Or, How Bucky Won Over The Hammer Of Thor.

(Here on AO3) 

Thor enjoyed the pleasant fragrances of Midgardian soaps. The one in the common-floor bathroom was labelled “Lavender Daydream” and was tinted a mild purple. It had a gentle floral scent with a slightly acrid undertone, and Thor wondered absently if Midgard had an actual plant named lavender, or if it was like blue-flavored drinks, with no non-artificial analogue. With Midgard, there was no way to tell. Regardless, it was a pleasing scent, and Thor would enjoy the soothing scent and gentle moisturizing properties of the liquid. 

Midgard was such a fascinating world. 

Thor toweled his hands dry and stepped out of the bathroom, intending to head towards the kitchen. Bruce had left some curry in the fridge, and Thor wanted to test his mettle against his perennial foe, the spicy pepper. 

He took one imperious stride into the common room and tripped. He caught himself on lavender-scented palms, just shy of sprawling flat on his face on the carpet. 

Sitting innocently in the middle of the hallway was Mjolnir. 

Strange. He was sure he’d left his hammer on the sofa. 

kingofmemes posted:

common room rules state that anything unlabeled is fair for anyone to use. shoulda put a sticky note on your mythological weapon of unimaginable power before you left it on my seat buddy

Posted at 3:23 pm, 4729 notes

(Read More below)

Keep reading

Aelin has two moods:
  • Aelin: *stubs her toe while walking badassly like her swag self*
  • Aelin: *contines walking even though she is dying on the inside and may have broken her toe. Aedion may have gasped*
  • OR
  • Aelin: *stubs her toe*
  • Aelin: F*** B**** AHHH S*** G** P**** W****** C**** I'M DYING HELP ME ROWAN AGH *screams and hops around on one foot crashing into all of the furniture*
  • Rowan: *sighs* *walks over to Aelin, calmly dodging the flaming table and carries her over to the bed where she dramatically faints*
Health Advice for the Signs

**Check your Sun sign, your Sun sign’s polarity, and your Ascendant

Aries: The head is ruled by Aries. They are susceptible to a lot of headaches, migraines, and sinus issues, and could be susceptible to minor head and facial injuries, too. Arians are also prone to eye strain and problems with the teeth, and they have a tendency to overwork themselves. Arians easily get red in the face when they’re excited or angry, and when they have a fever, it often becomes very high in a very short amount of time. 

Advice: Use protective headgear if you’re participating in strenuous sports. Be sure to take breaks when working, and don’t try to take on more than you can handle. Eat meals in a serene atmosphere. Drink plenty of water and rest often. 

Taurus: The throat and neck are ruled by Taurus. Taureans may be subject to a sore throats, colds, laryngitis, thyroid problems, swollen glands, stiff necks (especially when they’re stressed) and other minor afflictions. They’re also prone to tonsillitis and ear aches. Taureans’ keen taste buds lead to a love of food, and that, paired with possible problems with the Thyroid gland, which is also ruled by Taurus, as well as a generally sedentary lifestyle, can cause weight gain. Because they are ruled by Venus, Taureans may also have back strain. 

Advice: Bundle up during the winter to avoid getting sick. Be careful of your eating habits. Remember everything should be done in moderation. Take walks outside to keep yourself active. Take the time to give yourself a quick massage or do some stretches if you’re experiencing neck or back pain. 

Gemini: The hands, arms, shoulders and lungs are ruled by Gemini. Geminis may have problems with respiratory disease and may be prone to bronchitis and asthma, as well as difficulty breathing when stressed. They’re susceptible to accidents involving the hands such as sprained wrists, jammed fingers, and broken bones, as well as minor bruises, scrapes and cuts. Gemini is ruled by Mercury, which rules the brain and nervous system, so Geminis may also be prone to anxiety and nervousness, which can make them physically sick. 

Advice: Because your ruling planet, Mercury, is associated with the brain and nervous system, your mental health is tied to your physical health. Meditation, yoga, or even some simple breathing exercises would be beneficial to your overall health. Smoking tobacco is especially detrimental to Geminis, so avoid that. Playing sports such as tennis or ping pong will help strengthen the arms. 

Cancer: The breasts and stomach are ruled by Cancer. Cancerians could be susceptible to weight gain in later years, and it may be hard for them to lose that excess weight. They are prone to stomach and digestive problems such as ulcers, gallbladder issues, and nausea. Cancerians are likely to overindulge in wine and alcohol, which causes further stomach problems as well weight gain and water retention. Tension, anxiety, and high emotions are likely to cause illness in those born under this sign. 

Advice: Eat your meals in pleasant surroundings—no arguing at the table. Take a walk afterwards to aid in digestion. Walking in a warm rain or by the sea will soothe the lungs, as the air is moist.

Leo: Leo rules the back, spine, and heart, and those born under this sign may have problems with the back and spine due to physical and emotional strain as well as overexertion. They’re especially susceptible to upper back pain and pressures and pains around the heart. They may have heart problems later in their lives. 

Advice: Avoiding lifting heavy objects and doing stretches for the back would be beneficial. Try and maintain good posture as well, and make sure to get enough rest and relaxation. Sunbathing is a good way to do so. 

Virgo: Virgo rules the nervous system and intestines. Virgoans are worriers, and their nervous tension, anxiety, and emotional stress easily become physical ailments, usually intestinal, as they have sensitive stomachs and are prone to ulcers, indigestion, liver and bowel problems.  

Advice: Herbal tea eases the stomach. Light but regular exercise, periods of relaxation, and sunshine are helpful in getting Virgoans to stop worrying and destress, at least for a little while.

Libra: The lower back, butt, and kidneys are ruled by Libra, and Venus, Libra’s ruler, rules the throat, skin, hair, and veins along with those regions as well. Librans are prone to lower back pain (especially when they’re stressed) as well as kidney problems, such as infections, and sensitive skin, along with breakouts. Librans may have delicate immune systems as children, but it usually evens out as they age. 

Advice: Drink lots of water and avoid excessive alcohol and carbonated drinks as they are bad for both the skin and the kidneys. Mild exercise, back stretches, and good posture are all beneficial for Librans, and you should try to keep both your surroundings and your company pleasant and harmonious.

