bronze beast

Cards Against Humanity Banter (Number I Forget)
  • So my laptop decided to be a little bitch while in the middle of the original and completely deleted it...so I've restarted! Enjoy! Feel free to reblog with some of your favorites from the latest Cards Against Humanity video that I might have missed!
  • "VikkStarInMyPussy123" is worse than Adolf Hitler because "stop talking with your gay mouth you fuck."
  • "Getting your dick stuck in a child and not being able to get it out in time. I'm looking at you Vikk." is worse than Adolf Hitler because "*card removed due to copyright from the cunt duo TheFineBros*"
  • Ethan: Josh has got dick on the brain.
  • Josh: You got dick in your mouth.
  • Ethan: No I don't. I got facecam on Josh I don't.
  • Simon: Thanks for clearing that up.
  • Ethan: Where is the behzfinger? Is this something you made up while-
  • Josh: It's on your hand!
  • "Ethan, channeling his anger by making a sexhole in his desk."
  • Ethan: I don't have sexholes in my desk.
  • JJ: Lies! Lies!
  • Simon: They're called girlfriends.
  • Vikk: If you're six and watching this click off.
  • Josh: What? Hey, come to my channel! We don't have pedophiles over here!
  • After Josh rang the 'Ring for sex' bell, Fangirls tried-
  • "British cunt."
  • "Go monkey man!" -FIFAMonstah
  • Why Josh won't release illuminate-
  • "Josh deep throating a fangirl when she has been a bad girl."
  • "Josh has millions of daughters trying to caress his pussy juice beard."
  • JJ: The thing is, you know Josh has had pussy on his beard, and it just lingered. That's why he showers all the time.
  • Simon: No, that's 'cuz he has hygeine. You should try it sometime.
  • The __ are back.
  • Simon: Mine makes sense.
  • JJ: I swear if it's niggers.
  • "Fangirls shouting "YOU DA MAN DADDY" when meeting Josh."
  • Simon woke up to find-
  • Ethan: I'm so sorry Vik.
  • "Vikk, changing his name from Vikkstar123 to Vikk1-9 because he only likes 1-9 year olds."
  • "JJ's big black dick as opposed to Tobi's successful youtube career."
  • JJ: What do you think we do when we're sleeping?
  • Simon: Sleep?
  • JJ: Naw, you gotta put your dick in something.
  • Ethan: You put it in your pillow!
  • JJ: Naw, I'm past that stage man. What you guys never fucked your pillow?
  • Collectively: No!
  • JJ: Fuck you guys you've never lived.
  • "KSI naming his girlfirend Melony coz melon."
  • "Vikk going to a playground and going down a slide hoping to end up in Madeleine McCann's DM's"
  • Hi, my name is-
  • "WroeToNotRecording"
  • "Creepy Uncle Zerkaa"
  • "Calcuntface"
  • "KSI"
  • "JJ's EP - Sweep Up"
  • Bitch you got me "That's not me."
  • "Thquirrel, Roth Royth, and ahh...annn...annthrop....anthrop...thropolo....Fuck it you're not picking this card."
  • "JJ moving out of the house just live next door to Seana."
  • JJ: "Simon likes AJ3Scouser." Who the fuck is that?
  • "JJ thinking his fashion sense is sick, but actually looking like a bed sheet."
  • "Vik naming his child MySon456."
  • How does one become a member of the Sidemen? "You don't do them ting round here rudeboy."
  • "Negasonic Teenage Warhead"
  • "Vikk's pedophilic thoughts"
  • JJ: Why don't you stop mollesting kids?
  • Vik: No, yeah, sure, yeah, sounds great.
  • Ethan: Some things are hard to give up JJ. Bad habits never die.
  • Simon: Ethan, Lent's coming up soon.
  • Ethan: Oh, I've got to give up being gay?
  • Simon: No, not you.
  • Josh let JJ do __ to his beard.
  • "Dhinchak dhin dhinchak dhinchak"
  • "Another one"
