LI-TER-FUCKIN-LY ! Y’all this man responded, “Lol”.
Now, this is where a lot of sugar babies make an mistake. They allow this mans mockery of how much it cost to support their needs/wants sting, they allow themselves to become vulnerable to manipulative and cheap men…
I simply explained to him in the most polite and bitchy tone ever (because ladies sometimes sugar may just in look like salt), “The outfits that you so politely complimented and admired, the makeup, the hair, nails, smooth legs, they all cost. So to maintain your desired image and my lifestyle that you wish to be included in (since you messaged me) you have to support me. In exchange for your support, I shower you in attention, affection, make men envious of you, and offer you an introduction to a diverse culture. I thought that was the kind of man you were, and the interest you had in mind. However I apologize that you cant afford me and my lifestyle and I wish you the best of luck!
See what I did there, “your desired image, make men envious of you, thought that was the kind of man you were, you cant afford me”. Subliminally bruising his ego. Sooo just to try and prove how much of a man he is, now he’ll be competitive, hungry to try prove me wrong. Which he was and immediately he began to retract his statement, and accept my offers. :) people just really want what they cant have…well cant afford.
& since he was acting all funnyI will neeed my cash in hand before anythannnng.
This, ladies, is why you shouldn’t lowball yourselves
As an introvert, I did get off the sugaring sites, but it took me quite a while to get off the internet. I used Tinder to find the three gift daddies that I had. Last month, I went free styling for the first time.
There is a general horror around free styling that, trust me, I understand. If I didn’t have to leave my house, I wouldn’t. But I realized a few things. The sugar sites are not set up for you to succeed. We, as sugar babies, are the draw that is used to attract men with money and unrealistic dreams.
Do you want to have the perfect relationship? A young, beautiful, smart woman who will hang off your every word and, unlike escorts, will be with you and you alone for a fraction of the price that escorts are demanding? Sign up for a membership with our site at the low price of $39.99/month and become a sugar daddy tonight!
While this might not be the exact language the sites are using, I guarantee if you go on any of the sugar sites you will see something similar being touted to men. I also promise that the men that have the real potential to be amazing sugar daddies and give you things you didn’t believe that you could get aren’t on these sites.
And, honey, maybe you haven’t noticed but online dating-sugar or vanilla- is not set up for black women to succeed. I’ll say it once more. You’re far more likely to find the man you’re looking for when you let go of the sugar sites. So what happens next? Next, you change your mindset. There is one thing that needs adjustment, your attitude, in two different areas. The first is what a sugar daddy looks like. Maybe you don’t have this problem. But I do. I tend to find myself thinking that sugar daddies look a certain way. They’re white and in their 40’s-50’s. Most of them are married. But this isn’t what sugar daddies look like. They can be any age. They can be any race. They can be anywhere. When it’s time to free style, don’t think that if a Black man, an Asian man, a Martian, whatever, approaches you that because they don’t fit in with the idea of what you think an SD looks like you can’t pay any attention to them.
There will be three types of men that you’ll meet when you go out: cheap men that would like your time and attention for free, men that will simply ask how much you want or make it known that they have no problem paying you, and men that are willing to spend money on you but need some type of connection with you first. Ugh, connection. Don’t you hate that word? Men should just hand us money because we asked for it right? We’re young, we’re beautiful, we’re smart. Just fork over the coins.
But consider this. How often do you give money to complete strangers because they asked for it? How often have you walked up to an attractive or interesting looking person with $5 that you know you don’t need and said: “here this is for you just because you look cool or like you needed a little help”? Never right? If we were a society where that was the norm homelessness would not be an issue. No, we give our money to people we like, to people that have bettered our lives in some way, to people we trust. But, still. That word-connection. Months and months of dates. Maybe even putting out. That must be what I mean, right? Nope. Not what I mean at all. A connection can be made in 15 minutes or 15 months. It really just depends on how well your personality meshes with his.
How do you tell these men apart? Let’s build a scenario, shall we? Let’s say you meet a man at a bar. You each talk a bit about who you are and what you do for a living. His job sounds promising. You don’t know exactly how much he makes but when you google it in the bathroom after touching up your lipstick you see that it’s an acceptable amount. He buys you a drink to continue the conversation you’ve already started, but when the night ends, he doesn’t pick up the tab you had started before he sat down. Splenda! Salt! That’s what Tumblr will tell you. I say wait. You spend some time texting. He says he wants to take you out. This is when we find out what kind of man he is by analyzing a few things:
Where does he want to meet? TGIFridays or one of the best restaurants/bars in the city. Look at where he wants to take you and why. If he asks you where you want to eat and then shoots it down because it’s overpriced or “just not his scene” you have two options: dig your heels in or run. My first meeting with Bentley took some time to plan because he shot down the restaurants that I chose as not being good enough for a first date. It was a good first sign.
How and what do they order? We know what a man who doesn’t want to spend a lot of money looks like when he orders at a restaurant or bar. He asks if there are any discounts or deals. Asks what’s the best and cheapest drink or food item on the menu. Makes “jokes” about how expensive everything is.
How do they look when you order? A man that asks if you want anything else after you’ve decided what you want is a keeper. A man that asks what you want scans the menu and then asks if you’re sure you want those things or if you’d be happy with something cheaper presents you with two options: to dig your heels in or run.