Scorpio: Scorpio rules the genitals, and Scorpios may have problems with urinary tract infections and genital infections—skin flare ups, cystitis, and other ailments. They may also experience exhaustion and ill health due to their own volatile emotions and inability to rest and relax, and suppression of those emotions as well as sexual frustration can lead to cruel and erratic behavior.

Advice: Take time to relax and process your emotions. Don’t bottle your feelings up; take time to exercise, and keep your surroundings peaceful. As you are one of water signs, you Scorpios benefit from taking trips to the sea, soaking in the bath, and drinking spring water opposed to tap water. 

Sagittarius: Sagittarius rules the liver, hips, and thighs. Sagittarians have sensitive livers, and they may be susceptible to overuse of alcohol and to hepatitis, since their ruling planet, Jupiter, governs the liver. They also may be susceptible to gaining weight in their later years, especially around the hips and thighs. They also are prone to chronic aches, fractures, sprains, and bruising in this area. 

Advice: You Sagittarians absolutely need exercise, fresh air, and sunshine daily, and you benefit from being around nature, but beware of the effect of the sun and wind, and be careful when walking, riding, or playing sports that you don’t injure your hips and thighs. 

Capricorn: The bones, joints, and knees are ruled by Capricorn. They may be prone to knee injuries and pains, stiff joints, arthritis, rheumatism, and orthopedic problems. Capricorn’s ruler, Saturn, governs the gallbladder, spleen, bones, skin and teeth. Capricorns’ teeth tends to need a lot of care, and their skin tends to be dry. Their own pessimism and worrying can cause body aches and drained energy. 

Advice: Be careful in the sun to avoid skin damage, and be sure to keep warm during cold or wet weather. Try to keep good posture, but don’t walk too stiffly. Colorful surroundings, flowers, good friends, and good music are sure to lighten your mood when you’re feeling low. 

Aquarius: Aquarius rules the circulatory system, shins, calves, and ankles. The lower part of the leg is more susceptible to cuts, bruises, sprains, and fractures than any other part of the body, and the ankles may be prone to swelling. Aquarians may suffer circulatory problems, low blood pressure, anemia, and hardening of the arteries, and cold weather is particularly hard on them. 

Advice: You Aquarians need fresh air and exercise to release tension and increase energy. Brisk walks are good for circulation, but avoid running, as you’re likely to trip and fall. Elevate legs to counteract puffiness. Afternoon naps are good for vitality, but avoid drinking excessive amounts of coffee as it makes you nervous. 

Pisces: The feet are ruled by Pisces. They may be prone to aches, bunions, corns, and callouses, as well as athlete’s foot and other fungal infections. Pisceans often afflicted by bruised, stubbed, or broken toes, and are prone to gout too. Pisceans find it hard to stand for long periods of time, and they have problems with ill fitting shoes. They also experience emotion related illnesses as they are one of the water signs. Pisceans may be more likely than others to fall prey to alcohol and drugs.

Advice: You Pisceans should keep a well balanced diet, a mild exercise regime, and be sure to get enough rest so that you can keep up your vitality. Dancing and swimming are good exercises for those of you born under this sign. Be sure to take care of your feet and wear comfortable shoes. A warm footbath before bed aids in relaxation and a good night’s sleep.  

Jealous much

(A/N): I decided why the hell not do a poly relationship?

Request:  Can you do an imagine where the reader loves Bucky/Steve, but he has a girlfriend and when the reader decides to move on he gets jealous or something ? ( please make it angst at first and then really fluffy at the end ) thank you 😊

Warnings: jealous super soldiers, swearing

Tags: @mcuimxgine, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @saradi1018,  @holland-toms,  @superwholockian309@fly-f0rever, @capbuckthor, @livandlilah

Originally posted by marvxl-trash

   You sip at your drink sadly, your spirits had been depleted hours ago and all you wanted to do was go to your room and sleep until Sunday but seeing as how this was Bucky’s 100th birthday that would be rude. So now here you were, drinking all alone in the corner of Tony’s bar as everyone danced and had a fan-fucking-tastic time, or more specifically Bucky and Steve.

   You wanted to growl in annoyance when you looked over at the rugged super soldiers, all tall and thick and- God no, you needed to stop thinking like that. They were your teammates for Christ’s sake and here you were, ogling at them. It’s not like it would ever work out anyways…they had girlfriends and damn good looking ones too. Steve had Sharon, beautiful, slender, badass Sharon and Bucky had some girl named Dot, some cute curly red haired, green eyed innocent little thing and well- you had no one but yourself and a bottle of scotch.

   With a dry chuckle you drink another shot, allowing the burning liquid to soothe your pain.

   You had no right to be jealous, they were never yours to begin with, what made you feel entitled enough to dictate who they dated or fell in love with? The last one sticks to your tongue, making the burning in your throat a million times worse.

   What if Bucky and Steve both fell in love with someone other than you? What if they settled down, finally started a family, and you never got the chance to tell them how much you loved them? Tears begin to pinprick your eyes but you refuse to let them fall, this was a joyous occasion, it was Bucky’s big one hundred for fucks sake, you couldn’t cry now but you could drown your sorrows in your lovely scotch. You take another swig of the burning liquid, allowing it to simmer in your mouth before gliding down your throat, leaving an even more unpleasant burning feeling. You cough a but, trying to rid your throat of the horrid burning when suddenly there’s a hand upon your shoulder, grasping it gently.

   “Heya,” You look back only to come face to face with a stranger- but a rather attractive one at that. “I’m Brent,” You smile to the best of your ability, cringing lightly at yourself.

   “I’m (Y/N),”

   “(Y/N)’s a very pretty name,” You blush a bit. God, you were blushing, how sad are you?

  “Thank you,”

   “So um- I saw you over here drinking scotch alone and I thought maybe you’d like to go dancing with me?” You let your eyes linger on the man, brown hair, blue eyes, a gorgeous jaw and the perfect height; he was like the love child of Steve and Bucky himself and you were more than attracted to him.

   “I can’t promise I won’t step on your feet,” Brent chuckles as he takes your hand in his, gingerly as possible as though you were made of porcelain.

