Well, my engagement gift to Santana didn’t last long. We woke up this morning to find the giant heart jar half empty, and Lord and Lady Tubbington surrounded by Mounds Bar wrappers. I am so disappointed in them. They ate my love for Santana, and now they’re just gonna poop it out, and I can’t exactly give that to her. Unless they’re those crispy poops like Rory the Leprechaun gave Lord T before.
Brittany:Yo, big tits. Are you avoiding me or what?
Brittany:Cause I love that I don't have to spend time with the mechanic baby, but I'm kinda scared that you threw it away into the nearest trash can and as a garbage baby, Lord Tubbington can vouch is not a life anyone wants to live.
Got caught by Sylvester smokin’ under the bleachers today. Told me to get to history class, so I told her that’s where she belongs as an artifact. Got myself a nice little detention… School is bullcrap.
I could pretend like I feel bad about disappearing from the internet for so long, but frankly, I’m just not the kind of person to lie to you all. Nor do I really care. So, while I know you missed me, spare me the details. Lopez is back. You’re welcome.
We’ve been back here for what? A week? And I’m starting to already remember why I hate Lima. I can’t even walk home with my FIANCEE without some douche making a comment. Sorry loser, but even if I got brain damaged and suddenly decided that Ashton Kutcher was doing it more for me than Mila Kunis I’d still break your dick in half for the sake of it, because virgin ‘stache and pants that your retired nanny sew back together won’t attract anything other than celibacy vows until further notice.
So, here’s a bit of exciting news for anyone interested in the wedding (which you should all be). My mom has found us the perfect wedding venue in Indiana, where it’s totally legal to wife up your lesbian lover.
I suppose you could say that I actually found it first, if you want the deets, ‘cause I decided I wanted to be born ASAP and my mom had to squat and pop in the nearest place which luckily, was a pretty awesome looking barn.
If anyone wants to come and help us set up tomorrow, that would be awesome. There’s plenty of time… Right?
Brittany:Wifey no.1 is reporting for apartment searching duty.
Brittany:But I'm pretty sure the one we saw the other day is like meant for us, you didn't even frown in there.
Brittany:Not once, and it's a law that Santana Lopez-Pierce frowns inside a room with the frequency of her annoyance level times the current time of the day to the power of hours she spend without eating or having her coffee with additional 3-4 times differences depending on the amount of sweet lady kisses that day.
S:I hate valentines day. It's just another reminder that I'm a terrible person cause I can't stop thinking about you, even when I'm with Dani. And I know it's stupid and awful, but I have so many things to say, things I never got the chance to tell you. Fuck. I bet they're all the same kinds of things that Sam get's to tell you everyday now you're shacking up. [backspaced]
S:Hey, so there's a really cute duck pond at the back of this restaurant Dani found, she didn't appreciate it much but I know you would. You should get Sam to bring you some time.
S:I hope I'm totally not interrupting anything between you guys, and if I am, well my bad.
Best night with the best woman I could ever ask for. How am I so lucky to have someone so sweet and romantic in my life, someone please remind me? Also, margaritas. Tasty. Especially when served in such awesome glasses with an amazing dinner, and some awesome dancing with the hottest woman on the planet.
What are we going to do about Karla? I mean she even apologized for being pissed at me about the whole scenario she’s only doing that because she’s doing the same thing, ruining a family. Did I like influence her to do something like this?