What are they talking to you about? A man that talks about sex as soon as he meets you only wants you for one thing and it ain’t playing cards. Now, if he’s willing to compensate you for that time in a way that you find acceptable, fine. Get your money girl. If you want a man that cares about you as an individual but he can’t stop talking about how well he’s doing on Viagra, you have two options. Dig in or run. I suggest you run, but this is your life, not mine
When the date is over, look at this man’s behavior. You’ll know if he’s the type of man that you can keep in your life. If he isn’t, let him go. LET HIM GO! Don’t, please friend, don’t hang on to a man because you don’t think that you’ll be able to get another. This game isn’t for the desperate that need quick cash because their life is falling apart. This is going to take time. You’ll find yourself getting dressed up and going out quite a few times before you find a man that you’re willing to stick with. If you understand this from the beginning, that reaching any goal is going to take time, you’ll be far less likely to fail.
You do have one thing on your side. Men know that it is their responsibility to take care of the women in their lives. Vanilla men know this. They know. I’m going to say it one more time, best friend so it really sinks in. All men know that it is their responsibility to take care of the women in their lives. What’s more, they know that the younger and better looking a woman is, the more they will have to spend. Your job is not to convince a man to spend money on you. He already knows he should. Your job is to separate the men willing to spend from the men not willing to spend by opening up your mouth and talking about what you want. Talk about college and the class that you’re going to be taking, but god isn’t it crazy how expensive books are? Talk about how much you love to write, but your laptop broke. Talk about how you want to get into digital photography but don’t know what camera to get or if you can afford to buy one. Give it a couple weeks. The right man will show up with a laptop, or an iPad, or a book, or a camera or whatever it is you say you need. The wrong man won’t have made it past the first date.
Happy hunting, best friend.
Best friend, be honest, what did you think? Do you think you could ever get off the sugar sites? Go free styling? Do you think my approach makes any sense or is something that could work for you? Leave me a comment and let me know so we can talk about it.
One of the greatest perks of being a sugar baby is the fact that we get to see all of these amazing sights all over the world! So to help some ladies out who might be preparing for an upcoming trip, or hopefuls who just want to be prepared, here are some tips that I have picked up here and there when I am about to travel to a new place for a vacation.
Whether you are staying in the same room with your SD, or having one of your own self care is very needed.
Depending on how long your upcoming adventure is, a little trip to get a wax might be suggested. Whether it’s to tame the kitty, or just to have legs smoother than a baby’s bottom, getting a wax is one less daily hassle to worry about when looking your best.
Nails, and hair should be tended to also for a fully polished look. Look at the expected weather during the days of your trip so that you can plan your hair accordingly and don’t end up spending bucks on a beautiful blowout that ends up getting rained out the first night you’re there.
Drink plenty of water every day for at least 10 days before your trip for clearer skin.
MOISTURIZE! for at least week
When spending more than two nights, I highly suggest checking a bag. This allows you to have space for gifts and goodies acquired from a shopping trip.
Look up the weather for the days you are expecting to be there so that you can get a feel of the clothes to pack for the trip, and cross that with your itinerary plans for the trip.
Pack two and a half outfits per day, to cover any surprise spills or last minute changes. These extra pieces should be versatile shirts and bottoms that can be used with most of your other pieces.
Have at least one pair of heels, and a casual walking shoe.
For longer trips add a statement shoe that will pop against any basic outfit (LBD anyone?), a pair of flats and some snazzy sandals so that all shoes can match with at least one outfit, preferably two outfits
Personally I like having a carry on, and a backpack/purse
In your carry on…
Pack a few basics, like clean underwear, a t-shirt and a pair of bottoms. Baggage gets lost sometime, and at least if yours were to get lost, then you at least have a backup outfit to bide some time.
Make sure all liquids are under the relegated 3 fl oz limit to save yourself the time at TSA.
If you’re traveling on a flight for more than three hours, keep the flashy outfit towards the top of your carry on so that either before you land, or once you do you can quickly make your way to the bathroom to freshen up into a sexier outfit for daddy.
A printed copy of your boarding pass
Keep things you won’t need over the trip (like house keys) kept away in a zipped pocket away from hand traffic so you don’t misplace them over the duration of the trip.
In your purse…
Keep things that are small and more than likely needed over the course of the trip…
A few small ziplock bags
Passport/ government ID
A magazine/ reading pleasure
Empty reusable water bottle
And anything else small and important
Getting through security
Personally I think the hardest part about travelling is getting through security
Keep your outfit to something simple and comfortable. Stay away from things that a bejeweled, shoes that are hard to get out of and excessive amounts of jewelry.
Wear sliders or simple zip boots, and
Ie) My outfit of choice is always leggings, a long basic tunic, and ankle boots that slide on and off.
Keep your jewelry in one of the ziplock bags in your purse until after you pass TSA.
You’re going to be without shoes for a while, so I always have spare socks in my purse, because the thought of my feet touching the airport floor irks me to high levels.
Carry an empty reusable water bottle so that you are able to save yourself from getting robbed for $5 water at the airport.
Make sure it is empty so that you do not get pulled aside at TSA
Headphones with some music playing to keep you in the zone, but not too loud so you can stay updated as the lines move, and for whatever updates come from the officers are over the speakers.
Once you’ve past security it is smooth sailing from there. Check in with the important people, grab a bite to eat, if you’re above age find a bar and stay near your gate until it is time for your to board for your adventure.
Hope you enjoyed my tips! What are your sugar travel tips?
do not date guys that can’t compliment your lifestyle.
If your like me prefer the finer things in life, vacations, splurging whenever I feel and anything fabulous. Why date a guy who is the complete opposite? Someone who would make you feel guilty about the way you live or even try to change you completely? Don’t get me wrong opposites do attract but does it last? How much are you willing to put up with, is something you should ask yourself. Are you wiling to give up and change what makes you happy to make someone else happy….
