinquishing her hold on you to reach for one of the mugs on the shelf in front of you.
“What? I’m just getting coffee.” Her innocent facade was ruined when she leaned in for a teasing kiss before you could protest. You nipped at her bottom lip as she pulled away, chastising her for interrupting you. She cocked an eyebrow, playful desire filling her eyes.
“We are at work, Agent Prentiss. That means no funny business, especially when someone could walk in at any mo-” You paused at the sound of two sets of approaching footsteps. The two of you quickly rearranged yourselves into a slightly less intimate position just as Rossi and Alvez walked into the room talking about their weekend plans.
“Ladies,” Rossi nodded, “I see you’ve already beat us to the freshly brewed pot of afternoon coffee.” He walked between you and Emily to start his own cup of coffee at the counter. You mumbled a greeting over a sip of your drink.
“So what’s this about weekend plans?” Emily asked, prompting the boys to fall back into their previous conversation. She sent you a smirk, one full of promises that the teasing was far from over.
No, Emily and you weren’t together, at least not in the most conventional sense. The two of you were, for the lack of better words, friends with benefits. Best friends, to be specific, with all the best benefits.
Emily Prentiss had intimidated you to no end when you first joined the BAU two years ago. Not only was she incredibly attractive, but she was a complete badass out in the field. You had initially thought what you felt for the woman was purely admiration for her talents. But the way she brought down the bad guys, guns blazing, ready to kick ass and take names, was honestly the biggest turn on.
You remember the first time you watched in on one of her interrogations. Luke had just as big a presence as Emily had while they were questioning the unsub, but for some reason, the pure energy and control that crackled through your unit chief’s body definitely got you hot under the collar.
If you had gone back to your hotel room that night and fantasized about Emily using that commandeering tone with you in a totally different context… Well, that was no one else’s business but your own.
One night, Emily had come over for a girls night with a bottle of wine and a handful of Marvel movies for you to watch.
Three glasses of wine and one offhand confession that ‘Black Widow is super hot and, hey Em, she kinda reminds me of you’ later, she had pushed you against the couch cushions and started kissing you senseless. As soon as her hand had wandered down to pull the strings of your pajama shorts, you pushed her towards the bedroom for what would be the first of many late night (or any time of day really) affairs.
You were so caught up in thoughts of Emily’s soft touch and talented tongue that you almost missed Luke saying your name.
Your confusion pulled an amused laugh from your handsome colleague.
“I asked if you were staying late to finish up your paperwork, but judging by the way you keep spacing out I think I already have my answer,” he teased.
Prentiss had the audacity to wink at you, clearly knowing exactly where your head had been.
“Yeah, I’ll be staying late, but at least I’ll have Emily to keep me company. She lost a bet and has to help me with paperwork for the next 3 cases.”
“What kind of bet?” Rossi asked curiously.
“Oh, I was just able to beat her at this game we played last week.”
The game had actually been to see who could give the other person the most orgasms in an hour and let’s just say your lockjaw and tired fingers had been worth seeing Emily’s face the last time you pushed her over the edge before she admitted defeat.
“Oh come on, Prentiss, you know Y/N will do whatever it takes to win a bet,” Luke said, shaking his head as he led your little group out of the break room.
“Yeah, don’t I know it.”
You stifled a yelp when her hand snuck up to pinch your butt. You shot her a glare and smacked her hand away before schooling your face into a more neutral expression as you all walked into the BAU bullpen. The rest of the team was already scribbling away at their case reports, unaware of Emily’s bold move.
You settled into your desk across Reid’s, giving him a quick smile before turning to the mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk.
This was going to be a long night…
One by one, your fellow agents bid their farewells until only you, Emily, and Spencer remained.
You reached your arms over your head for a much needed stretch, letting out a satisfied moan as you let your arms fall to your sides. Innocently going back to your paperwork, you didn’t notice the looks you were getting from your remaining colleagues.
Spencer cleared his throat. “Um, I think I’m going to wrap up for the night,” he announced, shuffling his reports into a neat stack at the corner of his desk and collecting his things.
You smiled sleepily at the messy-haired doctor, giving him a small wave. “Bye Spence,” you mumbled. Unconsciously, you found your eyes trailing your coworker as he walked out the door. You had to admit, those grey trousers clung to his backside just right. As soon as he disappeared from sight, there was a light tap on your desk. Emily was looking down at you with a knowing smirk on her face.
