bruce!!!!!

*Justice League Conference Room*

Clark: Alright, now that we have finished up those few items, I have one last thing on the agenda. We received a video resume from a young man with an interest in joining the league.

Ollie: We accept video resumes?

Clark: Not generally, but because he has trained with and worked alongside Batman, I figured we could make an exception.

Bruce: *Stoic silence*

*Video begins to play*

Jason: *In Bruce’s hot tub with his helmet on and a large Margarita in hand* Hi there, my name is Jason Todd. And I’m here to tell you why I would make an amazing addition to the Justice League…

*Five minutes later*

Diana: What does he mean by his fighting style is… “Arya Stark with guns”?

Bruce: *Groans*

Mattress surfing

Okay so in Princess Diaries 2, Mia goes mattress surfing down the staircase, well im pretty sure the batfamily would do that. Like c'mon they got to have a giant staircase in the manor.
-It would be a day Alfred is out so they won’t get in trouble.
-Stephanie saw the movie and had been dying to do it so she recommended it.
- There are plenty of mattresses anyways.
- Dick going into a handstand once while on it. Another time he did a flip onto to it.
- Damian actually smiled. He might call it stupid but boy did he enjoy it.
- Harper goes down with Cass the first time and then tries to figure out how to make it go faster.
- Tim being the one who falls off the mattress half way down the stairs.
- Jason getting a running start then hopping on.
- While waiting his turn, Duke has his Snapchat going as everyone goes down the staircase. He also figures the easiest way to carry the mattress.
-Barbara is pumped. She’s secretly been wanting to do this. Totally cuts Dick in line. Oldest first right.
- Cass is a natural. Never falling down once.
- Bruce coming home and stares at all of them and just walks away. Nothing new to him.

To keep track of Damian, Bruce embedded 4 tiny tracking chips into his Robin uniform. Of course, Damian promptly found and removed them all within a month. He then preceded to surgically plant them within Alfred T. Cat, Titus, Batcow, and Jerry T. Turkey. But what Damian doesn’t know is that Bruce actually planted a 5th chip underneath Damians skin, during the first time that Alfred had to sew a knife wound closed. Like Father, Like Son.

@kid-apocalypse

ghost-with-spaghetti-arms  asked:

"I can choke the life out of you, you know?" "Darling, you need to climb a ladder to reach my neck" With Bruce Wayne, please❤️

“That’s it, I’m filing for divorce. I quit.”

Bruce lets out a deep laugh, and he reaches for you immediately, pulling you closer when you try to push away.

“You’re going to quit being my wife?” He asks, raising his eyebrow as you glare at him.

“Yes, I am,” you respond, sitting up and crossing your arms. “And I’ll get custody of Alfred, and you’ll only get to see the boys on weekends. It’s not my fault you’re ridiculously tall.”

He leans up and kisses you, then, hands sliding to your hips and squeezing softly. When he pulls away, he smiles as you finally settle your weight into his arms once more.

“I’m sorry I like picking on you for being short,” he murmurs, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of your lips. “And I’m also sorry you take out your internalized shortness on everybody else.”

“I’m going to run you over with the Batmobile, Bruce Wayne.”