I cut a lot of toxic people out of my life last year, including family and friends that I’ve known forever and now I’m at a point where I don’t really have any friends. I’m not gonna lie, it was very hard to do. But once I learned how to spend time with myself and actually have fun, I appreciated the process, this took me a couple of days to make, so I hope you guys really enjoy this!
Heres 100 ways to have fun without having any friends:
Treat yourself to a full body massage every month
Go ice skating or learn to ice skate at your local ice skating ring
Regularly get your nails done or do them yourself
Go to a concert to one of your favorite artists or as many as you can
Get dressed up and visit a museum or art gala that you’ve never been to
Treat yourself to a facial or do one yourself at home
Binge on Netlfix while snacking on some delicious sushi and wine
Go to a bookstore, find yourself a comfortable spot, and read a book, or journal your thoughts
Take your bike for a ride around the area while blasting some of your favorite music
Pack a basket with some drinks and sandwiches and have a picnic at the park
Learn a new language, you can teach yourself or attend clubs for people that are also trying to learn
Style your hair, do your makeup, and take a bunch of selfies for the gram
Go to a lantern festival
Take a trip somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit
Learn to play a new instrument
Enroll in a gym class that interests you
Follow local food guides on Instagram and try out different foods at the places they recommend
Get a new piercing
Get your dream tattoo
Go to the gun range
Purchase a DNA ancestry kit and learn more about what makes you who you are
Attend as many plays as you can
Volunteer in something that you’re passionate about
Go swimming or learn how to swim
Take yourself out to the movies
Write and publish a book
Buy yourself a new summer dress or bikini and wear it to the beach
Tackle your fear of heights and go sky diving
Visit a cat cafe or animal shelter
Learn how to make a new recipe
Take aerial silk classes
Take ballet lessons
Redecorate your bedroom or apartment
Set the mood, light up candles in your room, dim the lights, and try out new sex toys
Get your hair done or buy a cute wig that you’ve always wanted
Attend a convention
Attend a Paint and Sip class, you get to paint art and drink at the same time
Explore local spots in your city as if you were a tourist
Take up martial art classes
Go to the arcade
Play video games
Visit an aquarium
Watch the sunset or sunrise
Binge watch Korean dramas
Buy yourself some chocolate and flowers because why not
Create your own makeup
Go on a hike
Go to a music festival
Train and run a marathon
Go on a local yacht cruise
Visit pop up shops and bazaars
Go horseback riding or learn how to ride a horse
Go to the zoo
Go surfing or learn how to surf
Ride a plane around your city
Adopt a pet
Buy new toys for your pet and play with them some more
Take a pole dancing class
Attend a TED talk
Purchase lingerie and pose for yourself in the mirror
Go roller skating or learn how to roller skate
Have a photoshoot by yourself or hire someone to do a photoshoot for you
Attend a fashion show
Attend a circus
If you’re into spooky stuff, go to a paranormal tour and dinner adventure
Go to a sports game
Attend a comedy show
Take part in murder mystery dinners
Crash a wedding
Go the farmers market
Tackle a puzzle
Go the drive in theatre
Create new clothes out of your old ones or transform ones from the thrift store
Go sledding or learn how to sled
Play mini golf
Go indoor skydiving
Go snorkeling or learn how to snorkle
Try Go Kart Racing
Create YouTube videos
Go to a rodeo
Place a bet at a horse racing event
Start your own blog and make extra cash from it
Go on a drive through wild safari
Play an extra in a film
Go skiing or learn how to skii
Attend a book signing event of one of your favorite authors
Since the sugar bowl has become so public its become saturated
with salts!! That’s why I do my sugar dating the OLD FASHIONED WAY. THE ART OF
FINESSE IS WHAT YOU MUST HAVE NATURALLY IN ORDER TO GET A REAL SUGAR DADDY WHO
DOESN’T TREAT YOU LIKE A FUCK AND PAY SITUATION.
The woman of previous generations did not have websites specifically
for “arrangements” they created their own arrangements with what they had.
Every wealthy man I’ve dated has been someone who truly saw me as A GIRLFRIEND!
LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN, EVERY WEALTHY MAN I’ve DATED has been SOMEONE WHO TRULY
saw me as a GIRLFRIEND. You have to gain a man’s trust to get into his pockets,
its hard to get into the pockets of a thirsty older man making $50,000 a year
who thinks he can go on a website for “sugarbabies” and find a young 21 year
old who is willing to do THE MOST for $500 a week. I will say there really are great
SDs on SA and MM , but a majority are pure SALT.
I usually meet SDs out and
about in the real world, but I have met some awesome men online and THEY HAVE
NOT BEEN ON SD SITES. What I do is meet on regular dating sites, sites where
members have to pay. I then only respond to messages of paying members and
screen them ( check bio, occupation, etc). Through conversation I ask questions
about their finances in an innocent way find out things like “do they live in a
house?, what is their job title?, do they have kids?, are they divorced/
married? What do they do for fun? Where do they like to shop?. Once convo goes
well I then test them by telling them to take me to a restaurant I know is
EXPENSIVE ( If you do this MAKE SURE you have ENOUGH money in your pocket to
pay for your meal if things go left, which more than likely they won’t :) ).
Go to the date looking expensive! Girl even if you don’t have a Louis or Chanel
Bag right now you can buy a REALLY good fake from many websites and Instagram accounts.
