aBroha – A way to say “hello” and “goodbye” to your bro.
Brocaine – Cocaine injested during a circle snort.
Brocrastination – Killing time with your bros in order to avoid something tedious and soulcrushing your girl has in store for you.
Breastinations – Places where chicks gather to be with their own.
Brotocol – A protocol to be followed by bros.
Brocial contract – A contract among bros that says you’re all there to drink until the bar closes, someone gets arrested, or someone gets violently ill.
Broordinates – Coordinates for finding a bro in a crowded room/party.
Bro- D. – To o.d. on a bro: “Oh man, don’t invite Reggie. I’m kind of bro- D’ing on him. I’ve seen him three times this week and am suffering brolonged exposure.”
Bropacetic – Copacetic among bros; the opposite of fellodrama.
Brostalgia – Nostalgia for something you did with your bro or bros.
Brobituary – An obituary delivered at your bro’s wedding. Your bro’s life is over as he knows it!!
Brotographs – Photographs of your bro. Those Brodak Moments!!
Broing pains – Ah! The pains of growing among Bros!
Bro- down – A two-beer peace summit in which you attempt to resolve your differences over a couple of brewskies.
Brofessor – A bro who still remembers how to add and substract.
Bromance – Romance between two bros.
Bropose – When a bro proposes another bro to be his lifelong bro.
Bropponents—Bro bashers who are opposed to bromosexual relationship between two bros.
Cerebro – The bro who does the thinking for you. You’re R2-D-Dude and he’s C-3P-Bro.
Dudeonym – A name that only your dudes call you.
Dudescussion – A dudes-only discussion.
Dudevorce – A divorce between two bros who were in a brolationship.
Fellabrate – To celebrate with the fellas: “Jim just got divorced! Fellabration!”
Fellodrama – Melodrama between fellows.
Fembrace – A feminine embrace that causes you to wonder if a bro is “being straight with you.”
Frataclysm – Something earth-shattering that befalls a frat: a fratastrophic disaster that might lead to the downfall of a Greek empire, as seen in Animal House, Revenge of the Nerds, Assault of the Party Nerds, and Old School.
Friendjamins – Hundred dollar bills, lent to a friend.
Galibi – An alibi you give your bros to make it look like you bailed for tail.
Guyamese twins – Two guys who are pretty much inseparable. Practically attached to eachother via a chumbilical cord!!
Guynamic – The dynamic between bros. “Dude, this Yoko is totally throwing off the guynamic.”
Ho- blivion – The oblivion that bros sometimes vanish into when they get a ho.
Herfews - A curfew his wife has imposed, usually for clitiotic reasons.
Homieopathy – Hanging with your homies in order to take the hurt off of something like a bad breakup.
Hommitment – A commitment you made with a ho that prevents you from hanging out with your bros.
Manecdotes – Anecdotes among men.
Manalyze – To analyze someone you’ve just met in order to determine his degree of manliness.
PAL 2000 – when a bro who seems to have your best interest at heart suddenly turns on you like HAL 2000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey, usually by giving you bad advice and claiming it’s for your own good.
Paltruism – Selflessly being there for your bro like you’re a real Brother Theresa.
Spawnversation – An awkward conversation about your bro’s kid.
Testosterzone – Places where men gather to be with other men.
Wannabro – A dork who tries to be a bro but is nothing but a wannabe.
Alcofall – A common type of bingeury that occurs due to excessive alcohol, also known as a “beer spill.”
Barchipelago – A group of bars clustered together for easy hopping.
Barjack – To take over a bar by force, whether by brolling deep or by being obnoxious jackasses: “Dude, let’s go to Futtbuckers!” “But it’s trivia night.” “So what, we’ll just barjack the place. Put on your boots, there’s going to be a bro storm!”
Barnacle – Chumps who attach themselves to the bar like barnacles, preventing you from getting a drink.
Bar par – The number of drinks that it’s appropriate to consume at a given bar. “Dude, this is the Swiggin’ Brigand—you’re six shots and one funnel under the bar par.”
Barsenal – Your alcoholic arsenal. “I always keep absinthe in my barsenal—the stuff is ginamite.”
Barticipate – To participate in something that happens in a bar, or in going to a bar. “We’re headed to Babes on Board for a boobs cruise. Barticipation is mandatory!”
Barticulars – The details about which bar you’re meeting up at, etc.
Benderdome – A one-on-one drinking session cum competition between you and your bro in which “two men enter, one man leaves,” in the tradition of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
Bingeury – An injury that occurs during a binge.
Blottomobile – A car whose passengers are totally blotto.
Bombaraderie – A special brand of camaraderie brought on by Irish Car Bombs.
