Sis, You DON’T Need a Sugar Daddy. Here’s What You Need Instead...
Before we hop into things, I have a few quick housekeeping notes that I’m begging you to read. They’re super important!
1. If you have downloaded The New Money Girls from Amazoncheck your email. There were some glitches in the manuscript that I’ve been working with them to fix, and I think we’ve done it. Amazon has emailed you a link to download the update. If you ordered the book on the 19th, you should have a perfect copy. If that’s not the case, let me know so I can fix things. You deserve an immaculate book, and I’m not going to rest until you get it. If you haven’t gotten your copy of the New Money Girls get it now from Amazon!
2. There are some formatting issues with The New Money Girls on Nook. I’m still waiting to get everything fixed there. I’ll update you when the link to the updated and perfect copy goes live.
3. Thank you to the 890 of you that have downloaded the book. It is such a blessing to know that I’m a member of a community-a family- so willing to open their hearts to me and my work. I love each of you so much it hurts. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support, your reviews, your messages, and your comments.
4. This is a safe space. This is a community. This is a family. I don’t fucking play about my family, about my sugar sisters. If you aren’t a member of this family, of this community and you think you can come to my page with your negativity and your attempts to pull my sisters down you will get a warning. I will kindly insist that you be a bitch on your own blog and not mine. Any response besides “my bad, sis, I’m sorry” will get you blocked. There will be no argument. You will not get a chance to poke out your tits and impress your friends with what you believe are snappy comebacks but are just poorly worded and misspelled responses with all the strength of wilted celery. Blocked, hating ass bitches. I WILL block you. It’s gang, gang over here. Run up and get done up. Watch your fucking mouth when you address my sisters in my presence.
That concludes our housekeeping notes for the day. Thank you for participating
Sis, you are not the only one learning and growing as a sugar baby and as a woman. I find myself, especially since I took a break from sugaring, becoming more introspective. I spend more time thinking about my sugar journey and why I succeeded in some instances and failed in others. I think about the fact that I found the most success when I stepped away from sugaring as it was presented it to me and started to sugar on my terms and to reach my own goals. I have taken time to freestyle and to consider the state of the bowl now, and a few things have occurred to me. The first is that we are not doing something new as sugar babies. Sex work has always existed. What we do has always existed. We were called courtesans then. We are sugar babies now, but the job description is exactly the same. The men are exactly the same. The path to success is exactly the same. But we don’t realize that. We have thrown away the rulebook, our roots, our history, our foundation.
What is Sugaring?
Sugaring is dating. That’s it. We try to say it’s something else. We try to build scripts. We try to create rules, structures, and boundaries. We log onto specialty websites catering to our delusions of what sugaring is. We believe that what we are doing is right because for a time it worked.
What Was Sugaring?
We have heard the stories, haven’t we? We know what sugaring was when it first hit the internet. It was a secret club that only the serious knew about and participated in. Life was still more difficult for a brown sugar baby but it for damn sure was easier than what it is now. Men were serious about providing allowances and being traditional sugar daddies. Money shots abounded. Private flights. Designer clothes. Luxury vacations. Women of leisure ruled the world.
But then the world discovered the sugar sites. Things started to go “downhill” from there. I want to posit that things didn’t go downhill. Like the tech bubble, we had a period of time where things seemed amazing great and prosperous. They were none of these things. They were just easy. When the bubble burst, (and maybe you didn’t notice this) it became easy to see who had the chops to make it as a sugar baby. It became easy to spot which of your faves just got lucky. It became even easier to spot which of your faves were just downright lying.
Wait…What is Sugaring Now?
Sugaring is now going back to its historical roots. If you aren’t praising whatever god you worship or your ancestors for this miracle, sis, you’re bugging. Even when online sugaring was at its height, the most successful girls all said the same thing-they met their SD’s freestyling. Even when Seeking Arrangement was popping the majority of the whales weren’t on it. Why would they be? They were surrounded by beautiful women in their everyday life. They had no use for a sugaring site.
