Brittany sat on the couch with her hands in her hear and a tear running down each cheek. Sobs rocked her body. The house was filled with her son Winter’s crying. It wasn’t sad crying or attention seeking crying; it was wailing. His body was rigid, his little fists next to him and his face was red.

She had been desperately trying to calm him down but nothing would soothe him. She knew why. Santana had always sat down with him to watch movies on Saturday, while Brittany did some work. He wanted his mama to sit down with him and cuddle him… only she couldn’t. She wasn’t here anymore.

Santana was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer two years ago. She’d had problems with a cough that wouldn’t go away, but she blamed it on her smoking. She didn’t tell Brittany about how she coughed up blood, how her chest ached and how tired she was. When Brittany had found a tissue with blood on, she dragged her wife to the doctor and that is when a diagnosis followed. 

Santana bravely went through treatment, but she lost the battle two months ago. She died at home, as she made Brittany take her home a week before she died. She didn’t want to be in the hospital anymore and she knew she would be passing away soon. She died in Brittany’s arms, after forcing out her last words. She told Brittany she loved her and their son, that she was so incredibly lucky to have had her and demanded that she would become happy again after she died. Brittany silenced her with a kiss. When she pulled back, her wife took her last breath.

Telling her son had been almost as hard as losing her wife in her arms. He hadn’t understood and to this day he sometimes asks when his mama is coming back. He hasn’t been the same since Santana passed away. He has been angrier, more aggressive and more mouthy than he used to be. Brittany doesn’t know what to do. She has no clue.

That is why now she had temporarily given up and just let herself cry. She was so tired, so alone. She needed her San to take her in her arms and press her lips against her temple. She needed San to be there for Winter, to fill this emptiness in the house.

Brittany looked up as she heard the doorbell ring and for a minute, she considered not opening. When there was another ring, she got up and wiped her face. She opened the door and came face to face with Rachel. She said nothing and just looked at her with empty, tired eyes.

[a double date]

After an incredibly dull first week back at school, the weekend had finally come, which meant it was time with her double date with Brittany. If she was being honest, Matt Rutherford was the perfect boyfriend. He didn’t talk much, and she was 99% sure he was actually afraid of her, so he would never call her out on her infidelity. Plus he was on the football team. He served her purpose perfectly. Santana wasn’t too eager to have him butting in on her time with Britt though, but that’s what a double date was for. Exposure. Two hot Cheerio’s with boyfriends on the football team? They were making a name for themselves without the help of Quinn, who drove Santana up a wall every time she tried to lord her head Cheerio status over her head. She gave in and became a member of Celibacy Club for her despite being anything but celibate, but that’s all she was going to give her favorite frenemy. At least for now.

Brittany was coming over to get ready, and Santana had her curling iron already warming up. Her best friend was soon-to-be-dating Mike Chang, who seemed harmless enough and was Matt’s best friend. It was a pretty sweet deal, one that Santana could see working for them for a good amount of time. That is, until Matt finally gets tired of her cheating on him, but by then Santana has her popularity clocked at an all time high, and letting him fall to the wayside won’t have an effect on her rising social status. Boys were just pawns in her plan. But Brittany was her constant. Her ride or die. Santana was determined to take Brittany to the top with her.

When she head the doorbell ring, she was quick to shout that it was Brittany and that she got it to her mom who was cooking dinner in the kitchen. She quickly padded down the stairs and opened the door with a genuine smile, happy to see her best friend. “Hey B,” Santana said, her mom shouting an ‘Hola Brittany’ from the other room. “Did you bring sleepover stuff?” she asked as she led them back up the stairs to her room. Once they were both inside, Santana patted the back of the chair in front of her vanity, motioning for Britt to sit down on it. “How do you want your hair?”

Come Home // Brittana

Santana didn’t think coach’s lecturing, well in his opinion it was probably  a pep talk but still, could last any longer. The man already held them longer than usual and she was ready for the drive home with her brother to go and see her girlfriend. The thought put a smile on her face and her brother nudged her giving her a look before they were allowed to go. Finally, she thought with a grin as she and Mychal grabbed their bags and headed to the car. Driving home took even longer, but Santana just thought it was because she wanted to see Brittany, and the baby, and no. She was so caught up in thinking of the blonde that she didn’t realize they were home until the door slamming shut snapped her out of her thoughts. Grinning, she grabbed her stuff and hurried out the door, heading straight inside her childhood home ready to see her girlfriend.

8: Emptiness

Brittany had never felt this devastated. She didn’t want to speak to anyone, the cheerfulness had been sucked out of her and all she wanted to do was sit and stare at the wall as if it would give her any comfort. She was broken and nothing could fix her. Sitting through classes and going out with friends became chores and she wanted nothing more than to just not exist. Time seemed to disappear and she didn’t know what day it was or when she had to do what. It was unhealthy and so many people were worried about her. Brittany was fine, she just had to keep telling people that. Nothing was wrong with the girl who used to smile all the time and now couldn’t even have a reaction when someone made a bad pun. She wrote too, she wrote all of her thoughts and how she felt so empty. Every time Santana’s name would appear in her journal she crossed it out and burst into tears. Moving on seemed to be the only option but she couldn’t, she just couldn’t.