   “A few broken toes is no big deal,” You laugh as you make your way to the dance floor, the intoxicating music slowly starting to get to you. All around people were dancing, some more reserved but for the most part everyone was grinding on each other, having a damn good time and well- you deserved to have a damn good time too. Immediately Brent’s hands settle upon your waist as you slowly begin to move to the best of the music. A little grind here, a little grind there. Before you know it the two of you are practically dry humping and amidst other people as well. It felt so dirty but it felt oh so right too. You bite your lip as you allow yourself to succumb to the moment, to let yourself finally be free of anything other than Brent’s hands upon your waist and the way his cock ever so deliciously-

   “(Y/N).” There was a dangerous growl, low and throaty and more than intimidating. You slowly open your eyes, feeling rather drunk on the music and Brent, and you slowly focus in on the two figures ahead of you, each one with their arms folded over their chest in an almost defensive manner. “(Y/N), can we talk to you? In private-” It was Bucky. It was Bucky and Steve both standing there, staring at you disapprovingly. Oh god- what had you done? What was wrong? Did they somehow did out about your love for them? Or maybe it was something worse?

   A million thoughts start swimming through your mind as you slowly step away from Brent, giving him a soft apology before stepping up to the two super soldiers.

   Their gaze upon you was scary, a dark almost predatory like look to them. You’d seen this look a thousand times before, usually directed at Tony or some enemies but never you. God- to get them to look at you like that meant you had to have done something horrible. Guess you’d be finding out in a few minutes… 

   The elevator ride up to Bucky and Steve’s shared floor was tense, with one soldier on either side of you, making you feel small and rather childlike. There was an almost angry air surrounding the two of them and it scared you more than anything.

   You replayed the last week in your mind, trying to figure out what you had done wrong. You had done all your training sessions, every mission was a success, you had bought Bucky a birthday present; what else was there that you could have messed up? Your throat runs dry as the elevator dings and both soldiers make their way out, thus forcing them out with you.

   “You guys-” your voice is shy and timid at best. “What’s going on? Why are you so angry?” Both Steve and Bucky chuckle, shaking their heads as though they were amused.

   “You really don’t know why were angry?” Bucky’s tone sends shivers down your spine, and not the pleasant kind either.


   “How about the fact you were essentially fucking some stranger right on the dance floor, does that ring a bell?” Steve’s tone is just as dark and it scares you more than anything else.

   “I-I’m sorry, everyone else was doing it, I-I thought it was okay,”

   “All that man was trying to do was get down your pants,” For some reason now is when your nerves return, full force at that too. You went from scared and helpless to confident and angry in only a matter of seconds.

   “And why do you care Rogers? Maybe you should focus less on me and more on that girlfriend of yours,” Steve growls as he suddenly lunges for you, pinning you to the wall behind you.

   “What if I don’t want anyone down these pants, hmm? What if I want you all to myself, ever thought of that?” You gulp as you look at Steve, at the dark look upon his face and the intimidating look in his eyes. “What if Bucky wanted you, what then? What if we both want you but you’re too fucking oblivious to all our attempts?” You look to Bucky who shares the same look with Steve, dark and intimidating.

   His words don’t even set in for a few moments as you play them over and over again in your head, mulling each word, syllable, and vowel meticulously.

   "Wait…you both- you both want me?”

   “Fuck yes,” Bucky growls, his voice lower than you had ever heard. “Wanted you since the moment we laid eyes on you doll,” You squirm withing Steve’s grasp, looking between the two men uncomfortably. It wasn’t exactly nice to be pinned by Steve or to have him and Bucky glaring straight daggers at you.

   “What about Sharon and dot?”

   “No,” Bucky shakes his head. “They don’t count- they’re not you, they’re not as special,” You gulp as Steve’s face looms over you, his rather scary gaze only making your heart rate increase.

   “This isn’t some kind of sick joke?” You whisper timidly, a bit too scared to know the answer. If Bucky and Steve were lying that meant a world of heartache for you but if they said yes that meant a million other things- two personal furnaces to keep you warm at night, more coffee to make in the mornings, more love to share and receive-

   “No, how many times do we have to say that we want you (Y/N)?” Steve’s voice is right beside your ear, sending almost pleasurable sparks up your spine.

   You sigh shakily as his words finally set in, Bucky and Steve wanted you, the two men you’d fallen in love with wanted you just as much as you wanted them. Steve goes to say something else, his lips in a near snarl when you pounce upon him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you hug him tightly. The man must have been thoroughly taken back by your sudden moves but only a moment passes before he’s melting into your embrace, any trace of anger having immediately been wiped from his system.

    “You can get in on this too Bucky,” You mumble from your place in Steve’s neck. There’s an almost disbelieving chuckle and suddenly another pair of arms wrap around you, making the hug that much better. Bucky’s head nuzzles against yours and your unable to stop the happy chuckles that falls from your lips as Bucky sweetly kisses your lips, soothing any nerves or fear you previously had.

   “Save some for me Barnes,” Steve chuckles as Bucky breaks away, licking his lips deliciously. Without a moment to waste Steve kisses you, his lips just as soft and sweet as Bucky’s. at this point you felt high on whatever was in the air right now, lust? Love? Whatever it was you were definitely feeling it but the sudden thump of music floors below you pulls you out if your almost high. You pull away from Steve, much to his dismay.

   “Bucky, what about your party?” Bucky smirks as he takes your hand, gently guiding you out of Steve’s embrace and down a hall.

   “I was thinking we could have a little party Of our own,” The soldier gives you a little flirtatious wink.

   “But what about everyone else and-”

   “What birthday boy wants birthday boy gets, right?” You nod your head, biting your lip. “And I want you naked and on my bed in a minute, you Better be ready for us doll,” Bucky smirks as he gives your ass a light smack as you walk into his bedroom, more like jump into the room due from the almost heart attack Bucky caused you. “One minute doll,” Bucky gives you one last wink as he closes the door, leaving you to get ready for not only him but Steve as well.

   You bite your lip as your fingers tremble to remove your shirt. You didn’t even know what you were to Bucky and Steve, special, you knew that much but that was it, there was nothing else to go on. But one thing was for certain at this point; this was going to be one hell of a night.