  • "The many group chats dedicated to go to an event that the Sidemen are going to just to drag one of them in private and suck their dick."
  • Ethan: People are actually trying to put us in prison this is a problem.
  • JJ: If you're eighteen and up it's cool.
  • Simon: Rah...
  • JJ: What do you mean "rah?"
  • Vikk: It didn't specify a gender there.
  • JJ: I wouldn't like a male...not that I don't like gays...
  • Simon: It's cool he has a gay uncle!
  • JJ: Yeah I have a gay uncle!
  • Simon: Stop talking about your guncle.
  • "I GOT MY DADDY LOOKS FROM DADDY JOSH!"
  • "__ U smart."
  • The only thing worse than Behz's twitter is "Vikk's amazon buying history of Chloroform and duct tape."
  • Simon: Yo Primark is sick!
  • Ethan: Going there and shopping gives me herpes.
  • "That video of Tobjizzle where he doesn't have a hat on."
  • Josh: Does that even exist?
  • Ethan: Yeah! Vikk's the chloroform man! That sounds like a superhero!
  • Ethan: When I wait for people to put answers in I just look at snapchat stories.
  • Simon: You have the shortest attention span. Actually, no JJ is up there as well.
  • JJ: I'm touching my dick right now so...
  • "Stephen Hawking being a better goalkeeper than Josh."
  • Josh: He has a machine to help him.
  • Collectively: How did that win? "Who's boobs are better CAN YOU KEEP UP?"
  • Ethan: Does anyone still have the GIF of JJ flexing his boob?"
  • Simon: Alright "Vikk Likkes__(NO 12 year olds)"
  • Ethan: Can we keep it as "likkes?"
  • Simon: That's all I'm saying.
  • Ethan: Josh is really enjoying that.
  • Josh: *giggling* What the fuck is that??
  • "Simon once tweeted about trying out Minecraft because he secretly has kids gasping for breath in his car."
  • Ethan: That's why Simon hasn't done a car video!
  • "Tobi dressing as a pink power ranger and fingerng a dogs red rocket til it cums piss."
  • "Whilst Vik is getting down with the 12 year olds, Josh likes to__"
  • Vikk: I almost want to say Josh likkes to.
  • Josh: *giggling* I don't know what I'm laughing at!
  • "Seana sucking off JJ's dad thinking it was him."
  • JJ: I don't know why everyone calls me jeed 'cuz its jide.
  • Jide screaming "__!" into the night, but nobody can tell where it's coming from because they can't see him.
  • "Bronze Beasts"
  • "I'm gonna fuck your fucking fanny off you twat."
  • "Calfuckmehardinmymothafuckingclut"
  • Simon: What the fuck is a clut?
  • Ethan: You can't fuck a clit team!
  • Simon: That's not even a clit!
  • Ethan: Fuck my clut!
  • Simon: My motha fuckin clut!
  • JJ: Fuck my clut yo!
  • Ethan: JJ cam you go red?
  • Simon: No, it's Greta going red.
  • Ethan: OH...
  • Josh: You being racist Ethan?
  • Ethan: NO I was just pondering if he could go red...
  • "Behzinga the minger fingerer"
  • "The semen from Simon's dick slowly enters __s mouth."
  • Ethan: I don't like this.
  • Vikk: This game is getting really weird.
  • Josh: Its taken a weird twist at the end!
  • JJ: I feel like this is too descriptive...I can imagine it as well 'cuz I've seen his dick.
  • Ethan: What?
  • Simon: You're actually imagining my dick right now.
  • Josh: The semen slowly coming out of it...
  • Simon: Now Josh is imagining it.
  • Josh: I'm Dr.Pepper.
  • "Son Zerk"
  • "JJ misreading lyrics and singing 'Jail' by Awolnation."
  • Ethan: *say quietly* Jail. *giggles*
  • "I don't fuck with you, you little stupid ass bitch, I ain't fucking with__"
  • Josh: You need to read this properly!
  • "When Behz claims he's committing to YouTube."
  • "Vikk being a slow fuck and being told to curry up."
  • "Willypoo." (Josh's card)
  • Simon: A for effort.