Bongversation – A conversation that occurs while a bong is being passed around. These marijuanversations usually explore matters of bongtology—life as interpreted by people hitting the water pipe.
Break ﬂuid – Water, when consumed in order to take a break from drinking or to put the brakes on a drunken mistake. “Good thing I got some break luid in me or I would’ve made a move on Bill’s fiancée.”
Brewdonym – Your drinking name.
Brew manchu – A Fu Manchu–style mustache created by beer foam.
Brewnanimous decision – A unanimous decision made by members of your drinking party as to where to go next, usually a strip club.
Brewthanasia – The killing of a beer; also called a beer death experience.
Brojectile vomit – When your bro gets caught in your chunder-storm.
Brorangutan – The apelike creature you become after pounding a few with your bros.
Brotal recall – A bro’s total recall for what you did last night while hit-shammered.
Cock-a-doodle brew – A beer that’s consumed first thing in the morning.
Fargone-versation – An exchange that occurs while you and the other party are totally far gone.
Flaccid rain – Hard liquor that makes you go soft, or brews that cause beerectile dysfunction.
Fow-carb diet – A diet that consists of letting carbs low into your body via booze and brews.
Freebauchery – Debauchery that costs you nothing.
Gramouﬂage – Something used to camoulage a gram of coke: “A baby powder bottle is the perfect gramoul age. Unfortunately my sister came over and used mine on her kid and I ended up having to snort blow off of a toddler’s ass.”
Halley’s vomit – A vomit comet the likes of which you see once in a lifetime.
Kegulations – Regulations that apply to a keg or kegger—for instance, “There will be no Easter kegs—kegs that you hide from the rest of the party for easy access.”
MC Hammered – The state of being so drunk that you forget that you’re a white dude and you start thinking you can dance or act gangsta, when really you’re a poseur like MC Hammer.
Neanderbrawl – A brawl that occurs among drunken neander-thals.
Bloodweiser bottle – A bottle of Bud smashed against someone’s bloody skull.
Spar stool – A bar stool hoisted by the legs and used either to keep someone at bay or to hammer him in the head.
Lemon/lime mace – A lemon wedge sprayed in an aggressor’s eyes in order to disorient him so you can bring the Bloodweiser bottle down. Or pepper spray them by dousing Tabasco sauce in their eyes.
Floormaldehyde – The sticky barroom floor can hold people in place while you beat them.
Spray gun – A tonic dispenser sprayed in the face of a rival in order to disorient him, and then wrapped around his throat to strangle him.
Shotglass put – A shot glass that you hold against your neck while twirling around, then launch at someone on the other side of the room.
Gincendiary device – The classic Molotov cocktail, or “dirty (martini) bomb.” Use it only if you’re up against the entire bar and your only option is to set the place on ire and become a barsonist.
Cueiville slugger – A pool cue swung across someone’s face like it’s a baseball bat.
Palcohol – Alcohol that’s acceptable to consume with your pals -the opposite of galcohol.
Pourizontal – Poised so that someone can pour beer in your mouth from above.
Prebauchery – The party before the party.
Rebauchery – To participate in further debauchery the morning after excessive drinking.
Roundhog – A bro who greedily hogs the rounds that other people buy for him, but burrows deep underground when it comes time.
Slurchase – A purchase made while you’re drunkenly slurring your words. These usually spark calls from your credit card company when they see you spent one thousand dollars at a place called Jiggling Piggies and they don’t recognize your drunken signature. Just tell them, “Don’t worry, that’s just my blottograph.”
Sobriepee – A piss that helps you determine your level of sobriety.
Speakquilibrium – The ability to speak without slurring your words. “Dude, don’t call in sick for work until you get back your speakquilibrium.”
The stripping point – Somewhat like the phenomenon explored in Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point, the stripping point is the precise moment at which shots of Jäger cause a chick to want to get naked with you.
Swignominius – Shameful due to one’s inability to swig alcohol like a man: “Dude, you puked before making bar par? You should be deeply ashamed of this swignominius behavior.”
Throngversation – A conversation in a loud, crowded bar.
Trojan whores – Hot chicks that you hide amidst in order to get into a club: “The doorman wasn’t going to let us in but we told these Trojan whores we’d buy their drinks all night if they took us in with them.”
Astrolobitch – A girl who uses astrology in a bitchy manner.
Bag hag – 1. A woman who only dates douchebags and seeks them out at wanker- banker bars and other douchetinations. These girls believe that a kiss can magically transform a chode into a prince. 2. A woman who covets tacky bags.
Blobfuscate – To attempt to obfuscate one’s fat, usually by wearing excessively revealing or concealing outfits, or painfully ugly ouchifits.