~Extended ending~

    Two pairs of arms wrapped around your waist snugly, two warm chest pressed against you, one to your front and one to your back. You hum softly as you nuzzle into the closest body; Steve. His warmth radiated off his body in waves, overtaking the freezing room and keeping you more than warm. Bucky was pressed behind you, his scruffy face nuzzled into your neck, his breath gently hit your skin as he breathed in and out.

   You groan softly as you try to stretch your limbs but with two super soldiers glued to you that was kind of hard.

   “Bucky- Steve,” You poke each man’s cheek in an attempt to wake them up. “Come on, I gotta go make breakfast,”

   “You don’t have to make breakfast,” Bucky whispers into your neck as he pulls you a little closer. Apparently a poke to his cheek had been enough to wake him up unlike Steve who was now burrowing into your chest like a dog or cat of sorts. “You can lay in bed with us for the rest of the day,” You smile softly as Bucky kisses your ear, his lips barely fluttering against your skin.

   “So no coffee or bacon?”

   “There’s that pancake house down the road, once Steve gets his lazy ass up we’ll go there, sound good?” You go to reply when suddenly an equally sleepy voice penetrates the air, making both you and Bucky chuckle softly.

   “I’m awake you ass,” it was times like these, when the three of you could simply be- no worry of the media or the other avengers, no worry about hydra or aliens from other dimensions- that you realized you loved your boys more than anything in the world.

anonymous asked:

Is there ever a good reason to turn your back on someone in a close-up fight (like spinning around or whatever) that isn't running away?

Okay, the Hollywood spin that you see in a lot of fight scenes is bunk. These random spins are just there because spinning is dynamic and looks better on screen.

The answer to your question is that we don’t really spin to dodge attacks, we utilize spins to gain momentum. If you take into consideration that power comes from the momentum of your body in motion, then spinning and jumping lend themselves to more powerful techniques.

Spinning techniques open up a can of worms when talking about real fights, not really whether or not they work. That’s not up for debate. The question is, should you risk it? It’s a combat philosophy question.

This is about risk versus reward.

Spin kicks and jump kicks are the more advanced versions of the basic and the intermediary kicks. Any spinning or jump technique will have a version on the ground that must be learned first. The more complexity is added to a technique, the more your fundamentals and basics become important. A sloppy hook kick will translate into a sloppy spinning hook kick. The more force there is at play then the greater the risk of injury to yourself if you mess up. Broken ankles, fractured toes, broken legs, busted or blown knees, torn tendons are all risks beyond just the standard pulled leg muscles.

Remember, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The more force you generate to put into someone else, the greater the chance that same force has of rebounding on you. Poor technique increases the chance of injury, but there is no way to ever do any of these techniques in complete safety. You have to trust yourself and your ability to perform.

Jump kicks, spin kicks, spinning hand strikes, and flying punches exist as techniques across multiple martial arts disciplines. The body in motion creates momentum which is the source of power. When you spin, or run, or jump, you create a lot more momentum then you will from a standing position. These techniques are the more powerful upgrades of their non-jumping, non-spinning, ground based counterparts.

Someone flying at you can break your bones, and its potentially lethal. There are dozens of videos from kickboxing matches and taekwondo tournaments showcasing knockouts from wheel kicks and 360 degree jump roundhouses. The wheel kick or spinning hook kick can and does knock people out in sparring matches, tournaments, and professional fights.

A landed kick will drive the force of the blow through the headgear or head protection meant to soften the impact. If they manage to land the wheel kick while jumping then it is even stronger than it was on the ground. Spinning and jumping combine into the ultimate power up. The art of the flying death kick is not a joke. Well, not completely. Lots of martial arts styles have their own variants on spin techniques, from spinning kicks to spinning backfists and even elbows. We can go back and forth debating in what context they work, but they do exist. They do work, and they populate many different martial styles.

Spin kicks, jump kicks, jump spin kicks, any spinning technique is risky business. They’re powerful finishers. They can be used as openers, but if you fail then you leave yourself wide open. Most of the time you’re going to need to set your spins up via combinations to create the necessary openings in your opponent’s defense. 

That said, turning your back on your opponent is a bad idea. Running away in close quarters when you haven’t created an opening is a terrible one. The same is true for spin techniques. You need great timing and the ability to create openings in order to pull them off. The crux of the issue is: they’re high risk, high reward. When we perform a spin kick is we’re turning our back on our opponent and trusting they’ll still be there by the time we’ve finished our turn. Your opponent is never just going to stand there and let you hit them. You’ve got to make sure they’re not going anywhere first.

The combat philosophy on spin techniques varies from individual to individual. Some will say never do it as what you get isn’t worth the risk, and others will do it and make it work. You’ve got to decide for yourself if the benefits outweigh the risks.

For writers, especially ones without experience, it’s important to understand that spinning jump kicks are among the most difficult kicking techniques. Spinning is advanced martial arts. If your character doesn’t come out of a strong kicking discipline, it’s unlikely they’ll ever consider you using them. Even if they do, they may decide they’re too risky.

If you, the writer haven’t figured out how the basic kicks like the front kick, the roundhouse, and the sidekick work then wrapping your head around the mechanics of a spin kick is going to be difficult. This is before we get to the combat applications of when or how we use kicks like the wheel kick, the spinning jump roundhouse, or the popup back kick.

And that’s okay if you look at these kicks, think they’re awesome, and when you sit down to try to write what you saw get confused by how they work. The advanced kicks are mysteries to the white belts too. That’s normal.

Mechanically, these kicks are fairly complex. Sometimes, there’s switching between the legs that happens. Multiple body parts are all moving at the same time. With the wheel kick, you turn and look over your shoulder, lift your leg, extend your leg, and spin in one almost simultaneous spin. You need to spin while balanced entirely on one leg, not overextend, not be thrown out of whack by your own momentum, and not be destabilized by sudden contact with another object that’s not moving.

It is not uncommon when learning these kicks to lose your balance and fall over, to experience vertigo, lose track of your target and get really dizzy. You stumble, you fall, you get scared. It can very be intimidating.