Fake it until you make it and it TAKES
MONEY TO MAKE MONEY is my motto! You
must look look like you are used to expensive things, its all psychology. This
man will be willing to do what you say and get what you want because he wants
to SLEEP with you! The PUSSY is power and older men on regular dating sites with
A LOT OF MONEY to burn will be like puddy in your hands if you FINESSE the
right way. Ive gotten trips and money from men for months that never even saw
me in person, you don’t have to SLEEP with these men to get what you want. You
should only be giving your body to someone when you are comfortable in doing so
not because you feel forced cuz this guy gave you $500 and you two have an “arrangement—-that’s
rubbish. You can also have a great
connection with this person and learn A LOT from the.
Bottom line: If you’re in the bowl and you’re getting a bunch of salt you need to A. learn to finesse and B. let go of those “ sugar dating” sites they are truly for amateurs : no shade
Free Styling 101: Unexpected Suggestions for Where You Should Go and How You Should Dress if You’ve Never Free Styled Before
We’ve done it, best friend. We have agreed that free styling is the way to go. But if you are anything like me, you’ve known that there was a good argument to free style. You’ve read the posts that say to put on the best clothes you have and to just go out there and do it. Men will knock you over if you just dress up and go to the best bar in town. If you’re anything like me, you read each of those posts and then hopped right back on SA after rolling your eyes. Go free style they say. But there has to be so much more to it right?
There isn’t. Now, wait a minute. Don’t roll your eyes at me. I don’t like those posts that feel like they’re just trying to throw us to the wolves, but there are some things that they got right. The most important one?
To learn how to do anything, you’ve got to get out there and do it.
Duh. Simple but challenging advice. I’m going to suggest that you free style in a new way. But before we address the new way of doing things, let’s address the problem. Why don’t we free style?
I think the problem can be answered with one simple phrase: fear of the unknown. That’s silly. One of two things will happen. You’ll meet someone and exchange numbers or you won’t. But let’s get specific. I think we always wonder where we should go, what we should wear, and how we should act.
Where should you go the first time you free style? Some place you’re already familiar with.
Go where you’re comfortable. I don’t care if it’s a local dive bar or college hang out or it’s TGIFridays. Actually, I’d love it if you did go to the TGIFridays in the sort of suburban kind of affluent part of your city. The most interesting people hang out there.
Why should you go to a familiar place? Because then you won’t have to stress about what to wear, who will be there, what you should order, how you should behave. You’ve been to this place dozens of times. There’s nothing to think about. Nothing to be nervous about. You can go in with confidence.
What should you wear? Well, that’s the beauty of starting in your comfort zone.
What do you usually wear to this place? I don’t care what you wear as long as it’s not ratty sweats and a tee, but even that’s a lie. You can make ratty sweats and a tee super cute with the right accessories. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I leave the house in them. The most important things are your hair and makeup. But Shea, I’m not good at doing my hair or makeup, you say. Well, best friend, that’s why the ancestors helped us create YouTube. The trick is to master the basics. Learn how to apply foundation, put on blush, and maybe some lipstick if you’re feeling fancy. Learn a 20-minute hairstyle that you can’t possibly mess up. The less you do, the less likely you are to look crazy.
Unless he’s chocolate wasted or belligerent, you talk to him. He’ll say something to start the conversation. You’ll say something back to keep it going (can’t think of anything to say? check this out) and a conversation will begin. Do you need to be attracted to him? Does he need to be rich? Does he need to be SD potential? No. No. And no. This is target practice best friend. We are not at all invested in whether you meet your SD in a dive bar. In fact, we are already positive that it won’t happen. The point is to sharpen your skills, to get you used to going out with the sole intention of attracting and maintaining the attention of men for as long as you desire. If he approaches, talk to him. You’ll find out what he does for a living. He’ll discover the same about you. Blahblahblah. You get ready to leave. You give the man your sugar phone number.
Then you text him. For a week. Some of you have started pouting. Best friend, I’m sorry. I know some Tumblr blog told you that you’re supposed to be making money on every date you go on every single time you leave your house. I used to think that too, pumpkin. I want you to leave that idea alone. I want you to remember that you’ve had training for every job you’ve ever done and it’s the reason why you could do that job with confidence. This is training. You have one week to get this man to ask you to dinner at a restaurant that you find acceptable given his income (which you should have googled. He did give you his occupation). If you can’t accomplish that, dump him and get back in the bars and find another victim to practice on. If he does agree to dinner in an appropriate location, remember that post on figuring out if he’s cheap? Time to practice that too. At the end of the date, you should know if he’s a cheap or not.
What do you do with them when the date is over? That’s up to you. If you like him but still want to sugar you have two options. Keep dating him but don’t let it get so pressing that you lose sight of your sugaring goals. Or you can dump him and move on to the next victim (if you get caught up in love and relationships and feelings easily then this is how you want to go). Tell him you had an amazing time but you don’t think the two of you are the best fit for each other. Done. On to the next.
What do you do if no one approaches you?
This may happen. The first time I free styled I sat at the bar and realized it was couples night. Great. I had two options. I could wallow in my sorrows, and my gin and tonic or I could pick my ass up and go somewhere else. I chose option two and met a very nice man whose family owned a local snack company. But there’s a chance that you’ll go to location two and no one will talk to you there either. There’s a chance. So you go home, and you restrategize. You figure out if it was you. Were you on your phone all night avoiding eye contact? Did you make eye contact and then quickly drop it thinking this made you look coy and cute (it doesn’t. if you make eye contact hold it for at least five seconds before looking away)? You figure out if it was the location or just an off night. These will happen. You’ll have a lot of them. I hope you have a lot of them. They will be how you learn. They will show you how badly you want this life or if you want it at all. I hope no one approaches you at first. If you give up at the first obstacle, you don’t deserve to win. It sounds mean, best friend, I know. But failure has been my best teacher. It has shown me what I really want and what I really like to talk about. Besides, this is just training remember? We didn’t expect to meet our future SD in TGIFridays.