This messes us up. We have held onto a platform with its systems and rules even though they are not benefitting us. It doesn’t make any sense. These men on those sites tell us over and over and over again that they don’t want black women but we keep searching. We stay where we aren’t wanted.We go out in public thinking that the rules we’ve established for dealing with men that have rejected us are the best way to go. We meet men that understand women need to be taken care of and ruin it by treating them with the same bluntness that we do men on sugar sites. Why? Why are we doing that?
I maintain it’s because we’re scared of the unknown. We don’t know how to talk to men. We don’t know how to open our mouths and ask for what we want unless we call him a sugar daddy and hope that he’ll be okay with that. We think we don’t know how to finesse a man, and we don’t really want to learn because we are afraid to fail. We have built sugaring in our head to be the monumental, huge task that we cannot conquer.
What Should I Do?
But sweetheart, change your energy, change your life. Let go of sugaring as you know it. Don’t panic. You will replace it with something you are familiar with: dating. You don’t need a sugar daddy. You just need to date a man that understands that to keep you he has to take care of you. That’s it. You’ve probably already done it. Has a man ever bought you something to eat because you are hungry? Gotten you medicine because you were sick? Helped you with homework because you were confused? Bought you clothes because you said you wanted them? Then congratulations, you’ve finessed a man before. It wasn’t nearly as difficult as you thought it would be, was it?
The key to sugaring success is letting go of desperation. If you need to have money today, sugaring is not for you. Desperation clings like sweat and leads to regret. Sugaring is to help you meet your goals not to help you survive because sugaring is a long game. You will not hold out your hand within a week of meeting a man and have him place several thousands of dollars into it. You’re going to talk about your goals and your dreams. You will build your value. You will make him crave you. You will make it clear in the way you behave and allow him to behave that you see yourself as a woman of the highest caliber that doesn’t have time to waste. He will either fall in line, or you will let him go and find someone else because remember: mediocre men are everywhere. You can get one of those in a heartbeat. You aren’t here for mediocre; you’re here for perfection.
I know that the majority of you reading this will agree with me but still reject what I’m saying. Sugaring with the old mindset is easier. There is less risk and what you perceive as more reward, and if you fail at least, you do so in the privacy of your own home and can use the sites as a scapegoat. That’s okay. I promise you one day you’ll be sick and tired of being sick and tired and you’ll decide to stop being a sugar baby and become a courtesan. You’ll go back to your roots. You’ll find success that blows your mind and humbles you the way I have.
It’s that time, sis. What did you think? Am I absolutely full of shit? Is online sugaring alive and well? Is the title “Sugar Daddy” more important than money in your hand? Leave me a comment and let me know.
And thank you again for reading The New Money Girls. Your support means everything to me. You are the best sister I could ever ask for and I love you to the moon and back.
LI-TER-FUCKIN-LY ! Y’all this man responded, “Lol”.
Now, this is where a lot of sugar babies make an mistake. They allow this mans mockery of how much it cost to support their needs/wants sting, they allow themselves to become vulnerable to manipulative and cheap men…
I simply explained to him in the most polite and bitchy tone ever (because ladies sometimes sugar may just in look like salt), “The outfits that you so politely complimented and admired, the makeup, the hair, nails, smooth legs, they all cost. So to maintain your desired image and my lifestyle that you wish to be included in (since you messaged me) you have to support me. In exchange for your support, I shower you in attention, affection, make men envious of you, and offer you an introduction to a diverse culture. I thought that was the kind of man you were, and the interest you had in mind. However I apologize that you cant afford me and my lifestyle and I wish you the best of luck!
See what I did there, “your desired image, make men envious of you, thought that was the kind of man you were, you cant afford me”. Subliminally bruising his ego. Sooo just to try and prove how much of a man he is, now he’ll be competitive, hungry to try prove me wrong. Which he was and immediately he began to retract his statement, and accept my offers. :) people just really want what they cant have…well cant afford.
& since he was acting all funnyI will neeed my cash in hand before anythannnng.
This, ladies, is why you shouldn’t lowball yourselves