Writers, if you find yourself looking at these techniques and getting confused don’t worry about it. You’re seeing kicks that are studied between blue (in TKD basic popup kicks, axe kick, crescent kick), brown to red (wheel kick, jump axe kick, jump crescent kick, jump wheel kick, and advanced popups), and black belt (kicks like tornado kick, the 540, and the 720). These are kicks learned two to four years into a student’s training, when they have a strong foundation. Don’t get down on yourself for not being a black belt if you’ve never done martial arts.

Ironically, the best way to train your pen is start with writing the basic kicks and work up. If you can figure out the application for the back kick and the hook kick in a written scene, you’ll begin understanding the wheel kick.

If you want to watch the knockouts in action, here are some videos. (Warning: do not watch any of the following videos if you are uncomfortable with watching real human beings, some of whom are minors get knocked out.)  If you want to watch a lot of these in action then look up videos like The Best Taekowndo Knockouts KO. Or this Tornado Kick KO (360 degree jump roundhouse) from MMA. Lawrence Kenshin did a decent breakdown of these kicks. (Learning the Tornado Kick was how I fractured my tibia when I was twelve.)


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Tai Kwon Do

Just so you all know, it’s been a very long time since I stepped foot on a high school campus with the purpose of attending a class. I won’t say how long - just that I’m not quite elderly and not quite young.

One of the most hilarious memories I have of high school had to do with my boyfriend (at the time) and his best friend, who were both absolute idiots. These guys got themselves into the most precarious situations and were constantly in trouble for something or another. This story was no exception to their usual mode of conduct other than the fact that they learned an actual lesson.

So we had this English teacher - all of us had her because it was a tiny school - who was the “hot” teacher. It was such a small town that everyone knew her - she grew up there, students babysat her son, and she frequently had parties that kids’ parents would attend.

A rumor started that she had a gigantic, fully stocked liquor cabinet, so"Joe" (we’ll call Boyfriend’s friend Joe) came up with the brilliant plan to rob her. Yes - skip school, break into this woman’s house during the day, and steal her apocalyptic level, a-grade stock pile of alcohol. Probably $500 worth.

Boyfriend grabbed his drunken father’s truck, unbeknownst to Drunken Father, and picked Joe up the next morning, and they headed to English Teacher’s abode with the intent to literally drain her dry. Unfortunately for Joe, he had a huge mouth. He told everyone - I mean EVERYONE - that he was going to do this. So obviously someone made English Teacher aware that she was going to be ripped off by twiddle dee and twiddle dumb.

Now, most people would call the police, right? Or an overly nice individual would make emergency contact with the heathens’ parents. Not her. She just so happened to be a Tai Kwon Do instructor, and Joe just HAPPENED to make fun of her for it all of the time because she was also tiny. I’m talking like 110 lbs wet kind of tiny.

She left school during first period, parked her car down the street, and she waited. She sat behind her house for three hours waiting to watch these guys break into her house, shatter her liquor cabinet door, and put everything into the backseat of Boyfriend’s dad’s truck.

They did. And right as they were finishing up, giggling their stupid asses off on the front porch after also having finished off a fifth of Jim Beam, she showed up. Apparently she warned them first and Boyfriend was intelligent enough to hightail it, but JOE - being the bright little crayon that Joe was - laughed at her.

He laughed.

This teenie, wee little karate instructor/English Teacher, wearing heels and leopard print leggings, beat the holy living shit out of Joe. He did not return to school for ten days, and when he did he brought a broken hand, three broken toes, and eight stitches across his right cheek.

He never admitted to what happened to him, and she never said a word to a single soul. She did, however, mysteriously return to school with a sprained wrist.

The only reason I know that Joe had his ass handed to him by Mrs. English Teacher is because Boyfriend sat behind the tree line across the street from her house and watched, then when she finished, he picked Joe up and took him home. I’m guessing his mother took him to the hospital.

One last, sweet little detail - Joe pissed himself. Boyfriend blamed it on the alcohol, but I love to imagine it happening right as she shoved her four-inch heel into his foot as he laughed in her face.

Andrew: what did the doctor say?

Neil: “welcome, we haven’t seen you in eleven years.”

Neil: I haven’t been to the doctor in eleven years, how thrill is that?

Matt: your tone’s braggy, but your words are real sad.

Kevin: did he clear you for the game?

Neil: he said that I was perfectly fine, except for the three cracked ribs and a broken toe, which were right next to two other broken toes.

Andrew: did he clear you or not?

Neil: *laughing* he did not.

Leonard and the OTP

Anon Asked: Could you please write something with Leonard taking care of super drunk reader? I only ask because rn I’m drunk and need a doctor mccoy to cuddle me and watch me make a fool out of myselF

Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader

Word Count: 986

Warning: swearing, drunken confessions

A/N: My requests are closed right now but I was so tickled by the idea that popped into my head that I couldn’t help it! Hope you enjoy!!

Originally posted by kimmiearrington89

Y/N stumbled through the door into the dark quarters with a giggle, more drunk than she had ever been. Chekov had brought the cheap stuff to their weekly poker game night and Y/N had enjoyed it way too much!

“OW!” she yelled when she ran into a coffee table that shouldn’t have been there.

“WHAT THE HELL!?” a strong male voice yelled back from the general direction of the bedroom. A light came on, blinding Y/N as she hopped around on one foot, holding her hurt toes in her hands. “Y/N? What are you doing in here?”

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In Upstate NY we have a situation with a ferret who was just rescued from an abusive situation. He is malnourished and one of his paws is badly injured: missing a toe, entire paw is swollen, at least one broken toe. The person fostering him cannot afford the vet care he needs but she needed to get him away from the abuser.

If anyone of y’all are in NY state or close, or know someone who is that is experienced with ferrets/rehabbing abused ferrets and can afford the immediate vet visit, please, please contact me!

I have also contacted some rehoming/rescue groups. I would take him if we could afford the immediate vet bill (malnourished I can deal with). 

We do not know his age, origin, how is paw was injured, or how long he was kept without food or clean water.

anonymous asked:

Can you please write a part 2 to your "meeting his girlfriend" story? You wrote it for Niall. Please?