Best friend, what do you think? Is this a free styling plan that you can get behind until you build your confidence or have I lost my natural mind? Tell me your thoughts and your plans. Let’s talk!
What You Couldn’t, Shouldn’t, and Don’t Need to Know Before Becoming a Sugar Baby...(and What You Do Need to Know!)
Girl. Let me just tell you I might don’t make it with this post (and if “I might don’t make it” isn’t a phrase you use in everyday conversation no matter your mood I encourage you to try it. It is the kind of phrase you don’t need to understand-but I know your beautiful black ass does- and that immediately makes you laugh). I’ve been working like crazy on The New Money Girls. Can you believe it’s going to out in the world in a little over two weeks? I’m planning on having a Beyonce and white wine spritzer party again on release day. Yes, if you were wondering, I will spam @lustington and @brownstatuesquesugarbaby with video again.
This week, I want to talk to my sisters and best friends entering the bowl for the first time or after a hiatus. I remember the first (and second) time I entered the bowl. I remember the uncertainty. Hell, I remember the first time I went freestyling. I wasn’t new to sugaring but I was still almost paralyzed with fear. I would like to say to you all of the things someone would have said to me because I love you and if I can ease your mind even a fraction then everything I’ve revealed about my journey is worth it.
What You Couldn’t Know
You can’t know the future. I know that, intellectually, you are aware of this. But it’s a problem, isn’t it? Not knowing whether we are going to be successful in a new endeavor is an excellent way to keep us from doing new things. It is the impetus we need to find a different way, a safer way to try and meet our goals. While I want you to protect yourself and be concerned with your safety, in fact, I want it to be your number one priority, I don’t want you to play it safe because safe often equates to lazy and afraid. What am I really trying to say? Best friend, the thing that I’m always trying to say. GET OFF SUGAR BABY SITES. Would life be easier if you could just have a straightforward conversation with a POT about allowances and how much he’s willing to give you? Yes. It would. But you’re capping your potential.
Think about it. You are limiting yourself to men who have a) heard of sugar baby websites, b) are comfortable admitting they are sugar daddies, c) can weed through all of the messages they receive each day (we outnumber them I think 6 to 1 on the sites) and compete with women who are probably accepting less than you. You are also opening yourself up to the frustrating process of weeding through men who just don’t want you because of the color of your skin.
My best experiences in this bowl have been with men that would argue you to death about why they are not sugar daddies. They are just men taking care of the woman they are interested in. And you know what? That’s just fine because, to be honest, sis, you aren’t looking for a sugar daddy. You are looking for a man with money who is willing to help you accomplish your goals. Let me say that again because I really want you to get it. You are NOT looking for a sugar daddy. You are looking for a man with money who is willing to help you accomplish your goals.
Take a deep breath of relief because you already know men. You have already interacted with them. You have already dated, fucked and sucked men (or maybe you haven’t. Maybe I’m the only wild girl out here). You are not changing what you do. You are changing who you do it for. I’m going to repeat that again too. You are not changing what you do (dating). You are changing who you do it for (no more broke boys). That’s all sugaring is: deciding that your time is too valuable to give to men who can’t compensate you for your effort financially.
Does that mean you need to have an allowance? No. I’ve watched my sugar sisters finesse men out of hundreds of dollars, thousands actually, not because they have an allowance but because they have a connection and when you have a connection a man has a reason to take care of you.
What You Shouldn’t Know
What other girls think of you, whether they approve. Are you being safe? Are you comfortable with your decisions, what you’re offering, and what you’re receiving? Good. That’s all that matters. Sugaring is about stepping stones. You will probably not land a whale on your first go round. That’s okay. You probably don’t want to because you’re going to do what I did and fuck this sugaring thing up six different ways from Sunday. Do you want to do that with a man that makes more money than your mind can even conceive of? The answer is no, in case you’re wondering.
You’ll look back on your sugar journey and realize that you have incrementally improved the caliber of men that you are with. You will find that the more comfortable with who you are as a sex worker the more you get. You will notice that you still make mistakes but it’s easier to recover or let that man walk out of your life. You will also realize that it’s more important to meet your goals than it is to get the approval of internet strangers. If you have questions and after doing the extensive research you still don’t have an answer, it is perfectly okay to message a sugar sister and ask for help. But do you need them to approve a man, an allowance, an arrangement? No. And if it doesn’t feel good to you, if you’re in doubt, don’t bother messaging someone. Get out. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Ever. Sugar on your terms or don’t do it at all.
What You Don’t Need to Know
What you’re going to say or do in every possible scenario when you go freestyling (because dammit best friend you’re going to get out and freestyle even if I have to talk about it until I’m blue in the face). Do you know what having pre-prepared responses is? Scriptwriting. Do you know what the problem with having a script is? They only work if the other person knows their lines. When you enter this here sugar bowl, I want you to be yourself. I know everyone talks about having a sugar persona, hell, I even allude to the idea of having one, but what I really want is you to decide who your most confident, natural self is and to be that woman because again you’re not changing what you do. You’re just changing who you do it for.