Brantourage – A bevy of scantily clad female followers, sometimes referred to as a “stable of bitches.”
Breastpionage – The act or practice of spying on a chick’s breasts. It’s your duddy duty to seize any and all gawkertunities, no matter where you are, who you’re with, or who your target is with. Is she leaning over a wheelchair to adjust her ailing grandmother’s IV tube? Bust out the skinoculors. Is she wearing “pas de bra” while pooper scooping? Put on your guyfocals. It’s important to have good “scoping mechanisms,” or you’ll never be able to properly cleavaluate a woman. You’re going to encounter plenty of gawkward situations where you’re not sure whether or not you should satisfy your chimpulses, but in the end those basic animal needs must be met. When lesh is being lashed, peeping is oglebligatory.
Broing along – Going along with the bros.
Cashstrate – To castrate by having way more cash than you: “The dinner tab bounced my credit card and she whipped out two Benjis. She totally cashstrated me.”
Chargument – An argument that leads to a house or drinking establishment burning down—for instance when Left Eye Lopes burned her man’s mansion to the ground.
Crampage – A rampage brought on by PMS cramps. “Yo, let’s get some brews tonight. I need to get out of the house because my girl’s on a crampage.”
Dresspionage – Trying to peep up a girl’s dress.
Dumpedfounded – Dumbfounded as to why you were dumped.
Duty text – To text your girlfriend out of obligation, not because you actually want to communicate with her or to booty text her. “Watch my beer, guys—I gotta duty text my girlfriend.”
Emascudate – To date a man in such a way as to emasculate him.
Fembellishment – A distinctly female form of exaggeration.
Femcroachment – When a chick encroaches on your personal space or your established routine.
Flack Friday – An expression that indicates the inevitability of getting lack from your boys on Friday because you need to hang out with your girl or lack from your girl because you’re with your boys.
Gaysay – To gainsay (i.e. deny or dispute) by saying, “He’s gay!”
Ginaralize – To generalize about vaginas. Guys love to make “blanket generalizations” about how certain types of chicks are under the covers. Even a nookie rookie who’s only done it once in his life—with a pimply albino pygmy—will insist that pimply albino pygmies are the best and will construct an elaborate theory to prove it.
Guyjack – When a guy highjacks a girl from the dude she’s with, also called “ho poaching.”
Herrands– Emasculating errands that you’re forced to run for your girlfriend. The only time it’s acceptable to run an errand for a girl is if you’re helping her do something for you.
Ho- bot – A chick who’s hot but has the personality of an automaton; also called a hot-tomaton.
Ho couture – Clothing worn by a woman of loose morals and tight outfits.
Ho-stalgia – Nostalgia for someone you’ve dated.
Hot dog – A girl that, like a hot dog, is an amalgam of the lesser parts of hot girls. She’s not as juicy as a grade-A steak but she’ll hit the spot when you’re really hungry.
Jersey girl – A girl whose love of the game amounts to wearing the jersey of the player she thinks is hot. Can also be used to rag on a dude who wears the jersey of a pretty-boy athlete.
Jizdemeanor – An instance of jizzing that you consider a misdemeanor rather than a deeply criminal case of cheating on your girlfriend: “I don’t get why she’s lipping out because I got a happy ending from some mamasan—it’s just a jizdemeanor.”
Legsibitionist – A girl who has legs and knows how to use them.
Mace face – A face that makes you wish you were temporarily blind.
Mammouﬂage – Camouflage of the mammary area that makes it hard to breastimate.
Marrogance – The arrogance of a newly married man.
Martha Screwert – A girl who is anal in the bedroom –and not in the good way.
Perversatile – Able to adopt whatever perversion is necessary for the situation.
Planties – Panties that a girl plants in order to blow your chances should another girl come over your house.
PMScalate – To escalate due to PMS: “Sorry dude, I can’t go out to night. My girl’s paranoia has totally PMScalated and she’s convinced I’m cheating on her. But say hi to the girl I hooked up with last week.”
Primprisonment – Being turned into a girl’s “primp gimp” while she puts her makeup on.
Responsenility – Being senile about your responsibilities—usually as pertains to your relationship.
Retargument – A retarded argument you have with your girl-friend.
Ringlish – The language of marriage.
Tittiosyncrasies – Tit-related idiosyncrasies.
Vilentine’s Day – A vile holiday in which your girl expects to be shot in the heart with an arrow and you want to be shot in the head with a bullet.
Carbecue – 1. “Baking” a car by lighting up a joint. 2. Trashing your old car—or someone else’s—by dousing it in gasoline and setting it on fire.
Chillettante – One who is a total dilettante when it comes to chilling.
Chilliards – Billiards, when played for the purposes of chilling with your bros.