Part One

I knew Niall and Lonnie had broken up about a week after my outburst and subsequent disappearing act, but I was still shocked when Louis confirmed it over the phone one night.  He’d called to make sure I was alright.  He was concerned because he hadn’t seen me around lately.  And to be honest, it was nice to know that someone noticed I’d been gone.  Niall surely wasn’t concerned and I didn’t blame him.  

Niall had a very strict “no drama” policy.  And after what I’d done I was positive I’d totally violated it.  Niall also had a very Irish temper and I was in no hurry to experience it.  So I kept away.  

For the entirety of our relationship, three years, not one single day had gone by where we hadn’t talked to each other.  But it had been three months since I’d heard his voice.  It was killing me.

Louis assured me Niall wasn’t mad.  But Louis always had a knack for completely underestimating someone’s emotional state.  It wasn’t that he was insensitive, Louis was just unobservant.

Still, he did mention one thing that got me thinking.  Niall had broken up with Lonnie, not the other way around.  Niall never broke up with his girlfriends.  Ever. 

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anonymous asked:

So I've heard here and there about a concert 1D cancelled - I think it was in Belfast (???) And anyways it seems like a bog mystery because no one knows why they cancelled, but there must be some headcanon/theories out there? Was it about Larry?

In retrospect, there was a lot going on that day (20 October 2015). Here is a summary:

1. An article (InStyle) comes out stating that Louis’ infant daughter has been born
2. Louis gives several interviews about his impending fatherhood
3. Dan Wootton publishes an article saying Louis was signed to be an X Factor judge in 2016
4. Jamie Lawson, their opening act for the Belfast concert, performs.
5. An hour after the scheduled start of the concert, it is announced that the concert was cancelled because Liam has been taken ill (with diarrhea)
6. Harry, Niall, and Louis tweet apologies a few hours later
7. Louis tweets a link to the “Perfect” video
8. A “Perfect EP” is noticed on Spotify, including a new song, not included in MITAM, “Home.”
9. Simon gives an interview to Good Morning Britain (published on People’s website) that he tells Louis to “embrace” being a dad.
10. Louis tweets: I’ll make this feel like homeeeee
11. Louis tweets: 🏠
12. The next day, the boys do promo without Liam

Never before had a 1D concert been cancelled– not for broken toes, asthma, vomiting. It was confirmed that Liam was not in hospitals.

13. On 21 October 2015, the Bears’ Twitter account start their 5-day countdown. Here’s a summary:

In retrospect, there seemed to be two competing narratives. 1DHQ was pushing hard to continue babygate (with articles about the birth already written and ready to go); it was also pushing for Louis (and possibly Harry) to stay with Syco in some capacity.

A few weeks before Belfast, the transfer of majority shares of Syco to Sony took place. As a result, Simon lost the controlling interest of his company. In addition, the huge drop in share value meant a loss of several tens of millions of £ for Simon. BG may have started as a promotional strategy for Louis (to raise his profile after Zayn left) but turned into a way to bind him to Syco. Perhaps Louis realized it on that day.

Louis’ ties to Simon / Syco/ BG continue to this date.

The Silentbrother’s carriage had always made Tessa feel anxious. The way it drove through objects and over landforms like a ghost, and though she knew that they would pass through the closed gates of the institute, it never ceased to unsettle her.

Today was different though. She was anxious, but for another reason entirely.

She was done up in a simple olive dress that unbuttoned down the front—though it had to be, Tessa mused. Little James seemed to eat more than his father did. Her hair was braided simply and held at the back of her neck by a silver hair pin. She saw no need to dress up for the Silent City, even if Jem was there. He hardly cared for her physical appearance.

Across from Tessa sat her husband, his face obscured by dark curls as his head was bent looking at a small swaddled up bundle in his arms. Will had been that way the entire ride—looking up briefly at Tessa when James would open his eyes or coo the way babies did. Three times already had Will jerked up to exclaim, “Tess. Tessa, look. Look at him. Watch.”

She had smiled and shared his joy, though her mind was elsewhere.


She ran over every possible thought that he might have about her and Will’s small son. Happiness for one she was sure. It was Jem, he would always be happy for anything that brought happiness to Will or herself. Though she wondered, that in his secret heart of hearts if perhaps there would be some sadness, or worse, betrayal. She worried what he would think of her baby’s name, James. If he would look at it and think they had named him that as a memoir. That he was only a memory to them, and that they had forgotten he lived still.

Jem had not seen James yet, though he had been to the Institute on account of Will’s broken arm—that for one reason or another couldn’t have been healed with an iratze—when Tessa was eight months with James. Jem had known of the child before of course. It was he who had told her of him when she visited him on Blackfriars Bridge as they did every year.

They had sat against the balustrade of the bridge, hands laced. Tessa knew that he did not feel the physical contact. Not like she did at any rate, but he knew that she could feel it.

They had talked of everything—of her and Will, all the new children that just kept showing up—Cecily and Gabriel’s, Charlotte and Henry’s, Sophie and Gideon’s. She told him all the stories she had stored in her mind over the last year. The ones that she had turned to tell him only to realize that he was not there. That he was far beneath the stones and graves in the Silent City. They had sat almost the whole hour before his voice came in her mind, suddenly different from the tone he had used before. She didn’t imagine that most Silentbrothers really had a tone, and perhaps that was true for the rest, but she could always tell even the slightest change in Jem’s.

Tessa, he had said. And then he had said it. It had been blunt, and she had sat still, her hand going stiff in his, her mind racing. Elation was the first thing she felt. Then worry, and then fear. Was Jem hurt by it? Did he resent the blessing he had given her and Will?

Of course, Jem was there to comfort her and quell the thoughts.

I do not think ill of you, he had said. Neither do I think ill of Will. If there are two people who deserve happiness any more than you both, I could not name them. Will and I were one—we still are at one in our hearts, despite the physical distance, and you share both our hearts as well. To hate my own heart—to not feel joy when my heart does, he paused. Tessa, when you or Will rejoice, I rejoice. When you feel pain, I feel pain. Will once told me that I was his compass, and now it is his turn, and yours, to be my compass. We shared our hearts when we were young, and yours still beats and breaths and burns. And in that way, so does mine. Our hearts beat together, Tessa.