Convincing herself to go out and actually enjoy outside seemed impossible. Not when she was still emotionally unstable. Brittany did her best to make herself look presentable and not like she had been sobbing in her room for hours. There were a lot of people out in the quad but they didn’t seem to pay attention to anyone but themselves and it relieved her. She took a seat under one of the trees and opened her journal. Perhaps finishing her writing assignment would keep her mind off of her emotions. Her short story was coming along great and all she needed was to finish it so she didn’t have to have the assignment hanging over her head. She sat there, taking deep breaths and trying to focus on her work but it wasn’t helping and she still felt pain. Her ears perked up as she heard someone approach her and by default she ignored them. She didn’t want to interact with anyone at the moment.

5: She’s Not Even Mine

Santana had been staring at Brittany for the last half an hour. She’d concluded that libraries were some kind of bad luck for her–every time she walked into one, something went wrong. There was that time that she accidentally knocked over an entire bookshelf, that time she got busted for being high and now this. Her hands balled up into fists and she growled under her breath, risking another glance at Brittany and the stranger sitting next to her. They’d been sitting and laughing since she’d gotten here, and it was pissing her off. They definitely looked way too close for her liking. Were they dating or something? Santana wasn’t sure why she was so jealous, either. She’s not even mine, she reminded herself mentally, tearing her gaze away from the two. Her willpower didn’t last long though, and she found her eyes wandering back to the couple. Lip curling in disgust, she picked up the nearest object (an eraser) and hurled it, chuckling when it hit the stranger square on the back of the head, and quickly ducking behind a bookcase so that they wouldn’t see her.

Pillow Talk || Brittana

Friday night had been amazing. Beautiful dinner out, catching a movie. A quick dance at one of their favorite nightspots. Then back to Brittany’s to just spend the night together. And it had been a beautiful night too. Nothing frenzied about it. It was slow, calm. With Brittany and Santana, it never had really been just sex, though some nights you’d think otherwise. It was making love, because they were madly in love. And this Friday, it was definitely more on the tender-loving side of that scale. And after, the last thing Brittany remembered was falling asleep, tangled up in Santana’s body. 

It was a slow start to the Saturday. A lazy start. Thankfully neither girl had to go anywhere, or they would be running late for sure. Brittany was on her stomach, and slowly stirred at the feeling of fingertips dancing along her spine. “Hey,” Brittany said softly, a lazy smile on her face, “You know you didn’t have to wait for me to wake up,” she chuckled. No matter how many times one told the other that, nine times out of ten, neither would get up until the other was awake. “But that does feel nice…” Brittany sighed, shuffling over a little more, and resting her head on Santana’s shoulder.

All I Want For Christmas Is You || Brittana

Pierce pulled up outside Lopez’s house, a giant grin on her face as she turned her radio off. She’d been excited about this for days now. Her and Lopez were going to spend Christmas together, and today they were going to get her place ready in preparation of it. The blonde wasn’t really sure why this was so thrilling to her. Normally she wasn’t that bothered about Christmas. But the thought of spending it with the Latina made her insides feel all gooey, and her heart thud in her chest. 

With her little pigeon chest puffed out, she got out of the car and made her way to Lopez’s front door, knocking loudly. “Ho ho ho! Mrs. Clause is here, so open the door!” Pierce pulled the Santa hat out of her back pocket, putting it on her head. She didn’t care that she looked like a total dork right now, all she cared about was making this the best Christmas possible for Lopez.

7: Chivalry Ain't Dead

For the next week and a half, Santana couldn’t shake the look on Brittany’s face out of her head. She’d stayed true to her word; making sure to stay away from the blonde and even turning up to pretty much all of her lectures. Not that any of it had done her infatuation with Brittany any good. She hadn’t even made it to the two week mark before she was pining for the blonde’s company–desperate to see her. With loneliness grew misery, and with misery her anger only intensified until she was snapping at pretty much anyone who did something as simple as looking at her funny. She couldn’t take the separation any longer–after all, it couldn’t have been that hard to handle feelings for someone, right? Determined to settle how she felt for Brittany, Santana spent the next few days concocting a way to win Brittany over. After watching countless rom-coms (and crying at each one) she had the perfect plan. She knew that the perfect way to win your girl was to take her on the perfect first date. And the perfect first date was exactly what Brittany was going to get.

After countless hours of preparation, Santana’s plan was ready to be put into action. Her hair was curled, makeup perfect, and she’d retrieved a tight red dress from the back of her wardrobe. Pairing the look with her leather jacket and red heels finished off her outfit, and she definitely felt like she looked the part of the perfect date. Everything else had been arranged in advance, and now all she had to do was to surprise Brittany and sweep her off her feet. Which was why she found herself knocking on the door of Brittany’s dorm room, twirling a long stemmed red rose between her fingers and waiting nervously for her to open the door and let her in. “Hey, Britt?” She called out, unable to handle the wait any longer and wondering what was taking the blonde so long. “It’s me. Santana.”