What Do You Need to Know
This is easy and important: you need to know who you are and where your boundaries lie. If you don’t know, please, believe me, the sugaring world will teach you quickly, aggressively, and painfully. If you aren’t sure who you are let me get you started because I know. We are best friends after all.
You are not desperate for money. I don’t care if you’re down to your last $100 and rent is due (I’ve been there) you aren’t desperate for a man or money. You attract good fortune and opportunities no matter where you are or what you do because you’re a hard working bitch that doesn’t take no for an answer and refuses to be satisfied with anything but the life she wants.
You are a woman with goals. Even if that goal is just to get a new pair of shoes, you have a goal
You are a woman that gets what she wants because she works hard for it.
You are a woman that works hard.
You are a woman that can say no and watch a man walk out of your life because you know another is coming.
Your boundaries do not have to make sense to anyone but you. Only want to see a man on Mondays because every other day is unlucky? I ain’t judging. Get those Monday dates and that Monday money. The point is to feel safe and comfortable with who you are and how you’re moving in these sugar streets. Fuck what anyone else thinks.
We’re here again, sis. This is the time when you tell me whether you agree, I forgot to add something to the list, or you think you might don’t make it because this whole post was ridiculous and wrong. Let’s chat in the comments, boo. And a big thank you to everyone that has commented or messaged me this week. I loved reading every single thing you sent me and I love you. Every black ass thing about you.
I have written an open letter to underage sugar babies because my little sisters were weighing on my heart. That weight is back again but now it’s for my fellow brown sugar babies. The black girls that join the bowl full of hope and optimism. There is something in me that says I should be talking to you. I’ve done it before, I suppose, when I told you that I loved your blackness but we need each other. Need to talk to each other and remind each other that things are okay and will get better.
Do you remember when you first got the idea to join the bowl, sis? Mine was when I was watching the Dark Knight. I was fresh out of a breakup but couldn’t get out of the lease so all of my furniture and clothing were in the living room.
I was tired. I was tired of being the one that put my heart and soul into making my partner a better person but leaving the relationship exactly the same as I was when I entered it. This relationship was a bit different. I can admit that. I knew more about who I was than I ever had. But my ex was primed to step into a new job, a new life, because of me.
I put my attention back on the movie just in time to hear the Joker tell a room full of criminals that if you were good at something you should never do it for free. A lightbulb went off in my head. I was excellent at being a girlfriend. Far better at it than I should have been considering the return I was getting on my investments. I would be a sugar baby. It would be easy. Brilliant. I would be a rich woman with a closet full of designer clothes in no time at all.
Do you remember that? Remember the naivete, the feeling of invincibility? Do you remember when you realized that it was hard? There’s so much to learn! So many tips and tricks about what you should say, do, ask for, demand. Do you remember feeling like your head was about to explode? But the confidence was still there. You had a tumblr page full of pictures reblogged from luxury accounts. All of those things would be yours soon. You would be taking pictures leaning against Bentley’s and Maseratis soon enough.
Do you remember taking the plunge and making your first sugar profiles? Do you remember how the veteran SB’s told us over and over that SA and SDFM were washed up and dead-nothing like how they were in say 2006 when a girl could make some real money? Do you remember how you scoffed and created that profile anyways? Things would be different for you. How could they not be?
But then you started scrolling through profiles and realized how many of the men offering the allowance you wanted had absolutely no interest in black women and weren’t afraid to say so. And of course you knew racism existed and was alive and well but it never smacked you in the face the way it was now. Not like black women? How could you not like black women? Some of these men that hated black women were black themselves. Didn’t they know? Black women are beautiful. Some of the women these men lust over the most are black.
Do you remember moving over to the men that were open to black women and realizing how much lower their allowances were? How much more disrespectful? How much more sexually overt? When did you start to wonder how different things would be if you were white or Asian? When did you realize that all of those pictures you posted of luxury goods and the women that enjoyed them featured white women, the occasional Asian woman? When did you realize that there were no black women at all?
But you kept going. And you had a few POTs and scheduled a few dates. You went on the dates and realized there were two types of POTs that you kept running across. The ones who never had a black woman before (as if you were a cocktail on a drink menu or a mildly uncomfortable but still interesting disease) but were so excited to do it now or the ones who thought black women were so hot and just loved hanging out with us because we were so sassy and funny and look they listen to Drake and Chance the Rapper sometimes too. Pat them on the head for being cool. Either way, you get called ebony and chocolate and queen and goddess so often that you wonder if someone’ s going to set up a camera and tell you the storyline behind the porn you’re staring in (not that you’d mind. The money’s pretty good).
Eventually, after a shit ton of effort and struggle, you land yourself an SD and you’re so proud of yourself. As you should be. It is not easy to get past the men who can’t hide their look of surprise when you tell them the allowance you want. As if your skin color should be all the reason he needs to give you less. You found an SD. But now you have to go out in public with him.
Do you remember the stares? Do you remember how people would do little things to you-ask for your ID when you clearly are well over 21 just to see how old you are exactly so they can giggle with their coworkers? Snide looks? Comments? The meals that were “accidentally” messed up or took too long to come? But you remember that you saw sugar babies of other races with their SDs and sure maybe there were some looks but because they couldn’t quite figure things out, those girls got left alone. Your skin again. It always comes back to the color of your skin.
But all your skinfolk aint your kinfolk are they? Even black people are against you. You can set your clock by the think pieces that come out bashing sex workers and wondering why black women are willing to open their legs for the white devil. You think reparations. They think low self esteem and shame.