James cooed again and Will let out a laugh and his face broke out into an even larger grin. “Tess. Tess, look.”

She did. Little Jamie had both eyes open, and though they were unfocused as newborns were, he was staring up at Will, two pink chubby arms reaching out. Will laughed as James grabbed at one of his wayward curls, gripping and pulling his father’s head down.

It wasn’t hard for him to grab. Will hadn’t cut his hair and had hardly shaved in the last months of her pregnancy and the days following the delivery. He had been so worried and anxious and excited—more so than even herself.

“He’s got a good grip,” Will said, still laughing. Tessa moved over to the side he was seated on and leaned over his shoulder to peer down at their son. What they had created together.

“Hello Jamie,” she said rubbing back his dark wisps, the same color as his father’s, from his face. She would have held him, but she could not bear to take him away from Will. Ever since he had arrived Will had hardly set him down or given anyone else a turn, except for Tessa of course, though she had let him keep James for the most part, which usually included any time he wasn’t eating or sleeping, and even then he liked to hold him as he slept.

James pulled at his father’s curls again, this time harder so that Will’s head was further down and he could reach up and get another handful of black hair.

“Now why didn’t I think of that,” Tessa said, still petting at her son. “James, I might have to steal your idea. It seems to keep him in line doesn’t it.” And it had. The whole time James was having his fun gripping and pulling, Will had sat still, smiling down through his winces.

The carriage lurched to a halt, James fists losing from Will’s hair and a cry tearing from his throat. It appeared he had not liked the sudden stop anymore that Tessa did, though, like his father, he was quite inclined to share his opinion on the subject.

“Hey now,” Will said pulling him up to hold him close and rock him. It was such a funny sight, Tessa thought. Will had only grown broader since they had married, his arms now larger and more muscular than ever, and James looked so tiny in them. Though there was something else, less funny about it. The muscular arms around their son spoke a silent vow to keep him safe, to guard him against anything that might try to hurt him, and to comfort him should he need it.

The door to the carriage opened and a Silentbrother stood, hood drawn back. Welcome to the City of Bones, Herondale family. He held a stiff arm out towards the entrance.

Tessa held her breath. Will handed James over to her, carefully so that his head did not bob, and then exited the carriage. When he was down he helped her out, more help than was required by propriety, but Will had been nervous about her after the birth anyway, as it had not been an easy one, and she held their child in her arms.

The Brother led them into the Silent City and through the stone halls. Tessa was used to them by now though, and they no longer made her feel nervous or frightened. They shouldn’t have. She had been here enough times, very few times that weren’t in reason with Will and his antics to see his parabatai, and though she never minded seeing him and was glad at any chance, she sometimes wished she did not have to discuss her husband’s broken green toe with Brother Enoch, who took it in an uncomfortably serious manner.

I suspect, said Brother Enoch in front of them now, having been the one to lead them in, that you wish for Brother Zachariah to perform the ceremony.

“I will have no one else,” Will sounded absolute.

Brother Enoch did not respond, only continued to lead them down a series of winding hallways to a far door in one corridor.

Sister Magdalen and Brother Zachariah await you, was all he said.

Tessa and Will stopped outside the door. Will did not look at her, only straight ahead at the stone door. Tessa could see the excitement—it was the same look on his face every time he got to see Jem—but she could also see the worry in his posture and his blue eyes and she wondered if perhaps he had the same fears she did.

Holding James tighter to her bosom, she walked forward to the door. Will, seeming to come out of his daze, opened the door for her and allowed her to enter before doing the same and then closing it behind him.

The room was dimly lit by witchlight, as everything in the Silent City was, giving it an eerie glow and a cast shadows in every corner. In the middle of the room was a stone table, where she assumed she was to set her son. It looked very hard and unwelcoming to a newborn.

“Brother Zachariah,” said Will, even though he detested calling Jem that, there was an Iron Sister in the room and he did not want to get him in any trouble. “Sister Magdalen. We are here for the protection ritual for our son.”

“We are aware what you are here for, William and Theresa Herondale,” Sister Magdalen said. There was nothing harsh in her tone, neither was there anything welcoming, as was the case with the Brothers and Sisters of the Nephilim. It made Tessa see just how set apart Jem really was from them all. “Place the child on the stone slab and we shall begin.”

Jem had stood in the background, though when Tessa walked forward with the child he did the same, stopping at the table and pulling his hood back to expose his young face and closed eyes. The marks of the Brotherhood stood out stark on his cheekbones.

Tessa wrapped her sons blanket around him tighter as she went to place him on the table, though Will held up a hand to halt her and took his jacket off to place it on the table in a bundle so that it made a cradle of sort.

Smiling at the gesture, she pulled her son from her chest and laid him down on his father’s jacket. Jem stayed on one side of the table while Sister Magdalen moved to the other.

Then Jem spoke for the first time since they had entered the room.

And what is his name, he asked.

Tessa went still and looked to Will.

It was a moment before he spoke.

“His name is James,” he said. “James Herondale.”

The room seemed to go quieter than it already was. Even the howling dead seemed to still.

Little James cooed, breaking the void, and outstretched his tiny arms upward towards Jem, something his did often to Will and Tessa, but hardly to anyone else.

Jem stood stonily above him, his closed eyes staring down at James unseeingly. Though Tessa did not doubt that he saw. He saw more than anyone else, she believed. He had always seen her, he had seen Will, and the Brotherhood could not change that.

Then he turned, slowly, away from the table. Tessa was about to go forward but then he took his scarred hands and covered his equally scarred face, his shoulders turning in, and though he made no sound, Tessa knew he was weeping.

James continued to coo and make soft noises in the background.

This is my interpretation of the picture by Cassandra Jean. I’m not stealing her art, just using it as inspiration and I thought I’d post it with the story. We all know who drew it anyway. All characters are Cassandra Clare. Hope you guys liked it :)

art source: Cassandra Jean

Edit: I’m trying to get my followers up, so if you follow me, I’ll write a scene for you of your choice. I mean obviously there’s a limit on how much I can write, but for the first followers, let’s say 20 (if I ever get that many). Just write in the comments on here what you want me to write. Anything after 20 I’ll sift through and see if I love them.

