bruce as mac

Mac opened the apartment door. It was lonely since Dennis moved to North Dakota to be a dad. Dennis didn’t even have a kid, how could he be a dad? Mac didn’t understand him. He was shocked when he saw Dennis’s birth father in the door way. “B-Bruce.” Mac swallowed his mouthful of spit. Too much spit. He wiped the sweat from his forehead.

“Hey Ronald.” Bruce responded.

Mac felt his dick get hard. He felt a his ass sweat. He was sweating too much. “Don’t call me that.” He blushed. His face was red and hot. Suddenly he burped fire on Bruce’s face.

Bruce melted to a puddle in the doorway. Mac screamed. He was carrying Bruce child. Suddenly the baby fell out of his ass and cried seeing his father just being a puddle on the ground. Mac cried as well. Suddenly the baby was a man. Thee baby was Dennis. Mac was so the baby now. He melted into a puddle to match Bruce. Dennis melted as well.

We are all puddles.

McDonalds

Bruce: Big Mac/ Diet Cola
Dick: Happy meal/ Chicken nuggets/ Strawberry Milkshake
Jason: Cheese Burger/ Vanilla Milkshake
Tim: Chicken burger/ Cola
Damian: Shaker side salad/ Pepsi
Kate: Chicken Legend/ Espresso
Stephanie: Filet-O-Fish/ Hot Chocolate
Cassandra: Beef Burger/ Latte
Duke: BBQ/ Mocha
Harper: Mayo Chicken/Fanta

Barbara: Spicy Mayo burger/ Frappe-chino
Classic rock quotes for the signs

Aries

Bruce Springsteen, Dancing in the dark.

You can’t start a fire without a spark,
this gun’s for hire,
even if we’re just dancing in the dark.


Taurus

Guns ‘n Roses, November rain.

So never mind the darkness
We still find a way.
Cause nothing lasts forever
Even cold November rain.


Gemini

Eagles, Desperado.

Freedom, well that’s someone talking,
your prison is walking all through life alone.


Cancer

Steve Nicks & Don Henley, Leather & Lace

I have my own life
and I am stronger than you know.
But I carry this feeling,
when you walk in my house,
that you won’t be walking out the door.


Leo

Fleetwood Mac, Silver Springs

Time casts a spell on you,
but you won’t forget me.
I could’ve loved you,
but you wouldn’t let me.


Virgo

Eagles, Tequila sunrise.

It’s just another tequila sunrise,
this old world still looks the same.


Libra

Skid Row, I remember you.

Remember walking hand in hand.
Love letters in the sand.
I remember you.
Through sleepless nights, though every endless day.
I wanna hear you say, I remember you.


Scorpio

Pink Floyd, Wish you were here.

So you think you can tell heaven from hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail, a smile from a veil?


Sagittarius

Steppenwolf, Born to be wild.

Get your motor running.
Head out on the highway.
Looking for adventure in whatever comes my way.


Capricorn

Aerosmith, What it takes.

Tell me how it is that you can sleep at night without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life,
to the toss of a dice.


Aquarius

Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Crimson and Clover

Ah. Now I don’t hardly know her.
But I think I could love her.
Crimson and clover.
Over and over.


Pisces

Kansas, Carry on my wayward son.

Once I rose above the noise and confusion. Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion. I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high.

imagine tim getting so bothered by people’s technology choices like “CONNER WHAT IS THAT THING IN YOUR HAND YOU’RE PRETENDING IS A PHONE” and “dick you know you can take that machine and just *fill in with two-hour long technobabble*” to which dick is just like “yeah sure timmy you’ll have to do that for me someday” but the worst one is

“BRUCE PLEASE YOU ARE A MILLIONAIRE YOU CAN AFFORD A NEW COMPUTER UGH THIS IS THE 21ST CENTURY”

Mystic Mac: Bruce Lee 2.0

Since the last post I wrote seemed to generate a lot of interest, I’ve decided that I might as well buckle down and write part two. Before I get started, I want to establish one thing: This is not about who Conor McGregor is as a human being, how he sells himself, or how I feel about him as a person. This is about his technical abilities plain and simple.

To put it bluntly, Conor McGregor is most likely one of, the best fighters of our time. He truly embodies Bruce Lee’s philosophy of being like water and having a style of no style (which is kind of funny given the fact that SBGi was founded by JKD guy Matt Thornton). He throws hands like a boxer, stands and moves like a karateka, and kicks like capoeirista. His style is personal, unique, and seems to by hyper aware as to what his physical attributes are (namely his really long arms).  This alone could easily be enough to carry him to an elite level, but his style is not what makes him truly dangerous. His most powerful weapon is not his technique, but his mind. This only became readily apparent during his last two fights, as most of his previous opponents (and most MMA fighters) basically fight the same. While it was clear that McGregor was intelligent based on his shit talking ability, Chael Sonnen and Jon Jones have shown us that normal IQ and fight IQ are not all that closely linked.

Conor McGregor is a mentally perfect fighter. That is his secret. He is perfectly focused. He is perfectly calm. For him, fighting no different from going for a walk or mowing the lawn. Aside from the fact that he is obsessed. Not only with his own skills and movement, but his opponents. I would be willing to bet that every time he has a fight booked, he watches every single fight that said opponent has had not less than 20 times. He goes over each one, in order, looking for patterns and exploitable flaws. Once he finds what he needs he builds an intricate gameplan. And than he goes out an executes it flawlessly. Nowhere was this more apparent than in his fight with Chad Mendes. Before that fight (and on fairly short notice) he worked out that he could out strike Mendes, that Mendes could be lured into a stand-up fight (being a standard wrestler-turned-powerpuncher), and that he lacked the necessary skills to  wrestle with Mendes or sub him from the bottom. 

McGregor’s plan was relatively simple: he lured Mendez into striking exchanges my allowing him to land just enough to not shoot until late in the first round. As long was the fight was standing he went to the body constantly with spinning back kicks and front kicks. When Mendes did finally take him down, he stuck with closed guard and worked to tie Mendes up and limit damage rather than go for sweeps or submissions. Most of the action that happened on the ground took place in round 2, and while McGregor did take something of a beating he was never in danger of being finished. He spends all of his time on his back laughing and mocking Mendes. Eventually Mendes goes for a mounted guillotine choke and once again McGregor’s preperation comes into play as he smoothly rolls out using a technique that the UFC embedded footage showed him drilling a lot. He was ready for this. At this point Mendes is exhausted from the body kicks and four minutes of flailing around in McGregor’s guard. Mendes tries to shoot last time, fails, and with seconds left on the clock McGregor backs him into the fence and lands the same straight left from the same angle that put out Brandao and Siver. 

Finally, the Aldo fight. If McGregor’s fight with Mendes was a masterclass on how to game plan against someone that you should be weak against on short notice, his fight with Aldo was a demonstration of just how good he is at working out where people are weak. He said he would end it in the first exchange, and he did. And before anyone calls that lucky, watch this:

He knew. McGregor is not just incredibly athletic and creative. He has a previously unheard of analytical skill when it comes to breaking down other fighters. And that is what makes him special above all else.

In summery: McGregor’s true superpower is his ability to gameplan and we just didn’t see it until recently because (as I said in my last write-up) a lot of MMA fighters kinda fight the same. Up next: some creative strikers that pushed the edges of what people thought could work in MMA in the past that just didn’t quite put it all together.