Chill-tempered – Naturally inclined to chilling. Sometimes you’re so chill-natured that you become chillustrious, i.e. renowned for chilling like the Dude in The Big Lebowski.
Chip trip – 1. A trip to the conve nience store to pick up chips for the game. 2. A trip to the nearest town with a casino, for the purposes of poker or other forms of gambling: “Oh you’re going to Vegas—is it a chip trip or a splaycation?”
Cigarsenal – Your arsenal of cigars: “I always keep a Cuban in my cigarsenal.” Note that this can also include anything you keep in a cigar box, including weed, etc.
Clinch mob – A drunken mob that takes to the streets after a team has clinched the pennant or a championship.
Cock shock – When you go to a party expecting a “breast fest” but walk into a meat hang: “Dude, it was a total sausage fest. I went into cock shock.”
Couch ouch – The pain you feel when your couch dance is over and you have to surrender your money.
Crackcident – 1. A crack-related accident (see Tampa xccident). 2. A car or bike crash that occurs while you’re staring at a girl’s butt crack, sometimes called a “rearender.”
Douchetination – A location where “the douche is loose.”
ESPNvy – A chick’s jealousy over your love of ESPN.
Fanbulance – An ambulance that carts away an injured fan.
Fandiloquence – The grandiloquence of a sports fan who, though he normally has the cognitive and conversational skills of a shaved ape, suddenly becomes an eloquent statesman when fanalyzing his team, rattling off stats, trivia, and complicated theories like he’s a member of Mensa. Football fans often show off their NFLoquence when engaging in NFLocution, and fans of every sport are apt to launch into manageremiads— jeremiads about how the manager needs to be fired.
Fanimal – A fan who’s so hardcore that he’s on the verge of becoming a wild animal—as if he has taken fanabolic steroids. He often becomes fanimated to the point of fantagonizing the opposition and breeding rampant fanimosity.
Fan tan – Literally, the tan you aquire after a day at the stadium, when you drink so much that you forget to get out of the sun—or figuratively, the pasty white skin you acquire from guybernating and watching college football all day.
Fanthem – 1. A team song or wincantation, such as the Bears’ “Super Bowl Shufle” or the Braves’ tomahawk-chop chant. 2. The song that plays for a player as he runs out to greet the fans during pre- game or steps up to the plate. 3. Melodramatic NFL Films music.
Freegurgitate – To house food that’s on the house, usually bar grub that’s been sitting around for several days or pizza that’s about to be thrown out ive minutes before the slice joint closes.
Fun-up – To one-up someone by bringing way more fun to the table: “I thought I was a rock star for bringing a Twister mat and some Crisco but Chuck fun-upped me by bringing a Moon Bounce and some twin sisters.”
Gay or stay – An expression used when deciding whether it’s safe to dine or drink with your bro in a certain bar or restaurant: “I don’t know man—I hear the rib eye is good here but I see a lot of candles. Gay or stay?”
Gentertainment – Any form of entertainment that’s intended for gentlemen, whether it’s an ice hockey game or the “Cans Film Festival” your bro is throwing.
Guybernation – Indulging in some “he time,” usually to avoid the girlfriend or the bros.
Guybrary – A library that establishes you as a man’s man.
Guygestion – The act of manly digestion.
GuyTunes – a music collection, often found on a guyPod, that’s chock full of manthems.
Gymdigenous wildlife – Manimals that are indigenous to the gym.
Highorities – Your priorities for getting high: “Dude, what are our highorities here? Coke or weed? White socks or green pants? Or should we wear our white socks with our green pants?”
Jack slacks – Pants that you wear to a strip club in order to truly milk the experience. Unless you’re someone like Joey Buttafuoco, these are usually pants you’d never wear in public, such as track pants or Cumbros (Umbros worn for the speciic purpose of coming). “Dude, you might want to change. This club is classy,they’re not going to let you in wearing jack slacks.”
Mansportation – Transportation of a manly nature.
Maximum cockupancy – When a party is full of dudes: “Bro, this party is a big box of cocks. The room is at maximum cockupancy.” When this happens, immediately focus your honar so you can go from bags to bitches.
Whorescent lighting – The low, sometimes luorescent strip club lighting that makes everything look better—except for your chronic dandruff. It also makes it hard to tell whether the girl in front of you is a man or a woman, but maybe that’s for the best. When a strip club has ultra-vile lighting you’re inevitably haunted by a panapoly of C-section scars, hail damage (also known as ’ttock pocks), and cellublight. In fact, when the lights are up, you might experience stripecac—an instance of stripping that reveals a body that’s outright nauseating.
Wintimacy – The intimacy that is established between two total strangers when their team wins.