You have been known to call upon Brother Zachariah for a broken toe.”
“It was turning green,” said Will.
“He’s right,” said Tessa. “Green doesn’t suit him. Makes him look bilious.
—  Gabriel Lightwood, Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy
The depth of you

Written for the gorgeous @coloursflyaway based on her super cute post that I saw yesterday (and will link to when I am home and not on mobile). Hopefully this is half as cute :D

@insanereddragon @lady-mephistopheles @agent-eggy @bouncybrittonie @liprouvaire @trekkiepirate @virgosista

The depth of you

Nowadays, it’s pretty rare to catch Harry without his glasses. Oh, he had always been a paranoid bastard who would wear them as soon as he set foot outside his house, but now, even in the intimacy of his home he usually has them on.

Not because his paranoia got worse, but simply because it means less stubbed toes and broken glasses. Because that’s one consequence of losing an eye not many people think of. His depth perception is completely screwed.

Luckily for him, Merlin has been able to rig something for him so he’s more than functional on missions. How exactly he doesn’t know, but it must have been impressive enough to make Ginger look at the man with hearts in her eyes when he had started throwing technical terms at Harry.

He wouldn’t mind always wearing them, but unfortunately, the glasses become unbearable when the migraines that sometime plague him strike. Accurately learning the layout of his new home has made it on the top of his priority list after crashing into the same doorframe thrice in a row and worsening the pain he was already feeling at the time.

And if he’s being honest, he had started to use the glasses as a mask, another part of his armor. It was getting rather tiring to not be able to be himself even in his own company.

It takes him a while before getting this epiphany though. Takes until he’s having afternoon tea with Eggsy, the boy foregoing the scones he spent all morning to make in favor of the gummy worms he brought with him.

It takes Eggsy smiling about something or another and Harry answering, completely unguarded, for once taking note of his heart beating fast and his cheeks slightly warmer than usual.


He’s been hiding from many things hasn’t he?

Well, he’s growing rather tired of tiptoeing around in his own life, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but nothing will ever change if he doesn’t start taking action again.

Which doesn’t mean he should lean into Eggsy to kiss him like he’s wanted for far longer than he dares to admit, but there he is pressing closer and…

Ends up completely missing his target and headbutting the poor boy instead.

As if it wasn’t already bad enough for his ego, Eggsy who had looked so intent on Harry’s lips not a moment ago, bursts out laughing, a loud and uncontrollable sound.

He is about to get up and go hide in the bathroom or something when Eggsy, still laughing joyously, grabs him by the lapels of his jacket and tugs until Harry is half lying on top of him. Halfheartedly, he tries to get free, but Eggsy is definitely clinging to him now, as if he cannot bear to let him go.

If it’s closeness he wants, not even a bruised ego will make Harry deny him such a simple pleasure and he carefully rearranges their limbs so that they are both comfortable, even with Eggsy’s body still shaking from laughing too much.

His ego doesn’t matter much after all, not when Eggsy is trying, and failing, to kiss him back. He might not headbutt him in his attempts, but lost in his mirth, his lips catch the tip of his nose, his cheeks and his chin more often than they meet with their real target.

In fact, his ego is entirely forgotten when he finally takes pity on Eggsy and cups his face between his hands and guide him until their lips make contact.

It’s not the best kiss he’s had, not with Eggsy still chuckling, but already, it’s one of his favourite.

Because it’s a new beginning with the person who grew to mean so much to him.

Because it’s a happy moment, when you ignore the initial embarrassment.

Because, apparently, Eggsy wants to kiss him just as much as he does.

So no, it’s not the best kiss he’s had.

But it’s definitely not one he’ll ever forget.

anonymous asked:

evie headcanons?

I gotchu.

 - I’ve seen so many head canons and fics where EQ encourages Evie to having an eating disorder, like anorexia or bulimia, but I don’t see that happening. I think EQ would be more of a “no boy wants a girl made of skin and bones and vomit makes your breath smell!” so she pushes Evie to have a ‘perfect’ body with curves and glowing skin

 - because of that, Evie is into eating really healthy and working out with like running or yoga

 - super protective big sis to Carlos. Evie is really protective over any of her friends, but Carlos was the first person she befriended, so they’re like siblings

 - first person Carlos told about his crush on Jay and he’s super shaky and nervous like this is some huge secret. Evie’s like “hun, I’ve known that since the day we met, I always thought you just didn’t wanna talk about it”

 - really admires Lonnie and how she’s breaking down the stereotypes of women and is inspired by how Lonnie never lets her gender be a limit

 - always carries a nail file. Not just for manicures on the go but because they are a wonder, inconspicuous weapon that can take someone’s eyes out

 - hey, she’s pretty and feminine, but Evie is an Isle girl. On top of the nail file, she always hides a knife in her boot

 - oh yeah, science lab has access to all kind of acids and chemicals that she knows very well how to use

 - makes an attempt to stay in contact with EQ, who never hides her disappointment in Evie’s lack of a prince, but is proud in her daughter’s fabulous clothing line

 - Queen of Science Club

 - invests in smudge free lipstick because Mal always likes to jump and smooch her when Evie isn’t expecting it

 - flirty and gorgeous meant a lot of boys thought she was easy, but anyone who grabbed her ended up with broken toes and a bloody nose

 - just really loves high-waisted shorts

 - she and her friends don’t know how to swim, but Evie and Jay are the only ones who want to learn (and not just because tankinis are adorable)

 - it takes some time and awkward after-class talks, but eventually grows to respect Mr. Deley. They never have a good relationship, but he does apologize for threatening to have her expelled

 - goes out of her way to avoid Snow White for as long as humanly possible and when they do finally meet, the step-sisters are awkward and bumbling before just kind of bonding over how crazy EQ is

 - since she was the last to join the group (according to the books, Evie never left her castle until she was 16), she always feels like she doesn’t really belong with her friends and that makes her compensate in weird ways. She steals Jay’s t-shirts to use as pajamas and holds Carlos’ hand in between classes and plays with Mal’s hair whenever she can