8: Emptiness

Brittany had never felt this devastated. She didn’t want to speak to anyone, the cheerfulness had been sucked out of her and all she wanted to do was sit and stare at the wall as if it would give her any comfort. She was broken and nothing could fix her. Sitting through classes and going out with friends became chores and she wanted nothing more than to just not exist. Time seemed to disappear and she didn’t know what day it was or when she had to do what. It was unhealthy and so many people were worried about her. Brittany was fine, she just had to keep telling people that. Nothing was wrong with the girl who used to smile all the time and now couldn’t even have a reaction when someone made a bad pun. She wrote too, she wrote all of her thoughts and how she felt so empty. Every time Santana’s name would appear in her journal she crossed it out and burst into tears. Moving on seemed to be the only option but she couldn’t, she just couldn’t.

Convincing herself to go out and actually enjoy outside seemed impossible. Not when she was still emotionally unstable. Brittany did her best to make herself look presentable and not like she had been sobbing in her room for hours. There were a lot of people out in the quad but they didn’t seem to pay attention to anyone but themselves and it relieved her. She took a seat under one of the trees and opened her journal. Perhaps finishing her writing assignment would keep her mind off of her emotions. Her short story was coming along great and all she needed was to finish it so she didn’t have to have the assignment hanging over her head. She sat there, taking deep breaths and trying to focus on her work but it wasn’t helping and she still felt pain. Her ears perked up as she heard someone approach her and by default she ignored them. She didn’t want to interact with anyone at the moment.

All of These Thousand Miles || Brittana

Santana pulled a stool back from the bar, shrugging off her coat and hanging it on the back of the stool. She looked around the bar as she sat down, again not seeing Brittany but no too worried about it. Tonight she’d gotten a cab rather than risk being late on the subway, and her cabbie had been all but auditioning for NASCAR with how he was driving. It was a good thing she was somewhere where they served alcohol. She needed it.

The bar was just as she remembered it, so she felt good about recommending it to Brittany. There were definitely people here, but they were either spread out at the bar, in various booths talking quietly, or in the back with the pool tables. There was karaoke here on Tuesdays and Wednesdays too, not that Santana had ever participated or anything, but even that wasn’t prohibitively loud. Well, depending on where you sat.

Less than half a minute after sitting down the bartender came over, giving Santana an appraising and appreciative look before asking for her ID and what she’d like to drink. She rummaged around in her purse before handing it over and giving him her order, ignoring the way he was obviously trying to tell if she was here looking for company for the night. She did give him a smile, mostly out of habit, but turned away a little bit to nudge her leg on the stool next to her. It was better to just silently give him the hint that she wasn’t interested in talking tonight. At least not to him. 

She was nervous about Brittany, though, if she were going to be completely honest. She’d just broken up with her girlfriend, and Santana felt bad, she really did, but she didn’t feel that bad. And now she was going to have a drink or two with her. What was she even doing? Santana reached up to rub at her face. She was being a good friend, she reminded herself. Being there for a friend. That was it. That was… all she would admit.

[a double date]

After an incredibly dull first week back at school, the weekend had finally come, which meant it was time with her double date with Brittany. If she was being honest, Matt Rutherford was the perfect boyfriend. He didn’t talk much, and she was 99% sure he was actually afraid of her, so he would never call her out on her infidelity. Plus he was on the football team. He served her purpose perfectly. Santana wasn’t too eager to have him butting in on her time with Britt though, but that’s what a double date was for. Exposure. Two hot Cheerio’s with boyfriends on the football team? They were making a name for themselves without the help of Quinn, who drove Santana up a wall every time she tried to lord her head Cheerio status over her head. She gave in and became a member of Celibacy Club for her despite being anything but celibate, but that’s all she was going to give her favorite frenemy. At least for now.

Brittany was coming over to get ready, and Santana had her curling iron already warming up. Her best friend was soon-to-be-dating Mike Chang, who seemed harmless enough and was Matt’s best friend. It was a pretty sweet deal, one that Santana could see working for them for a good amount of time. That is, until Matt finally gets tired of her cheating on him, but by then Santana has her popularity clocked at an all time high, and letting him fall to the wayside won’t have an effect on her rising social status. Boys were just pawns in her plan. But Brittany was her constant. Her ride or die. Santana was determined to take Brittany to the top with her.

When she head the doorbell ring, she was quick to shout that it was Brittany and that she got it to her mom who was cooking dinner in the kitchen. She quickly padded down the stairs and opened the door with a genuine smile, happy to see her best friend. “Hey B,” Santana said, her mom shouting an ‘Hola Brittany’ from the other room. “Did you bring sleepover stuff?” she asked as she led them back up the stairs to her room. Once they were both inside, Santana patted the back of the chair in front of her vanity, motioning for Britt to sit down on it. “How do you want your hair?”

5: She’s Not Even Mine

Santana had been staring at Brittany for the last half an hour. She’d concluded that libraries were some kind of bad luck for her–every time she walked into one, something went wrong. There was that time that she accidentally knocked over an entire bookshelf, that time she got busted for being high and now this. Her hands balled up into fists and she growled under her breath, risking another glance at Brittany and the stranger sitting next to her. They’d been sitting and laughing since she’d gotten here, and it was pissing her off. They definitely looked way too close for her liking. Were they dating or something? Santana wasn’t sure why she was so jealous, either. She’s not even mine, she reminded herself mentally, tearing her gaze away from the two. Her willpower didn’t last long though, and she found her eyes wandering back to the couple. Lip curling in disgust, she picked up the nearest object (an eraser) and hurled it, chuckling when it hit the stranger square on the back of the head, and quickly ducking behind a bookcase so that they wouldn’t see her.

Here We Are Again →

Brittany let out a long breath as she made her way down the stairs. She was ore nervous about Santana coming over this time than she was the first, and not just because the other girl terrified her. Something had happened between them and Brittany wasn’t really sure how to handle it.

She had confided in Sam. Not that she exactly told him who she had kissed, no matter how much he tried to pry it out of her, but she did disclose that she kissed someone who said she was ‘kinda hot’. He, obviously, had told her to go for it, but Brittany was really unsure about the whole thing.

Santana was part of the group at school that perhaps bullied her the most relentlessly. Everyone bullied her, ore or less, but the skanks really didn’t hold back when it came to shoving her around where as the popular kids just yelled things at her whenever she came across them.

Though there was something different about her. Santana was probably the most beautiful person Brittany had ever seen in real life. She made her hot and sweaty by just being around her and no matter how much she tried, her stutter was always worse but it wasn’t because of the normal feeling of anxiety.

So here she was, waiting for Santana to come walking through her door. No matter what she thought to herself now, as soon as the skank got here, her mind just went completely blank.

Say Something

[Every since Brittany left, Santana stayed close to the surface. Every time her sisters asked why, Santana slashed them with her vicious vicious words. They learned to stop asking so much, but Santana couldn’t shake the draw of the world above. Every time she glanced at the bracelet around her wrist, she felt compelled to swim towards the sunshine.

But Brittany didn’t come back the next day. Or the day after. Santana was beginning to think that maybe the human had forgotten about her, and she swam in circles mulling over it, wondering why she even cared in the first place. 

But still she emerged passed the green glass of the lake, propping herself up on the roots of the willow tree and hiding behind water lilies, her dark eyes watching the path for any sign of Brittany.]