Ashton Imagine: Werewolf AU

Author: Rhine

-

He was yours, without a doubt.

It didn’t matter that he pledged himself into a pack – an unbreakable bond between those he now called his brothers and sisters – they have his word but you have his heart.

It’s not quite right to call you his mate because he wasn’t some animal that picked someone up and marked them as their own – no, you were more than that because he didn’t have to mark you to remind you that you were his, he’d never have to find you because you’d never leave and you were more than a predestined fate of an animal boy, you were the lover of a man with hazel eyes and rugged hands and you’d stay with him regardless of a mark, fate be damned.

It wasn’t a meant to be so much as it was fell into place and a future with blank pages to create was more beautiful than a storyline inked in your actions.

And if you flipped back a couple of chapters, you’d remember how it all began.

A once upon a time to a horror story to be, the wolf hiding in a fairy tale.

He’d wear his pointed teeth with pride, the same way a prince might wear his crown.

A prince with his army in the trees, a halo of dead leaves in his tousled dark blonde hair and blood staining his glinting teeth.

Who said a monster couldn’t be king?

-

He led them.

He wasn’t just a part of the pack, he was the head, he was the alpha; the closest thing to a king with authority in his steps and dominance in his voice.

He commanded them and he was the one who held the reigns when the betas were too unruly, roping in the omegas when they were dangerously far away.

It was him with steel in his voice and iron in his mouth – they all looked up to him with some sort of awe in their wide eyes, the big brother with the belting laugh and wide grin and the leader with the complex strategies and fearless action.

He looked out for them – they were family and they were practically his own – and there’s nothing Ashton wouldn’t do for his pack, to keep them safe from whatever tried to hunt them down.

You found it rather extraordinary, really – you saw how reckless the younger ones were with their obnoxiously loud laughter and careless confidence, their eyes flashing yellow just to play with others, the points in their teeth that appeared without a second thought in a fight.

And yet somehow – even the most unruly of them all stood up straight with a single look from Ashton’s narrowed eyes.

He could tame feral beasts with nothing but a sharp look and a growl in the back of his throat, but he could never come close to taming something as wild as you.

He’d never want to cage something quite as free as you.

Perhaps that’s why he runs by your side instead.

-

You’re almost used to it now, you think.

You were thrown into the world of the supernatural without so much as a minute to catch your breath – werewolves and witches and hunters and demons and the world of the supernatural was there right before your eyes, right under your nose – just a glimpse before you were lost in it all.

You didn’t have a place in it, but the moment you choose to stand by Ashton’s side was the moment you had to embrace the fall as everything you knew drifted away into something darker.

Seeing your boyfriend’s eyes turn blood red was hardly something you could get used to easily; the warning shade in his pupils paired with his too-pointed smirk enough to make you forget about the gentle touch of his fingers trailing up your arm and the warm taste of his lips.

Because then there’s something animal about the boy who curled up to you in the middle of the night; there’s something about the way his features distort into stretched lips and gaping teeth, untamed hair in an erratic disarray and something raw in his eyes.

The way he looks at you with the hunger of a frenzied animal for your pretty little neck instead of hunger for your quirked lips.

But then he nuzzles you the way he always did, breathing you in with deep inhales – you always wondered why it always seemed like he was smelling you – and you see yourself reflected in his red eyes, you see him through the blood.

And you’ve come to see that this animal was a part of him, that it was him, not some ulterior part that you could ignore.

Ashton was the wolf that lurked in his bones; the way he nipped your neck with hungry bites and howled your name back into your lips, the way his grip emulated power, breath uneven and out of control.

He might have been the alpha of his pack, but when it comes to the scent of your skin and the taste of your sweat, he’s powerless and you’re the moon he howls to, that he loses control over.

He bends to your will in the dark closet rooms, worship in between haggard breaths.

Like an obedient beta to its alpha.

-

He’d do anything for you.

You knew that before but you know it with a certainty now; you knew how he returned with scratches on his forearms and blood that tasted foreign on his lips.

It’s taken care of.

You knew how he would put himself in front of danger to protect his pack, to protect you – racing to the forest the moment he hears a whisper of even a single leaf hiding a secret and racing to get you out of the way, his broad body shielding you from whatever came your way.

You knew safety was a luxury in his world of supernatural – there would always be lurking evil in the shadows and unexplainable dangers that hid in the corners of the darkened world.

There would always be people – monsters and beasts and magical beings and beings that were not quite fully there – who’d seek to tear the infamous alpha to shreds, to wipe that smirk off his face and destroy the reckless pack that was hellbent on creating chaos.

And you – you who was so helpless in the eyes to these timeless wraths – you were the perfect target because if they couldn’t destroy the bronze-haired beast, they’d destroy you and wait for him to self-destruct.

You see, Ashton wasn’t the only one looking at you with hungry eyes.

What happens when you take away the mutt’s precious chew toy?

He loses the careful control that an alpha like him is known for; when he loses you he’s lost himself too.

They steal you far enough away so you can’t hear his throat ripping as he howls out your name to the wind, to his moon.

He’d destroy the world to find you somewhere in the debris before he destroyed himself when he couldn’t find your smile in the ruins and ashes.

He’s hunting for blood now.

-

more imagines here!