“Bye Spence,” she gushed with an over-exaggerated swoon. “I like your ass and wanna ride your face! Oh Spencer!”
“Emily!” you groaned, “That’s lewd!”
“Why’re you suddenly some blushing virgin? Last night you hand your tongue up my -”
You spring into action, jumping out of your seat to seal your lips against hers. You felt her grin against your mouth as she melted into the kiss. She nipped your bottom lip before giving it a soothing lick. “C’mere,” she murmured, pushing your files to clear the edge of your desk and grabbing onto your waist to seat you on top of the table.
“This a fantasy of yours, Unit Chief Prentiss? Fooling around at work?” you whispered huskily, pulling her in between your parted legs. She responded with a trail of kisses down the sensitive skin of your neck. Your eyes fluttered to a close and you let out a quiet moan.
Her fingers toyed with the hem of your skirt before slipping underneath, sending shivers down your spine. A soft brush against the already damp fabric was all it took to elicit a gasp from you. Emily had talented fingers and the fact you were in the middle of your workplace just excited you more. You’d think about this every time you sat down at this desk.
“Fuck, Em…” You bucked against her fingers, eager for more of her touch. You blinked your eyes open and froze as your vision focused.
The two of you were not alone.
Spencer stood frozen at the doorway, wide eyes glued to the sight before him, jaw dropped in surprise. His presence did nothing to deter Emily from her task, her fingers moving against you with more gusto. You couldn’t hold back your moan and you watched as the young doctor’s eyes slowly clouded with a tinge of… lust?
Your eyes shut involuntarily as a familiar warmth began building up in your belly. You were too far gone to care that you were about to cum in front of a coworker that wasn’t your usual bed buddy. With a sudden shift of her fingers, Emily had you crying out in pleasure. You threw your arm out to grab hold of something - anything - to keep you steady.
You were nearly shocked out of your orgasm when your hand came into contact with a warm body that clearly wasn’t Prentiss’.
Your eyes flew open and connected with Spencer’s warm brown ones. He hesitated for only a second before tangling his fingers with yours and crashing his lips against yours. His soft, pillowy lips felt divine and you could feel your head spinning from the sensory overload your fellow FBI agents were giving you. He pulled away just as you were coming down from your high. Emily traced small circles onto the skin of your inner thigh soothingly.
You were in too much of a delirious pleasure to even react.
“Y/N… Y/N… Y/N, wake up!”
You jolted awake.
Spencer and Emily were standing in front of your desk, the former gazing with concern and the latter smirking all too smugly.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Have a good nap?” Emily asked teasingly.
Nap? You looked blearily at the red numbers on the digital clock on your desk, the time a full hour ahead of when you last remember checking. The office was devoid of any people other that Emily and Spencer. After rubbing the sleep from your eyes you felt a light touch on your shoulder. Spencer absentmindedly brushed back hair from your face, face still full of concern.
“Are you okay, Y/N? You were groaning a lot and fidgeting around… It sounded like you were having a bad dream.”
You used all the power within you to keep a blush from rising to your cheeks. Damn, that whole thing with the desk… and Emily… and Spencer… It had all been a dream.
“Oh, I don’t think her dream was all that bad, Spence,” Emily said slyly.
You rose, hastily shifting your papers into some semblance of order. “Um, I don’t even remember my dream, haha… We - We should all pack up and go; it’s pretty late,” you muttered, avoiding eye contact with the two stars of a dream you would definitely remember for a very long time.
Spencer lifted his already packed messenger bag over his shoulder and offered you a soft smile. “Well, if you’re sure you’re okay I guess I’ll head out now. Good night, guys,” he said before walking out the BAU doors.
You sighed as soon as he walked out of the room, bringing your hands up to your face wearily.
“So, Agent Y/L/N…” You spun around at the sound of Emily’s suddenly sultry tone, backing into the desk as she approached. “Wanna tell me what that dream was?” Her fingers teased the edge of your skirt and you couldn’t help but compare this to the direction your imagination had taken as you slept. As her touch snaked upwards you let out an airy chuckle and scooted so you were firmly seated atop your desk. All you need was a certain messy-haired colleague to come back
“Keep doing what you’re doing and maybe in a few minutes it’ll be a dream come true.”
Hello there! I took a bit of a hiatus but I’m slowly coming back to writing. Hope you enjoyed! Please leave any comments, kudos, critiques, or requests!