You realize that your black life doesn’t matter. Not as much as other black lives do and that if the police, who think you’re lower than dirt because of your occupation and the color of your skin, leave your dead body in an alley you will not warrant a hash tag. It is heavy. The knowing is heavy.
So is the isolation. Your homegirls talked about getting a sugar daddy then talked shit about anyone that actually went out and did it. You cannot tell them. You cannot talk to them.
So you find yourself making friends with women online. Do you remember your first sugar friend? The first woman to message you and make you smile because she understood and had something encouraging to say? I have made friends that I can confidently say I will have for the rest of my life. They are sugar babies that decided they wanted to be my friend and I have never been more thankful for anything in my life.
Do you remember when you realized you accomplished your sugar goals? You made a list of things you wanted to get from this journey and realized you had them? Do you remember the moment when it came to you that you made the decision that you wanted a certain type of life and then you went and got it and everyone else be damned?
I guess that’s why I’m writing this, sis. I just want to tell you that I love you. I want to tell you that I know it’s hard to work twice as hard for half the results. I know it isn’t fair and I know you deserve better. Of course, I know. You inspire me every day.
This letter is to tell you that I love you, that even if I haven’t left a comment on your posts, I see you and I scream with joy every time you go on a great date, delete SA and freestyle, or you kick a shit man to the curb.
You are beautiful and amazing and you can do anything as soon as you put your mind to it. You are a warrior and a goddess and the site of you makes the inferior man tremble in fear and rage.
Keep your head up. I can’t see it will ever get any easier for us but doesn’t that make the success even sweeter?
I’m not a real sugar baby, because I told him that I require protection for ALL sexual occasions.
So in return he stated, I must be escorting on the side. Claiming there are, “millions of real SBs out there”. Dear God ladies please don’t be having unprotected sex with the men for any reason! Be safe be safe!
Don’t fall for this trick either, this is really how they try and manipulate you. With the whole,“what you won’t…another will.” Don’t fall for that shit.
I enjoy clickbait titles. I forgive myself for creating them because I tell you that they’re clickbait within the first three sentences. Best friend, this title was clickbait. Sex work, including sugaring, is the oldest profession in the world. It is healthy and will be healthy until the end of time. Sugaring isn’t dead but the way a lot of us want to sugar is.
What We Want Sugaring to Be and Why
This is easy. We want life in the sugar bowl to be what alumni sugar babies said the bowl was in the early 2000′s. SA was a goldmine. There were men just waiting to give girls allowances. Whale daddies were so common they were boring. We want to live the life of the white, Asian, and Latina sugar babies that we follow here. Of the black girls that got into the bowl at the right time with the right mix of features. We want to make a sugar profile on SA and have a sugar daddy within a week.
There’s no shame in wanting this. Hell, that’s exactly what I wanted when I first joined the bowl. In fact, that’s exactly what I thought I was going to get despite reading the warnings that the sugar bowl was not what it used to be. I would like you to examine why you want things to be this way. For me, it was a horror of rejection, confidence, and laziness. In short, I believed men should hand me their money because I thought I was cute enough and because I needed it. Life did not work this way for me in any other area but I assumed that was how it would work as a sugar baby. Are you like me? Does sugaring seem appealing to you because it seems like easy, fast money and you could really use some right now? Did you come here for a good time and no desire to do hard work? Do you want the luxury without the effort? Do you want the results without the stress?
What Sugaring Became and Why
Online sugar dating is common now. Even vanilla girls who have never considered the bowl whisper about SA and how they would join if x,y, or z weren’t happening. It’s inundated and getting more crowded by the day. What happens when something becomes public knowledge instead of a closely guarded secret? Typically? The quality of that thing goes down because those that profit from it are more interested in increasing profit margins than maintaining quality. Any man can make an SA profile. Despite SA’s “good intentions” they are more interested in profiting from their site than guaranteeing that each sugar baby that joins the site has a positive, safe experience. Instead, they will argue that a man making less than $100,000 a year with a few hundred dollars a month and a history of sexual assault should be allowed to have a sugar baby just like any other (actually wealthy) man.
Black women are perhaps the first to notice when things take a turn for the worse in society, life, dating, and love as they are considered one of the least desired and least protected racial and cultural groups. While SA may still work for those of other races, success for us is far and few between. I root and scream and cheer for every black woman that finds her SD on SA now. It is easy to commit to doing this because I know I will not have to root, scream, or cheer very often.
What Does This Mean for Brown Sugar Babies?
It means that we’re going to have to get off the internet. I’ve been screaming this from the rooftops for quite a while now but, sis, I’m going to say it again. GO FREESTYLE. Ask yourself why you want to stay in an environment that does not yield you positive results. Ask yourself how long you’re going to allow unattractive old men who don’t have that much money disrespect you and/or lowball you. Ask yourself what about freestyling is so awful that you have not done it yet. Ask yourself if the reason you won’t freestyle is that you’re scared and all of the other points you make about why you can’t are just excuses.
Your sugar daddy is out there. I promise you he is. If I can fuck this up six different ways from Sunday and still get men to pay my bills and buy me shit I’m for damn sure that you can too sis. I’m not any smarter, prettier, or better equipped than you. The only potential difference between us? I’m willing to work. I’m willing to hear no, not yet, or maybe. I’m willing to fight for what I want. But you’re my best friend. You’re my sister and you wouldn’t be my best friend or my sister if you didn’t have the same drive I do.
