BREAKING NEWS Sources say that following lengthy negotiations, around midnight this morning, November 1, 2014, the Skeleton Army reached a tentative treaty with the Fuckboys, putting an end to the Skeleton War that has ravaged the world for the past 31 days. Fuckboy General Trevor Bruhman told reporters that the Coalition of Righteous Players agreed to surrender to the Skeletons because, “Everybody was starting to feel this, like, was getting kind of lame, and we just thought, you know, we’d rather be watching football and fist bumping than doing mortal combat with bone soldiers." Fuckboy Secretary of Defense Chad Stubbly added, "We were losing morale pretty quick ‘cause there weren’t any fine-ass ladies to be courted on the battlefield. Plus we were running out of funds to buy Coors Light and Doritos to fuel our troops, and I mean, it’ll take a while to convince our moms to give us more loans.”
When contacted for comment, the High Skeleton Lord said of the uneasy truce, “SKREEEEEEEEEEE!!!" His second in command, the fierce warrior Femera Humerus, famed for her ability to strike fear into the hearts of her foes simply by playing two notes on the trumpet, further noted, "AAAGHUGHUGHEEEEEE!" Interpreters have told our sources that while the Skeletons have agreed to cease their attacks, which top Fuckboys have characterized as "men’s rights violations,” for the time being, they have explicitly reserved the privilege to continue their attempts to take down the figurehead leader of their opposition, Justin “King Swagulous I” Bieber.
Political analysts on hand for the treaty negotiations last night indicated that while this most recent outbreak of violence between the Skeleton Army and the Fuckboys has come to a conclusion, so long as the Fuckboys continue to be useless misogynists who wear socks with sandals, there is always the chance that Skeletons will rise from their graves to do battle with them.
“It’s a vicious cycle of screaming skulls versus Axe body spray,” said leading skelhistorian Vernella Truefax, “and it’s going to happen again." When asked how long she estimated peace would last, she added, "Probably until next October.”