You’re going to have to let go of the fear. You’re going to have to dress up. You’re going to have to go to a new place. You’re going to have to talk to complete strangers. You’re going to spend a lot of time working and learning and analyzing your own behavior and mistakes. You’re going to spend a lot of time doing this. After all of the time you spend, you will still find yourself fucking it up from time to time. That’s okay.
What Should Brown Sugar Babies Do Next?
Am I telling you to delete your SA profile? Deactivate your Tinder? Best friend, sis, I would never tell you what to do with your life. All of this seems like advice written for you but, girl, honestly? This is just my place to have stern talks with myself about what I will and will not do when I pull my head out of my ass and get back into the bowl. You can do what you want and as long as it doesn’t jeopardize your safety, I won’t mind or judge.
Don’t delete your profile. I met my last SD on SA. If I deleted my profile, he and I would not have met because he doesn’t live in my city and didn’t have a Tinder or dating app. Don’t leave money on the table. Keep those profiles if you want to. But please understand that they aren’t going to be where the big money is. The big money is out in the wild sitting at bars, wine tastings, dinners, and other social events. The big money doesn’t see the need to make a profile on SA. Why should they when they constantly find themselves in places where beautiful women congregate?
Change the way you think about who you are. This helped me so much. I told myself that I wasn’t a sugar baby. I associated that with Tumblr and SA. I associated that with luxury pictures and Louboutins. I associated that with pretty things I didn’t really need or want. I decided instead to consider myself as a courtesan, a finesser. It was my job to provide some type of emotional service for a man. The man and I both understand that because I am providing this service it is his responsibility to provide for me. Good things happened when I opened my mouth and told men my dreams and how they could best help me further them.
You are whatever persona you need to adopt in order to get what you need. You are already smart, beautiful, an excellent conversationalist, and worthy of coin. You just have to change your thinking about who you are, where you will best get the results you want, and what kind of effort you’ll have to put forward. You can do this. We both know you can. I’m just waiting for you to do it.
Okay, sis. We’ve reached that time. Do you think I made some valid points or did I really jump out the window with this one? Is SA still the best place for brown sugar babies? Is freestyling dead or some awful terrible thing that you’ll never do? Let me know in the comments or message me. And special thanks to all of the women that have responded to my requests for friendship. It’s so beautiful talking to each of you. To the women that have messaged me because I am the sugar sister they wanted, thank you. To the sb’s that have tagged the women they want to be sisters with, thank you. I love you.
If you guys follow my updates you’ll know that this happened super fast lol within a week I was able to get my SD to make it official and cuff me up. My allowance is now $1500 a week about $6500 a month. My responsibilities have went up ALOT though. Now I take care of his household while he travels for work. He lets me use his car and go grocery shopping, clean the house, buy him new clothes, etc. Of course he’s paying for all this and send me money. I really like this guy, he’s already talking about marrying me and giving me a couple babies 😉 I can’t wait until he retires in September and gets this million dollars for us lmao. My birthday is in August and he’s already talking about he was “something big” planned and I’m super excited! I’m doing everything I can to make this arrangement last for AT LEAST a year but hopefully longer.
Stay tuned my loves 💞
#1 (The profile photo): I never really sexualize my profile photo I want him to like my face too if all they see is my breasts yes they’ll be more likely to click but they’ll always be focused on sex which is something I rarely wanna have w/ my SD if they’re attracted to my face it’s more likely they’ll wanna be seen in public with me on dates etc. so it does reduce my chances of having to fuck him.(if you do girl I have no say in your hustle keep on keeping on babygirl!)
#2(lighting) Lighting is your BEST FRIEND FOREVER!!! But the flash is sooo annoying and if you are gonna take a mirror selfie please make sure your mirror is CLEAN!!! ALSO YOUR BACKGROUND NEEDS TO BE SPOTLESS! You wanna come of as clean and responsible!
#3(The full body) The shot they’re eager to see! I personally just throw on leggings and a sports bra(I got a great push up one from VS) but really I just stayed at home all day and I contoured my abs and I sucking everything in and wearing like 3 layers of makeup I never use it as my profile photo usually towards the end of my album
#4(the happy photo) Don’t be afraid to show off your gorgeous smile!
#5(Natural lighting) I know not a damn thing is natural about kylie but she’s outside so I guess it’s natural light. I am the “what you see is what you get” kinda bitch so yes I use natural lighting so when we meet for coffee I don’t need you to be surprised
#6(no makeup) can easily be interchangeable w/ natural lighting! and by no make up I mean bare minimum a light foundation with a little concealer if you’re like bomb af with makeup use a very light contour and blend well wear NOTHING on your eyes or lips because that’s ALL men know about makeup and they’re like “wow she’s so naturally gorgeous!”(but damn can we just please appreciate rihanna???)
#7(All about you!) Do you like going to the beach or the gym do you like puppies? what photo describes you best?
#8(ANGLES!!!!!) We all know kylie doesn’t really have an ass she’s just good at photoshop and angles and that shit is imperative when it comes to selfies
#9(the “send me a picture” selfie) Don’t post it on your profile but that doesn’t mean it’s something you wouldn’t don’t send a selfie that you would not be extremely devastated if it got leaked you only need to take a few of these every so often just add different filters add like an emoji crop it differently every time you’re about to send it to a different guy if it gets out you will definitely know who leaked it this applies to your vanilla life so well too!!!
#10(Getting sexy w/o getting naked) If he asks for a photo you don’t have to get in your underwear a little cleavage and a sexy pose will definitely to the trick you can even use this to replace the full body selfie or just add it to your profile to be sexy